Chapter Twenty-Five

Am I a fool to hope?

That was the question running around in Thor's mind. He told Steve it was never foolish to hope, but he wasn't sure he was ready to believe that himself. Could he afford to believe again?

He had so many questions for Loki, most of them painful, others just to help him understand and clear up his confusion. He had no idea if he was ever going to receive any answers. In the years since their family fell apart, Thor only ever got answers through angry words or broken whispers. But those were only just fragments of the whole truth, tossed at him in the middle of bloody fights. It's been a while since he last hoped there was a chance to talk... just talk.

He did not even know whether he would be too angry to just talk. Because he was very angry. Angry and betrayed, and wondering if he mourned for nothing but a lie again. No, he did know the answer to that last one, since Loki was alive and well, right in front of him. He watched his brother fade away not even a day after their Mother was taken from them, and it torn his already battered heart apart. A lie... just another wretched lie.

Twice now... twice now he was forced to watch... twice now it was a lie... he was more than angry. He could see the sky through the great windows of the conference room, saw it darken with storm clouds to match his mood. He knew thunder would come soon enough.

'That's a stupid plan,' Steve said.

'Your plan is not any better,' Loki shot back.

'Both of your plans is shit,' Natasha interrupted, again.

'This is not helping us anywhere,' Thor said before they could go over the same song and dance once more.

'God, thank you,' Wanda sighed in relief.

'Is it even possible to construct a plan if we don't know where she is?' Vision asked.

Bruce was the only one who left, he wanted to check up on Tony, see how he was doing. Thor also believed that the good doctor could not stand to remain in the same room as Loki and her sharp tongue any longer, unless he let the Hulk take over his seat.

'It takes very little intelligence to understand why it would be catastrophic if anyone vulnerable to Amora would accompany me beyond a certain point,' Loki said.

'How does it even work?' Pietro asked. 'The love spell stuff?'

'Who are you and why are you talking to me?' Loki asked.

'Rude, and it's a simple question,' Pietro said with a frown. 'Does she need to touch a guy or something?'

'Eye-contact,' Barnes supplied helpfully.

'Okay, so she won't be able to touch me or look at me, so it's okay,' Pietro said with an easy confidence.

'And why is that?' Loki asked.

'Because I'm too fast,' Pietro said slowly, he probably forgot already that Loki knew nothing about him.

'Amora is Asgardian,' Loki sighed. 'Humans are not-'

'I'm too fast,' Pietro repeated, leaning on the table next Loki's chair now. He crossed the room quicker than a blink. Then he was back in his seat next to Wanda on the other side of the table immediately. He spread his arms a little, not saying anything, since he already proved his point.

Loki's eyes were narrowed on the twins again, carefully assessing them both.

'Yeah, I think he's okay to come,' Barnes said after a moment of silence.

'Yes, James, that's been made perfectly clear,' Loki replied, the irritation clear in her voice. Thor noticed Steve smiling at Barnes.

'Why are women immune?' Natasha asked.

'Amora is not attracted to the female form,' Thor said. 'She cannot entice what she does not want.'

'I should be able to approach her without problem as well,' Vision.

'What is this thing again?' Loki asked, turning to Steve out of everyone in the room.

'I am not a thing,' Vision said sternly, but he did not allow the comment to distract him. 'And I wouldn't exactly call myself "male" either, not in the traditional sense of the word.'

'He's synthetic,' Wanda said. 'Pretty immune to magic, it's impressive.'

She knocked the android in the side with her elbow and smiled, just like she always did when she said that.

'Vision's strength is great,' Thor added. 'And he has many other outstanding skills as well.'

'Strong enough to handle Skurge?' Barnes asked. He did not sound dubious, merely curious.

'If he actually puts his mind into a fight for once,' Thor said, teasing a little, but it was true.

Much like Thor himself, Vision was profoundly aware of the fragility of mortals and rarely used his true strength. But unlike Thor, he held back with all flesh and blood beings, he only ever unleashed his full potential when he fought machines. "I am not to be used as a weapon against living things," is what he told Thor when he asked him about it. Thor remembered how powerful Ultron was, so maybe he did not blame their android friend for this aversion. There was no shame in avoiding bloodshed.

'I can protect others from him,' Vision answered diplomatically.

'How can we prepare for anyone else on the list?' Natasha asked.

'We can't really,' Barnes said. 'We've never met most of them. Not sure what they can do.'

'Where do you get your intel then?' Natasha frowned.

Barnes shared a quick look with Loki.

'That's unimportant,' Loki said.

'Does it have something to do with the girl?' Natasha asked right away.

'A girl?' Loki prompted.

'Sara Wolfe told us about her,' Natasha replied.

'Of course she did,' Loki smiled dangerously. 'Forget about her.'

'Really?' Steve spoke up. 'Because I think-'

Loki slammed her hand down on the table, green and gold magic flaring up under her palm for a moment.

'I said forget about her,' Loki repeated, her voice taking on a very dangerous edge. Thor felt himself tense from the spark of magic and power in the air. It was unusual, Thor could not remember ever feeling this sort of power around Loki, not to this extent at least. Something changed, well, something besides the obvious.

'You might not want to push this,' Barnes said, he spoke calmly, but it was a very clear warning.

Loki's anger made Thor wonder. The girl had to be important, there was no doubt about it now. But it was just one more question to add to all the others swirling around in his mind.

'So how are we doing this?' Steve asked.

'Well, you and Thor are obviously not going to be very useful,' Loki answered, and her words did not fail to make Steve clench his jaw in anger. Thor decided to pick his battles wisely, and ignored the comment.

'And if you think even for a second that I'm going to stay behind, then you're out of your mind,' Steve said.

'Steve can stick with me,' Barnes said before Loki could retort. 'We can take down anyone Amora throws at us while staying in a safe distance. Thor can do whatever, I don't really care.'

Thor was not used to being dismissed in such a manner and it sparked some anger in him, but he already observed that Barnes was an endlessly practical man when it came to accomplishing tasks. Amora wanted him, and if she succeeded in weaving her magic around him again, Thor would pose a great danger to everyone. He understood that very well. He would have to stay away from her, but he would not hide like a coward, and he was not going to let his friends fight his battles.

'I will accompany you all,' Thor said and continued quickly before anyone could object. 'I will keep my distance from Amora, rest assured, but I will not hide from her. Amora should learn that she is not as fearsome as she believes.'

Thor never ran from a battle, never, and he won't start now. Amora had no control over him. He feared her power and what she could make him do, but he did not fear her. He was slightly surprised that Loki did not object, but Thor was willing to take any and all small victories in their current situation.

'I could get some extra hands on deck,' Natasha said then. 'I know a few female agents, well ex-agents, who wouldn't mind helping out.'

'Anyone particular?' Steve asked.

'Maria would want to come for sure,' Natasha said. 'I could call Sharon and Bobbi, maybe May, if she's not busy. Ali Morales is back in the States for now, and Tia Senyaka is freelancing, so I bet she's got way too much free time.'

Most of those names meant nothing to Thor, but Steve looked thoughtful.

'I doubt that will be necessary,' Loki said.

'You're saying no to back-up, really?' Wanda asked incredulously. 'The more the better, right?'

'They're just going to get in the way,' Loki answered.

'Highly trained SHIELD specialists... getting in the way,' Natasha repeated. 'You don't believe that... Barnes?'

Barnes gave the question a few moments of consideration.

'I don't think I can trust them not to shoot me in the back,' he said then. 'They were SHIELD, they know who I am. I would be tempted if I were in their place.'

'But you're not worried about me?' Natasha asked in return.

'I don't think you'd betray Steve's trust like that,' Barnes said easily. 'Other agents might not care all that much.'

'That's a no,' Loki said firmly.

'I'd offer to call Sif to aid us...' Thor started.

'No,' Loki said right away, as expected.

'So, just us?' Wanda said. 'What if she has a whole damn army surrounding her?'

'Then I will mow that army down for standing in my way, and step over their corpses,' Loki said, her anger spiked suddenly and she stood up. 'We're done here.'

Steve and Natasha were on their feet right away, and Thor stood up as well.

'But we barely know anything, when exactly are you planning to launch this attack?' Steve asked.

'Loki, if you want to capture Amora once and for all, we need to have a battle strategy, we cannot to be taken by surprise,' Thor told her, hoping against hope that she would listen to reason, no matter how hard it was to expect that from Loki sometimes.

'Your only task is to take down anyone that tries to protect her, Skurge included. Plan as much as you want, I do not care. And if you all do your part, then I will do mine, which is defeating her.'

Thor stood between Loki and the door, so she would have to go past him to leave. Thor wasn't sure whether he should step aside... yet or at all. He knew though that Loki won't wait around for too long before she did something to get him out of the way. He could see it on her face.

'We can't plan more, because we don't know where she is yet,' Barnes added.

There was another moment of tense silence in the room and rain started hitting the windows heavily. Most of the time Thor was able to not let his emotions manifest in such a manner, but with Loki... he just couldn't. He felt the storm brewing the moment Loki first showed up, and it finally arrived, giving away everything he felt. He didn't want her to walk away before Thor got some answers, any answer.

Loki shifted her stance as her face hardened and Thor... didn't want to fight, he just didn't, so he got out of the way. Loki kept looking at him for another moment, then she walked out without a word. Barnes followed.

'Bucky wait,' Steve called after him, and hurried after the two.

'We should monitor them until they're gone,' Vision said.

'I'll do it,' Thor said, picking his hammer up and leaving the conference room as well. Maybe it made his heart ache, but this was still Thor's responsibility, or even his duty, keeping an eye on his sibling.

'James,' Loki said impatiently.

'Ten minutes, it won't kill you,' Barnes said. Loki did not look happy.

'We-'

'Ten minutes,' Barnes repeated. Loki stared at Barnes, glanced over to Steve, but then seemed to give in. Well, she turned and walked away without demanding that Barnes followed her, so that was probably as good as giving in. Thor looked at Steve, but followed Loki. It was clear that Steve wanted to have a word with his friend in private.

'Why are you following me?' Loki asked almost immediately, without looking back at him.

'I like to keep an eye on you,' Thor said.

'You think I'm up to no good?'

Thor did not dignify that with an answer, Loki probably did not expect him to.

Loki did not go far, she stopped at the large floor to ceiling windows at the end of the corridor. The rain was still falling heavily, so water was pouring down on the glass in small rivulets. Thor stopped several feet away.

'You're in a rotten mood,' Loki commented, looking up at the stormy sky.

'I should take you back to Asgard,' Thor said.

'You are welcome to try,' Loki said, glancing back at him. 'I will resist, of course. Want to settle it right now?'

Thor knew he wouldn't do anything, probably Loki did too. Thor wasn't going to attack, not like this. Loki always had to force his hand in the past. So there was just silence between them instead.

'I have a question,' Thor said then.

'Which I won't answer,' Loki snorted.

'Why do you... look like this?' Thor still asked. The question made Loki frown.

'Rogers surely told you more than enough,' she said.

'I did not ask him about you,' Thor shrugged.

'You should have, you are unlikely to get information in any other way,' Loki told him promptly.

Thor sighed. 'Very well.' It was not like he actually expected an answer.

Thunder rang outside and Thor knew the storm won't calm for a while yet, it couldn't be helped. Another flash of lightning illuminated the hallway. Thor saw the reflection of two of them on the glass. The few feet distance might as well had been light-years.

'How easy it would have been,' Loki said absently.

'What?'

'If I'd always looked like this,' she said, tapping her reflection on the glass with a single black nail. 'No one would have compared me to you... there would have been no false promises of a throne I would never get... Hmm, oh how they would have complimented the King and Queen for a daughter so much like her Mother... in magic... and all else... even mischief would have seemed charming to them instead of troublesome.'

She fell silent and Thor was speechless for a very long moment. He was not quite certain of what to say, but he knew he had to be careful with his words, as always with Loki.

'You... wish you had been like this always?' It was a strange thought, but Thor had to ask about it anyway. He didn't think Loki had been unhappy with the shape of his body before the truth about his heritage came out, but maybe Thor just had not known. There was much Thor missed over the years, he knew that now. Did he really miss something enormous as that? She just said that, right?

'Not particularly,' Loki said, and her answer just confused Thor further.

'Then what do you mean?' he asked.

'Just what I said, it would have been easier,' she said with a shrug. 'Don't break your mind over it. It's a stray thought... an observation. Nothing more.'

It had to mean something, Thor was sure of that. But the way Loki stood, tall and rigid, it was not the right time to demand answers. Maybe there won't ever be a right time.

'For what it's worth, it matters not to me what shape you are in,' Thor said, because he wanted to say it. It had to be said.

'I do not care what matters to you,' Loki said coldly. Lightning flashed again outside. Despite the answer, Thor still thought that was not quite true.

'You enjoy it when I'm hurt,' Thor said. 'Especially if I am hurt by you, I know that, and I wish I knew why, but I won't ask. No, I won't, because you will have nothing but poison for me in answer. But I wish I knew why, Loki, I really do. Why you made me think I lost you too, right after we lost Mother...'

'Don't.'

'You didn't think I was in enough pain? You wanted to make sure I suffered more? Or was it just a convenient way to slip away and it didn't matter-'

'Not everything I do is about you!' Loki snapped. 'I told you this before. And I think you've been quite happy here on Midgard with your friends and beloved.'

Thor laughed bitterly. 'If you still do not believe that I mourned you, then you are truly blind.'

'And no, I was not happy,' he continued. 'I just tried to survive... because there was really not much left for me in life besides pain and grief... So if that's what you wanted, I congratulate you. You made me suffer in ways no one else ever could.'

He was a fool to hope. There was nothing to hope for.

He walked away and Loki did not stop him.

x-x-x

Barnes walked past him on the corridor a minute later, giving him a nod. Steve had not left either, so Thor found him where he left him with Barnes not that long ago. He seemed loose-limbed and had a healthy red colour on his cheeks. Hmm.

'So that's how it is, I did wonder,' Thor said to him.

'What do you mean?' Steve asked in return, blinking at him innocently. Well, Thor knew Steve's "innocent" face well enough.

'I am no Natasha Romanoff, but I am observant, my friend,' Thor said. 'Your lips are red and you do not have a bad habit of biting them.'

He did bite them now, a little self-consciously, giving himself away even more. He also rubbed the back of his neck as he looked away. He was bashful maybe, or embarrassed. Thor was not used to seeing him like this. It was amusing no matter Thor's dark mood.

'I did not mean to make you feel uncomfortable,' Thor told him. Midgardians were sometimes bothered by the oddest things, and Thor never really talked much about such things with Steve.

'I'm not, just, sorry... could you not tell this to anyone?' Steve asked. 'I don't want them to think... whatever they would think.'

Thor did not in fact know what everyone else would think, but he assumed Steve was concerned about what they would think of him. Natasha kept using the word "compromised", which Thor heard a lot from Agents like her. It always sounded like it meant that the person could no longer be trusted for one reason or another, but Thor did not think it applied to Steve. Thor had no problem trusting him.

'Secrets never stay secrets,' he told him as a mild warning, because it was the truth.

'I don't want it to be a secret,' Steve said. 'But I want it to be misunderstood even less.'

'Yes, I think I understand,' Thor nodded. It was a private matter, but some of their friends might not consider it as such. It could be hard to understand love given to someone seemingly undeserving. Especially when you had reasons to fear that their love could be used against them.

'I know I'm not handling this perfectly,' Steve sighed.

'Because you are not perfect, you cannot be. You should stop demanding it from yourself.'

Steve gave him a small smile.

'We all know love has many shades,' Thor said then. 'And the depth of your love should not come as a surprise to anyone, even if it's in a different shape than what they expected.'

'I don't want to give Natasha one more reason to think that Bucky's manipulating me,' Steve said.

'She's worried about you,' Thor said. 'She fears that you will be hurt. You should talk to her.'

'I know, but Bucky won't hurt me,' Steve said. 'Not... intentionally.'

'Your belief in him is unwavering, I know that,' Thor nodded. 'And I trust you enough to believe that your faith is not misplaced.'

'You do?' Steve asked, sounding surprised.

'You've earned that,' Thor said as he clapped a hand down on his shoulder.

'Thank you,' Steve said gratefully, so Thor gave him a smile and another nod. No matter his mood, it was no hardship to give a friend some encouraging words.

'Did you talk to Loki... at all?' Steve asked then. Thor knew his face darkened, but there was no helping it.

'As always, Loki had nothing for me but silence and sharp words,' Thor said.

'I wish I could tell you something... wise, but...'

Thor laughed. It was not a completely honest laugh, but it was no lie either.

'Do not worry about it,' he told him. 'Our situations are very different.'

Steve scratched his head as he thought for a moment. Thor knew right away that he still had something to say, so he waited instead of saying goodbye.

'You didn't ask me what I knew about this business Loki and Bucky are involved in. And I'm sure you have your reasons for that. If you want me to tell you, just ask.'

'I will,' Thor acknowledged.

'But the thing about Van Ripper made me think again,' Steve continued. 'I mean the demons were bad enough, really bad, but that list... And I don't just mean Amora and Van Ripper either. One of them is some religious fanatic, that Arcade guy is an assassin. And you told us about Gor-Tok, who led an actual invasion against some ancient Earth civilization.'

'Aye, not the finest of companies,' Thor agreed.

'God knows what the others on that list committed,' Steve said. 'And I know, I know... one side being bad, does not make the opposing side automatically good, but... it makes it something, right?' he asked, but continued before Thor had a chance to speak.

'I know Bucky got involved in this by making a deal with someone, he implied it was the same for Loki, but still... they're not standing with the likes of those demons and Amora. That's gotta count for something.'

'Maybe so,' Thor agreed. 'But can we really trust that Loki is not planning something more sinister for the future?'

'You would know best,' Steve said. 'But Thor, Loki's deal... whatever it is, it's something much bigger than what Bucky gets out of all this. And I have a feeling the way Loki's appearance changes has something to do with it.'

That was not a bad guess, Thor himself saw no real explanation for why Loki would be changing in such a way. The female form was one thing. After what Loki just told him, he would be willing to believe it to be deliberate, but the Jotun shape... after all the pain the truth caused Loki. No, Steve was right, it couldn't be Loki's doing. But who could be powerful enough to weave such magic? And what did they promise Loki in exchange for the work they are to accomplish?

'You still do not know who stands behind them, right?' Thor asked, just to be sure.

'No clue, that's one of the things Bucky never speaks about.'

'A precaution perhaps,' Thor guessed. 'This is Midgard, there are eyes and ears everywhere.'

Thor often marvelled at how easily SHIELD or Tony Stark found someone on the realm using the many cameras all around the globe, or the satellites orbiting the planet. It was very hard to keep a secret on Midgard, unless you kept something completely to yourself, and never put anything in a computer, and moved to some distant Nornsforsaken land where no humans lived.

'That's true,' Steve agreed. 'It won't stop me from wanting to know, or trying to figure it out.'

Thor smiled. 'Yes, but you are spectacularly stubborn, my friend. So I would not expect anything less.'

Steve smiled as well.

'No come, Captain, we have much to plan and Loki has given us very little to work with.'

'Yes, I can't wait for Natasha to veto half my ideas and call me a prehistoric idiot for even suggesting them.'

'That's always lovely to watch indeed,' Thor agreed, making Steve laugh again. That was a good feeling, seeing a friend laugh and smile in dark times. Maybe the storm clouds would disappear with enough laughter in his ears, even if it was not his own.

x-x-x

To be continued...