[Continuing Natasha's flashback.]
25: The Games We Played Together
Natasha had been half listening over the audio link from the observation booth as she pulled up every piece of information she and Friday could find about the incident at Elk Ford and the secret facilities located further north of the town. She was very irritated with herself because she felt like she'd slacked off and not dug deep enough to be completely on top of the issue. She knew and trusted Logan, but she had slipped up and missed what could have been a crucial intersection in both men's experiences. She was just damn lucky that Hulk hadn't reacted negatively to the Canadian's presence. Although she was well aware knowing or just anticipating everything was impossible, Natasha swore she'd do her damnedest to see this did not happen again on her watch.
As she looked out the observation booth's huge windows, it seemed like the meeting below had been successful since the men were now going over one of several forms with Logan correcting and adjusting Bruce's grip and showing him how to better balance his center of gravity. Bruce had improved his physical skills a great deal in the time she'd known him, but he still had his awkward moments when his coordination just seemed to abandon him. This may have had its roots in the autism, but with the Liminal episodes his body mass and size fluctuated enough to throw him off balance and make judging distance and hand-eye coordination a challenge. Luckily, with the open floor plan in most of the public spaces in the tower there were not a lot of doorframes to plow into or corners on which to clip his shoulder, but Bruce had found every one of them more than once. Coffee tables and countertop corners also had it out for him. To complicate matters, he seemed to be at his most distracted while his mind was on his work. The steps between the larger lab and his were an absolute bane. There were only five, but that was five too many. She'd seen him fall down them twice and stumble going up them more times than she could count. Tony had finally put bright yellow grip tape on the edges. She'd even suggested that he ought to get his eyeglass prescription checked. Some days she just wanted to encase Bruce in bubble wrap. (Yes, he was an awkward dork, but he was definitely her awkward dork.) Amazingly, none of these fumbles or collisions had led to an incident. She sighed and shook her head, and then Natasha turned her attention back to the bank of screens in front of her.
Well, she wasn't going to beat herself up over missing deeply buried incidents involving dark ops anymore—well, anymore today at least. She'd hacked into government databases both north and south of the border and then turned the search over to Friday because it was time to go play hostess as the boys finally seemed to be winding down. She grabbed the bento box of sushi off the desk she'd ordered to surprise Logan and the six-pack of Labatt Blue she'd placed in the booth's refrigerator earlier and headed to the gym floor. She would show Logan the stairwell to the roof since he probably needed to light up and have a smoke about now. If Bruce were willing, they'd all go up and share a beer on the rooftop. As it turned out, Bruce had a therapy session for which he was going to be late if he didn't hit the showers, so she pulled him close, sweat and all, and gave him a good long kiss. "That's a down payment for later," she told him as she pushed a few greying curls back from his face.
He smiled at her and rubbed her forehead with his. "I'm going to collect every penny, my sweet Russe," he promised and was off.
She then headed up the stairwell to share the six-pack with Logan. He was admiring the view with a lit cigar in his mouth and his arms folded across his chest. She walked up beside him and pulled off a Labatt Blue and handed him the other five.
"Thanks, don't mind if I do," he said with less gravel in his deep voice than he'd had earlier. He stubbed out his cigar and pulled off a can of beer before deftly popping out one of his adamantium claws and giving it a twist to open the can.
"Still hate tabs, huh?" she asked.
"Still hate tabs," he confirmed. She handed him the special bento box, and he grinned from ear to ear. "I thought I smelled the good stuff." He opened the package, took out the chopsticks, and inhaled before he dug into the maguro and chef's choice cuts with compartments of interesting vegetable pickles and colorful salads picked to create a balance of flavors and textures. Logan offered her first pick, but Natasha shook her head; she would grab something with Bruce later. Logan took a bite of the "tuna collar," a rare delicacy, chewed it slowly, and sighed with enjoyment. "I'd say I knew you loved me, but I know this is because you know me and you love him." Natasha just smiled as inscrutably as ever.
They stood there shoulder to shoulder watching the busy metropolis below them in companionable silence for a good while, and Logan was on his second beer and nearly finished with his lunch before he spoke again. "Damn, Natasha, you know how to pick 'em. That guy is wound impossibly tight one minute, and somehow swings it back to chill the next. He doesn't even smell the same from minute to minute. Hell, he's barely the same person I met in Canada."
"What do you mean?" she asked, feeling completely puzzled.
"I'm not talking about changing into the Hulk. It's Banner who has changed. His . . . well, chemistry or maybe biology has altered. Except for the gamma, it's a different vibe. I'm not saying this isn't the same person, but the amount of radiation coming off him was poisonous back then. Today, until his eyes started glowing, not a whiff of it. I'm not sure how to describe the depth of that type of change. He's gone through something extensive between then and now to curtail that much radiation."
"It's interesting you would say that. We don't have very much early data to form any sort of baseline from that early time period, so we've been left to speculate how much he's continued to adapt over time. We've known that however he metabolizes the gamma has evolved over time, but it's been a guessing game without knowing where he started. Do you mind if I share your observations?"
"No, I don't think it will cause any harm, and it's only a personal observation, nothing I'd put into any report. Temperament wise, he seems to have himself outwardly under control, but I can tell there's a lot going on under the surface."
"He's lived on a razor's edge for years, Logan. We're just now getting him to tolerate his other side and open up. He also has a history of family issues, but I won't go any further about that since it's his to share or not."
"You always did go for a hard luck case," he said with a hint of sarcasm before taking another long draw of beer. "Thought I taught you better, Red."
"You, Sir, have no room to talk," she responded and he gave a snort, but didn't argue with her. Natasha continued, "Bruce may not be the first diamond in the rough I've spotted, Logan, but he's the first one I've wanted to keep."
"That is no rock waiting on a cut and polish. He's still a big green gamma bomb waiting to go off. If you lose sight of that, you're suicidal." Logan closed up the finished bento and stacked it with the empty cans.
"And you would know?" she asked. "I think it's time you told me what actually happened at Elk Ford and parts north of there."
He sighed and finished his beer. "It ended up okay, so let's leave it at that."
"No, that was a large complex that went up, some kind of high-tech facility with its own power plant. It burned for days. I saw the satellite images. What did Bruce have to do with it?"
Her former colleague narrowed his eyes and stared at her a moment before making up his mind, "Okay, since you aren't going to let this go, it's still classified, but what I can tell you is that Banner was attacked by an enhanced pack of thugs trying to 'recruit' him into a weapons program while he was passing through Elk Ford. They weren't exactly subtle, and he escaped as his 'green sasquatch' alter ego. Because of the destruction caused in the town, Department H sent me in to investigate. I tracked him down thinking he was the cause of it, we had a misunderstanding, and both of us ended up getting caught by that same pack of riffraff and drug to the base. Basically, as we escaped the facility, we destroyed it and everything we could on the way out. After that, we finished our fight, monster to monster. Don't ask me who won because I passed out at some point, and he was gone when I woke up."
"Well, that actually makes some sense," Natasha said and finished her beer. Logan offered her a second one, but she shook her head, "No, thanks."
After a few moments of silence, he brought up a new subject. "What do you think of trying parkour training with your guy?" Logan mused as he opened his third can.
"Steve and I do some of that, but we've not tried much of it with Bruce, mostly because of time constraints. I can't think of a reason not to try it now except that we're stuck here in the tower."
Logan frowned, "I bet we could put in a request and get some time off for good behavior. His record since the spring has been clean. It's also going to be 'necessary' to properly evaluate the Big Guy. Between the two of us, we'll get a yes out of the review board."
"Okay, I'll put in a request to the board chair. Stark owns a large tract of land upstate. We've had the Big Guy out there before. Lots of space and trees and a stone quarry with a deep hole of a lake. No neighbors. We all like it up there."
Logan nodded and took another swallow of beer before bridging a new subject. "Now, I will end up regretting this at some point, but I need to bring this up. Banner was telling me about this 'Liminal state' he has that can go halfway."
"Yah, it happens, but he really doesn't have much control yet. As the walls have come down between him and the Big Guy, Bruce slides into the edge of that in-between state, but he really doesn't have control over it. He has to be well into it before there's more than a negligible physical change."
"You've never had him practice coming in and out of the state?"
"No, did he tell you when it happens?" Logan shook his head. "It's usually in the bedroom."
"Oh. Well, that explains some of the foot dragging," he said with a raised eyebrow and a chuckle. He kept shaking his head for a few moments before continuing, "Look, I don't like to push this, but he needs to get over his squeamishness and learn how to incorporate what Hulk has to offer or he's going to stay vulnerable and keep drawing fire. If I were going to go up against your team, the first thing I'd do would be to set Banner off mad and hope he distracted or took out his teammates. If that didn't work, I'd go after you if I had any idea he cared for you and because you're physically vulnerable compared to the rest of the team."
She wanted to argue that targeting her wouldn't give an enemy an advantage, but he had a point since that is basically what happened at Strucker's base when Clint was injured. "I don't disagree with that, Logan, but it's not going to be easy to get a workable level of integration." She shook her head; Bruce was used to being the "nuclear option", the Code Green, and he dreaded it. This whole issue really wasn't about wanting to better "weaponize" himself: it was about minimizing collateral damage and friendly fire so he could sleep at night. Natasha finally looked at Logan, "He'd probably be willing to give it a try up north."
"Okay, we'll put that on the itinerary then. It's too bad Stark couldn't put him into a suit," Logan mused.
"Oh, no-no, none of us want to see that again," she said.
"That bad? What did he do, freak out?" Logan asked.
"Tony said the gamma radiation messed with the suit's power system and the software. It completely shutdown and sort of fused shut. After about 45 minutes of keeping Bruce calm, he still had to transform and break the thing apart when the air was running low. The Big Guy wasn't exactly happy about it either," Natasha noted.
Logan stifled a snort. "Well, next time maybe he'll learn to close the jet's doors and keep them locked tight," he said shaking his head.
"Yah, eventually I did bring that up, but he already knew where he screwed up even before the Maximov twins hit him. He just couldn't get the ship locked up tight fast enough or get it off the ground."
They stood there a while longer in comfortable silence as Logan downed his fourth and final beer. "Well, I can hear my ride," he said. "I'll see you in two days. Banner has his orders till then. The sooner we can get out of town, the better, eh?"
Natasha could now hear the quinjet approaching on the other side of the building to utilize the landing pad, which was five floors down. They walked over to the other side of the roof and watched the aircraft land. Natasha then turned and headed for the stairwell, but Logan couldn't resist the temptation of the tapered 110-degree slide down the smooth, unobstructed surface of the building to the section above the pad. Before she could object, he waved and slipped over the edge with a rakish grin on his face. "Should have seen that coming," she sighed and collected the empty containers and put them in the recycle bin. She walked back to the entrance to the stairs where she almost collided with Bruce at the doorway.
"Logan's ride is here… sooo where'd he go?" Bruce asked looking around.
"What can I say, the man would rather make an amusement park slide out of the side of a skyscraper than do anything so boring as take the stairs."
"It's efficient," Bruce said with a laugh. "Come here, Beautiful," he purred as he pulled her close. "We've not made love up here," Bruce teased with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.
"For good reason," she said, nodding her head toward one of several security cameras. She didn't have to mention the many other prying eyes focused on them from further off. "Come on, we saved you a beer," she said tossing him the final can.
He sighed dramatically, "Darn, it's warm. Guess it's only fit for making chili now," and took it with them into the stillness of the stairwell. There they turned to face each other and started kissing. After the frustrations on the intelligence front, she was looking forward to letting go with Bruce, even if it was hardly the afternoon; besides, she knew with a little persuasion she could start easing him into dealing with his discomfort over his Liminal issues.
He'd set the warm can of beer down and backed her up to the wall, "Any cameras here?" he asked as he leaned in close to her ear, grazing its edge with his lips.
"I already took care of those," she whispered in her sultry tones. (Yah, she'd long since made an app for controlling that.)
A hint of green flared in the depths of his eyes, "I could take you right here up against this wall if you want," he teased with the growl starting to slip into his voice. He placed his left arm beside her head with his hand braced against the wall and leaned down to give her another kiss.
"I want to play a game," she said, slipping her arms around him and settling her hands on his hips.
"I like games," Bruce replied and bent down to kiss her neck, breathing in the smells lingering in her hair from the rooftop and ignoring the hints of cigar smoke.
"You're already starting to edge into the Liminal. Do you want to make love this way?"
That got his attention. Bruce swallowed hard, "Do you think that's a good idea?" He'd spent the entire morning riding the edge with Hulk very present in his consciousness. Now that Logan was gone, the Big Guy was slipping back into the quiet spaces, which gave Bruce unhindered access to the full range of physical Liminality without having to worry too much about an accidental Hulk out. It was almost the equivalent of a hall pass or get-out-of-jail-free card, but one he'd never dared to put into play.
Natasha could see Bruce's anxiety level building. "You need to practice," she explained. "Hear me out. The game is, you get to pick the amount of green, but you have to maintain it. If you want to go without, go without it. If you can stabilize at a level where you're comfortable, do that. I plan to make love with you whatever way you want and whenever you're ready."
"Okay," Bruce said as he realized he was already edging up to a few inches taller than normal. Ordinarily, he would have backed off and just waited a few minutes for the green to subside. He was all too aware of what Natasha was doing with this game playing, but he found himself wanting to play her game. Bruce suspected this desire had something to do with all the alpha-male edginess left in Logan's wake, because he wanted to prove to Nat he could do it, but the stairwell wasn't the place for risky foreplay or going further. "So you're in the mood for a potentially dangerous game with the added bonus of this being 'practice'?" Bruce asked as he stroked her cheek with a hand that was just a little too large and very subtly sliding toward green.
She smiled temptingly, having to lean back and tilt her head just a bit to accommodate his increased height. "Call it practice; call it fun," she said huskily. "This is as controlled of a circumstances as we're going to get. Would you rather have Logan or someone else in our business?"
"Of course not, but we're still courting potential disaster," he said as he looked down into her hazel-green eyes. He knew she trusted him. He wanted to make this work. Bruce bent down and grasped her around her waist. His slightly enlarged hands easily encircled her middle, and he lifted her easily over his shoulder with her backside in the air.
Natasha's expression had gone from one of amusement to surprise, and as he lifted her up, she laughed and squealed with delight. She knew trying this wasn't easy for him because it pushed beyond so many of his boundaries. As he adjusted her weight on his shoulder and headed down the steps, Bruce finally relaxed a bit and patted playfully at her backside. He counted the floors down to their apartment and paused at the door leading into the corridor before opening it and carefully maneuvering through the doorway, hoping not to smack either of their heads, elbows, toes, or hips. He silently said a thank you that he was still able to operate the keypad, and soon they were in their apartment and headed into the bedroom. He gently set her down, wanting her desperately but needing a moment to find his balance in both senses of the word. Bruce often wore clothing that was loose because of circumstances like this, but he could feel his enlarged bones and muscles straining at some of the seams. He breathed deeply and did his best to find a way to exert some control over his body's size. It was like searching for the light switch in a strange dark room. There were logical spots to probe, but he still wasn't completely sure how this worked. Slow down… Pull in… Slow down…
Natasha saw him struggling with his hands clenched and eyes squeezed shut in concentration, so she held his forearms and sat Bruce on the edge of the bed. She'd thought his shoes were goners when she knelt down to get them off his feet, but everything came off intact. Next, she leaned him back and pealed off his jeans. He groaned with relief. "Turned on and too tight just don't go together that well," she noted with a small smirk.
"No shit!" he said as there was a ripping sound. He'd split the back out of his polo shirt, so he leaned forward and tore the rest of it off over his head. Natasha then stood him up and pulled down his striped boxers before the elastic waistband came apart. He took a few more long controlled breaths before he opened his eyes. She gazed up into his face, which had hardly changed. His eyes had settled into a shade of hazel darker than her own and lighter than his normal brown. The pink tones were still there beneath his skin, but green was beginning to assert its approaching dominance. She smiled and pulled him close, hugging him and resting her cheek against his hair-covered chest for a few minutes. "You did it," she finally said. "You've stabilized. I'm so proud of you, Bruce. Let's see if you can hold it for a while."
He looked at her a little sadly. "I really want you, Nat, but I'm afraid I might hurt you," he said as he stroked her auburn hair. "We'd better not play that part of the game right now."
"That's okay. Relax, Bruce, we have time to do anything you want. There's no reason to rush. You can always change back when you're ready," Natasha said, leading him to the bed again where he stretched out on his back. She pulled out her phone. "You're at a little above background with the radiation and still well within safety parameters." She laid the phone down on the nightstand. "Talk to me for a minute," she said," and Natasha pulled off her own boots and slacks to get comfortable, and then she stretched out beside him on the bed. "How do you feel about this?" she asked with a gesture encompassing the length of his body.
"I'm okay with it, but not all that comfortable. I'm sure I look… wrong."
"You look like you, Bruce. There's nothing 'wrong' with you," she said stroking his face. "Here, handsome," she leaned over and pulled a hand mirror from a drawer in her nightstand and handed it to him.
Bruce almost flinched because he was so reluctant to see his reflection, but he took the mirror and cradled it in his palm, swallowed hard, and made himself look. He studied his face, peering at his eyes, then moving his lips and eyebrows, and finally touching his cheeks and nose. "God, am I really getting this gray?" he concluded running his hand through his hair at the temples.
"See," she said, "You're still you. You're still the man I love. Believe me, you look fine."
He smiled at her rather skeptically, "You honestly think so?"
"Yes, you're you, Dr. Bruce Banner. I find you incredibly attractive. No matter what size or color your body or you hair takes, you're still mine. I love you. Body and soul, you're mine. You're loved. I know this isn't easy for you to accept, but you're no monster, no matter how big or how green you are. I know who you are and I love you." That finally got a small, but genuine smile out of him because he thought she was so adorable when she tried to make him feel better and the words just spilled out of her. He knew she loved him, and he wanted to believe her about the rest. He was working on it.
"Come here," Natasha said, jumping off the bed and pulling him up by his oversized hands. She pushed back the closet door so the full-length mirror was accessible. She practically had to push Bruce in front of it, but once he was there, the objective scientist in him kicked in and he was fascinated. Bruce stared at himself, slowly straightening up but not moving. She could see the gears turning in his head. Not so tall as Thor, but definitely as tall as Steve though the real difference was in Bruce's heavier musculature. Hulk was almost grotesque in his overdevelopment, but Bruce was only at about a quarter of that mass. He already had broad shoulders and a well-proportioned frame, so the thicker musculature didn't look out of place. He was heavier and more bulky than his teammates, but not beyond anything a mature athlete or bodybuilder could achieve. Thick wrists and hands, ankles and feet were the only odd aspects aside from the emerging shades of green. Natasha put her hands on his shoulders and turned him so he could see his side and back. He finally raised his arms and watched himself move in the mirror, turning, looking at his legs, and then flexing his hands and arms.
"Come on, show me your guns, Bruce," she said with a grin. If she'd ever doubted that he blushed from head to toe, she could certainly put that subject to rest. God, the man was adorable, especially at his most awkward and embarrassed. She was determined to get him over this. The more comfortable he was with his own body, the better he would feel about himself, and all sorts of possibilities sprang from that.
"Okay, but I don't feel like I've really earned them," he said quietly before flexing and giving her the requested pose and a self-conscious half grin. She giggled and ran her hands across his furry chest and broad shoulders then down his biceps and forearms. He was putting off heat and just felt good to touch! She looked up into his eyes, and he smiled as he enfolded her in his arms. He was warm and solid. He deserved to feel good about himself. Natasha pulled his face closer to meet his lips, and Bruce finally responded by kissing her in earnest and the tension began to ease out of him bit by bit. Her hands wandered down to his waist and then down to his gluts, a favorite place for her to massage. He moaned with pleasure as her hands worked his muscles, and the two of them continued touching and kissing for several minutes.
"What does this in-between state feel like?" she finally asked him.
Bruce thought for a minute, "It feels warmer than normal. It's not painful. Physically, it throws my coordination and balance off a little. It's hard to tell if this is really my skin I'm in or not." He paused and chewed a bit at his lower lip. "Inside, there's a slight hum, but Hulk is in a quiet spot. After keeping tabs on Logan for so many hours, the Big Guy needs his downtime, so he's unusually quiet in my head right now." Bruce smiled fondly and continued, "In fact, my head is pretty calm and clear period," he noted, thinking of the loops in which his thoughts often became snarled. He flexed and fisted his right hand, studying it. "This feels powerful. I think I could set your old friend back on his heels if I needed to do that."
"Do you think it makes you more aggressive or edgier?" she asked with a raised eyebrow since she had her suspicions.
He seriously considered it a moment, "No, I don't think so; that feeling was already there. I just kept it held back in reserve all morning, but now I'm starting to get tired. There's a lot of will required to keep this state stable."
She checked the clock, "You've made it almost 30 minutes total. Are you ready to let go?"
"Yah, I need to come back," he admitted.
Natasha led Bruce to sit down and stretch out on the bed. To accommodate the added height, she had him lay at an angle. She made a mental note to thank Tony again for insisting on welding and reinforcing the steel and composite bed frame he'd designed specifically for possible occasions like this when Bruce's mass fluctuated. Once Bruce was settled, she lay down next to him again, "Tell me if I can do anything to help you."
"Just stay with me," he said reaching out and grasping her hand. He lay back and closed his eyes, taking deep and even breaths. He envisioned the green irradiated cells receding into his blood and being carried away through his veins. Bruce thought about the space between subatomic particles reacting with the radiation as it returned to his bones and wondered if it reversed more than just polarities and attracted or repelled dark matter as the mass seemed to appear and disappear as he changed. He made a mental note to look into this. He could feel something leave him almost as gently as an exhalation of breath. He arched his back as muscles and bones slipped and contracted. It was more uncomfortable than painful since it wasn't a full transformation. For a brief moment his skin seemed to crawl with energy that licked down his spine and settled in his core before it was gone. That was a little odd, he noted; normally, there was a hum, a vibration, not a static shock. When he opened his eyes, he knew he was back to relatively normal as he squeezed Natasha's hand and she kissed his fingers.