CHAPTER 25

Fighting a terminal illness like cancer isn't just a once-off choice, it's an everyday choice, a choice that you make the moment you open your eyes after being asleep, every time you throw up, every time your head says yes but your body says no. It's a continuous choice to keep fighting, to push past every single negative circumstance in your life, to try and concentrate on the positive, friends, family, love…

She sits in front of her vanity, doing her make-up. It's become a relatively long routine, not just because she doesn't have the physical strength sometimes, but camouflaging the almost black circles under her eyes to blend in with the rest of her pale skin takes forever.

Lately she forgone make-up completely, being home most of the time didn't require looking like a flower and mostly because she just didn't feel like fussing over herself. Tonight however is an exception.

After her melt down in the park, which she still cringes just thinking about what happened, when she said some very awful things to Oliver. Some of it might have been true, but still…. Anyways, he took what she said to heart and finally took a step to reach out to his family. The prodigal son had returned and tonight they will be celebrating his homecoming. Tonight will also be the first time that she will be meeting with Moira Queen as her son's girlfriend and not the HOD of the Applied Sciences Division of QC.

Her stomach does a back flip. She loves Oliver and she knows he loves her too, but never in a million years when she joined QC did she ever think she would be in a situation where she would be casually dinging with the Queen family…'casually' might not be the right word for this dinner, but at least she knows what she means.

She smiles at herself in the mirror to see if the tiredness on her face looks a little less visible with all the make-up. When she's happy with what she sees, she takes her hair brush and starts working on her hairdo for the night.

She brushes the unruly blonde curls on her head trying to get them in some kind of order to fasten them with the hairband into her signature ponytail, but as soon as the brush leaves her head it takes with it strands of her blonde locks.

She looks down at the brush in disbelief. First her mind tries to analyse what just happened, but she already knows. She looks back in the mirror to the spot her brush came in contact with and thankfully no bald spots appear.

She writes it off immediately as that time of the year where she sheds some hair, for her own sanity, but deep down she knows the truth.

She takes the brush again and starts with a similar motion on the other side of her head, but this time the hairs that remain on the brush are twice as much.

She looks back into the mirror and thankfully also no bald spots, but the amount of hair that she brushed out of her head was too much to back up the shedding explanation. How did she think she can fool herself? This is her, she's Felicity Smoak. You can't outsmart a genius, even if that genius is you…that's just stupid and completely absurd.

She pulls the excess hair out of her brush into her hands as she sits and stares at it. Her mind is blank. All she can concentrate on is the blonde hair in her hands and the terrible pang of pain making itself known in her chest.

She vaguely registers the sound of front door opening as Oliver enters her home after his shift.

"Hey Beautiful! I'm home!" he calls walking through the apartment heading towards her bedroom. "Felic…." he interrupts himself when he walks into the room looking at the scene playing off in front of him. She's staring at her hands, breathing heavily, almost hyperventilating as silent tears roll down her cheeks.

After their talk, he's been more sensitive about giving her space when she needs it. He's very careful not to push, because she's extremely vulnerable and he doesn't want to do or say anything that will upset her unnecessarily.

He slowly approaches her and silently sits down on the bed behind her. He can now see the hair in her hands and it doesn't take him long to connect the dots. He can feel his breath catch in his throat. How does he make this better for her?

He gently places his hand on her shoulder, as a sign of support. She doesn't startle, which tells him that she's aware of her surroundings.

"I'm losing my hair." she acknowledges, but not looking away from her hands.

"I know. I saw. I'm so sorry." he says giving her a little squeeze on her shoulder, what else can he do?

"I knew this was bound to happen sometime, but I guess I was hoping that after the excessive treatment and the time that passed, I might be one of the lucky ones and miss it you know?"

She looks up at him and their eyes lock. From the beginning of their relationship there's been this connection with their eyes. Their eyes always continue the story where words run out. They find comfort there…strength and that's all she needs right now. No words, no touches, just the honesty that she's not alone and she finds it in his eyes.

When he feels the time is right he brings his hand to her face and gently wipes away the stray tears still lingering on her cheek.

"Do you rather want to stay home tonight?" he asks cautiously.

"No." she says. "I need to do this. I can't hide because I'm losing my hair, and besides, tonight is very important to you and I want to be there for you."

He smiles at her determined explanation. This woman is really something else. What did he do right do deserve her?

"Okay, if you're sure."

"I am." she smiles back winking at him. "Now get in that shower mister, we don't want to be late." she playfully slaps him on his butt while he walks past her, secretly reveling in her naughty pleasure of touching is very well endowed asset.

When he disappears behind the closed bathroom door she focusses her attention back to her reflection in the mirror. She takes a breath. This is reality. There's nothing she can do about this, so she might as well accept this and make the best of it.

She carefully uses her fingers as a brush and pins her curls in a messy up-do. It doesn't look too bad and thankfully no extra hair has left her head yet.

She knows she won't be able to keep this look for much longer, but that will be tomorrow's challenge. Tonight she first needs to survive the Queen family dinner.