A/N Just had to update since y'know the world is ending.

It was obvious that I, Leah Clearwater, wasn't Leah Clearwater without Jacob Black.

He was fighting it, fighting her.

He actually gave a fuck about us.

He wasn't Sam, that's for damn sure.

He would never go through the embarrassment and trouble of walking through the woods, blasting N'sync in an attempt to get me to come home. He had too much pride.

But Jacob didn't give a fuck.

And that's why he's perfect.

Nothing could make me hate him. No matter how crazy he made me or how wrong somethings might be, he was always my number one. I'd do anything for him and I knew the feeling was mutual.

I couldn't be without him. He'd have to cross a pretty dangerous line for me to even think about leaving him for good. Going back to California was a bluff. I wouldn't take Baby Doll from him again; I'm not that heartless.

I continue packing my bag and Baby Dolls.

I went three weeks almost a month without Jacob Black and didn't shed a single tear until last night. He makes me wanna die yet live at the same time. I kinda liked how he made me feel like I was nineteen again and not twenty six, damn near thirty years old. At least I'd reach my goal of getting married before hitting the big three-oh. Never in a million years did I think I'd become Mrs. Jacob Black.

Sarah's ring distracts me from folding my child's clothes. I set her shirt down and stare at the rock. I really wish she could've been here to help me. Or help him.

I wanted to ask her what a real wife was. How was I supposed to support Jake in his time of need? I've never had to. I've always been the one with the issue and needed consulting. I was more fucked up than he was and he seemed to like me for it. He's stayed with me this long.

If I were to name all the bad things Jake's ever done to me then any normal person would tell me to leave him. A good boyfriend, or rather fiance', should never cheat, lie, or put hands on his girl. He's done all of that but he was still Jacob. I don't recall ever lying to him ever and cheating on him was out of the question. Paul didn't count considering I slept with him a short time before Jacob and I even considered each other. As said before, we were stubborn and thickheaded. We were fucking idiots.

That night on patrols was perfect. I'd like to think the full moon had something to do with us. After confessing our attraction to each other and nuzzling our noses, we took a little walk with out tails wagging and intertwining like it was a Disney movie. We went from the borders of La Push and onto Canada, which was quite a stroll.

I cuddled for the first time since Sam that night.

I had licked his face with my wide wolf tongue and made him chase me like I would've Sam, the only difference being I wanted him to catch me. When he did, he tackled me on my back so I was on the ground with my four legs in the air while he hovered over me and licked my face back.

After pushing him off, I pinned him on his back and it became a playful fight. After a while, he surrendered and lay up against a tree. He wagged his tail so I'd join him and I was hesitant at first. I slowly made my way towards that tree and found the two of us, snuggling close together like we'd been in love for years.

While my paws stayed on either side of my head, his head makes a pillow of my neck as if to protect it. We fall asleep as animals but awake as bare humans.

I wasn't shy about showing my body considering he'd seen it more times than my father would approve of. He blushed a little and I told him it's okay to stare cus the feeling was mutual. Sarah Black would've killed me if she ever caught a glimpse of the lewd thought I had about her baby boy.

Every night after that, it was me and him. He never officially asked me to be his girlfriend but I think the whole taking his virginity and Paul asking him if I was his girlfriend and him saying 'yes' kinda made things official.

And that leaves the abuse.

My face stung with the memory of his hand swiping my face. I should've expected it at some point but this wasn't just a little slap. His five calloused fingers made for damn sure certain to reach from my temple and down to my chin. The blow had me a daze, slapping the taste right out my mouth.

And the worse part of it all was why he did it. I said something stupid and he didn't react how I'd expected.

I know it was wrong but I couldn't help that I deserved it. I hope I wasn't becoming one of those woman. If Jacob ever hit me again, it'd be lights out.

Maybe another reason as to why he did it was cus he was tired of being used as a punching bag. Whenever we had an argument, my hands would fly to hurt anything I could when I knew damn well he could fight back and kill me. It's a double standard and I didn't like being slapped in the face and I bet he doesn't either. I had to work on other ways of getting my anger out on him without physically hurting him no matter how glorious punching his face felt.

I shiver. I've never been more scared of him in my life. He'd never grabbed me like that and he had that look in his eyes; the look of murder. He could've killed me if he wanted so he left me off easy with just a slap.

I didn't know how to react so I just stared at him. Once the pain kicked in, it was way too late and the normal tint of his eyes had returned. He was apologetic and the worry in his stare showed he didn't even mean it. His hands were shaking while I could only apologize about how angry I got him. The aggression, built of energy from not phasing and celibacy brought him to it, which led up to our attempt at having sex which ended up with me crying and making him feel like he'd violated me.

I wonder what he was thinking when he'd done these things. He wouldn't intentionally hurt me so why'd he do it? It that damn temper that made him so scary.

But as stated before, nothing could make me hate him.

Speaking of sex, having it with Jacob was like the second coming of Jesus Christ. Some might say it was an exaggeration but only Nessie and I could confirm that was so.

Jacob-even though you never would've guessed it-was an absolute freak.

The downright most nastiest, lewdest, freakiest, dirtiest, creative and sexiest lover I've ever had.

Sam was the worst, Paul was decent-actually Paul was pretty good- but neither of them could even compare to the type of bodily pleasure Jacob caused me. He turned me right out; I wasn't a freak before but I sure am now.

I'd like to believe I attribute to the freak in him given I took his virginity. Cus after taking it and locking it away forever, Jacob was suddenly a full experienced porn star.

I remember this one time we were making a midnight snack of sundaes at his dad's. One minute, we're scooping ice cream and next thing I know, I'm spreadeagled, ass naked on the counter, letting him lick chocolate sauce, caramel and whipped cream off of my- well the rest is inferred.

There was flexible and then there's Jacob Black flexible. Essentially, the same principles applied but one was just a little more complicated than the other. I should get Nessie a shirt that read "I survived Jacob Black."

My sense of humor was terrible.

Everything about that man screamed fuck me. From that rich and dark, thick hair that I begged him to grow out but he insisted to keep it short. It was my only source to pull on.

Then there was his face that I've spent hours of riding and sitting on. Dirty, yes but he was mine to do so with.

The rest of his body was just a wonderland. With huge, broad, shadowing shoulders leading into his toned pecs and chest muscle that cascade into that eight pack that glistens with each deep cut and ridge of muscle. I've punched his abdominal before and it feels pretty close to punching a brick wall.

To sexually frustrate me further he had a V carved perfectly from the middle of his hip bones and down into his crotch with a very slim and thin line of fur leading from his belly button and down.

The rest need not be explained because you can just judge by his height and unusually larger limbs that he had a very big um...er, package.

Since his accident, it's. . . grown due to the meds Carlisle gave him. Everything on him grew just like Carlisle said and he wasn't kidding. I'd only felt the change once and obviously, it'd hurt and I had to beg him to stop. Which brings me back to wondering how Nessie handled it. I think about the T-shirt again.

Pouting now, I continue to pack Baby and mine's things. I grabbed Bronx's favorite chew toy from under the bed and threw that in there too. I didn't realize how much time passed till I look up at the digital clock and realize Jake's been gone for two hours.

Once I finish putting the clean sheets on the bed, I put our suitcases by the door. I take a trip to the bathroom to wash my face but end up grimacing at my reflection and the mess he made of my hair. I wouldn't be surprised if we had some African roots in the Clearwater family cus no matter how much I pray, it would never be tame. It was awkward enough receiving looks of confusion from black girls when they see me in all my "light skin" glory put the same hair products as them in my basket when I go shopping for hair stuff. Baby Doll's hair was the same way as was Sue's when she was my age.

I guess I'd deal with it later.

It's gonna feel good coming back home. I'd suck that I had to wait till Rachel came home to take me cus I wanted to get there now and put together a welcome home dinner type thing for him and Baby Doll.

So I guess I'm stuck here for now. Maybe I should eat something or take a walk to occupy myself.

I've always felt safe and secure in the woods, ironically enough.

It's my second haven with Jacob's arms leading first place. I felt like no one could hurt me here when I knew it was possible. My fears washed away in La Push.

It's so quiet out here, especially in the middle of the day. The most you'd hear is a bird or two. This type of serenity was a good therapy especially for someone like me with an insane temper.

Actually now might be a good time to think of my wedding vows. Alice advised me to do so in a nice and quiet spot where it was easy to think. The heart of La Push was the perfect place.

"Um," I mutter and step over a fallen branch. There's a distant splash as the pressure of the sea hits the rocks on First Beach. It echoes and I can already smell the salt from the water.

"Jacob, you mean a lot to me, obviously."

The wind whistles and I feel like it's telling me to step up my game.

I start over.

"Jacob, I know you don't mean to make me sad or make me cry. Sometime's love isn't enough and...er, I know the road gets tough."

I sigh and try to forget about all the bad we've ever done to each other. It stings to know I even have to. "I don't know why."

The waves get louder. I walk faster.

"You keep making me laugh, though."

I chuckle at a joke he once told me and it's refreshing to know I could still laugh.

"Fuck a wedding. Let's go get high," I continue and just say whatever comes to mind. "This road we're about to go down is long but we'll carry on and I swear we'll have fun in the meantime."

I should be writing this down. I was practically a poet.

"I guess you took a walk on the wild side deciding to marry me. I'm a pretty crazy bitch but that's how it's always been. I wanna fuck and kiss you hard in the pouring rain but you like that cus. . .you like your girls insane."

He's not so tame himself.

I sigh and run a hand through my fucked up hair.

"Once I say I do, it's done. This is the last time, till death do us part. It's us forever and ever. And when forever ends, choose your last words carefully before you leave me cus you and I. . .we were. . ."

I'm stuck there.

"We were. . .we're. . ."

I close my eyes and have come to an abrupt stop trying to think of something to finish my vows off.

I come up with nothing so I break into a sprint, trying to find the inspiration and will to finish it. I can't cus I didn't know us well enough. We were strangers when it came to love. We're back to being idiots. The pleasurable pressure of our marriage gaining on me. I push to escape it.

I hope to phase soon but all I can do is run faster and skip every so often, letting the wind ride me.

The sharp wind whistles through my scalp and pores now, relaxing my panicked and empty outer self. I feel that pressure gain on me. I yelp out randomly as if to scare it but it's on my heels.

My leg muscle begin to freeze up on me and to avoid toppling over, I leap and land on the nearest rock formation in my path.

I've landed in an animalistic pose, giving away my true identity easily and letting Poca-my alter ego-have her time to breathe.

My eyes narrow at the sight before me.

I wasn't running; I was being chased.

"You," I growl and jump off my rock, nearing the redhead. My skin begins to crawl just at the look of her.

"Leah, before you kill me-" Nessie begins with her hands up in defense.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't, " I snap at her, fist balled and skin prickling from trying to keep the beast within stay in. I didn't wanna fuck up my friendship with Bella for mauling her little angel.

She backs away and her eyes widen in panic when she takes my putting my hair up as a threat. I was half serious, half messing with her. If she did pounce, I'd be ready.

"I just need to talk to you," her voice quivers along with her lips.

"You can talk to my fists," is my reply, causing her to shake. How dare she follow me. Her nerve was extraordinary.

She looks like she might cry so the angel in me-if there was any left-goes easy on her.

Maybe I should just listen. Whatever she had to say must've been important; important enough to chase me down. She was just a teenager and she made a mistake. I was a teen once, I made mistakes. Maybe ones not as horrific as sleeping with an engaged father of one but jacked up mistakes nonetheless. Seth seemed to still love her and if she continues to make him happy even after what's happened, I'll give the little homewrecker the benefit of the doubt.

"Leah, just please. I know I'm the last person you'd wanna see but I gotta get this off my chest. You deserve to know more than anyone." She reasons and hold herself tightly.

I stare at her, trying to force my facial expression to ease.

"What."

She sighs of relief and tensely begins to braid the end of her bloodshot colored ponytail.

"It's about what happened to you."

She has my full attention now.

"What?"

She closes her eyes and exhales nervously, making it plainly obvious she was telling me a secret intended for me not to know. I fidget impatiently.

"Your attacker and your scars. I know who did it. I know who did this to you. You have to leave La Push soon or this could end worse than it did last time."

A/N I wish one of you would try to not review now. I'm cliffhanging like a BOSS.