A/N: Thank you to all those kind reviewers out there, especially Guest - I'm so pleased you're enjoying the story, your review was really uplifting :) If anyone is looking for something more to read, I have a new one-shot about Severus called 'The Bothers of Breakfast' which you may like. But for now, here is the next chapter!
Chapter 25: Difficult Decisions
Angry tears of frustration sparked in Lily's eyes. She had been sitting along with Remus in Dumbledore's office for quarter of an hour now, trying to recount to the Headmaster the cruel ambush that Sirius and Peter had sprung on Severus. But it was so difficult, and still Dumbledore did not seem to grasp the sequence of events on gravity of what had passed!
It didn't help that she was mostly alone in explaining what Severus had suffered so unfairly.
Remus had backed up her account of the event, to be fair, but his unwillingness to condemn his friends was evident in the brevity of his descriptions, and the way he kept glancing apprehensively at Severus made it look as if he had been blackmailed into speaking up to the Headmaster!
And it was as difficult to coax words from Severus as it was to persuade a Hungarian Horntail to leave her collection of eggs! Though her best friend had deigned himself to admit much of what had happened to her and Remus, he was far less willing to be forthcoming with the details in front of the Headmaster. He sat frigidly between them looking absolutely mutinous. He stubbornly remained silent, and only time he spoke was in response to repeated questions, in bitter monosyllabic answers.
Lily could see that Dumbledore had half a mind to regard the tale as a fabrication designed solely to get Sirius and Peter in trouble, but she just couldn't let that happen! She was a Prefect, for crying out loud! Dumbledore had to trust her word.
"Severus didn't provoke them, sir," Lily now said determinedly, her voice shaking with emotion. "He was minding his own business! The attack was totally unjustified!"
Dumbledore acknowledged her with a sombre nod, but he subsequently directed his attention to Severus. "You were on the sixth floor corridor when this happened, Mr Snape?"
Severus begrudgingly gave a terse nod and continued to glare at the ornate desk in front of them with such ferocity Lily would not have been surprised if he had seared a hole in it by the time the interrogation was over.
"Might I enquire as to what you were doing there?"
Severus raised dark, belligerent eyes to the Headmaster. "I had just visited the Library," he replied, his tone daring Dumbledore to challenge him, to say he had been doing something wrong, something to deserve the attack! But the Headmaster replied serenely as if he had not heard the sharp edge to Severus' voice.
"Forgive me if I am wrong, but taking the stairs up one floor from the Library seems an unusual route to take back to the Slytherin quarters in the dungeons," he said lightly, his eyes twinkling with amusement.
Severus' scowl darkened.
"Were you perchance heading somewhere else?" Dumbledore continued politely.
Severus stayed resolutely silent, his jaw tightly set.
As Severus' stoic silence began to become significant, Lily glanced between him and the Headmaster, starting to perceive how suspicious her friend's refusal to admit where he had been going might now appear to Dumbledore. She hazarded that he had been planning on going to the Room of Requirement but that he was unwilling to betray his knowledge of the Room, and how to enter it, to Dumbledore. Honestly, Severus' refusal to trust the Headmaster would be his own undoing!
Lily's mind whirred as she tried to construct a plausible reason for her friend and his reticence to speak.
"Severus was coming to meet me, outside Gryffindor Tower," she said, her gaze fixed firmly on Severus' stony face to avoid Dumbledore's questioning eyes from seeking out the untruth in her words.
If Severus was shocked like he had been the last time she had lied for him in front of the Headmaster, this time he did not show it. His eyes closed momentarily, his eyelashes forming dark crescent smudges on his pale cheeks, and he turned his head away from the Headmaster. Lily thought he did a good job of looking embarrassed, but whether he was pretending in order to back her up or behaving that way because he was silently rebuking himself for letting her jump in and save him, she did not know.
"I see." Dumbledore nodded understandingly, while Remus looked between the rest of them with a slightly bewildered expression, as if he could tell that Lily had made up a story. But he kept quiet, and for that she was very grateful. Remus understood the importance of keeping secrets almost as much as Severus did.
Dumbledore coughed and laced his fingers together in thought as he moved on to another point of questioning. "May I just clarify that it is only Mr Black and Mr Pettigrew who were harassing you, Mr Snape?"
Severus fixed his black eyes sullenly on Dumbledore's, saying nothing.
Luckily Dumbledore seemed to take this as affirmation. "And yet Mr Potter was also present?"
"Not from the start," Lily said, looking to Severus for confirmation. "Severus said that James tried to stop the other two."
Dumbledore's white eyebrows promptly shot up so high that they disappeared into his silvery hair, his surprise not in the least hidden. Severus was beginning to look irritated, as if he regretted painting James Potter in a good light.
"I am – most pleased to see that Mr Potter has begun to mend the feud that has been warring between the two of you for so long." Severus looked very disgruntled now. "And that you have had the decency to tell me this. But how is it that he conveniently found you in your hour of need?"
Severus was too furious to speak, but now Remus spoke up for him. "James knew Sirius was planning something ever since they had an argument yesterday. He told me so. But I don't think he ever quite believed Sirius would go through with it."
Severus snorted derisively. Clearly he did believe Sirius easily capable of such blatant bullying.
"But if he did not expect this to happen, how did he find Severus at the right moment?"
Remus shrugged. Lily did not know either.
Severus huffed irritably and muttered, "I believe – though my hearing was significantly worsened at the time courtesy of that rat Pettigrew – that Potter said something about using a map."
"Is that so?" Dumbledore murmured, intrigued. "A map that could display a person's position? ...Most ingenious."
This was the first Lily had heard about James possessing an enchanted map. She looked over at Remus, expecting him to look as astonished as her, only to see him looking a disconcerting shade of grey. She started in surprise.
This caught Dumbledore's attention too.
"I can see this map means something to you, Mr Lupin," Dumbledore said, causing Remus to flinch. It was not a question, but it probed for answers as well as one. Remus fidgeted anxiously in his seat, colour flooding his face and neck.
"I – err – maybe – " he stuttered, fooling no one. Even Severus was roused from his dark cloud of resentment, cocking one curious eyebrow as his narrowed eyes slid over to focus their attention on Remus.
"Does Mr Potter have a map that he could use to gauge Mr Black's – or Mr Snape's – position?" Dumbledore prompted.
Remus tore at his hair, clearly struggling to find a way out of the inquisition and failing. "He – he does. Or rather – it's ours. It belongs to me and him, as well as Sirius and Peter."
"And how did the four of you come by such a convenient device?"
Remus looked as if he was about to choke on the words he was speaking. "We – we made it – together," he whispered to the floor, patently upset. Lily could understand why – it was obvious that this mysterious map had been an enormous secret and the other three boys would be furious that he had revealed its existence to both the Headmaster and their most hated enemy – Severus.
But she was also rather excited to find out this news. A magical map that could locate someone's current position sounded like a fascinating artefact – and it also explained many previously perplexing events. There had been numerous times in the past when James or one of the others had popped up 'accidentally' where she had been in various unusual parts of the castle or grounds – far more often than coincidences alone could account for – and when they had uncanny knowledge of where she had been. Only a few weeks ago, when she and Severus had returned from the Room of Requirement and encountered the Marauders outside Gryffindor Tower – they had known where she and Severus had been! And she even fancied that they had been flourishing something that looked like a map! She had seen it – it was true!
Lily looked eagerly at Severus and noticed a hungry light was stirring in his eyes. Dumbledore also appeared exceedingly interested.
"Bless my beard… A map of Hogwarts that displays a person's position? Quite brilliant… And you created it – all four of you? Mr Black and Mr Pettigrew too? …Absolutely incredible… Such talent you must all posses…"
While Dumbledore's musings became increasingly more full of admiration for James, Remus, Sirius and Peter, Lily watched Remus sag with relief while Severus turned rather sour-faced. She could sympathise with his displeasure – after all, Sirius and Peter's talent in map-making and tracking charms did not in any way negate what they had done to him.
"Sir?" Lily interrupted Dumbledore's dreamlike wonder at the Marauders Map. "We were discussing what Sirius and Peter have just done to Severus. Shouldn't we be considering how to proceed from this?"
"Oh – yes," said Dumbledore, now analysing Severus with careful thought. He plucked a cockroach cluster from the bowl on his desk and munched on it contemplatively for a moment. "I know that this has been a most unpleasant experience for you, Mr Snape, and you want to seek ensure they are punished. But we must all be understanding where young Mr Black is concerned. He has come from a very tough background where he is the odd one out in his family, pressurised to act against his beliefs to please his parents, and forced to leave home to live life in the way that he believes is right. Home life has not been easy for him, and we must make allowances…"
Severus' lip began to curl, and hot anger flooded Lily's body. Dumbledore didn't know anything about how hard life had been for Severus at home too!
"But Severus' family is ju-"
"Shut it, Lily!"
Severus snapped at her furiously, quickly cutting her off when he realised what she was about to reveal. She opened her mouth to protest but Severus' determined glare extinguished the words in her throat.
Lily bowed her head in defeat. She should have known that Severus would react in this way. He had been furious years ago, when she had found out that the bruises smearing his limbs were courtesy of his own father, a man who was meant to love him and care for him. He had been even more out of sorts when she suggested that he come with her and tell her mother what was going on at home. She knew that Severus hated her knowing what his family was like; he would do all he could to stop anyone else knowing as well. To him, what went on with his father was an embarrassment, a weakness, a horror that was best kept out of sight and out of mind, pretended not to exist. To Dumbledore, it did not exist.
"So Sirius will get away with this? Won't he or Peter face any sort of consequence?" Lily asked, resentment seeping into her low voice.
"It is not up to me to decide whether and how they should be punished, Miss Evans. That responsibility lies with their Head of House, Professor McGonagall. But I expect that they will face some punishment, perhaps a detention." Dumbledore smiled, looking between her and Severus as if awaiting their thanks.
But Lily was totally indignant, and it seemed that she was not alone.
"One detention?" Severus hissed, looking absolutely livid. Two hours spent polishing trophies or deigning themselves to do some other mundane task could not possibly equate to what they had done to him! Those Gryffindors had shown over the years, by the number of detentions they had served, that such a punishment taught them nothing – to them it was a joke, an amusing consequence of a grand prank.
"Detention would be my choice, but I must await Professor McGonagall's decision."
Lily looked sidelong at Severus, hoping to catch his eye and nod at him encouragingly. Professor McGonagall was strict, even with those in her own house – particularly so in fact. There was hope that she would ensure that Sirius and Peter got what they deserved – a punishment that would teach them a lasting lesson.
But Severus was still glowering at the bowl of cockroach clusters on Dumbledore's desk, his jaw clenched as if trying to bite back a torrent of expletives directed at the Headmaster, and he did not realise she was trying to catch his eye.
"Do not look so disappointed, Mr Snape," Dumbledore continued. "I understand that it would be most discomforting for you should your peers to catch wind of this incident, so I will put a Tongue-Tying spell on Mr Black and Mr Pettigrew with immediate effect to ensure that they cannot boast about it to anyone. You can rest assured that the only people who will know of this, aside from those of us in this room, are Mr Potter, Professor McGonagall and Professor Slughorn."
"No! Not Slughorn!" Severus said angrily, suddenly on his feet. "Keep him out of this! Too many people have heard already as it is – "
"But it is my duty to inform any student's Head of House when that student has been injured or involved in any incident such as this, Mr Snape," said Dumbledore. "I am afraid he must be made aware of the events."
But Severus would not take it. "No! It's none of his business! This is between me and Black and Pettigrew, no one else! No good can come of Slughorn knowing what happened so don't tell him!"
Lily looked on in surprise, slightly intimidated by Severus' raised voice. She personally believed that Slughorn would fight for justice for one of his talented Slytherins, but it seemed that Severus was more afraid of lowering his reputation and ruining his prospects of being introduced to the influential wizards whom Slughorn was proud of being in contact with.
"I am afraid your shouting will get you nowhere," Dumbledore said with a chuckle, his eyes moving away to focus on the door behind Severus and Lily. "Good evening, Professor McGonagall, Professor Slughorn."
Lily's head whipped round in unison with Severus' and Remus'. The two Heads of Houses were entering Dumbledore's office, McGonagall looking incredibly grim. Slughorn gave Lily a wink and a warm nod to Severus, moving over to stand behind his chair supportively. Severus' face had become mask-like, but Lily could tell from his wide eyes that his thoughts were moving at lightning speed.
"What's this about Black and Pettigrew being in trouble again?" McGonagall snapped at Dumbledore, sweeping a cursory glance over the three students present before fixing her irate gaze on Dumbledore.
"I am sad to tell you, Minerva, that they sprung a rather unpleasant attack on Mr Snape here, who was subsequently rescued by the arrival of Mr Potter, Mr Lupin and Miss Evans."
Severus glowered at Dumbledore's phrasing, and Slughorn grasped his shoulder reassuringly. McGonagall was looking between Severus and Dumbledore in confusion. "But the boy is not in the Hospital Wing, surely he is fine?"
This hit a sore spot. Lily found herself on her feet, determined to enlighten the Gryffindor Head of House. "They subjugated him to the Molluscio charm and the Scourgify hex, Professor. He could hardly breathe!"
McGonagall took a step backwards, eying Severus with shock. "Well…" she breathed, nostrils flaring. It was clear that her viewpoint had massively changed, and Lily was pleased she had spoken up.
"Thank you, Miss Evans," Dumbledore said quietly. Taking the hint Lily dropped back down into her seat.
"It is now up to the three of us to discuss the consequences misters Black and Pettigrew should face for their actions against another student," Dumbledore said, speaking to his colleagues. His eyes then moved to Lily and the two boys. "I would like to ask you all to leave now. I thank you for your information."
Recognising their dismissal, Lily stood along with Severus and Remus. But Slughorn laid a heavy hand on Severus' shoulder, forcing him back down into his chair.
"Severus m'boy, stay with us. It is only fair that you know how Black and Pettigrew will be disciplined for their attack on you. I am sure Professor Dumbledore meant for you to remain with us."
There was a second, and then Dumbledore smiled.
"Yes, you may stay to listen, Mr Snape. Goodnight to you Miss Evans and Mr Lupin."
And so Lily left, her eyes fixed mournfully on Severus back until she had no choice but to turn away and descend the stairs from Dumbledore's office.
Now she could only pray that the combination of Severus' aggrieved presence, Slughorn's loyalty, and McGonagall's stringency would ensure that justice was done, and any of Dumbledore's leniency towards two of his favourite (and now apparently highly talented) students was kept at bay.
"Lily?" It was Remus. "You know I never wanted any of this to happen to Snape, don't you? I'm sorry for what Sirius and Peter did, they shouldn't have sneaked up on him, it was stupid – "
"I know," Lily sighed. Remus smiled in relief. "You don't need to apologise for them. They should apologise to Severus. But I doubt it will happen," she added, and Remus' smile faded.
"At least we reported it to Dumbledore," he reminded her. "We did what was right."
Lily looked at him sideways, discerning a hint of pride in Remus' voice. Yes, finally he had started doing what was right instead of mollycoddling his friends. Maybe this was the start of him trying to keep the rest of the Marauders in line. She could always dream.
"You – you or Snape won't mention the map to anyone – will you?" Remus suddenly blurted out, his fears laid bare. Lily smiled and shook her head.
"Thanks," Remus whispered gratefully.
"Thanks for sticking up for Severus," she responded.
Remus' expression turned grave. "Let's hope it pays off." If it did not, Lily knew Severus would turn away from all of the teachers for good.
She nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat. There were no truer words than those Remus had spoken. Now she could only hope.
xXxXx
Friday afternoon was grey and dreary, the rain pattering dully on the soggy ground a sign that autumn had well and truly settled in at Hogwarts. Lily hovered by the great doors in the Entrance Hall, contemplating whether to brave the rain and pass her free period going for a walk in the grounds or to stay inside. There was plenty of work waiting to be done, of course, but with so much on her mind Lily just didn't feel like studying.
She couldn't rid her mind of the horrifying image of Severus struggling helplessly on the floor, an even worse reincarnation of his torture last June. Every waking and sleeping hour she was haunted by that vision, her memory bringing forth every dreadful detail – how he was smothered in layers of disgusting slime and frothing bubbles that choked him, how his panicked eyes flew about, desperate and unseeing, how Sirius and Peter had stood by in satisfaction.
As the scene sprang unbidden to mind once again, Lily's face crumpled. She wanted to weep in boundless sorrow. It tore at her heart to see Severus in that pitiable state. She would have felt sickened at seeing anybody treated in such a barbaric way, tormented and humiliated for entertainment or god knows what reason Sirius would justify his actions with, but for the victim to be her own best friend… it drove the pain even closer to home.
How could Sirius and Peter do that to him? How could anyone be capable of doing such an appalling thing? And to plot the cunning attack in cold blood… It was beyond her imagination.
She had foolishly thought the four Marauders had learnt their lesson after attacking Severus under the beech tree last June, but it was evident that while James and Remus might have matured, Sirius and Peter were just as unfeelingly cruel towards Severus as they had been then. How she wanted to slap them and yell at them how they had no idea what hell Severus had been through without them adding to his troubles, how monstrously sadistic they were! But it would never change what they had done to him. Nothing would ever erase the scar it would leave on Severus' memory, the hurt and the resentment.
Not even the numerous punishments that Sirius and Peter were now facing would be enough to compensate for what they had done to him. It seemed that Slughorn and McGonagall had fought hard to instigate a just punishment, neither being as soft on the Marauders as Dumbledore was. The two boys were now facing a year-long ban on Hogsmeade visits, letters detailing their crimes being sent home to their parents, and various detentions three times a week for the rest of term. These would involve, it transpired, cleaning the toilets and the bedpans in the Hospital Wing, scraping the chewing gum off the desks and chairs in all the classrooms of the castle (without magic), and studying extra History of Magic with Professor Binns in three-hour sessions. Lily suspected Severus might have had a hand in suggesting the latter idea. It was just his style of humour.
She was pleased that Sirius and Peter were unhappy with how they were being disciplined, Peter worrying most about the letter sent home to his mother while Sirius was outraged at being unable to go to Zonko's any longer. But she expected Severus would never be fully satisfied unless Filch was allowed to hang them upside down in his dingy office using his chains while Severus extracted from them whichever appendages would be useful in his extracurricular potion-making. Even she conceded they almost deserved such a fate for nearly suffocating Severus to death…
Lily's eyes began to smart at the injustice of it all, and as the bell for the start of afternoon classes sounded she made her mind up. She slipped out of the oak doors and hurried out into the rain, aching for the rain to mask her frustrated tears and to be – for once in such a busy castle – alone.
Already at the tender age of sixteen Severus had endured so much! Beaten and battered by his father, rejected by his mother, bullied by the Marauders, mocked and laughed at by other students, frowned upon by his housemates… even excluded by Dumbledore. There wasn't much that was unhappy that Severus hadn't experienced. He had led such a difficult life so different from hers, which with all its minor troubles seemed idyllic in comparison! And yet what had he done to deserve it?
True, Severus was not the handsomest teenager, but were the looks of his parents his fault? Of course not! Admittedly he was ambitious and fuelled with a fierce desire to prove his worth, seeking power and respect in Voldemort's ranks, but that was spawn out of the sore lack of praise and support from his parents when he was growing up. And yes, he was the epitome of antisocial, speaking only in sarcastic, biting tones and shooting cold glares at anyone who dared to look his way, but when he had been picked upon and taunted all his life, who could blame him for building up such a defensive shell?
Oh, Severus! Lily's heart constricted painfully and tears stung her eyes. He never deserved any of this! Fate had dealt him such a cruel hand.
How void of happiness his life was… No comforts of home, no warm laughter with friends, no peace or assurance for the future, no love… No wonder his view of life was so cynical. No wonder he was marching so purposefully down the wrong path…
How badly she wanted to show him what joy there was in life! She had never wanted something with such blazing desire that it actually hurt inside, wanted so badly that she felt she would die if she didn't try to attain it, never felt in the core of her bones that such a colossal injustice. Severus deserved to experience the pleasures of life – comfort, peace, joy, fun, love… Everything he lacked, everything the world was so intent on keeping from him… Did she dare pluck up the courage to challenge the world? Did she have enough valour to cross the line? To brave everything against all odds?
She still couldn't say for sure.
Quite suddenly rainfall intensified and the battering of raindrops upon the nearby lake sounded in a loud hiss. Behind the grey rain-curtain the distant forest receded into a dark smear, while the lake's surface became pocketed and littered with bouncing raindrops. Within moments Lily's cloak was saturated with water and it clung tightly to her frame, chilling her skin.
Right now, she longed for the chance to open up her worries and fears to a friend – someone who was not biased, someone who would listen, someone who would help her make the right decision – but who was there? No longer did she have Petunia, or her mother, or her muggle friends, and none of her Gryffindor companions could ever be trusted with the topic of Severus. She raised her face to the sky, feeling the soothing spatter of cool rain upon her cheeks and eyelids, praying for help.
When the rain shower abated and she was drenched to the skin, she opened her eyes and her gaze fell on Hagrid's hut. And there her solution came to her.
xXxXx
As Lily made her way to visit Hagrid, she realised with a twang of guilt that she had not yet visited him this year and she scolded herself for waiting until her hour of need. When she was younger she had frequently dragged a reluctant Severus or Mary along with her so she could hear his fascinating stories about the mystical animals she only knew from fairytales that he was caring for in the Forest, and drink tea from mugs the size of biscuit tins. In more recent years she had visited the gamekeeper by herself, their friendship well established. In a place far from home, she had always felt comforted in his cheerful company and his cosy house.
Lily knocked on the large door and moments later she heard heavy footsteps. The door opened to reveal the half-giant towering above her, his beetle-eyes crinkled in a surprised but delighted smile.
"Hi, Hagrid!" Lily squeaked as she was crushed in a big welcoming hug.
"Lily! Great ter see yeh!" Hagrid finally released her. "Yeh've not popped by yet all term."
Lily squirmed. "Sorry, Hagrid. The teachers have been giving us a lot more work, now that we're NEWT students."
"Well, yer here now, an' tha's what matters. Come on in. Wan' some tea?"
"Yes, please." Lily shut the door before settling herself on one of Hagrid's large wooden chairs while he bustled about, already feeling a little more optimistic.
"I hear yeh've been gettin' on well in Dumbledore's special defensive magic classes," Hagrid said conversationally, pulling out mugs from the cupboards as the kettle whistled on the hearth.
"You know about them?" Lily exclaimed in surprise.
"Course I do!" replied Hagrid. "I'm in Dumbledore's Order too. Tells me ev'rythin', he does. Knows he can trust me, see. He's very proud of you and James, he is," he added, pointing the spout of a teapot at her. Lily blushed.
"Course, I'd be useless on a broom, wouldn' even get off the ground," Hagrid continued with a chuckle, pouring out the tea. Lily added the milk for him. "Now, take a flying motorbike like young Sirius is always goin' on about nowadays. Tha's more ter my liking."
"Are you sure he doesn't want one just because it would annoy his mother?" said Lily doubtfully.
"Blimey, Lily, travellin' about on one of them, all the girls would love him! He'd be the most popular kid in school. Not that he isn' already, joint with yer James…" Hagrid added with a grin. Clearly Hagrid hadn't heard of what Sirius had done to Severus with Peter – so Dumbledore had kept the incident quiet, as he had promised.
"Bath bun?" Hagrid said, offering Lily a plate. She took the smallest one she could find, knowing by now to be wary of the rock-solid sugar Hagrid used in his cooking but not wanting to hurt his feelings by refusing.
"Now," said Hagrid, sitting himself down and looking uncharacteristically serious, "what's this I hear about you goin' out with that Slytherin Severus Snape?"
"I am not going out with him!" Lily flared up immediately. "That's just some stupid rumour that's been going around recently! We're just friends! I mean – well –" She broke off, feeling more flustered by the second. She pulled her hair back off her face, feeling how hot it was as she did so.
Hagrid held his hands up, chuckling softly. "Yeh don' need ter tell me anythin', Lily. But I caught those rascals James an' Sirius down here by the Forest the other night, an' as I was takin' them back up ter the castle they were talkin' 'bout Severus. An' they didn' seem ter like him very much."
Lily sighed and rolled her eyes. "They have never liked each other. Even you know that, Hagrid. It seems that with every year they hate each other more and more. I think Severus resents James for saving his life when Sirius stupidly thought it would be funny to tell him how to get under the Whomping Willow–"
"Yeah, I heard," growled Hagrid, lowering his bushy beard to his tea.
"–And James is jealous of Severus because – well – I'm friendlier with Sev than him – or at least, I was…"
"An' James likes you very much," Hagrid finished. Lily nodded mutely.
"But it's so stupid!" she erupted suddenly. "I wish they didn't have to fight all the time."
"Ah, well, boys can be a bit stupid when they're fighting over girls," said Hagrid sagely.
"But I want to be friends with both of them. Or is that too much to ask?" Lily said drily.
"Are yeh sure that Severus is alright?" said Hagrid. "I mean – I was happy watchin' you too together when yeh was eleven, but he seems ter have changed quite a bit since then… always scowlin', hangin' around with them other Slytherins who I know in my bones are downright dodgy. I jus' wan ter know yer safe when yer with him, Lily; he doesn' really seem like yer type…"
"I trust Severus," Lily said vehemently. "I'd trust him with my life. He's my best friend. But… I'm not sure he trusts me the same… He likes secrets… Oh, I think he still wants to join up with the Death Eaters, Hagrid!" Lily wailed, opening up her biggest fear to him. "But I can't let him go! He means too much to me. And you see – Dumbledore told me that I'm the only one who can persuade Severus to change sides – so I can't just abandon him, can I?" She fixed her eyes on him desperately.
Hagrid sighed and shoved his mug away, looking her straight in the eyes. "Listen, Lily. I know yeh want ter save ev'ryone, an' that's admirable. But sometimes yeh've just gotta leave it. Yeh can try all yer might ter understand some people, but with all the time in the world yeh can get nowhere. Sometimes yeh need ter accept that – an' think of what's best fer yerself."
Lily looked down at her half-empty mug of tea, hoping Hagrid wouldn't spot the tear trickling down one side of her face. She tried to sniffle as quietly as possible and drank several large gulps of tea in an attempt to calm herself. Hagrid gave her a heavy-handed pat on the shoulder and let out a gravelly sigh.
"But I know yeh'll do what's right, Lily. If anyone knows wha's right ter do, an' who it's worth savin', it's you. An' if anyone can save anyone, I know it's you. Yeh'll give it yer best shot. I've known yeh since yeh were a little firs' year, who was runnin' cryin' ter me because yeh didn' understand why yeh were havin' 'Mudblood' shouted at yeh an' why yer best friend was behavin' different around yeh at school. But yeh was always a tough one, Lily, an' yeh was never knocked down for long. Yeh've always been a fighter, an' a fighter for wha's right. So keep yer chin up! It'll all come right, in th'end."
Lily nodded mutely and couldn't stop the rivers of tears from streaming out of her eyes. For some reason Hagrid's words had struck a chord with something deep inside her. Hagrid gave a cough and noisily drained his mug of tea, pointedly avoiding looking at her.
"Come on, I wan' ter show yeh somethin'…" he said more jovially, rising up and leading her over to the back door. Lily knew he was trying to cheer her up and she was grateful he hadn't said anything about her tears. Wiping her face while he wouldn't see, she hurriedly followed him outside where it was still drizzling.
"There," said Hagrid proudly, pointing to his glorious vegetable patch. Sitting there were the largest orange pumpkins that Lily had ever seen.
"Wow, Hagrid!" Lily gasped. "They're HUGE! It looks like they've been put under the Engorgement Charm, they're so big!"
"The wha'-?" said Hagrid.
"You know – Engorgio," Lily explained, turning to go back inside the hut. "Oh, Halloween's going to be wonderful! I can't wait."
"Engorgio," muttered Hagrid under his breath as he followed her in. "Right. Well, glad yeh approve. They've on'y got a couple more weeks ter grow before I need ter get 'em ready fer Halloween. Now, it's gettin' near dinner time, yeh sure yeh'll be okay goin' back to the castle on yer own?" He waved his flowery pink umbrella at her, offering to accompany her to keep her dry.
Lily offered him a wan smile. "Yes, of course. Thanks for the tea, Hagrid."
"Yer welcome," said Hagrid gruffly. "Jus' next time, don' leave it so long."
Lily nodded sheepishly as Hagrid opened his front door for her. "I won't. Goodbye, Hagrid!"
"Bye! Thanks fer callin' in!"
Lily headed out into the cool, damp air, turning back every now and then to answer Hagrid's vigorous waves, until his immense form was obscured by the grey sheets of rain and the dark, wet stone of the castle was rising up before her. It would have been quite miserable, were it not for the contented feeling that had lodged itself in her heart.
She was glad she had a true friend like Hagrid.
He never judged.
And he gave her the courage to do what she felt was right.
xXxXx
That's not too much of a cliffhanger, is it? I know I said that in this chapter Lily and Severus would finally confront their feelings for each other, but there just wasn't room! And this was written so I thought you might like an update ;) The next scene will come soon. I promise! And there will be more from Severus' POV, and James' soon too :)
THANK YOU FOR READING! Please leave any comments or queries, I'm especially interested to see what you thought of Hagrid in this chapter, I've had his scene written for months and I always liked it!
A note about the Whomping Willow incident: in this story, Lily does not yet know Remus is a werewolf, and while she knows Severus nearly got hurt because Sirius told him how to get under the Whomping Willow, she doesn't know it's because there was a werewolf at the end. All she knows is that there is something dark and dangerous at the end of the tunnel, and she believes Severus went down it because he's drawn to dark and dangerous things.