I sat up on the bed as I heard my phone ringing, I noticed I had not even taking my shoes off as I had laid down on the bed last night. I looked around the room I guess Hap really did have nothing to say.

I grabbed my phone as I kicked off my shoes and walked over to the shower, turning on the water I called Tara back but it went straight to voice mail.

~A~

After taking a shower and getting ready for another day at the clubhouse I walked out of the room heading over to where the guys were.

I sat down next to Piney as Clay once again was in the chapel as Bobby sat next to me as he offered me a muffin.

"No I'm not hungry" I said as Piney handed me a water bottle.

"Tig's got your mother in a motel, she's going to be alright we got Tig and the Oregon guys looking out for her." he said as his phone began to ring.

"Did you eat anything yet?" asked Hap as I looked over at him, now he had something to say. Asshole.

"Where is he?" Clay asked as he stepped out of the Chapel followed by Bobby.

"P.D Let him back in the house yesterday." answered Juice.

"Let's go get him" he said as all the guys stood up. "Jess go with Hap, Jax will need you."

"Why can't I just stay here." I said as Hap grabbed my arm as we walked over to his bike. I would of really appreciated if I could stay with Chucky and help him tidy up as he had put it.

Riding with Hap at this moment just pissed me off more that he had walked away without saying anything last night. The only person I wanted on my side apparently wasn't.

~A~

When we got to Jax's I got off the bike and walked over to Clay as we made our way to the door. I noticed Tara's car was not here as Neeta opened the door as we all stared at her figuring out why she was here.

"Tara called me, he's in the Nursery." she said as we walked inside. I walked over to the room followed by Opie as we found Jax passed out surrounded by empty alcohol bottles.

"Common Jax" I said as Opie grabbed one of his arms as we helped him stand up.

"We got some information on Abel." said Opie as Jax began to open his eyes. "I got him." said Opie as he carried him over to the restroom as I went to turn on the shower.

~A~

Once we got him in the shower I walked back into the kitchen as I wanted to know why Neeta was here instead of Tara.

"So why did Tara called you?" I asked her as she was turning on the coffee pot.

"Said she needed to get out of here that she didn't know what to do." Neeta answered as I sat down as Opie came out of the restroom closing the door. "Are you alright you seem a little pale. Have you been eating?" she asked as she gave me a cup of coffee.

"Yeah I already ate something" I said as she knew I was lying by the way she was looking at me as she served the guys coffee.

"Your mother wants to talk to you. Can you two try to be civil with each other." said Clay as he walked into the kitchen.

"Not really but we can try." I said as I smiled at him as I grabbed the phone and got up. "Hey mom." I said as I walked over to the living room.

"Are you feeling better?" she asked as know I felt bad for fighting with her the other day.

"Not really" I said as I sat down as I heard her sigh.

"Yeah me either I just miss all of you so much."

"Yeah we all need you over here mom."

"I want to be there to baby. I need you to keep on eye on Abel and Jax for me, especially Clay."

"Yeah um Neeta is back at Jax's taking care of him, and well I'll manage with Jax and Clay."

"That's good Jess I got to go. I love you."

"Alright I love you too mom" I said as I closed the phone, Clay thought it was a good idea to not tell mom about Abel I on the other hand saw it as a big mistake. She was going to kill us all when she finds out.

"Hey" said Jax as he walked up to me as I stood up and hugged him. "Who were you just talking to?"

"Just talking to mom, she still doesn't know about Abel."

"Yeah Clay just told me about that." he said as Clay walked in.

"Ready to go?" he asked Jax.

"Yeah let's go do this." he answered back as I let go of Jax.

"Jess" called out Clay as I was about to walk back into the kitchen.

"Stick to Piney I know." I said as I walked passed the guys as they left the house as Hap grabbed my arm.

"Neeta made you something to eat." said Hap as he walked me over to the kitchen.

"I'm not hungry." I said to both him and Neeta.

"Jessica sit down."

"I'm going to get the van, pick you up in a few." said Piney as Hap walked out.

"Please hurry." I said as he began to laugh as Neeta sat down in front of me.

"You want to talk?" Neeta asked as I looked over at her.

"I'm not ready to say anything."

"Alright I just want you to eat then, Hap said you haven't been eating."

"I hate feeling like I'm alone and the feeling just won't go away."

"Jessica that is the last thing you are."

"Yeah I guess." I said as I waited for Piney to come pick me up as Neeta began to clean as I ate.

"Anything on Abel?"

"No not yet." I said as she grabbed the plate as my phone began to ring.

"Well you didn't eat much but at least I got something in you." she said as she grabbed her things as we walked outside stopping me before I walked over to the the van. "Be careful Jess and call me if you need anything." she said.

"I will" I said as she let me go and made my way over to Piney.

~A~

All I wanted to do was just go home and just stay there till everything would get better, but I knew that was not going to be possible.

"Won't take long, we will be back at the clubhouse in no time." said Piney as he headed over to the funeral.

"I thought Half sacks things were already covered."

"Yeah just finishing up the arrangement for his hole." he answered.

"I'm going to take a walk" I said as he looked over at me as I got out of the van.

"Tell the old man that I miss him." he said as I just shook my head and made my way over to dad. As I was walking over I noticed Jax was there.

"Hey." he said as he looked up at me.

"Anything?" I asked as I sat down next to him as he shook his head no.

"What are you doing here?" he asked as he held my hand.

"Here with Piney finishing up some stuff for Half sack."

"Another funeral."

"Our kind of life."

"I don't see a way out of this Jess. I can't ever make it right, I'm been trying to find some kind of balance between our family and the club and Tara I feel she needs to get out of this. I know you and mom would of taken a bullet for Abel, but I don't know with Tara. I feel like she could of done more and at the same time I just blame myself, this life."

"You know I don't really like Tara that much but I know she is different than me and mom she might just have a reason for not doing everything possible to have stopped Cameron. Jax you will find your balance once you get Abel back and you will Jax." I said as he pulled me in for a hug.

There were not that many times I had seen Jax cry, but every time I always want to find away to take his pain away. I noticed one of his rings that used to belong to dad was on top of the grave. Why would he take it off?

"Piney waiting for you?" he asked as he composed himself and stood up.

"Yeah." I said as he helped me stand up. "Jax do you think if dad was alive we would have gone thru all of this shit?"

"No he had other plans for the club. You should read dad's book."

"Nah I rather remember him the way he was before Tommy's death." I said as he put an arm around me as we walked over to where Piney had parked.

"You ready to go Hap's been calling you." said Piney as he passed me my phone.

"Yeah let's just get this over with." I said as I got in the van so that we could go back to the club.

~A~

Once we got back to the club everyone was getting ready for the wake as I went to change, walking into the room I heard the water running.

As I had finished getting dressed Hap walked out of the restroom as I was putting on my shoes, when I noticed he was walking over to me I grabbed my jacket and my phone and made my way to the door.

"Jess."

"Not now I'll wait for you outside." I said leaving the room. Even though I knew he was not going to be okay with the news I wanted him to be by my side not walking away from me leaving me to cry myself to sleep.

~Hap~

I kept my eyes on Jess as she was kneeled in front of Half's casket,every time I looked at at her I knew she was pissed at me. I had to clear my head last night, I still did not know what to think about Jess being pregnant or what she wanted to do.

As she stood up Chibs moved forward as Jax was walking in as Jess gave him a quick hug and made her way over to me.

Jess stayed by my side as we waited for Clay and Jax, she had avoided talking to everyone else not just me.

"Think we can stay at the house tonight?" she asked as we were leaving.

"If you want to." I said as she would probably feel better at the house. "Shit" I pulled Jess down as I heard the gunshots.

"Fuck you alright?" I asked her as I made sure everything was clear so that she could stand up.

"Yeah." she answered as I helped her stand up.

"Jess." called out Clay as he looked over to us.

"I'm good." she answered Clay. "Are you alright?" she asked me as she held on to me as she sought out my hand.

"Yeah." I answered as I held her hand as she looked around as she let go of my hand.

"Jax." called out Jess as I turned to see what was going on as she left my side and followed Opie as I saw Jax smashing one of the shooter's head. As Bobby and Opie held Jax back, Jess was trying to control Jax.

"Hap take Jess back to the clubhouse, last thing she needs is to worry about this shit." said Clay as she was making her way over to us with Bobby as they had Jax in handcuffs. He had a point but knowing Jess she was always worried about Jax.

"Jess go back to the clubhouse." said Clay as he gave her a hug.

"What about Jax?"

"I'll deal with Unser Jess, just go with Hap." answered Clay.

"Let's go" I grabbed her arm as we walked over to my bike.

~A~

I headed over to where I should have brought her yesterday, turning off the engine as she got off and as always walked over to the table.

"Came out here to clear my head last night." I told her as she sat down. "I never wanted a kid, right now I can't guarantee you that we will be alright." I said as she nodded. I felt like having a kid was not for us we could barely handle each other but I will be by her side.

"Hap I know I can do this without you, I just don't want to. I've reached a point where I'm so tired of worrying that I'm going to lose you."

"That's not going to happen."

"Then don't walk away when I need you the most."

"I've asked for a transfer to Samcro."

"That's good your club needs you."

"I'm not doing it for the club, I'm doing it for you, for us."

(Thanks for reading and reviewing)