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Song in the city.
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So I got to meet Song today. The Song! Sokka and I (and everyone else on Operation Fuzzy) have all heard so much about her from Kuei. It's like she's famous. And can I just say that Song is lovely. This could be me jumping to conclusions again, seen as though I only just met her, but she is such a genuinely nice person. She's actually a really amazing healer, even without waterbending! That girl really knows her herbs, let me tell you.
There was a big to-do in the Joo Dee reception hall, because when Song came – she bought Kuei with her and Kuei put all the Earth Kingdom healers in a flutter. Kuei was following Song, trying to dissuade her from working today. It was her first day in the Earth Kingdom capital and he wanted to properly show her around the Palace. He'd cancel all his meetings and just spend the day with her. He had such enthusiasm for this plan. He wanted to show her everything!
Song made a wry little smile and said everything could wait until after she had been properly introduced, so they didn't have to sneak around. Song didn't want to act like a thief and skulk around the Palace that will one day be her home. That didn't feel right to her – she'd just wait until she could explore it openly. Also Kuei shouldn't cancel his meetings on her account.
Right now, Song's presence is being kept hushed up and she is staying at one of the villas near the Palace. When she and Kuei arrived back late last night, the Dowager met them and took them to the villa, which will be Song's home until she is ready to be "launched" on society. *
*I don't really understand the concept of a society "launch". Honestly, they make it sound like they are going to fire Song out of a catapult into a waiting crowd or similar. Must ask Toph about this.
Song told me the Dowager had wanted to spend all day, everyday, for the next few weeks "preparing her for her launch" - But Song didn't know if she could manage a whole day of etiquette lessons. Song was a useful sort of person. She was used to doing a proper, actual job not sitting around learning the language of fans. But learning fan language was important to Kuei, so she had agreed to afternoon etiquette lessons with the Dowager, as long as she could have the mornings to herself. She'd told the Dowager that she'd still like to practise as a healer for the time being, (Heavens knows what the Dowager thought of that!) and had been directed here.
Yugoda gladly accepted Song's help – because we need all the help we can get. Song and I are the closest in age out of the healers – so it seemed natural that we should fall in together. I showed Song the ropes, so to speak. How we used the waterbending to help calm the mind, and all the teas to help prompt brain function and memory. Song actually had lots of great ideas and a few different suggestions for other herbal remedies.
Gosh – She has such a different knowledge base and techniques to Yugoda and even Dr Yang, and she told me that each region in the Earth Kingdom varies in its remedies and approaches. There is so much I still have to learn.
Song picked everything up really quickly and we worked together side by side for most of the morning. We took our breaks together and had a few laughs over tea. During lunch, I asked her about what was happening between her and Kuei. I was just bursting to know. I feel that I had been quite patient and respectful for holding off asking her as long as I did. I waited until lunch time! That's hours!
Song has been just itching to talk to someone about this, I reckon, because she was quite open with me. Or maybe she's just an open sort of person. We got along so well, and we'd had such a nice morning together, that by lunch time she obviously felt comfortable telling me. Can I just say it was so lovely to make friends with a nice girl close to my own age (Song is a bit older) who is also interested in healing. I love Toph and Suki, but we have very different interests sometimes.
Song told me all about their first meeting and how they got together (which was very romantic!) and how she first started to love him because he was so kind and unassuming. Then their relationship got more serious and Kuei so very much wanted to help her and her village and she came to love him because he was so sincere and hard-working. He made her feel beautiful inside and out everyday that he was with her. She loved him for that most of all.
I was a bit confused about this, mostly because I couldn't comprehended how Song could have a hard time feeling beautiful. She has a very pretty face and a sweet nature. She toyed with her lunch for a second and then murmured softly that it was difficult for her sometimes, to feel pretty, because she had some rather unsightly scars. I was a bit gobsmacked in surprise. Her skin seemed flawless.
She stretched her legs out and lifted her skirt enough to show me her calves. The skin there had been marred terribly by horrid, red welts that twisted their way all around her legs like painful latticework. I inhaled sharply, just on reflex and tutted in sympathy. Then I asked did it hurt ( idiotic, stupid, terrible thing to say)...for ages? (saved, but only just).
Song said that she had only been a child when it happened, so she didn't remember how much it hurt. (Even if she didn't remember, this made it so much worse in my opinion. Some jerkface did that to her when she was a little kid? Who takes a firewhip to a child?) She said what had hurt more was how ugly it made her feel. She thought no man would ever want her. They would see her scars and run a mile. But then she'd met Kuei, and he'd accepted this as just another part of her.
I uncorked my bending water and asked her if she would like me to have a go healing them. I could see if I could make them look better at least. But Song waved me off. She thanked me for the offer, but said they had healed long ago, and she didn't think water-bending healing would do much good at this stage and I should save my energy for the Joo Dees. Besides, I'm used to them by now. She said with a slight shrug.
She pulled her skirt back down and said oh gosh, I feel rude. We've been talking so much about boring old me – but I haven't asked anything about you! She exclaimed. Evidently she wanted to change the subject. Do you have a boyfriend? She asked pleasantly.
I had a conflicted moment. I mean Zuko and I have been trying to keep everything so secret. But Song had been so open and honest with me and it didn't feel quite right lying to her. Saying, no I don't have a boyfriend wouldn't feel quite right anyway. I ended up telling her that I was seeing someone, but we had to keep it very secret on account of my tribe. (They are part of the reason at least, so it is not a complete lie).
Song mimed locking her lips with a key and then said say no more. I know all about that. I have to be hidden for weeks until I am "presentable." Her mouth quirked a little and dropped in the corners as she said "presentable." It was like the word tasted bitter in her mouth. I could see that she didn't find being hidden ideal, but I didn't know what to say to make her feel better about it.
She was a bit nervous about spending time alone with the Dowager this afternoon. I felt that I should warn her about what I had overheard the Dowager say about her and Kuei. I didn't want to rain all over her parade like a big, grey rain cloud of doom, but I felt like she should have forewarning before she spent an entire afternoon with the woman.
Song seemed a bit stung by what I told her about how against them the Dowager was. I felt like a mean person for telling her, like I'd kicked a puppy. Song, like Aang, always wants to see the best in everybody. She wants to like and be liked by everybody. She didn't want to think her future mother-in-law disliked her.
She looked at me imploringly and said that she really hoped I had misheard or misunderstood. The Dowager had set her up with a house and had invited her for tea and helped her settle in – she'd even promised to devote every afternoon to getting Song ready to be "launched."Surely she would not do all that if she was completely against us? Song concluded hopefully.
Yes she would. Inviting you over for tea -Classic manoeuvre. Keep you friends close and your enemies closer and all that. Mai interjected flatly. She'd come up behind me and had evidently overheard the last of our conversation. Song looked up and smiled in greeting at Mai and scooted over so there'd be room for her to sit down. Mai sat down and looked straight at Song and her nervous face. She tried for a softer tone, and said Just remember what we practices on the trip back.
Song nodded, as if she was taking in every word. Then she looked between us and seemed a bit startled and said oh now – I forgot to introduce you two! With some alarm. She turned to Mai and said oh, no! That's terribly rude isn't it. She then bumbled quickly through a hasty introduction. Mai waved her off and said we already knew each other. If fact she had come here to see me.
Me? What? Why?
Mai continued and said that she was glad that she had run into Song before her lesson. Song confessed to Mai that she was so nervous. What should she do – now that she knew the Dowager didn't like her. Should she talk to her about it and try and show her majesty that she was a really nice person. Oh no, don't do that. Don't let her know that you know she doesn't like you. Just try and feel her out. This is only your first lesson. Mai said quickly. She gave Song a bit more advice - straighten up your posture. Don't look her in the face, but don't let her intimidate you either in her calm monotone. Then the gong rang and Song had to dash off. She didn't want to be late.
It was only then that Mai's impassive face dropped and she looked very concerned for a second. She muttered Poor girl. I feel like I've led a lamb to the slaughter. Under her breath after Song's retreating figure. She might be alright. She's very sweet. I said optimistically. Mai quirked an eyebrow and said the old baggage looks like she'd eat "sweet" for breakfast. I had to sadly nod in agreement.
I remembered that Mai had said she had come to see me, so I took the opportunity to ask her what she had wanted. Mai said she wanted to talk to me, which was quite odd. I have been feeling quite terrible for the way I have treated Mai in the past, so I immediately agreed to a chat, despite this little niggling feeling in the back of my head that something was askew with this situation. Mai has never previously expressed a desire to talk to me.
I asked what she wanted to talk to me about. There was an awkward moment, before she said I'm not sure. Girl things. We're both girls after all. We should have a girl chat. There was something distinctly off in the way she said that. There is something off about Mai wanting to have a girly chat with me to begin with. Yes, something was definitely askew. My suspicions were confirmed when Jet arrived behind Mai. Out of breath and red in the face, saying something like you thought I could charm my way past those guards, but you were wrong fool!
This obviously meant something to Mai because she narrowed her eyes at him and said flatly fuck off Jet. Jet declined to fuck off and instead came over and sat next to me and said maybe I want to talk to my old friend Katara here. Then he draped his arm over my shoulder and said how you doing, you sexy minx? Then he winked at me in what he thought was a winning fashion.
Oh, eww!
I jerked out from under his arm and went to sit over next to Mai. Mai smirked at my reaction to Jet's flirting and made a rather rude comment to Jet about his charms. Then she, very uncharacteristically for her, put her arm around my shoulder in (what I assumed at the time was) solidarity.
Mai said As you can see Doofus, Katara would prefer to spend time with me. I wasn't sure what was going on at that point, but Mai was still right. If I had to choose one of them to spend time with, it would be Mai. (How weird is that!?) Me and Mai don't have much to talk about and conversation is awkward, but it's still a lot better than talking to Jet. Mostly because Jet keeps going on about Zuko in a vaguely crazy way and I find it a bit off-putting.
So I piped up in support of Mai and agreed that we had been having a girly chat. Mai still with her arm around my shoulder said yes, we were talking about our periods. Jet seemed a bit grossed out. I've developed this weird symptom, you see and I was requesting Katara's medical advice. She continued. At first I was alarmed, because I thought that a too much information conversation with Mai was coming my way. I didn't realise at that point that she was just saying that to get rid of Jet. Jet still did not go away.
Mai gave him an arch look and then told me in a stage-whisper, lately I have just felt this insane urge to kill whenever I'm around an annoying boy. Then she glared at Jet. He just smiled at her and said cheekily Oh well, it's a good thing you broke up with Zuko then, eh? He's super annoying. Mai's calm veneer cracked and she slapped Jet upside the head and told him to fuck off again.
It was at this point that I got a bit fed up with both of them. I stood up abruptly and moved away from both of them and said that I didn't know what "their deal" was, but I had work to do and patients to attend to.
Mai stood up with me. Quicker than a flash, she stabbed the corners of Jet's sleeves into the table with two of her many knives. She then turned to me, while Jet was struggling comically behind her trying to free himself, and explained. She wanted to be straight with me. They were having a competition for who'll have cooking duties when they're on the road. June sent them on a scavenger hunt to test their skills. The person with the most items wins. The loser has to wear the daisy apron of shame.
One of the items on June's list was my waterskin. Mai was hoping I would lend it to her.
She then made grabby hands for the skin and I jerked back instinctively. The buckle jangled a bit and I realised that while she'd had her arm around my shoulder in "solidarity" - she'd actually been undoing the strap sneakily. Well, I never! I was about to launch into a rant about how she should have just asked me, but at that moment her eyes went wide and she shouted watch out! And I was unceremoniously tackled from behind by Jet.
Mai joined in the fray. And suddenly it was just three way anarchy! I was fighting off both of them and both of them were fighting eachother and fighting me trying to get the waterskin. My bending's not great at close range and this was as close as you can get. We were just one big pile of limbs – like a giant person sandwich of inelegant struggling on the floor of the break room. Elbows were utilised, hair was pulled (much to Jet's displeasure), ears were pinched. This was, hands down, the messiest, least dignified and most stupid fight I have ever been in.
I am almost ashamed to write how the fight ended. I wish I could say that I was in top fighting form and did something witty with my bending – but that wouldn't be true. Aside from sending ice down their necks, I didn't do much with my bending (and isn't that terrible! I'm a war hero for goodness sake. I should be able to beat off Mai and Jet). In my defence, I couldn't concentrate in the middle of a person sandwich.
What actually ended the fight was Mai's wiles. She used the old oh-look-over-there trick. She'd made her way to the top of the person sandwich and then she glanced up and said theatrically, oh my – is that shirtless Zuko? This was embarrassingly successful.
I looked, of course I did. But so did Jet! In fact he asked where? And squirmed underneath me to get a better view. This momentary distraction was all Mai needed. With her fast reflexes she cut the strap of the waterskin with one of her knives and held it aloft.
I have never seen Mai look quite as pleased with herself as she did in that moment. Haha, you both looked! She crowed before she fled with a very triumphant look on her face. Jet took off after her, yelling about how she had to stop cheating!
I was left feeling cross, confused, annoyed and alone with my hair dishevelled and my uniform all dirty. I sat a bit gobsmacked for a second, not sure what to do next after a giant person sandwich. That was how Yugoda found me a moment later. She's a practical sort. She made me a tea, fixed my hair, got me a new uniform and waterskin and listened to me bitch at length, and then sent me back to work.
-o-
I finished work for the day and then had to go get ready for another snotty dinner. This dinner is, once again, supposedly in Aang's honour (though Aang gets remarkably little say in these events.) Aang's idea of a party is very different to how parties are normally done in Ba Sing SE. Aang just wants everyone to eat custard, dance and laugh until they feel sick – but this is apparently undignified. Luckily for Aang, he gets one out of three tonight. Dancing will be organised after dinner.
Sokka, Aang, Dad, Bato and I were ready first. So we went to loiter in the atrium, where pre-dinner cocktails and those tiny little sandwiches were being served. Aang clung close to us, determined that he could sneak onto our table like a wily ninja. Aang said that the worst part of these fancypants dinners is that he is always made to sit at "the high table" with Kuei and the Dowager because he was the guest of honour. Aang was officially over being the guest of honour. He hated being so elevated above everyone else. He missed hanging out with us and just being able to relax.
Dad tried to cheer him up and said that tonight wouldn't be so bad. According to the seating chart, all the world leaders would all be on the high table tonight. So at least he'd have Dad, Suki and Zuko for company. Aang didn't appear any more enthusiastic for this dinner at that news. He didn't want to offend Dad, but Dad was good at talking politics to grown-ups and would probably end up doing that. Suki always ended up arguing with the Earth Kingdom leaders about Kyoshi's neutral status during the war, and Aang always tried to stay out of that argument
Zuko was no help lately. He kept absconding mysteriously during these dinners. This concerned Aang because Zuko was really good at keeping General Fong away from him. While Aang tries to love everybody – he just doesn't like that Fong! (Understandable – I do not like that Fong either, not after the drowning me in dirt thing that he did). Whenever Fong tried to talk to Aang, Zuko would get him to piss off. Aang greatly appreciated this service.
But now Zuko kept abandoning Aang to the other politicians and he'd been trapped in conversation with Fong twice! Aang was starting to wonder if he'd done something wrong to make Zuko keep storming off. Sokka put his arm around Aang and said Nah, it's not you buddy. Toph told me he's been having these crazy gastric problems lately. Aang nodded in comprehension. It's why he keeps buggering off. He probably doesn't want to like vomit on you in from of everyone. The firelord vomiting all over the avatar at a peace dinner wouldn't go down all that well. Sokka concluded sagely.
Zuko's "gastric problems" are taking on a life of their own. Every time it gets mentioned - a new symptom is added.
Aang looked very relieved for a moment and said It certainly wouldn't go down well with me. I've never had anyone vomit on me. Sokka decided to share that I had vomited on him heaps of times and it was always nasty. In my defense, bad whale-blubber affects us all! Sokka has also vomited on me on several occasions. Sokka and I were about to get into a squabble over who had vomited more, when Aang piped up with some concern Should we do something for Zuko to help him feel better – Katara what's good for vomit?
I was torn. It was a factual, medical question which I knew the answer to (and I do love answer those). But I didn't want to perpetuate the vomit rumour (Zuko's annoyed enough at how Toph keeps going on about his gastric problems and diet as it is). I ended up saying that soda water and ginger tea were normally good – but I didn't think it was necessary. Zuko's "gastric" problems would probably clear themselves up. Sokka voiced agreement with this. Yeah, Toph said he's fine and he doesn't want us to talk about it. Oh my gosh! Toph saying that was just blatant encouragement for the indefatigable gossip that is Sokka.
I mean he comes from a nation where people vomit fire – so I guess regular vomit is not so bad in comparison. Sokka hypothesised, while rubbing his chin and looking deep in thought. Aang's eyes bugged out like marbles and he gasped Do you think he vomits fire every time? With some alarm. At this point my Dad interjected, cutting off Sokka's theory of fire-vomit with a patient sigh. He said in a slightly scolding manner Kids – could we please not talk about vomit so much before dinner?
-o-
Suki arrived not long after that, and promised to try and protect Aang from Fong at the high table. She brought Mai and Ty Lee along. Mai pulled me aside and seemed almost a bit sheepish as she handed me back my waterskin with a brief apology for this afternoon's shenanigans. The strap of my skin had been repaired in several different coloured threads, which had been arranged to look like a rainbow.
Rainbow stitching from Mai? Well, well, well.
Ty Lee did the stitching Mai said quickly. She explained that Ty Lee had made her own costumes for the circus, so she was much better at this sort of thing. Mai had wanted to fix the skin before she gave it back to me. I had been a bit miffed about the inelegant person-sandwich and the hair pulling, but right at that moment, I found couldn't be mad at her. She had fixed my skin's strap and apologised and what more could I ask. Life's too short for me to get stroppy with Mai.
No hard feelings then? Mai offered, with what seemed like a very deep and probing look. I've never felt so scrutinised in my life. No hard feelings, I agreed.
I turned the waterskin over in my hands and looked for something else to say. We'd just come to a nice agreement and I felt like I should say something else. Something friendly. I ended up asking her if she'd won the little competition with Jet this afternoon. She smirked and said of course flatly, as if any other outcome was unthinkable. I asked how it was going anyway – bounty hunting training? Did she enjoy it? Mai said well, it's not at all boring with a really nice smile.
I asked where Jet was – mostly because I have become so used to seeing the two of them together. He's probably still looking for his invitation. Mai said with a wicked little Jet had turned on the charm for Kuei hardcore on their trip to collect Song. Kuei being the sweet and gullible sort, fell for it hook, line and sinker.
Jet wants to worm his way back into high society and convinced Kuei that he could "smooth the way" for Song. If the hoity-toities interacted with Jet (who they see as an uncouth and belligerent serf) they would have less reservations about Song (who is a sweet, educated and polite rustic). Mai, who knew how Jet "gets" at these sort of functions, and especially when he is in close proximity to Zuko, had decided to nip this foolhardy plan in the bud. She had wisely hidden Jet's invitation. He wont be able to get into the party without it.
Just at that point Zuko, Toph and Iroh arrived and joined our little group. Aang promptly gave Zuko a hug and told him to feel better. Zuko was a bit mystified by this and glanced at me in confusion. I whispered that Aang had just been told all about his "gastric problems" and was feeling concerned. Toph chortled to herself. Zuko rolled his eyes and sighed in a long suffering manner. He unclasped Aang's arms from around his middle and said he felt fine (a bit stroppily). Aang looked very relieved at this. Oh that's good. But if you feel a vomit coming you, can you warn me? Zuko made a face, but agreed.
-o-
After dinner, a space was cleared for dancing. This was the Dowager's compromise for Aang (who naturally wanted the whole evening to be a dance party). Aang was right in his element with Ty Lee, dancing for everyone. They both love the spotlight after all. Aang claimed that he wanted to show everyone here the different dances of the world with great enthusiasm.
He started with some common airnomad dances from his temple. A few diligent (or drunk) people in the audience tried to copy his and Ty Lee's movements (Sokka, my Dad and Iroh amongst them.) Aang then pointed out how these dances had a lot in common with some dances from the Southern Earth Kingdom. And the movements changed again. A lot more people joined in. Aang and Ty Lee smiled at each other widely. More than half the audience was joining in. They had obviously cooked up another sort of mad lets-heal-the-world-with-dance plan between them.
Suddenly Aang declared that he wanted to do a dance that he thought everyone in Ba Sing Se would know. Let's get everyone from the Earth Kingdom up and dancing now – because you'll all know this one. It's called "salute the King!" There was some cheering from the Earth Kingdom guests at this. Ty Lee smiled widely and said I have an idea, how about we get His majesty, King Kuei to join us up the front? There was much more cheering at this.
But Kuei did not appear. There was a slight awkward moment at that, but then Ty Lee spied him. He was standing behind the half closed doors to the balcony, seemingly oblivious to the ruckus going on behind him in the ballroom. She bounced over saying Your majesty – we need you for the next dance! She flung the door wide open to reveal Kuei standing there with Song. Aang came up beside Ty Lee and smiled at the two of them in a dapper manner and said Hey Kuei, who's your friend?
Neither of them had met Song yet. They were both being incredible friendly and drawing attention and neither of them realised it was the worst thing they could have done. All the Earth Kingdom nobles were starring at Song in confusion. Even the musicians stopped playing and were all leaning over each other, trying to get a good look at her.
Kuei only makes conversation with people who are "important" - and I could see them all trying to place Song. It seemed like they were all wondering what makes her so important? In a flash, the atmosphere had gotten very uncomfortable. Song was blushing furiously under all their collective examination.
In a minute their secret would be out and I didn't know what would happen, but I had a feeling it would be bad.
She's...err...she's a...Kuei began, stuttering slightly, which seemed to make things worse and only piqued their curiosity. I started to push through the crowd, determined to fix this situation. I didn't want Song to be embarrassed in front of all these people. I hastily thought about what to do. I could say she was here with me – that could work. If they thought she was water-tribe they probably wouldn't give her a second look...and they'd forget about this little faux pas in moment. In a day or two, they'd completely forget what she looked like. Then Song could still be "launched" at a moment of her choosing in a couple of weeks time.
My rescue attempts proved entirely unnecessary. Just as Kuei was stumbling for an answer, I heard Zuko expostulate Oh my fucking Agni in the sky! It's you! loudly from the front of the crowd, where he'd been dragged by his Uncle. He sounded a bit squiffy actually – which is never a good sign. It sounded like an accidental blurt of surprise. No matter how surprised Zuko was, Song seemed even more surprised to see him. She gaped at him, open mouthed, in shock.
What on earth was this? Zuko and Song knew each other? How?
All the Earth Kingdom hoity-toities who had been looking at Song in curiosity were now looking at Zuko. He seemed acutely concious on their stares. Uncle seemed to cotton onto what was going on (Toph and Zuko had informed of operation fuzzy after all). He tried to make it better at that point. He whispered something to Zuko and then stepped in front of everyone, and said in a diplomatic voice My Nephew apologises for his outburst. He is just... glad to see this young lady as she is...part of our staff. Yes...she is...she is responsible for the messenger hawks. Thank you for finding her King Kuei – she must have had a hard time locating us with all this wonderful dancing.
Iroh then gave Zuko a very pointed look and coughed meaningfully. Zuko got what his Uncle was doing and said err...yes... I have to send a message urgently. Sorry, I know messaging is rude in the middle of a party, but you know..I'm firenation, so... he shrugged here, because being firenation is synonymous with being rude in Ba Sing Se and so no further explanation was necessary.
Zuko seemed to think that the longer he stood in front of everyone, blathering about urgent messages, the greater the chance of him making a wally of himself. So he cleared his throat and said maybe we should go send this urgent message urgently? Then he walked over to where Song was and said rather stiffly come along...message sending person? Gosh he sounded so embarrassed – he was doing that thing where he makes all his statements sound like questions.
Song glared at him when he called her message sending person, but seemed to see the wisdom in going along with this little ruse, and she followed him out. After she had left, Iroh gestured to Aang and said Please keep dancing Avatar Aang, I am most eager to learn how to properly Salute the King! Aang seemed quite keen to move everyone past the awkward moment, and so he started dancing. Ty Lee joined him. The band struck up again. People started to join in, and were all theatrically saluting Kuei.
It looked like Kuei for his part, was very determinedly trying not to look out the balcony doors, that Song and Zuko had walked through. I understood that feeling exactly.
-o-
So I wasn't going to be all nosy and eavesdrop – because I don't do that anymore. But I couldn't dance anymore, because I was feeling so distracted. At first I thought that they'd just have a quick conversation and Song would skedaddle. But they'd been out there chatting for what felt like ages.
I was loitered by the drinks table for a moment, pretending to be undecided about my beverage Where I was standing gave me a good view of the balcony. Song and Zuko were both looking out over the railing, but occasionally glancing at each other. They seemed to be making friendly conversation and that should be a good thing right?
I guess I just wanted to know what exactly they had to talk about? And why it was taking so long? And how did they even know each other in the first place? These questions were bugging more more that I liked to admit.
The champagne is good. Mai suggested, giving me a bit of fright. She'd come up right behind me silently. She seemed to think I was still undecided about my drink. I felt like I had to get a drink then – now that I knew someone had observed me loitering here, feigning indecision. Mai ordered us two champagnes and we walked a short distance away from the table – but thankfully I could still see out to the balcony.
Listen, Katara, now that there's no hard feelings between us – there is something I'd like to talk to you about. Mai began, in her usual frank, flat voice. This actually didn't seem like a trick this time. She seemed like she really wanted to talk to me about something. I was most intrigued -but I never got to find out what it was. Right then, two hands came over her head to cover her eyes, and Jet popped his head around her shoulder and said guess who Wenchy!
I could practically feel Mai's sigh of exasperation, and I was standing an arm's length from her. Let me guess...could it possibly be an annoying, arrogant jerk? Jet replied, no it's me wenchy! Mai shook him off and turned around. She asked him how he had even got in to the party. Jet shrugged and said he had his ways. His face took on a mock-scolding expression and he said you really thought I wouldn't look for my invitation there? He then waggled his finger in her face and tutted her in an exaggerated manner– this struck me as either immensely brave or immensely foolish. Mai batted his hand away, and said I did it for your own good Doofus. Now get out of here before you make an arse of yourself.
Jet was offended by her insinuation. He claimed had never made an arse of himself at these functions– it was always other people who made an arse out of him against his wishes. At that point he noticed me and gave me what he thought was a winning smile. He told me I looked sexy tonight in a blatant attempt at charming me with flattery – this had the opposite effect to what Jet intended. I put my hands on my hips, and glared at him and told him that I agreed with Mai. He should go home before he made a fool of himself.
Jet held up his hands and said why are you both so against me...I just wanted to hang out with you! He said that last bit directly at Mai. She narrowed her eyes and asked did you really want to hang out with me or did you just come to cause trouble? Jet looked at her and said he really just wanted to hang out with her ...and score some free booze. Scoring free booze was the extent of the trouble Jet would cause. Mai gave him a mistrustful look. Jet grinned at her and offered to pinch her a bottle of the fancy champagne she liked so much. Mai relented (with the air that she was doing this against her better judgement) and said fine, stay.
Jet grabbed us more drinks. He spent sometime scoping out the drinks table (probably looking for where they kept all the bottles). He looked outside the balcony and his eyes narrowed. He came back quickly and handed us our drinks. He turned to Mai in an undertone and said I think I'm having a paranoid moment. Mai was a bit sarcastic and stated that he was always having a paranoid moment. Jet looked a bit hurt at that. Mai's face was impassive, but her voice was softer, when she said he may as well tell her about this crazy, paranoid moment.
Jet said he just thought he saw Zuko talking to Song. And now he was worried. Jet could tell that Song wanted to fuck him – and if she did that, Kuei would just be so sad and so mad. Jet thought we should barge in before anything happened. Mai looked at him with an expression that conveyed deep frustration and infinite patience. You're obsessing again Jet. Nothing's going to happen. They are just talking. Everything is fine. She stated flatly.
Jet declared that he was certain that they weren't just talking. He said that we should look at the way Song was staring at Zuko for proof. She was apparently making hussy eyes at him. She had a great guy like Kuei – but five minutes with Zuko and she already looking at him like she wanted a ride on the grumpy express. Jet was just pissed off because he didn't understand this weird effect Zuko had on girls. He was such an uptight bitch and yet every single chick he encountered wanted to ...like kiss it better for him and heal him with blow jobs and whatever. Jet didn't get it. What was even the attraction?
Mai dryly said I think a large part of the attraction could have something to do with how he doesn't spend all his time obsessing over another man. She gave Jet a sly look here. Jet made a very cross face at her and asked Is that a dig at me? Mai shrugged and said no, it was just an observation airily. Jet narrowed his eyes at her and said I really felt like that was a dig at me.
I could see that Mai was more fascinated by teasing Jet than she was with her previous conversation with me. Jet, for his part, really did seem more interesting in convincing Mai that he wasn't obsessing over another man – if that was really all she was after in a guy. I sculled my champagne and made my excuses. Neither of them took much notice when I took my leave. I had to get away from this conversation to go and interrupt another.
Stupid Jet and his stupid big mouth had once again made me more paranoid than I should have been. And I know it is bad and stupid to feel this way, but I can't help it. So I cut through the dance-floor and strode to the balcony.
-o-
I just caught the tail end of their conversation. Song was smiling pleasantly, and saying that Zuko really didn't need to apologise again. Zuko seemed a bit taken aback by this and said I don't? But I... with some surprise. But Song cut him off there and said it was water under the bridge. Zuko still seemed a bit astonished by this, because he asked how can you forgive me so easily? Song shrugged and said he'd sent enough for eighteen ostrich horses, so she could hardly hold a grudge after that. Besides, she was a big believer in forgiveness and trusting the good in people.
Zuko made a concerned face at that and then said, with the blunt honesty of the tipsy Oh, I can't recommend that. That's not a good plan really. Trusting the good in people is just asking to get stabbed in the back, especially here. I mean you go around trusting people here and they steal your spark rocks... at that point I cleared my throat and interrupted them. I could see that Zuko was going into blathering drunken word-womit territory about how stupid it was to trust people. Song's smile and air of goodwill were both dropping rapidly the more he spoke.
They both turned around. Zuko smiled at me widely. Song greeted me pleasantly and the her eyes widened in anxiety and she said oh my – have you been introduced? Forgive me, I am not used to this sort of thing. Katara – this is Firelord Zuko. She started saying, but Zuko cut her off and said we already knew each-other very well. Katara's the friend I told you about. He said by way of explanation.
They were talking about me?
Song nodded in comprehension and gave us both a shy smile and said oops, sorry. She just kept automatically introducing people. I couldn't help but ask her why she felt compelled to do it. Most people at the peace conference would already know each other. We had all been cooped up here for far too long together after all. You got to know people – even the ones you didn't want to know. She could safely assume that we all know each other.
Song said that the Dowager had told her that being good at introductions is the first step of polite society, and she wanted to practise and be good at it. You're already good at it. That was good introduction just then. Zuko said. It sounded like he was trying to cheer Song up. He continued by gesturing at me and saying I mean if I didn't already know Katara, I would have been like "hey – that's Katara" after a great introduction like that.
Tui and la – he was wankered. How much had he had?
Song just smiled widely at that. She fussed a bit more with her skirt and then said Well I should probably go. She thanked us both again and walked off down the stairs and into the garden, leaving us alone on the balcony. I turned back to Zuko who was grinning at me with just the dopiest grin.
He started to lean in like he was going to kiss me – but I held up my hands to stop him and said we couldn't do that here. People would see. He pouted a bit at that and said he didn't care. I gave him a light thwack on the shoulder and told him to save it for later. We were still on for his place after the party, right? We could do that there.
Zuko's eyes widened and he said he wasn't so sure that was a good idea. He was sure Toph was onto him. She'd been acting so weird all day - with all her sneaky Toph hinting and insinuating. We'd be better off avoiding his place. Hmm, we'd decided on the Jasmine Dragon, because my room has been cursed with bad vibes ever since we overheard the Dowager and Arnook there. It was getting a touch too cold to spend all night in the park.
I racked my brains for a good place and stumbled across an idea. There are some empty suites in the south wing which are being converted to be used as rooms for the Joo Dees. No one went there after hours, we could sneak off there. We'd be completely undisturbed there. Zuko gave me another dopey smile and a big dorky wink when I said that.
How much have you had? I asked with a slight scold in my tone. Zuko looked a bit sheepish. Dunno. Feels like a couple. Jee kept getting me this drink with a cherry in it – but then Aang kept stealing them. I put my hands on my hips and made a face at that. He was letting Aang drink what was a rather dubious sounding beverage when he knew Aang and adult drinks don't go well together. Zuko seemed to realise what I was thinking. I wasn't letting him drink them, but he was just so worried about me vomiting fire on someone, that is seemed only sporting to let him steal a few. He said a touch defensively. But look at him, he's sober as a firesage... We looked back in at the party, which was in full swing. Aang was dancing with great enthusiasm and energy and doing that little butt wiggle he does... A very happy, bouncy, dancing firesage that is. Zuko added.
Aang looked delighted. He'd finally gotten everyone dancing together. Aang thought that if everyone had a twirl together – lasting peace wasn't far off. Nobody could stay angry at someone they had doe-si-doed with. He caught us looking through the window and gestured for us to come back inside.
-o-
So I can't believe what just happened. Maybe it's the paint fumes making both of us crazy. The South Wing suites did smell like fresh paint after all. And Zuko was a bit drunk still...and maybe...
No, that's not fair at all.
For once, it was all my fault.
At first it was just great. We had privacy, and whole room to ourselves – and this turned out to be a winning combination. Zuko had on all these stuffy formal clothes and I had a nice time peeling him out of them. Even though Jet thinks that all girls want - oh what was that terrible phrase he used – a ride on the grumpy express – I'm the only one who actually gets to do this with him. And he's the only one who gets to do this with me. And I always thought that just promising each other that much would be enough.
I kissed up his jawline and he just made the best little rumbly noise in his throat. He had one hand in my hair and one hand at the small of my back and he was holding me against his chest. I was just in my wrappings, but I felt so wonderfully warm.
Maybe if I hadn't opened my big mouth, we could have just stayed there, together like that.
We wouldn't have had a big stupid ridiculous fight.
Maybe writing out what happened will help me figure out how we got from there to here.
-o-
We were snuggling on the bed, and I propped myself up on my elbows to interrupt our canoodle. h was something I'd been itching to ask about all night. I asked how he knew Song, because I was just dying to know. He turned his face away for a second and looked a bit unsure. He said that it wasn't a good story and I wouldn't like it. I traced a pattern on his chest between the scar and the unmarked flesh. I know he likes that. I said it was okay and he could tell me.
And then he did.
He was right. It wasn't a good story, and I didn't like it. He'd stolen Song's ostrich horse, after she'd healed his Uncle and taken them in. Song is just the loveliest person, and I had a hard time understanding how he could do that to her, especially after she'd been so kind.
I mean, I knew Zuko got into a few shenanigans, indulged in some petty thievery, and did a few bad things when he was last in the Earth Kingdom. He'd told me. That stupid play even dedicated most of the second act to Zuko's kleptomaniac adventures in the Earth Kingdom - but I guess I hadn't really registered any of that until just then.
But I never thought he'd do something like that. Maybe I don't know him as well as I think do. I didn't know anything about the person he was then; that lost, angry, hungry, desperate boy who'd been able to slink off in the night without the guilt stopping him. I like to think I know him so well...but then there's all this stuff that he doesn't talk to me about, doesn't show me, and I can't even guess at.
I asked if he felt bad about it and he gave me an odd look and said of course I did. abruptly and in a an astonished tone – like he was really surprised by my question. He confessed softly You know, I thinks its one of the worst things I've ever done. I felt so terrible about it afterwards, but I couldn't undo it. All I could do was try and make it up to her. I asked what he had done, and he told me that he'd sent her a long-winded apology and lots of money when he got back to the Palace, but he never knew if she'd gotten them until tonight. Ah ha – so that was why they had been talking so long.
Zuko said it wasn't actually. They hadn't spent much time talking about that. Mostly Song was just feeling really badly about how everyone had stared at her, and she was a bit worried about the future. Zuko had been trying, with limited success, to make her feel better. I asked how I had come up in conversation, because that was niggling me to. He's said this is the friend I told you about – what exactly did he tell her?
Zuko smiled a bit sheepishly and said Song was really nervous about the sneaking around. She doesn't think it is something she can learn, because she's not very sneaky. So I said that I had this amazing friend, who used to be terrible at it. Seriously bad. She'd blunder around, getting the attention of pirates and tree dwelling idiots, (he got a playful thwack for that) but then, in less than a year, she became a wily, super ninja. (he got a sweet kiss for that).
I grinned at him and said well, I learned from the best. He smiled back at me and looked really just pleased – pleased with me, pleased with himself, pleased with life in general. And we could have just left it there and had a nice night. We should have just left it at that.
But then I said that I was glad he'd cheered her up and Zuko got the oddest look on his face and said he hadn't. Not really. He explained that Song said she didn't want to have to change herself into a super ninja to be with Kuei. And she didn't want Kuei to change himself for her either. She didn't really want to sneak around. She already felt bad about it.
And you know, sometimes I feel bad about it, but on the whole, I found that the sneaky around and all that extra effort was worth it. It is just wonderful between us when we are alone together, and I don't mind having to wait until everyone else is asleep. So I just said that I was sure Song would get over that in time. She'd get used to it.
Zuko looked away, and then back to me and said Song – she doesn't want to pretend, and you know...and I... maybe I don't want to pretend either. I thought he was joking, so I playfully tweaked his nose and told him to be serious. His expression didn't change and he said that he was being completely serious. No – you're not. We have to pretend – you know that. I replied, matching his sincere tone.
Do we? I mean...I've been thinking...maybe the Dowager's right, you know. About secret relationships imploding. I don't want that for us. I was talking to Song and she's already thinking that Kuei might be ashamed of her – and I'd never want you to feel like that. He's started out with this hesitant tone that got more sure as he went on. I told him that I didn't feel like that at all. So he didn't need to worry. But just saying that wasn't enough. He still worried.
He brushed some hair back from my face and looked me right in the eyes and took a deep breath, then said in a determined tone. I want to tell Uncle and Toph. Unwillingly, I felt this trickle of apprehension. I think it showed on my face, because Zuko quickly added I think they might even know already and you know what, even if they don't already know, I think they'll be thrilled.
But you see, I wasn't worried about how Toph and Uncle would react. Zuko's right, they'd be pleased as punch. Iroh'd probably just have kittens, bust out his best tea and inundate us with proverbs. Toph would show her happiness with lots of smug gloating. He wanted to tell them, and I totally go why. But it was different for me. I didn't want things to have to change just yet. It was like...we have this happy little bubble now, just the two of us, and letting other people into that wasn't what I wanted. I didn't want anyone intruding in the bubble because I was sure that would be the thing that would make it pop.
So I said that I didn't know if telling people was a good idea. Zuko asked me why not. I couldn't quite frame my bubble-popping thoughts, so I just ended up blathering about how much harder it would be – if we told people. I ended up blathering about all the political problems it would stir up – and we didn't want that so close to the signing of the armistice.
Zuko said that he wasn't saying we should tell the whole world – he just wanted to tell those really close to us, like our families. Uncle and Toph, and my dad and Sokka and if we told them, we should definitely tell Suki and Aang too. (Cripes now he wanted to tell Dad and Sokka too). Zuko said he'd trust them all not to rat us out, and if they knew, it actually make things easier for us – not harder. Things were going to be hard enough when we get back to the firenation without having to sneak around family too.
I said that telling our families would make everything more complicated, because families can't help but meddle. I told him to think about how much easier Kuei and Song's lot would be if Kuei had never told his mother. Now all Dowager does is sow discord. She tries to teach Song the language of fans just to make her feel inferior.
Uncle Iroh'd never make you learn language of fans. Zuko said, trying to lighten the mood. He added that our families were different and we were different. He was proud of me and proud to be going out with me and he wanted to tell people because...he trailed off and there was a long pause. He swallowed audibly and then asked is that why you don't want to tell people? Are you ashamed to be going out with me?
I wanted to say "No, never! That is not true at all"...And I didn't think it was true... because I am proud of him and I'm proud to be going out with him – but I also didn't want to tell people. Surely if I was so proud, I'd be like Zuko was now -just wanting to tell everyone and damn the consequences.
But you see, when I replied to Gran Gran, I had hardly written a word about him, nothing to give her a hint about what I was doing with him certainly. Because I just knew she wouldn't understand. Me loving Zuko would confuse and worry her. I couldn't even bring myself to tell my grandmother about him, and she was the woman who practically raised me after mum.
And what about my Dad and Sokka? Like they both love Zuko, but...but I didn't know how they'd feel about us going out. I did know one thing for sure, they'd be disappointed in me for lying to them. Especially Dad. It was the one thing that my Dad hated, us keeping secrets from him. That's why he always wanted to be the cool dad, because he wanted us to always feel comfortable enough to tell him everything. Me keeping this from him would hurt him. I didn't want to hurt him or disappoint him – and of course now I realise that the longer I keep this from him, the worst it will be when he finds out. But that thought didn't even cross my mind in that moment. All I could think of was my Dad's hurt expression when he realised how long I'd known about Bato and Ming without breathing a word to him. He would take me keeping this from him so much harder.
All that was in my head and I ended up just blurting out I'm not ashamed. I just don't want to tell my family about you. (Stupid, stupid, terrible thing to say and there was nothing I could add to that sentence to soften it up into something more palatable). Zuko looked really hurt for a second and pulled away from me and muttered I can't believe this.
I tried to fix it and said soothingly I just think it's too hard. I'm not sure, you know. What I meant was that I wasn't sure about telling people. I thought telling people was too hard. But he got the wrong end of the stick and thought I was talking about us. His eyes widened and he whispered Too hard? Not sure? Then his tone changed and sounded much harsher and he asked Are you breaking up with me?
What! No! Where has all this come from? I was gobsmacked and I couldn't even believe that he would think that. I thought our conversation had been skirting the thorny issue of telling people, not going into the cactus filled desert of break-ups. I didn't want to break up with him at all, but he had just thrown that into the conversation, like a conversational grenade of crazy.
I started spluttering about how he had totally got the wrong end of the stick and he stood up abruptly and started blathering about how if I was going to pull some what happens in Ba Sing Se stays in Ba Sing Se bullshit on him, then I should just get on with it. I'd been floundering before, because I had no idea where all this stuff was coming from. But as soon as he said that, a piece of the puzzle clicked in for me. I'd remembered him telling Toph, who'd been annoyingly inquisitive about his relationship with Jin at the time, that they'd broken up because he was moving and Jin said what happens in the 27th district stays in the 27th district.
So I got off the bed and went and stood in front of him and grab his shoulders and gave him a little shake and said Zuko stop it! I made him look at me. I'm not breaking up with you okay! I said with a great deal of feeling. I said it again, softly and with much sincerity. He sighed visibly in relief and leaned towards me and then we were kissing again and I should have just left it there and not said any more. But he'd given me such a fright, that I felt like reminding him of what an idiot he was being.
So I said You're such a dolt – thinking I'd break up with you over something like this. I'm not some floozy like Jin who dumps people willy-nilly. I'm not just going to say "oh life is short and you were sweet" and move on.
And it was only after I blurted that out that I realised what a mistake I'd made. He stiffened and then took a big step back from me and gave me a weird look and said in a low voice Wait... You were there that day? You spied on me? And my mind went blank, because I mean I had done that. I promised I wouldn't,...but then...I don't even know how it happened.
I could just say that listening to Jet made me feel jealous and possessive – just like listening to him blather on tonight had made me feel all insecure. But I can't just keep blaming Jet for putting ideas in my head. It's my head, and I should be in charge of the ideas that go in there. I decided to just fess up and not make any excuses – so I told him I had been there, but only for a couple of minutes.
The short duration of my spying did not make it any better for Zuko. He took another step back and gestured wildly saying But I ask you not to! Why did you? Don't you trust me not to mess around? Is that it? And that wasn't it at all. But just saying no that's not it wasn't enough right at that point.
Zuko crossed his arms and said Well what is it then? And I didn't have a ready answer, because I didn't know why I did it – why I do it. I just feel this urge to know what is going on with him all the time and I don't know why. The silence stretched on for only three seconds, and then something in Zuko's face changed and he said swore under his breath and started walking around the room looking for his clothes. I followed and said wait, what are you doing? He didn't answer that, but just muttered You know, you're always banging on about how I had to be less jealous and trust you and how trust is so important for relationships and I just assumed you trusted me too.
Out of all the options open to me at this point, all the things I could have said and done, (apologise, say he was right, hide his shoes so he couldn't run away) I did the least useful and most ill-advised thing possible. I do what I normally do when I feel criticised (no matter how justified that criticism may be) and went full on the defensive and tried to turn it back around on him. I said I do trust you, it's just...you... You keep so much from me. You bottle everything up and...
I don't know what I was expecting – not what he did that was for sure. I thought we'd argue some more and work it out like we normally do, but this was the last straw in this conversation for Zuko. He threw his hands up in frustration and said I can't believe I'm hearing this! He paused for a second and then said Fuck it – I'm leaving. He turned back to collecting his stuff and putting the rest of his clothes back on. He obviously wanted to storm out quickly, but he couldn't find one of his shirts. He huffed angrily Now I understand that whole "put everything in a pile" thing! Under his breath.
He looked for a few more moments, in a distracted fashion, while I hovered around saying that he shouldn't be like this and we should talk etc. He said he couldn't talk right now because he was busy looking for his undershirt briskly. After another second of looking, he appeared to decide that retreat was the right answer because he turned to me and said fuck it – just keep it! And stormed out.
And I was standing there just in my wrappings, and I really just wanted to run after him and tell him I was sorry, but modesty made me look for all my clothes first – because I may be many things, but I am not the sort of girl who gads about in her underwear in someone else's home. I found them all (plus his undershirt) and pulled them on hastily and then set off after him. But I had no hope of catching up with him at that point. He was long gone.
-o-
lovely readers!
Thank you for all the great feedback from the last chapter! All my reviewers rock my socks! Seriously, you guys can have no idea how much I love reading what you think of all these shenanigans. Thanks also for your patience with regards to the updates, I know they've been a bit slower. Uni is back in full swing for me, so there might be a slight delay between this and the next chapter. It should be the last for this series, and I really want to get it right.
Note on "The Search" : So I had many comments about the upcoming comics and how they will deal with Ursa's location. Err, this will sound terrible, and YMMV, but I tactically handwave the comics. After the hot mess of poor characterisation that was The Promise I stopped expecting much from them. The Promise made me lower my expectations to the point where I no longer expect good characterisation, an engaging plot or even a story that makes sense from The Search. (I erroneously expected all three from the first comics – silly me!) I'm fairly happy with my head canon for Ursa. Like my head canon of Iroh deciding to hold off on retirement and helping Zuko in the early days of his reign – it just makes so much more sense to me.
Anyway onwards to notes regarding this chapter:
So we have Song's return this chapter. I love Song as a character, because she is just a cuddly carebear, and I really didn't like what Zuko did in that episode (but then Zuko didn't like it much either and did the guilty dance in my head-canon). So what I see happening is this – I think guilt about stealing Song's ostrich horse is one of those subtle things that burned away in Zuko's mind. It forced him to re-evaluate who he was, what he was capable of doing and whether this was the person he wanted to be. When he got back to the firenation that feeling would have been turned up to eleven after the shenanigans of Ba Sing Se. He would have sent her what he thought was a sufficient sum to cover an ostrich horse (plus interest for "emotional distress") and written a blathering "anonymous" apology. Song hasn't had that many strangers steal an ostrich horse from her, so she would have been able to put two and two together.
The money he sent would have helped her expand her little clinic, and this expansion helped her meet Kuei, who was posing as a commoner – looking for odd jobs. Kuei would have sucked at all the manual labour side of things, but Song would have taken a shine to him anyway and the rest is history.
Song does see the ostrich horse thievery as water under the bridge. I didn't want Song to be holding on to a grudge, mostly because it doesn't seem in her character, and because there was already too much drama going on this chapter without a Song-slap and related outbursts. So all is forgiven... but not entirely forgotten. Song will still tweak Zuko about it every now and then.
Zuko's dialogue in this scene is also meant to be reminiscent of his dialogue when he asks his Uncle for forgiveness. "How can you forgive me so easily?" - this question just makes me sad for Zuko, but I feel it's an interesting part of his character – how he is so surprised by forgiveness and expects punishment/hatred for most transgressions, even from his Uncle, who he is so close to.
Song and Katara get along like a house on fire – because they would, wouldn't they? They are actually very similar characters in some respects. I could see Katara bonding with someone close to her age about healing, and just wanting to heeelp! I think Katara identifies with Song and this makes her reaction to the ostrich horse thievery a bit more pronounced. She's not the first tender-hearted girl to reach out to Zuko, only to have him turn around and do a bit of betraying. For Zuko, her reaction would be difficult to deal with. This is the worst thing he's ever done, and it's something he so ashamed of – but he trusts her enough to tell her, and then she's just so appalled.
Katara warns Song about what the Dowager said with the very best of intentions. Forwarned is forearmed and all that. But Song, who is already feeling a bit reluctant to keep secrets, wouldn't have taken the news that her future mother-in-law dislikes the match very well. Their tea and manners lesson would have been very strained and the Dowager would have done her best to make Song feel ill-mannered and inferior (but in a very passive-aggressive, uber-polite way). And it would have worked a charm. Song seeks Kuei out at the party, because she would have been feeling a bit low and homesick (it's only her second night in a strange city) and she wanted some reassurance. But Kuei, in all his regalia, talking to someone who was obviously of a much lower socio-economic class (for reasons other than giving them an order to boot)... well that would have turned everybody's head. But thankfully, Iroh is quick on the uptake.
We also had a bit more fun with Mai and Jet this chapter. Mai has sought Katara out twice this chapter, granted once was for an ulterior motive, but there is something Mai wants to say to Katara. Jet and Mai have a very teasing and slightly belligerent dynamic – but they have found an equilibrium together on their road trip to fetch Song. During this road trip Jet would have tried to schmooze Kuei and Mai would have been very friendly (in her Mai way) to Song, and also told Jet to shut up a lot.
One outcome of this trip is that there would have been a lot of power struggles between Mai and Jet (Mai sees Jet as below her in the pecking order of the group – Jet disagrees). To solve this effectively, June set them a competitive task which she was fairly certain Mai would win. Another outcome of this trip, is that despite all their squabbles, Mai is starting to be a calming influence on Jet. Now, whenever he feels a freak-out coming on, he tells Mai that he's feeling a paranoid moment and she'll bluntly shut that paranoia down with her no-nonsense honesty.
The paranoid moment is related to Zuko and what Jet imagines is a gigantic sexual appetite. This is similar to the scene when Jet was going on about Zuko and Jin. These rantings of Jet's always touch an insecure nerve with Katara - mostly because she's Zuko's third girlfriend and he's her first boyfriend. So there's a difference in their experiences. Also she doesn't know much about these previous relationships (and Katara wants to know everything!) so it's the insecurity of the unknown. She'd come to terms with Jin and Mai – but now Song is added to the mix and Jet's blabbing on and voicing some of Katara's very repressed insecurities.
And this leads us into the fight Zuko and Katara had this chapter. I know some of you are probably feeling a little cross at me – sorry my lovelies! I just felt there were some things which needed to be aired dramatically. Reasons for their fight was it allowed me to explore how they both feel about the relationship. I also feel that these two would have a few fights – and I think it's important for them to learn to disagree without it breaking them up.
I also thought that, for once, Katara needed to feel what it was like to be well and truly in the wrong. Spying on him (especially like she did with Jin) is becoming a violation of trust, and it is something she has to stop. I dislike the rhetoric that sees Katara as the good one and Zuko as the bad one in their relationship. Not every problem they have is going to be Zuko's fault. I guess I wanted to go against the common idea that all their fights would be instigated or caused by Zuko/something Zuko did. Katara's going to mess up as well.
I always felt that Zuko was further along in his feelings than Katara. I think there are enough clues in canon hinting that he had a bit of a crush on her, esp in season 3. I always thought it was Katara who had to "catch up" so to speak, where romantic feelings were concerned. This is true even when they are an established couple. Zuko's at the point where he wants to tell people...and Katara's not quite there yet.
Zuko's got this habit in the show, where he assumes things and puts words in people's mouths "I know you must think...I know you must have mixed feelings, I know you'll say she's my sister," etc. that comes into play here, and is also coupled with his his ability to assume the absolute worst in any situation. He assumes the worst about what Katara is thinking and it spins their conversation into the DangerZone.
Katara is inadvertently poking a very sore spot with a sharp stick. The ashamed spot. Zuko has had lots of people who were meant to love him (Dad and sister primarily) express their shame over being even related to him. His very existence shamed them. The idea that Katara is ashamed to be with him would have cut him deep. And she wouldn't have been helping by saying things like "I'm not ashamed – I just don't want to tell my family." The fact that Zuko has a great respect for Hakoda and a nice little bromance with Sokka, would have made that comment especially hurtful.
So he's not in the most patient or understanding mood after that little comment. He's in a "jumping to the worst conclusions" mood. And that is what he does. Katara revealing that she spied on his date with Jin would have only exacerbated an already strained situation. Zuko did what he does best when he feels threatened by a situation (lashed out and stormed off) but lots of stuff that he said in this fight were things that needed to be said. There were things that needed to come out into the open. Ultimately, showing their cards here will be a good thing.
We'll see how Zuko and Katara reconcile next chapter, we will also see Aang come into his own as Avatar, an armistice will be signed and a new era will begin. I also have a 2 companion pieces for this chapter which should be out in a few days – both are a bit to long to count as ficlets and should stand alone. One is how Jet and Zuko come to a very belligerent detente (tentatively titled million dollar question) and one is a scene between Zuko and his Uncle (tentatively titled the silver sandwich).
Til then my lovelies...