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I have supper with Shireen, Catelyn and Sansa. I wish all three of them good night. I retreat to my chambers, where I check the bag I have hidden under the bed. I send the letter I wrote to Robb, I leave my letter for Catelyn and I go to Shireen's room, to tell her one story more. After that, I wait for the night to grow quiet, for everyone to fall asleep. Then, I leave.

I kept my letter to Robb short and very simple. After endless pages of words he received over the course of the last few weeks, I could not have made this shorter. I simply told him I am leaving and that I will write him as soon as I possibly can, possibly when I reach Castle Black. That is, if I reach Castle Black.

I made him promise me, once again, that he will stay safe. Unfortunately, I could not have made the same promise.

I send the letter and on my way back, I stop to Shireen's chambers. I open the door and there she is, ready for bed, smiling up at me.

"Did you use the medicine?" I ask as I close the door behind me.

"Not yet. I'll do it now."

"No, let me." I smile at her. I take one small, brown bottle from her bedside table as I sit on the edge of her bed. She lowers herself more and closes her eyes, as I apply the cream on her face, keeping my movements as gentle as possible.

The greyscale has not gotten worse in years now, but we still treat it in every way we possibly can. The skin on the left side of her face is dead and as tough as stone. It has not pained her, not ever, but I still barely touch her as I put the cream on it.

"Ready for a story?" I ask her as I wipe away the excess of the cream on the edge of my dress.

"Mermaids?" She asks me and I shrug. "How about something more… Northern?"

"I don't know any Northern stories, Shireen." I shake my head at her. "I can try and make something up, but it will probably not be any good." I shrug my shoulders.

"How about a story of a princess who marries a great Northern King?" She smiles up at me.

"And how about we stick with the mermaids?" I suggest, making her laugh. She moves to the side, making room for me, as I start one of the stories I often told her. I make an effort on changing it a little bit, telling it in a different way every single time, to keep it more interesting for her, but the main story always stays the same. A mermaid falls in love with a Prince she rescued from drowning. The girl was so in love, she gave up on her life and found a way to have legs and not a fish tail. The story ends with her marrying the Prince, and living a joyful, happy life. Without a tail.

"Why are you not asleep already?" I smile at my little sister.

"You look worried." She simply states.

"Do I not look worried at all times?"

"More worried than usual." She tells me, frowning at me.

Am I really going to be this stupid? Will I truly do this? Is it impossible for me to lie to this girl?

Yes, yes and absolutely yes.

"Shireen, what I tell you now must remain a secret." I warn her, watching her eyes go wider. "I will leave Winterfell tonight. No one knows, no one but you. I will be back very, very soon." I reassure her.

"But where are you going?" She asks me, sitting up. "Sophia, you are the Queen. You can't just leave."

"I have to." I shake my head. "It is not my choice and it is not my idea. Robb knows it all. He knows I am leaving and he knows I will come back. He instructed me to do so." I explain.

"But… where? And for how long?"

"I cannot say." I shake my head. "I only know the destination, not the journey. I will do my best to return as fast as I possibly can. I am going to find Robb's brother." I tell her.

"The one everyone thought was dead? Rickon? Brandon?" She asks me and I shake my head.

"No, I am afraid not. I am going to find Jon Snow. Robb's older brother."

"The bastard one?"

"Shireen." I warn her.

"I did not say it as an insult." She says, rolling her eyes at me. I was not expecting her to roll her eyes. Nor to be this mature. Perhaps telling her this was not a mistake after all. "Isn't he at Castle Black?"

"Yes, and that is exactly where I am going." I nod. "It will be safe. The North is the only safe territory in whole of Westeros. I will be back soon and in one piece. But I must talk to Robb's brother on his behalf. And Robb wants me to keep it a secret. Lady Catelyn knows nothing and she cannot find out where I went. I will leave her a letter, an explanation. Robb will explain it as well, he promised. But she should not know where I went before I return. Shireen, please, I need you to be silent about this."

"I will not say a word." She promises. A child she may be, but I trusted those words.

"Thank you. I will leave tonight. Hopefully, the journey will not be long." I tell her. I am more worried about the time it will take to make Jon join me. I am worried that will not be such an easy task.

"Can't I come with you?" Shireen asks.

"I am afraid not, pup. You know it as well. I will be safe and I am not going alone. You will stay here. Lady Catelyn and Sansa will look over you. And all three of you will watch over Winterfell while I am afraid. I need to do this. My husband needs me to do this for him." I sigh.

"Would Mother do anything like this for Father?" Shireen asks.

No matter what Father and Selyse do, no matter how they redeem themselves, I will never forgive them for making Shireen see what she saw. As young as she is, she knows their marriage is not a loving one. She knows the two of them do not care for each other. A child should have been shielded of that. Even I was more shielded than Shireen ever was, and she had me to stand before her and protect her view.

Not only did they ruin everything, but I could not repair it. It was beyond my help.

"I cannot say." I lie, knowing all too well that Mother would never do this. Nor would Father ask her too. "It matters not. This is my marriage, not theirs. My husband. I made a promise to him. I made a promise when I married him, that I will help if help is needed, that I will follow where he leads. I took his name, Shireen. And he needs my help."

"I hope King Robb knows he is a lucky man." Shireen sighs, almost making me laugh.

"Feel free to remind him of that." I joke, making her laugh. "I do not wish to leave you, you know that. I brought you here with me for a reason. But I will be back even before you have a chance to miss me."

"I doubt that." Shireen sighs. When did she become so blunt? "Promise me you will be safe."

"I promise." I lie, yet again, knowing that is something I could not guarantee.

"Will you stay until I fall asleep?" She asks me. I had many other things that needed to be done, but I could not say no to her. I nod and I put my arm around her shoulders.

I wait for her to fall asleep. Luckily for me, it does not take her long. When her eyes are closed and her breath calm, I slowly move away from her, careful not to wake her up. I cover her with furs before I walk out, careful not to look back as I closed the door, knowing I might be tempted to stay.

I do not have a choice. I will do what I have to do. At least now, she will know I did not abandon her.

I make my way back to the chambers, where I check my bag, wondering yet again if I have packed enough food for two grown people. I could not have packed more, even if I wanted to. Which only leaves me with the letter I need to write to Catelyn.

That is easier said than done. For a moment, I thought I could not do it at all.

Catelyn,
I promise you, this is not something I wanted to do.

Believe me when I say it, I would have done it differently, if only I had a chance. I had to leave. I am very, very sorry for not warning you. I am sorry for leaving all the work to you.

I would have done it differently, but I am doing this for Robb. I am living you his letter as well. He asked me to do so, telling me that he will explain it all. I can only hope he will explain it better than I could.

I truly am sorry. Leaving Winterfell in secret almost feels as if I am fleeing, but I am not. I will be back, hopefully very soon. Bear in mind, I am doing this because Robb asked me to do so.

He even instructed me to take Gendry as my companion. I did not run. I would never do that. I am simply doing what my husband asked me to do.

I hope to return soon. And I hope you can forgive me for this.

I beg of you, take care of Shireen. The girl only ever had me, and now I left. Keep her safe until I return, I beg of you. And once again, please, forgive me.

Sophia.

I sigh as I fold the letter, putting the one Robb addressed to her directly under it. I did not read it; after all, it was addressed to his mother, even if it came as a part of my letter. He told me he explains it all. For all I know, he wrote to her about Jon, about what I am about to do. If he did so, I might actually forgive him for this. It is bad enough I am leaving. I cannot imagine trying to explain the situation to her as well.

I wait as I stare out of my window; I wait for all the lights to die down. And when they do, I change. A dress would not be a good choice. I put on breeches and a leather west over a simple shirt. Knowing that the journey will be a cold one, I put on the furs and with two bags over my shoulders, I walk out and I close the chamber doors behind me.

I have been planning this little escape of mine ever since I step foot in this place. By now, I know all the corridors and hallways like the back of my hand; I know which rooms are empty and which stair creeks when I step directly on it. I covered it all, in the hopes of leaving unnoticed.

As I made my way to one small, courtyard house, I realize I was lucky; it was not snowing. The snow on the ground was not high enough; if the weather stays the same, our journey might just be short.

I was lucky Gendry did not lock his door. I was also lucky he did not sleep with a sword in his hand. My luck ran out when I found out that he is not a strong sleeper.

"What in the name of…?!" He yells but I run towards him and I put my hand over his mouth before he wakes the whole castle up.

"Shut up!" I warn him, still not moving my hand away. "Can you stay silent?" I ask, and since he could only mumble over my hand, he nods his head. Slowly, afraid he might change his mind, I move my hand away. He does not yell. "I'm sorry, alright?" I snap, realizing I lost all of my queenly elegance in a matter of seconds. "I should have warned you before, but it is too late now. I need you to come with me."

"Where, Your Grace?" He asks me.

"I can't explain now. Just, follow me. And don't call me that." I add, frowning.

"Your Grace, I can't just leave in dead of night, not knowing where I am going." He tells me.

"Did my husband not tell you to follow my orders and my orders alone?" I ask.

"He did." Gendry nods, looking confused. "And I am not refusing your order. I simply wish to know where is it that I am following you, if you felt the need to sneak in in the dead of night." He adds.

The boy is smart. Courteous, yet blunt.

"I will explain in once we get going." I say, knowing I do not have time to explain it all at this time. "We need to leave Winterfell. We should be away for a few days, I believe. Perhaps more. I need your help with this. I will explain everything once Winterfell is a safe distance away. Now I need you to get dressed and wait for me outside. Can you do that?" I ask. He looks at me, frowning.

"Yes." He nods his head and I breathe out a sigh of relief.

"Good. Meet me outside as soon as you are dressed. I will be waiting. Dress in warm clothes. And this is yours to carry." I say as I put one of the bags on the edge of his bed. Without saying another word, I leave the house and make my way to the stables, careful to stay within the shadows.

For days now, I have been eyeing up the horses, asking Ser Rodrick about them, trying to find the two we could use for this journey. I knew where they were and I knew that they would probably stay calm.

Slowly, I lead them both out the stables, one rein in each hand. I was expecting them to turn on me and ruin my entire plan, but they did not. They were still calm as I returned to Gendry's little house. He was standing outside, waiting for me. I put a finger to my mouth as I hand him the rains over. Slowly, with each of us guiding a horse of our own, we make our way through the courtyard, staying close to the walls.

I knew we could not simply walk through the gate. Just as I knew that there is an opening in the wall that we will start rebuilding in a few days. The opening was not guarded, as Ser Rodrick reassured me that it was not needed. The opening was large enough for two horses and two people to pass.

I do not say a word to Gendry as we step outside the castle walls. I mount my horse and I watch as he does the same. Then, I gently urge my horse to start walking. Away from Winterfell.

…

To his credit, Gendry had patience. I did not say a single word for a long time. As soon as we were safely hidden in the woods, I told him to make a run for it. We needed to be quiet while we were near Winterfell, but now we needed to make the distance between us and the castle as great as possible.

Perhaps Catelyn only notices me missing and does not see the letter straight away. She might send a search party after me, and if that is the case, I need to be sure that her move would not be fruitful. Even with the letter, she might send someone after me.

Besides, the faster we go, the faster we will reach Castle Black.

I only hope Gendry is better at maps than I am.

If we were on a boat, I'd know what to do. Ser Davos told me how to know in which direction the ship is sailing, knowing the winds and currents. Here, I had nothing. I do not know how to follow moss.

We did not stop at dawn and we did not stop for a while after the sun was well up in the sky. It wasn't shining as brightly as I hoped it would, but it was still not snowing.

When I stop, Gendry follows my lead, just as he did since I woke him up.

"Your Grace, please, where are we going?" He asks me as I take a big chug of water.

"You might as well call me Sophia now." I say as I catch my breath. I felt as if I was running for hours, not riding a horse. I can only imagine how Nell, my horse, must be doing now. "I need to get to Castle Black." I say and I see Gendry's eyes widen. "I must speak to someone when I get there. And I cannot go on this journey alone. My husband knew that, and that is why he sent you with me. I am sorry for making you leave the way we did. We will be back at Winterfell soon enough." I reassure him.

"Why did we leave at night? We fled." He tells me. It does not sound right, but it is true.

"I could not have people knowing where I was going. I could not have people knowing who I am going to speak to. As to why, I am afraid you will have to ask my husband." I sigh as I walk over to him and hand him the waterskin. "We should rest for a while, but I we cannot waist time. As soon as the horses rest, we continue. I am sorry, Gendry. I should have told you."

"I am confused, but I am not angry." He tells me as he gives back the waterskin. "King Robb told me to follow you, and that is what I am doing."

"Smart one, King Robb, isn't he?" I sigh, knowing that I would not be this annoyed with my husband had I been in the safety of a castle, and not in the woods, making my way towards Castle Black.

…

"Where could she go?" I ask, looking around the chambers, looking for anything.

"Whatever it is, Mother, I am sure she had a reason." Sansa tells me.

"Did she now?" I sigh.

"Yes, I am sure of it." Sansa tells me. "You know Sophia better than I do, Mother, and even I know she would not simply run away like that."

"You forget she did not want to marry your brother to begin with."

"But she did marry him." Sansa corrects me. "Robb spoke to me of her, Mother. His words were nothing but kind. He trusts her and so do I. She has been nothing but kind to me. She would never leave her sister. If she did decide to run away, she would not leave her sister behind."

That is true. Sophia did not show any attentions of doing what she did, but if she decided to run and leave for good, she would not leave Shireen behind. She worries about that child. The way she acts is almost as if she was the girl's mother. If she decided to flee, she would bring the child with her.

"Where could she have gone?" I ask, looking around the room. It was Sansa who noticed something first.

"Mother, look. It is addressed to you." She tells me, holding up a piece of paper. I grab it from her hand and I start to read Sophia's letter to me, rushing over the lines, having to remind myself to pay attention to what I am reading. By the time I finish reading, my hands are shaking.

"What is it?" Sansa asks. I grab the other letter addressed to me, sitting on the desk, written in Robb's handwriting.

Mother,

Whatever anger you may feel now, do not blame Sophia for it. If you are going to blame anyone, blame me. What she did, she did for me. She did it following my orders.

I imagine that you are worried sick and for that, I apologize in her name as well. She wanted to tell you; it was me who refused, knowing you would try to find, and possibly succeed, in stopping her.

What she is doing is my call and my call alone.

She is going to Castle Back to speak to Jon. If all goes by plan, he will join you all in Winterfell.

You will know now why I did not inform you of this. I wish Sophia did not have to flee Winterfell in secret like this but you know now that it would be impossible to do it any other way. You would have tried to stop her and I could not have that.

The anger that you feel, direct it toward me and not my wife.

I need Jon by my side. I need my brother for this. And I know Sophia can help me get him back.

I apologize, Mother, but it needed to be done.

"Mother, what is it? Mother? Mother?"

"She went to Castle Black."

"To Castle Black?" Sansa asks in surprise. "Why would she go to Castle Black?"

"To speak to Jon Snow." I tell her, noticing her eyes widen. "It is all Robb. She did not leave on her own accord. He asked her to."

"Why? How? Why?" Sansa asks. She was confused, but I am not. I should have expected this. Robb wanted Jon by his side even before he made a deal with Stannis Baratheon.

I never would have imagined that he would use Sophia to help him with this.

"He either wants him here, at Winterfell or with him at the battlefield. I do not know which." I say.

"But that is good, is it not?" Sansa asks. I bite my tongue, not wanting to insult the boy in front of her. "Mother, enough. We have all been through too much. Father is dead and I saw it happen right in front of me." Sansa tells me. I knew she saw it, even if she never spoke of it. "We do not know where Arya is. Nor Bran, nor Rickon. For all we know, they are dead. Our family has been through enough already. I do not want us to fight when there is only a few of us left."

"Sansa, you cannot understand." I shake my head. "Jon is not my child."

"He might not have your blood, but he has Father's. He is not your child and that is not his fault. We need to grow past it, Mother. I understand it is difficult. It would be difficult for me as well. After everything all of us have been through, do you think that perhaps, all of us could simply be civil?"

She does not understand and hopefully, she never will.

"If anyone asks, Sophia is on a journey to Castle Black. We say the truth."

"Should we not keep it a secret?" Sansa asks.

"I would rather have Robb's own people knowing of his plan than thinking that his Queen ran away with a blacksmith. When she and Jon Snow knock on the gate, they will all know."

…

When I realized that Gendry was not a talkative man, I thought I was lucky. At least this way, I would not have to have meaningless conversations; the journey is long enough as it is.

It did not take me long to realize that perhaps I do need a talkative person with me. With all the silence, I had plenty of time to worry about things I did not want to worry about. Robb, Shireen, Catelyn… it was all something I was not ready to face.

"Why King Robb?" I ask, earning a surprised look from Gendry. We were quiet for a long time, as our horses slowly made the way through the woods. We were no longer running away from anything, so we could afford to travel slower than before. "You had four other Kings to choose from. Why Robb?"

"In all honesty, he was the first one to find me." Gendry admits, making me chuckle. "And I wanted to reach the North. It only made sense."

"Why North?" I ask. "Why not stay in King's Landing, since you were there to begin with?"

"You say that like you've never been there. And I know you have." Gendry tells me, frowning as he looks at the road in front of him. For all I know, he has even seen me there. Though I am afraid that my presence would not be as memorable.

"I am only familiar with the royal side of King's Landing." I sigh. "The Red Keep is the finest castle I have ever laid eyes on. Everything about it is fitting for a King, for a royal family. I remember how much I loved the sun too. Dragonstone may be beautiful, but it is as dark as the North, if not even darker. King's Landing was warm. Warm and beautiful, with the sun shining directly on the water, making you look away faster than you would like. Then, the warmth becomes too warm. Sewage, garbage and rotten food, it fills your nostrils. And you realize that King's Landing is nothing more but a pretty surface, hiding something vile and wrong."

"Have you ever been down to Flea's Bottom?" Gendry asks and I shake my head.

"I was never allowed, no."

"For good reason." He nods his head. "If you ever went down there, you'd know why I ran away."

"I understand." I say as he gives me a surprised look. "I understand why there must be a difference. I do not want to say the word class, but that is the only one that comes to mind. I understand why some people are rich and some are power. Why some rule lands and others hold no power. We have tried to do it in other ways, yet it never seemed to work. So, I suppose I understand. And I agree. What I do not agree with is the difference. There should not be such a… gaping hole between those who rule and those who simply live." I tell him. I never spoke about this to anyone. I cannot say why I felt the need to speak now. Perhaps the reason is the gaping whole between him, a blacksmith and me, a Queen.

"I never thought a day would come when I'd hear a Queen say that."

"I might be a Queen, Gendry, but I am afraid it is not as simple as that. I know hunger. I felt hunger. I was lucky enough not to grow up with it, not to feel it at all times, but feeling it once was enough. And once you know hunger, you see things differently."

The siege is not the time I wish to remember. Luckily for me, I was fairly young at the time, so there is not much to remember to begin with. I do remember the feeling of emptiness in my gut. Just as I remember that Father would give me his portion of food.

That does not simply go away. Those memories haunt us. They haunt us, and if we are incredibly lucky, they shape us as well. If there is any luck left, they shape us in a good way; form us into good human beings. I can only hope that I learned my lesson from that.

One thing is certain and that is that Ser Davos has my gratitude for as long as I live.