Dean's POV

I drove to San Diego, using the address Cas gave me for the hotel, I knew the room would be empty but a part of me had hoped he would be there. His trench coat laid on the bed with some papers on it. I gently sat on the bed pulling the trench coat into my lap and started reading,

"Dean,

When we got married I never anticipated this happening, part of me wishes I was dead. When I found you in bed with that woman that morning it made me realize that while you may have thought you loved me you would rather be with women. I am sorry for everything that we had to go through. You should have left me dead all those months ago because it would have been better than this hell I am going through right now. Whether you really loved me or not I don't know but I know that I loved you. As an angel, I never dreamed of a future with you, as a human you gave me the chance to dream, and then you ripped it away from me. I wanted a life with you Dean Winchester and this is killing me, I have been thinking about ending my life, even as I write this part of me wants to. You are the only love I have ever known and I don't know how I can make things different. If I were an angel I may have lost it and killed that woman just out of spite, but truthfully, I know it isn't her fault. It's your fault Dean, whether you were intoxicated or not you made the decision to sleep with her. I am going to leave the country Dean, please do not look for me. You will not find me, I do not wish to see you again and truthfully that kills me the idea of never seeing you again but I can't stand the pain of seeing you again. Having the memory of you naked in our bed with a woman.

Love Always your Husband,

Castiel Winchester."

I closed my eyes tightly and started throwing things around in anger, I wanted to tell Cas the truth, but the woman told me if I told him the truth she would kill Sam and Cas. She wanted us apart, because we were so strong together. I didn't know what else to do and now I have lost the man of my dreams. Suddenly the sound of my phone ringing broke my concentration and I pulled it out of my pocket to see Sam's name. I sighed a little and answered it, "Hey Sammy…"

"What the fuck did you do Dean! Cheating on Cas? What the fuck?" He spits angrily. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"It doesn't matter." I said as nonchalantly as I could make myself sound.

Sam scoffed, "You finally had something good Dean, how can you just throw it away like it was nothing!"

I bit back tears, "Fuck of Sam, you don't know shit. I'll be back in a couple days."

Before Sam could say anything more hung up, I collapsed to my knees and started sobbing, angry for letting Cas get away. Knowing he wished death upon himself was hardly the point, I had done it to keep him from being murdered and now I may lose him. After a couple of days of searching around trying to find where Cas may have gone I finally head back to Kansas. Once I get to the bunker I park baby and go to the kitchen, Kevin is on the phone with someone and his eyes widen and he quickly leaves the room, part of me wonders if it's Cas. Sam comes in as I grab the bourbon of the shelf, I can feel his eyes on me as I pour myself a drink. Finally, I turn to him, "What?" I bite out angrily.

Sam scoffs, "The last few days I have been trying like hell to figure out why the hell you would do something like this. You love Cas, he may be doubtful right now but I know you and I know you would do anything to keep Cas safe, and I know that also means breaking up with him or cheating on him to keep him safe so is that what happened, because I swear to Chuck, Dean if that isn't the case I will kick your ass for cheating on him."

I closed my eyes, the bitch never said I can't tell Sam, even though she threatened his life. I down my whole glass and my shoulders slump as I open my eyes to look at Sam, "She said if I told Cas she would kill him and you… She wanted to break us up because we are so strong together…"

Sam sighed heavily and his taut stance relaxed," Fucking hell Dean, you realize you may completely lose him anyways. He is seriously contemplating suicide Dean."

I went to the table and sat down, "I know… "Suddenly I realized that I never told him any of this, "Wait how do you know?"

Sam sighed heavily, "Gabe went and found him for me because you weren't telling me shit. Gabe is really worried about Cas, says he is hardly getting out of bed and has been drinking, you know how little he actually likes alcohol."

I close my eyes tightly, "I don't know what else to do Sam… if I tell him the truth I don't think he will believe me for one… and two the bitch said she would kill you both."

Sam sat down across from me, "Well there has to be more to her just wanting to break you guys up for you to actually do it."

I nodded, "She said that our relationship was causing problems in Heaven and making angels doubt things and not having relationships with humans... and if we didn't end things she would go after all of us… I didn't know what else to do. I mean I tried calling Chuck but I think he has disappeared again..."

Sam looked at me, "It was an angel?"

I nodded, "Yeah, she grabbed me at the bar, pulled her angel blade on me. Gave me an ultimatum… she made it so Cas could get off early so he could find me in bed with someone else…"

Sam sighed, "We have to tell Gabriel... maybe he could find her. I mean he said the angels don't even know he is back so this could work to our advantage…"

I bit my lip, "Do you really think it could work… I just… can't lose him forever Sam… I swear I love him and I want him forever and I want to adopt kids with him just…"

Sam laid his hand on my shoulder, "I'll call Gabe but you should go because he is pretty pissed at you…"

I nod and walk to the room I share with Cas and sigh a little, collapsing on the bed.