Hey everybody, happy 2011! Can you believe that only two chapters ago I was wishing you a happy 2010? I sure can't. This past year has just flown by and I'm so sorry for not updating more. Inspiration for this story is seriously lacking at the moment and while I do have the whole thing planned out, I'm having trouble getting it down on paper. Any ideas you have would be greatly appreciated. Anyway here's part two of the last chapter. I've been working on it since June so it's fairly long but I'm not too happy with it. The ending feels kind of rushed to me but we'll see what you think. Review if you're still reading!
"… And guess what? There's no snow there! I'm gonna get to go swimming on Christmas cause mommy said they have a pool! Won't that be soooo fun? I can swim by myself you know. So can Natey. He's better than me though, he's moving up to level five soon and I'm only on level four but I still love swimming! I don't even need a lifejacket or a floaty or anything! That's because I've been taking lessons since I was really really little. There's a beach where I'm going at Christmas too! I'm gonna build a sand fort instead of a snow fort! And make sand balls and a sand man! And I'll give him a bucket for a hat and arms made of shovels and his eyes and buttons will be sea shells!..."
Marissa could hear her daughter's high excited voice talking a mile a minute as she approached the kitchen with Nate on her hip.
Ever since she and Ryan had told the kids about California a few days ago it was all either one of them could talk about.
They were excited about the trip but even more so about meeting their family. Nate and Lucy were thrilled to find out that they had grandparents and aunts and uncles just like every other kid in their class at school.
The issue of family had never really come up with the twins until they had started nursery school just a year before. On the very first day they had come home wondering why all of their new friends' mommies and daddies had picked them up from school and they only had a mommy.
Marissa had hurriedly explained that they didn't need a daddy because they had an Uncle Seth and an Aunt Summer and nobody else had one of those. The twins had took that at the time but Summer later confessed to her that they had asked her and Seth about their dad when the two of them had been babysitting one weekend.
Summer had told them that their mommy was the best mommy in the whole world so they didn't need a daddy and they hadn't asked again after that. Still the matter reappeared again at the annual nursery school grandparent's tea.
Nate and Lucy had had to bring the old couple from the fifth floor as their guests and while the children loved Mr. and Mrs. Kulana they had once again asked where their grandparents were.
It had broken Marissa's heart to see them so lost and confused and she had almost broken down and called Ryan right then but she hadn't. She had honestly thought that Ryan and the twins would be better off not knowing each other but now, as she watched her ex-boyfriend chat animatedly with her daughter, she knew that she had been wrong.
Maybe if she had told Ryan the moment she'd found out she was pregnant things would have been different. Maybe they would be married by now. Maybe they'd have more children.
Marissa sighed as Nate tugged on her hair indicating that he wanted down. There was no use thinking about what ifs. Ryan was with Taylor now. He had made that pretty clear at the bakery that night.
"Mommy!" Lucy exclaimed, noticing her mother in the door way for the first time. "Daddy's telling me about Califwornia! She pronounced the word with a slight lisp that made Marissa smile.
"I can see that." She responded enthusiastically. "What is he telling you about it?"
"He said to make sure you take us to the diner cause it has the best milkshakes in the whole world!"
Marissa laughed. "He's right about that."
"He also said that we have to go to the life guard station cause it's you guys' spot."
Ryan blushed slightly as Lucy said this and refused to look Marissa in the eye.
"I will definitely take you there." Marissa promised, staring at Ryan as she spoke. "It was our spot. I would go there every time I was sad and daddy would come and sit with me. And you know what? You guys have been there before."
Ryan raised his head at this.
"We have?" Nate looked up at her confusedly.
"When mommy?" Lucy questioned. "I don't 'member."
"That's because you were in my tummy baby." Marissa explained. "After I found out for sure that you were coming I went and sat at the lifeguard station all night thinking about you. I wondered what you would look like and if you would be boys or girls and who you'd be more like, daddy or me." She smiled as she reminisced.
"And who are we like mommy?" Lucy persisted, "Daddy or you?"
Marissa thought about it for a moment. "You guys," She answered slowly, "Are like both of us put together. You have my friendliness and my stubborn personality but you have your daddy's big heart, and his brains and courage." She met Ryan's eyes and grinned as she said this and he blushed again, looking back toward the ground. "Natey you look more like daddy and Lucy looks more like me but inside you're the perfect blend of both of us."
The twins smiled contently at this.
"Did you hear that Natey?" Lucy turned to her brother with a wide grin on her face, "We're perfect!"
Ryan laughed softly, visibly relaxing and pulled his daughter onto his lap, tickling her. "You're pretty darn close!" He agreed good-naturedly. "I mean come on Marissa, they can read, they can swim, they speak fluent French; these kids have more skills than I do!"
"You and me both." Marissa said with a smile. "My mother always put me in as many lessons and classes as she could when I was growing up and I'm trying to do the same with Nate and Lucy. Give them as many opportunities as I can, you know?"
Ryan nodded in understanding. "Hey I get it. I always wished my mum had signed me up for more activities as a kid. I played baseball for a few years I guess and I was on the school soccer and football teams but I would have liked to be able to play an instrument or break a board with my foot or something. I think what you're doing with Nate and Lucy is great as long as they're okay with it."
"Oh they love it!" Marissa exclaimed happily. "Nate is totally taking after you! He got the lead role in the musical that their junior musical theatre group is putting on!" She boasted proudly.
"Mommmy." Nate groaned, a faint blush spreading across his cheeks. "You're not 'spossed to tell anybody! You promised!"
"Hey I think it's great!" Ryan spoke up, ruffling his sons hair. "I used to do musicals myself when I was a kid and your granddad Sandy did too."
"Really?" Nate looked up from the floor with a small smile. Granddad Sandy is the one that lives in Califwornia right?" He pronounced the word the same way his sister had. "You and uncle Seth's daddy?"
"That's right." Ryan nodded. "You'll meet him in about two weeks."
"Speaking of grandparents," Marissa interrupted, "We better get going. We won't have anything to give them for Christmas if we don't get to the studio soon."
"Yay!" Lucy shouted, squirming out of Ryan's arms and jumping to the floor. "I love getting my picture taken! I'm going to be an actress when I grow up, did you know that daddy?"
"No I didn't." Ryan told her. "But I'm sure you'll be gre-"
"An actress or a garbage man." She continued, interrupting Ryan without listening to a word he had said. "I haven't decided yet. It looks so fun to ride in the garbage truck though, don't you think? Garbage men don't even have to wear seatbelts! They get to stand up while the truck is moving!" She looked up at him with wide, wonder-filled eyes before taking off down the hallway at full speed in search of her jacket. Ryan could see why standing up in a moving vehicle would appeal to his daughter. Lucy was always on the move and hated to sit still.
"Ryan!" Marissa called from the hallway where she was helping Lucy into her miniature Ugg boats and Nate button up his winter coat. "Hurry up, we have to go!"
"Coming!" Ryan responded, making his way toward her and the kids with a smile on his face. As much as he hated getting his picture taken (Lucy must have gotten her love of it from Marissa) today was going to be a good day. He and Marissa rarely spent time together with Nate and Lucy just the four of them so Ryan was excited. Any opportunity to act as a proper family he would take. Even if it was just for one day.
Taylor Townsend shivered slightly as she stepped into the shop on East 42nd Street, shaking the snowflakes from her hair with a toss of her head.
"Summer?" She called loudly, letting the door slam behind her and waking further into her friend's store. "Summer it's me!"
"Taylor?" Summer emerged from the depths of the shop, a heap of clothes in her arms. "What are you doing here?"
"Oh you know, I was in the neighbourhood and decided to stop by." She said airily with a wave of her hand. "Ryan's off gallivanting around the city with his little family and it's not like I had anything better to do." She said, a bitter edge to her voice. "And anyway I love your store and I hadn't seen you in a while."
"Taylor," Summer began, noticing the hurt written on her friends face. "Don't feel bad that Ryan didn't invite you, they probably just wanted to spend the day as a proper family, for the kids' sake."
"Invited?" Taylor exclaimed, "I just would have liked to have been told! You try waking up to find your boyfriend gone, a note saying he went out with his ex-girlfriend in his place, and see how you feel!"
"Oh Taylor I'm sorry." Summer comforted her sympathetically. "I'm sure Ryan didn't mean to hurt you. He probably just forgot to mention it."
"No I think he did it on purpose." Taylor responded and Summer, not knowing what to say, glanced uncomfortably around the store.
Summer had opened the boutique just a few months after moving to the city and it was her baby. She had worked in a clothing store while going to Brown to gain experience and had taken a few sewing classes as well.
By the time she had graduated she had a self-made, self-designed clothing line and a dream. The store was a combination of Summer's two favourite things- clothes and the environment. It sold stylish and affordable clothing made from eco-friendly materials and was doing surprisingly well – far better than she had expected.
As a matter of fact Seth had been encouraging her to open a second shop on the other side of the city but Summer wasn't sure. This store was perfect. It was close to home and to Seth's work not to mention to Marissa's apartment and photography studio as well. This meant that she was always available to watch her niece and nephew whenever their mother was busy.
Summer loved that she was able to be there for her friend and was unwilling to lose that. Opening a second store would not only double her workload but she would also have to spend countless hours across town working there. Maybe in a few years time, she reasoned with herself, but right now she liked where she was. She was happy.
"Can I help you with those?" Taylor asked, stepping behind the counter and relieving Summer of her armful of clothes. "Where do you want them?"
"Oh just over there is fine." Summer gestured to the sleek white ottoman in the center of the store. "Thanks Taylor."
"Sure." Taylor replied, setting down the load before sitting down to root through the merchandise.
Summer swept her hair out of her face and sank down on to the ottoman next to her friend. "I can't believe how tired I am." She sighed, closing her eyes for a moment. "Angelina called in sick today so of course we were crazy busy this morning up until about a half hour ago. I've been trying to find the time to restock all day!"
"Hmm" Taylor murmured absentmindedly, unfolding one of the tops and holding it up to herself. "Hey is this a new line?" She asked excitedly. "I really like it! Especially this shirt!"
"Thanks!" Summer replied with a grin. "And for $12.99 it's yours!" She snickered at her friends' expression.
"Aw come on!" Taylor whined playfully. "Don't I get a friend discount or something?"
"Usually yes." Summer answered, smiling. "But it's Christmas in a few weeks and I've been asked for a pony…"
Taylor smiled. "Every little girl goes through a pony phase Sum but I'm sure Lucy knows that she won't actually get one."
"Lucy?" Summer laughed shaking her head. "Nah she wants walkie-talkies. I was talking about Seth!"
The two women burst into a fit of giggles that lasted far longer than the joke deserved and ended in both of them sprawled on the floor amidst a mess of clothes. Summer grinned at they began to calm down, finally catching their breath.
"I'm really glad you came Taylor." She confessed, rolling over to face her friend. "It's been a while since we've hung out like this."
"Yeah it has." Taylor agreed, a mischievous glint suddenly appearing in her eye.
"Oh no Taylor!" Summer scrambled to sit up, her smile fading as she recognized the look. "Whatever you're thinking, the answer is no!"
"But Summer!" Taylor cried, pulling herself into an upright position as well. "You don't even know what I was going to say yet!"
Summer sighed, rubbing her temple for a brief second before looking back up at Taylor. "Fine." She muttered. "What were you going to say?"
"Welllllllllll." Taylor began, drawing out the word as she spoke. "I was just wondering if you'd maybe come do one tiny little thing with me?"
Summer sighed again, growing frustrated, and hesitated before going on. "What little thing?" She asked warily.
Taylor looked at her with wide eyes. "It's nothing really." She said nonchalantly in an innocent voice. "I just want you to come spy on Ryan and Marissa with me."
"Taylor!" Summer exclaimed immediately, jumping to her feet. "There is no way in hell that I'm doing that! It's just wrong!"
"Please Sum!" Taylor instantly began begging her. "It'll be fun!"
"No!" Summer shook her head in exasperation. "Taylor can't you just get it in your head that there is nothing going on between them?"
"No I can't!" Taylor answered stubbornly. "And do you know why? Because there's always something going on between them! There is no way that Marissa Cooper and Ryan Atwood will ever be just friends!" She shrilled. "Or co-parents or whatever they are! You know I'm right!" Her voice broke and she looked at Summer with pleading eyes.
"Please Sum?" She began softly. "You said yourself that we never do anything together anymore. It's cause you're always with her. Don't you remember senior year when she left? We became best friends Summer. I miss that. I miss you."
"I miss you too." Summer sighed knowing fully well that she wouldn't be able to say no to Taylor's guilt trip. If they was one thing the girl was good at it was making you feel bad. Still she couldn't just leave the store. Summer was the only one working today and couldn't afford to close. It was the holidays after all and she needed the business.
"What about the store Taylor?" She voiced this concern. "I can't just close it in the middle of the day."
"Take an extra long lunch!" Taylor suggested beaming, knowing that she had won. "I'm sure two hours or so won't set you back too much. I'll even buy you food!" She offered. "And after we're done spying I'll help you with the store." She looked at Summer expectantly.
"Fine." Sumer gave in, scowling at Taylor. "But I am not doing this willingly! And if anyone asks we're Christmas shopping!"
"Deal!" Taylor squealed, jumping excitedly to her feet. "Let's go! I have my binoculars, mirror glasses and mini camera in my purse so we're all set!"
Deciding not to bother questioning why Taylor had these things in the first place, Summer slowly stood up and made her way to the counter to retrieve her purse from behind it.
"Hurry up Summer!" Taylor called from the doorway. "We're wasting valuable time! Think of what we could be missing right now!"
Summer rolled her eyes but begrudgingly followed. "How do you even know where they'll be?" She asked as they stepped out into the frigid air. "I thought you said Ryan didn't tell you where they were going."
"He didn't." Taylor answered, flashing her friend a smile. "But I know that Marissa told you! Lead the way Summer Roberts!"
Summer sighed for the hundredth time that day. This was a bad idea and she knew it. Taylor was so excited though and she did feel bad about not really staying in touch after she left for college. Besides, it wasn't like they would catch Ryan and Marissa doing anything. Reassuring herself that this would be fine Summer led them in the direction of Marissa's studio hoping to god that everything would turn out okay.
"That wasn't so bad now was it?" Marissa asked with a smile as the four of them exited the studio. "You survived anyway!"
"It was actually kind of fun." Ryan admitted. "It didn't really feel like we were getting our pictures taken. We didn't have to smile or pose or anything."
"That's why they call it unposed photography." Marissa laughed. "The shots are more natural when you're not being forced to look at the camera. You can really capture the relationships between the subjects and the beauty of the moment. It's my favourite way to shoot."
"I can tell." Ryan grinned at her. "You're great at what you do by the way. I know the pictures are going to turn out perfectly."
"Thanks." Marissa smiled back. "I really love my job."
"It shows." He replied. "I could see how happy you were in there."
Ryan, Marissa, Nate and Lucy had spent the better part of the morning at the studio having their photos taken. Marissa had taken most of them and had had the kids and Ryan play and mess around as they would at home. Tickle fights, wrestling matches, cuddles, and piggy backs made for great photos. Every once in a while she would call for them to look at her and then quickly take the picture before their expressions changed. It was, in her opinion, the most honest and realistic way to capture a family portrait. It was also the easiest as getting a child, especially one of hers, to sit still long enough to have their photo taken was usually pretty difficult. Marissa had taken pictures of both kids with their father, of Ryan with each child separately, and of Nate and Lucy together before her assistant Mia showed up to take photos of all four of them. As they were leaving Mia had told her that she'd gotten some really wonderful family photos and Marissa couldn't be more pleased. Not only would they have great gifts for their families in Newport but Nate and Lucy would now have a picture of their whole family together, something she'd been wanting to give them for years.
"Where are we going now mumma?" Nate asked Marissa sweetly, latching on to her hand as they walked. "Can we go to the park? Please?"
"No Natey I want to go see Santa!" Lucy cut in. "Can we visit Santa mommy? I have to tell him what I want for Christmas!"
"We can do both." Marissa said with a smile. "We still have the whole day ahead of us to do whatever you guys want."
"Yay!" Both kids shrieked, jumping up and down. "We'll go to central park first then go see Santa okay Natey?" Lucy asked.
"Okay!" He exclaimed happily. "Come on Lucy, let's go!" The little boy grabbed his sister's hand and the two of them took off running into the park.
"Wait for us guys!" Ryan called after them. "Don't go too far ahead!"
"Kay!" The twins replied.
Marissa and Ryan walked in silence for a few moments, watching their kids run and play in the snow. Sunlight streamed though the white-blanketed tree branches and flakes of snow swirled softly to the ground. Ryan had never seen a more beautiful place. Or a more beautiful girl for that matter, he thought to himself as Marissa sighed contentedly, turning her head to look at Ryan. "This is nice." She murmured snowflakes in her hair, cheeks pink from the cold.
"Yeah." He agreed, fighting the urge to take her hand. "It really is."
She smiled vaguely not noticing him staring. "So what did Taylor say when you told her about today?"
Taylor. He had momentarily forgotten about his girlfriend. Why did Marissa have to bring her up now, Ryan wondered. They had been having such a nice time, why did she have to ruin it by making him feel guilty?
"I umm.." He began.
"You didn't tell her did you?" Marissa finished for him, registering the uneasiness in his voice. "Urg Ryan she already hates me! Are you trying to give that girl another reason to kill me in my sleep?"
"She doesn't hate you." Ryan insisted and Marissa rolled her eyes.
"Oh really? Were you at the same Halloween party I was?"
"Yes I was." Ryan said. "And speaking of the Halloween party we really should talk about what you said that night on the phone. I mean, it's been a month and a half."
"Well I would have talked about it last weekend at lunch but you just had to bring your crazy girlfriend! Were you just trying to rub it in that you picked her or something? You know Ryan I've been trying to be nice, for the kids sake, and I've been trying to act like it's not incredibly awkward and hard for me to be around you but I can't do this anymore. After today we're just parents okay? Not friends or anything else, just parents. No more family breakfasts or outings. The only time we'll need to talk is when I'm dropping off or picking up my kids from your house."
"Marissa I didn't…" He hastily began to argue.
"Just forget it Ryan." Marissa interrupted. "Forget everything that's happened between us since September. What I said that night, I didn't mean it. It had just been a really long, emotional day and I was tired. Just let it go okay?"
"Marissa.."
"Let it go Ryan." She said again more firmly, shooting him a warning glare. "Let it go."
And with that she hurried to catch up with her kids, grabbing each child by the hand and spinning them around, leaving a stunned and speechless Ryan to hurry along behind.
"I can't believe we missed them!" Taylor scowled as she and Summer left the photography studio. "Just my luck."
"Well Mia said they only just left." Summer reminded her. "We can't be far behind."
"Yeah but we don't know where they went." Taylor sighed looking up into the swirling snow. "We'll never find them."
Summer shook her head. "Yes we will. I'll bet you anything they're headed toward Central Park. Marissa loves walking there in the winter and it's the kids' favourite place in the world." As much as she knew it was wrong Summer was getting into the whole spying thing. There was something very thrilling about sneaking around and she liked it. Besides, she couldn't wait to try out Taylor's mirror glasses.
"Do you really think we'll find them?" Taylor asked hopefully.
"If we hurry." Summer answered with a grin.
"Well then what are we waiting for?" Taylor exclaimed. "Lead the way Sum! I still get lost in this city."
"I'm hungry." Nate announced as he, Marissa and Lucy walked through the park hand in hand with Ryan trailing behind. "Me too." Lucy agreed. "I think it's lunch time."
"I think you're right." Marissa smiled, rubbing her stomach. "How about we get a hotdog from that cart over there?" She pointed to a small hotdog stand a few feet away.
"Okay!" The twins answered excitedly, tugging at Marissa's hands. "Come on mommy!"
"I'm coming!" She grinned, allowing herself to be dragged forward, thankful that Nate and Lucy loved hotdogs so much. It came in very handy when they were in a rush and the kids were hungry, especially when they were in the park with no other food around. Hotdogs were also not messy and they could be eaten without taking your mittens off, a big bonus in the winter.
"I'll pay." Ryan offered, speaking for the first time since their argument and taking out his wallet.
"No, Ryan it's okay." Marissa tried to shoo him away. "It's only a few dollars."
"I want to." Ryan said firmly, stepping forward and handing over the money. "Here you go guys." He passed a hotdog to each Nate and Lucy before giving a third to Marissa and keeping the final one for himself.
As the two five-year-olds took off toward a nearby playground, food in hand, the adults settled on a vacant bench overlooking the park. For a moment the two ate in silence, awkwardly tying to avoid the others eyes before Ryan cleared his throat and began, somewhat nervously, to speak.
"Marissa I don't want us to not talk to each other." He began. "I don't want us to just be co-parents. I want us to be friends. We need to get along, not just for Nate and Lucy's sake but for mine as well. I need you in my life Marissa and I'm so sorry if I hurt you. I hadn't planned on Taylor coming to lunch with us but it happened. It wasn't meant to make you feel bad in any way, I swear. And I also want to apologize for what happened at the bakery. I was confused and you caught be my surprise. I know that's no excuse but you really can't ask me to choose between you and Taylor like that. Anyway do you think you could forget everything that just happened and we could go back to having fun like we were earlier? Nate and Lucy don't get to spend many days out with us together and they don't need to see us fighting."
"You're right." Marissa spoke quietly after a few seconds. "It wasn't fair of me to try to force you to choose between me and Taylor and the lunch wasn't your fault either. I'm sorry for my little outburst earlier and for overreacting at the bakery." She looked up into Ryan's eyes and smiled warmly, taking his hand. "Starting over sounds great. That argument never happened okay?"
"Okay." Ryan grinned in relief, pulling Marissa into an enormous hug. "I know you're probably still at least a little mad at me but I'm glad you're putting that aside for our kids.
"Anything for Nate and Lucy." Marissa laughed, sinking in to his embrace. "Nah I'm not actually that mad. Not at you anyway." She joked. "I still want to bury Taylor alive but I don't think that feeling will ever go away."
"As long as we're good." Ryan released her with a chortle. "Come on." He stood up and offered her his hand. "Let's go take those loony kids of ours to see Santa."
"Hey!" Marissa smacked him lightly. "They are not loony!"
And the pair descended towards the playground in a fit of cheerful laughter.
"Ohh look there they are!" Taylor gasped excitedly, grabbing Summer's arm and pointing the man and woman sitting a few feet away. "I can't believe you knew where to find them Sum, you're amazing!"
"I know." Summer agreed. "And I was right all along. Look, they're just eating hotdogs and watching the kids play. I told you nothing was going on."
"I guess." Taylor frowned feeling slightly disappointed yet relieved at the same time. "But I still don't trust her. Anyone could see that she still has feelings for Ryan and I don't like them spending so much time together."
"I know" Summer said. "But you're going to have to learn to deal with it. Nate and Lucy aren't going anywhere any time soon so, unless you plan on leaving, those kids and their mother are going to be permanent fixtures in your life from now on."
"I know." Taylor sighed. "And I know I should be trying harder with Nate and Lucy but they make it so difficult! They so openly hate me, I'm not sure what to do about it."
"Just be nice to them." Summer advised. "Be nice and don't let them get to you and eventually they'll come around. All you can do is be patient."
" I guess." She said again, turning back to Ryan and Marissa and lifting her binoculars to her eyes. Summer followed suit and for a few moments the women watched in silence.
"What do you think they're talking about?" Taylor spoke up. "It looks serious. See how nervous Ryan looks?"
"Oh stop worring!" Summer exclaimed. "Ryan always has that look on his face, they're just talki…" Summer trailed off, enthralled by what she was seeing.
Ryan and Marissa were smiling now, staring deep into each others' eyes in a way that more resembled a couple than a pair of friends. Taylor and Summer watched in shock as Marissa took Ryan's hand and the two of them came together in a long, tight hug.
What are you doing Ryan? Summer cursed him mentally. That was not the kind of hug that a guy with a girlfriend gave to his ex.
Summer continued watching until the two broke apart, getting to their feet with smiles on their faces and Ryan's arm around Marissa's shoulders.
"Nothing going on eh?" Taylor murmured in a dangerously soft voice. "Can I be worried now Summer?"
"It was only a hug." Summer pointed out carefully, afraid to cross Taylor. "They technically didn't do anything wrong."
"Oh really?" Taylor shot back. "Is that the kind of hug that you give your friends?"
Summer didn't reply.
"Yeah I didn't think so."
"Hey, are you two ready to go see Santa?" Marissa called happily to her children, approaching the park with Ryan by her side. "I was thinking we'd go to Macy's. They have the prettiest decorations and it's not too far away."
"Yep!" Said Nate running to Ryan while Lucy happily skipped toward her mother and grabbed her hand. "Let's go, let's go!" She exclaimed. "Ohh look mommy, a horsey! Can we go see it?" Without waiting for an answer the little girl started toward a large brown shire horse attached to a carriage, dragging her mother along behind her.
"Slow down Luce!" Marissa laughed as they reached the enormous animal. "He's not going anywhere." She reached out and patted the horse fondly. Marissa had taken riding lessons as a child and had always had a soft spot for the beautiful, graceful ponies on which she had ridden. There was something very mesmerizing about the way they cantered and, with their large soulful eyes, they seemed to stare right through you as though reading your mind.
"Wow!" Nate said in awe as he and Ryan came up beside the mother and daughter. "It's so big!"
Marissa smiled lovingly at her son's reaction. "You want to pet him Natey?"
The little boy nodded and Marissa picked him up, stepping forward so that he could stroke the horse's soft, shiny coat.
"I wanna pet him too!" Lucy whined tugging on Marissa's coat but before she could respond Ryan had scooped the child into his arms and taken her to the front of the horse, allowing his daughter to rub its nose.
"Hello there." A voice startled Ryan as an elderly gentleman in a black top hat emerged from behind the carriage. "Can I offer you folks a ride?" He smiled merrily at them, blue eyes twinkling.
"Can we?" The twins began to beg excitedly. "Can we please?"
"Sure, why a not." Marissa agreed, catching Ryan's eye. "It is Christmas after all."
Nate and Lucy squealed in delight, climbing hurriedly into the carriage.
"How would you two like to sit up front with me and help be drive Frances here?" The man looked to Ryan and Marissa, who nodded, to make sure it was okay.
"Yes please!" The two of the shrieked happily, clambering up to the front bench. "Is that the horse's name? Frances?"
"It sure is." The driver smiled. "Alright so where am I taking you today?"
"Erm well we're heading to Macy's so in that direction if you don't mind."
"Not at all." He smiled again, turning to address Nate. "Would you like to do the honours?" He offered the little boy the reigns and showed him how to flick them to get Frances started and then they were off.
"Hold on tightly guys!" Marissa called anxiously to her children who were clearly having the time of their lives up front. "God, look at their faces!" She said to Ryan, grinning at the twins' expressions.
"I know!" Ryan beamed. "I bet Lucy's going to add a horse to her Christmas list after today!"
"It's already on there." Marissa told him and the two adults shared a laugh. "So are you going to get it for her?" Ryan asked jokingly.
"Nah." Marissa replied. "I'm thinking about signing her up for riding lessons though. I took some when I was her age and I loved it."
"That's a good idea." Ryan told her. "She'll love it. Speaking of Christmas lists," He said thoughtfully. "I need to know what you're planning to get for the kids so that we don't both give them the same things."
"Right." Marissa nodded. "I'll make a list tonight okay? I'm already done most of my shopping so I just have to look at what I've got already."
"Okay thanks." Ryan said gratefully. He hadn't started his Christmas shopping yet but it was his first one with his children and he wanted it to be perfect for them. Ryan just wanted Nate and Lucy to get everything they wanted, everything on their lists and he was determined to make that happen.
"This is nice." Marissa commented, gesturing to the snow covered scenery around them. "You know, the entire time I've lived here, I've only been on one of these things once before. I think we're going to have to make this a holiday family tradition."
"A family tradition." Ryan repeated. "That sounds wonderful." He and Marissa exchanged smiles and sat back to enjoy the first of many more Christmas carriage rides to come.
"Thank you very much." Ryan smiled sincerely, shaking the man's hand as the four of them left the carriage.
"No problem at all." He said pleasantly. "You have a beautiful family."
"Thank you." Ryan's face once again broke out into a grin. "Come on guys." He took the kids' hands.
"Bye Frances!" Lucy crowed, petting the horse one final time. "Merry Christmas!"
"Merry Christmas." The driver waved them off before disappearing in the crowds of people, leaving Ryan, Marissa and the twins to walk the rest of the way to Macys.
Santa's village was situated on the third floor of the store in the toy department. Ryan, Marissa, Nate and Lucy stepped out of the elevator and into a lavish winter wonderland complete with an igloo and a penguin, not unlike the one at the Harbor School SnO.C dance years ago.
"It's so pretty!" Lucy said in awe as they joined the short queue of children already in line to see Santa. Marissa smiled, pulling her camera out of her oversized purse and snapping a few photos of the kids. "Look over there guys!" She pointed to three teenage girls dressed as elves, each one carrying a basket of candy canes. "Santa's Helpers!"
"I thought elves were 'spossed to be short." Nate said confused.
"Yeah!" Lucy cried, narrowing her eyes suspiciously. "And they're 'spossed to have pointy ears!"
Ryan and Marissa exchanged a look but were fortunately saved from responding as the line moved forward and they found themselves at the front of the crowd.
"HoHoHo!" A large, bearded man dressed in a red suit greeted them, gesturing for the children to come closer. "Now who do we have here?" He asked as he pulled them onto his lap.
"Lucy Copper." The little girl announced herself.
"And I'm Nate." Her brother added.
"Well Nate and Lucy Cooper, have you two been good this year?"
"Um I think so." Lucy bit her lip. "We've tried." Nate looked up toward his mother nervously and the department store Santa laughed.
"Of course you have! Now, what can I get you for Christmas?"
"Well Santa." Lucy began. "Natey and I have thought very hard about it and what we would like most is for our daddy to come with us to Califwornia for Christmas."
Nate nodded seriously in agreement. "And we want more days like today; with mommy and daddy together. Things are better when we're all together."
Marissa's happy, excited smile faded as she listened to her children relay their Christmas wished. Ryan to come to California? More days together as a family? Were they trying to break her heart? Her eyes filled with tears at the sight of the hopeful yet sad expressions on her five-year-olds' faces. She wanted to give them those things so badly but it just wasn't possible right now.
Marissa stole a glance at Ryan whose face conveyed similar feelings of guilt and pain. They would both love for their children to have a proper family but with Taylor in the picture this was as good as it was going to get, at least for now. More days together might be doable after the holidays but there was no way Ryan would be joining them on their trip. Marissa knew that her kids would not be getting anything they'd hoped for for Christmas this year and it just about killed her. Why couldn't they want toys like every other child?
As if on cue the department store Santa interrupted Marissa's troubled thoughts. "I'll do my best guys but I can't make any promises. My specialty is toys. Are there any playthings you'd like for Christmas?
Lucy sighed and exchanged a look with Nate. "I would like some Walkie Talkies please and a pony, unless that's not one of you specialties." She recited with sarcasm.
And I'd like a set of lincon logs, if they count as playthings." Nate glared.
The Santa looked around nervously. "Do you want to take any pictures lady?" He said desperately to Marissa while the twins' faces continued to darken.
Still revelling in Nate and Lucy's Christmas wish list, Marissa jumped with a start. "Oh um yes I would." She fumbled for her camera. "Smile guys!" Nate and Lucy continued to glower at the Santa and Marissa shot him an apologetic smile. "Alright I think it's time we left. Say thank you to Santa guys."
"Thank you." The chorused monotonously in unison, slipping off of his lap and starting toward the exit.
"Wait, don't forget your complimentary candy cane!" One of the elves exclaimed, handing one to each child. "Merry Christmas!"
"Merry Christmas." They replied in the same expressionless voice. And without another word the young boy and girl led their parents from the shop. "I think we've had enough fun for one day." Marissa whispered to Ryan. "What do you say we head home?"
Ryan nodded casting a worried glance at the children. "I think that's a good idea."
Summer walked slowly down the tiled hall of her apartment building trying to think of something, anything, she could say to Taylor to make her friend feel better. For the blond had been uncharacteristically silent now for the last twenty minutes and she was starting to get worried. Following the incident they had witnessed at the park Taylor had sunken into an unreadable, blank state and Summer, deciding that her friend was more important than her store, had chosen to close early and bring Taylor back to her place in an attempt to cheer her up.
"I don't think it's really such a big deal." Summer tried nervously, unlocking the door to her apartment. "I mean it's not like we caught them making out or anything, it was just a hug."
Taylor nodded wordlessly, following Summer into the apartment and taking off her coat.
"I don't think it meant anything," Summer continued, hanging up her own jacket. "I'll admit it was a little steamier than your average hug but.." She stopped suddenly, turning her ear toward a sound that had suddenly begun to echo throughout the house. "Is that a hammer?" She demanded in confusion, tearing off toward the kitchen where the sound was originating.
"Seth!" Summer shrieked, noticing his legs poking out from under the sink. "What are you doing?"
"Summer?" A muffled voice asked. There was a clanging of tools and a loud, painful crack before Seth emerged, wincing and rubbing his head.
"I was just trying to fix the leaky drain." He explained crawling out and getting to his feet. "What are you doing home so early?"
Summer wordlessly flicked her eyes toward Taylor, who had appeared in the doorway behind her and Seth nodded knowingly, flashing her a smile. "Ahh Taylor!" He said pleasantly. "How are things?"
"Things?" Taylor croaked, her eyes filling with tears. "Things are horrible!" And with that she buried her face in her hands and fled the room, her loud sobs taking the place of the hammer, echoing through the house.
"Cohen!" Summer hissed, smacking his arm sharply.
"Ow." Seth cried out clutching his shoulder. "What was that for?"
"Why would you say that to her?" Summer demanded angrily. "Couldn't you tell she was upset?"
"Umm no." Seth responded, his eyes darting to the doorway where Taylor had disappeared. "Not really."
"Urgg." Summer rolled her eyes in exasperation. "I better go see if she's okay."
They found Taylor in the living room, curled up on the large, comfy sofa and hugging a pillow to her chest. Summer sat down beside her friend and patted her shoulder comfortingly, trying to slow her tears. Part of her was annoyed with Seth for setting Taylor off however she would take crying over the blank, lifeless expression Taylor had been sporting just moments ago any day.
Seth, who had been watching the two women curiously, perched himself on the arm of an opposite recliner and opened his mouth to speak. "So…." He began casually. "Why exactly are you so upset Taylor? What happened?"
"Cohen!" Summer hollered, shooting him a warning glare. "She doesn't want to talk abou-" But Taylor silenced her friend with a shake of her head and sat up, rubbing her puffy red eyes.
"It started out a few days ago when I overheard Ryan on the phone with Marissa making plans for today and I was sure he would tell me but then he didn't and I pretended to be asleep and he was coming over to me but then he left and I found a note saying they were taking family pictures and I was lonely so I went to Summer's store and we laughed and then she agreed to go spy on Ryan and Marissa with me but we were too late and missed them but then we found them in the park and they had hotdogs and Ryan looked serious and then they hugged! She burst into a fresh round of tears, leaning into Summer's shoulder.
Seth continued to watch Taylor expectantly for a moment but when she made no more attempts to speak though her thick tears he frowned in confusion.
"Wait that's it?" He asked, looking from Summer to Taylor and back to Summer. "You're sitting here crying your eyes out because you saw Ryan and Marissa hug?"
"Oh don't say it like that!" Taylor sobbed, crossing her arms in frustration. "It wasn't just an ordinary hug okay? It was long and romantic and couply!" You had to be there!"
"Okay." Seth said glancing at Summer. "I'll take your word for it."
"God I am so stupid!" Taylor wailed, grabbing a wad of tissues from the box on the coffee table and blowing her nose loudly. "How could I have not seen this before? I mean there were so many signs! The very first day I got to New York I walked in on them dancing and there have been so many secret phone calls and late night excursions that Ryan's never bothered to explain! You know, just a few weeks ago when we were all out for lunch her called her by her old nickname and what about the look on his face when her saw her in that wedding dress!" Taylor continued to weep. "I've been kidding myself thinking it was going to work between us. I mean you saw that hug today Summer! Tell him," She pointed at Seth. "that it was no ordinary hug! Tell him!"
"She's right." Summer said quietly. "But Taylor it was still only a hug."
Seth nodded. "Listen to Summer." He commanded Taylor. "It was only a hug. It doesn't mean anything. Lots of people hug all the time!"
"Not like that." Taylor shook her head. "He's going to leave me, I know it!" She dissolved once again in a fit of tears.
"Believe me Taylor if Ryan was going to leave you he would have done it by now." Seth told her, and Taylor, surprised, raised her head to look at Seth.
"What are you talking about?" She blubbered.
"I'm just saying that Marissa hasn't exactly been keeping her feelings for Ryan a secret. I mean just a few weeks ago she told him that she was in love with him but did he say it back? No. He pretended like nothing had happened. You obviously don't have anything to worry about Taylor. If Ryan still had any feelings for Marissa at all he would have gone to her right then and there or at least said he loved her too so if that isn't proof that he's moved on then I don't know what is." He smiled at her warmly.
Taylor frowned, her loud sobs fading into hiccups. "Marissa told Ryan that she was in love with him?" She asked, the sadness she was feeling evident in her soft voice. "When?"
"Erm.." Seth racked his brains uncomfortably. He hadn't realised that Ryan hadn't told Taylor about Marissa's phone call that night. "I guess it was the night of the twins' Halloween party." He admitted quietly. "I'm sorry Taylor."
Taylor sighed. "I don't think I can do it anymore you guys. As much as I want to be with Ryan he just doesn't seem to want to be with me. It's not worth the fight anymore."
"Now hold on Taylor!" Summer cried, upset by Taylor's empty tone. "Do you love Ryan?"
"Of course I do." Taylor answered tiredly.
"Then it's worth the fight."
Taylor just shook her head. "No it's not. Ryan will never love me the way he loves her Summer. Maybe he hasn't told her yet but sooner or later he will and I'm not going to stand around and watch that happen." She sighed. "I used to think that Ryan and I were meant to be. That we'd get married and live happily ever after. But if he won't even make time for me anymore then what's the point? I mean I barely see him. I think it's time I went home."
Summer was speechless. "Are you sure Taylor?" She finally sputtered out. "Are you actually going to give up on Ryan?"
"I don't think I have any choice." Taylor said sadly. "Maybe if he would actually open up to me for once or if he told me I was important to him or if he planned a day for just the two of us I would stay. But he hasn't even called me today and I don't think he's going to."
Seth opened his mouth to speak but Taylor just gave them a doleful smile. "It's been really nice hanging out with you guys again." She said sincerely, rising from the couch and slipping on her coat. "Stay in touch this time will you?"
"Of course!" Summer laughed with watery eyes, hopping off the couch to hug her friend. "You don't have to do this Taylor." She whispered but Taylor just smiled giving them a final wave. Goodbye Seth, Summer. I'll see you at your wedding!"
And just like that she was gone.
"Why are you crying?" Seth asked wrapping his arms around Summer's thin frame. "I thought you wanted Ryan and Marissa to end up together."
"I did." Summer answered. "I mean I do. But that doesn't mean I want to see Taylor hurt. She's my friend."
"I know." Seth sighed. "I feel the same way. Anyone could see that Ryan is still completely in love with Marissa but I couldn't tell Taylor that."
"Yeah." Summer agreed. "At least now Ryan and Marissa are free to get back together."
Seth nodded. "The fantastic four will soon be fantastic again!"
"Bed time!" Marissa announced as the movie credits rolled across the television screen. "And don't even try to tell me you're not tired, you were both yawning through the whole movie!"
"Kay." Lucy said sleepily, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. "Can Natey and I have a sleepover tonight?"
"Sure." Marissa agreed. "Ryan do you mind getting them ready for bed? I want to clean up the kitchen."
"Yeah no problem." Ryan smiled. "Come on guys." He held out a hand to each of them and started toward the bedrooms.
Marissa happily watched them go. Aside from the Santa incident, today had been a good day, she decided as she cleaned up the remains of their dinner- Thai food from the place down the street.
After leaving Macys they had gone ice skating at Rockefeller Center and then for hot chocolate before returning home for dinner and a movie. By the end of the day the twins had forgotten all about the department store Santa which was exactly what Ryan and Marissa had wanted.
She finished loading the dishwasher and then wiped the table before sinking down into the couch and pulling out her lap top. Mia had texted her saying she had emailed her the digital copies of the photos taken today and Marissa was eager to see how they'd turned out.
Down the hall Ryan was tucking both his son and daughter into Nate's little bed. "Did you guys have fun today?" He asked, knowing what their answer would be.
"It was great." Nate smiled, and Lucy nodded in agreement. "I wish you were coming to Califwornia with us daddy." She added.
"Me too." Ryan sighed. "But you guys will have a great time and just think, you'll get a whole second Christmas when you get back!" He laughed. "Besides I can't leave Taylor by herself."
The twins nodded as if that made sense to them. "Where was Taylor today anyway daddy?" Nate suddenly asked, looking up at Ryan with wide, questioning eyes.
"At home." Ryan said simply ruffling his son's hair.
"By herself?"
"Yes." Ryan sighed. "I suppose she was."
"But wasn't she lonely?" Lucy inquired curiously.
Ryan frowned. "I thought you guys hated Taylor." He remarked. "Why suddenly so concerned?"
Nate shrugged. "Haven't seen her in a while." He explained.
Lucy nodded. "She used to be around all the time. Doesn't she like you anymore daddy?"
Ryan was taken aback. "Of course she does." He assured them. "I just thought you two would rather be alone with me and mommy. Wasn't that what you asked Santa for for Christmas?"
"Yeah." Nate answered. "But nobody should be alone on the holidays. Didn't she want to come skating?"
"I don't know." Ryan admitted softly, suddenly feeling guilty for not inviting Taylor. "Good night guys. Go to sleep now."
He flicked off the light and left the room, still deep in thought.
"Ryan!" Marissa called from the living room. "Come look at the pictures from today!"
"Okay." Ryan joined her on the couch as she began to flip through the various shots.
"Is something wrong." She asked after a few minutes. "You seem distracted."
"It's nothing." He said. "Just something the kids said."
Marissa nodded knowingly. "I really appreciate you spending so much time with us." She told him. "I know it causes problems with you and Taylor but the twins really enjoy it. And so do I." She added quietly.
Ryan squirmed nervously in his seat and then turned to face her. "I think you were right earlier." He blurted out quickly. "When you said we should spend some time apart, I think you were right."
"I..where did that come from?" Marissa asked in confusion. "You're the one that said you needed me in your life earlier."
"It's just not fair to Taylor." Ryan tried to explain. "I've been completely ignoring her lately and that's not right. She is my girlfriend and I need to start treating her like it."
Marissa turned away, hurt, and got to her feet.
"When I'm with you, it's too easy to slip back into old routines." Ryan continued. "It's too easy to forget that you and the kids and I aren't the perfect little family I always dreamed of."
"We could be." Marissa said thickly, her back still to Ryan. "You know how I feel."
"I do." Ryan agreed. "But I can't keep doing this to Taylor." He reached for Marissa's hand and spun her to face him. "I'm always going to have feelings for you." He confessed seriously. "You were the first person I met in Newport, my first love, the mother of my children…but for right now I think it's best if we spend some time apart." Ryan paused for a moment, fighting a sudden urge to take it all back but forced himself to keep going. "We'll still see each other." He promised. "We'll see each other everyday when I come for Nate and Lucy or when you come to drop them off. But I think we should leave it at that for awhile, at least until after the holidays."
Marissa nodded but didn't speak, afraid that if she opened her mouth, sobs would come out instead of words.
"Okay." Ryan patted her arm. "I guess it's time for me to go. Those photos turned out beautifully by the way."
"Thanks." Marissa whispered and he smiled at her sadly.
"Bye Marissa. See you soon."
Ryan slipped out of the apartment and walked to the elevator mentally kicking himself for what he'd just done.
All the way home he thought about the situation, trying to convince himself that he had done the right thing. It hadn't been fair to Taylor, he reasoned, spending so much time with Marissa. Still, in another part of his brain, he knew that going back to Taylor and pretending everything was fine wasn't fair to her either, not when he was still in love with Marissa. Shaking this thought from his head, he climbed the stairs to his floor of the building and unlocked his door.
Taylor was sitting on the couch in the dark when he walked in and Ryan braced himself, knowing what he had to do.
"Hey." He greeted her with a smile, kissing the top of her head from behind. "How was your day?"
"Ryan I need to talk to you." She stated staring blankly ahead.
"Me first." Ryan interjected, sitting down beside her. "I just want to say that I'm sorry." He began. "For everything. I haven't been treating you very fairly lately and I want you to know that that's going to change. From this point on you, our relationship, is my top priority, after Nate and Lucy of course. I'm not going to be spending any more time with Marissa, I'm going to focus on you. Taylor you are very important to me and I'm going to start making an effort to show you that. Do you think you can forgive me?"
Taylor hesitated before breaking into a smile. "You have one more chance Ryan Atwood and you better not screw it up!"
"I won't I promise." He hugged her tightly. "You go on to bed, I'll be there in a minute."
"Okay." She smiled feeling happier than she had in weeks. Just when she had been ready to give up and call it quits Ryan had said exactly what she'd been wanting to hear for months. So what if he hadn't told her where he was going today, Ryan had promised her that he was going to change. He'd said that she was important to him. It was like the universe was trying to tell her to hold on a little bit longer and she was going to listen. Giggling with happiness and relief Taylor changed into her pajamas and brushed her teeth. On the other side of the bathroom door Ryan was sitting on the bed, taking off his shoes. He pulled his blackberry out of his pocket and was about to plug it in to charge when he noticed the background. It was one of the photos they had taken today. Marissa must have put it on, he realized, when he was putting the kids to bed. Staring at the tiny black and white image on his phone Ryan was suddenly overcome by an intense longing. The family in the photo looked so happy. The children were laughing, the father was grinning proudly, a look of adoration in his eyes, and the mother, Ryan swallowed, the mother was beautiful.
"What are you looking at?" Taylor asked curiously, pulling Ryan back to reality as she climbed into bed.
"Nothing." He stammered quickly. "Just the new sketches for the project I'm working on at the office." He slipped the phone back into his pocket and got up, heading for the bathroom.
"Ryan?" Taylor's voice stopped him in the doorway.
"Yeah?" He answered without turning around.
"I love you."
Ryan closed his eyes and sighed. "I love you too.
But it wasn't Taylor that he pictured as he said it. It was the beautiful girl from the picture. Marissa.
So there you have it. I know it probably seems like this story's not going anywhere and the same things just keep happening over and over but I promise that one day soon the plot will start to advance a little bit. I just have to set everything up first. I haven't started writing the next chapter yet but I still have a few days off school so I'll try to get the next update to you quickly. Thank you for reading and please reviews!