Part XXV: Total Dark Sublime
"Looking up at the stars, I know quite well How should we like it were stars to burn Admirer as I think I am Were all stars to disappear or die,
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time."
— W.H. Auden, The More Loving One
….
"Jaegerjaquez! It is you…"
Grimmjow edged into the room, looking around at the marvelously bejeweled room. Any other time it would have fully captivated him. He let out an irritated click, his blue eyes sharp and narrowed. "It was hard enough to get in here. Fuck!"
"Why on Earth would you attack-" Unohana began, her braided black hair swinging as she shook her head.
"Shut up." Grimmjow barked. He looked around the room in confusion. He shook his head to clear it. "We need help."
"Who?" Urahara asked, leaning closer.
"Ichigo." Grimmjow repeated for the hundredth time. "He's in danger."
"Ichi-go?" Shinji repeated his name slowly, his eyes rolling to the side thoughtfully. "Rings a bell…"
"Ichigo. Ichigo Kurosaki." Grimmjow explained. "The kid Urahara helped remember his name."
"Ah. Yes. I do remember that boy." Urahara nodded. "Where is he? What's going on?"
"He's coming." Grimmjow answered, exhaling in relief. "Komamura met us. Something happened and he sent me ahead. But he's getting Ichigo here." Grimmjow explained quickly. "They should be here soon."
"Komamura?" Yamamoto asked, his brows furrowed together.
"Yes." Grimmjow nodded, feeling the muscles in his shoulders beginning to relax.
"Komamura's already back." Yamamoto said simply.
"Oh, thank god." Grimmjow breathed into his hands.
"He was alone."
Grimmjow's blood froze in his veins. "What?"
"He was brought back right before you arrived." Shinji explained, his smile slipping from his face. "He was a mess."
"Who brought him back?" Grimmjow demanded.
"Hitsugaya." Yamamoto answered.
"Call Hitsugaya in here. Ask him about Ichigo!" Grimmjow instructed impatiently.
"He's tending to Komamura," Unohana explained. "He was severely wounded."
"Okay, listen, that doesn't change anything…" Grimmjow barked. "Ichigo is on his way here, right now. And he needs our help or he'll die."
"His contract expire?" Urahara muttered, waving his hand in front of his face. "Such a shame."
"No!" Grimmjow snapped. "He has years left."
"How many?" Unohana questioned curiously. "Is he rejecting the piece of his Master?"
"Oh, yeah," Urahara agreed with a nod. "I've seen wolfstraps cause cancer before."
"No! Listen to me! Fuck!" Grimmjow growled. "His Master… They share a body."
"Possession is fatal." Unohana replied instantly, her dark lashes beating open and closed.
"Every time." Yamamoto added.
"No, this is different." Grimmjow insisted. "He's been doing it for years, decades! Since I met him… It's not like anything I've seen before…"
"Where is he?" Yamamoto asked, his voice crisp and sharp as it cut over Grimmjow.
"He's coming." Grimmjow replied with a nod, licking his lips reflexively.
"He probably won't make it." Shinji reasoned, his lips pursing together unhappily.
"Why not?!" Grimmjow snapped.
"Komamura didn't attack himself." Urahara pointed out.
Grimmjow opened his mouth to reply but hesitated. He shook his head in refusal and turned his back on the Council. He began to pace, his bare feet clicking against the marble floor. He paused, eyeing the Council severely. "He'll be here."
…
Ichigo ignored the pain. It was easy. His very existence was pain. But eventually the pain wore off and there was nothingness. The nothingness was consuming. It was like quicksand; pulling him in and crushing him beneath it.
"Come on." Ichigo urged himself, staring down at his feet and willing them to move forward. "Come on." He stumbled on his feet. If he fell now, he wasn't sure he'd get up. He gritted his teeth, his hands clenching into fists. "Come on, Ichigo."
Somehow he was running again.
His body had been pushed to the limit. His toes were swollen and blistered; his nails were torn and bloody. The bottoms of his feet had been pierced by rock. A trail of bloodied footprints followed behind him.
But he ran.
He couldn't breathe. His lungs felt as if they might explode. His ribs crushed them inward uncomfortably. They'd no room to expand. They felt heavy and cold. But it wasn't pain, not anymore.
And so he ran.
…..
"Where ya goin'?" Shinji asked, watching Grimmjow curiously.
"I'm sure he's close." Grimmjow replied, his blue eyes focused on something far off.
"I'll help ya." Shinji offered with a beaming smile.
Grimmjow wasn't in the mood for gratefulness or company, so he merely nodded in response. Shinji didn't mind. His wide, toothy smile never faltered. He walked leisurely while somehow still keeping pace with Grimmjow.
"Does he know how to get here?" Shinji asked.
"He'll be able to smell it."
"Yeah, I s'pose that's right." Shinji agreed with an amused chuckle. Shinji watched Grimmjow out of the corner of his eye for a moment before speaking again. "You've been gone for a while."
"Not really." Grimmjow refuted, shrugging his shoulders and quickening his pace. "What's time to our kind anyway?"
"That's true…" Shinji trailed off.
"I can't pick up his scent." Grimmjow realized as they reached the doors. "I should be able to."
"Too many other distractions?" Shinji suggested, gesturing around.
"Maybe." Grimmjow agreed sullenly.
"Not convinced?" Shinji drawled. "Why then?"
Grimmjow's anger flared. He reached out, grabbing Shinji by the collar and twisting, "He'll be here." Grimmjow spit out. "Don't believe me?"
"I believe ya. I believe ya." Shinji breathed out, his hand resting on top of Grimmjow's. "Don't get mad at me."
Grimmjow released the shifter with a snarl, turning away from the other man and wrenching open the doors. He strode through them and past the guards without a word. They watched Grimmjow nervously but said nothing. They didn't have the nerve, Grimmjow thought.
"Now stay calm." Shinji instructed quietly. "Focus and find him."
"I will. Shut up." Grimmjow barked.
"I know." Shinji replied with a grin. "You can find anyone, anywhere. It's an amazing talent."
Shinji's words were kind, but they fell on deaf ears. Grimmjow could find anyone, anywhere, usually… Something wasn't right. Grimmjow cursed loudly, snowy white fur shooting across his back and down his arms. He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. "Where are you? Where are you?" Grimmjow chanted under his breath. "Come on, Ichigo. Come on…"
…
"Come on." Just a little farther.
"Come on." Just a little more.
Ichigo's feet pounded against the ground; a sharp, jagged stone spearing through his flesh. He didn't even feel it. He pressed on, feeling as if his body was falling apart inch by inch. He wondered if he'd make it. And if he did, would he be in one piece or twenty? He could smell his own blood and sweat spilling but felt no pain.
He couldn't say how long he'd been running. He didn't even know if he was headed in the right direction. The only thing he knew was that he had precious minutes before the Master was finished with Komamura. And then he'd be after him. And it would be nothing to catch him.
"Ichigo!"
Ichigo laughed in relief, his eyes watering. He'd never heard such a beautiful sound. "I'm here! I'm coming!"
"Ichigo?!" Grimmjow came into view, out of breath and panicked. His face twitched and he smiled crookedly. He started to say something but froze, his eyes widening in shock. As if in slow motion, Grimmjow reached out, his arms extended toward Ichigo. His calves flexed supplely, pushing him off at high speed. He wasn't too far now, his fingers curved outward in desperation.
"Grimm-" the name died on Ichigo's tongue as he was slammed into the earth.
Ichigo spattered across the ground, rolling and tumbling violently. The bones in his arms snapped, his legs jutting out at awkward angles. His fingers bent backward, several of them ripping off from his palms. His head struck the ground with such force it twisted and snapped around, facing the side with glazed eyes.
"No!" Grimmjow moaned, stumbling over the top of Ichigo's body. It was disgusting, feeling the other's wrecked body beneath his feet. "Stop! Wait!"
Grimmjow skidded to a halt, inches from the approaching Master. Grimmjow raised his hands protectively, his eyes clenching tightly closed. His shoulders scrunched up, his entire body reacting reflexively.
"He doesn't belong to you." Ulquiorra snapped, his green eyes narrowed hatefully. He placed his palm against Grimmjow's chest, sending the shifter flying to the side. Ulquiorra continued walking toward Ichigo where he kneeled down. He pulled the dead shifter's body into his arms and stood.
"He doesn't belong to you either…" Grimmjow shouted, detangling himself from a mess of shrubbery. Ulquiorra didn't reply. He continued walking toward a silvery portal.
"Wait…" Grimmjow groaned, yanking a splintered branch out from his inner thigh. Blood poured from the wound but he ignored it. He lifted his hand, fresh blood staining his lips. "Wait a minute."
Ulquiorra paused, Ichigo lying unconscious in his arms. He looked Grimmjow up and down before speaking, "Why?"
"You'll kill him." Grimmjow explained, coughing blood into his hand after.
Ulquiorra made a clicking noise. He shook his head, his black, shaggy hair splaying around his head. His green eyes twinkled with amusement. "If that's all…"
"You need him alive!" Grimmjow shouted, taking a few rushed steps toward Ulquiorra.
"I don't need your help." Ulquiorra breathed out. "I never did."
"Stop it. If he dies you can't use him! Let me help him!"
Ulquiorra shook his head, "I've humored you for so long, but that's over now."
"It's not over… It's not over…"
"It is." Ulquiorra said simply.
"Not yet." Grimmjow snarled, taking another steps closer to Ulquiorra.
Ulquiorra half turned. His lips were held closed; his eyes were neutral and vacant. He rolled his head from side to side, popping his neck. And then he spoke, "You're wasting your time."
"I'm n-"
"You are." Ulquiorra spoke calmly, but commanding enough to silence Grimmjow's argument. "Don't you get it? He's never loved you. You've simply been convenient to him and his survival."
"No, he and I…"
"No. You listen. He's incapable of it. You foolish weakling…" Ulquiorra shook his head, growing more impatient. "He doesn't even have a heart!"
"I-"
"He has no heart! The only thing keeping him alive is my own resting inside of his chest. He can't love you. It's impossible. And you're just a chump." Ulquiorra spit. "Someone to feed and protect and clothe him when he was unable to do it himself."
"Just like you're a gutless coward," Ulquiorra continued. "When it matters most."
"I'm not." Grimmjow refuted, shaking his head and curling his hands into fists.
"You are." Ulquiorra replied before turning around. He carried Ichigo to the portal, a humorless chuckle escaping his lips. "You can't even attack with my back turned."
"Where are you taking him?" Grimmjow demanded, pacing back and forth.
"It's none of your concern." Ulquiorra answered, eyeing Grimmjow one last time. "The next time you see him, it will be me."
"I won't let you." Grimmjow barked, rushing forward.
"I should kill you," Ulquiorra sighed. "But it seems like such a waste. You've done my shifter so many favors along the way." Ulquiorra met Grimmjow's eyes. "Taking him to the beach… that was…nice…"
"Shut up." Grimmjow growled, slashing his hand through the air where Ulquiorra stood a moment before.
Ulquiorra moved faster than a blink. He stood several yards away in front of a new portal. "Goodbye, Grimmjow."
"No, wait!" Grimmjow pleaded, pressing his hands together as if in prayer. "Let me come with him…" Grimmjow dropped to his knees, scrambling toward Ulquiorra as quickly as possible. "Let me come with you…"
Ulquiorra frowned, his green eyes clouding over, "Oh, it's much too late for those pretty words." And then he stepped through the silver portal, Ichigo in his arms, and disappeared from view.
….
When Ichigo came to it was dark. He blinked unsurely, the heavy darkness covering him like a cloak. He swallowed, his throat dry and scratchy. It took another few moments before he recalled the last thing he saw. "Grimmjow?"
There was a sound behind him and he turned. It was too dark to see even shadows but he caught the glimpse of movement, white skin against black. He sat up, his eyes adjusting excruciatingly slow. "Master?"
"Grimmjow's not here."
Ichigo nodded, licking his lips as a pair of glowing green eyes settled on him. "Where are we?"
Ulquiorra muttered to himself unintelligibly before responding, "My home."
Ichigo felt a pang in his chest and he looked down, rubbing his hand over his skin. He couldn't see an inch in front of him in the darkness, but he didn't need to, to know that his skin was marred with bubbling black blood just beneath the surface. He immediately felt ill and he sank back to the floor.
"Don't worry." Ulquiorra said, almost comfortingly. "You'll be more at ease soon."
"Master?"
"I'm going to take care of you, keep you safe…" Ulquiorra whispered in the darkness.
"How long are we resting here?" Ichigo asked nervously.
Ulquiorra clicked his tongue, "You won't be leaving."
"Master?"
Ulquiorra moved closer, until their foreheads touched. He peered into Ichigo's face. "You tried to run away from me."
"No, Master, I…"
Ulquiorra placed a short finger against Ichigo's lips. "Shhhhh…"
"But Master I sw-"
"I need you. And you were going to leave me." Ulquiorra accused, pounding his skull against Ichigo's roughly. Ichigo was silent, his heart beating wildly in his chest. "You won't ever do anything like that again."
'No, Master. I won't."
"That's because I'll keep you here." Ulquiorra continued, his fingers pinching Ichigo's lips together sharply. "You'll stay here, safe and sound, until you die…"
Ichigo didn't dare speak a word. Ulquiorra nodded to himself, his burning skin warming Ichigo's. "You have a few years left." Ulquiorra muttered under his breath incoherently before continuing, "I always honor a deal."
"We're going to stay here… for twe-" Ichigo was silenced by Ulquiorra's grip around his throat.
"I can't forgive you for trying to run away." Ulquiorra breathed out, crushing his hand over Ichigo's windpipe. "But you also… you told me about the hallucinations… so…" Ulquiorra's hold loosened. "I suppose I will let it go."
"Master…"
"But what to do? What to do?" Ulquiorra mused, his voice deep and humorless.
"About what, Master?" Ichigo questioned in terror.
"How do I make sure you'll never run again?"
"I won't, Master…" Ichigo insisted. "It was a misunderstanding… it won't happen again…"
"No it won't." Ulquiorra agreed. "Because I'm going to keep you safe."
Ulquiorra grabbed a handful of Ichigo's hair and forced him onto his side. Ichigo slid downward, a strange, moist grit clinging to his clothes and skin. The scent of fresh earth assailed him and he realized what was happening.
"No! No! Please! Master, no!" Ichigo cried. He threw out his arms and legs, trying to stop his fall. The mouth of the hole began to crumble. The Master was too strong and his grip was too tight on Ichigo's hair. "No! Please don't! Don't!"
Ulquiorra shoved Ichigo into the newly dug hole. Ichigo leapt up, grabbing the sides. The edges crumbled, sending dirt into Ichigo's eyes and mouth. He spit rudely, lunging toward the surface again. "Master!"
"You'll be fine in there." Ulquiorra murmured absently, sending piles of dirt into the hole. "It's not as if it will kill you."
"Master! Please!" Ichigo sobbed, his stomach twisting and his heart pounding. "Let me out."
"I will let you out." Ulquiorra replied, dumping feet of dirt into the hole. He moved quickly, too quickly for Ichigo to escape. He pressed Ichigo down with his feet as he buried the shifter up to his shoulders. "When the contract runs out."
And then, with a massive sweep of his hands, he filled the hole and covered the top, burying Ichigo inside. He stood up, brushing his soiled hands together. He grabbed a bit of wood, yanking it free of the wall. He dropped it on the ground and stomped it down roughly. Ulquiorra sat down on the rough, rotting wood and closed his eyes, a sigh escaping his lips.