"For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction. Therefore let your soul exalt your reason to the height of passion, that it may sing; And let it direct your passion with reason, that your passion may livethrough its own daily resurrection, and like the phoenix rise above its own ashes."

- Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

25

We started up family dinners again, on a weekly rotation between Charlie's, Alice's, and Emmett's houses. It gave us a chance to breathe and connect in the middle of the week. Beneath that, it was a reassurance that we were united in what had happened. Even if we might be resuming things like work or shopping or social occasions, we still remembered, and we still had each other. The undertones may have been somber, but we generally managed to keep it light and comfortable. It was a compulsory Wednesday night activity, except for Edward who got a pass if he was scheduled at the hospital.

He made it easy to adapt to his slightly abnormal work hours. I had a copy of his hours and when he was on call, and he never failed to get in touch when he got off a shift or before he started one if we weren't together at the time. He was easy to be with in general. Quite simply, he made me happy, and I didn't feel bad about it. We all still had bad days, when memories or reminders or her simple absence was tougher to deal with. If Edward was stuck at work on those days, then there were subtle deliveries of colorful bouquets of flowers, or trays of cupcakes, or just a few more text messages than usual. I didn't know what I'd done to deserve him.

Ben had decided that now he was a one-year-old it was time to get fully mobile. He had been pulling himself around on the furniture since his little trip to his mom on the television and was now freely toddling about the house. Edward donated a few extra baby-proofing gadgets from the pediatrics supply, handed out to promote safety from home accidents. Time wasn't going to slow down for us with Ben; like any baby there was no grace period where we got to catch up to the idea of him growing up.

Emmett had taken Ben away for a long weekend to stay with his parents, so I took the opportunity to spend a night back at Charlie's. We got take-out and watched a football game, easily slipping into our familiar housemate routine. In a way it was nice to spend a night back in my own bed. Edward had the Saturday night off work, so I took my overnight bag and headed to his house, feeling like somewhat of a nomad.

Edward was making a damn good effort at firming up my skinny jeans again. He was giving Jasper a run for his money in the male cooking skills department. After his delicious chicken pasta, we settled in to watch a movie on his huge couch. Keeping it light was key these days, so some terrible rom-com was on Edward's flat screen. I was pretty sure Edward was suffering through it, and I'd stopped paying attention after about fifteen minutes. I had other things on my mind. I stood up from the couch and started to unbutton my shirt with nervous fingers.

It's okay to feel good. It's okay to feel good. It's okay to feel good.

"Where ya' going, gorgeous?" Edward said, a hand reaching up to the curve of my ass.

When I hit the last button, I turned to face him, pulling it from my shoulders to reveal the black lace bra I had on underneath. His eyes bugged then hooded with that wonderful look of lust. My hands moved to the button of my jeans, popping it open then slowly lowering the zipper. He stood silently to take my hand in his, pulling me with him toward his bedroom.

When we moved through the doorway, he turned back to me, pulling his white t-shirt over his head. He was eating me with his eyes, careful appreciation visible as if I were his last meal on earth. His pants hit the floor before he took two steps toward me and picked me up. I hooked my legs around him for the short journey to his bed, where he lowered me down and I pulled him with me. His feet still on the ground, his mouth found mine for the first time, and I told him with my lips and tongue what I was going to do to him with the rest of my body.

He made his way down my form, pausing where my breasts spilled out of the top of my lingerie. He cupped me in his hand, feeling the weight of them against his palm as he ran the tip of his tongue against the skin. He seemed reluctant to move on, but his gaze followed his hand as he ran it with purpose down my stomach until he found the top of jeans. As I'd already unfastened them for him, he made easy work of pulling them down my legs as torturously as possible. He smirked at me when he saw the thong that was left behind. I gave him a knowing smile back. There was nothing that wasn't good about this moment.

"Fuck," he said, more of an exhale than a word. He rarely seemed to swear, and when he did, he couldn't help but make it sexy. He clambered back on top of me, suddenly a little more furious in his need than before. In the next moments, my bra was off, his mouth finding my nipples as they perked wantonly at his touch, and my thong disappeared, a groan from Edward at the sight of me bare before him. My hand was in his boxer briefs, his length immense and oh so tempting as I began to stroke him. I was so ready to feel all of him in all of me.

Once he was naked, we slowed a little, taking a moment to appreciate what we were sharing. We continued that way – reverently. He canvassed every inch of my body with his lips; slowly, carefully gracing places that had never been so lucky with the presence of hallowed mouth against grateful, sensitive skin. Touching, fondling, and kissing until we couldn't take the need any longer. Edward pushed himself inside me, teasing with just the tip, then all of the way until I felt full and whole. Edward and me together resulted in simple completion. One plus one didn't feel like it equaled two, it felt like a better version of one. He watched in pleasure at the point of our union for a few strokes before he brought his body down onto mine, hand on breast, and mouths echoing our desire.

I didn't ever remember feeling this good physically or feeling this close with someone. The emotions of it threatened to slip out, but I was distracted by the face above me as he tilted my chin to look at him. I shifted my hips, drawing another groan from his lips as I moved with him to increase the friction between us. He adjusted his angle ever so slightly, just enough to push me over the edge. Oh God, Edward…

The ripples turned into waves as I clenched down on him, something changing in his motion as he lost control. I can't…so good…oh, Bella… I loved feeling the weight of his body when he couldn't quite hold himself up as he came, pumping into me a last few times as the movement of his release took over.

When he could just breathe again, he peppered my neck with little kisses, finding my earlobe with his warm mouth. I'm the luckiest guy in the world.

I pulled him impossibly closer. That must make me the luckiest girl.