5.04
The Beginning
The warm breeze is something that I had always loved. Opening my eyes I see the soft color of the sunrise beginning to peek over the horizon. It is that moment that always brought a smile to my face. Looking at it from on top of the Summerville Water Tower has become one of my newest favorite past times. It has been where I have been coming every day when the dreams become too hard to bear.
I can still remember the dreams.
"Mom," I say. "I hope that you are somewhere happy… I brought you, your favorite…"
Looking at the book in my hand, I open the cover and see it there.
'L.E.W.'
The 'W' written in a different color ink, it always reminded me that this book was with her before she met my father, before she had me. It was what I found underneath my bed one day while cleaning. All the books that my mother had loved throughout the years were all in a box with my name on it. It seems that she had always wanted me to have them when she died. The book mark still there in its proper place. Opening the book I find myself on chapter five with a passage already ready to be read.
"There is no beginning, no middle, no end, no suspense, no moral, no causes, no effects. What we love in our books are the depths of many marvelous moments seen all at one time."
It was still highlighted in the same pink highlighter that she must have used all those years ago. It is fade but I can still see it there, can still make it out. There are times when I can almost picture her in my head, still hear her voice reading these books to me as I fell asleep.
"Dad is finally happy, Mom," I say out to the air hoping that she is listening. "He finally hums those songs that we use to. In a couple of week we are going to go back down to Savannah to visit Aunt Caroline."
The memory still catches me off guard as well. Letting out a small laugh, I remember exactly what happened, although not my finest hour.
"I know, I was so surprised that I almost fell out of my chair," I say. "Well at least I hope you didn't see what happened after that."
The chocolate milk up my nose was something that I hope no one would ever see or experience, although for me, both had already happened. It was clear out of the blue, he was washing the dishes when suddenly he just turned and told me how he wanted to take a trip down to visit Aunt Caroline.
"Things have been good," I continue speaking to the wind. "Finished school, and going to look at some of the colleges in a couple of weeks. You will be happy to know that Link actually finished school, well just barely, and yes, kicking and screaming passed the finish line, but he did…"
The clouds begin to appear in the distance. Gatlin just looks so peaceful from here, almost as if a postcard of a quiet southern town. The town where the best pies are made and people are nice even if they don't mean it.
My hand twiddles the book mark in my hand. The things that we do that we don't really realize until someone mentions it.
"I know, I know" I say. "But it is better than a sock or a spoon…"
The little things that remind of us everything, it was what my mother always used to remind her of important dates or important moments. Lifting it up to my nose I inhale just a little bit and can still smell it. The rosemary still soft and still brings memories of that day.
Ethan
I can hear her voice although groggy in my head, but still there, still present. It is always the best way to wake up, with her there with me. After a while you get used to having someone in your head sometimes seeing what you see, or reading what you read. I never could understand though, how one of the most powerful Caster could be still the most fragile.
Morning L
I still smile every time I hear her voice, my heart still skips a beat how does she do that? It is as if every single time that we see each other it is as if we haven't seen each other for a very long time.
Couldn't sleep?
It was becoming a routine here and there. The things that we went through, I guess would bring anyone nightmares. Well not to mention dying here in the same spot and coming back just the same as I left. I still wake up and for a small fraction of time I don't know where I am.
Tried
Well you should have woken me
It is true that I should have, but of course I didn't want to keep her up all night talking about my mom, and how much I miss her. She had been the one that I have been talking to, to get through the cobwebs in my mind.
I should have
Water Tower?
Yeah, only place that I could find it easier to talk to her, I guess.
It was true. At first I would just run and run and run until my body gave out. Most of the time I would keep myself in Gatlin, but of course I would end up at her grave and seeing her name there carved in the stone, so final, it always hurt more than help.
The pain though that my body felt was much more appropriate, much more deserving, that what I felt in my heart. It started to hurt less and less as I went farther and farther out of town. Reaching the Water Tower was the only place that I could think of that brought a smile to my face.
Breakfast?
I can feel her smile through my mind and know that it has sort of become a tradition of ours.
Give me a couple.
"Mom," I say looking at the sky now brilliant with the colors of the new day. "I really wish you could have met Lena, you would have liked her. Until tomorrow."
Once on the ground I know that I have a couple of minutes before Lena reaches the Water Tower, so I just start to walk down the main highway going back towards Gatlin. The quiet walk is something that I treasure now, can still feel the ground beneath my feet, the strong breathing through my lungs. There is just something about being connected to something so much bigger than you are.
After a couple of minute and a couple of cars, I see the black car coming down the road. Sticking out my thumb, I sort of want to sell the story of a wanderer. She of courses flashes her headlights, which of course brings a smile to my face. Slowing down the car finally comes near me, she lowers her window.
"Mighty fine of you to stop ma'am," I say trying to gather the most southern type accent I could.
"Need a ride," Lena says smiling.
"Well," I say. "I be in your debt if you could give me a ride to this little old diner called Lil' Joes. It's a couple of miles down this here road towards Summerville."
We can't hold it any longer and the laughter comes out almost at the same time. She clicks the door and as I open she looks over to the road. It is the open road and having her next to me that just feels right. I had wanted to ask her to come with me to visit the schools, but of course the subject is one of those that we hardly talk about. It is all about living today and living for what we have as if tomorrow isn't promised to us.
Lil Joe's is only a couple of miles away from the Water Tower, and yet it feel as if we are in a whole new world when we go there. The fact that no one knows us, or our families is the best of it all, we can just stop in get some food and be treated as if we are just passing by. I wonder though, did it exist back when my mother was alive, and if it did, did my father and her go there. It does look like some place that they would go to.
"So you want to talk about it," she asks me.
"Honestly, I just...," I start but can't find the words. "I guess, it is just coming back and remembering her all over again. It is almost as if I had lost her yesterday, and the wounds...you know."
There is a small silence.
I know, it does get better you know...
"Thinking about my mom going off to college," I say. "Trying to find herself in this new world, I don't know, it is always the one thing that I thought we would share together. If you weren't there for me,...I don't know if I would..."
It gets hard sometimes to talk about this things. We would always try to keep light but it seems as if we had lost so much that time doesn't allow us to be on the surface.
"Yeah I know," she says. "You were the one who kept me going, after you know my Uncle..."
We both smile before the silence become uncomfortable. It is a good thing that we didn't have much traffic on the way because in the distance we can already see the sign for the diner. We started going here when I just left for a run in the early morning and it started to rain. I honestly didn't know where I was going, but felt like I just had to get out of the house. Being in the same house that I just left my mother with I don't know it just felt empty.
"So are you excited about the umm trip," Lena says pulling into the parking lot.
Hey I wanted you to go
"I know," she says. "Sorry."
"I much rather you go with me," I say. "You know keep me out of trouble."
She smirks at the idea. It was my attempt to lighten the mood, to keep us from going into another one of those arguments about me leaving Gatlin and about her staying behind. I told her many times that she could leave with me, but she just wouldn't. She would resent me if I stayed and went to the local community college, so this trip is all that signified, the time that we had.
The bell rings as we enter the small diner. The waitress immediately smiles and welcomes us back. The fact that she knows us by name is one makes Lena blush. At first we didn't want to make a show, didn't want to attract attention, but when they didn't know who we were, we realized that we had stumbled onto something great.
"Well if it isn't my favorite couple," she says placing some plates in front of some people on the counter. The waitress at Lil Joes' is one of most southern people I know. The way she rolls her 'r' would have driven my mother nuts. She even has a very southern name, 'Billie Jean.'
"You kids have a seat and I be right witcha," she says handing us the menus.
Sitting in the booth, Lena lets out a smile.
"So James Dean," she says. "What's with the sun glasses?"
Smiling I take them off. It was odd but right when I reached the bottom of the Water Tower on the ground was these pair of sunglasses. Looking at them they looked perfectly new, almost as if they were just placed there.
"Found them at the base of the Water Tower," I say handing them to her. She is just about to puts them on and then has to immediately take them off."
Her hand reaches up to my cheek and as she touches me, something strange happens. There is nothing but the warmth of her skin. There was no shock, there was no electrical current through my body. They had gotten worst and worst even when I got back, but as the glasses fall onto the table Billie Jean comes over to our table.
"Hey...you know I had never noticed," she says. "You have some beautiful green eyes...I thought they were...umm, blue..."
My face must have registered utter shock because she looks over to Lena.
"Did I say something," she continues.
"No...um...no," she says clearing her throat. "Can you give us a couple of minutes?"
She nods and as she walks back into the kitchen Lena grabs my hand hard. The sudden desperation in her grips causes me to focus quickly on her and not the pain.
"Can you feel that," she says.
"What?" I say. "The death grip you have on me? Yeah, I can."
She nods her head.
"No," she says. "Not that,...do you feel deep inside of you a small buzzing sound? A bond to everything around you, almost as if..."
"You are one with everything?" I say knowing exactly what she was talking about. "Yeah it was as if walking on the road after, like everything just made sense."
She lets go of my hand and then leans in and kisses me. The way her lips touch mines it is as if she is trying to tell me something deep inside.
L, what was that for?
Ethan, your eyes, for one isn't a normal green, it is a Caster green.
Just then a door opens from behind us and a man walking through the bathroom stalls just casually comes by our table and smiling he tips his hat.
"Here," I say to him. "I think you might have left this..."
Sliding the sun glasses over to him, I smile right back at him. That face, I will never forget, even if he had tried to erase it. The fragments are all there, the broken pieces scattered in my mind, but they are all there.
"Well it seems like I have," he says picking them up. "Mighty nice of you to bring them with you, a welcome delight."
He continues to walk and grabbing Lena's hand I nod no. This is not the time or the place to go after him.
"Wait," she says. "You know him? How..."
"I don't, but I know what I feel," I say looking up and seeing the door bell ring and see a couple come into the diner, the sun glasses on and the golden blonde hair streaked with pink and know immediately who it is. The way she walks over her, I can tell that she has something to say.
"Well lookie who it is," she says looking at us.
"Ridley," Lena starts. "Now is not the time..."
"Looking at boyfriend's eyes, now is the perfect time," she says. This catches Lena's attention and when we both look up to Ridley we do not see the Ridley, dark caster with the gold eyes, but Ridley, light caster with the same green color eyes. "Seem like we have something in common cuz, we both want to know what the hell is going on, but I think boyfriend here does..."
The sudden pain in my head is enough to know that whatever is going on has to do with the guy that just left the diner. A flash in my mind and I see a small black box...
"A small black box," I blurt out. "Something that was...lost...or taken...ummm...Larry?"
"Dude how could you know about that...are you using that freaky thing you and Lena do, when you read each other's mind?" Link says. "Are you doing it now? Wait...let me explain about what you are seeing..."
Leave it to Link to be, well Link. He sits down next in front of me with Ridley. The way she looks at me as if it is somehow my fault, that what she is going through, from gold to green is something that I caused, is enough to cause me to want to be away. How did they find us, I never talked to Link about this place, so it leaves Lena. I hear the noise of the streets, see dirty buildings and realize that everything is happening too fast. Where there was a dull pain has now become a very sharp one that is now so apparent that I have to close my eyes to try and shield it.
Ethan?
I can feel the whole room start to blur and know that what is going to happen isn't going to be pretty. Passing out is the last thing that I want, but probably this could explain what is going on, a cast or at least at the very end a bad dream, no more like a nightmare. The blood rushing from my head, causing everything to go cold, everything to tingle.
"Ethan," I hear again.
Closing my eyes, I can feel her hand on mine, and it is there that I realize that this isn't the first time that I have held it, or the second or the third, it has been hundreds of times that I have held this hand and felt the warmth from it. The lips that should feel foreign, feels so familiar.
"I am okay," I say opening my eyes again. "Just need some air..."
I slide out from the booth and begin to move towards the door. I can hear her calling to me in my mind. She follows me outside, and just as I am about to reach the car, she stops me.
"Okay," she says. "You want to tell me what the hell is going on?"
It is a great question. I try to pinch myself and find that the sudden pain doesn't wake me up. All I keep getting is flashes of places and things and people that I have no idea what or when it happened. Confusing it feels like a have lived some other person's life.
"Lena," I say. "What happened yesterday?"
She turns back and I can see Ridley and Link coming out of the diner. It is the same look that they gave me when they saw my father lose it.
"Yesterday?" she says confused. "What..."
"Please," I say reaching out and grabbing her hands. They feel so warm, they feel so right, I don't know but it seems like we are both asleep and I am the only one who knows that we are.
"Yesterday, we saw that old Willy Wonka movie on your sofa," she says. "What's wrong?"
She is right that was what happened, but not yesterday. It is as if everything that just happened, didn't, or at least it didn't happen to them.
"I don't know," I say struggling. "Everything is so jumbled up, in pieces. Don't you remember New York, the Lunae Libri,"
The flash of the ceiling breaking, the cold water rushing in, what is going on? It is unnerving, to see life through little pieces, or is it just my memory?
"Perhaps…" I hear a voice say. It is the familiar voice; the sound sends shivers down my spine. "I can be of assistance."
Standing a couple of feet between Lena and Ridley stands the man in a black suit. His dark sunglasses and his black slick back hair is a face that I cannot place but know that I have seen, know that I have dealt with.
"Thank you again," he says. "For the glasses, you always were a stickler for the smallest of details."