A/N: I do not own the Cal Leandros characters!

So then the muses run up to you with the weirdest open lines for a fic ever...

"Okay, but why do I have to take my sheep with me this time? Last time I didn't have to."

"Because this time Robin is with the invaders, and they'll traumatize your sheep so much you'll lose your lamb crop, and in the light of the recent famine, you do need those lambs."

Robin Goodfellow heard this and protested that he'd never bother the sheep with so many fine soldiers around. I ignored him and squinted at the little terrain map Niko had spread over the corner of the bar, leaning on an elbow with a cleaning rag in hand. Niko sipped his tea and watched the rest of the bar.

"So the Romans are invading here and here." I tapped the map. "So I've got to retreat back this way. Only instead of just the women and kids, I've got to take the goddamn pregnant sheep with me."

"Correct."

"Okay. And I've got a small regiment of foot soldiers, and a few horseback archers, and we've been stationed here for almost a year."

"Also correct." Niko looked pleased. "You're remembering better."

I started to flip him off, then decided I needed that finger. Niko had decided in these recent weeks that my grasp of strategy needed improving. Niko being Niko, he was giving me historical invasions to rewrite, and hell if my history was good enough to remember what had been done right or not. I wasn't doing so hot. There was a reason Niko was the strategist, not me; my favorite method of repelling the enemies was "hit it with a really big gun." Surprise, when all I had were soldiers with spears and a few archers, there was no bigger gun available, and my hypothetical soldiers got hypothetically slaughtered.

"Can I split my forces?" I ignored Ishiah as he came over to frown disapprovingly. Niko was distracting me while I was on the clock. On the other hand, given my sterling personality and the effect it had on the customers, he might sell more if I was distracted.

"You can. How are you planning to do so?" Niko asked.

"I want, uh, four of my horse-archers and, uh, eight of my men to go with the shepherds and the sheep. I want them to go this way, and the main force will take the villagers to the caves this way." I traced lines on the map.

"Good choice." Niko was approving, and I relaxed until he asked, "How are you choosing those men?"

Oh damn. He'd gotten me here last time. "I'll...ask my captains which men are good with sheep. And can sneak really well." There, that was the right answer and I knew it. It didn't make me feel any less proud when Niko nodded.

"Excellent. We'll assume you are a well-liked commander this time-"

"Good, 'cause I'm damn tired of being assassinated."

"If you weren't so fond of suicide charges, you'd be better-liked," Niko returned, blandly. "Assuming you are well-liked, your captains do not lie to you and present the appropriately-skilled men. Explain to me why you sent the archers; this is difficult terrain for the horses."

"In case those horny Romans really want my sheep, they can be rearguard." I grinned as Robin rolled his eyes. "And they can be messengers. Just in case."

"Good forethought. Your sheep are attacked by a scouting party who come in from here." Niko tapped the map. "They are on foot, lightly armed, and there are five of them. Two have lances."

"My soldiers are under orders to guard the sheep but make their own choices in engaging the enemy." I thought about it, then added, "Since, you know, this isn't their first battle in General Cal's Time-Travelling Army."

Niko eyes me, then allowed that with a sigh. "Very well. They successfully engage the enemy, and both sheep and villagers are evacuated without incident. Well done. That only took you two days."

As opposed to the entire week I'd taken with the first problem. Niko didn't fuck around when it came to his training exercises. I shook his head and straightened from the bar with a grin. "So now we celebrate, right? Wine, women, song, all that fun shit?"

Niko just shook his head. I took that for a yes.

"Damn straight!"

Robin took a sip of his whiskey, and said, "Have I ever told you about the time Caligula and I-"

"Gotta go serve drinks." I dodged around Ishiah and hurried to the other end of the bar. I caught Ishiah's mutter about how now I was willing to work, but as long as it got me away from Robin and his stories, hell, I'd work. I'd heard that one before, or one like it anyway, and I did not need those mental images ever again in my life. I'd never look at a boot the same way again.