Please read A/N at the end of the chapter.

Warning: Unedited and Drug Use

Chapter 25: At the Top of the Bastardized World

"I see the world with a sense of humor; Spontaneous, Free, with a form of expression" -Cao Fei, Artist

PSA's warned me not to do things like this. My parents, married or separated, have threatened me not to acquaint myself with such activities. The lady from the starchy building told me to do better, giving me pamphlets in the process. All these people who loved me and cared deeply about me, for some reason, no longer mean anything to me anymore. Whoever I loved, Marie, Stein, Ragnarok, their contorted faces of pity and worry no longer meant anything.

It's 5:45 am, dark and light rain tapped at my bedroom window. Around this time I would be frustrated that I didn't get enough sleep and maybe a throbbing headache, but this morning I'm content. The prickling of rain at my window gave an underwater effect. The dark grey-blue hue of the morning was so beautiful, I think I was crying.

There was no rushing, no rapid beating of my heart or the feeling of my body moving. There was no sense of reality. Instead, I felt warmth surge through my forearms and through my chest, like taking cough medicine before bed. Everything was so smooth and so slow that I felt that I didn't have to worry about waking up in three hours for school. Those three house felt like it I would never reach until never. My eyelids felt so droopy, I wondered if my eyes were actually open. There were fuzzy images but I assumed those were dreams. Everything was so calm and lush feeling, but at the same time, I didn't feel anything at all.

'Ding'

'Ding'

'Ding'

"Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding!" My patience lagged and I burst into a fit of anger. Without my little scratches and pinching, there was no way I would survive the next five minutes. I paced, rubbing my hands rapidly. My heart in my throat as I choked down dry saliva. This felt worse than being humiliated by the girl gang. Worse than being rejected the motherly love of my adopted mother. The need to scratch at my arms and pinch little scabs threw me into a panicked frenzy.

"That stupid Ding!" My voice was unfamiliar to my ears. Like I was a screeching set of bald tires on asphalt. I grasped my hair and tugged, strands of hair remained tangled between my fingers as I brought my hands down to rub my face and squeezed my throat.

'Ding'

'Ding'

I checked my laptop three times. I threw my phone in the toilet. I slammed the doors and screamed in each room. What was happening to me?

'Ding-Ding'

The last ring, I recognized as the door bell. I stood at the top of the stairs, running my fingers through my hair in attempt to fix it, I hurried to the bottom. I wrenched the front door open.

"Sorry I took so long. I had another customer." His voice was gravel and eyes a piercing amber, I found comfort in his sour attitude. "You okay? You look like you ran a marathon."

"Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking." My laugh was breathless. I pulled out an envelope from my pocket and handed it to him.

"Tell my crazy Nephew that he's in deep shit with the widow." He laughed a smoker's laugh and handed me a small jewelry box. "Which means you probably won't see him for a few days, just to warn you."

I nodded and thanked him. He continued his laughter and roughly rubbed the top of my head, tangling my pink hair. "Rag doesn't know of this."

He was quiet then shook his head. "Not my problem."

I have become a bitter person since Ragnarok discovered my habit of self-mutilation. He did everything in his power to prevent me from hurting myself. Its really sweet of him, but him poking his nose into my business like that really hit the last of my nerves. Fortunately, I took it out on Maka.

"Crona. We've been friends for years." The innocence dripped from her voice like like vomit on the rim of a toilet. "I barely noticed that you're left handed!"

"Oh. Uh, thank you?" I glanced up at her wide green eyes.

"Its weird, don't you think so? A lot of our classmates are right handed, and those who are left handed are usually the black sheep. So most of them practice with their right hand."

"I'm content in being left handed." I sighed.

"Left handed people are at a high risk of mental problems, like depression and schizophrenia."

I saw through her facade. She spoke as one kind of person, one kind of power and one kind of mindset. Even if my belly felt warm and my mind was fuzzy, I was not going to sit there and let her tell me that I was crazy.

"Maka, you have to understand that I write with my left hand and wipe with my right." The last five words slipped out. A whimper threatened to leave my throat but I swallowed.

Maka's green eyes bugged out of her skull. "W-what?"

The contort of confusion on Maka's face gave me the confidence to stand up to her.

"I understand that you can't stand my smell, but I can reassure you that I will not bring down your social values. The only person who can bring yourself down is you." With that said, I stood from the table and exited the library. I should've been smiling with glee or calling Ragnarok but instead, I slipped another lemon tasting candy between my lips and sighed with relief.

As bitter as i became, I found relief in a new habit. It was lemon tasting and looked like cough drops. In the lemon flavored drop was something that gave me the same euphoria that self mutilation gave me. With the help of Ragnarok's uncle, I was able to obtain as much lemon candy as I wanted and remain happy.

A/N:

Hello my Doves! I know, I know, its been months since I've last updated. Things really went downhill for me and its been a hard climb back up, who knows, I may still be tumbling down. I'm working hard and trying my best to keep myself up, but for the time being, I will go on HIATUS until May 2016. Please note that May 2016 may not be an official thing but keep your fingers crossed. Review! Its wonderful seeing reviews!

Disclaimer: I do not own Soul Eater