*this is an alternate version of my Secret Santa story from last year. It's similar to the other, but different. Funny, I prefer this one now, LOL! Anyway, since I found it randomly on my computer yesterday, thought I'd share. Hope you enjoy.
Jean caught sight of Lucien as he came through the door. They froze. There was so much to say after the Norman Baker standoff that day. An aching smile passed between them, with the sounds of their friends and lodgers waiting to eat, keeping them from the time they so desperately needed. A million words spoken in the silence of a few heartbeats as their eyes lingered.
"I love you." He mouthed the words and she smiled, tears sparkling in her eyes.
Their energy at the dinner table was highly charged. Neither of them touching a bite, too busy trying to keep their heat and hearts in check, stealing glances. In her whole life, Jean had never had this kind of carnal need for a man. Not even as an eager teenager recklessly wanting to lay with Christopher too soon. There was desire then, but nothing could compare to this. This was a deep, complex love with so many layers. The texture of it so rich and decadent. Her fingers were tingling to touch that love at its most intimate level. But now, sitting at the table with their knees just inches apart, everything was tingling.
Speaking her wish not to go on without him, put all her love into a perspective she knew, but at the same time surprised her to hear out loud. He was the reckless one. Where had this Jean come from? Or was she always there, lying dormant, until she found Lucien, the person her heart would die for. How far would this Jean go to express her love for the man she had both fought with and loved for so long?
Their last glances had Lucien coming out of his skin to touch her. This dance of propriety, holding control, as they shared space with the others, was a slow form of torture. He looked down at his plate again, trying to control his breathing, praying she would not be looking at him when he tried to engage with the group again. But there she was, eyes locked on him, with an energy he had never seen on his sensible, reserved Jean before. He wanted to stand up and scream at the top of his lungs for everyone to leave, before carrying her to his bedroom to sort this out. To see and touch her love, to thank her for that love. A love he once hoped to save her from because he knew it would hurt her, he would certainly hurt her. He hurt everyone. And then he did. Acting rashly, desperate to keep her, he had hurt her deeply... but she stayed. He finally found the one person who wouldn't let him push them away. And now she had even asked for death, if that's what it took to stay with him forever.
Mere hours before, they had clung to each other in that graveyard determined to survive or die, together. There was no way just one of them would leave that place. He knew he would die without her, but to hear that she had the same kind of desperate love for him... he could die a happy man with that knowledge. He always assumed he loved her more than she loved him, and that was more than enough. A gift. He would take what he could get, happily, for the rest of his life. The fact that she loved him at all, had been a greater gift than he could have ever imagine. Matthew's acknowledgement that she had "chosen" him, was enough to bring him to his knees in prayer, giving thanks to a God he had not believed in for decades.
She thought after the feelings and hungry looks they shared during dinner, that their love making would be urgent and hurried. But the tortuous pace of the meal and lingering conversation after it had steadied her heart a bit. So when he moved up behind her as she set the dishes to soak, their friends gathered around the television in the living room, it was a long deep breath she took, instead of the quick gasp and loss of control that would have happened earlier. She leaned back into him, feeling his strength as he brushed her hair to the side and kissed the back if her neck, his warm tongue touching the spot before his lips closed there. Turning slowly, she took his hand and guided them to his bedroom. Something she knew he wouldn't dare assume to do, her sweet gentle Lucien, who had given her all the space and time she needed to sort through this change in her life. A change that had her walk away from the structure and fear that kept her denying the desire to love him completely.
He turned his back to her as he closed the bedroom door, giving himself a moment to slow his heartrate and giving her a moment to work through any indecision. Then as its latch caught, he felt her hand go down the length of his back, catching a belt loop with her finger. She held on as he turned to her and they naturally embraced.
"I'll only ask you once." He bent his head down, eyes up begging her to consider this decision as carefully as she could in the moment. Because if she would have any regret in the afterglow, it would kill him. He had hurt her enough already. The slightest hesitation on her part would not necessarily stop this celebration of their love, but it would change the ultimate destination.
Her eyes were set and certain, "I love you Lucien." And she went in for a slow deep kiss. Her tongue a silk ribbon moving in strokes through the air he breathed… Old friends, partners, now lovers.
And so, it was a slow celebration of their love that took them on their first journey. A journey years in the making, to express their most intimate connection. Its pace was slow and quiet, every touch loaded with emotion. Measured in lazy blinks and lips that took their time. Their orbit a slow motion, as that's the speed at which they felt they were traveling. Through time and space in their own universe, they celebrated each other, wanting it to go on forever.
The starts and stops were delicious. Pausing often to take each other in, their eyes more charged than their hands. Lucien thought his heart would explode at the sight of her smile as she undressed him. When she pulled the singlet over his head and ran her hands down his chest, this was not the same woman who had merely dressed his wounds. She had seen him bare-chested before, but in this moment she wasn't his nurse maid, she was his soul mate, his lover, his future wife.
Jean thought she would be nervous on their first time together, their wedding night. It had been so long and it was such an overwhelming first for them. But here, now, in their own special celebration of love, there was not a single thought that was anything but loving, confident and meant to be. As his hands slid down her hips taking her skirt and underthings with them, it wasn't nerves that struck her, only want. A want to become one with the man she was made to love.
As they stood finally naked before each other, it all became too much for them both as tears began to fall. Cleansing the space between them, soothing any hurt that had been part of the path that brought them there. When they embraced, it was a simple hug that brought their bodies the first touch, heart to heart. She released a quiet sob. A single sound that released all her unspoken words. And he heard her, really heard her. Pulling back to look in her eyes, tears falling from his own. Locked eyes exchanging all the words they had ever had to swallow, unspoken, for fear of losing one another. Of getting it wrong.
But now as they stood beautifully bare in each other's arms, they had arrived at their prize, as their tears turned to smiles and bodies began their next chapter. Right then and there they shared the silent vows as they touched all the places they had hidden for so long... Thank you. I choose you. I will protect you. I will be honest with you. I value you. I'm sorry. I hear you. I see you. I celebrate you. I love you. I do.