Like a silent stone guardian Hisao pulls me from the wreckage of the truck, his warm fingers breathing life back into my frozen body.
"It's okay, I'm going to get you out of here," he says with a brilliantly reassuring smile, a pair of sweet dimples appearing on his perfect cheeks. Even ankle deep in water, standing beside a body I can't help but be overthrown by his beauty.
In the clear air outside of the truck I fall into his arms, the sky a dazzling blue above us. Stroking his soft cheek with the fingers of my left hand, I marvel at the alien feeling.
"You did this?" he asks, gesturing to the black shell that was once a Ford truck.
I shake my head vigorously, he can't know the truth, he'll hate me.
"She did, I saw her," Ayumu says, appearing beside us as if by magic. His cold face turns to mine. I wish he would smile, or laugh, like he used to; when I loved him.
Hisao pushes me away with a surprising amount of force. I'm flung into the truck behind me. Desperately I stretch my hand out, trying to slow myself before the jagged metal rips into my flesh. But pressing my left hand against the cab reveals not cold steel as I had expected, but a searing plate like a frying pan.
I scream as the flesh on my hand melts away, becoming blistered and blackened almost instantly. Pain shoots up my arm, settling in my chest.
"You did this," both boys says together, looking at me with disgust.
"No, no!" I cry, desperate to explain, "Please no!"
Together they turn, starting to walk away without a second look back, I try and run after them, but the sound of a horn causes me to look up.
Headlights blind me, as the world goes black.
I'm still screaming, "No, no, no! Please!" When I wake up, a hot sticky mess entrapped in my own bedclothes. Summer sucks. Realising I'm fighting a hopeless battle and still screaming like a maniac. At the same time, I stop struggling and try to focus.
Finally freeing myself and kicking my covers to the floor I quickly check my hand, expecting to see burnt flesh at least, it hurts so much. I jump when I see the bandaged stump. What the hell? Memory floods back as someone knocks on my door.
"C… come in," I sniff, wiping away tears with my good hand. I'm supposed to be happy, could my stupid body and mind not give me even one night to celebrate asking Hisao out?
My door opens, and Ikuno walks in, rubbing her eyes. I'm so lucky she chose not to spend tonight with Ryouta. I take one look at her, and begin to sob, it's all so fucking unfair.
"Hey, hey!" she coos rushing over to me, I must be a state, I can feel the buckets of cold sweat coating my skin, and my hair feels like it's been dipped in a grease tray, where it lies matted on my back.
"I woke you, I'm sorry," I croak, trying to stem the flow of tears with the back of my thumb, while the phantom of my hand, the same hand that just moments ago stroked his cheek burns in my lap.
"No, it's okay, what happened?" my best friend asks, bending down to pick up a fallen pillow.
"Bad dream, I saw-" I stop suddenly, catching sight of a shadow in my doorway, Ryouta. He stands awkwardly, like a stranger at a funeral. Sobbing even harder I snatch the pillow from Ikuno, trying to hide my face behind it, like a child. I don't want him to see me like this.
Shooing him away with a wave of her hand and a furious look in her eyes Ikuno turns to me, placing a palm on my damp forehead. "You're burning up, go take a shower while I make your bed."
I stand numbly, following her instructions without question. I'm tired of always fighting, of always struggling, so I'm content to be led. My feet carry me to the shower room by themselves, and I strip without a second thought. The bandages around my stump falling to the tiled floor like a streamer, before I step under the lukewarm water.
What time is it? I forgot to check before leaving my room, its an odd sensation, and brings forth a crushing realisation. If I don't keep on top of this I'm going to be lost. Running my fingers through my hair I think I can finally understand why mum started drinking, sometimes it's just kinder to let reality slip away.
I think I always knew that simple fact.
"Miki?," Ikuno calls, I didn't even hear her open the door, "I'll leave a towel out here for when you're ready."
"You can stay," I splutter, accidentally ingesting a large amount of water. "What time is it?" I say, trying to recover with dignity.
"It's around two in the morning,"
"Oh." I don't know what comfort I expected to gain from discovering that I would be half asleep for yet another day of school. "I asked Hisao out," I say matter of factly, I had hoped to find a better time to tell her. But naked at two am is never the wrong time to tell somebody something.
"You did?" she replies excitedly, "What did he say?"
"He said yes," I grin to myself. He said yes. Not even bad dreams and burning hands can take away the fact that he chose me, it's like the ultimate vengeance against Ayumu and his stupid girlfriend. Even if neither of them ever find out - or care - about Hisao.
"That's fantastic!" she shrills, "Were you nervous asking?"
"More… angry," I say, turning off the water and relishing how cool and fresh my skin feels.
"Angry?"
"Yeah," poking my head around the shower curtain I glance at Ikuno, who is sitting dreamily on the bench in the middle of the room. With a stab of guilt I notice the black rings under her eyes, normally hidden by makeup.
"You have a towel?" I ask, reaching out my good hand, before continuing, "It's kinda complicated, but the important point is that he said yes."
Stifling a yawn she passes over a big white fluffy towel - one of her own if I'm not mistaken. "No, you have to tell me everything, right now."
I should have kept my mouth shut.
Wrapping myself in soft fluffiness I step out of the shower, her infectious yawn catching me mid-step. Glancing up at her curious face I can't help but smile. In many ways she's the friend I've always wanted, painfully cliched sometimes, as if she's stepped out of a TV show; but kind and caring.
"I will, but lets wait till tomorrow, I'll take you to the Shanghai after school," I tuck my stump into the towel, suddenly very aware of it. "I need to plan for my date," I smirk as her eyes light up.
"A date?" she almost squeals, pressing her hands together in a apt impression of an American high school student from one of Ryouta's stupid movies. Perhaps people are right to criticize television.
"Tomorrow," I say, yawning theoretically.
"Fine," she concedes, "But you're paying, and I better get every juicy detail."
Fine, as long as I don't have to hear any 'juicy' details about what she and Ryouta get up to.
"Ikuno," I start softly, "Thanks for, you know, bad dream patrol."
She smiles earnestly, shrugging a little as if embarrassed by the gratitude. I owe her, more than she can imagine - and not just financially. In the chaotic sea of my scrambled thoughts she is a lighthouse, a safe haven. It's why I can commit so certainly to telling her everything, well nearly everything. There are some storms that even she could not weather.
Gently touching my arm she pulls me from my contemplative thoughts, "Will you be okay?"
"I think so," I smile, "I'll see you in class?"
"Y… yep," she yawns, "If I can get Ryouta out of bed in the morning anyway."
We both share a gentle laugh, the sound echoing around the empty bathroom. As Ikuno heads back to bed, I start the laborious task of drying my long hair. Rubbing my head with the towel I watch myself in the mirror, my cheeks starting to burn as I wonder what Hisao will make of the sight in front of me.
Stopping I consider myself from a few angles. No, I'm definitely not as front loaded as Misha, but I'm much more toned. I would wager that Shizune's beauty comes from her style, and less her body and as for Lilly… Well, I'm nearly as tall as she is. Hmmmm. So, I'm a more comfortable height to kiss? Snorting derisively at my own wandering mind I wrap the towel around myself, heading back to my bedroom.
Since when do I worry about my body? My distraction is starting to become distracting; and we've not even been on a date yet.
— — —
"You look like you've had better nights," Hisao says as I approach with an almost zombie like sluggishness. Oh, if you knew the half of it.
"You're meant to compliment your girlfriend," I complain, falling into step beside him.
His cheeks start to flush, as we step out into a beam of fresh sunlight, foreshadowing yet another hot and sticky day at Yamaku. "Your hair looks nice," he blurts, avoiding my eyes.
It's a lie of course, my hair is a rumbled mess, having been slept on before it was dry and forced unceremoniously into a ponytail. Still, I feel a smile creep onto my face.
"Thanks," I say gently, nudging him playfully with my elbow. "I don't sleep that well sometimes, thats why I have you and Ikuno to keep me awake in class." I try and pass off my comment as a causal joke, rather than the major soul destroying problem it's threatening to become. Perhaps I should schedule a meeting with Dr. Ueda.
"Truth be told, sometimes I get insomnia as well, from my medication," he admits, still not meeting my gaze.
Medication? Well of course he would be on any number of pills for his heart, selfishly I almost forgot that he has his own reasons for being here, that his change in mood from his first days is not a sure sign that everything is okay, just a good cover for someone as broken as I am.
"Is there nothing the nurse can do?" I ask, stepping in between two wheelchair users heading in the opposite direction.
"Not without more side effects," he grumbles, leaving it at that. Being able to emphasize with not wanting to discuss medical stuff I don't press the point.
"Hope we get group work today," I lament, "Ikuno had a rough night as well."
"So you want me to bail you two out?"
"Thats the kind of thing a chivalrous gentleman would do right?" I ask, trying out one of Emi's mind controlling pouts. Though I doubt it looks as good on me.
"Well, I guess someone needs to look after your brain, if you're looking after my heart."
"Hey!" I blurt, stepping through the doors into the air conditioned lobby. I can't work out if that was an insult or not.
Hisao simply chuckles, following me up the stairs.
— — —
"I just don't understand how someone could be so mean to the cat," I say derisively, taking in Ikuno and Hisao's knowing grins.
"He didn't really poison a cat silly, it's just a thought experiment," Ikuno says, giggling softly. The afternoon sun catching with a glint in her sapphire eyes.
"Yeah," Hisao adds, "It's just a way of saying without knowing for sure, something can be in two states at once."
My new boyfriend and best friend give each other knowing nods, as if this is all very obvious, and I'm being stupid. Honestly, who thinks up all this science stuff? What's worse is the school is expecting me to pass an exam on this nonsense.
I rub my tired eyes with my palms, blurring the half-completed work sheet in front of me. Thankfully it's nearly the end of the day, an escape to the Shanghai for some strong coffee followed by a few laps around the track with Hisao will do me the power of good.
"There's too much thinking in science," I say. "Just look at Mutou; it's affected him."
My partners laugh, Hisao pulling my work sheet towards him and starting to write. I knew there was a reason I asked him out.
"Well, it's nearly summer," Ikuno mummers consolingly, "I forgot to ask, did you want to come stay with us for a few weeks during the break?"
"Us?" I ask, sitting up a little straighter.
"Ryouta, me and my family, mum texted this morning to invite you as well." Eyeing Hisao's messy brown hair nearly brushing the table as he writes she winks at me, "You can bring a plus one as well if you want."
"I would love too," I say. Beats being bored at home.
"Miss Miura, I'm well aware that mine is not your favourite subject, but you could at least make the token effort of having the worksheet in front of you," Mutou interrupts with a raised eyebrow.
I grimace, having to strain my neck to look up at his weatherbeaten face and out of control hair. Damn it! He led us into a false sense of security by being the most inattentive teacher in the entire universe, it was all a cunning ruse.
"Ah," I say, trying to find a plausible excuse as the rest of the class pauses to watch. "It's both completed perfectly and not even touched, at the same time, as long as you don't look at it."
Hisao snorts, trying to hold back his laughter, while Ikuno pushes her face into her hands with a mixture of pity and despair. I thought it was quite a clever excuse.
Holding my breathe I wait for Mutou's conclusion, "Well, at least you learned something, once Mr Nakai is done with your paper you can present it after class, where we will be having a word."
"Yes, sir," I say. So I might be a little delayed going to the Shanghai, but overall that didn't go so badly.
"I can't believe you got away with that," Ikuno whispers. as Mutou drifts dreamily back to his desk.
"Well, I might not have," I shrug, "He still might give me a detention or something."
"Look over these answers," Hisao says, pushing my paper back towards me, "And tell me if you don't understand anything."
I raise an eyebrow at him, apparently he's not forgotten his offer to study with me. Across the classroom Shizune glowers at the pair of us, catching my eye with a disapproving frown; that I meet with a brilliant smile. You lost, Miss President.
We resume our casual chatter as class starts to wind down, Ikuno talking at some length about the summer holidays. The classroom seems cooler than it was yesterday, a merciful breeze creeps through the windows, rustling papers on desks. Despite the threat of detention hanging over my head I feel myself start to relax.
A knock on the door interrupts the classroom's chatter. Visitors to room 3:3 are so rare it borders on a unique event. Slowly, with great care the door is opened and a middle aged women strides in, with defiant purpose. Unremarkable in almost every way, I vaguely recognise her as being a member of the admin staff, though I could be mistaken. In a few quick steps she is at Mutou's desk, sharing a private word that seems to have gotten the normally dazed teachers full attention.
I share a confused look with my classmates, with any luck this will be enough of a distraction to knock me off of Mutou's radar. The two adults pause in their conversation and together look up, directly at me. The hell?
"Miura, could you accompany Mrs Imaizumi, if the rest of you would like to carry on with your work." Our teacher nods at me, a strange look on his face.
I stand, my heart starting to beat quickly. This is it. They must have found out about the lie, outside there will be the police waiting to arrest me. I wish I could say my last goodbyes but everything is moving too fast.
I leave my bag at my desk - I won't need it in jail - and follow the woman whose name I've already forgotten out of the door.
I'm surprised to find the corridor deserted, perhaps the authorities are waiting for me to get outside before springing into action. Not that I could put up any kind of resistance, I could make a run for it I suppose, but what good would that do for me? Other than delay the inevitable.
"I'm afraid to tell you this, but your father has been rushed to a hospital," she speaks slowly, softly, with well rehearsed poise. "Your grandfather has requested that you be allowed to leave school to see him,"
She reminds me of a doctor saying he's very sorry, but there was nothing they could do…
"W… what?" I stammer, feeling the blood rush out of my face. Dad's in hospital?
"I believe your grandfather is out of the country at the moment, otherwise I'm sure he would be here to tell you this himself." She continues, with a sympathetic look that's well honed. Is this the person who tells parents the worst has happened to their offspring while at school?
"What hospital is he in? When did this happen?" I say desperately.
"Here," she says, withdrawing from her pocket a collection of papers and handing them to me.
The first is the address of the hospital, I recognise it at once, because it's the facility I was taken to when I lost my hand. I never wanted to go back there, not ever. Below it is a train ticket, with a flexible departure time for today. And lastly, most terrifying of all, is a pamphlet with the title "Sickness and bereavement in the family: A guide to coping'.
Thoughts race through my mind, none of them good. Could my grandfather really not have spared an international call to tell me this? How could he just send a vague message with someone I don't even know, about something this important. Doesn't he care at all?
"Miss Miura, are you okay?"
What kind of stupid fucking question is that.
"Yes, yes, I just, I need to get going." I say, turning on my heel and heading towards the stairs.
With a startling amount of vigor for a women her age, My unwelcome messenger falls into step beside me. "Yes, I quite understand, would you like me to arrange a taxi to take you to the station?"
"No, It's fine," I say quickly, "Thanks." I silently curse my ingrained manners as I rush down the stairs, taking them two at the time, leaving the admin lady far behind me.
—
It takes me far longer to pack and prepare than I would have liked. Hardly anything fitted when I stuffed it haphazardly into my worn backpack, that mixed with the fact I had managed to pack only undies and jeans, neglecting even a single item of clothing for the top half of my body seemed to require a re-think. Which took time, time I'm not sure my dad has.
Now dressed in my leggings, comfortable trainers and very baggy hoodie I wait impatiently outside the main building, waiting for class to end. I forgot my phone. It's in my bag, that's still trapped in the classroom, I just hope Ikuno or Hisao has the good sense to bring it with them.
Pacing back and forth I feel like screaming, I don't even know what's wrong with dad. That's the worst part, was he involved in an accident? Did he have a heart attack? Is this my fault for not insisting he went to the hospital? For not dragging him there? Please let him be okay.
Somewhere inside the maze of bright halls a bell rings, and seemingly moments later a herd of first years cascade into the sunlight, chatting and laughing happily. It's disconcerting, how I might be having the worst day of my life, and these strangers will forgot this sunny afternoon even existed.
I don't want the world to revolve around me, but a momentary glance would be nice.
"Miki!" Ikuno shouts, barging her way through an equally chatty bunch of second and third years, Hisao following her wake, his arms held up protectively against any stray knocks to his fragile chest.
"Hi," I say, my voice cracking slightly as they emerge from the crowd, thankfully with my bag swinging from Ikuno's arm.
"What's going on?" she asks, blue eyes wide.
"My," I pause, before committing myself, "My dad's in hospital, and I need to go and visit him." I didn't want Hisao hearing that really, but it was a pipe dream to keep up the illusion that I was anything other than a one armed magnet for disaster.
"Oh Miki," Ikuno gasps, covering her mouth with her hands.
Fishing my phone out of my school bag I share a warm hug with my best friend, that in one brief moment says more than any number of words. She will look after things here, she'll tell Ryouta and make sure my room does not burn to the ground, because that's what we do for each other.
With great difficulty I pull away from the embrace, turning to Hisao who looks embarrassed to be caught up in something so personal. Though he wears the title of my boyfriend, it means little more than a reserved sign at a restaurant. What about our date?
"I will wait," he says, seeming to read my mind, "I'll be here when you get back, I promise."
Fat tears roll down my face, and I flick up my hood to try and hide my face. Slowly I reach out and take his hand into mine, the skin as soft as in my dreams. Sniffing gently I mouth a silent thank you, unable to speak.
Our brief moment of contact lasts only a fraction of a heartbeat, but it still felt like something special. Our goodbyes are swift but heartfelt, and I find myself drifting through the black iron gates in an almost haze, lost in my own thoughts.
It's easier to go away knowing I have a safe place to return to, and that's what I have in Ikuno, Hisao and Ryouta. For better or worse, whatever happens, they will be here. When I come home.