You Might Die Trying

AN: Okay everyone.... here's the next chapter. I realize it still took me forever but, I'm working on getting this done. Believe me. I'm trying to do each chapter in a timely fashion, it just doesn't seem to be able to shoot out. Especially now, when I've been waiting for this part to come, and I want it to be perfect. So with that said, THANK YOU to everyone who is still here and reading... and really, super big thanks to those of you who are continuing to review - your support continues to motivate me. So, thank you.

Disclaimer: I don't own them. I'm just borrowing them.

Chapter 22: Lost

"Just because I'm losing,

doesn't mean I'm lost,

doesn't mean I'll stop,

Doesn't mean I'm in a cross."

- Coldplay

*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*

She'd watched patients go through this before. This place of in between, where it seemed like they were trying to decide on whether or not they should live or die. Sometimes she wondered what made them choose. Did they see someone they loved that made them fight their way back to life? Or did they see someone on the other side that made them let go?

As she stood in a room of absolute brightness, she wondered what would happen to her. Her heart was beating. She was alive, but not awake, and all she wanted was Derek. And she found herself wishing for moments of the past and of the future. She wanted Derek. There was no choice for her. She didn't want there to be. Her heart was beating. She was breathing. And she could hear Derek's voice calling for her. Now all she had to do was open her eyes.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The Chief stood beside Dr. Taylor's bed. He hadn't moved since the monitor had registered Dr. Taylor's heart beat. Everyone else that had been inside of the room had vanished; leaving him alone with the man that had almost killed a woman he considered to be his daughter. The oath he took when he was just becoming surgeon replayed in his head like a track on repeat. Thou shall do no harm. Do no harm. Do no harm, which meant that even if he wanted to, he couldn't rip the cord out of the wall that was helping to keep him alive. He knew it was wrong. He had just fought to keep this man alive, and now he wanted to kill him. But he remained still with his hands clenched into skin-breaking fists. He stared down at Dr. Taylor, wondering how someone that he had once trusted and considered a friend could do something so violent and disturbing. Wondering how he could've taken a woman who was the child of someone they had once worked so closely with. It was jarring. And it forced him to realize that he didn't know all of his staff as well as he thought he did.

The pager on his waist beeped. He looked down and read the tiny blurb. It was Bailey, which meant that Meredith was out of the MRI, which meant that he had to leave because Meredith was more important than the scumbag that was resting comfortably in front of him. He took one last look at the handcuffs that kept Dr. Taylor in place, and then turned to leave the room, where he immediately found three concerned faces staring back at him.

"He's here?" Izzie stuttered as she looked past the Chief's body and at Dr. Taylor's broken body.

"Dr. Stevens…" The Chief sighed.

Izzie couldn't take her eyes off of Dr. Taylor. "Where is she?"

"Izzie," Alex said as he placed a hand on her shoulder, which she immediately shrugged off.

"We had a right to know," Izzie frowned. "She is one of us, and we… we're the only family she really has." She broke her gaze from Dr. Taylor and glared at the Chief. "You should've told us. The minute they brought her in, you should've told us."

"Izzie, you don't even know if she's here," George said softly, unwilling to let his eyes meet anyone else's in the room.

"She's here, George," Izzie snapped. "Why do you think Bailey told us to stay in Shepherd's office? Why do you think all we've seen since we left the office was the nurses and other doctor's whispering?"

"That's enough, Dr. Stevens," the Chief said sternly. "Your resident clearly did not think that this was something you should be involved in. She asked you to stay inside of that room and none of you listened. Why do none of you follow rules?"

"Give me a break," Izzie huffed. "Bailey paged Cristina but no one else. What were we supposed to do? Sit on our hands and wait it out? That's crap and you know it."

Alex tried to reach for her again. "Izzie."

"No," Izzie said, shaking off Alex's hand again. "He knows I'm right. He knows it."

The Chief straightened his back. "Dr. Stevens, I am the Chief of Surgery, and as the Chief I do not have to explain myself to you or your friends because you are interns; the bottom of the surgical food chain. I do not owe you three anything. Dr. Yang was paged because Dr. Bailey needed her. If she needed any of you, she would've paged." He clenched his jaw. "Now, I have to go check on another patient. You three need to go do your jobs. I do not want to see you three around this room. You got that?"

"Yes sir," George said quickly.

Alex shook his head. "Whatever."

Izzie remained silent. She crossed her arms across her chest and shifted her weight from her right leg to her left leg. She had a right to know. Meredith was her friend. She was part of the family she had built here in Seattle. She had a right to know.

"Dr. Stevens?" The Chief demanded. "Did I make myself clear?"

Izzie tightened her arms across her chest. "I need to know if she's okay."

"Izzie," George warned.

"No, George," Izzie hissed. "This is Meredith we're talking about. We have a right to know if she's here and if she's okay. We… " She swallowed past the lump that was slowly forming in her throat. "We have a right to know if she's alive or not because she is one of us."

"Enough, Dr. Stevens," the Chief yelled. "That is enough. Now unless you want to be in the pit for the rest of your intern year, I suggest you back off and let me do my job."

Izzie's dropped her head, refusing to let anyone else in the room see the tears that were threatening to break free from her blue eyes. "I don't care." She let her arms uncross and rest at her sides. "I just need to know if Meredith is alive."

The room was suddenly void of voices. It was like a switch had been turned that suddenly disabled everyone from talking. The pager at the Chief's waist beeped again, filling the room with the only other noised that mixed with Dr. Taylor's monitors. He stared at the pager, knowing that he had to go. He knew that there was a simple solution to this. He could suspend her, ground her in the pit, or put her on probation. There were many possible things he could do. But looking her standing in front of him, clearly broken, he couldn't bring himself to do it. Because all she was really trying to do was be a good friend. She was trying to be there for Meredith, which is something that Meredith deserved. And needed. Meredith needed them. If she was going to make it through this, Meredith would need them. And Izzie Stevens had just reminded him how much this girl actually needed a family.

"Please," Izzie whispered in a voice that was barely audible. "I just need to know if she's alive."

"She's alive," the Chief sighed. "I was just on my way to check on her." He looked at the three relieved faces in front of him and nodded. "I'll keep you updated, but you have to go to the pit and stay there until someone pages you."

Izzie took a deep breath. "We can do that." She looked at George and Alex. "We can do that. Right?"

George and Alex nodded, but neither of their mouths opened.

"Okay," the Chief said as he moved past them towards the door. As he opened the door he turned and looked at them. "Leave the room now and don't come back until I tell you that you can." They moved towards him and he held the door open for them. As Alex approached the doorway the Chief stuck out his hand, stopping them. "I mean it. Do not leave the pit and do not come to this room. No surgeries. No tests. Stay in the pit, and don't even think about coming to look for me. Got it?"

All three nodded in unison. Satisfied, the Chief lifted his arm and let them pass through the doorway. He waited until they had rounded the corner and left his sight before he left Dr. Taylor's room. Two police officers stood beside the door, guarding it and the man inside. He turned to the one on the left.

"Don't let those three in here, you got it?"

The officer nodded, but didn't say a word.

The Chief gave him a small smile and walked away, knowing that he should've told the officer to not let him back inside too. But he was the Chief. And as the Chief, he had to go inside of that room, even if it killed him. He had to, because he was the Chief.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Derek felt like he was on fire. His heart was pounding wildly in his chest as he listened to the sound of Meredith's heart on the monitor. Every muscle in his body was tight. And while one hand held onto Meredith, the other clutched the sheet his body was resting on. He twisted it round and round, and when there was nothing left to twist, he let it unravel and then he started again. This was how he was trying to make the minutes pass, but it wasn't working. So far, only five minutes had passed, and nothing had changed. Nothing.

Cristina sat in a chair that she had placed in between his and Meredith's beds, but she was ignoring him. She was ignoring the way that his hand was desperately holding onto Meredith's; and instead, she focused on Meredith's chest. She watched it rise and fall with every breath Meredith took, and each time she found herself hoping that that breath would be the time that her eyes opened. But nothing was happening, and she was getting tired of waiting.

"Why isn't she waking up?" Cristina frowned. "She should be awake by now."

Derek didn't let his gaze leave Meredith. "It takes time, Yang. She'll be fine."

"This is crap. She should be awake by now. Maybe they missed something."

"Do you really think that Bailey would miss something?"

Cristina shook her head. "Of course not."

"You have to be patient."

"Yeah," Cristina scoffed. "Like you're being so patient over there yourself."

"I'm being patient."

Cristina laughed bitterly. "You're twisting the bed sheet in your hand."

"So?"

Cristina shook her head. "Just admit it."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Whatever. Just stop talking."

Derek twisted the sheet in his hand harder. "You're the one that started this."

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Shut up."

They fell quiet again. Cristina went back to watching Meredith's chest rise and fall, while Derek continued to twist the sheet in his hand. The cycle was endless and nothing was changing. Meredith's eyes weren't opening. And with each minute that passed, the more Derek began to doubt whether Bailey had read the scan correctly.

The door to their room pushed open, revealing Dr. Burke. He stood in the doorway, unwilling to enter the room fully. "How is she?"

Derek remained focused on Meredith. "Supposedly, she'll be fine."

"Supposedly?"

"She isn't waking up," Derek whispered. "She should be awake."

Burke nodded, understanding what Derek was saying and what he was not. "Cristina?"

Cristina didn't turn to look at Burke. "I'm busy now, Burke."

"Cristina…" Burke breathed. "I need you to come with me."

"I'm not leaving," Cristina refused.

"Cristina, I know this is hard. I know that Meredith is your… person, but you need to come with me."

"Get out of here, Burke."

Burke moved towards Cristina. He looked at Derek briefly before he turned his attention back towards Cristina. He knelt beside the chair that she was sloppily sitting in. "You need to leave."

"I'm her person, Burke. I don't need to leave."

"The Chief wants all of you down in the pit until further notice."

"No," Cristina said adamantly. "I'm not going. Not when Meredith…"

"You don't have choice, Cristina."

"There's always a choice."

"Then, I guess I'll have to drag you out of here."

"Don't put your hands on me, Burke," Cristina snapped, her eyes briefly leaving Meredith's chest and meeting Burke's.

Burke moved forward slightly, his lips grazing Cristina's ear. "You need to leave Derek and Meredith alone now, Cristina. This is their time. You'll get to be with her soon, but right now, this is time is for them. So leave them, and do what the Chief wants. Go to the pit."

Cristina shook her head. "I can't."

Burke reached out his hand and grabbed Cristina's arm. "You can." He gently tugged on it. "Leave them be."

"Burke, let me go."

"No," Burke said, tightening his hold on Cristina's arm. "I'm not going to let you disobey the Chief, Cristina. You need to go to the pit. And I need you to leave this room."

"Why? Why do I have to do this?"

"Because if you don't the Chief isn't going to let you see the inside of an OR for the rest of your intern year," Burke threatened.

"I don't care."

"You do care," Burke said, his eyes softening. "Come on Cristina, you're the best cardio intern and I need you."

"Burke…" Cristina hesitated. "I can't leave her."

"She has Derek."

"But what about…"

"Let him be the man that Meredith needs him to be," Burke interrupted. "Let him love her, Cristina."

Cristina returned her gaze to Meredith's chest. "I can't leave her."

"You have to Cristina," Burke pushed. "She'll understand."

Cristina held onto the chair. "I can't."

"Cristina, you're one of the strongest people I know. You can. Now, lets go before the Chief finds out you're not down there."

Cristina turned her head towards Derek. "You'll look after her?"

"Do you even have to ask?" Derek barked.

"I do actually," Cristina snapped.

"I love her, Yang. So of course, I'll look after her."

"You don't have to be an ass," Cristina said, rolling her eyes.

"Cristina…" Burke frowned. "We need to go. The Chief's going to be here soon."

Cristina stood from her chair and moved towards Meredith. She bent forward and whispered into Meredith's ear, "I'll be back. You're my person. So, you have to keep fighting. You have to, Mer. It's what we do. We fight back. So, do it." She looked at Meredith's chest and listened to her heart on the monitor. "Just keep breathing."

She pushed herself away from Meredith and moved towards Burke. As they exited the room she stopped and turned towards Derek. "Page me if she wakes up."

Derek nodded his head. "I will."

And without another word, Cristina followed Burke out of the room, leaving Derek alone with Meredith. He'd have to thank Burke later.

With no one else around, he decided it was time to move. Slowly, his pushed himself out of bed, holding onto his IV holder to make sure nothing disconnected, so the nurses didn't come flying in. Once standing, he shuffled his feet forward, moving his IV bag with him. He carefully lowered himself into the chair that Cristina had once been sitting in, and instantly grabbed a hold of Meredith's hand, squeezing it tightly within his.

"Please, Meredith," he begged as he held on. "You've got to wake up. I need you to. I need to know that you're alright; that you're still you. I need to be able to look you in the eyes and tell you how much I love you. Because I do. I love you. So please, just open your eyes. Open your eyes and prove to me that you're going to be okay. That we're going to be able to spend the rest of our lives together. Just… open your eyes. For me."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Meredith didn't know what was happening, but the bright light was fading. The faces of all of her friends and family that had died were disappearing and Derek's was growing. And she was suddenly aware of how much pain she was in. It was radiating up and down her body like a rash that had started only on her back, but was now spreading, everywhere. Sounds of beeping filled hear head, but then she heard something else. She heard him. Derek was talking to her, pleading with her to wake up. He was holding her hand. And before she realized what she was doing she squeezed his hand.

"Meredith?" He said hopefully.

She loved his voice. She loved the way her name fell from his lips. It was like the best violinist and cellist coming together to play her favorite song. It was perfection. And she could listen to it all day long.

"Meredith?" He repeated.

She squeezed his hand again in hopes of assuring herself that this wasn't a dream. And when he squeezed back she knew. And suddenly, she had to open her eyes. Slowly, she opened them and reacquainted herself with her surroundings, but there was one thing was looking for in particular. She moved her sleepy gaze quickly, searching for Derek. Her eyes stopped when she found him. He was bald and there was gauze around his head. And he was crying. But he was Derek, and she loved him. She came back for him.

"Meredith?" He asked through his tears.

"Hi." Meredith gave him a small smile, and squeezed his hand again. Happy to finally see Derek's face again. Happy to finally be where she wanted to be. Happy to still be breathing.

...I don't know what to say because really, I don't want to say anything. Meredith is awake and she's back with Derek, which is a moment we've been waiting for. We've got more to come, and it's not all going to be fluff and good times. Meredith and Derek both still have a lot to work through. With that said, thanks for reading and hopefully this one won't take more than a month.