I stared out of the window, which was foggy because of my warm breath.
I'd been sent upstairs into Esme and Carslile's room as soon as there was word Jacob was coming back. A quick hug from Dad, then straight up here.
I watched the circling figures of Mum and Jake; Jacob defensive, Mum prowling.
I reached up with slippery fingers and undid the catch; the window swung open and a cool blast of air rushed in. I shivered, though I was now in a clean pair of pajamas and Esme's warm pink dressing gown.
" ... YOU THINK THIS IS EASY FOR ME?" Mum screamed from down below. I shuddered; I hated seeing them argue. A tiny tiny part of me seemed to understand what Mum was saying, and why she was angry ... and an even tinier part of me wanted him to be punnished.
But overall this was a nightmare. Jacob wasn't really in the wrong. But Mum just didn't stop and listen.
" ... I WANT YOU OUT OF HER LIFE DO YOU HEAR ME? ITS NOT FAIR ON HER."
My stomach flipped. No. Not my Jaocb. Not my angel ...
"BELLA I CAN'T DO THAT!" Jacob shouted, his voice cracking. I pulled away from the window, feeling sick. I couldn't stop seeing Jacob; how was I going to cope? I flopped down on the soft carpet, staring up at the rich cream ceiling. In a movie a person would just be thinking around now;I guess I have a lot to think about.
Like Mia. Is she ok? Will she be? Even if I hate her at the moment, I love her too. Too much for her to die. I need a way to save her.
And Esme. She got through jumping. Could I?
And my angel, who was currently yelling at Mum, I could hear him. Couldn't everyone just get along?
For me?
No. As usual, I seem at the bottom of everyones minds, all this stress and worries piled on top of me, crushing down like bricks. Sooner or later i was going to break. If no one saved me. Which I dont expect they will.
"DON'T REMIND ME!" Mum screamed from outside. I got up and ran to the window again.
"... I FORGAVE YOU FOR THAT BELLA. WHY WON'T YOU FORGIVE ME FOR THIS?" Jacob yelled. His topless figure was standing defensivley, about a foot away from Mum, who was waving her arms around dramatically in anger.
"I'M SORRY JACOB, WHAT WAS THAT?" Mum bellowed sarcastically. "I CHOSE MY LOVE OVER YOU. IT TURNED OUT FOR THE BEST..."
What are they on about?
"I LOVED YOU BELLA," Jacob yelled. "I LOVED YOU AND YOU BROKE MY HEART. OVER. AND OVER. AND OVER AGAIN."
WHAT?
Mum?
Jacob?
Love?
"I KNOW YOU LOVED ME JACOB." Mum yelled. "I know ..."
With numb fingers, I closed the window.
I didn't want to hear anymore.
Its been 2 days. Since I found out.
Jacob doesn't love me at all.
He loves my MUM.
I'm just some stupid second choice.
I can't be strong anymore.
Not for Mia, not anyone.
I wish I'd jumped sooner.
I wish Esme had never been there.
I wish I was still lying at the bottom of the ocean.
Drowning caused me less pain that what I'm feeling right now.