We own the rights to nothing of this story. Especially not Princess Bride.
'Porcelain' is performed by Red Hot Chili Peppers
"Tally-ho! Whiffle after the frumious Bandersnatch that pilfered the fruit of my Tumtum tree, my dear March Hare!"
"Tail!"
"Yes, that too!"
Eddie couldn't help the smile as he dodged the grasp of the enlarged Baby, ducking beneath his legs and dashing to the other side of the training room. Positioned atop Baby, one hand clutching a horn to keep herself in place, was Duela in her latest identity – Hatrack, the daughter of the Mad Hatter. A tall, purple top hat was jammed on her head, and over acid green hair, and a pair of clockwork-like goggles served as the hat band. Her outfit looked as though it belonged in a bygone era were it not for the startlingly bright hues of her accoutrements and the pale skin that she showed off. An orange corset fitted neatly to her slender frame while purple skirts, cut short yet otherwise no different to dresses from the days of old with the layers of fabrics, were hitched up at her hips so as to allow her free range of movement. Platform heeled boots of dark leather reached to her shapely thighs and she wore similarly long gloves, both sets equipped with unnecessary buckles and straps.
In the past week, Duela had claimed a new identity, and parentage with it, at least every other day. It had been somewhat disorienting, and Eddie wasn't always sure who he was talking to throughout their encounters, but he adapted to it far better than he would have expected himself capable of. Regardless of persona, she was at least aligned with them and always eager to mete out whatever sort of justice she was dealing that particular moment. Rose was not as appreciative of the constant changes and was on hostile terms with the majority of identities that their interim teammate had exhibited thus far. As Eddie entertained them in the training room, the one-eyed swordsmistress tended to the base, keeping an eye on the newsfeeds and other data in case they were needed.
Neither she nor the base's advanced security system noticed the curiously thick, white dust that was being expelled out of the air vents. It floated in the air before moving, with unnatural intent, throughout the halls. Pausing in front of doors, a portion of the dust would depart from the small cloud and slide into the room. A moment later, it would return to the colony and the cloud would continue in its unnoted mission. As the clouds scoured the base, avoiding the occupied rooms, they began to encounter each other and gather into larger groups though they kept themselves spread thinly enough to avoid detection.
Eventually, the mass swirled before a door on the bottom floor of the base where few regularly ventured, the lights left off to save on electricity. Collecting itself into a thin stream, the particles slipped through the cracks between the thick door and the wall, and entered the Doom Patrol's storeroom. They spread out amongst the shelves, running over the bizarre and dangerous objects stored there before swirling about a glass case that contained a large, speckled egg. The seeking tendrils of dust retracted, concentrating in front of the base as they began to pile atop each other. A humanoid rose from the the thinning cloud of dust, assembled piece by piece from the delicate toes up.
Within a minute, a slender feminine figure stood before the shelves, her eggshell white skin marred by thousands of cracks arcing all over her body. Jet black hair sprang from her head in a thick, curly mass that favored one side, a lock dangling by her face. Wide eyes of sky blue were devoid of any irises as they focused with obsessional intensity upon the egg, and plump, ruby red lips pulled into a small smile as thin fingers with long nails caressed the glass barrier. She cocked her head to the side and traced a circle in the glass, eliciting a screeching sound as she cut a hole large enough in it to permit her access to her prize. However, as her fingers wrapped around her goal, her smile abruptly vanished and dainty brows slanted towards her petite nose as her eyes narrowed.
Violently tearing the egg from its prison, she crushed it in her grasp and threw the crumpled mass of papier-mâché onto the floor. Her face contorted in a soundless snarl and she drew back her arm before smashing the case, shattering the glass and sending it flying. Rage still painted her features as she whipped about to the voice intruding upon her tantrum, "You know, I always did wonder why he had a replica of that egg. Guess you just answered it though."
Ravager leaned in the open doorframe, a cocky smile pulling at her lips and the original egg from the case resting in her open hand. She tossed it playfully into the air where it tumbled end over end before landing safely in her palm. As the intruder went stark still, eyes fixated upon the egg, Ravager explained, "So I'm a precog. And this morning, I wake up to this vision of a weird, pearly white chick – and not the one already hanging out here – breaking into our base in the buff to steal this little thing."
A volley of shards suddenly launched from the white woman's arms, her hands and forearms disappearing in the assualt. Ravager ducked beneath them, glimpsing the shredded wall where her head had been and gave an appreciative whistle, "Not bad. But I saw that too."
She stood while drawing the knife strapped to her boot, throwing it with unerring accuracy at her foe. The blade crashed through her stomach, but then continued through her back until it stuck in the wall, quivering slightly. Straightening her posture, the white woman watched as the pieces of her midsection reassembled, along with her hands before her blue stare met Ravager's widened eye and she mimed cracking her neck. Giving a nod, the young heroine acknowledged, "All right, I'll admit it. I didn't see that."
Tucking the egg close to her chest, she darted down the hall while the white woman leapt through the space of a pair of shelves and dashed after her. Ravager led her through the twisting halls, ducking whenever her pursuer launched another array of shards, and occasionally returning fire with a throwing knife. The dark-haired woman didn't even bother dodging such attacks, merely accepting them and then quickly reassembling, never slowing her pace as she closed in on her quarry. As they neared a large room, she was a scant few feet away from Ravager when the youth suddenly ducked, using her momentum to slide along the floor as she shouted, "Baby, now!"
The white woman didn't have a chance to slow down before a red fist larger than her head swung through it, shattering her face. Her body continued several more feet before stumbling forward and collapsing as Ravager climbed to her feet. She turned to the mildly shocked Baby who looked at her with his ears directed downwards and asked, "Too hard?"
"If only," she muttered as the shards swirled and shot back towards the decapitated body, reassembling the head within seconds. She pushed herself up and turned to glare at the stunned Baby, raising her arms. Before she could fire off her shards there was a whirring sound and a dark bowler hat spun by, its brim cutting through her arms.
"No, no, no. Haberdashery is meant for your head, dearie," Hatrack grumbled as she produced another flattened hat from her petticoat. She punched it, pushing out the rounded top, and then thrust her hips forward as she launched it from behind her back at the intruder while shouting, "Taste the bite of my vorpal blade!"
The razor brim caught the white woman in the center of her forehead, stabbing in and tilting her head back as Hatrack cheered, "Snicker-snack!"
"Stop making up words, whackjob, and help us kick her butt," Ravager instructed as she tossed the egg to the pale girl who caught the egg in her hat before pulling it back onto her head. The one-eyed girl's swords hissed as she drew them from her scabbard while the white woman, with her arms reformed, pulled the bladed bowler from her head and discarded it. Her arm stabbed outward, sending a spray of shards at Ravager while her leg shot towards Baby and her lean belly expanded and then exploded towards Hatrack. Ravager parried as many of the razor sharp pieces as she could and weaved about them, but there were too many and she hissed as several cut along her skin. Baby brought his thick arms up, sheltering behind them, but their velocity was enough to inflict damage even upon his hide. Hatrack cartwheeled out of the way only for the pieces to swerve after her, a number slicing along her flesh.
"You make the Walrus and the Carpenter seem like perfect gentlemen," she yelled as she sprang forward, drawing another hat from the folds of her skirt. The white woman, already reconstructing herself, watched stoically as the strange girl leapt through the air, broad hat held over her head before she slammed it down on the intruder. Originally a dark brown top hat of no impressive size, it suddenly stretched to capture the white woman's entire form, wrapping tight about her and restricting her movement. Hatrack took the extra effort to shove her over before dashing away, whooping madly.
For a moment, the captured villain struggled against the confinement before going still. Then thousands of shards tore through the strange textile of the entrapping headpiece, swarming about in the air like angry bees for a moment before rapidly rebuilding into the scowling white woman who blew a lock of her black hair out of her face. She was greeted by an inferno that consumed her, setting the carpet around her ablaze though she barely flinched. When the flames diminished, Kid Devil requiring a breath, the white woman was now a glowing orange and her scowl had deepened as she glowered at him. He gave an apologetic chuckle before her entire body exploded in a glowing swarm of heated shards that whirled towards him.
Hatrack dived towards him, leaping atop his shoulders before jamming a leatherhead helmet atop his skull. The storm of porcelain blades crashed against a barrier several feet before Kid Devil, its appearance only distinguishable in iridescent ripples that surged through the air whenever the shards made contact. He gaped at it before looking up at the smug girl atop his shoulders and asking, "Where the heck do you get all this stuff?"
"Fretter not, my dear Dormouse. As soon as we domesticate our teacups, we shall celebrate this frabjous day," she patted his head affectionately.
"As much as I appreciate the save, couldn't you have chosen a slightly more understandable persona?"
There was a pop and sparks jumped from the cap and the ripples flickered before the shards stabbed towards them again. As Kid Devil muttered a word that warranted another dollar for the tip jar and dove out of the way, Hatrack sprang over the arsenal and launched a pair of bowler hats at the remainder of the white woman's body. They caught her knees, sending her hips toppling over where they crashed against the floor, but it did not slow the rain of splinters that pelted Kid Devil, drawing blood that singed the carpet as it dropped to the floor. He swatted futilely at them and then unleashed another spurt of flame that managed to ward off the swarm for an instant.
Behind the counter, covered by Baby, Ravager pressed her cell to her ear, urging the other end of the line to pick up. Finally, there was a click and Gar's voice emerged from the speaker, "Hey, Rosie, what's – ow! If you bite that hard, you're going to draw blood!"
"I certainly intend to draw something out."
She winced at the sultry tone of Blackfire's voice and grumbled, "As absolutely disgusting and traumatizing that sounded, I've got more important things to discuss. We've got an intruder. Eerily silent white chick with cracks all over her body who fires herself off in shards"
"Hold up," he requested and there was the rustle of sheets followed by Blackfire's frustrated groan and dark mutterings in her own language. "Okay, I'm back. Was she after that egg?"
"Yeah. Duela – Hatrack has it right now."
"Good. Don't let her get it. Her name's Porcelain Doll and that egg is filled with tiny little blue men that fix her," he explained, his tone completely serious.
"There are so many days I am thankful I was never part of the Doom Patrol," she said.
"Oh, if only you knew what you were really missing. Hey, fight her at close range. Don't give room for her shards to pick up speed," he advised.
"Got it."
"You guys need any help? Herald's right down the hall, I could -"
"We got this."
He chuckled, "Yeah, I don't doubt it. Well, hugs and kisses. Mommy and daddy will be home soon. We l -"
She closed the phone more violently than she intended to, startling Baby who stared at her with large golden eyes as she put on a smile for him.
"I think it's about time we give our unwanted guest a proper welcome."
Porcelain Doll had reformed herself and now kept Kid Devil, still equipped with the obsolete football helmet, and Hatrack at bay with timed bursts from her arms and other portions of anatomy, shredding the latter's attacks and withstanding the former's flames without any real concern. Her gaze was flat, nearly bored, when there was a shattering sound and her body lifted from the ground slightly. She glanced down to see a gleaming blade protruding from her chest and then slowly turned her head to stare at the sneering girl behind her.
"Got your number, bitch."
Ravager removed the sword just as Baby loomed up behind her, roaring and smashing his fists into the mysterious assassin, shattering her entirely. Within seconds, the pieces were beginning to gather together again, but the silver-haired girl shouted, "Eddie, pour it on!"
"Tried that, done that, didn't work. Got the scars to prove it."
"Aww, c'mon, hot dance! You know how it goes: Let it burn, let it burn, let it burn!" Hatrack darted behind him and gave him a sudden squeeze about his abdomen, putting pressure on his lungs and pushing an inferno from his mouth.
"Hotter," Ravager demanded.
Hatrack dropped him and danced away, "You set to boiling the tea then, I'll tend to the cake."
Advancing upon the glowing pieces, Kid Devil opened his mouth wider, increasing the stream of fire that began to shift colors, streaks of white flashing in the torrent of orange and yellow. The molten blood from the cuts she had inflicted upon him began to give off smoke before rising up in flame as well. At his feet, the carpet smoldered and blackened, rife with embers, and while the pieces trapped in the inferno had moved unhampered by the heat previously, they began to slow now. Solid, jagged shards softened and began to drip while the mass on the floor began to melt into a liquid pool of porcelain. For a moment longer, the splinters of the assassin struggled feebly in their attempt to reassemble before they plopped back in the puddle. Kid Devil relented and gulped in deeps gasps of air as Hatrack clapped him on the back though she quickly retracted her hand as it singed.
"A most spectacular performance, my dear Dormouse. Though I may have lost my eyebrows."
His mouth flapped open and he raised a finger to make a comment before returning to attempting to regain his breath. Ravager kneeled next to the puddle, studying it before nodding in satisfaction and standing again.
"Somebody grab a thermos or something, and I think we're good here."
"Tea cup molds!" Hatrack cheered, her enthusiasm infecting Baby who threw his hands up in celebration.
"Tea!"
Ravager stared at the pale-skinned girl before glancing towards the still heavily breathing Kid Devil and sighed, "It's probably a bad sign when I start missing Gar, isn't it?"
Across an ocean plus another continent and a half, Gar rushed about the spacious hotel room in his boxers, collecting the discarded articles of clothing that they had thrown off in the past several days in a number of frenzies. Watching him with an arched brow, Blackfire reclined on the remnants of their bed, most of it singed or gouged with deep claw marks, in her underwear. In their past several days in Russia following the wedding, Gar had made sincere attempts in getting out to see the country and some of its landmarks, but had been continually lured back to the bed by his vivacious girlfriend. The true extent of their stamina was tested again and again, and the adjacent rooms had vacated by their second night there, pleading with the management to be moved elsewhere. Blackfire was marked with old bite marks and other faded scratches, some that swooped along the entirety of her curvaceous frame while Gar's musculature bore faint handprints burned into his verdant skin.
"I know this sounds odd, particularly coming from me, but I believe that our teammates can handle themselves. You are worrying over nothing," she sighed.
"Babe, I adore you. Really, I mean that. But you've got the caretaking instincts of just about any male crocodilian," he smiled.
Her eyes narrowed as she drew her legs under her, rising up onto her knees to stare down at Gar as he retrieved one of her shirts that had managed to find its way under the bed. "Exactly what do you mean by that?"
"I'm scared to leave you with children because I'm afraid that you'll eat them," his head popped up to meet her eyes, his gaze even and his face serious as he admitted his concern.
She rolled her eyes as he hopped to his feet, "Thank you for the vote of confidence."
He ceased his frantic packing for a second to pause at her side and press a kiss to her forehead, stroking her ebony hair. "For what it's worth, if everything really is fine and Porcelain's operating independently and not as the scout for some crazy evil supervillain group – really don't want another Female Furies thing – we'll go on a little break and leave the kids alone."
"You say that," she sighed as she flopped back on the mangled bed, "But you and I both know that we're going to get there, and then something's going to come up, and you're going to forget about this promised vacation."
"Elephant's memory. I won't," he promised as he stood in the middle of the room, turning every direction.
"What are you looking for now?"
"Okay, so remember a few days ago how we were gonna try and see Leo and Rosa off on their honeymoon?"
"I recall making plans, but then we became rather . . . preoccupied," she chuckled appreciatively at the memory.
"Yeah, that's a word for it. Well, I can't find that little number you were wearing – the glorified cat's cradle of black string with those little gauzy purple patches between them?" he ducked down to glance under the bed again and lifted the corners of the mattress, ensuring it hadn't ended up trapped under there.
"Gar," she called and he glanced up to her relaxing figure. She stretched an arm upward, her finger pointed at the fan that was suspended in the room and where a rather salacious undergarment hung from one of the blades. The shape shifter scratched at his neck, somewhat abashedly, before morphing into a gorilla and reaching up to pluck the flimsy excuse for a pair of panties from its curious perch. Blackfire sighed wistfully as she traced a small grouping of scars crossing from slightly above the hem of her current underwear down her leg, "That was a good night. Though I bet we could top it."
Gar groaned as he crawled onto the bed, positioning himself over top of Blackfire who smiled deviously up at him. He swooped down and captured her lips, surfacing for air after a moment and saying, "Guess we'll have to try for it when we get back."
"Spoilsport," she huffed as he stood and moved to collect the clothes that they had all but torn off each other half an hour ago. She rose from the bed with a sigh, reluctant to abandon the stronghold of her seduction, and accepted the clothes he offered her as he pulled on his own jeans. The dress the pulled on was slightly to enticing to truly warrant its pristine white, and it was that irony that had convinced her to purchase the short garment. It knotted behind her neck, leaving a teardrop of cleavage as well as much of her shoulders and back bared. Gar donned a simple pair of sturdy jeans and a black t-shirt that promoted the slogan 'EVOLVE OR DIE.' In the past few days, he had neglected certain habits in favor of tending to her and a beard was starting to range across his jaw, which he scratched at with a degree of annoyance.
"If I let this grow much longer, I'm gonna need a weedwhacker for it," he grumbled.
She reached out to stroke his jawline, noting that it felt more like fur than hair, and mused, "If you managed it properly, it wouldn't look bad on you. I think you could pull off a goatee."
"Yeah?" he arched a brow as he captured her fingers. He pressed a kiss to each tip in a sudden surge of affection and beamed at her.
"Well, it certainly couldn't hurt," she teased.
"Oy! Always with the wounding and wrecking of what little self-esteem this green elfin stud has," he moaned, laughter in his tone.
"Are you sure that you understand the definition of 'self-esteem?' You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means," she smirked.
He stared at her for a second before lunging forward and meeting her lips in a passionate kiss, his large hands pressing her to him. She had opened her mouth in surprise and he took the opportunity to invite her tongue in a dance before they finally parted. Taking in a shaky breath, she asked, "What was that?! Don't get me wrong, I appreciated it, but it was rather unexpected."
"That was for quoting possibly one of the greatest movies that this world has ever seen," he answered as he zipped the suitcase shut.
"Really?" she purred, draping herself across his back to nibble on his ear before whispering, "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
"Gah!" he covered his ears as she chuckled. "Away with your wiles, conniving seductress! Your honeyed words shall not lead me to bed this day."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Well, not right now," he conceded. "However, later? Fair game."
She considered it for a minute before nodding, "I can work with that."
Sliding from his back, she sauntered away from him, her movements earning his admiring eye before she stopped at the door and smiled back towards him, "Well, are you coming? Your friends agreed to lend us their ship for our return and it is a long trip back."
"The cleaning folk are going to hate us," he whispered as glanced about the room and then charged after her, baggage in tow.
The couple made what they could of the time they had to themselves on the way back, exhausting themselves before drifting off into a pleasant slumber. Gar's arms were draped possessively over Blackfire as he pulled her closer to him and she was strangely vulnerable in such a state, curling into him as though seeking shelter. Her head was tucked into his chest, his chin resting atop the cushion of her hair as they nestled together. A sharp beeping shattered the solace the shape shifter had found and he considered disregarding it, but as it continued without any sign of cessation, he rose, careful not to disturb his lover. He exited the sleeping bay and approached the console, leaning over the console to press the flashing light. There was a short buzz and then Nightwing's face was displayed in a holographic screen.
"Dick," he yawned, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, "We missed you at the wedding, dude."
"Leo hasn't been my biggest fan ever since Star and I split, but I was tracking down a lead," he explained.
"Yep. Big surprise there. So what's it this time? Slade sending you love notes again?"
"Remember those kids you brought to Dr. Mid-Nite?"
Gar stood straighter, the fog of sleep lifting as his eyes narrowed, "You mean Ayla and Alexei? What happened? Are they all right?"
"He's made a little headway, but he still hasn't figured out what's causing Alexei's headaches. However, you encountered them because Tim was conducting an investigation, right?"
"Yeah."
"He was looking into this organization called N.O.W.H.E.R.E. They're creating and capturing teen metahumans – and they're bigger than we thought. We're still looking through everything we've managed to get on them, but we've found something."
"Dude, I get that Bats keeps you in the dark until the big reveal, but it just makes me want to strangle you," Gar growled.
Nightwing grimaced, "They're in your city. N.O.W.H.E.R.E. has a Colony there – and we need to shut it down."
First, we must apologize for the length of time it took us before we posted this.
Second, the main reason we're so late in putting this chapter out is because we've started a new story - 'Before the Batman.' If you can, please take a look at it and review.
So, remember back in Chapter 5 when Gar was going through the store room and there was that egg? Yeah, we didn't either until we were going back over it. Next chapter, we finally start on that story arc we've been hinting at! Anyway, please review!
I Be Sporks: Congrats! You named them all. Who do you want to make an appearance? We're glad that you enjoyed the last chapter and hope you enjoyed this one as well.
As always, review our faithful readers!