Ch. 25
A few weeks passed since their argument and misunderstanding regarding Natalya. The situation was never fully resolved, but instead they merely agreed to disagree and not bring up the sore subject again. Anya also made many sincere efforts to reassure Olivia of her place in her life. Even through Anya's assurances, Olivia couldn't let her suspicions go for superficial reasons. She was reluctant about giving too much of herself to Anya anymore after their encounter with Natalya. She was certain that they had shared some serious history and was far from convinced that it was over between the two dancers.
Despite her suspicions, she didn't stop seeing her. Anya still possessed quite a chunk of Olivia's heart as much as she hated to admit it. She loved spending time with her; getting away from the precinct and the normal routine she had fallen into. Anya was always in a good mood, was always ready to experience new things, and genuinely loved sharing them with Olivia. She made her feel special and almost always made herself available when Olivia had the time to get together. She also loved going home with her at night rather than spending every night alone in her apartment or at the precinct, but appreciated the fact that spending the night with Anya was not an expectation. The evenings they did spend together were electric and it was something Olivia did not want to lose.
The two women sat side by side in a near-empty subway car, making the trip uptown to Olivia's apartment after seeing a late-night movie. The clicking-clacking rails shifted back and forth methodically, acting like a hammock for the two very tired and exhausted women. "What time it is?" Anya yawned, dropping her head to Olivia's shoulder, and wrapping her arms around her waist.
"Around 11," Olivia said, checking her watch and yawning. "Stop yawning; it's contagious."
Anya closed her eyes and snuggled into Olivia's chest to get comfortable enough to try and take a nap on their way back to Olivia's apartment several stops away. "I shouldn't be so tired. I must be getting old." She sighed.
"What are you talking about? You're not old." Olivia had to laugh. She certainly didn't consider herself to be old and they were around the same age.
"Most dancers my age are pushing retirement, Olivia."
"Must be nice. NYPD won't let me retire until I'm being fitted for a coffin." She said with a smirk to herself.
Anya laughed. "You wouldn't retire even if they offered it to you tomorrow and you know it." Olivia nodded with a smile, knowing she was right. "Besides, the end of performing doesn't mean that I get a free ride for the rest of my life. I'll have to teach more or attend seminars, travel as a choreographer maybe. Who knows, really? It will be a whole new career to get used to."
"Is that the reason why Natalya left ABT?" Olivia asked, not knowing why, but at the very least knowing that she was older than Anya.
Anya smiled, knowing Olivia was not the type to let things go without full disclosure. She gave up on resisting Olivia's inquisition. She knew the woman was a detective that she had to get to the bottom of everything, no matter what it was and even if the subject was approached indirectly. "That was part of it, yes." She picked her head up from Olivia's shoulder and looked to the detective. "But she could have taught with ABT instead of going to the City Ballet. She chose to leave the company because of me." Anya stated honestly. She sat back against the subway seat, and ran her fingers through her long hair then tossed it over her shoulder. "We were together for a very long time, Olivia." She admitted.
"How long?" Olivia asked carefully, but as soon as she asked, she didn't want to know.
Anya took a deep breath and looked forward, away from the eyes she could lose herself in. "Twelve years. But I've known her since I was six or seven."
Olivia couldn't think of anything to say. She really wished she hadn't asked. Anya was clearly not over the relationship and Olivia felt she could in no way compete with that kind of history, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to try. She wondered if they should continue to see each other at all, but knew that Anya hadn't really done anything wrong to deserve such abandonment. She felt sorry for Anya and saw that she was more than just her lover, but a damaged casualty of loss, out there searching for what she knew she would never find again, but also knowing that the past was exactly that: the past.
"I don't really want to talk about it, if that's okay. I understand that you might have a right to know about my history with Natalya, but we've had such a nice night and I don't want it to go south like it did a few weeks ago." Anya took Olivia's hand. "I'm with you right now, Olivia, and I want to be with you." She kissed her hand, then each one of Olivia's fingers.
At the next subway stop, the remaining people on their subway car left, leaving the two alone. Anya angled herself to face Olivia, who was leaned back against the subway wall. Noticing that they were alone and thinking that Anya could use some comforting, Olivia extending her arms out for Anya to embrace her.
Anya leaned against Olivia, who accepted Anya's lips when she went to kiss her. Anya pulled her closer and opened then re-closed her lips around Olivia's, trying to convince her that she was the only one that she wanted right now. Damn, she's good. Olivia thought, losing herself in Anya's kiss. She knows what button to push, and when to push it.
Anya's fingers combed insistently through Olivia's short hair, twirling around the ends. She pressed herself against Olivia, pushing her to a slouch in the seat. Olivia held Anya with her full lips upon her more thin and defined ones until the dancer forced her tongue between Olivia's teeth, enticing Olivia to prolong their contact. Anya's hand left Olivia's hair and traced down to her arm, gripping it gently to balance herself. Even though no one was in their subway car, the possibility of someone walking in on them kissing was slightly exhilarating to the usually conservative detective. She ran her hands across Anya's back, up through her hair and down again, holding her tight and delighting in their kisses and the feeling of Anya holding onto her arm.
The subway engineer called over the speaker that the next stop would be Spring Street. Anya had her upper body completely covering Olivia's, kissing and touching her passionately. Olivia was feeling especially bold and perhaps even a little lonely, wanting to believe that Anya wanted to be with her, so she didn't stop her when the subway came to a halt and the doors opened, allowing new customers to enter. What Olivia didn't expect was for someone she knew to have entered her subway car to see her hands and mouth all over another woman.
A couple entered the subway car, both tipsy from being out at a bar in Soho all evening. The man wore a casual gray suit and his tie was loose from the woman's flirtatious hands. The woman wore a slinky red top with a strategically placed teardrop incision. She also wore pressed black pants, accented by a silver chain link belt that her fingers toyed with playfully. As they laughed and snickered at one another upon entering the subway car, the man's eyes never left the exposure of skin at the woman's cleavage until he spotted the two other beautiful women kissing and pawing hastily at one another at the end of the car.
"Niiiice!" He slurred under his breath, too drunk to hold back his reaction and stopping dead in his tracks, looking at Olivia and Anya. After the familiar bell chimed, warning customers to clear the way, the subway doors closed.
"Oh!" The woman gasped, realizing what he was watching. She smacked him lightheartedly on the arm. "Leave them alone, David." She said, tugging him to the other end of the subway car. He resisted, but followed her while keeping his eyes wide and watching the women, capturing every detail into his memory.
I think I know that voice. Olivia thought to herself, a little paranoid, but still entranced by Anya's kiss. New York is a big city, she told herself to excuse the thought, it couldn't be her. She completely forgot about her speculation as she lost herself in the feeling of her lover's hands roaming up underneath the front of her shirt, which elicited a soft moan out of her mouth.
"Cut it out!" Olivia heard the woman whisper to her date with a laugh.
Olivia opened her eyes slightly and looked over Anya's shoulder in the hopes of squashing her assumption of who had come onto their train. Instead, she saw exactly who she thought it was. Alex. The Assistant District Attorney was standing in the center of her train trying to distract her date from the two lesbians making out in the corner. Fuuuck. Before Olivia could comprehend the weight of this disaster and panic or try to hide behind Anya from her co-worker, Alex caught her eye and immediately recognized the familiar dark eyes.
Olivia shrieked Alex's name, jolting under Anya's body, pushing her off of her, straightening her shirt, and quickly covering her mouth with the back of her hand, turning away to try and find a rock to hide under. Unable to hide her own reaction, Alex's eyes widened in shock, and she stood paralyzed, holding onto one of the subway poles. I'm not that drunk, am I? Am I really looking at who I think I'm looking at? My God, I never would have expected… Of all people!
Anya sat back a little, baffled. "Who is Alex, Olivia?" Her sharp accent cut through the tension in the air. She ran her fingers through her hair to try and straighten it out.
Oh great, Anya. Thanks a lot. There it is. My name. Out there confirming everything. Breathe, Olivia. Just breathe. So she caught me with another woman. Big deal, right? Oh Jesus Christ in Heaven there's no escaping this. My hands were all over her like a teenager – shit! She cursed herself.
"Hold on a minute." David said, looking at Alex then to the other women in the subway. "You know them?" He asked Alex, taken aback.
"Get a grip, will you?" Alex glared at him and walked over to Olivia and grabbed a subway pole across from Olivia to steady herself in the moving train. She didn't get too close to Olivia though; she knew she had already invaded quite enough of the detective's private life and could see that Olivia was overwhelmingly distraught about it. "I'm sorry, Liv. We didn't mean to, uh, well…" Alex, for once, was lost for words. "I think we'll just go to the next car."
"God, I'm so embarrassed." Olivia said quietly, almost to herself and keeping her eyes down and away from Alex.
"Don't be embarrassed." Alex reassured her, taking another step closer, but then backing up again, remembering to give Olivia some space.
"Why should you be embarrassed, Olivia? Who is this woman?" Anya asked, frankly and with furrowed eyebrows, pointing to Alex.
Olivia was hoping that Alex would just leave the subway car without introductions so that they could just show up for the Grand Jury hearing tomorrow as if nothing happened, but she knew that wasn't a realistic hope now that Anya had involved herself. "Anya, this is Alex." Olivia said, gesturing towards the tall blonde. Who looks damn good in that red shirt I might add, Olivia thought, looking away from the open slit in Alex's shirt. "Alex…" She offered an open hand to the woman beside her. "Anya."
"Ohhhh, Alex." Anya said, a light bulb going off in her head. She extended her hand grandly for Alex to accept. "It's a pleasure to meet you. I've heard so much about you." The words were simple enough, but Anya had laced them with such a biting sarcasm and Alex picked up on it instantly and was properly offended.
"I'm sure you have." Alex said, dropping Anya's hand and crossing her arms over her chest, straightening her back. She turned her attention to Olivia with an icy glare.
Olivia couldn't do anything but sink deeper into the subway seat, touching her fingers to her brow to hide from Alex. This was only getting worse and with Anya's big mouth, she knew it wouldn't be the last smart remark she made if she didn't seize control of the situation.
"Well, Detective Benson. I didn't know that you had such a distaste for me." Alex was hurt, but didn't let on other than to express her disapproval. She maintained her stoic persona even while slightly intoxicated, but she certainly wasn't going to let Olivia get away without learning what Anya had meant by her statement.
"I don't, Alex." Olivia said, in an effort to try and save herself. "I don't hate you at all." Olivia nervously fidgeted with the sleeves of her shirt. "You just…took some time to get used to. I think you do a great job. Really."
Alex wasn't convinced. Her date now came to her side, holding onto her waist. David sat down opposite of Anya and Olivia, pulling Alex backwards to sit down as well. Alex reluctantly sat beside him and he put his arm around her, but she kept her arms crossed in front of her and her eyes fixated on Olivia. "I'm learning more than my fair share about you tonight, aren't I?" She remarked with a laugh, attempting to ease both of their minds, which didn't help at all.
Olivia rolled her eyes before giving a spiteful glare to Anya, who still didn't understand what the big deal was. There was no way to dig herself out of this hole. Someone, other than her, needed to say something. Quickly.
"Well." Alex sighed, folding her hands into her lap. "This is awkward." She said stating the obvious.