Same applies as before

Chapter 2

We dropped the confused author at the hospital stating that we had found him unconscious. He is supposed to go home by tomorrow afternoon. I'm not sure what will happen next, but I have my guard up just in case... man, it would have been neat if I had a successful author over for dinner... gosh darnit Eragon!

So, now we are back in what is supposed to be my backyard, and lucky for me, I had not a single ticket on the way back there! Happy dance!

I collapse and sigh heavily by the magic door. Eragon is dismissed by Murtagh, and he sits next to me also and strokes my hair. "How did Paolini get here?" he asks calmly.

"Oh, he just kind of drove here and-" I pause in shock.

"What is it?"

"His car... it's gone," I whisper and look at the vacant road shoulder suspiciously.

"Do you think...?" his words fail him.

"Bah, whatever. Probably got stolen by some weirdo next door." I dismiss and cross my arms.

"That wasn't sincere," Murtagh remarks in surprise. Jesus, he knows me so well it's creepy.

"Yeah, I know... I have a really bad feeling about all of this. You just wait, I bet some weird secret agents will come wearing sunglasses and suits."

I open my eyes and groan, I can't believe I actually fell asleep outside when there are creepers, taratnulas, and hobos roaming through this area! I can't believe it's already morning either! I try to stir, but then I realize that I am bound to the ground. I panic, but then realize that it is just Murtagh, embracing me tight, fast asleep. I give up trying to move and sigh.

I hear someone signing in the distance, cars speeding by, the wind is blowing softly and reminding me of the coming day, a dragonfly buzzes past. I c lose my eyes, comforted by the sudden peacefulness of the area...

"Dooo-do-d-do! DO! Do-do-do-d-d-doooo!" The singing is growing louder, and I open my eyes in irritation. In the distance, I see a little kid jumping up and down... and he's coming closer... wait, he's on top of a pig.

"Christopher!" I yell at the boy, "for Christ's sake tone it down!"

He continues to ride his beast... well... pig, and suddenly sits up really straight, expanding his chest to look as regal and heroic as possible, which is really hard to do when you are Chris P. Cream. He stops right in front of me and dismounts his pink sidekick, who is panting heavily, exhausted. "Greetings Rose!" he boomed, "I came by to see how thee fared!"

"Chris, you weirdo," I mutter. "Why are you even here? Isn't your mom and my dad worried about where you are?"

He does not look so majestic anymore. "Well, I kinda snuck out. I get lonely! I hate it when I have to be stuck with Nick!"

"You're little brother is-"

"Our little brother!"

"Our little brother isn't good enough?"

"No, he's... he's... he's not like other boys!" Chris cries. "Why did you have to leave me there all alone with those people?"

"Christopher," I shush, "Murtagh's sleeping."

He look at the sleeping man, and then back at me in shock. His face suddenly twists with disgust. "EWWWW! What are you guys doing out here like this? You guys are doing that stuff already? I hope you don't get any weird diseases or-"

"Chrisopher! I am doing no such thing!"

"Oh, okay... so what's up?"

"Have you watched the news?"

"No."

"Oh, well, our door's on the news because rumors have been spreading."

His eyes grow so wide I'm surprised he didn't croak. "Have people tried to get in yet?"

"No... well Paolini came to visit."

"NO WAY!"

"He's gone now though... He had to leave a bit early."

"Oh... so what's gonna happen now, Rose?"

I think for a while...

"Whoa... Rose there's some weird-looking and suspicious guys coming towards us," Chris stares behind us, and I peer from behind him.

There are two men who are wearing sunglasses and suits... I punch Murtagh awake. "Hey, Murry! I totally called it, you owe me a quarter!"

Murtagh groans and sits up, "I didn't know we made a bet for money." He looks tiredly at the men who are coming our way and suddenly stands up. I do the same.

The men stop in front of us and study each of our faces. One touches a device connected to his ear and says, "We found them."

I stare in awe. "Whoa, who are you guys?" I ask.

"We are no one of importance," they reply in unison.

Whoa, it's like Baldy and Balder all over again, except... they have hair and they are Asian. I formulate possible pairing names for them when they ask, "Are you Rose and Christopher?"

Christopher opens his mouth, "Yes."

"But I think you got the wrong Rose and Chris," I interject, "I mean, there's millions of people with those names!"

"We are taking you under interrogation," one says.

Murtagh suddenly tries to take action, throwing a fist at one, but as quick as lightning, his punch is blocked, and he in return is punched, and thrown to the ground. He does not move.

"What did you do to my boyfriend you... you jerks!" I shriek, and sissy fight one, but I am easily overtaken, and slung over a shoulder. The other makes for Chris, and he screams. Man, we really fail in the real world, it's pretty sad, PRETTY sad!

"Gilbert, run Gilbert run!" he cries, and his pig begins to cry and run helplessly around in a circle.

"Get that animal," orders my captor to his partner as he grabs my brother by the arm so that we are both caught. His partner chases the pig endlessly in a circle, and Chris laughs and cheers. Gilbert, the amazing pink pig then ran off, chased by the secret agent man, towards the distant creek and disappeared over the small knoll in front of us. Squeals fill the air for about a minute and then Gilbert reappears over the small slope with a pair of pants in his mouth, the same man chasing after him, shirtless, rainbow underwear exposed to all.

"Hey, where can I get some underwear like that?" I call out to him and laugh.

"Shush you!" My secret agent captor growls.

"Ah, I'm not afraid of no Secret Asian man!" I argue. I begin screaming and kicking as he drags Christopher and I off. "Someone! Someone, anyone! Save me!" I cry, "Someone SAVE ME! Oh, save me!" Man I sound like a pathetic little princess...

Then, a nearby tree stump explodes and shoots black widows and bark pieces into oblivion, and in the dust of the explosion is the dark shape of a tall, and broad-shouldered man... the dust dissipates, and reveals-

"Holy shit it's-"

-Arnold Schwarzenegger with cool shades and a governor's outfit. He walks over and says, "I'm baack."

The Secret Asian men stop, and stare, and I frown, and ask, "Back from what? You weren't ever here!"

He looks at me. "I have come to help you." Helicopters are hovering above in awesomness.

"Listen here bud," I grow angry fast, "Help me and everyone with this: stop cutting money from our schools! I'm really sick of our terrible school systems! And stop spending money on useless stuff like laser planes! …. wait, laser planes are caused by the military... Same thing! You're the terminator!"

His stare grows cold, and a shadow from above suddenly envelopes his figure, a helicopter suddenly crashes into another, and Arnold falls as his face gets smashed by a foot. Chuck Norris's foot.

"Chuck Norris!" I gasp. "Oh, mythly person who probably is not all that amazing in real life, help us, HELP US!

He nods, and rushes towards us, the sky filling with the fire of the helicopters above.

So, hello. It gets better later. Oh and by the way! Everything I said about "my house" honestly and completely applies to the house my mother and I actually rent. Yes, it was actually built on an insane asylum. We moved out of it a while ago though, and now we own something much more decent.