It wasn't that Gaster didn't like the children- he just didn't trust them. He knew that the feelings were absolutely absurd; they were just children, after all. Maybe it was just the way Vari glared at him and tensed when he gave his terse introduction. And while monsters were more good-natured than any human, even a human child in some cases, Reya could still be a threat with her magic. Except for one thing.
"Oh, that," She said sheepishly, drawing her hands to her chest self consciously when Sans asked why her soul felt weak, "I have a pretty weak soul for a monster. The doctor in camp said something about it not taking in enough magic from the air. I don't really get it, but, uh, yeah." She ducked her head down, wringing her hands nervously.
Gaster grunted. He knew what she was talking about- it was, in a fashion, what afflicted humans. Humans had too much material already in their soul, with how much they had of different traits and especially their base trait, to absorb much magic. Her soul was probably just abnormally small.
Vari hung behind her protectively while she was talking, eyes trained on Gaster. The doctor wasn't entirely sure what the boy expected to happen, but maybe it was a good thing he hated other humans so much. Sans had already recounted what he had found in the remnants of the camp.
Gaster honestly didn't care much about the children, though. He had a duty to fulfill to Sans, if they wanted to tag along Gaster wouldn't stop them. He just wouldn't go out of his way to help them either.
They skirted the edge of the black ground, none of them willing to enter its charred premises. They walked the rest of the day in relative silence, the children in the back and Sans and Gaster in the front. A couple of times, Reya and Vari talked quietly, but Gaster didn't listen to what they were saying, even if he could hear them. Sans had been lenient with meals and breaks before, letting Gaster simply skip them so they could walk farther, but now he made him stop every hour or so to let the kids rest for a few minutes. Exasperated though he was, Gaster wasn't particularly upset by it. They were just children, after all, he couldn't expect such single-minded focus from them. Even if he wanted to.
"I'd say it's about lunchtime." Sans announced. Gaster glanced up to find the sun soaring high overhead, confirming what Sans had said. The skeleton turned to the kids. "What do you guys want to eat?"
Vari glared at Gaster silently. Reya saw this and took a deep breath. "Er, what do you have?"
Sans smiled at them, though Gaster wasn't sure why. And he wasn't expecting the hearty clap on the back Sans gave him, making him stumble forward under the force. "Gaster here can turn the grass around us into any plant you want!"
Reya looked to Gaster for confirmation. He just shrugged.
She hesitated, then asked, "Even grapes?"
Instead of responding, Gaster knelt down and poured magic into the grass next to them. It turned white for a moment as he morphed it and twined it together into a vineyard, plump purple, green, and red grapes growing into existence along its length. Reya gave a tiny squeal of delight, stepping forward and plucking a red grape from its newly formed home. Vari looked at the spell with the same level of distrust he always did.
Reya tried to hand him some grapes. "I'm not eating those." He said, stepping back. "You shouldn't either. You don't know what he did to them."
Reya frowned. "I'm sure they're harmless, Vari." She assured him in that subdued voice of hers.
He persisted, though, turning his nose up at them. Well, it didn't bother the doctor if the child chose to go hungry. Sans had a different idea though, grabbing Gaster's arm and dragging him over to the food, much to his chagrin. He picked a handful of green grapes and pushed half of them into Gaster's hand. Gaster stared at them, stomach growling but with no desire to eat.
"Eat them." Sans growled, nodding towards Vari. He watched keenly.
Gaster sighed and put one into his mouth, chewing methodically. It wasn't awful, but Gaster simply didn't want food. It was a challenge simply to swallow, but somehow he forced himself. Sans smiled and chomped down on his own.
Vari huffed and begrudgingly collected some fruit for his lunch. Reya smiled at him and patted the ground next to her where she was sitting in the grass. Gaster ate a couple more grapes at Sans' prodding before withdrawing from the others and waiting a short distance away.
He didn't know how to feel anymore. He didn't want to live if it meant carrying this emptiness like a hungry beast inside of him. But... Sans had been right. Lytle hadn't wanted Gaster to blame himself; she had wanted him to live.
How could he not blame himself though? He might as well have been the one to light the fire. He couldn't save her, so he ended her. Not only her, but all the monsters as well. He didn't do anything to kill them, but he hadn't exactly done anything to prevent their deaths. And he had done experiments on them, experiments that he shuddered to even think about, experiments that brought up a dark mass of feeling and memories Gaster preferred stay buried. He wondered what Sans would think if he found out what he had done to the other monsters. If Lytle were still alive, he doubted she would even be able to look at him. He couldn't even look at himself.
Gaster forced the thoughts out of his mind, focusing on the ground in front of him. He didn't know what to think, so why bother anymore? It was better to just stare ahead, mind blank as a fresh sheet of paper. He absently fingered the flower in his pocket.
Gaster snapped to attention. Vari had let out a squeal, jumping to his feet and running after a laughing Reya. The doctor furrowed his brow, watching apprehensively as Vari tried to tackle the bunny, but she was too light on her feet and easily evaded him. He landed in a cloud of dust and a rustle of grass. Reya blinked down at the spot in the tall grass Vari had fallen, only to be tapped on the stomach by a little human hand. She huffed as Vari sprinted away, giggling at his trick. She chased after him, but he was too short to be seen easily over the grass.
Tag. They were playing tag.
Gaster wanted to stop them, fearing any who might be close, but couldn't bring himself to interrupt their fun. He continued to watch them quietly and flared his soul's presence. He would know well in advance if anyone was coming. The children continued to run around, taking short pauses every now and then to chomp down a handful of grapes.
"Heh, it's been awhile since I've seen something so light-hearted." Gaster glanced at Sans. The skeleton had walked over to stand beside where Gaster sat. Gaster grunted in agreement. Sans looked up at the sky overhead, where the sun continued to roll through the sky. "We should probably get going soon, but let's give them a few more minutes. Sound good?"
Gaster shrugged. Vari tripped on something, probably a rock, landing hard. He rubbed his chin and sniffled, but Reya was beside him in an instant, eyes filled with concern. Vari grinned and put on a brave face for her, and their game continued.
They made good time after their break for lunch, now that Vari trusted Gaster a bit more. Instead of walking slowly and carefully behind the main group, he actually pushed them forward, more energy trapped in his bones than Sans and Gaster combined. Gaster wanted to keep going through the night, but Sans reminded him that they had more companions now that had to be cared for. Gaster said he didn't particularly care. Sans sighed.
"Look, Gaster, these kids have been through a lot. Let's just let them rest for the night, okay?"
Gaster arched an eyebrow, glancing back at the children. They were engaged in a conversation of their own, but Gaster still kept his voice hushed anyways. "I only had us moving during the day to make up for lost time. We shouldn't be moving in broad daylight."
Sans shook his head. "It'll probably be okay. After all, the soldiers have already combed through this area from the sounds of it. Besides, we can fight off some soldiers."
Gaster grunted, and didn't press the issue further. Sans told the kids they were stopping to make camp, and Gaster didn't object. He made another depression in the ground for them to rest, and the children watched him work with a mix of awe and fear. Gaster raised an eyebrow at them.
Vari scrunched up his nose. "Why do you have so much magic?"
Gaster stared at the shallow hole in the ground. "I don't know." He said more bitterly than intended. Reya scooted away and Vari scowled.
"What Gaster means is," Sans swooped in hurriedly to cut the tension rising thick between them, "He just has more magic in his soul than most humans. More than most monsters, actually. He didn't ask for it, but he has it so he uses it."
Vari continued to watch Gaster carefully, set on edge by this newfound danger. Gaster turned away to sit by the edge of the hole and keep watch. He didn't really care whether or not the kid trusted him.
"Um," Reya began, wringing her paws. Gaster turned, but she was talking to Sans, "Can we make a fire? It gets pretty cold at night."
Sans glanced at Gaster, giving his best attempt at a grimace past his skull grin. "I don't know, a fire would attract a lot of attention."
"Oh." She laid her ears back, and shuffled her feet. "Well, I used to make fires back at the camp after everything happened, and nothing bad happened."
Sans kept glancing back at Gaster, though the doctor had no clue why. Sans eventually sighed and nodded. "Yeah, we can make a fire. Just a small one though." He added as Reya's eyes lit and she scampered off to collect material to burn. Vari slinked behind her.
Sans collapsed next to Gaster with a sigh, scratching the back of his head. Gaster glanced at him, but didn't say anything, going back to watching an ant crawl among the grass. "Those kids are a bit of a handful. But I like them."
Gaster didn't reply. He didn't see a point in it. What worth did the opinion of a dead man have?
"Don't know if a fire is the best idea though." Sans continued after an ample pause to see if he would speak. "Might attract unwanted attention. Might even catch the field on fire if we're not careful."
"I could put it out." Gaster mumbled absently. He could feel Sans tense beside him, though he wasn't entirely sure why.
"Yeah, yeah, I bet you could. So what's for dinner tonight?" Sans prompted excitedly.
Gaster shrugged. "Probably something with protein to keep our strength up. Maybe something with calcium for you."
Sans was grinning. Gaster wasn't sure what there was to grin at. "Sounds good. You do that, I'll make sure the kids don't do something stupid."
Gaster watched the skeleton get up and leave with a confused frown. He shrugged it off and waited for them to return, Vari carrying limp piles of dead grass he had plucked from the ground and Reya hefting a bundle of sticks, though Gaster wasn't sure where she had managed to find any. There weren't many trees out here. The children cleared out a circle and set stones around it just in case, then Reya set down some of the wood and Vari added the kindling. Reya's brow furrowed and her ears bent back at an angle as she concentrated. The pile smoked at the intensity of her stare before finally catching fire. Gaster traced a rune in the dirt beside him, a different version of the spell he had given Avery on the day Sans had arrived. It wouldn't block of the smoke, but it would create a bubble around the group where the light wouldn't go through. Vari and Reya huddled next to the fire as the chill of night descended. Sans sat with them, even though he didn't need it. Gaster couldn't rightly feel the cold, or the heat for that matter, anymore.
He turned the grass around them into an assortment of nuts and fruits to keep their strength up, and the child happily roasted them above the fire. The air was filled with the sweet and savory scent. It was enough to make Gaster's stomach noisily remind him that he hadn't eaten much it in several days, and he begrudgingly took part of dinner too.
For all the contentment evident on their faces, it was quiet, the only noise the crunch of food and the crackle of fire. It was peaceful. And Gaster could actually feel part of that.
It was... nice.
Once his belly was full and his eyelids started drifting close, Reya picked up Vari and laid him down gently, not too close to the fire but close enough that it would keep him warm. Sans turned in next, settling down and watching the flames dance until his sockets pulled closed and his breathing evened. It was just Reya and Gaster.
Gaster almost wanted to say something, but he didn't know what he could possibly say that could comfort the girl. Her eyes were distant, reflecting the fire like a mirror of nothingness. The fire had burned her badly, just like Gaster. For some reason, he didn't care how he felt gazing into its hungry red maw, but seeing such a young, innocent monster scarred by its touch, it stirred something inside him.
But how could he help her if he couldn't even help himself? He would never be able to soothe the burn, but maybe... maybe he could make the scar more bearable.
He took a deep breath, stirring his magic. It had been a very long time since he had tried it, but right now it was the only thing he could think of. At least his teacher had been one of the best, much better than the Arch-mage.
It was like he was controlling a puppet, but instead of strings it was magic and instead of a doll it was fire. Shifting, burning fire. Reya jumped back as the flame leapt up, reaching into the air with a tongue that tumbled and clawed into a cat. The fiery kitten rolled to a stop three feet in the air. Reya watched in wide-eyed shock as it stood and padded around, paws alighting on nothing but air. The kitten stopped, watching with an eyeless face and a twitching tail as the embers drifting in the air fluttered into butterflies. The kitten pawed at them in wonder, the insects paying little mind to it and soaring down to circle a startled Reya. She shrunk away from the Fires at first, but eventually she straightened and gave out a tentative smile. The kitten plodded over to her, moving as if walking down an invisible set of stairs. Reya watched it with apprehension, but didn't flinch away as it flopped down next to her, crackling in the best imitation of a purr.
From there, Gaster brought more of the meager flame to life. Deer leapt from its depths, flowers popped up from the ashes and swayed in an unseen wind. Owls and doves soared above, coos replaced with soft pops and feathers painted red. Reya didn't even fully notice as the kitten rolled to its feet, crawled into her lap, and began massaging the inside of her leg with paws made not truly of fire, but of warmth and light incarnate. She was grinning, watching the animals frolic in their quiet procession in silent appreciation. For a moment, even Gaster forgot about the horrors he had seen, how he had been burned. All he saw was beauty and life.
But reality was cold and brutal. The moment the tide came rolling back in, he was swept under it. The fire creatures died, and Reya's smile disappeared as the creatures wisped away to nothing but ash and embers, leaving her with nothing but the dwindling fire immediately in front of her and the man sitting beyond that. Gaster blinked at the wave of emotions that threatened to drag him back into the depths of self-loathing.
"Was that you, Mr. Gaster?" Reya asked, still watching the fire in awe.
Gaster was pulled back to the moment. "Yes."
"O-Oh." Reya stammered at his terse response. "Well, it was wonderful. That- That was monster magic, wasn't it?"
"All magic is the same." Gaster recited, pulling out an old piece of memorized material and blowing the dust off. "Monster souls are more closely tied to magic, so they don't have to use runes or words to help channel it. The magic I just used, however," Gaster continued, his hands idly signing along with his words, "was learned from an elemental."
Reya gasped, eyes shining. "You've met an elemental? Mr. Gaster, that's amazing! What was it like?"
Gaster smiled fondly, filled with a sad sort of nostalgia. "He was terrific. He helped raise me."
"Really?" Reya was positively ecstatic. "I've never met an elemental. Most of them were wiped out by..." Reya trailed off, shrinking back as she realized what she was talking to. "Er, I mean-"
Gaster shook his head, interrupting her fumbling for words. "It's alright, I already know. Human mages killed most of the elementals. I was actually partly raised by a refugee from that massacre."
Reya blinked. Gaster gave her a moment to gather her thoughts. "So... was he the one who taught you this fire manipulation magic? Was he a fire elemental?"
Gaster nodded.
She was fiddling with one of her ears, nervously petting the back of it. "Would you teach it to me? My soul isn't the greatest at handling magic, but, I figured if a human could learn it, someone like me could too. Though Sans did say that you have a lot of magic for a human, huh? I think I could still manage though. Ha, ha..." She trailed off awkwardly as she realized she was rambling.
Why did everyone assume that just because Gaster was good at magic he could teach others magic? But looking into such pleading eyes... He motioned her over, a bubble of nervousness rising in his chest. Looking into those eyes so full of hunger for knowledge, he was almost transported back in time, back to sitting under a tree with the monster who had helped raise him.
Edgar, the fire elemental.