Sevasey #18

I Miss Him

Kelly had felt the loss of the two children who he had considered like they were his own until everything changed that fateful day. And he knew that going home to an empty house was not easy. He found himself stood on the doorstep of Matt's house and knocking on the door whilst he held a bottle of whiskey in his other hand.

Heather had been released from prison, and had whisked the boys, Griffin and Ben, away. Away from all that they knew and had known, and from everyone they loved and who loved them. And had left Matt not only with an empty house, but also with an empty void given it was his way to experience his dream of a family.

Kelly knew how much those boys meant to Matt because they meant to world to him too. They were also one of their last connections to their fallen brother and best friend Andy, although neither would admit that painful truth.

The door opened and revealed Matt. "I bought whiskey." He held up the bottle and then stepped into the house as Matt stepped aside. There were small reminders everywhere of the life this house had had just hours ago; it was evident in the toys that had been left, and the colourful drawings that were proudly displayed.

"Heather left with the boys a few hours ago." Matt informed him as he passed by, heading to the kitchen. He already knew though, it had taken a lot of self restraint not to come by to say another goodbye but he also didn't want to upset Heather or ruin Matt's final moments with the boys. Matt reappeared with two glasses and sat himself down on the couch once both glasses were on the table in front of him.

"They'll be okay." Kelly wasn't sure who he was reassuring more, Matt or himself, as he took his jacket off and sat down next to him opening the whiskey and pouring them both a large glassful.

"Will they?" The question was laced with insecurities and doubts as Matt took the glass from him then settled back on the couch tiredly. Kelly looked at Matt and waited for him to explain further, waited for him to voice all that was worrying him as it would eventually happen. "Heather made this life altering decision whilst still in jail without any consideration for the boys, for the life they continued. I mean look how far they came, Griffin loved being at the firehouse again and Ben excelled in reading... They got the family back that they lost, all of us at 51, especially you, their favourite uncle... And she took them away from Andy and all that he loved."

Kelly felt his breath hitch at Matt's last sentence as it hadn't even occurred to him that they were leaving Andy behind. Sure Andy was a part of them, a part of who they were and they would carry him with them, but he remained behind in Chicago, alone in a cemetery, the place that he grew up in, the city he loved, that he called home and where he wanted his children to be raised.

"Andy… as long as they are happy, he would have been okay with it, I think." Kelly didn't really know what to say, he was at a loss for words as a large part of him agreed with what Matt had voiced.

"I know, he lived for those boys and their happiness meant everything to him. I'm just worried."

"I miss him." The quiet admission from Kelly shifted the atmosphere between the two.

"I do too." Matt reached forward and grabbed the bottle of whiskey, refilling both of their glasses feeling like they both needed it.

Kelly drank half of his glass immediately, feeling the smooth liquor ease its way down his throat. "Sometimes I wonder how different things would be if he was still here." It was a simple statement but the possible answers were endless.

"Everything would be... I was thinking about when Andy was packing to move in with Heather whilst helping the boys pack their stuff. More specifically that tiny apartment that we managed to squish ourselves into." Watching the boys pack had made him reminiscent as they were so much like their father.

"We had some of the best times in that apartment." Kelly couldn't help but smile as the memories flooded his brain, memories that he hadn't thought about in a long time. The apartment had three small bedrooms and one bathroom, it was a dump but it was cheap and that was all that they could afford on their candidate's pay. There wasn't enough hot water and there was always a problem with something in the place that had to be fixed. Often the apartment was freezing in winter especially with the brutality of Chicago's winters as the heating often went out; there had been more than a few nights where they had slept in the lounge in front of the fire with multiple layers of clothing on and every blanket that they had in an attempt to keep warm.

"Remember that time that Andy set the kitchen on fire in the middle of the night. We woke up to a smoky apartment and the alarm going off. And you had that girl in your room." Matt was already laughing as he replayed the memory. The apartment had been full of smoke and the high pitched alarm was blaring which had bought them racing out of their rooms only to find Andy having finished extinguishing the fire and giving them the most innocent look he could muster. Kelly had a girl, her name escaping him, tucked into his side. The three of them had looked at each other and burst into laughter before trying to clear the smoke out.

"Mr innocent that night. I can't even remember what he had been trying to make but I know we had to get rid of the pan and that smell of smoke lingered for a few days after." Kelly was trying to keep his laughter at bay it failing miserably.

"Pancakes, he was craving pancakes. We had to get rid of a few pans after his multiple failed attempts at cooking." Matt shook his head.

"Remember that winter storm that knocked the power out and pretty much shut the city down, and Andy had done the emergency supplies shopping."

"He was good at getting out of things, maybe that was a strategic move by him... His idea of emergency supplies was ridiculous especially considering he was a firefighter. And then to call them 'essentials'. We did have fun though despite freezing." Matt sounded exasperated and Kelly couldn't help the laughter as it was the exact same tone he had when they had got home just as the storm had set in and found out what Andy had bought. Andy had stocked up on alcohol, candy and chocolate but had forgotten about things like batteries, candles and matches. That was one of those nights spent in the lounge.

"Yeah we did... Do you recall our first Christmas in that place? He was so dismayed by your lack of Christmas spirit." Kelly knew he wasn't into Christmas either but Matt used to be even more disdainful of it.

"It ended up looking as if elves had spewed decorations everywhere. I don't think there was an inch of space that was left uncovered. He loved Christmas." The apartment was covered in so much tinsel and so many decorations and just as many fairy lights. The childlike excitement that Andy had was infectious.

"That goddamn tree, I still haven't worked out how he got it into the apartment." The tree was the height of the room and was wedged in, and it glowed, there may have even been an ongoing joke about it being as bright as a lighthouse.

"I never did either..." The two let the silence settle over them both with sad smiles on their faces as they remembered their fallen friend who made their lives a little brighter and a hell of a lot better. There was a shared unity between them, one that was built on shared history and friendship.