A/N: I am so so so so so so sorry for the super long wait. I thought that once summer came I would have more time but I guess not. Thank you for being so patient. Love you all!
Song of Chapter: 'I Never Told You' by: Colbie Caillat
Ally's P.O.V
"Hi Austin" I reply, not saying anything else, and waiting for him to respond. There's this awkward silence between us and it slowly becomes more intense. I take a deep breath before deciding saying something else. "I saw your concert..."
"I figured" Austin says in reply.
"I liked it." I say trying to get a reaction out of him.
"Thanks." He says as if choosing his words wisely, and not wanting to say the wrong thing. I have no idea what to say to him, it's kind of frustrating. I don't remember talking to him being this hard- well I don't remember a lot of things.
"Well... Um how are you?" I ask, but then regret asking as soon as the words escape my mouth.
Of course he's not doing okay!
I internally yell at myself.
"I've been better." He says.
Why so many few worded answers? Has he moved on? Does he not even want to talk to me? Was that concert only a thing to please the fans?!
All these thoughts are flooding through the my brain and I feel my heart progressively begin to beat faster as I start to panic, and my breathing become more intense.
"Um Ally?" I hear Austin on the other end.
"Yeah." I answer still trying to catch my breath.
"I uh- I asked how have you been." He says.
"Oh uh- I'm umm I-" I can't gather my thoughts and it's getting harder to breath.
"Ally are you okay?" Austin asks his voice a little bit more panicked.
"Yeah. I'm- uh." I stutter. Pain is now surging through my chest as if my heart is going to beat its way out. "I uh... I should go-" I barely say.
"Wait no- Ally what's going on?"
"I gotta go." I say as I start hyperventilating, and I hang up the phone dropping on the floor. I sit on the bed hiding my knees to my chest as I start to calm down. By the time a sorta calm down and get get back to a somewhat normal breathing rate Trish comes in.
"Ally I- Hey what happened are you okay?" She asks trying to mask the worry in her voice. I just nod my head not looking up at her or anything else.
"You didn't tell him did you?" I ask.
"Tell who what?"
"You didn't tell Austin about well... You know." I say referring to the fact that I have PTSD.
"Oh... No I didn't. I didn't want to worry him and I thought it would be best if you told him yourself." She explains but I don't say anything else for a while.
"Crap." I say under my breath.
"Ally?"
"Crap crap crap!" I say a little bit louder and more frustrated.
"Ally what's wrong? What happened?" Trish asks
"I called him Trish." I say looking up at her for the first time since she walked in. "I shouldn't have called him. I probably just screwed everything up ughhh!"
"What!? No, you most definitely did not screw everything up and calling him was a great idea that was the whole purpose of me showing you the concert tonight. So you could see that Austin's still here for you." Trish explains.
"Trish this stucks."
"What sucks?" She asks disregarding the obvious.
"Loving Austin!" I blurt out. "Loving Austin sucks" I exclaim. I see a smile starting to form on her face but she quickly masks it.
"Well now I'm completely confused." She responds
"I love him. I know I do, it's just I don't remember how I got to." I say
"...how you got to love him?"
"Yeah..." I try and figure out a better way to explain it. "It's like my brain is one big puzzle and I'm trying to put all the pieces back together, but half way through it I realize that there is a bunch of pieces missing. But there were just enough pieces for me to make out a small portion of the picture." I explain
"You've been watching to many movies." Is all she says
"Trish, I'm serious!"
"I know you are Ally, but why don't you tell Austin everything you just told me?"
"I don't know Trish... I'm scared." I say softly
"Of what?"
"Of hurting him more then I already have..." I say "What if I tell him about me and the regaining of some of my memories? I don't want to get his hopes up about me getting all of them back which I most likely won't. It would tear him apart even more then I already have, I can't do that to him Trish. I just can't."
"Hey, Ally look at me. You do realize that you are blaming this all on a 'what if' right? Do you know what is tearing Austin apart more then anything you just said?" She asks, but I don't give an answer. "Him loosing you. Right now, at this moment Austin thinks he has lost you forever. I know you saw how worn out he looked on stage tonight, that's because he is convinced he has lost the only thing that he loves more than anything including pancakes and music, and that's you. Knowing Austin he would rather want to be with an Ally who hardly remembers anything about him except for the fact that she loves him instead of not having you at all. So please don't hurt yourself and him because at the moment it seems like he'd be better off without you, because we both know he won't and you won't." Trish concludes. I don't say anything, and after a few seconds I hear Trish take a deep breath before standing up off the bed. "I should go. You must be tired anyway." She says as she heads toward the door.
"Trish... Thanks." I saw before she exits the room.
Its been a week since Austin had the concert for me and I somewhat tried and talked to him before I freaked out, had a panic attack, and hung up on him. Ever since that night I haven't been able to get what Trish said to me out of my head, about Austin giving up but Trish hasn't said one word about that night since it happened.
"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you? I could always meet up with Dez later." Trish says coming into the kitchen where I currently was. Trish is supposed to be l aging and hanging out with Dez for a few nights out of town since there isn't as much shows going on so he decided to come back on a vacation. She's just worried because I took Jimmy's advice in getting out and doing something where I can be seen, so I decided to go out to some movie premiere thing that I was invited too.
"I'm positive. I'll be fine besides I'm just going to sit down and watch a movie and then come home. I don't even have to drive that limo guy is coming to pick me up right?"
"Yeah, but before you actually watch the movie there are a lot of questions asked and pictures taken are you sure you can handle it?" She asks worried
"Yes Trish I'm sure. You said I've been to one before right? Well probably when I get there I'll remember what's it's like and I'll be fine. What movie is it anyway?" I ask
"I don't know. Tell me again why you can't just choose something else to do or why you have to do anything at all."
"Because it seemed easy enough and I can't just stay in here cooped up like a bird all day everyday. I have to get out, get my mind off things and that's exactly what I'm planning on doing while your gone. The doctors said it's safe for me to drive so I'm going to get out." I say
"Okay okay I understand... Just call me if anything happens okay? ANYTHING!"
"I'm not making any promises. You need to get out too I'm not going to be the one to ruin your trip for you. Now go have fun okay? I'll be right here waiting to hear all about it when you get back, and say hi to Dez for me okay?"
"Okay." Trish says, her face still with a hint of worry, but she gives me a hug and grabs her suitcase before walking out the door. I know she's excited to go and see Dez, but she doesn't want to show it.
"Ally! Are you and Austin broken up?!"
"Have you stopped writing music?!"
"When are you going to preform again?! Are you even going to preform again?!"
"Why aren't you on tour with Austin?!" All of these questions are just keep coming one after another and I don't know whether to answer them or just walk away.
I try and make my way into the theater but in order to get here I have to make my way through the an obstacle course full of camera flashes and questions about your personal life.
Keep calm, take deep breaths, and smile. Focus on getting inside, and don't freak out.
I repeat to myself over and over as I make my way through the crowd. I'm not gonna lie this is terrifying and I just need to get inside before I really do freak out. As I make my way through the crowd a lady with a microphone pulls me aside.
"So Ally why aren't you on tour with Austin?" The lady asks as she points the microphone in my face. I guess I have to answer this time.
"Well... uh We um.. We thought it would be best if I just stayed behind this time." I stutter, but I hope it was a good enough answer so I could go now.
"As we all know you were in an awful crash a couple months ago, how has things changed?" She asks.
Do I really have to answer this question? I ask in my head. I try and think on how to answer since we decided to keep the fact that I lost my memory from the public as best we could.
"Well um... I... It's just-" I start to feel claustrophobic, and like the air is being pulled right out of me.
"Well... Um how has Austin been with this long distance thing with him on tour and you back here? We could take a good guess after seeing the concert he dedicated to your a few night ago, but we would like to hear it from you." She asks seeing that I was struggling with the last question, but just the questions alone are freaking me out. I'm starting to feel dizzy and out of focus.
"Um I should go inside." I say walking off before I have another anxiety attack.
Austin's P.O.V
I'm one the couch in the tour bus watching the Inside Out movie premier interviews on the red carpet, because there is absolutely nothing else to do since Dez is gone and there is no practice for any shows until tomorrow. I see Erin, the blond who is in charge of the interviews, pull a someone aside. When the girl turns around I immediately recognize who it is. As the questions are being asked Ally looks more and more one edge. I pick up my phone and call Jimmy.
"Austin! What's up?" He asks
"Did you seriously allow Ally to go to that movie premier tonight?!" I yell into the phone.
"Well yeah. I'm actually there right now."
"Why would you let her go?! You know shes not ready for that type of exposure yet!"
Look Austin, I told she needed to be seen out before people started thinking the worse of her situation. This is where I suggested she should go and that's where she is. She's fine." He says to calmly.
"No she's not fine. She's alone and confused, and she's not ready to be answering these questions. Make her go home Jimmy."
"I'm not going to do that Austin, Like I said before she's fine." He says
"Take her home or I'll take her myself, and the tour will be over."
"We cannot afford for you to do that Austin you can't just leave in the middle of a tour."
"Then let Ally leave."
"Fine. I'll go find her and talk to her, but if she insists on staying she'll stay, and you will too." He says and then hangs up. I take a deep breath. I feel so helpless. Ally won't pick up my calls, and if I really do go back she won't want me back.
What the hell do I do?
A/N: Again sorry for the long wait, but I hope you liked it. Please review I love to read what you guys think. I'm still waiting on the review goal for my other story Warrior, so if you are reading please go review or review again, because I want to get to my goal before I update a new chapter.