For breakfast, they had to move into one of the bigger dining halls because there were so many of them, and it became a feast. There was so much food, including special dishes for Zuko, Katara, Sokka, and Suki that were meant to symbolize long life, happy marriage, and many children. When Hau came in to deliver the schedules, Katara held her breath.
"No bad news just yet, my lady," he said, bowing with a smile. "I took the liberty of preparing a schedule for you as well. Avatar Aang, here is a list of scrolls and bound books that you might find helpful in aiding the Earth Kingdom. Should you wish to take any of them out, Head Librarian Eno will be more than willing to help."
Aang accepted his schedule, albeit gloomily. He rubbed his head a lot, shooting glances at her and Zuko, but he didn't say anything until breakfast was nearly over.
"Are we really just going to sit here and pretend that we're not mad?" he asked. "You… I can't believe you'd both be so selfish."
Katara stopped, food halfway to her mouth, looking at Aang in disbelief. He was seeking confirmation from someone, but everyone was stunned into silence. When Aang turned to her, there were tears in his eyes, and he was stubbornly trying to hold them back. He wore his emotions on his sleeve, and he was struggling to keep them in check, the pain still fresh in his eyes.
"You lied to me, Katara—"
"Aang, please…"
"You looked me in the face and you lied every time."
Katara looked away, and Zuko squeezed her hand. She was glad to have him with her this time.
"Though I would have preferred them to be honest with at least a few of us, Aang," Iroh said, "I can understand their reasons. Life is not always so kind to us that we can bear our burdens publicly."
"Does no one care that they've been sneaking around behind our backs? That they didn't care enough about how they might hurt us—"
"For one thing, Aang, it was kinda obvious." Toph crossed her arms and frowned in Aang's direction. "Just because you were too blind to see doesn't mean that no one else was."
"So you all were in on it? Just keep it from Aang, he doesn't need to know anything," Aang said, his voice rising. He threw his hands up, then refused to look at any of them. He stubbornly wiped at his eyes.
"What would you have done if I told you?" Zuko asked quietly. "What difference would it have made?"
"I don't know, but you took that choice away from me."
"Look, Aang, I understand you're hurt, but you guys broke up more than a year ago." Sokka tried to reach across the table, but Aang didn't meet him. "At some point you've got to let go—"
"Who would you have chosen for her?"
"Whoah, back up, Aang. In case you didn't realize, I'm capable of making choices for myself."
Katara hadn't expected that to come out of Aang's mouth. He was hurting, and Aang didn't always think rationally when he was in pain, but Sokka had a point. He was the one who refused to move on. He chose to hold out hope that she'd change her mind. That was his own fault, his own problem.
"I thought you had made your choice," Aang pleaded. "No matter what, you came back to me. Me, Katara. No one else."
Katara sat speechless, looking at Aang with all the hurt and sincerity plain on his face. She never considered that he might read so much into their separations and reunions. For her, Aang had always been someone comfortable. She knew what to expect from him, and she did truly enjoy spending time with him. Katara looked away, but she could still feel Aang's eyes on her.
"That's not exactly a healthy relationship, Aang," Hakoda said, looking between Aang and Katara. "The two of you never discussed where your relationship would go in the future? Never?"
Katara winced. She'd avoided that conversation because she knew where their relationship would go. Even if she hadn't loved Zuko, as the years moved on, Katara realized she couldn't always be in Aang's shadow. She hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings, and rightly or wrongly, she kept quiet.
"No," she said. "No, we didn't."
"You heard what Aunt Wu said!" Aang said, pointing to himself. "You'd marry a powerful bender—"
"What the hell am I?" Zuko asked, insulted. "Reality check, Aang, you aren't the only—"
"I'm the Avatar!"
"Look around you! I'm the Fire Lord, Hakoda's Chief of the Southern Water Tribe, Sokka and Suki are the next Chief and Chieftess, Katara's the next Fire Lady. You play that Avatar shit with someone else, but don't bring your all important attitude here, because it means fuck all in this room."
Both were on their feet, their chests heaving with anger and indignation and pain, nearly yelling at the top of their lungs. So many confused faces looked on, and Katara wished this moment would just end and never be brought up again.
"You were all so intent on sparing my feelings," Aang said, his face turning red, "that you never once thought how any of this would make me feel when I found out."
"Look, Aang, I made my choice—" Katara started.
"What happened under Ba Sing Se?" Aang shot an accusatory finger at her, and a rumble of 'not this again,' and 'get over it,' and 'why are you so stuck on Ba Sing Se?' went through the room.
Katara very nearly pulled out her hair, and was about to answer, but Zuko beat her to it.
"I fucked her." A pin could have dropped three islands away, and they would have heard it. "I fucked her against those green crystals."
Everyone was looking at her, and she was furiously denying it, angry with Zuko for saying something like that, her cheeks flaming red, demanding that he take it back, but he wasn't listening.
"I knew it! I knew something had to happen because there was no way Katara could ever…" Aang flopped back in his chair, his arms crossed, refusing to look at anyone.
Beside her, Zuko was shaking, his head down. She'd seen the undisguised hurt that crossed his face when Aang suggested that no one would willingly love Zuko. He was quiet for a bit, but he swallowed hard and finally spoke.
"If you would so willingly believe that about Katara…" he said, his voice flat. "We were only in there for a few hours, but if you are so ready to believe that she would throw herself at just anyone, then you don't deserve her."
"Don't deserve her? How could I not? I saved the world for her."
Ursa moved to stand beside Aang, pulling him to her and wrapping her arm around his shoulder. Whether he realized it or not, Aang collapsed into her touch, allowing himself to be held and comforted.
"No one doubts your love, Aang," Ursa said, stroking his shoulder. "But no matter how much you love Katara, you cannot force her to love you in the same way."
The room was quiet, everyone on the edge of their seats, not quite sure what they should do or say. Katara took one glance at Ursa, her eyes hardened like steel, and couldn't look in that direction anymore. Aang took deep, shuddering breaths that it was impossible not to hear. Katara also didn't miss the way her father looked at her, disappointed all over again. She knew they would be having another discussion later, but this time, she wouldn't let herself run away from it.
"I'm so sorry, Aang…" Katara said.
"I don't know that you are, Katara," Aang mumbled into Ursa's shoulder.
Toph let out a frustrated scream, slamming her hands down on the table. "Why do you always act like you're the only one who gets to be happy? Can't you see that they love each other? Why can't you just be happy for them?"
"Toph." Zuko put his hand on Toph's shoulder, but she just shrugged him off.
"You could have been happier so many times over by now, but no. Not you. You only had eyes for Katara. You ignored every other girl who could have loved you the way you want to be loved."
When she said what she had to say, Toph kicked her chair back and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her hard enough to rattle the cups on the table. Sokka looked around the room before going after her, and Aang showed no signs of acknowledging anything Toph said. He clung to Ursa as if she was his life support, and she rubbed soothing circles on his back.
"Let's have a little walk, shall we?" Ursa asked, steering Aang toward the door.
Chem smiled to himself. His full strength had not been gathered, but there was no more opportune moment than this to strike. All of them were distracted; they would not be at their best. It had worked when fighting the Phoenix Brigade, and it would work when fighting the Fire Lord.
He slipped his hands inside his sleeves and left the palace grounds. The nobility said this was his city, and in it, he was untouchable. They were merely shaken up by the arrest and ongoing investigation of two prominent council members. They weren't willing to make such a public show of their own power and dislike for the Fire Lord, but he managed to get some on his side. A temporary truce with some of Ozai's supporters had bumped his ranks from 304 to 350, and there would be another ship coming in sometime that afternoon. Bo would be on that ship, and if everything went according to plan, they would all meet tomorrow evening for instruction.
Given more time, he could have easily doubled his numbers, but time was not always his friend. He understood that sometimes you just had to strike. He would take all three of them down—the Fire Lord, his traitor mother, and his lovesick paramour. It wouldn't hurt him to try and befriend the Avatar, play to his emotions. He was still young, and Chem pitied him. He'd seen the boy following his waterbender around the palace, but she steadily avoided being alone with him. Why her father allowed his daughter to slip further into disgrace with the Fire Lord was beyond him.
Chem pulled out a key and opened the door on the small apartment he'd secured for himself using some of the Fire Lord's money. Until the big payoff came, he would have to content himself with petty victories. Barely inside the apartment, Chem froze. Someone was waiting.
"Who are you? Why are you in my house?"
"It's me, Chem. Fei. Sorry I haven't been in contact more frequently." Fei pulled back a few of the curtains Chem routinely kept closed, and light flooded the apartment. "I was…detained."
In the increased lighting, Fei began removing his shirt, and Chem saw signs of torture. There were tiny pinpricks all along Fei's chest. Chem knew that technique—heated metal pins inserted into the skin, searing and burning. Marks made where most clothing would cover them. Scratches made with a metal claw. Something that looked to be a burn mark on Fei's shoulder. The only injury that would be visible when Fei was fully clothed was a bruised and swollen lip, something no one would look at twice.
"Do not let them tell you that torture is outlawed under Fire Lord Zuko." Fei's eyes were distant, and he did not look directly at Chem. "Rue suffered a worse fate."
Chem's eyes flashed dark. He knew exactly what kind of 'worse fate' she would suffer, and only hoped that her death was some relief to her suffering.
Katara was convinced there was no such thing as a short meeting when the Fire Nation was involved.
"Special provisions should be made in the wedding contract," one minister said. "This is the Fire Nation—"
"Yes," Hau said, rolling his eyes. "We are very aware that this is the Fire Nation. Fire Lord Zuko is aware, Lady Katara is aware."
This meeting was to inform Zuko's council of their engagement, and to slowly begin transferring some duties to Katara. Half an hour in, it devolved into mindless objections and idiocy with not enough rational voices. They'd been cooped up in that meeting room for two hours, and there were three council members who hadn't even posed any objections to their engagement, rather complaining that Katara will have more authority than they would. Zuko hadn't even dignified that with a response.
"Zuko and I have already discussed this, and it can go in the marriage contract. I have no intention of putting a waterbender on the Fire Nation throne." Katara crossed her arms and stared down the grumpy old man.
"I don't want some…outsider to come in here and start dominating the Fire Lord."
"We wanted balance, there's balance, now shut up!" another minister protested, spittle flying from his mouth, clearly having tired of the proceedings long ago.
"There are people who believe she only seduced the Fire Lord so the other nations can keep an eye on us. There's some kind of conspiracy going on."
"This is a great opportunity for the Fire Nation. I can't believe any of you are turning down the chance to have two master benders on the throne!"
"The last thing we need is some massive display of power."
The voices echoed on, arguing with each other, and forgetting that Zuko and Katara were in the room for long stretches of time. Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose, groaning loudly, and Katara gave him a hug. It had been a tough morning, and a tough council meeting wasn't making things any better. Though he was still listening, Katara knew Zuko well enough to see the signs of thickly masked hurt as he attended to his duties. That comment from Aang had been like a barb straight through Zuko's heart, hitting every point of insecurity and doubt that still dwelled within him.
"I will entertain reasonable objections to my marriage with Katara, however, nothing approaching reasonable objections have been raised in the past hour," Zuko said, his voice stern and commanding. "I am not marrying her for political reasons, though I won't deny that there are political implications to our marriage."
"My lord, the qualifications! She has no political background—"
"Our relationship is weakest with the Northern Water Tribe. As a prominent member of the Southern Water Tribe, Katara…" Zuko paused, gesturing at her, and she smiled very politely at them. "Katara will be our strongest ally in showing Chief Arnook that my rule is vastly different from Ozai's, Azulon's and Sozin's. Our marriage will prove to the world that ours is a new Fire Nation. Katara is known as a kind and compassionate person, but fiercely protective of people she cares for. If she can love me, then the Fire Nation must have redeeming qualities and cannot be dismissed simply on past events."
The council was quiet in the face of Zuko's warning look. Katara wondered how much of this objection also had to do with their not being consulted in the matter. Zuko still refused to give them back that law making power they wanted so desperately. A few people grumbled, but no further objections were raised. Now she saw why Zuko always said the Fire Nation would descend into madness and cannibalism without him.
Katara shadowed Zuko for most of the day as he moved from one meeting to the next. He poured himself into his work, and refused to leave his office for lunch, mumbling something about needing to catch up on paperwork before people started sending in permit renewals and the next serious council session.
She sighed a lot, but Katara let him have his space. He would talk when he was ready.
Toph had been right about her need to confront Aang. She'd been wrong to assume that shielding Aang would do him any good, and in the end all it did was make him angry with her. She didn't want to lose Aang as a friend, and the only way she could do that would be to mend the bridge as soon as possible. She sought out Aang to have that conversation she should have had with him when he first showed up, and so many times before. She found him in the stables, brushing Appa. She rapped on the wooden door as she approached.
"Aang? We need to talk."
"Funny, I remember saying that to you, and you blew me off."
He had his back to her, and Katara lightly rested her hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry for that. I should have had the courage to face you and tell you the truth. But honestly? I didn't want to have this conversation because I know you still love me."
Aang roughly shook off her touch. "Did you ever love me?"
"I did, Aang. I still do."
Aang turned to face her, his expression so uncharacteristically serious. He kept his distance from her, but he stood his ground, looking directly at her. "I was trying so hard to give you everything—"
"I didn't want things, Aang," Katara said, gesturing around her. "You're a great person to be around, and we always had fun, but I need more than zoos and penguin sledding."
"Did you and Zuko really…" Aang made a nervous gesture with his hands, almost as if he was trying to pick the right words out of the air. "You know…in Ba Sing Se."
It would be inappropriate for her to roll her eyes or whack Aang, no matter how much she wanted to. She crossed her arms and glared at him instead. Despite everything that he knew about her, Aang was holding on to the hope that something forced her to be with Zuko. If she just loved Zuko more than him, he wouldn't be the most popular kid with the most friends and the prettiest girlfriend. Who would he show off to, then?
"Why would you believe that about me?" Katara took a few steps back. "And if you don't realize what a personal, intimate gesture it was for me to touch his scar right then… Maybe you're not ready for a serious relationship."
Aang looked wounded again, physically recoiling from her.
"It's his scar, Katara. I don't understand what that has to do with a serious relationship, or with you and him…you know."
Katara sighed, hugged her elbows. "I saw a side to him I'd never seen before. He was kind and understanding." Katara paused, her brows furrowed. "He…he was so open with me, and when I told him about my mother, he told me about his mother, and there was so much sadness and pain in his voice."
She'd been shocked to hear Zuko—Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation, of all people—reveal that he'd been hurt so badly, and he'd been marked and cast out, and he just wanted to get home and find some normalcy again. He didn't tell her then just how he got his scar, but Katara believed that maybe, just maybe, all he needed was someone beside his uncle to look at him and say that he was worthy.
"Intimacy and sex aren't always the same thing, Aang. I need intimacy. I want sex. You can't even say it."
"I just choose not to." Aang broke his steadfast eye contact, turning his body away from her.
"Say it, Aang."
"No."
"Sex. Sex, sex, sex. I have sex with Zuko, and I enjoy it."
Aang made a frustrated noise and covered his ears. Katara was about to push him again, but she caught herself. This wasn't what she came to speak to Aang about. Her goal had never been to push him into something he wasn't ready to do. Katara took a deep breath, bringing her emotions under control. This wasn't the time for her to get angry with Aang. After all the ways she'd hurt him, she didn't have that right anymore.
"When did you learn about his scar, Aang?"
Aang shrugged, confused. "I don't know. A year or two after the war?"
"And when did he tell you who scarred him?"
Aang looked down, catching her meaning. Zuko was not very open about his past wounds, and it had taken him nearly two years for him to tell them what his scar meant, and even longer to tell them who scarred him.
"He told me last year."
"He told me about his scar in the Crystal Catacombs, and he told me who scarred him on the way back from the Southern Raiders."
It was hard to look at Aang and see the rejection on his face, the realization that he'd never truly had a chance. It was hard to look at him and know that things could never be the same between them. When Aang latched onto something, it was hard for him to let go.
"I know you didn't mean what you said to Zuko. About no one possibly being able to choose him over you. You should apologize. That really hurt him."
Aang rubbed his neck and turned back to a sleeping Appa. "I'll talk to him."
So, Aang gets to say what others might have thought. But up to 11, because he's far more emotionally involved. Aang doesn't intend to be rude and sexist and pushy; he just wants someone to look at things from his angle. He looks around him and sees that everyone's siding with Zuko and Katara, and that no one appears to be thinking about just how betrayed they've really been (at least from his POV). Also, I think Aang would be only focused on Katara, completely ignoring any other girl that might be interested in him. Once he got what he saw as confirmation from Katara, he wouldn't be interested in anyone else. And yes, that was unrequited Taang you saw ;) The best thing would be for Katara and Aang to have their space at this point, but you know Katara. She gets pushy. That, more than anything, is what could ruin their relationship. She'll feel that need to reconcile everything right then, and Aang's just not feeling it. He only just found out about it. I'm not going to touch the issue about Chem and the torture just yet. You'll have to wait and see about that.