Thanks for all the reviews! Fun to read and they really keep me going with this one in spite of ChiFi acting like Linseride never happened. To my regulars - glad you're still enjoying this and leaving me feedback. To the new readers - thank you for the kind words.
Kayla resigned herself to the fact that J.P. had dug in for the long haul with these Severides, wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. She figured she'd wait it out, they'd disappoint him soon enough and then they could hit the road, just the two of them. Until that day she'd keep her head down and try to remain unnoticed. Not an easy task. The shopping trips for new clothes, the lunches with Erin, the baseball practices… she'd find herself cracking an unexpected smile, usually at a J.P. antic or a J.P. and Kelly antic.
She could see the couple cared about her kid brother but she also knew deep in her heart, they were subbing in J.P. for some lost baby, some child they couldn't have. Eleven years of disappointment in those she called family had taught her one thing - the only person she could ever rely on was herself. And her baby brother. The two of them. Forever.
Weeks swung by like the bat J.P. had grown so accustomed to, his baseball practices leaving them all ready to see some actual games. Kelly was full of advice but short on action. Kayla heard about him being a fireman but hadn't seen any evidence pointing in that direction. He'd tried to talk to her the first couple of weeks but seemed to give up on that, being shut down at every word. Good, thought Kayla, wanting to be invisible to the couple. Erin just wouldn't give up though.
"Kayla, get your purse. We're meeting Shay for lunch while the boys go to practice. We've had enough baseball for a while, right?" Erin's dimpled grin spreading across her face.
The little girl reached for her backpack doubling as a purse. She had all the essentials within- sketchpad, pencils, her latest book, change of clothes, toothbrush, and a couple of granola bars. Kayla wouldn't go anywhere without it, breaking Erin's heart every time she shuffled through to make sure everything was inside. Refusing to call it a backpack, escape sack, Erin insisted it was a "purse."
Shay was waiting impatiently shifting in the booth uncomfortably. She suggested the little deli with the huge sandwiches, now busy pushing a straw in and out of her Coke.
"So how is he?" the blonde asked, not wasting any time with a fake cheek kiss, just straight to business. Kayla could see why J.P. was in love with Shay, why he got all spacey eyed every time anyone mentioned her name. She was funny and beautiful. And real.
Erin glanced at Kayla who just rolled her eyes as if to say, just talk about whatever because I couldn't care less. She walked to the fountain drinks, leaving the two women alone.
"I don't know, Shay. He does everything Stinson tells him, but he's not any better. He's mad all the time, seems mad at me," Erin spilled it quickly, watching as Kayla was taking her time with the ice and deciding what to drink.
"He's not mad at you, I know that. He loves you, Erin," Shay said matter of factly, sighing heavily. "He told me he's been jumping down your throat about everything, feels terrible."
Erin realized that Kelly was talking to someone, it just wasn't her.
"Yeah, we aren't fighting in front of the kids anymore, go to the bedroom for that," Erin paused thinking they spent more time in the bedroom now and it wasn't for anything good.
"He told me. I don't know what to say, Erin," Shay admitted, telling her friend the same thing the night before. "He hurts and he's too stubborn to say anything, so he tries to suck it all down… and, well, it's just not working."
Kayla returned slurping loudly to let the pair know she was back. She knew they were talking about Kelly, Erin always got that look in her eyes. It was like she was in pain or something.
"So how's school? Do you like your teacher? Are the kids cool? Does the food suck?" Shay rattled off questions like a machine gun, reloading before Kayla had a chance to answer the first round. The young girl couldn't help but laugh.
Erin took off to the bathroom pulling out her phone on the way… Shay wanted to get the girl alone. "Sooo, how are things going with Erin and my Kel, for real?" she asked, eyebrows arched expectantly.
"M-kay," answered Kayla noncommittally, shoving another chip in her mouth.
"Just m-kay? C'mon what's been going on? Have you been treating my best friend right?" Shay pried.
Kayla shrugged her shoulders.
"I need you to do something for me," Shay whispered, causing the girl to draw in closer. "I told you that Kelly had a big operation, right?" Kayla nodded. "Well, I need you to kind of take care of him. But in a way he doesn't know you're doing it. Does that make sense?"
Kayla shrugged again not sure she knew what this crazy blonde meant.
"He's hurt, but like most men," Shay grunted, "he won't take help. And the thing is, he needs it. I don't mean anything big, but if you could get him a glass of water, snack, whatever, I think that would help Erin out a lot. You know, like pull your weight." They thought of a bunch of stuff he needed and all the things Kayla could do for him, Shay smiling at the fact it was as much for the little girl as it was for her friend.
Shay started something that day, started something that would cement two people together. Years later she would embellish the tale, still taking full credit for what became Kay & K.
"Come on, Nicky! If you can't hit off that little runt, we should just run home right now… put on a goddamn skirt," the red-faced man mumbled under his breath, "that what ya want?"
Kelly'd been ignoring the dad for a good fifteen minutes, but his non-existent patience were gone. Replaced with a burning in his neck, slagging shoulders showing he was done for the day.
"You are kiddin' me?! That was a ball!" The man's face was even redder, Severide sure he was heading for a stroke or heart attack. Hoping one would strike about now.
J.P.'s team was practicing, going through drills when the team next in line to use the field started pushing their way on.
"We've got another 15 minutes boys," Coach Reeves yelled out at his guys, and halfway directing it to the other team trying to storm the field. Reeves had been in the game a long time, retired military, played for a minor league team before he realized the big leagues were never happening.
When the coach of the impatient team suggested an impromptu scrimmage, Reeves didn't see the harm. Then he spied a heavyset dad rush over to his kid, slapping him upside the head with a pair of hitting gloves. A few pounds heavier, a couple years older, but the coach knew who it was, Clint Hill. He'd coached the man's boy two years earlier, Nicholas… a giant of a five-year-old, looked more like seven or eight. But the dad was a piece of work, opinions on everything, never satisfied with the line-up, the calls, the field, the uniform, the coaching, the equipment, nothing was ever good enough. They'd parted ways, with Coach Reeves suggesting they never join up again. It'd been a helluva season, the winning record not quite worth all he'd put up with.
Now the scrimmage was in full swing with Clint in full swing. Kelly pushed himself out of the bleachers to move farther away from the man, but nowhere was out of earshot.
"Nicky, if you let that little runt strike you out again, you're walkin' home. Get your weight behind the bat. C'mon. Knock one down his throat!"
Kelly could see J.P. getting flustered, the little boy's confidence not needing this kind of hit. After the months of bolstering him up, Severide could see him deflating, returning to the shell that had showed up for a couple nights only, turning into a couple weeks, now a forever thing with the little one answering to son. Kelly relishing his role as dad. The only thing temporarily wiping away the pain of a broken neck and broken dreams of a return to firefighting.
Everyone was put out of their misery when Coach called the scrimmage.
"These pussycats don't want anymore," Clint yelled out to his boy who'd struck out once and hit a single his second time at bat.
"They're Wildcats," Kelly muttered heading down the bleachers, feet stomping heavily.
"Look like a bunch a kittens to me," snorted the obnoxious dad who was acting like his kid had just hit a homerun to win the Little League World Series.
Kelly bit the inside of his cheek tasting blood, his hands working imaginary stress balls. He took off J.P.'s cap to rustle his hair … "Hey, don't worry about that guy. You'll kick his ass in the regular season."
J.P. was fighting back tears, not wanting to disappoint Mr. Kelly, Kelly, dad.
"Send 'em cryin' that's the way to do it, Nicky," came booming across the field.
"A real man can look the other way, a bigger man," Kelly whispered, running his hand along J.P.'s back. He grabbed the little boy's hand, it given willingly.
"No cryin' in baseball. Ha! Right, Nicky?" Clint slapped his son on the back, walking quickly to catch up to the fireman.
"What's wrong with your dad?" Nicholas asked J.P. now matching his stride.
"That ain't his daddy. Gotta be some exchange program or charity case."
Kelly stopped, turning to face Clint, the fireman's eyes slits of blue, the furrow in his forehead burrowing a trail on his forehead. J.P.'s eyes were huge, his hand now yanking on Kelly's.
Erin saw the huge steak covering over half of J.P.'s face, the bag of peas resting on Kelly's eye and was at a loss. Kayla jumped in, "What… what happened?"
Her brother's smile matched by the man's sitting next to him. J.P.'s voice was full of excitement as he told of the ugly words slung his way, the "ignoring him because we're the bigger man, right, Kelly?" and the fireman getting punched in the face. Then J.P. getting punched in the face. "But it didn't even hurt, right Kelly?" And finally, the punches from the two on the couch to end the baseball debacle.
The grin on Kayla's face was enough to relax the churning in Erin's stomach. It was genuine, probably the first one she'd given since joining her brother in the Severide fold. She retrieved a bag of corn from the freezer, replacing the melting peas on Kelly's face like this was something she did everyday. Kayla squeezed in between the two boys holding her brother's hand.
"Thanks, K," Kelly said grabbing her hand, giving it a quick squeeze, surprised she didn't pull away.
The crumbling of the Kayla walls had been happening without anyone knowing. Every time Erin tucked in the two kids, all the baseball practices Kelly dragged himself to, the laughter at the dinner table, all the little things were forcing her to drop her guard, to let a smile appear, to accept a kind word. The "incident" on the baseball field turned out to be the clincher, showing Kayla that the old guy, J.P.'s instant dad was for real. She let herself accept the love the couple was giving, or at least some of it.
Kayla was doing everything she could to help out the fireman, taking Shay's words to heart. They were becoming a family.
But the cloud hanging over them was darkening. Months of a recovery that wasn't quite happening were taking their toll. The line between the truth and Kelly's dream of a squad return seemed to be widening. He felt like reality was closing in and he'd have to face it. Soon. He closed his eyes against the thought as he walked into the imaging center. Another MRI. Another letdown.
He lay in the hollow tube not moving, used to the confined space, accustomed to the haunting clanking. Kelly resisted drawing in a deep breath, not wanting to prolong his time in there with movement. He'd meet with Stinson in three days, bracing himself for more disappointment. Erin's warm arms circling around him, the only thing keeping him sane. J.P. keeping him moving, preventing him from giving in to those fleeting thoughts of getting some real pain relief. Of calling in some favors to escape inside the world he had stumbled into the last time he broke his neck. He had to be better this time. A little boy, his son, was counting on him. His sister more than counting on him. She needed him, needed Erin, needed a family and didn't even know it.
Now, Erin sat next to her man, a hand squeezing Kelly's thigh lightly. The words hung razor sharp between them. Dr. Stinson's words.
The ride home was silent, a couple of deep breaths from the fireman the only noise. The radio off, both lost in thoughts of months of more rehab. Months, maybe another year.
They walked up to the condo just as Shay dropped off J.P. and Kayla from school. Erin's look said now was not a good time for a full Kelly update. She left, worry furrowed in her brow, needing her redhead more than ever.
"How was school?" Erin asked absentmindedly, eyes still peeled on her husband. J.P. rattled on about a writing competition Kayla's teacher was making her enter. The newness of the student hadn't prevented Mrs. Mueller from noting the talent in the young girl.
"That's great, Kayla," Erin enthused, running her hand along the eleven-year-old's back. Kayla smiled tensely.
"I guess," she said not used to attention, dumping her backpack by the front door. She was watching Erin and Kelly, aware that something had happened. A not good something.
"You're gonna win. I know it!" J.P. wouldn't give up, his toothy white grin spreading to his eyes. He deposited his backpack by Kayla's, kicking his shoes off by the kitchen table. "Miss Eri, I mean mom, thinks you're gonna win too, right?" he asked, still not comfortable with the word mom. He loved the sound of it, but it would take more months before it rolled off his tongue like it had always been there.
"No, I don't think, I know," Erin started, her brows raising as Kelly found an old bottle of Jack tucked way back in the pantry. He poured himself a shot, draining it in one gulp. Three pairs of eyes watching. He poured another glass, taking it back to the table.
"Goddammit, J!" Kelly yelled tripping over one of J.P.'s shoes, dumping half the shot down the front of his shirt before catching himself with his free hand, it slamming down on the dining room table. "Your shit is everywhere!" he continued, words tumbling out with the frustration of the day.
J.P. ran back to his room with Kayla running after, but not before shooting Kelly a look that he thought he could feel. His gut tightened as he cursed himself, bringing the glass and the remaining liquid down on the table. Did he just demolish the small strides he'd made with the girl in a matter of seconds?
"I'll take care of it," Erin said, kissing him on the head before joining the kids in the bedroom. The three appeared a few minutes later, Kelly still at the table running his hand through his hair, staring at the empty glass.
"We'll be back in a bit, Kel. We're getting treats. Do you want one?" Erin kissed him on the mouth, pulling on his chin so he'd look her in the eyes. Those hazel eyes saying everything was okay.
J.P. hugged Kelly quickly from the side, both diverting their eyes downward. Severide was ashamed at the outburst, but not knowing how to fix it. Kayla brushed Kelly's shoulder with her hand as she passed by, but he wasn't sure if it was an accident.
He showered in a burning hot rush of water, one he hoped would wash away his guilt, his pain, all of it. Absolve him of everything. It didn't.
When the three returned home, he was in bed feigning sleep. Erin quietly joined him, wrapping her arms around her husband, kissing him on the cheek, stroking it softly. Once her breathing evened out, becoming that peaceful rhythm he loved, Kelly rolled out of bed. He padded lightly to the door, not turning on a light until he reached the kitchen. After a quick drink, he headed to his real destination.
The soft breathing sounds coming from the bedroom were a comfort to Kelly. He'd check on J.P. every night, now checking on Kayla too. He slowly opened the door, inching his way in. J.P.'s bed closest to the door. Kayla had left her bed and was smooshed against her brother, both packed into the twin bed. J.P. was facing the door, eyes closed, asleep.
Kelly knelt down, running his hand along the boy's arm. "J.P., you up?" he asked, hoping he wouldn't wake up Kayla. "J.P. wake up."
"Hmm?" the boy mumbled, rubbing his eyes, the light from the hallway shining on his face.
"J.P., you awake?" Kelly whispered a hair louder.
"Yes sir," he answered, shaking his head a little. "What's wrong?" He propped his head up on a hand, elbow resting on his pillow.
"I'm sorry about today, J. I wasn't mad at you. You're the best kid ever," Kelly said, his voice on the verge of breaking, his face the most serious the little boy had seen.
"Mom told us the doctor didn't have good news," J.P. admitted hesitantly, the concerned eyes hitting Kelly in the heart. "but you're gonna be fine."
Kelly put his head in the little boy's pillow, a tiny hand finding the back of his head. He couldn't speak, words choked off by the boy's hand trying to offer some comfort to the fireman.
"I'm sorry I blew up at you. J.P." Kelly repeated, voice so hoarse. "You're the best kid, the best son. You know that, right?"
When Kayla woke up the next morning, she felt around in the small bed, her brother gone. Must be up already, she thought groggily. She heard something on the floor, soft snoring and soft breathing. Peeking her head over the side she saw her brother laying on his stomach. He wasn't alone. Right next to him was Kelly, also on his stomach. She stared at J.'s hand resting on the man's back. Protectively.
Kayla smiled.
So some strides in getting Kayla to come around, but no miracle recovery for Kelly. Happier times coming soon with some drama mixed in. :)