Chapter Twenty-Five "The Real Nightmare"

A long piece of fishing line stretches out across the living room in front of the fire where Dean hangs all the wet clothes. Crowley complains when the sleeve of Cas' red sweatshirt falls in front of the TV. It gets dark early, and the snow starts up again. Kevin brings his notebook over to the coffee table and works on some of his translations in between watching old black and white movies and drinking about a gallon of hot chocolate. The whole idea of taking a break seems to have lasted beyond their little outing in the snow. Which is just as well.

They pass the evening sort of working and mostly doing nothing. Dean has never liked doing nothing, but he can tell that everyone else needs the rest.

It's Crowley's turn to keep watch, and Kevin falls asleep on the couch, so Dean settles in on the bottom bunk of the bed in the other room. Cas comes in a little later and climbs up on the top bunk, but he doesn't go to sleep. Dean can hear the red pen scratching on the pages of the notebook Cas took up there with him. Yesterday, Dean would have thought that Cas just didn't know how to relax, but today, he knows there's more to it. Cas has got a reason to be stressed.

"Cas?" Dean says tentatively.

The pen noises stop, and a rather disheveled looking head appears over the edge of the bed, barely visible in the faint light from the living room.

"Sorry," he says. "Am I keeping you awake?"

"Kinda, but you need to sleep too."

"I will in about... six minutes."

"Six?"

"Six minutes from the time I stop talking to you."

"Okay, you have six minutes."

Six minutes later, the notebook closes, the bedposts creak, and Cas lets out a long sigh. Dean turns over on his side and closes his eyes. He lies there for a minute, expecting sleep to come, but it doesn't. Normally, all Dean needs is a flat space to fall asleep, and sometimes not even that, but tonight, it takes longer. Even after running around in the cold all morning, he still feels restless.

When Dean finally does lose consciousness, he doesn't stay out. He wakes every hour or so from hazy dreams he can't quite remember and hears Cas tossing and turning as well. He also hears strings of mumbled words that don't make any sense, but he's certain his own name is among them. It's to that constant sound that Dean finally falls into a real, deep sleep.

~oOo~

When the glow of the firelight from the living room fades into nothing, Castiel knows the time has come. He was only able to sleep for a few hours, but it's probably better that way. Everyone else is asleep, and the cabin is cold and dark. It takes some clever maneuvering to get down from the bunk bed without waking Dean, but Castiel is more agile than he seems most of the time.

He puts on his warmest clothes and packs the rest of his things in the small backpack Dean gave him. He doesn't have a lot of possessions, so it's not difficult. He makes sure that his angel blade is safely tucked into his belt and leaves his notebook on the table after taking out the pages he needs and stuffing them inside his sweatshirt.

It's a long walk into town, but there's an old pair of snowshoes amongst Rufus' old gear that still work. It takes a minute for Castiel to figure out how to put them on, but he manages. When he's finally ready to go, he feels the hesitation that has been building up all day constricting his throat. Can he really leave them like this? Can he leave Dean?

Castiel swallows hard and shoulders his pack. He has to go. To help his family. To keep Dean and the others safe. This isn't their problem, but it is all his fault, and he's the only one who can make it right. With those thoughts, he heads out the front door, careful not to make any noise until he is safely away from the cabin.

The snow has stopped, and the moon is shining, but it's so cold that Castiel soon loses feeling in his fingers and toes, even his face is starting to go numb. He decides to sing to himself to keep his mind off how miserable he is. The only songs he knows are the ones Dean is always playing in the doesn't really know what they mean, but maybe that's a good thing. It helps him push aside the doubts he has about his current course of action.

About an hour later, Castiel reaches the bus station, chilled to the bone and shaking. It's started snowing again. But there's an all night diner across from the station, and the next bus doesn't leave for a couple of hours, so Castiel goes inside and gets some coffee. It takes a good ten minutes for feeling to return to his extremities and much longer for them to stop stinging.

The tired waitress refills his coffee several times before the bus to Portland pulls in. Castiel has always liked buses for some reason. At least, since he's been using human transportation off and on for the last few years. It's still dark when he leaves, so Castiel hopes that the others haven't woken yet to find that he's gone. He won't have much of a head start, but if he gets out of the state before they know he's gone, maybe they won't be able to find him. It's best this way.

He knows he could have called Gadreel to take him anywhere, but what Castiel is going to do isn't something he can tell anyone. Even the only brother he has who doesn't want him dead. Castiel is going to fix his mistake, and he knows he has to do it alone.

~oOo~

Dean wakes to gray sunlight pouring through the window. He can see his breath in the cold room, and that doesn't seem right. It only takes a few seconds for him to be out of bed and in the living room. Crowley is asleep in the old chair, and so is Kevin. The fire has gone out, probably hours ago.

And there's something on the table that wasn't there the night before. A notebook, open to about halfway through. And a cell phone.

Dean looks at the page first to see Cas' squiggly handwriting filling up the white space.

Dean, Kevin, and Crowley,
I'm sorry to go like this. I know you'll all be wanting an explanation, but I can't give you one now. All I can say is that I have to do this, and I have to do it alone. I know you would have tried to stop me, maybe even succeeded. I couldn't risk that. This whole thing was my fault, and I'm the only one who can fix things. I'm putting all of you in danger every minute I'm with you. On the next few pages, you will find the completed perception filter spell. It will keep the angels away from you until I can put them back where they belong. I can't say that I will return once I'm finished, because I don't think I will be able to; and if I were, I'm not sure you would still want me. So, I suppose this is goodbye. Thank you for everything. Dean, thank you for giving me so many chances when I screwed up, for making me a part of your family when I lost my own. I have no illusions of ever getting them back. But I was wrong when I said they weren't still my family. I have to help them. I can't give up on them, even though I know they've given up on me. I'm sorry for bringing all this on you, and I hope you will all stay safe now that I'm gone. Please don't try to find me. There are many things for which I will never forgive myself, and I don't think I could bear to add one of your deaths to that list. I'll never forget you, and I hope you can forgive me for this and remember the good things, few as they were.
Castiel

Dean stares at the letter, but he can't believe what he's reading. It can't be right. Cas wouldn't just leave with no indication, sneaking away in the night. He wouldn't do that to Dean. That's all he can think. Never mind Kevin or Crowley. Right now, they don't matter. Dean knows the note was really for him. It's like Purgatory all over again: Cas leaving to keep Dean safe. It's insane. Doesn't he know by now that Dean is never safe?

Dean picks up the notebook and really looks at the phone for the first time. It's Cas' phone. He left it behind so they couldn't call him or track him. He really means it. He's really gone.

Dean leaves the table and walks over to the living room. Without a second thought, he takes the notebook and hits Crowley over the head with it.

"Ow!" The former demon recoils. "What the bloody hell was that for?"

"You fell asleep!" Dean doesn't realize he's shouting until the silence follows his voice.

"And that gives you the right to give me a concussion?" Crowley demands. "Nobody knows where we are, anyway."

Dean drops the notebook in Crowley's lap. "Cas is gone," he says.

By this time, Kevin has gotten up from the couch and come over to see what's going on. "Where?" he asks.

"Read it," Dean says. "And be glad I didn't hit you with the fire irons," he adds for Crowley's benefit.

Crowley grumbles as he looks at Cas' note, and Kevin reads over his shoulder.

"This doesn't make any sense," Kevin says, having finished reading first. "Why wouldn't he say anything about this?"

"Because I would have talked him out of it," Dean says, suddenly seeing things much more clearly. "He was praying to someone the night before last. Warning them to stay away. There's an angel helping him."

"And you didn't think to mention this before?" Crowley asks.

"I was hoping he would tell me what was going on. He didn't know I knew." Dean stares out the front window at the fresh snow on the ground. No footprints.

"Who would be helping him?" Kevin says. "He said his family had given up on him."

"The tall fellow," Crowley says. "Gadreel."

Dean nods. "You two make copies of that spell. I'm going to look for him."

"Look where?" Kevin asks.

"He didn't take the car," Dean replies. "And unless Gadreel came and took him, he had to walk to town."

"The former seems more likely," Crowley says.

"It's worth a shot. Just get to work on that. One copy for each of us."

"We'll take care of it," Kevin says. "Be careful out there."

Dean doesn't reply to that last part as he walks out the door. He doesn't imagine that he's ever been careful his entire life, and he doesn't plan on starting now.

I feel a little evil, but after that warm, fuzzy chapter last week, we needed something terrible to happen. And this new development has helped me figure out how to continue the story to it's conclusion, so it's all working out nicely.

In other news, I will be posting a new story, probably on Friday, so be on the lookout. The title is "Family of Blood." For more information you can check out the links to my Facebook or Twitter pages on my Fanfiction profile. I hope you guys like the new story. I'm very excited about it.

(Edit: small change to Castiel's note from the first version because of the events of the next chapter)