All right, so this is a bit different to what I normally do but I wanted to present this particular chapter in a different way to the rest of the story. I hope it's not too confusing! Also, massive apologies for the wait, I kept getting sidetracked and rewrote this because I wasn't happy with it. This is dedicated to Erica2Blue, Rose (who left the most lovely review and deserves a million hugs for making me blush so much) and to Karine who all kept reminding me to update. Thank you and I apologise again for the delay!
xx
The Magnus Estate, Oxford.
Nigel
It was odd, you know? To think about injecting yourself with... someone else's that, something else's blood. It made sense. Logically, it was the next step and, unlike Druitt and Watson, I was all right with that. Not that I didn't understand their... reluctance. I mean, this is taking things to a new level, you know? I just... I wanted to do this, I really did. I didn't doubt the science and it wasn't like I could doubt Helen, right? But... I understood why the others were less certain, you know. Druitt especially. He was... different to the rest of us. More... Well, this is gonna sound cracked but Druitt was more human than us. Not that we weren't. Human that is. We were, Helen probably more so than anyone I'd ever met but Druitt was... I dunno, more maybe? He saw things different, saw the consequences differently. Maybe more clearly too. I understood why he doubted us though. It was... just his way.
Nikola
It was far too late at night to escape being classed as a nightmarish story told to scare children. After all, there were owls in the trees outside and a ratting breeze beneath the floorboards though the air still overly warm thanks to the fire which cast odd shadows about the place. I would have laughed if it wouldn't have ruined the mood. There was something special about to happen and I did not have it in me to turn it into a joke, not now. Not that it took away from the rather ghoulish setting we'd created. Perhaps we really were the mad scientists James seemed to think we were. I was not entirely sure Helen could fall under the label but, well, I already knew Druitt thought me to be entirely mad. It had something to do with my accent, I was sure...
James
Watching was hard. I simply wasn't used to being on the sidelines. And more than that, I felt a kind of responsibility over them all. I was the eldest, the only one to have completed any kind of formal training and, in some ways, Gregory's stand in. I knew he thought I'd be able to control Helen in his absence (which was a foolish notion entirely) and, with that came the responsibility for the entire group. In some ways, I should have known that it would backfire entirely. When it came down to it, I knew the others would follow Helen's example over mine. She was... enigmatic. It was the only word for it. She had always had something more, something extra that drew people to her. We were like moths to a flame.
John
They were just being reckless. Reckless and frightening. The sheer joy in Helen's eyes made my skin crawl, a sensation I had yet to associate with the woman who had entirely stolen my heart. Normally, simply looking at her was enough to make my heart beat faster and my palms prickle but then? Watching her prepare that syringe... It was the closest thing I had ever felt to torture. She was going to come to harm, I just knew it and every cell in my body was crying out for me to tear the damn liquid away from her, to toss it into the fire. I couldn't understand why the others didn't feel the same. Surely their sense of duty required them to stand up and protect Helen? Even if it was from herself.
James
I had hoped beyond hope that the others would see reason. Nikola was, to my mind, a lost cause. He would follow Helen to the depths of Hell and back, should she so much as smile at the suggestions. But Nigel... he was stronger, more independent. Often he sided with Helen but more of actual personal conviction than blind adoration. I had so dearly hoped that, for once Nigel would side with me. I knew from the start I'd have John's support in stopping the experiment. He was just as put out by the idea as I was, if not more so. Of course, I didn't want to end it entirely, just... delay it. We need more time. More of a chance to properly assess what could happen. There was, of course, no guarantee that we'd ever understand what we were to be jumping into but... Oh, I don't know. It just wasn't right and Helen had to know that.
Helen
I could see their apprehension. It was written all over their faces. In fact, I could sense that this could all fall apart in half a second. A few well placed words would have helped, but I could not find it in myself to break the silence that had fallen. There was something almost peaceful about it. We so rarely managed actual silence. There was always... something. Whether words that needed to be said or even just the sound of instruments as we worked, there was always something. I liked the lack of silence, for the most part. My life had been so very silent until I met my boys. Growing up alone, with only my father for company on the rare occasion he was around. The maids often made for interesting chatter but none the less, my life had been virtually silent for a very long time.
Nikola
The room was so warm, I wondered how the others could stand it. It was more for show than anything, the night being so unreasonably warm but Helen had taken pleasure in setting it so I couldn't bring myself to complain about it. That and I was... excited. More than I could explain. It felt as if the world was about to shift beneath my feet as I stood perfectly still to observe it. I knew the others weren't nearly as thrilled about what was about to unfold before us but, for the most part, I didn't care. What were the non-believers to such a world of wonder? I could live quite easily if they did not follow me over the edge into our new lives. Let them dwell in the land of mere mortals as the rest of us soldiered on into a new day. I knew such statements were overly dramatic and more flamboyant than I could normally but sides of me I hardly knew existed had been awakened if only because of the sheer possibilities that were opening to us. With Helen by my side, I knew that no matter how all of this turned out, nothing could truly go wrong.
Nigel
The waiting was the worst bit. I mean, it felt like an eon had passed and we still hadn't done anything. Part of me wondered if Helen would back out. Of course, the second I had that thought, she was upon us, brandishing the full syringe as she babbled about who wanted to be the one to inject her. I wasn't exactly surprised when Nikola was the first one to volunteer. It was an odd choice, in some ways, considering Tesla's aversion to bodily contact. I remember one night when I just tried to pat him on the back (we were commiserating something, not sure what) and he actually jumped off his bloody seat. Like I had the plague or something. I dunno, he was always an odd bugger, even before I got to know him. Mind you, the fact that he was a bit of a loon didn't really bother me much. We were all pretty messed up if you ask me.
Helen
I couldn't have asked any of them outright to be the one to inject me, not really. After all, it would put too much responsibility on their shoulders. That's why I wanted a volunteer. I wasn't overly surprised when Nikola was the first to step forwards. I could see the excitement in his eye. He was either unaware of the risks or uncaring but, either way, it did not matter. For a moment, I felt guilty about using him so. After all he was such a good friend to me, in a way no one else had ever been but, in my heart, I knew taking advantage of his... perhaps naivety is not the correct word but it was all I could come up with to classify his exuberance at the time. It was an exuberance I shared but, as the time grew closer, I remember the tips of my fingers going ice cold as the smallest sliver of fear slipped into my heart. I wanted to do this more than anything but still...
John
I half thought I could see trepidation in Helen's eyes. Of course, she never showed her nerves but, in looking into her eyes, I wholeheartedly believed I could see into her soul and the unease there. She knew it was just as dangerous as I had suggested not a full day previous. More than anything I wanted to offer her an out. She deserved the chance to bow out gracefully, dignity intact. Not that she needed to worry about that; I knew none of the group would ever belittle her for stepping back and thinking a little more closely to what the consequences may be. Well, perhaps Tesla would give her a hard time but I was certain I could silence him if I needed to.
James
It was nearly impossible to watch, like some sort of explosion happening in slow motion. As Helen rolled up the sleeve of her top, baring her pale skin to the candle light, I could not help but swallow heavily, my heart beat racing. She was so meticulous about it all that I was unable to do anything but watch her as she sat herself in the chair. She fiddled with her hair and her skirts, smoothing out creases that were not there. I could tell she felt uncomfortable, nervous even but what could I have said? Any final plea for her to see reason would have only strengthened her resolve to the point where she'd do something like bathe in the damn blood. For all I love her, Helen's stubbornness extends past the point of sense.
Nikola
I was taken aback when Nigel offered to go before Helen though I knew, just as he must have, that it was a foolish sentiment. Helen would never let anyone risk themselves like this without trying it herself first. The boys drinking the blood last night was different; it was a compromise that gave them a stake in the experiment whilst leaving them able to sleep soundly knowing they'd be safe from any undue harm. It was, to me, anyway, the cowards way out. Science was supposed to involve risk, it was supposed to involve sacrifice but, to Druitt and Watson, it seemed in involved nothing more than a few passing brain cells. They saw it as a hobby but for Helen, it was her life. Much like it was mine. They simply didn't understand the drive we have.
John
It was over quicker than I anticipated. The needle slid into her skin with ease, she gasped as Tesla pressed down and then her eyes flew wide with surprise. In total, it took no more than a few seconds.
Nigel
I watched from behind it all. I didn't really know if I should intrude on what felt like a private moment for Helen. Even with Nikola holding one hand and Druitt crouched by the other, she seemed totally in her own world for a minute after it happened. Her eyes were unfocused, her jaw slack and, when she shivered, she seemed not to see the rest of us in the room with her.
Nikola
It was the only moment I doubted Helen's unwavering belief that what we were doing was right. Looking back, I'm ashamed to admit the treacherous and slightly treasonous flutter of my heart but, for one long moment, I was unsure. Her hand gripped mine with a strength not entirely her own, her eyes looking unseeing across the room. Though it was a warm evening and the fire was still roaring away in the corner, her hand was cold against mine, her skin flushed with ice. I... I was thankful that the room was full or else I'd have taken Helen into my arms at that point for... for... for I feared she was in pain.
Helen
I am not ashamed to say that it hurt.
James
My heart was in my throat as I watched but, no matter how hard I tried, I could not make myself go to her to help. Not even the thought of what Gregory would do to me if I allowed her to die like this could get me to move. Much like when she was settling herself, I was transfixed. It felt as if the entire room was holding its breath. And, to an extent, I assume we probably all were. She was out leader, our fearless and often reckless leader and we couldn't help but love her for it. To watch her like this, though, was unavoidable. Helen had always had the ability to make those around her stare without so much as blinking. It was just her way.
John
I didn't breath until she managed to look me in the eye. In fact, even then, I was not entirely sure if we were out of the woods. After all, what we were doing had no precedent. We had not practice the method and there had been no discussion of what was to happen afterwards. How were we to take care of her? How were we to know what was a sign of good and what meant we ought to send for a carriage to take her to a hospital? We had no plan and, I think, no idea of what we were to unleash.
Nikola
My heart was beating a mile a minute. To be honest, I don't quite understand that turn of phrase but, being one I'd heard from Helen on occasion, I thought it to be fitting. But yes, either way, my heart rate was elevated, probably to dangerous levels. I think it was a even mix of fear and elation. Mostly elation, of course. And I could see the same mix in Helen. Her grip on my hand was tight and I could tell she would have been trembling otherwise. I liked to think that it meant she needed me more than the others though I didn't let myself dwell on the idea. After all, there were more important things to worry about. For example, how long Helen would make us wait for our turns.
Nigel
She was bonkers. Actually cracked. Probably a genius too, I was smart enough to realise that but... God. I don't know why it took me so long to realise it, considering some of the things she'd suggested over time but it sort of hit me, I suppose. But the even stranger thing was, I loved it. It was Helen's way, I guess. She made things that rational people would consider foolish seem like the most natural thing in the world to do. Just watching her as she processed what had happened to her, made me eager to continue, to take my place where she now sat. This plunge was one that I again wanted to take, regardless of the fact that we had no idea what was actually happening to her.
Helen
By the time the cold passed, I remembered to breathe once more. I knew my hand was clutching a little too tightly to Nikola's but, from the look in his eye, I could tell he understood why I subconsciously anchored myself to a piece of reality. In many ways, it was a half magical experience, if not slightly... unpleasant. Not that I had experienced any serious discomfort. The best comparison I could manage is that it felt as if I was in a blizzard, with nothing more than a cotton slip to protect me though it lasted for barely a second. For such a short period of time, it felt rather monumental. It was as if the world changed in that fleeting moment and my eyes were closed as it happened. Something intangible and beautiful had happened to me, around me, and I had just about missed the moment itself.
Nigel
I was not surprised when I half had to fight Nikola for the next go.
Helen
I should have known poor Nigel never stood a chance against Nikola's enthusiasm
James
I knew the other two would want to just jump straight in, without stepping back to watch Helen for any signs of danger. And I knew Helen would support their want wholeheartedly. After all, where there was trouble to be had, Helen was not far behind.
John
To my mind, it was too late for all of them now. I didn't really care whether Tesla and Griffin went through with it at that point. All I could focus on was Helen.
James
After Helen, the act seemed to lose its sense of importance somewhat. Well, almost. I still feared for the others, there was no change in that.
Nikola
To be honest, I barely felt the prick. It was after that was of particular note, even if it lasted only a few moments.
Nigel
Watching Tesla made me anxious all over again but, as Helen ushered my into the seat and readied the final syringe, I took comfort in her... normalcy. Not that Helen is ever particularly normal, but she didn't seem any worse for wear. In fact, there was a glow about her that I guessed came from the residual excitement. A less intelligent man would have said she was in love with a man but I knew it was the work that had her heart.
Nikola
I think we were all a little unsure of what to do once it was all finished with.
Helen
I could see James just about to suggest the one thing I had insisted upon the night before and, though I had no want of his concern, I was not certain I could win the argument.
James
She went without a fight which I found a little astounding. It made me wonder if perhaps the serum they'd injected was already working to alter her in some strange way.
Nigel
Tired wasn't the right word to explain my state of mind at the time. It was well past 2 in the morning and I knew physically I needed rest but perhaps it was the niggling fear at what we'd just done. Either way, even once they bundled us up into beds in the infirmary, I couldn't sleep for the life of me. Instead I had a craving for a large glass of Dr. Magnus' good brandy that was hidden away in the library.
John
I volunteered to take the first watch, not because I was awake enough to do the task properly but because I could not climb into my bed, knowing that Helen was down there, suffering through horrors unknown.
Nikola
It was strange but, while I lay awake, staring at the damp stone ceiling above my bed, all I could think about was that less than 24 hours ago, I was holding Helen in my arms. It seemed a dream to think she'd come to me willingly. Even more so that she'd allowed herself to wake there too. The beds were too narrow to accommodate more than one body at a time and I knew, with two other witnesses around, I had no chance of coercing her into a repeat performance however desperately I may have wanted to.
Helen
If I could have closed the gap between our beds, I'd have taken Nikola's had in an instant. For all we'd taken the plunge as a group, I felt suddenly as if I was all alone and wanted desperately for another human beings presence close by my side. Instead I had to settle for shifting beneath the thick blankets and turning to watch the others in the room.
Nigel
Druitt had taken up vigil by the door, hunched into his seat as he surveyed us all with dark eyes. Beside him was the only candle in the damn room, casting barely enough light for me to make out where Tesla lay in the bed beside me and where Helen slept on the other side of the room, her bed pressed against the wall. James always had had a strange sense of propriety, especially when it came to Helen and I thought it was a little unfair that she was forced to sleep so far from the rest of us. I couldn't have been the only one who wanted a little more company around me, could I?
John
I am ashamed to admit that I had no intention of waking James later to take over for me. In fact, I was waiting for both Tesla and Griffin to fall asleep so that I could speak with Helen for a moment alone. Not that we could be truly alone. It was sentiment, more than anything else. Needless to say, I was more than disappointed when I found her sound asleep just minutes later.
Nikola
All I know is, one minute I was watching Helen's shoulders rise and fall as her breath evened out and the next, I was gasping awake with a start to find the sunrise streaming in through the single window above Helen's bed.
Nigel
I didn't dream, I don't think I even moved. It was like... It was night and suddenly morning.
Helen
And then it was morning, what else can I say?
Meanwhile:
Port of Dover.
Gregory Magnus
I wish I could say I knew I was too late. I wish I could say that I had some kind of strange sense that my daughter needed me. I wish I'd known spending two weeks meandering my way back to Oxford was a foolish choice. I wish I could say that I was there in time to stop her. But, alas, I must put it down to another of my failings as a father. I did not know what Helen had planned. I did not know that she needed me there to make clear the mistake she was making. I did not know there was even a need to be there to stop her. In retrospect, I can safely say that I knew nothing of my daughter. Or perhaps that is not entirely true. I knew nothing of what she was capable. In fact, I underestimated her. And I underestimated just how much like her mother she was when she became fixed to an idea. It was stubbornness to the point of danger. And while I would always love her for the independent side she had always clung to, I wish I had known that I was too late the moment I stepped into England once more. I wish I had known. I wish it had been within my power to stop her. Because, while I wanted her to blossom and grow as a young woman and a scientist, I wanted her to be safe more than anything. She could run her own experiments, she could even take charge of our little abnormal sanctuary should the need arise but, in so many ways, she was still just a girl. Just a little girl with little understanding of what the world could inflict on her.
She was just my little girl.
And I had failed to protect her.
God forgive me.