Gyeongchip 1795
The shivering trill whistled through the air, dancing liltingly to the zephyr that rose and fell. The thrush paused, eyeing its lush green surroundings as its head bobbed. As swift as a hawk, it pounced on a unwary prey it had been tracking. The thrush's blue plummage gleamed in the light as it flew back to its perch. As it alighted on the branch, a sudden explosive noise below sent it flitting away.
"Ajoshi, can't you hold it back?" a voice lamented.
"I just can't help it, the grass is ticklish," Suk-kwon said apologetically as he rubbed an itchy nose. He sneezed again as P'ado sat up.
"You can just hold your nose, like this," P'ado said as he demonstrated by pinching close his nostrils, "close your mouth and you won't make as much noise."
"I know but it caught me by surprise." Wiping away a tear, Suk-kwon got to his feet, brushing the grass and dirt off his clothing. "We have plenty of time to observe all we want," he said as he bent to retrieve the small burlap bag on the ground. "It's getting late, we've better get back before they send search parties."
Heaving a sigh, P'ado picked up his own bag and followed the older man through the sleepy glade. Now and then, throaty sweet trills of other birds in the distance would come floating through the air. Insects flitted amongst grasses and budding flowers as they walked down the trail. Sparkles of light danced over the stream. So akin was the surroundings to the hills at home that P'ado wished he was back there instead of hiding out in someone's retreat in the mountain. No ceremony to look forward to. No Pokkot. Aboji was stuck at the house painting, painting, painting with master Danwon. No omoni. He stifled a sigh. He was not allowed to visit her as he wanted to when he learned she was wounded. Why did he have to stay at a place he did not want to be with nothing to do? There were servants at the house to do all the chores. He was unused to the indolent lifestyle.
"Tired?" Suk-kwon looked around when he heard the suspiring puffs behind him.
"Ajoshi, what am I doing here?" the boredom in P'ado rose to vexation. "Am I suppose to be doing this for the next six weeks?!" he flunged his arms wide to encompass their surroundings. "There's nothing to do at the house. I can't leave, I can't visit omoni, I can't even talk to aboji!"
"The vegetable patch too small for you?"
"Ajoshi, haraboji Au has first claim," P'ado said tiredly. Tried as he might, the old man persistently but politely rejected his offers to help and he could not insist on assisting. "I can only help with the horses."
"That is what happens when old age bites and the idea of sitting about to enjoy benefits brought about much strife instead of contentment," Suk-kwon laughed for he empathised with the old servant. "It is pointless to complain about leaving," he kept his tone even but sympathetic for he understood the boy's frustrations. "As to not seeing your father, his task is paramount."
"Not even at meal times? I don't even see him at all!" P'ado wished he could stamp his foot like a little boy and caterwaul.
"All right, tell me what it is you want," sighed Suk-kwon, knowing P'ado was justified in his complaints for he himself hardly had a glimpse of Yunbok since he arrived at the mountain retreat. The same could be said of Danwon. Both of them were locked up in the workroom day and night.
"Can't I stay with omoni and Pokkot? Omoni needs me to look after her." P'ado bent to scoop up some water from the stream to cool his face.
"It's a waste of time wishing for something you know cannot be done," Suk-kwon chided. "Listen." He clapped a hand on the boy's shoulder when his face turned dark. "I know how you feel but it's not any better for your father either. If he has the tenacity to tolerate it, why can't you? And what makes you think it's any easier for me?"
"It's just that," P'ado scrabbled helplessly around to get to the crux of his grievance.
"You are sixteen, with or without the ceremony." Suk-kwon cocked his head at P'ado, eyeing him intently.
"I don't feel sixteen," P'ado muttered as he sat down on a rock by the stream.
"Of course you don't." Suk-kwon wriggled his shoulders to loosen tired muscles as he sat down opposite him. "Not with you pouting like a disappointed little boy and whining that you can't see aboji, omoni and your little sister."
"I'm not pouting," P'ado mumbled as he pulled at the grasses beneath his feet. "I just want to go home."
"Home," Suk-kwon sighed as he lay down among the grasses. A face floated before him that he did not see the blue sky and the puffy clouds gliding by. "What is home, P'adoa."
"Home is where everyone talks to one another, not squirreled here and there." Pulling up a tuft of grass, P'ado blew it from his hand and watched the broken pieces float away in the breeze. "I wish I've never come. Why did he have to choose to be what he was? Look what happened! Omonim died because of him."
"Everyone makes mistakes whither they are driven by desire, ambitions or events beyond their control." It sounded weak and pithy to Suk-kwon but it was all he could offer at the moment.
"Ajoshi, you chose to serve the King. If someone had made a different kind of offer, you wouldn't have accepted it. To pander to your own needs is not what you want. Why couldn't abonim have done the same?!" Another tuft of grass joined its unfortunate brethren.
"P'adoa ..." Suk-kwon tried to think of an argument to alleviate the boy's distress. "Let it go. No matter what he was, he loved you and tried to do what he thought was best to ensure your future." An image of Hak-sun popped up to sit with them as he imagined the man explaining himself to his son. It was a given sons learned from the examples set by their fathers, there was rarely any need for explanations unless circumstances were extenuating. P'ado's problem warrant a frank dialogue. How would Hak-sun have gone about it?
"He knew it was wrong but he did it anyway." A third tuft floated away. "What does that say about him? About me?"
"What about you? You and he are two different persons altogether..." The image vanished as Suk-kwon looked at the boy curiously.
"Are we? His blood flows in me, doesn't it?" P'ado stared at the small patch of bared earth at his feet.
"What nonsense is this?" Disturbed, Suk-kwon sat up. "Where did you get such an idea?"
"Isn't it? Why doesn't he want to talk to me?" P'ado's shoulders slumped dejectedly.
"You mean your foster father? How can that be?" Suk-kwon laughed in disbelief but it sounded false to him.
"Ever since last autumn, I feel he doesn't seem to..," P'ado hesitated, "he seems more aloof and troubled. Omoni is the same. They are not as approachable as before. I thought maybe there were some problems with...with finances, food or something but I did not know it's me."
"P'ado, you are not the problem," Suk-kwon said evenly. "Look at me." He nudged the boy's knee until he had P'ado's gaze. "The problem is not about your father, nor is it about you yourself. It's about the three of you."
"I don't understand," P'ado frowned.
"What is aboji to you?"
"What do you mean?" Confusion glinted in the boy's eyes. What kind of a question is that? How could Suk-kwon doubt his affections? "He is aboji, the one who brought me up, who taught me what I know."
"Do you think he cherishes you?"
"I know he does, so does omoni," P'ado said confidently.
"Remember that, P'adoa. If you do not doubt his affection, their regard for you, then why would you think they would reject you based solely on whose son you are?"
"Then why do they seem to be shutting me out?"
"You have that much confidence in them then be patient because they will tell you." Suk-kwon leaned forward. "When they speak to you, if he tells you he has something of import to say, listen. Listen," he repeated emphatically," with an open heart and mind."
Something important to say? P'ado stared at the older man, perplexed by the last statement. What was it that would require an open heart and mind? Tried as he might, he could not decipher it. Other than the obvious inference that he may not understand whatever it was if Yunbok chose to say what was troubling him since last year. Would it have anything to do with his own feeling that he may not see either foster parent in future?
"Ajoshi..," he said slowly, "I don't know why but I keep thinking that I will lose my family." His heart sank when the older man grimaced and turned away. "It's true isn't it? I will lose them? Why?" he grabbed Suk-kwon's arm. "Why?! Tell me why?!"
"P'adoa, I am tired, you are tired." Suk-kwon turned back to let the boy see his weariness in his eyes. "We are both sick and tired of being stuck here. I'm fantasizing impossible dreams, you are letting your abhorrence of your father's past overwrought you. It's time go back, have our dinner, rest and clear our minds. Leave the matter for the morrow." He got up and strolled away as the boy stared open mouthed after him.
His lapse was a mistake, Suk-kwon knew but the boy's fear was akin to his own. To lose the family he had formed with the two was a painful prospect he was not looking to. To avert the breakup, he could only try to prepare the boy for the forthcoming shock. How would he react? He tried to imagine his own father telling him, out of the blue, that he was not what he thought he was but since his own father was obviously a man, he would most likely laughed at the jest. P'ado would do the same until he was convinced.
To be in P'ado's shoes, how was it like? He banished all images of his father. To look up to someone he had always regarded with respect. Someone he could talk to, whose affections had been steady and supportive. He doubted P'ado had ever realised that most fathers did not show their feelings that readily once their sons were past a certain age. There was the image and dignity to maintain, the absolute authority. Yunbok did not so much as exert that authority as much as he kept himself approachable. That would account how P'ado sensed something was wrong for the door that had been opened, was suddenly inaccessible.
Suk-kwon stopped himself from looking back at the boy as he followed behind. He could not fault Yunbok's approaches in bringing up the boy. P'ado was well-disposed to the people around him, studious and upright. His only weakness was that he was sheltered, kept safe from strife and danger. That would have changed with this trip. Did it weaken or strengthen him? Would he be able to take the blow? From his own point of view, what did it change really in regards to the foster parents? Would the boy see it?
As he walked down the trail, he mused over the possible positions the boy might take up. Long had he contemplated over this but with the disclosure imminent, he had to go through again. Trying to conceive of a better way to reduce the fallout. Behind him, P'ado tried once more to construe the meaning of the older man's statements. The walk to their current lodgings was mediative and silent.
The panjangmun of the retreat were opened when they arrived. A family of retainers; an old couple and their daughter, lived in the residence to keep it in perpetual readiness for the master's visit. Sweeping up the dried twigs outside was haraboji Au. After greeting them, he returned to his chore as they stepped through the gates. The house was old but well maintained with occasional renovations. A small sarang and anbang, servants' quarters built within the walls, a small courtyard, a garden and a vegetable patch at the back. Fresh food supplies were delivered weekly. With additional guests, the old lady, halmoni Jang had been worried there would not be enough until she learned the "servants" her guests had brought along would make the trips to the marketplace to buy whatever was needed.
To their surprise, both Danwon and Yunbok were at the porch. Both seemed to be sleeping for they were lying down, eyes closed. Why did they not rest in their rooms? Suk-kwon hailed them as he approached but there was no response. Puzzled, he bent over Yunbok after removing his shoes at the steps. P'ado hovered behind. Were they sick?
"The servants are cleaning the room," Yunbok said without opening his eyes, guessing who it was that was leaning over him .
"I see," Suk-kwon regarded Danwon with amusement. "I suppose master Danwon misses his wife since he's hugging the chukpuin so lovingly."
"So ...so," Hong-do mumbled, not rising to the bait. P'ado snickered as he sat down near Yunbok. "Whoever came up with the chukpuin has a flair for comfort."
"Really? How does that compare to the real thing?"
"Nothing to compare with," Hong-do stifled a yawn. "It's just an object after all."
"Your wife?" Suk-kwon deliberately misunderstood. "Poor woman." He grinned when Hong-do sat up and one end of the chukpuin came swinging at him. "At least that's one thing you can't do with her." He caught hold of the chukpuin before it hit.
"What's with the both of you?" Hong-do was disgruntled, rubbing his eyes. "Picking on the wife."
"Oh, was he?" Suk-kwon grinned when Yunbok merely draped an arm over his eyes. "You can't blame us for being curious. He has his reasons and so do I."
"Him, I can understand," a glare bounced off an oblivious Yunbok, "but not you."
"Master, age should not deter you if you truly wishes to have a life with her." Yunbok sat up to look at Suk-kwon, knowing what he was worried over. P'ado's eyes widened in astonishment for it was the first time he heard the older man had an interest in a woman.
"You're thinking of marrying?" surprise lanced Hong-do's voice. A grin split his face as he regarded the other. "Is there a vast difference in ages?"
"It's not that," interjected Yunbok before Suk-kwon could answer. "Master, you're still hale and hearty. To look at you and master Danwon, anyone would have picked you for the younger," he ignored Hong-do's grumble at that statement, "and remember what I said about rooms."
"It's not me.," Suk-kwon hesitated. "I'm wondering if I'm misreading her."
"I don't think you are."
"You old goat, if you're already having an affair, she is definitely interested." Hong-do slapped his thigh in merriment as P'ado tried to think of who master Park would be keen in. "What are you afraid of? Just ask her when you return home, I'm sure the reception would be estatic."
"Will it?" Suk-kwon mumured as he tried to imagine Iseul's reaction.
"Just remember I will not be holding your hand," Yunbok rubbed his aching shoulders, stiffed from the strain of holding a posture during painting, "and you're too old for me to do so anyway." He laughed at the sour look directed his way. "There are some matters that one has to deal with personally," he added soberly.
"True, more so in some cases," Suk-kwon stared meaningfully at him as P'ado glanced from him to Yunbok, sensing the subtle switch in reference. "It's just as well you are both out here, we are getting tired of not seeing your faces for the past two weeks! Right, P'ado?" he turned to the boy.
"Aboji, can't you put aside a day?" P'ado leaped in immediately with a plea, glad for the opening. "Or even half a day? With us?"
"Two weeks in that room," holding two fingers accusingly before Yunbok, Suk-kwon tried to get his message across, "will not do you any good. I'm surprised neither of you have gone mad yet."
"That's an exaggeration. There was a time we spent more than a month cooped up with a painting," Yunbok said, recalling the time when they did the royal portrait in the palace.
"I'm not so sure," put in Hong-do. "I know I went a little delirious, seeing shadows where they were not supposed to be." He returned Yunbok's annoyed stare, wriggling his eyebrows as P'ado tried to decipher his statement.
"Shadows eh?" Suk-kwon hid a grin as he smoothed his beard. What was it Hong-do had spotted?
"With his bad eyesight, I'm not surprise he saw things which are not there," Yunbok shot back even as he rubbed his brow to ease a headache.
"There, you're getting a headache because you're spending too much time affixed in one position. Why don't you get some exercise now? You have not been doing those," urged Suk-kwon. "You'll feel better after a spar."
"Aboji, I'll spar with you." P'ado nearly grabbed Yunbok's sleeve as he used to do when he was younger but sprang eagerly to his feet instead and ran off to the rooms in the sarang before Yunbok could say anything.
"He needs you," Suk-kwon said softly as Yunbok sighed. "He does not know why you are shutting him out. He fears the breakup of the family he has lived with since he was a baby. Must you do that to him?"
"We have been over this before." The headache seemed to worsen as Yunbok frowned tiredly. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Do you realise you have brought him up differently?" observed Hong-do, forestalling Suk-kwon. "At his age, boys usually view their fathers as remote figures and less willing to be so open with their feelings. They are impelled to emulate the restraint and virtue as exemplified by the parent. But he is different. Though he was brash during the audience, he spoke with sensitivity and empathy for the plight of those who suffered oppression. He could discern the latent aspects of those involved. Most youths may not grasp it even if they were to go through what he had experienced. He is what he is because of you."
"He is receptive and discerning on what goes on around him because you taught him so, yourself. You are his parent. You are also his friend." Suk-kwon wondered what Yunbok was thinking for his face was shuttered. "That is the difference between you and the others. A beloved friend and parent, who he could talk to, express himself at will, who he depends on to guide him."
"Despite what you think, he is vulnerable and needs more time." Hong-do glanced at Suk-kwon, wondering if their impromptu arguments would change Yunbok's mind. Neither he nor Suk-kwon agree with Yunbok's intentions. "Wait till he's older."
"It is too late. There is already a fissure between us. He is aware I am planning something that concerns him. That may cause a rift between us. The longer I wait, the worst it will be, especially when he has his own family. I may end up not telling him at all and the strain will be greater." Yunbok's brow wrinkled even further.
"You have a point there," Suk-kwon sighed as he leaned against the post of of the porch. "I wish you had listened to me but you cannot bear to let him continue under an illusion since you hold him so dear."
"Just as it was with Jeong-hyang, so it is with him," Yunbok agreed before getting to his feet, intending to go to his room to rest when P'ado came running back with two staffs in hand.
"Are you going already?" The anticipation on P'ado's face began to fade when he saw Yunbok was about to leave.
Reluctant to disappoint the boy, Yunbok held out his hand for one of the staffs as P'ado's face brightened at that reply. "Are you ready to take your falls?"
The two older men turned to watch as they walked down to the courtyard and faced off against each other. Such was the boy's elation in having Yunbok's company that he pounced at once with his staff, eager to engage. Unable to reach Yunbok in the usual way, this was his alternative method of communication, Suk-kwon mused as the attack was warded off easily. It would not be the first nor would it be the last.
P'adoa, will you be able to accept her? If you cannot, the bond will be torn asunder. Neither of you will be at peace.
"With his luck, it may go well," Hong-do murmured when he saw Suk-kwon's unhappiness.
"You think?" The setting rays of the sun threw glints and shadows. Suk-kwon turned so he could keep the combatants as well as Hong-do within his view. "The pressure's too great on him. Take the morrow off so he can rest properly. Can't you see the shadows beneath his eyes? Is he even eating?"
"I tried but he's stubborn. He wants to finish the screens so he can go back as soon as possible." Hong-do shifted so he was nearer to Suk-kwon and leaned closer. "Any further developments?"
"Nothing on old master Shin or that woman. It's anybody's guess as to who alerted her to his presence." Suk-kwon wished he was back in Siheung so he could look into the matter personally but he could not go against the order he was to seclude himself too. The major worry would be Jeong-hyang and Pokkot for they were vulnerable but that would soon be amended.
"Is she still looking into the matter?"
"What do you expect when she thought she found the person she was looking for is not?"
Despite the gravity of the situation, Suk-kwon could help but chuckled as he tried to imagine the fury on the Queen Dowager's face. "The name, background seemed right and he almost fits the description," he whispered into Hong-do's ear. "I heard she nearly ordered the poor fellow to be stripped before her when he tried to plea his case."
"That is most..," Hong-do winced. "I supposed she changed her mind?"
"She had him checked over by the eunuchs and was most displeased when they reported that he is a man as he protested he is. Rumors are flying all about from this incident, none of which is well disposed towards her since no one outside her clique knows exactly what she is after."
"That is certain to fan the flames." Hong-do shuddered for having someone like the Queen Dowager on the warpath for it would be like having an ogre on one's heels. He chuckled inwardly at that whimsical image before he sobered. "Her patience must be at its limits if she took the risk of overseeing this matter herself."
"What do you expect when it seems she would have the key to undermining our master's rule?"
"How long do you think she can keep it up?"
"It depends on how well we have laid the groundwork," he saw Hong-do's incomprehension. "He knows there might be a time when he has to summon him back so over the years, we have been starting rumours that he has returned to Hanseong, that he is at such and such a place. We managed to find men who look a little like him and maneuvered them to where he is purported to be. This is the first time she has hauled in one of our dupes. With your involvement in the uigwe, the ground is too fertile for her to ignore."
"So you people are the source of the rumors!" laughed Hong-do. "It irked me to no end to have to deal with questions when they occurred. How frustrated they must have been when they increased vigilance on me and came up empty handed!" he chuckled again at the wasted time and effort of their adversaries. "Will she continue to conduct investigations?"
"It has been so many years. There are other matters for her to look to. After such a setback, she ought to be extremely discouraged but that does not mean we relax our guard," said Suk-kwon.
"Are you waiting for something?" Hong-do said when he looked at the sky.
"Someone," the other man smiled. "Or rather a few someones." His smile dropped. "Old master Shin has been staying at home since. There is no correspondence or contact with anyone of note. As for the woman, neither Young-joon or Kyoung-mi has anything to say. Her behaviour has been exemplary"
"Perhaps someone, one of his former classmates, happened to recognise him during our trip. Or worst, any of the officials who had contact with him when he was a royal painter."
"That makes it doubly difficult to pin down." Suk-kwon shook his head as he contemplated the number of people to run checks on. "Are you prepared for the grilling when you return?"
"My dear fellow, I have been on the grill for eighteen years. I'm used to the heat," Hong-do scoffed. "My prolonged absences are easily explained away."
A horrified shout caught their attention. Their gaze turned to the courtyard to see P'ado standing helplessly over Yunbok who was bent over, clutching his stomach. The two men leaped up immediately and rushed over.
"What happened?!" Suk-kwon caught hold of Yunbok's shoulder when he looked as if he was about to pitch face down.
"I hit him in the stomach," a white faced P'ado said as he tried to hold Yunbok up.
"Not his fault, I was distracted ... headache," Yunbok gasped as pain lanced through his middle.
"Let's get him to his room." Suk-kwon knelt down so Hong-do could hoist Yunbok on his back. He hurried with him to his sleeping quarter as the other two followed. "Don't try to straighten him," he warned Hong-do after he lay Yunbok, curled up, on his bedding. "P'ado, go to my room and get the medicinal pouches in the bandaji."
The boy quickly ran off to do as he was bidden, guilt stricken. He overshot the door of Suk-kwon's room and nearly crashed through it as he hurried to open it. Heart hammering in panic, he tossed out the clothing in the bandaji, heedless to the mess he was creating in his search for the pouches. He should have been paying attention, the thought whirled around in his head. If he had, he would have realised aboji was not feeling well. If he did, he would not be so eager to spar. Where were the pouches? He ransacked to the bottom of the bandaji before spotting them. He grabbed them all up at once. Back to Yunbok's room he ran, nearly bowling over Hong-do who was coming out of it. Ignoring the mild reprimand, he half fell in his rush to Suk-kwon, eyes flicking to Yunbok's face before alighting on the older man who drew up the quilt over Yunbok.
"I'm going to have to keep a watch on you tonight. Your headache is due to insufficient rest and food. No painting for the next few days. You can't sit properly with such an injury. Your body will bruise and be painful," said Suk-kwon, sitting back down.
"I'm sorry, aboji!" P'ado burst out, the older man's words casting a pall on him.
"It's not your fault. I was distracted," Yunbok said soothingly as the pain in his middle slowly ebbed away though he was sweating profusely.
"Let me have those." Suk-kwon gestured for the pouches and looked through them before finding the one he wanted. "Ah, here we are." He held out one of the pouches to P'ado. "I want you to bring this to the kitchen, tell the servants to put one spoonful of the herbs into a small pot, fill it half with water and boil. Once the water is boiling, let it simmer until the colour is deep, pour it out and bring it here."
P'ado galloped off like the wind, repeating the instructions under his breath. So preoccupied he did not notice Hong-do returning with a soban. The older man glanced back, wondering what the boy was chanting under his breath. Rather than hand the task over to Soon-joo, the maid in the kitchen, P'ado set about doing it himself to her astonishment. A small cooking pot was duely handed over at his insistence. She watched keenly as he meticulously measured out the herbs, set it to boil and hovered over it like a hawk. Finally, when he deemed the medicine was to specification, he poured it out into a bowl and placed it on a mokpan she had prepared for him and left, leaving behind a vastly impressed young woman.
Yunbok was sitting hunched over his dinner when he returned to the room, eating slowly as Suk-kwon watched his colour and murmured questions. The older man was afraid of internal injuries, the boy realised as he listened to the questions and paled further. Silently, he placed the mokpan near them and sat down. Hong-do was working with a pestle and mortar, grinding out some sort of paste, adding a little water now and then. Was it for Yunbok, P'ado wondered and his question was answered when Hong-do showed the result to Suk-kwon who nodded. The paste would be best applied later, when he was lying down. As Hong-do cleared away the pestle and mortar, the maid brought their dinner.
Korean Words
chukpuin - bamboo wife