A/N: I know ya'll are curious, but Fake Lily will come in later::evil laughter:: And to clear it up, she was impersonating Lils simply to snog James. I love shallow characters… lol. Lol, FM.

HEYHEYHEY, for some shameless self promotion, I started a new fic, WANDERING EYES. It's gonna be really good—Madness-esque, I think. I love you guys! FM.

Disclaimer: I own a pair of fishnets. That's all I'm saying.

"I'd hate to be you," Chip said one evening as I flopped down beside her on a sofa in the Common Room.

"Why?" I demanded quickly. She handed me a piece of paper. It was a letter from my mum. "You read my mail?" I asked blandly. Chip waved her hand for me to read the letter, grinning.

'Lily Dearest,

As you know, Petunia is engaged to Vernon Dursley. They have decided to hold the wedding over the summer, which means you can help us plan! Isn't this exciting? And dear, bring your lovely friend, Chipper—she's such a nice girl to have around. Of course the two of you will need companions, so bring your boyfriend, and Chipper can bring a boy, too. We'll be staying at the summerhouse, so rooming will be no problem. I can't wait to see you!

Love,

Mum'

I said some pretty dirty words just then. No joke. Why is my mother always under the impression that I have a boyfriend?

Chip looked amused. "Lily, just bring me. You'll live if you don't have a male escort." Is it just me, or did she just make that sound dirty? Whatever.

"Chip, you don't understand!" I wailed, drawing attention from most of the people in the Common Room. "I can't show up without a boyfriend! Because for the rest of my life, I'll have to see pictures of this godforsaken wedding, and everyone in my family will be like 'Oh, poor Lily. Such a shame that no boy wanted to be her escort'. And no one will want to bring attention to it, so they won't talk about the pictures. Then they'll get over-sensitive about it, and won't talk to me at all, and then I'll be a social outcast in my own family! A picture-leper, because no one will even want to set up the pictures around their house, because they won't want to hurt my feelings because I'm all alone in the pictures. And then no one will invite me to any wedding because they don't want me to feel bad that I can't seem to get a date. And then I'll never be able to meet anyone, and people will avoid me because I don't know them, but they know I'm a picture-leper, and I'll die all alone with, like, fifteen cats because no one else loves me!"

"All because you didn't bring a boy to Petunia's wedding." I nodded, panting a little from my rant. "Then we'll find you a boy, love. Trust me."

I should have learned long before to never, ever trust Chipper Poseidon.

.xXx.

"Next," I said with a yawn. Chip crossed out the name. We were going through the boys of Hogwarts, trying to decide who was worthy of being my date.

Chip groaned. "What are you looking for then, Lily? Give me some criteria or something!"

"I need someone decently attractive, who can hold a conversation to some extent," I ticked the points off on my fingers. "Is used to muggles, and won't accidentally give a way the wizarding world or something. He has to have known me all through Hogwarts, in case Petty decides to grill him to see if I hired him or something. He needs to have good manners, and won't chase off after one of my pretty cousins or something."

"Oh, is that all?" she asked sarcastically.

I thought it over and nodded. "Yeah, pretty much."

Chip shrugged. "I hate to say it, Lils, but I think there's only one boy who's going to fit that form."

I sat up, looking at her curiously. "Who?"

"You're not going to like it," she warned. I glared. "James Potter."

"Poseidon—"

"Hear me out, Lils. He's decently attractive." Okay, I admit to that. "He can hold a conversation to some extent." Occasionally. "His father's minister, so he's used to muggles, and won't accidentally give away our world." True. "He has known you all though Hogwarts." Unfortunately. "He has good manners." Since when? Although, he can be charming when he tries, I'll admit. "And he won't go chasing off after one of your pretty cousins."

"Why not?"

She raised her eyebrows. "Because he's obsessed with you, in case you hadn't noticed." Oh, yeah.

"There has got to be someone else!"

"You could always take Remus, but he's sick so often…"

"Goddammit, I'm going to wind up taking James bloody Potter to my sister's wedding, aren't I?"

Chip nodded sympathetically. "I believe so, dearie."

Oh.

My.

Giddy.

Aunt.

"If it helps, we can call her The Freak instead of Lily's Sister." Gee, why didn't I think of that? The portrait slammed. "There's the devil himself. Oi, Potter! Get your arse over here—Lily needs you to do her a favor."

Oh how I wish I could dissolve into my seat. Potter bounded over (long legged bastard!) and sat on the arm of the sofa. Chip went off and started snogging Black energetically on the foot of the stairs of the boys' dorm.

"What's up, my lovely lady?"

"Um, well, is undying gratitude a currency?"

He stared at me blankly. "What?"

I sighed. "I need to kind of rent you for the summer."

"And out of it, I'd get your undying gratitude?"

I nodded, blushing. "Pretty much, yeah."

He rubbed his chin, looking thoughtful. "I can work with that." I gaped. "So what's going on?"

I took a deep breath and explained the whole situation. "And you're the only one who fits all of the criteria," I admitted. Now he's going to be a cocky bastard about it, isn't he?"

Instead, he bowed from his seat, took my hand, and kissed it. I stifled a shiver—knee-jerk reaction, people. Damn him and his perfect lips. Oh, speaking of…

"Which means," I said slowly. "That I hereby give you my express permission to touch me whenever it's necessary to look appropriately lovey-dovey. Okay?"

"What ever you say, pearl of my heart."

I glared. "Potter, it's not summer yet," I warned, but I didn't have the heart to sound appropriately menacing.

He grinned. "Ah, but why shouldn't we practice, Lils? We want to convince your family, don't we?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "What's the catch, Potter?"

"Well, that would ruin it, wouldn't it? And really, you should call me James." His eyes twinkled wickedly.

"Whatever." I paused. "Thank you… James." Then I got up and headed to my dorm.

.xXx.

Now to the mind of the ridiculously elated James Potter.

Told you she was planning on giving me her express permission to touch her.

So, I get to spend the whole summer with Lily Evans. Either I'm going to be murdered slowly and painfully, or I am going to come out of this a new man. A very happy new man. You see, the catch is this: I know Lily at least sort of likes me, even if she won't admit it. If we're spending all summer acting like boyfriend and girlfriend… I think you can see where this is going. Cue evil laughter.

I should probably owl my mum.