I do not own FF8 but I can dream.

Chapter 25

Squall held the shards of the meteorite in his hand. The haze obscured them when he looked, but there was no doubt that the bags contents had become worthless. It was a seemingly perfect metaphor for his life. He couldn't see that his dreams- his future- was as broken as the mineral they had been sent to fetch. He was living in denial by trying to hold on to hope that some how he would find a way to be with her again.

Now his emotions were starting to run wild as Irvine helped him walk the ship's corridors.

The leather knapsack's contents clanked together as they walk. Each step produced that sound, and it only reminded him of his failures- so many failures. With every clank came the reminder of how far away she would have to remain from him. Before they could even step on the bridge's lift, he had enough.

Hurling the Nap sack against the wall, Squall followed that with his fist striking the metal wall. The pain was excruciating but it allowed him to express what had been building up. He struck it again and then again. Faster and faster until he released every ounce of anger he had been holding back until there was nothing left. Letting out frustrated cry, He struck the dented wall one last time before falling to his knees. Nothing was left. He was broken, bleeding and couldn't think straight. Irvine and Zell pulled him from the ground and put their arms around him. Squall lost it. He lost it all.

Minutes from there seemed to bleed together. His vision faded back and forth but thankfully his mind seemed to remain sound. The next moment he found himself in the engine room, bandaged, and cleaned up, but there was pain everywhere. His finger touched his stomach where heat and pain seemed to radiate intensely. In all of his grief, he didn't think about his injury or the complications that could arise from it. The dark part of his mind wished Irvine hadn't cast the damn full life spell. Maybe it all would have been better had it all faded to black.

Squall tried to shake himself from that thought. Where was his mind right now? He couldn't leave her. Hyne knows what would happen to her if he were gone. He couldn't let that happen.

He looked up at the two individuals who watched him with apprehension. He knew they were demanding answers from him and for the first time he felt like he was honestly ready to offer them up freely. But he had no idea how to start or where to begin.

"I had no choice but to leave her."

His voice barely made it over a whisper but he knew they heard him when Irvine looked to Zell. Damn it. He was not good at this. He couldn't even get this right.

"Are you talking about Rinoa?" Irvine asked for clarification.

He just nodded painfully as the heat in his gut started to shift towards a rolling pain.

"I don't get it. Why the hell would you feel that way, mate?"

"I don't feel that way," Squall was careful emphasized. "I'm telling you I had no choice."

His mouth went dry and suddenly found himself wishing that Quistis were here. Why hadn't he listened to her in the first place? She would have done a far better job at this then him.

"You remember when Rinoa and I went Esthar?" He asked, waiting for a second before continuing. "I hadn't decided Garden over her. I hadn't chosen anything… our bond..."

Zell and Irvine both made the same expression. They didn't understand him.

He sighed while running his non-injured hand through his hair. "Her power is strong. In order to sustain it, she pulls from my energy and in return I absorb the excess run off."

"Okay." Irvine spoke encouragingly.

How could Squall put this? There was no real way to put it that was believable. "The excess that I'm absorbing from her, leaves me temporarily insane."

He could see the confusion turn to alarm in a flash as Zell flinched.

"Whoa, insane?" Zell asked unable to grasp the concept. "Like crazy?"

Squall simply nodded, "It become too much and it overwhelms me. I can't really explain it other than I become someone else entirely. I become paranoid and often times delusional. I think everyone is out to hurt Rinoa. In Esthar, I ended up in President Laguna's home trying to destroy it. That was the first time but there have been others."

"The sparing incident." Irvine understood as his hand covered his mouth in concern.

"I slipped. I attacked Quistis while experiencing delusions. During our meeting with Rinoa, she had tried to access our bond and get into my head. Combine that with a private discussion at the party and it became too much. I wanted to kill Cid. I wanted to turn on anyone who would or could harm her."

"Wait," Zell held up his hand as an epiphany struck him. "This sounds a lot like Seifer's claims. Does that mean he was telling the truth the whole time? He really was possessed with no control?"

Irvine glanced towards Squall who confirmed with a nod. "I'll substantiate his claims. He wasn't lying."

"Hyne. That is so hard to believe, though." Zell shook his head trying to process it.

Feeling the pain starting to grow in his stomach Squall moved slightly causing him to wince, "Trust me, no one would sign up for this in their right mind. It comes with consequences."

"Your sight?" Irvine asked.

Staring at the floor, all Squall could do was shake his head, "An inconvenience of slipping in out. The stress absorbing the extra powers manifest in other ways, heart mainly."

"If you don't stay away you're going to die?" Zell leaned against the control panel eerily still.

"Hard to say. But from looking at data Odine has accumulated, its not good." Squall knew that the exposure to Rinoa would kill him sooner rather then later. Ultiemica may have been reckless with the way she allowed Seifer to absorb her powers, but the amount of damage the short term exposure had on Seifer was alarming. Rinoa was now possibly the strongest Sorceress in existence. There was no way to know how long he would have before he fell, if he chose to stand next to her.

"Accumulated? From Seifer?" Irvine seemed to understand.

Squall shrugged. It didn't feel right

Irvine shook his head as his hand dropped from his face. "It's fucked up that Seifer is trusted with this and not us, mate."

Squall understood where the hurt and distrust would come from. Even Quistis accurately predicted this outcome.

"I didn't have much of a say in it initially. Seifer warned Cid this would happen us, which is why Cid had sent us to Esthar. They were watching us without us knowing. Seifer was there when I was recovering and volunteered for the study Odine was doing."

" And now he's conveniently next to Rinoa." Zell pointed out.

Squall nodded tensely, "He's not her knight but he's the closest person who knows what she she's be going through."

"She needs you not him." Zell said defiantly

"If I was around her with that kind of insanity, she would absorb it. I can't do it. I can't do that to her."

Irvine looked at the leather bag. "What was this crystal for?"

"Research," Squall replied, wiping a bead of sweat away. "Dr. Odine wanted it for research. To make an Odine bangle that would take some, if not all, of Rinoa's power away."

"Shit." Zell's eyes widened in dismay as he realized the depth of what had transpired moments ago. "Fuck! And I just smashed it…"

Irvine grabbed Zell's arm. "Zell, it's not all your fault."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better man? This was his chance… I didn't know but that doesn't make it alright." Zell stood up to pace the cockpit.

"Irvine is right," Squall knew he had to take some of the blame. "I should have told you all. I wish I could say that I just didn't want to burden you all with this, but so much of it was my pride. It could have gotten you both killed. I deserve-"

Irvine held up his hand, " Just stop. This didn't happen because of your pride. It was an accident."

"An avoidable one." Squall interjected.

"Perhaps." Irvine conceded, "But there is no point in going over it. What's done is done and can't be changed."

They all stood in silence letting the truth sink in.

"I'm sorry man." Zell whispered again. "I'm so sorry.

"I should have trusted you guys." Squall whispered.

"So the plan is just to stay away from her? Let her think that you just don't give a shit?" Irvine seemed to struggle with the concept

Squall looked up to him, "What would you do in my situation?"

They stood for a moment longer before Irvine lowered his head shaking it.

"It's a tough one man." He admitted. "I don't know what I would do. I don't even know what to do with the knowledge I have now."

"I've been through this in my mind for months." Squall leaned his head against the headrest as a splitting migraine slowly formed. "I could live with her hating me. I couldn't live if … If I…"

He trailed off but they knew what he was saying. He couldn't live with himself if he turned her.

"Don't take this the wrong way Squall, but you don't look so good." Zell stated the obvious. "We still have no idea what that thing did to you or Shiva. We've got to put this on hold until we get you somewhere safe."

To say he felt like shit was an understatement. The pressure building up in his head at an alarming rate was starting to affect his functions. Closing his eyes gave temporary moments of relief but he knew that it was not a good sign. His other pressing injury was starting to radiate to his back and legs, and even made breathing hurt.

"To be honest, I'm not sure how much more I can take."

"I'll place a call for a team to meet us." Irvine said as Zell went to Squalls side.

"I'm going to kick your ass if you ever try to hide something like this again," Zell whispered before helping the commander move his chair into a reclined position.

The commander took the help in stride as his friend adjusted him for transport but his mind kept wondering back to the thing that they had encountered. It was one more complication in to his world that would keep him awake at night.

Quistis saw the glimmering light of the Ragnarok in the distance. An emergency call was received over an hour ago but the radio transmission was brief in nature. All that was communicated was that there had been complications in the mission and they would need a medical team waiting for them. With that vague understanding, she had to assume the worst and plan accordingly.

Dr. Kadowaki waited with a stretcher and a black duffel bag slung over her shoulder. She didn't need to ask what was in there. Undoubtedly there were restraints and medication should the injured party be the commander. The only other people permitted to stand waiting with them was Cid and Laguna. Quistis didn't understand the reason why Laguna was here, but there seemed to be some strange understanding between him and Cid where Squall was concern.

Squall would hate that he was here, Quistis recognized. It wasn't her place to say anything at all either way, but a small part of her wished Squall would realize how lucky he was to have him in his life. Squall was a standoffish person by nature, and yet this man fought to stay in his life no matter what. Growing up she dreamed of someone coming into her life like that. Still he wouldn't see it like that. With Squall, everything was more complicated.

She sensed Cid approach and mentally discarded the thought before he reached her side.

"I hope you're properly equipped."

"Yes Sir." Quistis reassured him, as the wind from the engines grew stronger as it approached.

Shielding her eyes, she watched as the ship on loan from Esthar landed with an intense thud. The engines were cut quickly and that was never a good sign.

"I would assume the worst, " Quistis looked to Kadowaki.

Kadowaki seemed to have the same plan as she pulled the stretcher closer to the docking doors and open the back medical bag for a quick response. On top a white Straight jacked with a large shot was visible. Quistis caught Laguna looking at it, his expression paled.

Once the haul door started to lower, the group moved forward to form an assist. Irvine and Zell were slowly walking Leonhart.

Kadowaki picked up phone. "Get an emergency room set up and staffed right away. We have one with unidentifiable injures coming down in three minutes."

Squall's consciousness seemed questionable but given his ash coloring and weak walk he was not going to pose any threat.

"What happened?" Quistis took charge in aiding them down the loading dock's lift.

Quistis looked back to Kadowaki to hide the straight jackets as she went out to meet them

"A gunblade blast through the abdomen. " Irvine informed as Squall groaned with their movement. Irvine quickly handed her a leather bag, which Quistis swiftly slung over her shoulder.

"What?" Kadowaki asked in dismay.

"Not… my own." Squall struggled to clarify.

That did very little to clarify the situation as Quistis turned her focus to the injured commander. At least he was somewhat conscious and alert. They had time.

"Also Shiva was drawn from him while summoned." Zell added.

That made everyone pause.

"What? How?" Quistis asked before looking to Squall, "By whom?"

"We're not sure. We didn't even know it was possible. The whom part is going to need some explaining." Irvine rushed to get Squall onto the stretcher.

Moving him was the hardest part. He did his best to keep from calling out, but the pain that lit up his eyes was enough for all of them to know that this was becoming critical.

"Quistis," Squall whispered breathlessly before grabbing her hand. "They know."

Processing what he meant took longer then it should have, but when the meaning dawned on her, she felt a huge weight lifted from her. She squeezed his hand as her only reply as Dr. Kadowaki placed an oxygen mask over his face.

"Alright, lets get him down to medical bay one. A team is on stand by."

"I'm going to be… ok." He whispered from the mask as he struggled to take a breath. His eyes fluttered to somewhere behind her and the sight made him wince.

"Why is he here?" Squall asked before his eyes rolled into the back of his head.

"Let's move! There has to be a slow bleeder somewhere." Dr. Kadowaki called out as Irvine and Zell grabbed each side of the gurney to help push him forward.

"How far was the shooter," Kadowaki demanded as they cleared the elevator.

"Close range." Irvine replied just as the elevator doors closed cutting her off from their conversation.

Silence left the three of them standing there a moment to process the turn of events. There were too many problems to address and trying to find which one took priority at the moment was futile.

Cid turned to her looking pale, "I do believe a debriefing is in order. Is that the meteorite they had been sent for?"

Quistis had forgotten all about the bag she now possessed. Pulling it down, she opened it to find shards of broken stone. Instantly her heart sunk to the bottom of her feet.

"The mission was a failure, sir." Quistis relayed holding up a piece of the meteorite.

Laguna slowly approached to take it from her. Quistis watch as Laguna slowly approach and reach out for the broken piece. Unable to speak, she allowed him to take the back and splintered piece. Laguna was unable to mask the upheaval his emotions have gone through in seeing the contents of the bag. His voice came out shaking, "I'll send this to Dr. Odine and see if he can get any data off of these."

Cid pulled himself away from the emotional scene starting to unfurl.

"Meeting in the Executive office in thirty minutes," He stated once more before giving a small nod to excuse himself.

She saluted the Headmaster as he passed, but she couldn't find the strength to leave the President of Esthar alone while so distraught.

She turned to him while he remained lost in his warring emotions that seemed to age him. She hadn't known if he had heard Squall at first, but now it was all too apparent that he had.

"He pushes those who cares the most away." She tried to give him some solace. "Family showing concern is a novel concept to him still."

The president looked up a bit stunned and then laughed nervously, "I guess I shouldn't be surprised that you know. You guys were the fairies in my head all those years ago. It took me a while for me to realize why you all felt so familiar."

The conversation seemed to die until the President looked over to her. "Cid and I have had an agreement in place when Squall's paternal lineage was discovered. He wasn't eighteen yet and I suddenly had rights to him."

Quistis felt uneasy at where this was going.

"I agreed with Cid that it was a joke to think that I had any right to pull him out of SeeD. Trust me when I saw that a large part of me wants to given the hazardous occupation SeeD seems to be aligned with, but I know its not my choice. I wasn't there. I didn't raise him. He seemed… content with SeeD. Our agreement was that I would not go for parental rights and he would privately keep me in the loop. It was the best possible scenario really. I just want to know that he is alright." Laguna's leg seemed to twitch as he looked up into the sky trying to calm down. "When I got the call that something might have happened to him…"

Quistis watched, as the President seemed to choke up.

"I've never thought myself as father. I was pretty sure I wouldn't be any good at it so it never came to mind. My role was always to be the fun uncle. Then in a single moment that all changed and I don't know how not to worry like a father. It's maddening really."

Something in Quistis eyes must have made Laguna realize he had gone on to sensitive ground. He drew up his emotions in one large breath and smiled at her.

"Anyway, I'm sorry if my presence causes complications."

Quistis reached out, stopping Laguna. "I'm glad to see you here. Squall needs you here no more then ever, but I think it's going to take time for him to realize it."

A warm smile flashed briefly on his face before giving away to that of a worried parent again. Unexpectedly, Quistis found herself envious of Squall, to the point that she was angry.

"Can I walk you in?" He asked, offering his arm.

"I need to make a quick phone call. I'll find you inside." She said retrieving her black mobile from her pocket.

Nodding, the President was quick to head back inside.

Making sure she's alone, Quistis pressed the call back button before holding up the mobile to her ear. It rang a few times making her frustrated that she even bothered, but before she could disconnect his voice picked up.

"Yeah?" Seifer spat out quickly.

Evidently she was not on his good side, "They returned."

"And?"

Why was he making this difficult? "There have been complications."

"That's SeeD talk for they fucked it up."

Ignoring his outburst she forged on, "I have a debriefing soon but I expect that the news I'm about to receive is going to change everything. Can you meet up with me?"

"Must be serious if you can find time to come out this way."

"Seifer don't be an ass. I don't have time for it."

"I'm an ass?" He laughed astonished by her insult. "Really?"

What the hell has gotten into him? It took her a second to remember the news from this morning. "If it's the photos that you're pissed off about…"

What did she want to say here? She stopped herself for a moment to think about what she was doing.

"It has nothing to do with you," She replied coldly.

"Good call. Better not lead me on because that would be wrong." Seifer mocked.

She had enough of this. Why did she call him in the first place?

"You know what, forget it." She was about to hang up when she heard his voice cut in again.

"Did you know the sorceress has an interview with an Estharian Magazine tonight?"

This was a revelation to her.

"What?" She said in a state of shock before moving on to anger, "Why are you letting this happen? Stop it."

"What the hell can I do about it?" He asked her. " Apparently it was prearranged for that stupid rally of theirs. There are black listed topics but I think we both know how honorable the field of journalism can be."

"We really don't need to be dealing with this right now."

"Tough shit, because it's going down. If it helps any, daddy Laguna picked the reporter. Daddy wouldn't let his son get burned in his country."

"What time is this at?" she asked looking at the time on her watch.

"Knowing Rinoa you won't need to be her before seven. It's at the Ten Oak's Hotel," He stated before dropping his voice an octave. "Should I get us a room?"

"We are not having this conversation," She rejected.

She heard him laugh on the other end, "We won't be able to hear them but I can do my security detail and while you fill me in with you're earth shattering debriefing. Think about it."

The phone disconnected leaving Quistis hanging and even more frustrated with the former knight. He seemed to be aiming on controlling ever situation they encountered and it was getting old. What made the whole situation unbearable was that his plan might make the most sense at this point. She closed her eyes placing her fingers at the source of the on coming migraine. Placing her phone into her pocket, she cursed his name a few times in to the empty air before turning away.

Layla's Corner

See? Look at that. I updated. Someone give this girl a cookie. I will probably have another delay in posting a chapter. I want to work on the other stories so they don't feel so neglected. I hope to have some time to write soon as I will be in Hawaii for two blissful weeks. I can't wait! I hope you enjoy and as always...

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