Notes:
So sorry people it took so long, but I've rewritten this chapter about a hundred times, and I'm still not hundred percent pleased with it, so feedback would really be appreciated.
Anyway, thanks to Gabe97 and Guest for reviewing the last chapter.
Glad all of you enjoy this, and there's much more planned to happen, and I promise it'll all make sense.
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December 19th, 2183...
They sat in a plane to Vancouver, Canada. Shepard didn't remember the last time she was so excited to visit a place. She's never been to Vancouver before and she wondered what the place looked like. But the excitement vanished whenever she thought of meeting his parents. That thought made her at unease because of two reasons. First, the thing she feared most was her mind torturing her while she's with them. She only wished that she would be sane whenever she would talk to them.
Second, she feared Trey, Kaidan's father, would not like her at all. Being Kaidan's CO means she should be his example, his leader. Not sleep with him and date him. Darcy, his mother, seemed nice and she might even get along with her. But Trey... he was a very influential marine, feared and respected even by the admirals. Admiral Hackett is one of his best friends, they've served on many missions together. She feared that if he truly wouldn't like her, he could use his connections to reassign Kaidan to another ship, or what's worse, strip her from command and ban her from the Alliance permanently. But she also knew she wouldn't give up without a fight. She was a Specter after all. She would use this and the power the Council gave her to her advantage.
She sighed as she looked out of the window, still an hour flight ahead of them. Kaidan was next to her left, having a blindfold on his eyes because he suffered from a headache. She had one earphone on and listened to her favourite music as she watched the snow fall outside. Christmas would come soon and she wondered where they would be to celebrate. A big lump formed in her throat. Immediately she thought of the last Christmas she celebrated at home, with her family. Maybe they would celebrate Christmas with his family, she thought as she swallowed the big lump down her throat.
"Hey." Called a lazy and sleepy voice next to her, she smiled and took out the earphone as she turned to Kaidan.
"Hey, you any better?" He removed the blindfold to look at her. The wrinkles around his eyes became a little more visible because of his headache.
"Yeah, the medication started to work." Then he leaned a little closer to the window, it was night and the sight made him breathless. The city lights were glowing underneath the thick layer of clouds and snow. It was a beautiful sight. "Look at that. Years after spending on space ships and seeing stars from close up can't beat that sight." She chuckled as she observed the same sight as him.
"It's beautiful. Vancouver is a big city."
"It is." She watched the hidden lights, unable to look away. Then an announcement rang through the airplane, letting the passengers know that they will land shortly and that they put on the seat belts. Kaidan settled back into his seat and fastened his seat belt, Shepard did the same. They were silent during the rest of the flight until they landed. They stepped out and moments later they received their luggage.
They were in the waiting rooms now as Kaidan took out his phone and dialed the number to call a cab. Moments later he put the phone away and sat down next to Shepard. She was staring at her hands in her lap, her eyes blinking rapidly. He wondered if she was alright. "Everything okay?" He asked as silently as possible. Somehow startled she looked up and smiled nervously.
"Yeah, yeah, it's just...I'm nervous." She took a deep breath as she closed her eyes for a moment, he knew what she referred to because they talked about it yesterday.
"Jane, there's no reason to be nervous, you'll see." His voice was soothing her nervousness, but the fear remained.
"Yeah but...what about your father? What if he does everything to keep me away from you?" She turned her head to face him fully. "And by that, I mean really everything. Your father isn't just anyone, you know." Kaidan took her hand in his, he knew what she was talking about. The same thought made him worried, but he wouldn't let her know that.
"If he really wants to separate us," he waited until she looked at him before he would continue "then he'll lose me. Simple." But Jane shook her head.
"Kaidan... it's not that simple and you know it."
"Look, I'm not gonna give up on you that easily." Then he realized what he blurted out, fear immediately clouded his mind as he searched for a way to fix it because he saw her wide eyes. "I mean I- I'm not, you know, not following his every command. I'll- I'm not a kid anymore and-" Her chuckle broke his nonsensical speech, which made him blush.
"It's okay. I'm glad that... you would fight for me." He watched her stunned for a while, then smiled, feeling relieved.
"Anytime Jane. I mean, I'm dating my CO. I'm the man!" She punched his shoulder playfully and both laughed a little, but she understood what he meant, so she would listen to him.
"Right. I need to loosen up a bit." She leaned into him as time passed by. Kaidan thought about the reaction from his parents when they meet her in person. He didn't want to admit it, but he was just as nervous. Never did he brought a girl home and that frightened him a little. Not in an unpleasant way, but he was still nervous at the thought of their first encounter.
Shepard was thinking about the time she will spend there, and the wedding she is supposed to attend with him. Now when she gave it a better thought, she never was at a wedding before. A big lump formed in her throat because of that. That seemed so normal for people who had their families and friends, but to her it was normal not to have someone.
She shook her head as she started to remember the horrible things. Not now, she thought. Now is Christmas time, a time for happiness and spending it with family. Again, her smile vanished. And again, she hated her life.
They took their suitcases and approached the cab. Her heartbeat was frantic with every step she took, and she knew from the moment she sat in this cab that there's no going back. She's going to meet Kaidan's parents and probably spend Christmas with them. Her heart clenched at the thought.
####
Half an hour later...
They still sat in the cab as they approached a suburban area. She didn't know if this was the place Kaidan lived but she guessed they were not too far because Kaidan looked eagerly out of the window, looking at each house separately and smiling. Shepard couldn't watch his happy face though, it was too painful to her. It wasn't his fault of course, but whenever she saw him smile at a house she wished she could do the same. She had no home to return to. She had no where to return to, except the Normandy.
Suddenly the cab driver slowed down as they approached a few larger homes. Finally the cab stopped and that's the first time Shepard laid eyes on Kaidan's home. It was a two story house, bigger than the average. Christmas decorations were placed all around the lawn, the lights lightning in a white color with a small note of red and blue. A small Christmas tree was in front of the house.
Kaidan sighed and opened the door of the cab, when he stepped out he reached his hand out for her. She hesitantly took it, but she had to somehow divert her mind from her past. The last thing she needed was his parents seeing she's sad or upset because of something. Kaidan took out their suitcases, he gave her one bag while he carried the rest. Slowly they approached the house. Shepard's heartbeat was never so frantic like in this very moment. Suddenly the door opened and they revealed an older woman. It was his mother.
"Trey! Brian! They're here!" She yelled before she came to them. She hugged Kaidan, but Kaidan couldn't hug her back because he carried the bags. "Oh my baby, I missed you so much!"
"Mom the bags!" He said chuckling, finally she released him. Trey came out as well as Brian, all went to Kaidan to greet him. Trey took a few bags before he took his son in a one hand embrace.
"Welcome home Kaidan." Then Brian came and hugged Kaidan, patting his shoulder hard.
"Hey bro! Vous y êtes!"
"Aww please. No French." Brian punched his shoulder playfully.
"Ha! Still can't speak!" Brian mocked him and Kaidan just shook his head.
"I can! I just don't like it." Then everyone looked at a very stunned Shepard. Shepard watched them the entire time and the sight of a happy family did nothing to banish the lump in her throat. Why couldn't she have a family like Kaidan?
Her eyes fell on Kaidan's, she could see the concern and worry written in them. Somehow, she kicked herself mentally. It's Christmas Shepard for heavens sake, she thought and finally managed to smile as she approached them.
"Hello." Darcy was the first to greet her with a motherly hug.
"Welcome to our home Jane." She broke the hug and looked at Jane. "My, you're even more beautiful in real life." Shepard blushed and lowered her head slightly as she felt the other eyes watching her. Then Brian approached her and Shepard knew immediately he was the type of people who got along with everyone.
"Eh Jane! 'Sup? My brother being a gentleman?" That left Shepard blinking. Brian saw that and he couldn't help but laugh. "Sorry. Welcome to our humble home." Kaidan came to them and crossed his hands as he looked at Brian.
"Now he's a smartass, but as soon as Trish returns he turns into a obeying puppy." Darcy laughed, Brian just let out a 'pft'. "By the way, where is she?"
"She makes the final preparations for the wedding." Said Darcy "Trey?" Then silence fell upon them. All of them greeted her, except Trey. He just stood there, watching her with resentment. Shepard took a deep breath and decided to put on her Commander attitude.
"Captain." She saluted, hoping he would salute back. But he just kept staring at her, his face wearing an unreadable expression. Kaidan swallowed hard as he felt the tension growing between them.
"Commander." He said with a nod, not even bothering to hide his resentment for her. She swallowed, but she wouldn't let him know he intimidated her. He kept watching her until he turned and left without saying another word. Darcy shook her head at the display, but then she smiled hoping to cheer her up a little as she patted Jane's shoulder.
"Let's go inside. It's rather cold here." Said Darcy before they all started to go into the house. Shepard though, she just stood there almost lifeless. Kaidan noticed that something bothered her. He came to her as his family carried their bags inside, he gently took hold of her lower arm which made her look up at him. He knew that look all too well.
"Hey." His voice was barely above a whisper, she could hear his concern. But she didn't want to discus it, not here.
"Let's go inside Kaidan. Your family is waiting." But he didn't release her hand, he just stood in front of her preventing her to leave.
"Jane, please, I'm sorry." She smiled weakly as she looked away.
"It's okay. I guess I gotta get used to it. Right?" Then she walked past him towards the house. Kaidan let out a heavy sigh, he so wanted to yell at his father because it broke his heart to see her like this. But he couldn't just drop the matter like this. "Jane." She stopped luckily, and turned to him.
"Yes?" He stopped in front of her and took her hand in his.
"Look, whenever it gets too much, please let me know so I can help." She smiled and placed her palm on his cheek.
"Don't worry. I will. Come on. Let's go inside." Then she took his hand and guided them towards the house. Kaidan caught up and walked in front of her, he holding her hand now and guiding her. Shepard manged to banish the sadness she felt as they entered the richly decorated hallway. Kaidan hung his jacket near the door, then he took her jacket and slowly slid it down her shoulders. Shepard smiled and whispered a 'thank you' before he guided her to the living room. Again, Shepard's heartbeat was frantic, but her nervousness vanished when she stopped in the doorway to the living room.
On the other wall was a large tv and a fireplace on the opposite wall. A large couch was in front of the tv. It was a large living room so all of them could fit in easily. Darcy was putting fresh baked cookies on the table, Brian placed some soda drinks and glasses. It was a comfortable atmosphere, but Shepard had the feeling of being unwanted here, still.
"Come in, come in." Darcy said eagerly as she sat down on the couch, eagerly patting the place next to her. Shepard smiled and sat down next to Darcy, Kaidan next to her. "How was the flight?" She asked and Shepard turned her head to look at Kaidan.
"Nice, had a headache starting but I had the necessary medication." Darcy's face visibly saddened as she heard that.
"I hope you're better now?"
"I am mom. Medication from the Citadel works fine. Anyway, where's dad?" Tension fell inside the room again and Shepard felt even more unwanted. Darcy let out a long breath, her brows furrowed together.
"He's upstairs, relaxing." Kaidan just nodded, defeated. Shepard hated herself right in this very moment. Brian poured them some soda drinks in each glass before.
"You know how he is Kaidan." Started Brian as he sat down as well. " Follow the rules, live by protocol, blah blah blah. I'm surprised he didn't yell at you out there." Kaidan shook his head as the lump in Jane's throat grew bigger and bigger. "But don't worry Jane. Just ignore him, pissing him off is what I do most of the time."
"Brian!" Darcy warned her son for his rude behavior. Brian just shrugged his shoulders, and Shepard had the feeling she had to apologize.
"I'm sorry." Then every eye fell on her, the silence stretching. Everyone waited for her to continue and so she did. "I shouldn't have come here. I ruined your holidays." Darcy put a hand on her mouth before she placed the same hand on her shoulder.
"Oh Jane, sweety, look," Jane turned her head to her but avoided her gaze "don't blame yourself. Trey seems harsh but he is a good man. We're happy to have you here." Jane nodded, Darcy was really nice and she was happy she wasn't like Trey. Kaidan let out a long breath as he stared at the floor.
"I thought he would change, at least a little." He whispered, his voice pained. Shepard wanted to ask why, but Brian was faster to speak.
"Dad and change? Nah. He's still in the Alliance, even though he's retired. But I tell you Kaidan, there were times when he was like 'why didn't you join the Alliance like Kaidan'. That really ticked me off." Darcy places her hand on Jane's shoulder which made her look at the older woman.
"But enough of that. Are you two hungry?" Suddenly the entry door opened and someone entered the house while speaking to the phone.
"No no no no no NO! I said white lilies for the church deco, not white roses!" Brian's head slumped down, Kaidan chuckled and Shepard couldn't help but ask.
"Who's that?" Kaidan leaned close to Shepard to whisper.
"That's Trish, Brian's fiance. Just...well, you'll see. She's quite tempered and direct." He answered chuckling. Shepard turned her head towards the entry door of the living room as the woman's voice became much clearer. And louder.
"If I'd wanted white roses for the deco I would've told you so! I want WHITE LILIES, otherwise you're FIRED!" She closed the phone roughly and let out a frustrated breath. Her phone disappeared in her pocket, her shoulders slumped down as everyone watched her. Suddenly she started to cry and Brian immediately went to her.
"Hey sweety why are you crying?" He didn't approach her though, instead he waited for her to answer as she cried and cried.
"He said white roses are better than white lilies, and that I should order white lilies for a funeral and not for my wedding!" Then she cried more violently. Shepard turned her head to look at Kaidan with raised eyebrows, he just watched her with a smile and shrugged his shoulders. Brian embraced her and started to comfort her.
"Sweety, but white roses are beautiful too."
"Oh now you're the smartass, too?!" She broke the embrace roughly while glaring angrily at him. Shepard just watched her stunned. Then she took out her phone again and dialed a number. "You know what? It won't be white roses or white lilies." She put the phone back on her ear and waited until the wedding planner picked up the call. "I've changed my mind. I don't want white lilies or white roses. I want red roses! Bloody red! Otherwise, you're fired!" She turned around with the phone still on her ear, then walked out of the room hastily. "No, I want red roses! It'll match perfectly with the white table cloths and curtains..." Brian sighed, lowered his head, then turned to Shepard.
"Trish, that's Jane. Jane, that's my crazy wife-to-be Trish." Shepard just chuckled as Brian sat back on the couch. Suddenly Trish reappeared again and came to Kaidan.
"Kaidan I'm sorry. Haven't even noticed you." Kaidan stood up and gave Trish a friendly hug.
"It's okay. Congratulations to your wedding." Trish broke the hug and smiled.
"Thanks. I'm sorry for the show a few seconds ago. The wedding planner just doesn't like to hear out my wishes." She smiled then turned to Jane. "And you must be Jane." Shepard stood up and reached her hand out, Trish just ignored it and hugged her instead. "So nice to meet Kaidan's girlfriend finally. I thought he would never have a girlfriend after the stuff with Rahna happened." Everyone stilled in the room. Shepard felt Kaidan tense beside her as the tension grew in the room. Everyone was nervous because she mentioned Rahna, she seemed to notice it but didn't understand why everyone became so tense at the mention of that bloody girl. "What?" Brian just took her hand and led her out of the living room. Before he left though he said an almost silent 'I'm sorry' to everyone. They walked upstairs, leaving a very stunned Kaidan and Shepard behind. Darcy smiled weakly as she came and sat down on the other side of Kaidan.
"Don't be mad at Trish. You know she doesn't mean it that way." Kaidan just stared at the floor. Shepard didn't know what to do so she just placed her hand on Kaidan's. He smiled and looked up at his mother.
"Yeah...I suppose." Shepard looked at the table and thought about what just happened. It seemed Trish didn't like Rahna, and she made a mental note to talk to her when she gets the chance.
####
The evening went well, Kaidan and Brian were mostly laughing and talking while drinking beer, Darcy just shook her head at the silliness of her sons, Trish laughed as well. Jane watched them all the time while she listened to their conversation about the time Kaidan discovered he has biotics.
"And when I came back into my room," Brian started explaining with a wide, tipsy smile on his face "there was Kaidan, glowing blue like a lamp."
"Wha- what's that for a comparison, 'like a lamp'?" Asked Kaidan while he laughed so much Jane thought he would fall of the couch. Brian kept laughing too.
"Because I thought you were a lamp. I drank beer with my friends for the first time. I was twelve, Kaidan six. I was like 'okay, no more booze for me'."
"Later, Brian came to me," Trish started all excited and laughing "and he was like 'I saw Kaidan glowing blue like a lamp'. Oh my, I thought he was high." All of them laughed now, Darcy went to fetch them some more cookies and drinks. Jane sipped her beer the entire evening, not caring if it already lost it's taste. The smoke of Brian's cigar clouded the room, Kaidan coughed a few times and warned him to put out the cigar, Brian just waved him of. Trish sat down next to Jane and scooped closer as the two males started talking again. Jane saw the grin on Trish's face and she knew what that grin meant. Joker had the same grin.
"So," she started as she leaned a little closer to Jane so they could talk "you and Kaidan, huh? And you're his commanding officer, hm?" She sipped her beer as she waited for Jane's answer, who tried to look like it didn't make her feel embarrassed.
"Yes, we are. And yep I am." Trish smiled mischievously.
"Oh come on. Don't tell me that doesn't sound hot?" Jane blinked twice as she kept watching her. "Hey I'm just joking around. I'm happy for you."
"Thanks." She answered as she sipped her beer. "It's hard to find someone in my kind of job."
"Oh tell me about it." Shepard wanted to ask what she meant but her question died in her mouth, Trish leaned down on the couch next to her as watched Brian and Kaidan as they talked.
"You know, Kaidan and Brian are two different personalities, yet they have one thing in common." She turned her head to look at Jane with a mischievous smile on her face. "They both like dangerous women." Then she winked which made Shepard smile.
"What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a cop. Not as dangerous as your job I suppose, but still something."
"And Brian?"
"He's a fireman." Trish turned her head to back to Jane and winked. "We both have eyecathers, right?" Shepard smiled but had to agree with it.
"True. So very true." Trish held out her beer to Shepard, until their bottles clashed.
"To our hot and awesome men." Brian and Kaidan heard that and they both turned to look at them.
"What's the toast for?" Asked Brian, but Trish just shrugged her shoulders.
"Nothing." She turned to Jane and both started to giggle. Brian shook his head, Kaidan kept watching Shepard. He saw they got along quiet well which made him happy. Then their eyes locked for a brief second, and Kaidan was so trapped in her eyes. When she looked away he could hear Brian mocking him, but Kaidan didn't mind. He loved her, but he was just too afraid to say it.
####
"Goodnight." She and Kaidan said to Trish and Brian before they made their way out of the living room. She followed him upstairs, then through the hallway until they reached a door, Kaidan opened it eagerly and Shepard stepped in.
There was a double bed, small wardrobes placed on two walls that proudly presented his toys. A few plush teddy bears were placed on the wardrobes, along with a few action figures. Kaidan stepped further in and walked from shelf to shelf to inspect his action figures and plush toys. It was amazing that his mother kept his room exactly as it was. She found it adorable. He turned to her with a smile on his face, but walked past her to close the door. Kaidan stopped in front of her then and brought her close to him, she wrapping her arms around his neck as he embraced her waist.
"And?" He asked eagerly, she couldn't help but chuckle.
"Your family is nice. I like them and the place." A relieved smile crossed his face.
"I'm glad. And Brian is right, just ignore my father." They didn't even realize they were slowly walking in a circle, as if dancing, but none of them cared.
"Oh I will, I'm not letting him ruin our holidays." Kaidan's smile stretched, happy that part of her Commander attitude returned. They kept dancing like this, both trapped in each others gaze and both not wanting to break it. Jane felt her heart leap at the intensity of his gaze, he made it all warm around her heart. Suddenly she had the urge to tell him something. Something of great importance. "Kaidan, there's something I wanna tell you, but...I'm kinda scared." In an instant his brows furrowed together, a frown appearing on his beautiful relaxed faced. She hated herself for that.
"Are you okay? Is it the sickness?" She smiled, hoping to lower the tension.
"I'm okay. Well, as much as someone can be with...the pills and all." Kaidan took a deep breath as she looked at his chest.
"You can tell me anything. I won't run out of here. Let's talk." She smiled then lifted her eyes to meet his.
"Well, it's something I wanted to tell you for a long time now and...somehow there wasn't a really good moment for this, but now I think...it's, uhm..." She blushed furiously, but thanks to the dim light of the room he couldn't see it. But he wasn't stupid, he guessed where this is going and he couldn't help but chuckle.
"You really aren't good at this...whatever you're trying to say." She met his eyes again.
"I'm so not good at this." Both laughed a little at their silliness, soon though they regained their composure. She took a sharp breath and forced herself to look into his eyes. "Anyway, after everything we've been through; Saren, the geth, Sovereign, I've...come to care for you." She said the last sheepishly as she lowered her head, fixing her gaze on his chest. "A great deal." She whispered the last, but still he heard her and he couldn't ignore the wild beating of his heart. Suddenly they both stilled and Shepard wondered if she said something wrong.
"Shepard...you know that if the Alliance finds out about this...us...we're both screwed." His voice was low and concerned, his gaze pinning her. That's what she feared, and that broke her heart.
"I know, and I'll understand if you...don't want to pursue this...us." Kaidan let out a long breath, one that made her wonder. His face gave nothing away and that made her doubt everything. Maybe she misread him?
"What makes you think I don't want this?" His words hit her so hard she felt her heartbeat quicken. They almost made her breathless.
"Well, I- I don't know to be honest."
"Shepard," he said her name chuckling while a smile appeared on his face "am I that mysterious?" She blinked twice, now that she thinks about it...
"Not mysterious, but...you're not exactly easy to read, either." She said chuckling, which made him chuckle too.
"I care for you too Jane. Deeply. I mean, you're the first girl I ever brought home. Isn't that something?" She lowered her head and stared at his chest again.
"Yeah, sure it is, but I wanna know-" She couldn't ask him. Or could she?
"You wanna know if I love you?" That stabbed her heart and if he didn't held her she thought she would land on her rear. He could definitely read her mind.
"Well- ah, I... uhm... I don't know." He chuckled even more because she was so adorable to him. "You're laughing me out." She said as she stepped away, but he caught her hand and stopped her.
"I'm not laughing you out. You're cute." He took her other hand in his and did nothing but watch her for a while. Then he took a deep breath, one that would banish the fear he felt, hopefully. "What would you say if I do?" I would push you down and fuck you right here, Jane thought as she stared into his eyes, her heartbeat so frantic she thought she would pass out.
"I- I'm not. I don't...shit." She sighed and rubbed her forehead, realizing her silliness and her nervousness. What the hell is wrong with her? She took a deep breath and decided to close her eyes. "I would say the same. That I...love you too." Kaidan could jump up and down in glee, but first he pulled her into a hard embrace. She smiled and hugged him back, then he broke the embrace to look at her.
"Well, if that's so... Jane Shepard, I love you." She chuckled, then it turned into a small laugh.
"Well, if that's so," she decided to mimic him which made both of them laugh "Kaidan Alenko, I love you too." Shepard swore he never smiled that brightly.
"Now you're laughing me out!" He said, trying to sound hurt, but his smile gave him away.
"I'm not laughing you out! Ah!" He flung her over his shoulder and threw her on the bed. She laughed as he landed above her. Both calmed down because they became aware of the situation, and both felt the immense love they have felt for each other through all these months. She placed a palm on his face, her face inches away from his and decided to say it again, to make sure it wasn't a dream. "I love you."
"And I love you." Then he kissed her, and Shepard was so lost in his touches and kisses that all she could do was almost rip his clothes off of him. She needed to feel him, right now, because she felt incredible. She felt alive, happy, and she felt in love. As they made love, they pronounced their love for each other more than once.