Wednesday night, I sat at the kitchen table, finishing my homework. The end of my senior year was looming, and with it came a few larger research projects and papers. Normally, I would have no problem with the work, but I was having trouble concentrating. Occasionally, I glanced at the empty chair across from me and sighed heavily.
To say I was frustrated would be minimizing what I really felt.
Interaction with Edward had gone back to awkward. I had tried to approach him several times at school on Monday, but he always seemed to disappear before I could reach his side. The sun had taunted me for the last two days, keeping both Edward and Alice from school.
Even worse than the Edward situation was the Jacob situation.
My boyfriend seemed to be avoiding me since we our beach date on Saturday. He had stopped by on Monday, but left after only a few minutes. Jacob had seemed frustrated, but every time I asked him what was wrong, he scowled and became more perturbed. He also avoided the question every time. I started to get upset too, and this made Jacob even more angry. I was close to tears by the time Jacob left, pulling at his hair and swearing. He didn't even give me a kiss goodbye. I was left wondering what was going on.
Since then, every time I called, he was with Sam. I didn't know if they were angry with me for spending the entire afternoon with the Cullens or if there was something more grim brewing, but one thing was clear.
Something was not right, and it scared me.
I had a sneaking suspicion that it involved the imprinting of Collin on Charity. I had never seen Sam so rattled, and even Jacob looked blown away when the young man had forever tied himself to the pretty 17-year old girl. I didn't understand the concern, especially when everyone had seemed fairly excited for Quil when he imprinted on a mere child. But then, I wasn't a wolf…and I wasn't an imprint.
In the deepest recesses of my mind, I feared the worst. I worried that, during the last few days when he had been distant, Jacob had finally imprinted with someone else. The fear was always there that I would be shoved out of his mind and heart in an instant of fate. I tried to convince myself that I was being silly, but I just couldn't find another possible reason for the sudden distance. After all, he hadn't been so aloof with me since the first days after he phased and Sam had enacted a gag order.
All of this had weighed heavier and heavier on my mind during the last few days, more weight piling on with every unanswered phone call. I was having trouble sleeping, staying awake and gazing blankly at the alarm clock, listening for the sound of Jacob at my window. He never came.
Studying was becoming even harder than sleeping. After staring at the same sentence in my textbook for five minutes without it registering in my brain, I finally pushed the notebooks away angrily. I glanced at the clock.
8:15 p.m.
Jacob should be home.
I walked into the living room where Charlie sat, watching television. He rolled his eyes as I reached for my cell phone, charging on the end table. I couldn't resist sticking my tongue out at him, wishing he and Billy would mind their own business when it came to me and Jacob. I had a feeling they had been gossiping like two women the last few days.
I took the phone up to my room for some privacy, should he actually answer. My fingers flew over the buttons on the phone, and I prayed someone would pick up.
Ring.
I licked my lips nervously.
Ring.
My eyes squeezed shut in anticipation of someone answering.
Ring.
My palms began to sweat.
Ring.
After a few more moments, I knew that no one was going to pick up. I threw the phone on my bed in frustration and flopped down on my comforter, covering my eyes. I felt completely cut off from Jacob, from my family in La Push. There was no one I could talk to…
"Emily!" I blurted aloud, sitting up suddenly, my eyes wide.
Of course! Why hadn't I thought to call her before now? Eagerly, I grabbed my phone, fumbling with it in my excitement. I found Sam's number in my contacts and said a little prayer as I pressed to call. The phone barely rang when Emily's voice broke through.
"Hello?"
"Emily!" My voice couldn't hide my immense relief at actual contact with my La Push family.
Emily's voice, however, sounded immediately nervous. "Bella? Oh, hey…uh, what's going on? I didn't expect you to call."
I paused, my heart sinking. I could hear her hesitation and feared that I had reached another dead end.
"Emily?" I tried again, sounding sad. "Please…I need to know what's going on."
A heavy sigh came from her end of the line, so I tried again.
"I'm going crazy over here," I begged quietly. "I just need some answers…"
Emily's perturbed tone surprised me. "I told Sam this would happen…" she muttered, more to herself than to me.
My palms immediately grew sweaty and I fought back the panic. "Emily, please!"
Suddenly, Emily sounded clear and sure. "Bella, you deserve to know what's going on. Sam thinks that because you're not an imprint, that you aren't supposed to be privy to all of the pack secrets…" She paused while my heart plummeted at the word "secrets."
"Please," I whispered, pleading.
"Sam may be my fiancé, but he isn't my Alpha," Emily said firmly. "I won't let them keep you in the dark." Momentary relief flooded me before I prepared myself for what she was about to tell me. "Bella, the pack has been meeting for the last few days with some of the tribal leadership. They've also been meeting with me and Kim and Charity. It's taking up a lot of their time, and Sam's ordered everyone not to discuss it with outsiders."
I exhaled, comforted, even though I felt a slight pang that I was included as an "outsider." "So Jacob didn't imprint with anyone? He's still…I mean…we're still…" My voice trailed off as my breath began to hitch.
"Oh, Bella," Emily said sympathetically. "Jacob hasn't imprinted. He loves you so much. Only you."
I heard her words and it was like a weight lifted. The floodgates opened without warning, and months' worth of worry poured out.
"But…I feel the same way, but it feels like there's this weight over our heads." I sobbed openly.
"Shh…Bella," Emily tried to soothe me over the line.
"Are we insane? Why are we setting ourselves up for so much pain?" I asked the question, even though I already knew the answer. "Why are we allowing ourselves to get so close to one another, if it could all just end because of a twist of fate? Some random girl could come in and take away everything I love?"
Emily was silent as I cried, and it took me a moment to realize why. When I did, I was immediately stricken. Emily had been that random girl. Sam's twist of fate had resulted in Leah's broken heart and Emily's gain.
I sniffled and tried to compose myself. "Oh…oh Emily, I didn't mean…"
"No, it's okay, Bella," Emily spoke softly. "I think I understand the situation more than you could even realize. I have to live with the fact that I was the reason my cousin lost everything. And I have to look into Sam's eyes and see the pain that lives behind the love for me." Her voice steeled. "But that doesn't mean the same thing will happen to you."
"I just miss him so much," I told her. "Whatever's going on, I want to try to work it out with him as best we can."
"If it helps, I know that Jacob wants to see you. He hates that all of this is driving a wedge between you…" She began muttering on the other end, and all I caught was "silly," "Sam" and "order."
"It's okay," I said. "Just knowing that Jacob wasn't staying away because he wanted to…that's all I wanted to hear. It's been…difficult being kept in the dark. You guys are all important to me, and I hate feeling shut out. I'm glad you were home, Emily."
"Don't worry, Bella," she said, just before we said our goodbyes. "I'm going to make this right."
***
It was nearly eleven before I got into bed. Slightly reassured by the phone call from Emily, I caught up on my homework while I was able to concentrate and then took a long, warm shower. Still wide awake, I devoured a few chapters of "Emma" before finally turning out my light. I tried not to think about Jacob and what he might be doing, since it would only frustrate me.
A muffled sound woke me. It felt like I had just drifted off, but when I glanced at my alarm clock, it was nearly one in the morning. I threw my legs over the side of the bed and made my way sleepily to the window, almost out of habit. All drowsiness fell away when I saw Jacob standing in my yard, looking up at my room. His face lit up when he saw me in the window.
As quickly but quietly as possible, I threw my window open and stood back so he could scramble up. I barely waited for him to be securely in the room before I threw myself at him, wrapping myself around him tightly, reveling in the warmth of his skin, the smell of his hair, the soothing rumble of his voice. It was like I was experiencing him for the first time all over again. The pores of my skin drank in his very essence.
He held me back just as intensely, whispering "Bella…oh, God…Bella."
I wanted to kiss him, touch him, but I didn't want to pull away from the embrace because that would again put distance between us, even if it were mere inches. Instead, I just hissed frantic, hushed words to him.
"Don't ever stay away from me like that again," I said fiercely, my fingertips raking across his strong shoulders and my legs tightening even more around his waist. "I can't take it when you're not here."
His arms tightened as well, as if he were trying to meld us together into one body. "Never," he promised. "Never again, I swear. I had no choice."
"Sam?"
"Yeah," he said softly. "Emily got him to lift the edict he placed on the rest of us."
We finally broke apart to meet each other's gaze for the first time. Jacob's eyes were shining as he looked at me, and I was struck by the love and excitement I saw there. He seemed to hold the gaze longer than usual, looking at me with intensity and studying every detail of my face. I was less patient and moved in. Closing the little distance between our lips, we met in the middle. I sighed in relief as his soft lips covered mine. It was like being home again.
It took us several more minutes of gasping breaths and quiet murmurs to cease the kisses and embraces. Never putting me down, Jacob carried me over to my bed and sat on the edge, with me still on his lap. My mind was awhirl with excitement and desire, but I had to calm myself so I could hear what Jacob had to say. I was intensely curious about what had been going on in La Push. I was angry with Sam, but that would have to wait.
Jacob kept looking at me meaningfully, as though he were looking for something or expecting me to say or do something. After a moment, his eyes lost a fraction of their luminescence and he sighed.
I couldn't stand the suspense anymore and blurted, "You have to tell me what's going on!"
"So, something's happened," Jacob began, tentatively. "And before I tell you what it is, I want to make sure you don't get your hopes up or you don't get overly worried, because a lot of this is still unknown."
My eyes widened and I felt a thrill of fear and nervousness. This WAS big. "I can't promise that because I don't know what it is…but I'll try not to overreact." My hands, which had settled on his biceps, gave a small squeeze as if to say, "continue."
He offered a small smile. "Well, you know that Collin imprinted when we were at the beach on Saturday?"
"Uh-huh," I nodded, "On Charity." My mind replayed the moment I saw the young man's expression as he regarded his imprint, as if she were a priceless work of art or the most glorious sunset. That immediate adoration was something to be coveted. I was more jealous than I could even admit to myself.
"Well, his imprinting changed a few things about what we understand about the whole impulse. Actually, we're understanding less and less as time goes on."
My brow furrowed, puzzled.
Jacob continued. "That moment on the beach was not the first time Collin had seen Charity since he phased." He paused, letting the realization of his words sink in. I gave a strangled gasp, my hand flying up to my head.
"Holy crow!"
Jacob chuckled and went on. "He first phased nearly two months ago, but he sees Charity all the time — as recently as two weeks ago, in fact. She might be my sister's friend, but she's also a good friend of Collin's older sister."
My voice was shaking. "So...that means...?"
"We think it means that we can imprint on someone at any time...not just the first time after we've phased. But we're not sure how or why it was so different for Collin. But however it happened, it was good timing. Charity had just been dumped by her boyfriend, so she's much more receptive to the imprint than we expected. I think the idea of 'lifetime commitment' appeals to her after having her heart broken."
"Yeah, I can see the appeal in that kind of devotion," I murmured quietly, almost to myself. My mind was whirling, and hope bubbled up in me as I contemplated the news.
Jacob eyed me cautiously. "What are you thinking, Bells?"
A smile spread across my face and I couldn't contain the excitement in my voice. "I'm thinking that I have to know everything! What made the moment at the beach so different from those other times? What was the significance? Why that moment?" As I asked the questions, I also rejoiced inside and wondered what I might be able to do to influence Jacob's imprinting impulse my way. There was still a chance that I could imprint with Jake!
And as that thought kept a wide smile on my face, another, more ominous idea bubbled up in my mind and immediately wiped the smile away.
Now, instead of worrying about Jacob meeting a new girl he could imprint on, I had to worry about every girl…even the ones he already knew.
Jacob saw my warring emotions in my expression and placed a hand on the side of my face, his thumb stroking my cheek.
"We don't know what the driving force was," he explained. "We've talked to everyone — the tribal elders, the pack members who have imprinted, the women they've imprinted on — and all we can really agree on is that there are a lot more unknowns than we thought at first."
My eyes dropped as I contemplated all that this might mean for Jacob and me. I was angry that the ever-present uncertainty still hung over our relationship, but I couldn't deny the hope that flickered in my heart.
Jacob offered a solution before I had even finished my internal debate.
"But you can be sure of one thing," Jacob said intensely, "I'm not letting you out of my sight any more than I can help it. I'm going to stare at you every moment of every day if I can, because we never know when the moment might be right. Bella, I'm going to study every hair on your head and every freckle on your skin."
I blushed at his passion and looked down.
His strong hand pushed my chin back up until we were practically nose-to-nose, and I noticed his eyes glistening with moisture. "Don't look away from me any more, Bella. I couldn't stand it if we looked away for a moment and that was the second when I could have imprinted with you."
"Jake…"
"I love you," he declared firmly, his eyes releasing a single tear that shone bright against his dusky skin on its journey down his cheek. "And I've already decided that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I just need fate to agree."
My voice was weaker this time, overwhelmed. "Oh, Jake…" I trembled as I fisted my hands in his soft hair and pressed my nose against his. We eased back on my bed, never breaking eye contact for a moment, afraid to look away even to see where we were laying. We settled on our sides, my hands cradling his head and his arms around my waist. Our irises and pupils darted in small movements as we consumed each other with our eyes, taking in the small details that we may have taken for granted on any other day. Looking. Searching for something that we didn't yet understand.
Jacob had two very small, dark brown beauty spots near his temple that I had never noticed before. He had a miniscule scar on his chin, just below and to the right of his full lip. His lower lashes were nearly as thick as his beautiful upper ones. He had shaved recently, and missed three hairs on the gentle groove between his nose and upper lip. His dark brown eyes had flecks of lighter mocha.
"How did you get that scar near the side of your mouth?" his question broke the silence.
"Gym class accident in the third grade," I said softly. "How did you get that scar on your chin?"
"Chicken pox," he replied, looking up past my eyes at my hairline. "I never realized how beautiful your widow's peak is…it makes your face look like a heart."
"You have a few freckles," I observed, touching his beauty spots gently with my fingers.
"Your lips are perfect," he whispered. "I want to kiss them."
"Why don't you?" I whispered back.
"I don't want to close my eyes and miss a second of seeing you."
"I'm right here, Jake. I'm not going anywhere."
Our lips touched tenderly, and our eyes remained open the entire time.
***
Several hours later, the first hints of sun peeked into my window. I knew that I would have a hard time at school because I hadn't slept, but I didn't care. All I cared about was that Charlie would be awake soon, and that meant that Jacob had to leave. The very thought of him leaving my sight terrified me in a way I couldn't explain.
Jacob seemed resigned to the fact that we would have to part. When the birds started chirping louder in the early morning light, he sighed deeply, letting his sweet breath wash over me, and sat up slowly. I mimicked his movements, moving so our faces were mere inches apart. His eyes broke from my gaze for the first time in hours, to look out the window at the traitorous sun. Without a word, he stood to make his way to the window.
"Jacob," I pleaded, grabbing his hand and holding it tightly in panic. "I can't…"
Quickly, he moved to gather me into his arms, his warmth soothing me. "Shh…it's okay, Bells." My body began to shake against him. "I'll be around so much, you're going to get sick of me."
"Impossible!" I managed to squeak out between hiccups.
"Besides, I plan to keep my eyes closed any time a female comes within ten feet of me, I promise." His impossible pledge made me smile despite my worry. "In the meantime, we both owe Emily a huge thank-you for getting Sam to lift the gag order."
"Why would he make you keep this from me?" I asked, feeling hurt. "Doesn't he understand…"
"No, he doesn't," Jacob said gently. "He can see into my mind, but he can't see into my heart. He forgets how it was for him and Leah, how it can be even without the power of the imprint. I think he minimizes our relationship sometimes because of that."
"But Emily…"
"Emily understands more than he ever could. It's just her nature, I think," Jacob shrugged. "She's a great ally for us." He paused for a moment. "But there's another reason he didn't want you to know."
I knew where he was going and my mouth set in a grim line.
"The Cullens," Jacob said simply. "Now, I understand your relationship to the Cullens, but most of the pack can't and won't. We may have a treaty, and we may be sometime-allies, but to most of the guys, they're still just filthy bloodsuckers."
I sucked in a deep breath, feeling as though I had been punched in the stomach.
"Sam thought that it was dangerous to let you know, because you might tell them." I began to retort, but Jacob stopped me with a gentle squeeze. "Let me explain his rationale. He thought that if word got out that we were so unclear on this one, single aspect of our makeup, that it might make us seem weaker in other areas. If we're not sure about this one thing, what other parts of our existence are iffy?"
"But that's just…"
"Silly…I know," he finished for me. "Emily told him that…hell, the elders told him that!"
"The elders? This…you and me…it was discussed with the tribal leadership?" My face burned.
He smiled and moved to stroke my now-red cheeks with his thumb. "For the record, they're totally rooting for us, Bella."
A muffled sound from the hall let us know that Charlie was awake. Stricken with the realization that we were about to be parted, I clung to Jacob for one more precious second as we stared at one another. He choked, "I love you," and then he was gone, with a slight rustling of the curtains next to my open window as the only sign of his exit.
***
Author's Note: I just wanted to remind everyone again that nominations for the Indie TwiFic Awards open in one week, on January 18. Like Night and Day fits in perfectly with these awards and many of the categories this year: "Best New Moon story" and "WIP Canon or AU Story that Knocks You off your Feet." If you feel that this story is worthy, please consider nominating me! If you do, please message me to let me know, so I know whom to thank.
Your reviews make me grin from ear to ear, and I thank you for them! In your reviews for this chapter, please let me know who your favorite "background" character in this story is. I know I adore my Jacob, and I like that my Bella has a backbone, but I want to know who else you like!