The Sequel: Chapter XXV (Current Mood: Parmesan)

(Author's Note)

I opened a deviantART account, in case anybody cares. Find me under the name "cyh-anide". Hope to see my precious readers there! (I'll mention this again at the end, in case people ignore my A/Ns)

Anyway, it's February, and the temperature is 85 F...I'm SO moving to Alaska. (Edit: Actually, it's now March...) (sigh) I never thought I would say it, but I miss England. I owe my writing obsession to that place.

EVERYBODY!! SAY THANK YOU TO ENGLAND! (angry face)

This chapter dedicated to buyokitty for staying with me so long and reviewing every chapter thus far. Special thanks to Basket and BASH for pitching ideas! You guys rock so hard. (Huh..that DOES sound wrong, doesn't it? I was right.) Extra special thanks to Aonadharcach for being so nice to this lonely author. I need more readers like you. TT.TT

As a present, and because I'm a shameless review-whore, this chapter is in Yumoa's POV.

CAN YOU TAKE IT?! CAN YOU REALLY?! WILL YOUR MIND SURVIVE?!

Quote(s) of the Day: "Ultimate love is cannibalism."—Richard Matheson (?)

"Hyde is Love...and Love is a psychopath." (Oh, how true that is.)—Jackman's Mommy, "Jekyll" on BBC.

"Scariness...your butt hole just spit in your pants."—Dark Lotus, (song) "Cripple and Rape Me"

"Writing is a matter of finding the appropriate balance between dinosaurs and sodomy."—Michael Swanwick

Savant: Absurdist Irrationalization (A/N: I'm not sure if "irrationalization" is a word, but if it isn't, it should be."

(Terra Īnsolēns) (Latin Translation: Bizarre Territory—Yes, "insolent" can be construed to mean "bizarre".)

"They're spending an awful lot of time in there," Bob commented to me as we sat in the hall between Sanzo's room and Kon and Lyds' room. It had been necessary to change all of the locks on the doors in order to keep the parties from escaping into the unknown. The scent of Nepenthe still hung in the air, making my nose tingle and prolonging the fugue. I had tried to sleep, but I was too worried, and the dimensionally misplaced people kept shouting for me to let them use the bathroom.

So now I was here, thinking about what to do about all of this.

"If Lyds forgot how to be mean, then Kon's probably having the time of his life right now," I argued lightly. "I can't just barge in, can I?"

"Why not?" The bunny looked up at me, probably making a skeptical face, though it was hard to tell with all the plush fur and steel plating in the way.

"Look, I've done it before, barging in when Kon's with a girl, and I gotta say, it's kind of embarrassing." Poor guy threw a fit every time, though I didn't really get what the big deal was.

Bob grunted. "I take it you're not referring to your own embarrassment?"

"Huh? Why should I be embarrassed? What Kon does is normal, right? If not a little excessive...I'm sure girls like flowers, too."

"You're a complete basket case, my friend." Bunny shook his head and folded his stumpy little arms. "Anyway, I think I hear Gojyo and Goku fighting again. Does that mean they're destined to battle incessantly? I mean, there's no memory between them—clean slate, as they say—so shouldn't there be more curiosity than anything else?"

I cocked my ear towards the second door to my right and sighed at the rumbling noise generated by two intensely battling youkai. "Just be thankful that Goku has his limiter on. It would be a pain in the butt to fix him if something happened. I wish they hadn't gotten the rooms switched around, but it's too late now."

What I really worried about were the clones. They were like Kon and me—carved from the stuff of gods. They still remembered everything. That put Lydia in a vulnerable position, especially since it seemed like she was a normal woman without those memories of her childhood. Lydia was the main reason why I had insisted on coming along in the first place. I was happy that she didn't remember all that pain, but still...she wasn't really Lydia anymore without them.

Kon was an idiot. In two years, the only progress he had made in tempering Lydia's rage was to let it grow on him into something completely unhealthy. Masochism...stupid, stupid cousin of mine. Without me around to pop in whenever Lydia was beyond his control, Kon would have become little more than taxidermy a long time ago. Now that there were clones of us running rampant like me after a Slurpee, and especially with this Nepenthe incident, it was my job to protect my family.

But Bob had a good point. Kon was taking way to long, and I needed his assistance if everyone wanted remember who they were. It was only a matter of time before Goku's limiter came off in a fight, or Sanzo rediscovered his bottomless pit of hatred for all mankind along with his Banishing Gun.

(Meanwhile...The Monk Finds Himself—and a Gun) (In Sanzo's POV, since it's better that way.)

I stared at the ceiling, willing even the tiniest hint as to what was going on to appear before me.

Nothing.

Absurd. This was ridiculous beyond belief.

It was hard to breathe, and my fingers kept twitching at random, as though I was supposed to be doing something, but I couldn't remember what that was, or why I wanted to do it so badly.

And what was with this getup? Robes? Really, now. And that scroll. I could sense that there was something important about it, but I couldn't quite seem to reach that answer, either.

Gods, I needed a smoke.

I blinked in surprise and sat up quickly. That was it! I needed a smoke!

All right, now we were getting somewhere.

I didn't even have to think about what I was doing. My hands automatically reached into one sleeve and withdrew a pack of Marlboro reds and a lighter, igniting the end with the familiar ease of years of years of experience. That first intake...ahhh...one necessity taken care of.

As I reached back to replace the paraphernalia, I felt something dry and stiff, and with a small tug I pulled a long paper fan out.

Wait. That didn't make any sense at all! How did it fit in there?! And why were there strips of lead between the paper?!

Okay, calm down...whoever I am...

This was getting to be a little irritating.

I glanced over and found a mirror hanging over the sink in the bathroom, and walked over to stare hard at my reflection.

Hmm...not bad. Not bad at all. But what was my motivation? Why was I here? Clearly, it was a rest stop of some kind. I could hear noises coming from the rooms on either side, but didn't recognize them. It sounded like someone was inciting a war on one side, and arguing with herself on the other. There was something vaguely irritating about both, as though some part of me wanted to shoot whoever it was making all that racket.

Shoot? Odd, but that idea made me feel so...peaceful...

Clearly, I was insane. Why would I enjoy hurting people?

I looked in the mirror again, and realized that I was glaring at myself—glaring as though the person on the other side had done something heinous and unforgivable to someone important to me. This was strange, too. I tried to smile, but I didn't seem to recall how that worked, and ended up looking somewhat nauseated.

Ugh. This was so stupid. I needed a drink. Maybe an alcohol-induced coma would fix whatever was wrong with my brain.

It was a better plan than any, but when I tried to leave the room, I found that the door wouldn't even budge. Was I trapped? Was there a key I needed? Or had someone kidnapped me and caused this whole ordeal?

Deep down, something in the back of my head was telling me to hate people with black hair and blue-green eyes.

Strange. This was beginning to annoy me beyond reason, and with an appropriate scowl, I returned to the bed and sat heavily.

"Tired..." I muttered darkly, leaning back on my hands and wondering why the sound of the rain made my insides twist around in knots.

Something cold touched my fingertips, and I looked down to see a little snub-nosed revolver peeking out from beneath the sheets.

Ah. So that was why I wanted to shoot the noisemakers next door.

"How good a shot am I, I wonder...?" I mused aloud, wrapping my hand around the shiny weapon and finding a twisted sort of pleasure in it. I took another drag and set the cigarette on an empty saucer on the windowsill--the ashtray was full.

I was bored. Time for some target practice, and first to go was that mirror...

(Geography Lesson)

BLAM! BLAM! KAPOW! ZZZING! FSHHH...

I frowned in suspicion at Sanzo's door. "Ah, there's the gun. Not good. I've jinxed us all..."

"What the hell were those other sounds?!" Borgie demanded frantically, waving his arms in a blur as though it were something important.

I gave him a look. "Who cares? It could be aliens, for all we know. I'm not opening that door, though I think I should probably start reallocating my savings account money in case we need to head for the border." Ah, what a mess.

"WHAT BORDER?!" the bunny cried, his priorities all out of order.

"Mexico, duh," I replied, getting up with a sigh and folding my arms across my chest in thought. "Think Rio de Janeiro is nice this time of year?"

"THAT'S IN BRAZIL!!" If it were possible, I wouldn't have been surprised to see veins pop out of his little fuzzy forehead.

"Oh, you worry too much." I gave him a hug.

"Damn you and your carefree, moronic outlook on life."

I twitched involuntarily, then grabbed him by his little bunny neck and pinned him to a wall. "Cursing is not permitted," I growled darkly.

"Gah! Understood!" He wiggled helplessly, trying to get enough leverage with his one steel arm to dislodge my hand. "I apologize!"

I smiled brightly and gave him another hug. "Good bunny! Now, about that getaway...does Rio have that bull run any time soon? "

"You missed our destination by an entire continent," he muttered. "The bull run is in Pamplona, Spain, idiot"

I ignored him and thought some more. "Aw, but I'll feel guilty..." I pouted at Bob, and he eyed me cautiously. "Think we should get Kon after all? I mean, I know he's busy, but this is important enough, isn't it?"

"No. We should totally abandon your friends and run away to Rio de Janeiro—which, by some convoluted method of analysis, you seem to think is in either Europe or Mexico...OF COURSE WE SHOULD GET KON!" He panted briefly, exhausted by his own outburst. "Anyway! Go kick him in the head or something and throw him in a frozen lake, 'cause we got work to do, and that horndog is our only hope because you're utterly useless!"

"Roger that, Bun-Bun." I saluted him, then marched down the hall to Kon's room.

"Oh, and would you just call me Frank like I asked?"

"That's a negative, soldier! We are at war, and you are Commando Bob!"

"That doesn't even make sense! Am I an action figure?!"

I smirked, a beautiful idea popping into my head. "Hold on...let's postpone our tour and go Christmas shopping!"

He was silent for a moment, then muttered weakly, "Look, I realize that I'm probably speaking some dialect of Tongues that you with your Deified brain cannot comprehend, but you're a GREEK GOD. Christmas?! Are you broken? Really, I'd like to know. Or deranged, maybe? I can't think of any other explanation!"

I sighed, pausing at Kon's door and considering the narrow possibility that Bob was right. "Okay, we'll wait for December like all the rest of those procrastinating fools. I just thought it would be fun. Our tinsel got all melted last year."

"Your fault for putting two hundred feet of incandescent bulbs on a five-foot tree."

"Hey, it was cool, though."

"It was so bright that we couldn't even look at it, and most of the presents got singed."

"So?"

"So..." He paused to stare at me for some time, then shook his oversized head and made an impatient noise. "Never mind. Get Kon before something shiny catches your eye and renders you utterly useless."

"Silly Borgie Bunny Bob."

"GET KONRAN NOW!" he shrieked.

I winced at the loud noise, then decided that it was best not to point out how stress would send him to an early grave. "Fine, I'm goin', I'm goin'."

(Meanwhile...Someone is Confused)

Having realized that he wasn't making any progress lying on the bed, Hakkai decided to makes some tea and sip thoughtfully as he sat at the breakfast table in his room. It had been an hour, yet no recollection of who, what, or where he was seemed imminent. There were disturbing noises of people shouting and fighting next door, but the only clue he had was a nagging feeling that he should probably go and quell the argument.

It wasn't his business, however, so why should he care?

Frowning, he set down the cup and rested his chin on laced fingers, staring at the wall clock as it ticked past ten PM.

"Well, I suppose it's too late to do anything right now," he mused, getting up to set his half-finished tea on the kitchenette counter and heading for the turned-out bed. "I'll figure it out in the morning."

With that thought in mind, he set his monocle on the bedside table and went straight to sleep, completely oblivious to the dire situation at hand.

(Intrusion)

It was showtime, and without knocking—I found that I got better results when there was some factor of surprise—I flung the door to Lyds' and Kon's room open wide and marched in.

"KOOOOOONNNNNNRRRRRAAAAANNNNNN!! I GOTTA TALK TOOOOOOO YOOOOUUUU—WHUMP! —oww!" A supersonic pillow missile immediately struck me in the face and formed around my head like concrete. Stupid Tempurpedic...

"Can't you see that we're a little busy?!" my cousin's voice seethed from somewhere beyond the memory foam which had me in its tenacious clutches.

"Tch." I peeled the pillow off my face and tossed it out the door, frowning hard at Chaos. Lydia was huddled behind him, covering herself with a blanket and looking more than a little freaked out. My cousin still had his pants on...

"Yumoa. What...do...you...WANT?!" he snapped in a rage.

I glanced at Bob, but he wasn't going to move for them, so I met Kon's gaze, propped my hands on my hips, and said flatly, "The misplaced troops are frightened, Goku and Gojyo are reenacting Antietam with a two-man crew, Hakkai is confused, and Sanzo's cellular memory has turned him into an alien-possessed killing machine. Please take responsibility."

He blinked, then replied with equal frankness, "I know, and I won't. I'm busy. Now make yourself scarce. You're scaring Lydia."

"It is a dark day when Lydia fears me," I sighed, gesturing towards his state of dress. "Your pants are still on. Foreplay doesn't count, my friend. I'm sure that empty shell of a girl can handle an hour of solitude while you manage the Nepenthe that's floating around."

"Empty...what?" For a moment, I thought he would burst into flame under the influence of his own anger. "Take that back!"

"No, and I do not envy you the pain she will bring when she regains her memories and personality," I rejoined. "Kon, although I know that's Lydia, she feels more like the Lydiclone right now. That's twisted, even for you. Have you no self-respect? Have you no respect for her?" I shook my head adamantly. "I usually let it slide, but I can't this time. Get out there and help me, or I'll make you rue the day you were conceived."

Ah. Fear. It had been a few hundred years since the last time I made him afraid of me. I wasn't a violent person, but I wasn't just an idiot who stood by while terrible things happened, either...and I especially wasn't going to allow my best friend to hurt Lydia. She could take care of herself most of the time, but to think that he would exploit her at her weakest. It made me kind of mad.

"You have three seconds, or I'm coming over there and taking you by force," I muttered.

"I'msosorryIhavetogoI'llbebackassoonaspossible!" he cried unintelligibly, leaping out of bed and kissing Lyds' cheek quickly, before ushering me out the door with him and locking it tightly. Last I saw, Lydia looked as though a flying saucer had swooped down and abducted him. "Okay! I'm here!" he panted, pulling his arm through the neck of a sweater and struggling with the resulting entrapment.

I grinned. "You know, it's kind of sad that you're our leader when I'm the one with all the power."

He was in a terrible mood. "Shut up. You're damn creepy, that's what you are."

My grin broadened. "Cursing, eh?" He was being ridiculous. "What have I said about saying things like that in my presence?" I hissed, giving him an angry glare.

He cringed and backed away, finally fixing his clothes. "All RIGHT! Ye Zeus, you're such a schizophrenic demon sometimes—you're aware of this, correct?"

"Quite proud of it, actually. That way, I can have lots of friends and still keep you in line." I frowned a little. "Really, though, I thought you were better than that, Kon. She loves you for real, and this is what you do when she's out of her right mind? That's almost like cheating..."

"Are you going to send me on a guilt trip to Tartarus or are you going to fill me in on this Nepenthe situation?" he demanded.

"Oh, I'm sure you can manage the guilt trip on your own," I laughed. "Anyway, yes, about the Nepenthe. I've got everybody locked in, so it's mostly contained, but Sanzo has his gun, and the red-head and monkey still hate each other."

"Their names are Gojyo and Goku, you idiot," he sighed in exasperation.

"I know, but 'red-head and monkey' just paints such a hilarious picture in the mind. Like 'Carrot Top versus Angry Baboon' or something along those lines."

"You may be the only person I know who looks at the world from that unique perspective," he disdained.

"At least I'm not 'Mr. Happy-Pants who can't control himself even when his fiancée is in danger'," I countered. "Pathetic. Go do something helpful before my shame for you grows to be too much to bear."

"There's just no winning against you, is there?!" he growled, spinning on his heel and stalking down to the last of our rooms. "I'll need some of Charon's antidote—and a spray bottle. I don't think Sanzo will drink it of his own volition, so I'll just pretend he's a persistent cat or something..." That idea seemed to get him in a better mood, at least.

"Gotcha!" I closed my eyes and felt for a weak point in the fabric of reality, then pushed my way through and slipped down the dimensional shortcut like a roller coaster ride. "Wheeeeee!" Bob and I shouted gleefully. I loved taking the shortcuts. It was pitch-black, but I could sense where the turns were and directed myself accordingly towards the gates to Tartarus.

(Carrot Top versus Angry Baboon) (A/N: I couldn't help myself. I love that image, too...)

"I don't know who the hell you are, but there's no way in hell I'm sharing a room with a little kid!" declared Gojyo, putting up his fists and taking a fighting stance on the second bed. "Get out! This is MY room, you little twerp!" Somewhere in the back of his head, he pined for a sharp weapon, but couldn't seem to figure out why that would be so urgent.

"Who're ya callin' a twerp, jackass?!" Goku demanded—though he had no idea that his name was Goku. "I was here first! Why don't YOU get out, huh?!" He was on the coffee table, crouched low for a pounce similar to that of a rabid macaque. It felt comfortable, though he still sensed that something was missing from his arsenal. A stick, maybe...or claws...

This nagging sensation made him uneasy for several reasons.

"How are you so sure you were here first?" retorted the kappa who didn't know he was a kappa, and felt rather mysteriously uncomfortable with the fact that the monkey wasn't addressing him thus. "We woke up at the same time! I'll beat your ass, you little punk! Don't think I won't!"

"We'll see about that!" the amnesiac Sage cried, leaping from the table and flying straight for the water sprite.

At the same moment, Gojyo sprang forward with a flying kick, but though he caught the monkey in the ribs, his opponent grabbed his leg and twisted him in mid-air, throwing him into the wall and knocking the tasteless, generic prints from their hooks. Monkey, kappa, and prints all came crashing to the hardwood floor with a great racket, awakening the guests below.

However, the guests were too afraid of what kind of monster was lumbering around upstairs to even call the front desk and complain. Within moments, the entire second floor was filled with grown adults cowering under their bedsheets like frightened children hiding from the monster in the closet.

Thus they would remain, until either the combatants exhausted themselves—unlikely, considering their genetics—or were stopped by an outside influence. Within a month, the hotel's reservations would dwindle significantly and cause a brief recession in the local economy as the tourist branch of its industry dropped off the map under the influence of monster sightings.

However, in time, things would pick up again as supernatural fanatics began scouting the area for glimpses into the unknown.

For now, though, the 'monsters' were too busy trying to kill each other to worry about economics, and therefore continued their skirmish without restraint.

(To Hell in a Hand Basket...or a Straw...Take Your Pick)

FWOOMP!

After three minutes on the ride of the millennium, we reached our destination at last. Tartarus wasn't hot, the way most people imagined a Hell would be. Actually, Hades—or Pluto, as the Romans like to call him—really liked it cold, and kept the air conditioner as low as possible. I shivered in the chill, wondering about his electricity bill and regretting briefly that I hadn't brought a parka along as I headed towards the Gates.

Cerberus had been sleeping, and when I approached he lifted his enormous heads and gave me a bleary look. "Oh, hey, Comedy. What're ya doin' here?" his deep, gravelly voice greeted, coming from all three heads at once in puffs of steam—three-point-one stereo plus fog machine. He was a portable dance club, and about as much fun when the right mood struck him.

I waved and trotted over to pat the first head to bow low enough. "Hiya, Cerberus. Chaos sent me. Somebody's been in the Lethe again, and they played a dirty trick on my friends."

A pensive rumble emanated from his expansive chest, and he slowly got up and sat back on his haunches. "Actually, there was a strange visitor just the other day. Threw Pluto into a fit when he found out, but the guy gave me a cow, so I couldn't argue with that kinda hospitality, ya know?"

That piqued my curiosity. "Really? D'you know who it was, 'cause my cousin will probably wanna find out. The culprit got Lyds with the Nepenthe, and, well, he gets into kind of a scary place when she's in trouble...if he's not busy being a lecherous idiot, of course."

"Yeah...his reputation is worse than the Hydra's, actually," he muttered, scratching behind the left head's ear with a hind leg. "Well, the visitor wasn't one of us Greco-Romans, that's for sure. Had a salty, ocean smell, so I'll take a guess and say one of Odin's boys."

"Odin?" I frowned deeply. "That doesn't make sense. The Norse gods don't usually come to Tartarus unless there's a meeting."

Cerberus shrugged shoulders fifteen feet above. "That's just how he smelled. The Hindus avoid us completely, those quirky Judo-Christian religions pretend we don't exist, Buddhists are a lot more humble, and those eight million or so Shinto gods smell like incense."

"I see...I need to tell Chaos. The Norse gods can be a handful."

He chuckled, and the ground beneath me vibrated. "You should know, shouldn't you? At least you didn't turn out like Hel or Fenrir."

I grimaced. My dad Loki, the Trickster, was probably one of the least-liked Norse gods amongst the Greeks. At some point, my mom Philotes, Goddess of Friendship, had decided that Higeki and I should grow up under her care and kept me away from my father's negative, party-going influence. Good call, but it hadn't been easy even then. Tragedy and I had always been somewhat outcast. Only Chaos had been open to befriending the son of the Trickster. He'd been under Aunt Aphrodite's care while Order preferred living with Aries.

Order was worse than Chaos in a lot of ways...which was why we pretended that she had never existed ever since Akhlys decided to get rid of her for us.

"Do you..." I trailed off in uncertainty, then took a deep breath and asked anyway, "Cerberus, do you think it was my father who came in? Is there any possibility?"

"Hmm...he was clever, so there's a good chance that it was him. He's not a pureblood god, though, so I don't know what kind of trick he used to get into Hades."

"He's Loki. That's a special brand of power right there," I sighed, suddenly kind of muddled. I didn't know how to feel about the thought of my father getting into more trouble with the Greeks. I didn't need the ostracism, and neither did my little sister, but some part of me wanted to see him again. He was my dad, after all. That was important to me.

"Anyway, buck up, kid," the giant, three-headed dog said dismissively. "You can find Charon on this side of the Styx. He's on his lunch break."

I put on a smile, thankful to the beast for being so nice to me all the time—Kon usually got chased around for a bit, then snatched by the scruff and tossed into the boat half a mile away. Cerberus thought he was being playful—Kon thought the hound was out to get him. My cousin was terrible at relationships. I was surprised that swine weren't fluttering through the frozen spires of that other Hell, considering how well things were going with Lydia.

It was yet another reason why I had to hurry and get back: to make sure he didn't end up destroying a miracle.

"Thanks, Cerberus!" I said gratefully. "Tell Tragedy I dropped by, would you? I miss having her around."

"Will do, Comedy." He chuckled again as I ran off towards Charon's pier, and settled back down to doze again as peacefully as a five-ton Hound of Hades was capable of.

When I found that wiry old soul, Charon was just putting his things away and preparing to open up shop again. There was a long line of milling, impatient souls stretched from the entry point to the small door in the gate, chatting about loved ones left behind or fiddling with their coins. I had to be quick.

"Charon!" I called as I drew close enough.

The grizzled old Ferryman looked up at me, standing tall and proud despite his geriatric state. "Oh? Why, hello there, Comedy. I have to open the gate soon, so you'll have to be quick."

"I know." I came to a stop a few feet away and asked quickly, "Do you have any of that Nepenthe antidote on you? There's been an incident, and some of my friends are currently experiencing a minor fugue."

He thought for a moment, then began fishing though several dozen pockets located in various places throughout his long black robe. "Let's see...I keep one or two on me at all times in case one of the minor gods down here decide to toy with me...ah! Here's one." He withdrew a small vial shaped like a pear, and the acid green liquid inside fizzed as it was jostled around. "It's the concentrate, though, so you'll need to add water. A one-to-ten ratio is the optimum for humans."

I gratefully took the proffered vial. "What about youkai? They're kind of like demons, I guess..." Actually, I wasn't sure what the heck Gojyo and the others were, but that was as accurate as I could get.

"A three-to-ten ratio should do the trick. Who got into the Lethe, by the way?" He gave me a questioning look, and I shrugged helplessly.

"No idea. Cerberus says it was a Norse god or someone from that side. It might even have been my dad..."

Charon frowned in concern. "Hmm...Loki, eh? That's trouble, right there. Make sure you keep this stuff handy, just in case the troublemaker decides to make a second attempt."

"Will do. I gotta run, so I'll let you get back to work. Chaos owes you one!" I called, sprinting back to the main gate and waving behind me as he smiled in amusement at my rush.

"Be careful, kid!" he replied with a chuckle.

I laughed and called another thanks to Cerberus as I sped by, to which he twitched an ear and rumbled his farewell.

I was still running as fast as I could when I called up the dimensional path and dove through, taking the return trip back to Togenkyo. Hopefully, things hadn't gone completely insane in my absence.

(Waiting Game)

Konran sat. It was all he could really do. Yumoa was most likely to get past Cerberus sans mangling, whereas the enormous hound would worry poor Chaos until he couldn't see straight.

"This is kind of boring," complained the Lydiclone as she sat on her side of the queen-size she was sharing with the Klone. Solitus had argued, but, being a man of somewhat docile nature, he gave up after laying down the rule that under no circumstances was she to cross the middle line or steal the blankets. Regina was familiar with Solitus' Fist of Rage, and kept diligently to her side.

"It's not as though we can do anything else," Kon sighed, frowning slightly when Harry gave him desperate eyes from his hog-tied position on the floor. "Don't tell me you gotta pee again..."

Harry looked away, embarrassed.

"Damn it all..." With a soft growl he got up, untied the kid, and shooed him to the bathroom. "If you try anything at all, I'll have Regina use you as a stool, got that?"

Harry nodded quickly, then rushed inside and locked the door.

"Thus passes the glory of wizards," Chaos mock-lamented, sitting back down and pouting at nothing in particular. "What's taking that idiot so long, anyway?"

"Maybe he got attacked by Cerberus?" Solitus suggested.

"No, that insane mutt adores the fool. I'll bet he's just having a grand old time chatting it up with Charon or some random soul wearing a funny hat..." It wouldn't be the first time. The god rolled his eyes at the thought. Only Comedy could get so sidetracked when anyone else would be in a desperate hurry.

"Argh!" he cried suddenly, frustrated with just about everything. After all that hard work, he finally stopped being furniture. After so much torment, he now had what he wanted more than anything, and then this absurdity had to happen?

He was suddenly in agreement with Sanzo's outlook on life: kill whatever gets in the way and let the higher-ups sort it out, then go about your business as though nothing had happened.

"Why don't you check on Gojyo and Goku?" Regina muttered, somewhat annoyed that her formerly-intended was being so gloomy in the absence of his sweetheart. "You look bored."

"I'm not bored, I'm thinking," he snapped back. "And there's no way in hell I'm going over there weaponless while those two are fighting. I'll just wait until they work themselves to exhaustion, then deal with them like the children they are."

"I'm pretty sure Gojyo's a grown man," was her clipped reply. "Don't belittle the hotness."

Kon blinked, then gave her a good, hard stare. "I don't know where you get your dialect from, but it's certainly not appropriate, and it's definitely not something I'm prepared to deal with at the moment, so if you would kindly shut up, I would appreciate it immensely."

"What's Lydia doing?" Solitus asked, trying to quell the fight before it began.

"No idea. I'd check, but if Yumoa catches me I'm a dead man. Doesn't change how worried I am, however...actually, let's not discuss it."

The bathroom door clicked open then, and Harry stepped out with a relieved sigh. "Better..."

"Good, now get over here and hold still like a good little hostage while I tie you back up," muttered Konran, standing again and gathering the lengths of rope.

(Taking the Edge Off)

I ended up exiting the ride in front of the hotel, and almost tumbled into a mud puddle, but at the last moment I grabbed a light post and stopped myself from taking the plunge.

"Haaah...that was close!" I gasped, holding a hand over my head and squinting through the heavy downpour.

"Hurry up and get inside!" cried Bob, flailing around and trying futilely to wriggle further into his pouch without the much-needed assistance of opposable thumbs. "My fuzz is gonna get damp! Plushies aren't meant for the elements!"

"Right-O, soldier!" I replied, covering the bunny with one hand and clutching the vial tightly in the other as I raced around deep pools of muddy water to get back into the hotel. By the time I made it indoors, however, my hair was plastered to my head and dripping into my eyes. "Ah, it itches," I complained, rubbing my eyes with a fist.

"Would you like a towel to dry off, sir?"

A terrycloth towel appeared before me, and I gratefully accepted. "Thanks! Lydia gets mad when I drip water all over the place." I dried my face and hair and hands, then looked up and smiled. "I'll make sure Kon tips you really well."

Then I froze, staring in surprise at the person who had given me the towel.

Pale gold and silver streaked hair, silver eyes, and my little nose...

"Hey, son, how's life?" he chuckled, grinning brightly.

"AUGH!" I screamed, leaping back and pointing wildly at him. "Loki! Dad! Loki! KONRAN!!" Panicked beyond human comprehension, I ran away and headed upstairs, taking five at a time and nearly breaking the door when I burst into the holding room for Harry, Ichigo, and the clones. "Kon! KON! Chaos! Help! BAD! Not good! CHAAAAOSSSSS!!"

"Yumoa, what the hell is it?!" Startled, my cousin jumped out of his chair.

"It's my dad! IT'S MY DAD! Why is Dad here?!/?!11?!eleventy/one?!"

He arched a brow at me. "That was quite the interobang."

"SHUT UP, DAMMIT!" I cried, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him. "Why is Loki here?!"

"Um, you just cursed," he pointed out dryly.

"AUGH!" He was avoiding the question! And how did I let that slip out?! Clearly, I wasn't in my right mind. Fine, I would plead insanity.

"Okay, time to breathe, Comedy," he sighed, removing my hands and steering me over to the chair he had been sitting in.

The clones gave me quizzical looks while the other three stared warily like mice trapped in the lion's den, and I shot them all a dark glare. I was having a crisis, and this was the support I got? Where was justice? Where was Mommy when I needed her? She'd give him a good talking-to and send Dad right back to Valhalla where he belonged. Dad really loved Mom, so he'd listen for sure.

"Kon, why is my dad here?" I asked quietly, leaving the frightened amnesiacs alone after a moment to think.

Kon sighed and pulled the other chair up. "Kannon found out, and informed me right after we ran down Harry. I figured you'd react like this, so I decided not to tell you. He's the one warping the dimension."

I gawked at him, and before I could stop myself I lunged forward and punched him across the face. His head whipped to the side, but he remained seated, well-accustomed to being abused. "You jerk!" I accused, standing over him as he grimaced and massaged his cheek. "That's Loki, you nut! LOKI!! He's crazier than I am!" I paused. "Not as crazy as Lyds, though...she's a special case...but at least she's not a god with enough power to destroy an entire plane of existence! He's probably got his sprites and booby-traps set up all over the whole dimension!"

"Entirely possible, but he's still your father, and I know you two have a good relationship. You're lucky to have that, so I didn't want to hurt you." He looked up, wiping the blood from his lip and giving me a tired smile. "He won't hurt you."

"But he won't hesitate to hurt you or Lyds or anybody here..." I whispered, unable to stay angry. Kon was just looking out for me, like always. He called me stupid and useless and all kinds of mean things, but we were still best friends. I kind of wished I was strong enough to help him as much as he had helped me.

He sighed, standing up and tousling my hair. "Look, Comedy, Loki is the main obstacle, but at the moment we're useless, so why don't we deal with the problem at hand and neutralize the Nepenthe first, huh?"

I squeezed the little vial, then smiled a little and handed it to him. "Yeah, you're right. Besides, maybe we can talk Dad into leaving this place alone."

"And if worse comes to worse, we can beat him up real good and send him home on a stretcher," my cousin chuckled, taking the antidote and shaking it in the light. "Did you get a spray bottle?"

I blinked. "Umm...oh!" I hurried over to the stash of supplies and rummaged for a bit, before withdrawing a spray bottle full of water. "I brought it for my bonsai, but I forgot the bonsai at home, so you can use it."

"You're really bizarre, I hope you realize."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, just take the bottle and help me fix everyone..."

BLAM! BLAM! BLA—CHINK!

Before we could respond to the noise, the door blasted open and in the light of the hallway there stood Sanzo, dressed in his leathers and jeans and aiming his banishing gun straight at me.

"Hi. I can't remember who I am or why I'm here, but shooting shit really seems to take the edge off," he said with a demonic grin.

"Eep! Kon!"

"Catch!" I snatched the vial in midair, popped the top, and emptied the contents into the spray bottle, then tossed it back to Kon. "Your move!"

Grinning fiercely, Kon took advantage of the monk's temporary distraction to sprint forward and bring the bottle into range. A split-second later, Sanzo reacted and whipped his gun around, squeezing the trigger automatically as Kon pulled the trigger on the spray bottle.

This was a really weird gunfight...

Pssst.

BLAM!

Simultaneous shots rang out, though the gun was decidedly louder, and as the mist cleared I saw both of them fall to the floor, clutching some part of their anatomy—Kon, his stomach; Sanzo, his face.

"Whoa, he really shot ya," I murmured in surprise, trotting over to Kon and kneeling beside the pool of blood. "You okay?"

"I'll live," he groaned, gritting his teeth and forcing himself up with a labored gasp. "Damn, I can see how that thing kills youkai in one shot! Packs a real punch, that little thing."

"Fuck...you..." panted the monk, getting up as well and glowering at us. "What the hell just happened?"

Kon grinned. "I was taking care of a persistent cat."

Sanzo gave him a cold glare. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. Now, answer my question."

I decided to step in before anything else happened to aggravate the priest. "My dad got into the Lethe in Tartarus, the river of Forgetfulness, and brought some of the water back. The Nepenthe, as we call it, induces mild amnesia. In order to neutralize it, I got some of the ferryman's antidote and Kon sprayed you with it 'cause he figured you'd never drink it of your own will in that state."

Sanzo just stared, then scowled. "Whatever. I'm going to bed."

"Wait, don't you want to help get the others back in their right minds?"

He got up and stalked away as fast as he could. "No. I need a smoke and a drink, and I need you all to disappear forever, if possible. If not, just don't come near me again with that bottle, got it?"

"Uh...right."

"You damn well better get it..." he muttered darkly to himself as he reentered his demolished room and slammed the broken door shut.

I looked at Kon, and he gave me an irritated frown.

"It pisses me off that I'll probably never get either a thank you or an apology from that guy," he complained.

"I'm sure Lydia will take your mind off it," I laughed, helping him to his feet and handing him a roll of paper towels from the table. "Get cleaned up while I take care of Hakkai. He'll be useful, and probably won't shoot me."

He handed the spray bottle over and took the wads of paper to mop up his blood. "Get these three here first, then Hakkai. Leave Lydia, Goku, and Gojyo to me, okay? Lydia's my responsibility, and the other two are still fighting..."

"Sure thing, Kon."

He was giving me all the easy stuff, but I didn't argue. His pride was important to him, despite how abused it was when faced with Lydia's indomitable presence. He deferred to her for almost anything, so I let him have this little bit to keep him happy. I owed him that much, at least.

(Meanwhile...There Is No Honeymoon)

"Look, I can sleep on the couch, and you can have that enormous bed all to yourself," Seimei offered for the fifth time, lounging on the aforementioned velvet couch in his boxers and robe and trying to convince Hwan that he wasn't a complete scumbag. "I swear upon the test tube which birthed me that I won't do anything you don't want me to do."

The doctor sat curled up in the center of the king-size honeymoon bed, cursing herself for bringing such indiscreet nightclothes and hiding it beneath her own robe. "That was a weasel statement, wasn't it?" she demanded. "For all I know, you could be planning to trick me."

"Well, if you're in the mood, then who am I to deny?" he muttered under his breath.

She heard it, however, and her bespectacled eyes narrowed. "Sleep in the bathroom. I'll unlock it in the morning. The tub is big enough."

"What?!" He flinched in surprise at the inhuman demand. "No way! What the hell kind of compromise is that?! Come on, give me a little credit here. The couch is fine. Very comfy."

"Ugh!" Hwan wanted to beat him upside the head with a candelabra, but thought better of it when she considered his origin. She had designed them for maximum power output and versatility, though that seemed to have backfired in the case of the other two. Regina and Konran's clone were too unstable and too apathetic, respectively, to achieve the desired results. Seimei, however, was level-headed and resilient. If any of them had power in a fight—or a revival, as the case may be—it was him.

She didn't stand a chance against her own creation, even if she was a youkai.

"I need a drink," she grumbled, too stressed to care anymore. Simmering quietly in her own mind, she got out of bed and headed for the wet bar, where she poured herself a snifter of cognac and brooded on a barstool while sipping occasionally.

After a few minutes, the other stool scraped across the oak floor, and Seimei sat down as well. "Do you mind?" he asked cautiously.

"Whatever. It doesn't matter..." She took another sip and let the alcohol warm her insides. It was chilly in the vast suite, and the rain still shivered in her bones and wet hair. Everything was a mess. First Regina decided to run away with all of her research hard copies, then Seimei proved himself useless in helping fix the problem, and now that third clone was somewhere out there and she didn't even know if he was okay or not.

If this was motherhood, then she could certainly do without.

"Hey...Hwan?" ventured the clone beside her.

She grunted, too focused on getting hammered and reallocating the blame to give anything more than that.

"What were you planning to do with us after we used those scriptures you've got to revive the big guy?"

That certainly got through, and she finally looked up, bleary-eyed. "I dunno...depended on Milady's wishes."

He frowned in confusion. "Would she have had us killed? Imprisoned?"

The Doctor shrugged and sipped some more. "She likes to hurt people, to destroy the things that are important to them. She's already done it to me...why not do it again?" Hwan looked up at him, studying his face. "I made you...all of you...that's important to me, so..."

"Gyokumen Koushu would kill us just to hurt you?" the clone demanded indignantly.

"That's how she works. That's how she controls us." She looked away, glaring at her cognac. "I wish I could leave...I've been her slave for so long..."

To Seimei, it was obvious that something wasn't right. "Hwan, why are you working for Lady Koushu? What did she do to you?"

Unexpectedly, she giggled. "I hate that bitch...no appreciation for my work...always on the Proseff...Proseff...Professor's side."

He realized then that she was smashed, and glanced at the half-finished snifter in bafflement. "Wow, your tolerance is just pathetic."

"Shut up! Damn that whore!" Angrily, she slammed the glass on the bar, but the fragile crystal shattered in her hand, and she winced as the shards pierced her skin. "Ouch...bleeding..."

"Whoa! Hold still, I'll get a First Aid kit." The clone made sure that she was too busy staring off into space to get down, and hurried to the closet where the kit was stashed on the top shelf. Moments later, he returned and set to work picking out the glass and cleaning the cuts, before wrapping everything in bandages. "Hwan, you're better than this," he admonished quietly.

The Doctor watched absently as he cut the length of tape and fastened the bandage tightly enough to hold through the night.

"You might need stitches, but if you take off the limiter, then you should be fine." He touched the bracelet around her wrist and gave her a questioning look, and after a pensive frown she nodded. "Oh, good." Before she could retract permission, he unhooked the ends and pulled it off, and within moments she was back to her usual, pointy-eared self.

"My hand hurts..." she muttered. "My head, too...I wish Milady would get rid of Ni."

"You think too much, Doctor," Seimei replied gently, aware that she wasn't handling inebriation all that well and trying to cushion the fall. "Let's get you into bed. You'll feel terrible in the morning, though." Before she could argue, he picked her up off the stool and carried her over to the king-size.

"Huh...you smell nice, too..." she mumbled vaguely, squinting at him.

He stared at her in surprise, then quickly laid her on the bed. "Oookay, you're wasted. It's bedtime, Doctor. In a few hours you'll be back to normal, all right?" Before he could get any stupid ideas, he pulled the blankets over her and returned to the bar to down his tequila, then went to get some blankets for the couch.

As he was preparing his own sleeping arrangements, however, the doctor called for him, and he cautiously approached after a brief battle of conscience. "Yes?"

She blinked sleepily, "My glasses...can't reach..."

"Oh, yeah. Sorry." He picked the spectacles off her face and folded them, then set them on the bedside table. "Anything else? I'm about to go to sleep, too."

It took her a moment to think about it, but after that moment she said softly, "Thank you for caring...Milady and Ni are so terrible to me."

His eyes widened slightly, but he couldn't help a warm smile. "I'm alive because of you. Of course I care. Good night, Hwan. Things'll work out somehow."

"I hope. Good night, Seimei..." she trailed off for the last time, and passed out completely.

Once certain that she would be okay until morning, he fixed his couch and got in, glad that the expensive furniture made for a comfortable bed.

It was several hours, however, before he fell asleep.

(Carrot Top versus Angry Baboon: Part Deux)

Once Ichigo, Harry, and Zakuro were back to normal and stretching their limbs after several hours in bindings, I went over to Hakkai's room and knocked lightly.

"Ah! Just a moment!" There was some bustle on the other side, then the door clicked open and Hakkai peeked through the crack. "Can I help you?"

I thought about it. "Well, have you been feeling kind of...forgetful lately?" I asked.

His eyes widened a bit. "Actually, yes! Do I know you? I apologize for forgetting, but...well, I don't remember how that happened, either..." He laughed nervously and opened the door wider. "Would you like to come in for tea?"

"Actually, I've got some more friends to help, so if you would just drink this, you'll be back to normal in no time at all." I smiled and held out a tumbler of diluted antidote.

"Really? That's all?" Hakkai took the glass and gave the vivid liquid a skeptical frown.

"Go to that room down there for the full explanation when you're done. I'll tell everybody all at once, to save time."

"Oh...okay, then..."

"Hurry up, now!" I waved and jogged to the last room down the hall, where Konran was waiting to take care of Goku and Gojyo.

"See, that's why I like that man," he sighed, shaking his head. "Why can't the rest of them be as reasonable?"

"You can't expect everyone to go along with your ideas," I pointed out. "And what's the fun in that, anyway?" Shook the spray bottle and laughed, "I didn't even need that. He should be out shortly."

"All right, then. Let's get these two wild animals taken care of so I can go check on Lydia. She may be docile in this state, but there's no guarantee that she'll rediscover how good it feels to hold a blade." Without further ado, he closed his eyes and dissolved into tiny black particles, slipping under the door and unlocking it when he reformed on the other side. "Come on in, Comedy."

I peeked in, and frowned when I saw that the two hadn't even noticed our intrusion. Goose feathers floated in the air as they tried to strangle each other. "Honestly, where's the love?" I muttered in exasperation. It was kind of disappointing that even amnesia couldn't fix their innate need to hurt one another.

"Forget that, just give me the bottle," Kon hissed, reaching behind him and wiggling his fingers. "I don't need them noticing our—gah!"

I slipped inside and ducked just in time to avoid getting knocked into the wall by a flying body, grimacing empathetically for poor Gojyo. "Owie. That's gonna hurt come winter."

"You!" growled Konran, losing patience in an instant and suddenly binding the kappa in a painful joint-lock. "I'm tired of you playing around!"

"Who the hell're you?!" Gojyo demanded in surprise, clearly only just discovering our presence.

"I'm the God of Chaos, and if you don't find some degree of self-restraint where that monkey is concerned, I'm going to pull a Lydia and shave your head while you sleep!" he snapped, unlocking the spray bottle with his teeth and aiming right up the redhead's nose. "Now wake up!"

He pulled the trigger, and Gojyo began gagging as the antidote tried to go down the wrong tube. "Augh! Leggo! Leggo! I can't breathe!"

Smirking, Kon released him and stood up, brushing his pants off and looking at Goku, who crouched on the bed and watched in uncertainty. His golden eyes blinked rapidly as he tried to process what was going on.

After a long silence, he ventured slowly, "Ummm...who are you people? And who's he?" He pointed at the gasping kappa.

"Just hold still and all the answers will return," my cousin said, adjusting his hold on the bottle as he prepared for a strike. "Your memories are being blocked by a kind of mild poison...this is the antidote."

He shook his head adamantly, confused and frustrated. "That's stupid. No way. Look! It's hurting him!"

Kon rolled his eyes. "That's because he's a stubborn ass who needs the occasional shock. And it went right up his nose—even water hurts if it gets in your sinuses. You want to fight? I'll fight it out with you, even if you're a kid."

Ah. He shouldn't have said that. I covered my face, peeking between my fingers.

Before Kon could react, Goku sprang forward, screaming angrily, "Don't call me 'kid'!" Like a bullet, he hit my cousin with a savage tackle, knocking the bottle right out of his hand and pinning him to the floor. Well, Goku was kind of a god...it was only natural that he could hold his own.

"Dammit!" Grimacing with the effort, Chaos extracted his arm from the pin and caught the Sage across the face with a fallen cookbook. As Goku winced momentarily at the pain, he reached out and grabbed the bottle again, quickly bringing it to bear.

"No!" Automatically, the monkey grabbed Kon's wrist and caused the shot to hit Gojyo again instead, but within moments the target was locked again, and before he could be stopped, Kon pulled the trigger and sprayed Goku in the face, point blank.

I winced. "Whoa!" Goku freaked out, and I quickly grabbed hold of Chaos' arm to drag him out of harm's way.

"Argh, my eyes!" cried the monkey.

"That was unnecessary," I muttered to my cousin, frowning at Goku's pain.

He covered his face with a hand, panting a little. "They'll get over it. Just make sure they're fine while I go give Lydia the antidote. I don't know know if that was enough of a dose for Goku—he's more like us than like them."

"Roger that." I saluted and grinned. "Thanks for helping out. I dunno if my dad's still here, though...what should we do?"

He shook his head and opened the door after setting the bottle on the table just in case I needed it. "He's not here. I can't sense him. We'll have to corner him if we want to get things back in order."

"Oh..." Part of me was sad to hear that Dad had left, but the rest was relieved. He didn't belong in this place, and I didn't want the townspeople getting caught in the crossfire. It was better to take the fight to a sparsely-populated area. "Go help Lyds. I'll be fine with these guys.

"Just don't let your guard down. Pretend they're your subordinates or something." He made an ambivalent gesture, then headed out.

"Ugh..." As the door closed, Gojyo rolled onto his back and clutched his face. "Shit...that hurts..."

I chuckled, seeing that Goku, too, was recovering well.

Good. I liked it better when nobody was fighting.

(Next Door)

Konran stared at the antidote solution in his hand as he stood outside of his room, thinking hard. He knew that it was better for all concerned if Lydia's memories were restored, but to lose this sweet side and have her return to being a cruel mistress...

It hurt him either way. He wanted to do more than she would allow, yet he wanted her to be herself—contradicting desires which could easily become his downfall one day. The world was just unnecessarily complicated, if his opinion held any merit at all.

In the end, however, he knew what the right choice was, and with a resigned sigh he unlocked the door and peered in.

"Who's there?" called a voice from within. That voice did strange things to him, things he couldn't even begin to explain.

"It's me, Princess," he replied, entering quietly and shutting the door behind himself. "I hope you were okay by yourself."

He found her still in bed, hugging a pillow and looking rather worried. "I wasn't sure if you were coming back..."

Silently, he shouted unutterable curses in several dead languages within the confines of his own mind. "Of course I would come back," he chided instead. "I've brought the antidote, so take it quickly."

"Oh. Okay, then." She scooted over and gave him room to sit on the bedside.

Helpless. She looked helpless this way, and he wasn't used to it. So much so that his chest ached at the thought of what could have happened to her in this state if someone had come to hurt her in his absence. In the end, he realized, he would rather she were capable of taking care of herself. "Drink it all, please," he murmured, handing the little flask over and watching soberly as she opened the cork.

She paused halfway, studying his expression. "Why do you look so sad?"

A twinge of pain in his heart forced the truth out. "I'm going to miss you being this nice to me. And I'll miss you letting me be this nice to you. You're a difficult person to love."

"Oh...I'm sorry." She hesitated, then reached out and touched his face gently. "If I have no memories, then I'm not me, right? It's better if I can remember you. I'd be happier if I remembered being with you. Right now, it's just fog, and that's kind of sad. Wouldn't you prefer it if I still had whatever makes you want me?"

He frowned. "Sure, but it would be nice if you were this sweet all the time."

"I probably am—in my own way."

Surprised at those words, he blinked and stared at her. "Princess..."

She grinned. "See? I'm right. Now, about those memories..."

All at once, Lydia tipped the antidote into her mouth and swallowed, then shivered as the cure did its work, a warm, curling sensation working quickly through her blood. In no time at all, the fog cleared and the sealed memories became accessible once more. Frowning hazily, she noticed Kon's morose stare.

"Yo, ass-hat, what's your malfunction?" she demanded.

Forgetting himself for just long enough, Konran grabbed hold of her, pulling her as close as possible. "You adorable, cruel little sweetheart," he whispered. "I love you so much I can't help myself."

"Eh? Are you on crack? Acid? Who beat your brain in, huh? I'll kill them myself!" Caught off guard, she couldn't even struggle. "Konran! What's wrong?" It took a while, but after some prodding he loosened his hold and drew back far enough to meet her startled eyes. "Don't get all weird without explaining yourself, dammit!" She was used to his emotional outbursts, but not when she was feeling so muddled.

"I don't need to explain myself," he murmured, leaning down and pressing his forehead to hers. "Or, to be more precise, I can't. There is no logic in what I feel for you, and no matter how many times you draw my blood, I'll never let you get away."

"Right. Creepy. Why am I naked?"

Despite it all, the sudden, baffled question made him laugh. "That should be the most obvious thing in the world," he growled sweetly, tugging her close again and catching her lips with his.

"HOLD ON! What the hell is going on here?!" she demanded, pulling away and crossing her hands in front of her face to block any further persistent advances. "I was in the shower...and then I was...I was..." Her eyes narrowed suddenly, and she grabbed him by his hair, twisting his head down so she didn't have to look up at him. "Did you drug me? 'Cause if you did..." The dangerous glint in her eyes made specificity unnecessary.

"I didn't do anything. Loki did." He was calm, somehow. Probably, it was because she was there. The bliss was too much to be negated by some of the usual abuse. "He used Nepenthe, but Yumoa went back to Tartarus for the antidote and I gave it to you just now. That's the flask right there."

She glanced at the glass, seeing a few vivid drops left at the bottom, then returned to him with eyes narrowed. "I see..."

"Could you let go, please?" Konran requested, and to his confusion, she laughed. "What's so funny?"

She smirked, and leaned down. "No. I'm not letting you go anywhere, Chaos. You're my slave, remember?"

"Oh...then could you let go of my hair...?" Her free hand slid to his collar, and he fell silent when she began undoing the buttons of his shirt. "P-Princess?"

"An eye for an eye, a shirt for a shirt. You probably knew Hammurabi personally." A few more buttons popped open.

"I wasn't even born then...I think?" It was difficult to concentrate when she was undressing him. "I hope you're not just teasing me," he breathed, the air catching in his lungs when the last button opened and let her hand slip across his bare skin.

"You know, if anyone is the adorable one, it's you," she commented, chuckling at the helpless look on his face. "See? Poor, helpless God of Chaos..."

Okay, he was willing to admit that she was more fun with her memories intact.

"Really, now? Get over here, minx." Grinning, he took hold of her arms and pulled her down so that his face was buried against her throat. "Are you going to give in without a fight or do I have to beg you?" he whispered, flicking his tongue across her skin. "Either way, as long as you're mine, I don't care how much torture you put me through."

"Hmm...I think you deserve a reward for fixing my brain before putting the moves on me. What do you think?" She shivered under his touch, enjoying the pleasure, but too stubborn to act like she was.

He chuckled sardonically. "Sanzo just shot me. I think some playtime is in order to get my mind off that annoying fact."

"Weird, I don't see any marks..." She frowned, pulling away enough to examine his chest. "Where?"

He pointed to his stomach, slightly to the left of his navel. "Here, but I heal quickly. What kind of god would I be if a little bullet could bring me down? The lead will come out the next time I dissociate."

"Huh. Can I have the bullet whenever it comes out?" Her eyes lit up hopefully, and he frowned in suspicion.

"Why?"

"Because you got shot with it, obviously. I could probably sell it on e-bay for a pretty penny."

"Right. Thank you for your sentimentality." Sighing, he dispersed in a cloud of black dust, and when he reformed he was naked beside her and holding a tiny lump of metal between his thumb and forefinger. "Will this suffice to get you to stop following your little tangents while I'm trying so hard to seduce you?"

"Huh...it's small." She frowned, squinting at the little bullet and taking it from him. "Nah, I can't sell it."

Konran's eye twitched. "Why, pray tell?"

She calmly reached over and placed the bullet in the inner pocket of the coat Kannon had given her. "Because we've got better things to do, obviously."

Though he was a god, he couldn't possibly have predicted her next move, and thus didn't stand a chance. Faster than a jack-in-the-box, she body-slammed him onto the bed, and before he understood what the hell was going on, she'd already had her way with him so completely that he would have bizarre, disconcerting, recurring dreams about the event for years to come.

Good dreams, though...in a scary, masochistic sort of way...

(Regroup)

Kon was late. Like, two hours late. Hakkai had come over right away, and Gojyo and Goku after him. Sanzo was being stubborn, but that was just as well. He would probably get mad and shoot someone again. Even Kougaiji was present, though he hadn't been affected due to the fact that his room was on the other side of the hotel. He was concerned, though, and deserved to know what was going on, so I had called on him after Carrot Top and the Angry Baboon had arrived.

I really really liked that image.

By the time Kon and Lyds arrived, most of the gang had fallen asleep—Harry, Ichigo, Goku, and even Hakkai had crashed on some furniture piece or another. I wanted to sleep, too, but I couldn't until Goku and Hakkai left my bed.

"Sorry we're late," Lyds yawned as she entered behind Chaos, both of them wearing complementary robes and looking more than a little oversexed.

"You know, I'm happy that you two are getting along swimmingly, but I don't like it when I have to wait," I grumbled from the floor. "Look! My bed has been usurped by youkai! I'll probably need an exorcism to get them out now."

"At least they're not brandishing weapons, running around half-naked, and demanding scriptures left and right," Lyds replied with an uncomfortable frown as she let Kon pull her down to sit on his lap in one of the armchairs.

Gojyo glanced over from the window, chuckled, and put out his cigarette. "That's an excellent point, but if you two keep this up it's gonna make me look like I've lost my touch."

"You have my apologies," Chaos muttered in embarrassment. "We lost track of time..."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. You really need another hobby. There has to be more to being in love than nightly romps. Lydia needs her sleep, unlike you." Shooting Kon an exasperated leer, I got up and went around the group, waking the ones who needed to know what was going on right away. Harry and Ichigo were allowed to rest, but the others were either already awake or essential to the game plan.

Once all concerned were up and drinking some tea Hakkai had prepared for the occasion, I looked at Kon and nodded for him to get down to business.

"Okay, here's the bare bones of what's been happening," he said soberly. "Yumoa's father, Loki, is the culprit behind the bout of amnesia and the dimensional instability you've been experiencing. He's not a real god, per se, but he's still powerful, and has plenty of minions to do his bidding. My suspicion is that he's been disrupting the fabric of this realm on purpose, but we don't know his motive, or why he decided on Togenkyo specifically. It's entirely possible that he was bored and looking for some entertainment, threw a dart at a map, and picked this place randomly."

"That's terrible," Hakkai commented. "What can we do to stop him?"

"Well, his motive is important. I can't kill him—none of us can while he's Odin's blood-brother, and I really don't want to deal with this clown here in the aftermath. However, if we can find out his reasoning behind coming here, we can probably convince him to go back home and leave this place in peace."

"Man, you two have some seriously messed up family trees," muttered Goku, yawning loudly and blinking the sleep away. "What about those minions? Don'tcha hafta get rid of them, too?"

Kon nodded. "We can take care of the ones we find, but they're a bit like ghosts—usually invisible and very persistent. If we get rid of the master, however, the minions will follow. Plus, if his intentions are ill, then he could easily bring Fenrir or Hel over, and then we'd have a real problem on our hands. Fenrir is supposedly supposed to cause Armageddon in our world according to the Norse gods, so he's locked away in Valhalla, but Loki could easily break him out and take him here."

"Fenrir? Aww, but he's such a sweet puppy," I muttered in defense of the goofy wolf.

Kon gave me a look. "Yumoa, you could befriend a mother grizzly or a Tasmanian devil without difficulty. I don't know how you do it, and it's really impressive, but half of the beasts with whom you're on familiar terms are vicious, insane, bloodthirsty monsters. Like Cerberus. I just know he's out to get me." He stared off for a moment and shuddered, and Lydia laughed at his expense.

"Wow, you just described me," she teased.

"Tell me about it. My back hurts."

Gojyo suddenly stood. "I have to do that thing..." he said quickly, running into the bathroom before we could react.

From inside, there came hysterical laughter, and Lydia and Kon shared a look, as though silently deciding whether or not he should be beaten.

Well, at least they were getting along. That was as much as anyone could hope for.

"So where is Loki now?" asked Hakkai, trying to pretend that Gojyo wasn't doing what he was doing.

Kon cleared his throat. "Well, he's gone West, it would seem. I think he knows what your mission is—or, rather, he knows where you're headed. I have no doubt that he'll crop up again in the near future. Guerrilla attacks are his modus operandi—much like someone else we know." He gave Lydia a sidelong smirk, and she shot him a look that said plainly he was risking a night on the couch.

"Man, why'd it have to be my dad, though?" I wondered aloud.

"He gets bored—just like you," Kon replied quickly, avoiding Lydia's stare. "Maybe you should loan him your game consoles every once in a while. I'm sure Lydia will let you play on her computer."

"Strike two,' she muttered darkly. "Last time I made that dire mistake, ALL my music was erased and I had to re-rip ALL of my CDs. Think before you speak, would you?"

"Of course," he sighed.

"Anyway, all we have to do is keep moving west to find him, right?" Goku asked.

Hakkai nodded. "It would seem so. We're headed that direction anyway, and we'll find him faster the sooner we leave."

"Then we should leave tomorrow, like Sanzo said." The monkey yawned again and rubbed an eye with the back of his hand. "Plus, I'm tired. Are we done here?"

I stood. "Yep! Now gimme my bed back. I'm tired, too."

"But this bed is better than mine," he argued, giving me puppy eyes to bring down a bull moose.

"Don't argue, Comedy. You can stay with Lydia and me," Kon sighed, rolling his eyes to Lydia, who immediately punched him in the face.

"Strike three!" she announced, getting up and stalking to the door. "Enjoy your couch, ass-hat!"

"Wait!" Clutching his bleeding nose, Kon bade a hasty farewell, and I waved pleasantly as he ran after her.

"Umm. Okay, you can have it back," Goku murmured in a daze, surprised by Lyds' prime example of guerrilla warfare.

I laughed. "Thanks, but I think Kon may be needing it soon."

(Author's Note)

YE MERCIFUL GODDESS, THAT WAS LOOONG! (over 12,000 words?!)

But I've been gone awhile, so that's okay. In other news, I've opened up a deviantART account under the name "cyh-anide" for those of you who want to see more of my artwork. If you've got an account, go ahead and add me! XD I wanna see your guys' work, too.

More reviews equals faster updates, so review, please! Plus, I did this one in Yumoa's POV for you guys, so show some love.

Please?

— The Ever Erratic, Unscrupulous, Ubiquitous, Nihilistic, Neoclassical, Deranged, and Raconteur Cyh Scævola