Chapter 25: Furnunculus

Hermione Granger had met a lot of infuriating people in her life.

There were so many of them that at one point, in Sixth Year, she had even made a list. For a long time, she had thought it would only be the truly evil people who would stay at the top: Voldemort, Bellatrix (rest in peace…or actually, don't), etc. She had never at any point thought that an idiotic blond model would be slowly clawing her way up the list, passing the cruellest Death Eaters with the sole virtue of being the most annoying little brat Hermione had ever laid eyes on.

Dean had said it well, she was like a combination of Pansy Parkinson, Crabbe, Goyle, and the worst, dottiest parts of Luna Lovegood (at least it wasn't only Hermione's nerves that the blond idiot was climbing on. The tension in the house was real).

It was bad enough that Hermione was still suffering from the torture. Her chest ached, her breath was short, she couldn't run or jump too quickly. That torture device, she had seen it in the Restricted section of the Hogwarts library once. They had called it the Ripper, known for slowly tearing towards the victim's heart and cauterising the wound to prevent blood loss. It was all science, pure muggle science, created during the witch-burning period in England when it was risky to perform any kind of magic at all and perfected later on. The Malfoys had been a prominent family at the time, it wasn't surprising they had one of these stored in their manor. It was too bad she wasn't good enough at medicinal science to know its exact mechanism. They had probably decided to use it after trying and failing with the Cruciatus curse on Light.

She was impressed with Light, to think that he had managed to lie while under its influence when all she had managed to do was keep her mouth shut. The pain was so great that her mind had fogged up completely. She couldn't have thought an original thought if her life had depended on it (which, in a way, it had). When they had rescued her from the machine, all she had wanted to do was retch in a corner and cry, forget revenge.

One good thing about the whole fiasco (and there weren't many) was that she had started to bond with the infamous wielder of the Death Note. She hadn't thought she would like Light Yagami, he was a prick in many ways, but he was smart, brave and was working on being a good person. Hermione could respect that.

His girlfriend, on the other hand…

"Raitooooooooo!"

There she was again, followed by the inexplicable white monster Light called a Shinigami. Hermione, by his description, equated it to a dementor with the ability to think and speak like a regular creature.

Light was pissed off with the monster, and rightly so. Apparently, it (or one of its kind, she wasn't sure because Light was always slipping into angry Japanese when he brought it up) had brought them to this dimension from the one they lived in and was refusing to take them back because it had signed a pact with Lord Voldemort.

So Voldemort, apart from being a world class git and murderer, was also an expert in Shinigami diplomacy. Who knew? Hermione figured if any wizard would go to the extent of making pacts with creepy white monsters, it would be the Dark Lord himself.

"Raitoooooo! Where are you?" The blond idiot called, posing with her exaggerated pout and both hands cupped around her mouth to form a loudspeaker, as if she needed one. "Raito, stop hiding! The game isn't fun anymore!"

Hermione chuckled as she tore one of the newspapers in her lap into small pieces.

It was an Order-issued newspaper. The Order used them to relay important information to Bill and Fleur through the pictures on the third and fifth pages. This week's information was that the Death Eaters were going to move the things in Bellatrix's vault in a week due to her death. Since Harry swore that Bellatrix's vault was where the next Horcrux was, they had made plans to infiltrate Gringott's tomorrow (sooner the better, right?).

All they had to do was disguise themselves to be Death Eaters as they had in the Ministry, using the Polyjuice potion the Order had smuggled for them from unknown sources, and pretend to be sent to examine the contents of the vault before it is moved, to make sure nothing is misplaced...an excuse to break in, with Griphook's reluctantly offered help. The goblin had come from Gringott's, after all, and so knew its defences. In return they offered him the Sword of Gryffindor when they were done with it.

Hermione was prepared for this, Polyjuice potion was her thing after all. Back in Sixth Year, when Draco had been acting funny, she had managed to secure one of his hairs and pop it into her bottomless handbag. Several years ago, she had done the same for Snape. She just hoped the age of the hair didn't particularly matter. None of her books mentioned anything about it.

But that mission was planned for tomorrow. Today (and most of yesterday), they gathered their strength in Bill and Fleur's home. She knew Light, for one, was not strong enough for the mission yet (not that he'd admit it). After all, he had been in the machine a lot longer than Hermione. The break was doing everyone good, being at Shell Cottage kind of felt like a vacation from the war.

"Raitooooooo!" Misa called out, starting to sound annoyed. Hermione groaned, catching the blond idiot's attention. "You! Where is Raito? Is he avoiding me?"

Hermione sighed, ripping the paper in her lap further. "I don't know where he is."

"He can't do this! First, he leaves to go to another world without me, then he hides from me when I finally find him! He can't act like this! It's been ages since we went on a date! I want to go on a date with him!"

Merlin's beard, no shit he's hiding. "I don't know where he is, I can't help you. He's not here, that's for sure."

Misa pouted at her, reminding Hermione distinctly of Lavender Brown in Fifth Year. The brunette breathed a sigh of relief as the blond girl finally, finally flounced away. She got up, dusted off the powder-blue skirt she had borrowed from Fleur and decided to take a walk. Misa's grating voice was making the atmosphere unpleasant, despite the greenery, the roaring of the sea below the cliffs and the smell of salt that made her think of summer holidays on the beach.

She supposed she might as well go find Light. She could give him a heads up about Misa, and maybe ask him about the finer details of the Shinigami. They were an interesting species, and the existence of a King meant that they may be an intelligent civilisation in their own dimension.

She headed off towards the cottage, taking a slight detour towards some heavy bushes that led to Bill's personal shed/cabin. Apparently, Bill had initially proposed to Fleur in that very cabin (Hermione called bullshit on that one, they hadn't picked out Shell cottage until after their marriage).

Anyway, it was the place Light was hiding in to get away from his nagging girlfriend, seeing as she didn't know it existed and wasn't bright enough to find it behind the shrubbery. Hermione walked down the dirt path, shoving away stray branches until she came upon the entrance to the cabin.

She did a double-take as she neared the door. There was a strange white shape kneeling beside it, mostly hidden by the greenery, his ear pressed against the surface of the door, which was ever so slightly ajar.

"L?" Hermione whispered, and the weird man whipped his shaggy black head up, a slender forefinger to his pale lips.

"Silent." The man said, turning back to his initial position.

"What on earth are you doing?" Hermione asked, a grin appearing on her face. She really liked L, he was possibly the most adorable person she had ever met.

He gave her an impatient glance with those large black eyes. "Quiet, please."

"Are you eavesdropping?" She tiptoed over to his place and knelt beside him, getting the edge of her skirt muddy. He pursed his lips.

"Yes."

She stifled a snicker. "Why?"

The detective licked his lips, as if wondering if he should dignify that with an answer. "They're talking about me." He stated matter-of-factly. "Your boyfriend does not like me very much, though I suppose that cannot be helped. He is quite stupid."

"Ron's not stupid. He just…doesn't try hard enough."

L hooded his eyes at her, as if she was being stupid herself. "I suppose you'll say it is a matter of perspective next. I don't see why Raito-kun is letting this conversation go on this long, he doesn't usually have the patience for people like him."

Curious despite herself, Hermione leaned in, pressing her ear right above where L was crouched and peeking through the gap.

Ron was sitting on one of Bill's comfy chairs, his posture stiff. He was gesturing emphatically with his hands as he spoke (which, according to Hermione's seven years of experience, meant he was extremely worked up). "I'm just saying, you could do a lot better than him!"

L huffed, disgruntled.

Light bit into the apple he had previously been throwing casually in the air. He was leaning back in his chair with his legs propped up on the table, the very picture of smug contentment. "Yeah, of course I could do better than him. I mean, look at him. Jeez. Apple?" He picked up another shiny fruit from the table, offering it to Ron. The redhead took it but held it nervously, turning it round and round in his hands.

L had grown tense beneath Hermione, so the witch put her hand on his back, stroking his sweatshirt soothingly. Why was Ron being such an asshole? And why was Light responding in kind?

"Well, if you know you can do better…?" Ron ventured, the fruit gripped tightly over white knuckles.

Light threw his apple in the air. "I told you, we're not dating. Why does it matter so much to you, anyway? Is it the fucking kiss? Because I told you that didn't bother me, alright?"

"N-no, it's not the kiss. I just…your girlfriend, Misa. She's…well. You don't like her either. You only seem to have these things with people you don't like. And worse, weirdoes you don't like."

"Why does it matter to you, Ron?"

The redhead sucked his lips in. "Well…because you're my friend, alright? I care about you."

"That's sweet, Ron. But really, it's none of your business."

The redhead blinked, his apple getting nicked by his fingernails. "I don't mean to make you uncomfortable or anything, Light. It's just…"

Light shook his head. "Whatever. Maybe friends really are like this, I haven't really had many."

Ron smiled softly. "Me neither."

Hermione's eyes widened. The detective gave her a rueful smile, patting her arm.

"I've only ever had Harry and Hermione, and they've always liked each other more. I guess it's stupid, but you're the only friend I have who…who ever considered me worth it. Teaching you for all those weeks, I felt…happier. Happier than I've been in a long time. So I care about you, alright? And I don't want you getting hurt. Back in Malfoy manor…" He stopped himself when faced with the fiercest warning look Hermione had ever seen on a human being who wasn't Professor McGonagall.

The redhead sighed and tightened his grip on the poor apple. "Right. Sorry. I guess I just don't want you getting hurt by that…that git. That freaky git. He gives me the jitters, he's like a spider or something. Like a spider transfigured into a human. He wants to hurt you, I know it. He's blackmailing you into staying with him, holding your past crimes over your head."

L gritted his teeth. Hermione's face was flushed with equal parts embarrassment and confusion. What was wrong with Ron? Why was he acting like this?

Light swung his legs off of the table, his face set serious. Slowly, he took another bite of his shiny red apple and put it down on the desk, taking his time to chew and swallow. He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees.

"Ron."

The redhead looked up at him, slowly growing daunted when faced with Light's cool expression. "What?"

"Since you insist on talking about this, we will. And you will not bring it up again. Is that understood?"

Weasley nodded doubtfully. "Sure…"

Light took a deep breath. "You think I can do better than Ryuuzaki? The greatest detective, no wait, three greatest detectives in my world, and probably this one too?"

Ron spluttered. "That's not what's important!"

"Yeah, you're right. What's important is his actual personality. He's socially awkward, weird, doesn't give a single shit about people or feelings or anything normal. He spends all of his time reading or alone. He's selfish and insensitive and self-absorbed. And he's also completely, totally himself. He's intelligent, creative and absolutely brilliant. He's generous enough to save me from the hangman's noose and...and he cares about me enough to actually give a shit about me after that. He's selfless enough to give up his principles to save my life."

Ron frowned. "See? There it is again! He saved your life, sure, and you should feel grateful for that, but-"

Light closed his eyes, gripping his temple. "What exactly do you want, Weasley? You don't understand why I'm attracted to him? Well, fine, you don't consider him hot, alright? And that makes sense, because you're straight. But I do. He's interesting to look at, and there's that spark in his eyes I don't see in anybody else's. I like his face, I like his hair and his weird-ass body, and I think he's fucking attractive, alright? I'm not being blackmailed into being with him. I want to be with him by choice. If I didn't, I'm pretty sure he would leave me be."

Hermione's gaze was fixed on L's smile, which had grown wider and wider with every word Light said. It was the happiest thing she had ever seen. It made her feel warmer inside, like someone had wrapped a cosy blanket around her heart.

Well, Ron's next words ripped the blanket right out and dumped a pail of cold water over it for good measure.

The redhead fidgeted with his apple. "Uh, Light? Actually…I don't think I'm completely straight."

Hermione's mouth dropped open. L's hand was tight around her upper arm, urging her not to dive in through the door with her wand held at ready, trembling in righteous indignation. Light's eyes were wider than she had ever seen them.

"What makes you say that?" Light asked cautiously, trying to force his face impassive.

"Well…" Ron ducked his head, his face as red as his hair. "I think I'm attracted to you."

"Ronald Bilius Weasley!" Hermione bellowed as she blasted through the doors, her wand held straight in her hands, humiliated tears stinging her eyes.

Ron jumped up, dropping the abused apple, putting his palms in the air. "Hermione! I didn't know you were there!"

Hermione shook with fury. "No shit you didn't know I was there, you absolute fucking piece of shit! You git! Furnunculus!"

Ron yelped and pawed at his face, which had erupted huge, weeping boils all over it. "Hermione! Bloody hell! My face!"

"Oppugno!" She shouted, and all the apples Light had collected on his table flew towards Ron, hitting him repeatedly on the newly formed boils. He howled in pain and fled the cabin, the apples following him close behind.

"My apples…" Light said forlornly. Hermione gave him a fierce look and collapsed on the floor of the cabin, dissolving into heartbroken sobs. The wanker! He had left her for a month without a word, they could have been dead for all he cared, and now he was in love with someone else? What a bloody asshole! He made her sick!

"Um…Hermione? I'm really sorry…" Light trotted over and squatted down beside her. "I'm sure it's a mistake…he's just very insecure…"

"I don't fucking care! He's bloody sickening!"

Light hesitantly patted her shoulder. "Hey, um. You're right, he's a…git. I swear I had no idea he would say that." The boy blinked, peering at the door Hermione had swung open. "Wait a second. Is that L?"

The detective, discovered, sheepishly got to his feet, hunching as he came in through the door. "Hello, Raito-kun."

Light narrowed his eyes. "So you planned this, then? What, were you proving to her that her boyfriend is an asshole?"

"Actually, no, that was a surprise. Though not completely unexpected. I do like your methods of retribution, Miss Granger."

Through her tears, Hermione found a shaky laugh bubbling. "Thanks."

"Now, if you don't mind, Miss Granger, I will borrow my boyfriend for a quick snog."

Light blinked at L. "You have a boyfriend?"

L rolled his eyes expressively. "Raito-kun, I would have been glad to leave things nameless as they have been for quite a while now, but then the Ronald Weasleys of the world will approach you and you will encourage them by telling them that you are very much single. We can't have that."

"L. You're being wildly inappropriate." Light looked worriedly at Hermione, who swiped furiously at her tears.

"No, no, it's fine. I don't fucking care what that prat does. You guys go ahead, do your thing, don't worry about me."

L held his hand out to Light. "Well? Do you accept my offer?"

"What, to have you call me your boyfriend? I don't particularly care, though you shouldn't call me anything in front of Misa. She might get Rem to kill me."

"No, Raito-kun." L looked impatient. "I meant my offer to snog."

Light glanced from L to Hermione and back, then reluctantly took L's hand. "Do you mind not calling it that? It's not a very pleasant word."

"Alright. Would you prefer kisushite?"

Light cringed. "Ugh. Don't."

"Then it seems there's no way to make you happy." L grinned, putting his arms around Light's neck, making the teenager frown.

"Why are you smiling so much? Wait, how much did you hear?"

"Enough." L said complacently, drawing close and brushing Light's lips with his. Light pulled away, casting a worried look at Hermione.

"L, this isn't the right place."

Hermione sighed. "It's fine, I'll leave."

"No, you don't have to…" Light tried to put some distance between himself and L, but the detective clung obstinately to the boy's shirt.

"I'd hate to interfere with his enthusiasm." Hermione laughed softly. "He's been itching for this ever since you called him attractive." She got up and left the cabin before they could make her any more jealous.

Ron Weasley would pay for this, she would make sure of it.

.

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A/N: Ah a fluff chapter after so long XD review and comment please! Tell me if you're liking it!