sorry again for delays in chapters, I don't know if I've mentioned this but i'm a beta reader for several people (not on here) but that has kept me very busy. Also i'm not gonna lie but i've been lacking motivation to write lately, however I finish this story even if it kills me.

BornRose2 : thank you so much! I try to mix it up a little not going to lie :P

ALSO I FORGOT TO INCLUDE THIS IN THE LAST CHAPTER, BUT HAPPY HOLIDAY'S EVERYONE! :^)

Victoria crossed her arms and stared at the stained patch of carpet in front of her, she didn't want to look up at Integra's pity filled gaze which was locked on her. The blonde cleared her throat roughly and leaned forward onto her desk, "Victoria? Are you taking this all in?"

"I-I am" Victoria sputtered quickly looking up, "I just...what do I do? Who will replace me?"

"Victoria" she begun in a sympathetic tone, "much has happened to you, physically and mentally, frankly I'm surprised you're still sane" she confessed. "But...you are now a vampire, an undead creature that feasts on human blood, naturally I cannot allow you to be around wounded soldiers".

"You think I'll lose control and kill them" Victoria huffed,

"No, not you per-say.." Integra trailed off. "I believe, Katja would only do such a thing".

"How would you know what she would do" Victoria barked, "a few days ago you couldn't tell us apart!"

Integra merely scowled, "Are you still stuck on this issue? I don't like this new attitude of yours, I've gotten complaints you've become aggressive and difficult to work with".

"Oh yeah?" The artist scoffed, "it was one of the fucking geese wasn't it? Just because that idiot thought he could-"

"Enough" Integra snapped, "our tolerance will only go so far, you are testing our patience with your actions, you are lucky we have allowed you to live!"

Victoria snapped her mouth shut and grit her teeth in frustration, knowing the woman had a point and under most circumstances she would've be killed. "Yes sir" she muttered.

Integra ignored the woman's comment before continuing, "Moving on, you are aware of Millenniums plans of war I'm sure, but now, we will tell you your part in this".

"What part? As far as we are concerned this is between Alucard and the Nazis or whatever, maybe the Vatican will get in there somewhere too from what I've heard" Victoria muttered.

"Regardless of your views, you are now one of Hellsing's vampire soldiers, and while we don't have sufficient time to train you to be on the front lines, I'm sure we can place you in defence" Integra explained sternly.

"What of Seras" Victoria quipped, "where will she be?"

"I'm sure Seras has informed you Alucard being placed on the enemy warship," Integra explained, "as for Seras she will be placed with the Geese".

"So I'm alone?" Victoria gasped, "I'll be killed!"

"Unlikely" Integra replied, "but a possibility, as it is with everyone in this war, sometimes..you have to make sacrifices Victoria".

"We don't want to be in the war" the vampiress sighed, "it's not fair-"

"Of course it isn't!" Integra snapped once again, "do you think anyone wants to be apart of it?! Do you think we want to face two enemy armies? No! How selfish of you to say such things when you by far, have the easiest and safest position!"

After Integra had finished her rant the air was filled with a heavy silence, and Victoria looked at the floor in shame. "Sorry sir I didn't think-"

"That's right, you didn't think, and after I came all the way back here to talk to you about this issue you refuse to co-operate! " Integra barked, "now I suggest you make amends with Alucard as you won't see him for awhile. While you're at it, say goodbye to half of the geese, I doubt you'll see most of them alive again".

"Yes sir, sorry sir" she mumbled,

"Now, if you excuse me I have to go back to the conference immediately" Integra barked pointing to the ajar door, "go bother Seras".

Victoria dragged her heavy feet to the door, not bothering to look back. "Yes sir".

XxX

Alucard dragged his feet down the basement stairs and tiredly searched for his room, where he would inevitably spend the few hours of his day before boarding the jet later. However as he walked down the hall he noticed the usually sealed door next to Seras's room slightly ajar, curiosity enticing him to look inside he slowly pushed open the door to find Walter hunched over a small book.

"What do you have there Walter?" He inquired smoothly,

The butler jumped at his voice and quickly snapped the book shut, "oh, uh nothing" he muttered standing in front of the table to hide the item.

Alucard scowled and gently pushed past the butler who with reluctance moved to the side, exposing the medium sized paint covered book. "Please don't tell her, I did not know what it was" he confessed.

"You looked through her sketchbook?" He replied in amusement picking up the item, "hardly a crime, she leaves it lying around everywhere". Flicking through the pages he could tell the definite transition in her work, her most recent work he found it lacked colour, and consisted of heavy bold, violent strokes of a brush or pencil. Still creating a lovely image, but it was a definite difference from her previous colourful sunset studies.

"She's very talented" Walter remarked fondly,

"Indeed, she would have had a successful future in art" the vampire noted setting down the book gently.

"About what happened between you too-" Walter begun,

"It's nothing" Alucard dismissed, "she just needs time to sort through her erratic emotions".

The butler frowned at his comment, noting the vampire took little responsibility for his actions, however wishing to avoid and argument he agreed. "I'm sure" he sighed, "now, excuse me as I finish setting up her room".

"Of course" he replied dryly before continuing to his room.

XxX

Seras gently pushed open the metal door, the squeaking echoing through the small narrow hallway before flipping on the light switch, the small room was immediately filled with a flickering light. "Walter had been preparing this room for awhile" Seras explained, "I know it's a downgrade but-"

"No, no it's fine" Victoria cut her off suddenly, "vampires get hidden away in the basement, I get it" she droned gloomily before entering the room. The low ceiling, narrow grey stone walls, and lack of widows made her feel as if she were in a dungeon. Walking over to the other side of the room she gently nudged the wooden coffin with her foot, "looks comfortable" she muttered sarcastically.

"Oh no it's really not that bad" Seras reassured walking around the room, "maybe some posters, and a couch... maybe potted plants?"

"It's a dungeon" she snorted collapsing on the small wooden chair nearby, "and it always will be".

Seras sighed and glanced at the woman before taking the chair nearby, "well, how about we go shopping?" She offered, "maybe I can help...cheer it up a bit?"

"Thanks Seras" Victoria replied halfheartedly, not particularly keen on the offer. "But, I'm only here during the day I suppose, and extension cord for my phone charger will be fine" she replied laying her head on her arms.

Seras's smile faded and a crease formed on her brow, "oh okay, well is there anything I can help with? You seems kinda upset?"

"I talked to Integra, she yelled at me a lot, I don't know...we just got angry at the things she was saying I guess" Victoria confessed.

"Wait, we?" Seras repeated confused,

"Katja and I" Victoria replied flatly.

Victoria referring to herself and Katja as one being unnerved the fledgling but she ignored the comment anyway. "Integra is under a lot of stress, she's been yelling at everyone don't worry" the blonde reassured, "give it a few hours and she'll be fine".

"Well I'll worry about it later, it's not like Millennium's knocking on the door yet. As for now I have a funeral to attend, help me pick an outfit? " Victoria sighed walking over to her dresser and dumping a large pile of clothes on the table. "I don't know what to chose".

The fledgling wanted to smile at her request, that she was finally responsive today, but the thoughtful and yet sadly blank look on the artist's face found her feeling the same. It was a depressing day for many after all.

XxX

Victoria looked into the dirty mirror that sat on her dresser and slowly buttoned her blouse, the shaking in her hands stronger than ever. "why am I so nervous?" She asked herself, feeling her throat burn and voice crack, the threat of crying evident.

'Its because you feel guilty' Katja replied flatly,

The artist now used to her voice barely jumped, "I did everything I could" she reassured herself, "she was too far gone".

'No, you think you could have saved her foolish girl' she scolded, 'every night since you have been conscious, every moment you regr-'.

"Stay out of my thoughts!" She hissed, "just go away! I'm busy",

'It is not like I wish to hear them' Katja defended, 'but your sorrow for her loss is so loud'.

Victoria was at a loss for words, her shaking hands fell limp and rested at her side, Katja was right and the artist knew it. After several minutes of silence between them Victoria looked at her reflection in the mirror, only then she noticed the thin ring of crimson lining her dark eyes had thickened, only by mere millimeters, but still noticeable.

"What are you doing Katja?!" She growled staring into her own reflection's eyes with hatred, "just leave me alone, you've had your fun just let me live" The artist begged.

'You cannot keep pushing me away Victoria' Katja warned, 'we are the same person...you and I'.

Victoria let out a long shuttering sigh, "I know, just...today...let me have today Katja".

'Alucard can be so harsh sometimes, but after you have pushed him away, and continue to push aside Seras...you will have no one left but me" Katja reminded in a condescending tone, 'you will only have me'.

After her comment, Katja's voice faded to a whisper and then silenced completely. Victoria looked back to the mirror, relieved to see the circles of red somewhat receding.

Suddenly she was pulled from her thoughts when several loud knocks echoed throughout the room, "Uh Victoria are you okay" Seras asked, "are you talking to someone? can I come in?"

Sighing Victoria dabbed her eyes before slipping on sunglasses and grabbing her bag nearby, "yes, I'll be right out".

XxX

Victoria impatiently tapped her foot against the wooden floor while drumming her fingers against the nearby banister. Waiting in the entrance of the mansion for Seras to return from her room at the realization she had forgot her phone. After what seemed like several long minutes she heard footsteps coming down the hall nearby, putting away her own phone she eagerly looked up only to spot the familiar dark red duster. Sighing she quickly turned around as he walked to the entrance himself, obviously waiting for someone as well.

The elder vampire occasionally shot quick glances to the woman from the corner of his eye, checking to see if she was in fact looking back.

Victoria however was aware of this, he was never the subtle type after all, instead she buried herself further into her phone and begun typing random words to appear busy. Alucard let out a soft grunt of frustration and cleared his throat roughly, to which Victoria ignored, that was however until he kept repeating this action, trying to redirect her attention.

"Evening" she addressed dryly not looking up from her phone,

"Good evening" he replied smoothly, "where are you going?"

"Funeral" she deadpanned stuffing her phone away,

"Alex's?" Alucard asked softly.

His tone annoyed Victoria, how he was acting so civil and kind now, and while he was done being upset, she certainly wasn't. "Yes" she hissed dryly, "who else's?"

He clenched his teeth in frustration, sensing the small talk wasn't helping, instead he got straight to the point. "Victoria, I will be away for some while" he begun lowly, "it's become apparent that Millennium is finally making their move" he explained. Victoria nodded softly, acknowledging his comments, but still refusing to look at him. "I may not return in time to see you into battle, I regret not being able to teach you how to control you powers" he confessed. "But, before I leave, I would like to make amends".

Victoria bit her cheek, relieved her eyes were shielded as they showed her true emotions, letting out a long sigh she glanced at his solemn expression, not covered with his usual sly grin. "We have not decided if we are participating in this... Feud between Millennium, Hellsing and the Vatican" she replied gruffly, "...is this an apology?"

"Yes" he replied simply, "I regret my actions, I regret the trouble I have caused you".

Victoria bit the inside of her cheek anxiously and glanced up at the man, seeing his expectant expression. "I accept your apology" she replied slowly, "but...I do not forgive you, it will take time". Alucard's brief smile faded and his eyes set on a blank stare. "I am sure, that we will meet again, Alucard, but until then... Time apart is what I need".

His face was set on both a disappointing and somewhat sad expression, however before he could open his mouth Seras came racing down the hall in a flurry of black clothing.

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry" she cried, "I've finally foun-" she huffed meeting up to the pair, falling silent as she met the tense atmosphere.

"No, it's fine, let's go" Victoria said shortly before turning towards the man, "until next time... Alucard".

XxX

The air was humid and heavy, the threat of rain looming in the distance as the clouds rolled in and a low rumble of thunder could just barely be heard. The unkempt cemetery was silent, as Victoria and Seras strode up the path they glanced at all the unkempt tombstones, the artist swearing she wouldn't let Alex's become as decrepit. As the woman approached the small group of people she was disappointed to find that she barely recognized any, with the exception of Alex's parents and boyfriend, who was sobbing on a bench nearby. Before she could offer her condolences to the man, Alex's parents rushed over, both teary eyed and pale.

Before she could open her mouth, the woman's mother clasped Victoria's hands in her own, making an effort to stare into her concealed eyes. "Victoria dear, we are glad to see you could make it, after we heard of your condition we were worried we had lost you too" she wept. "Now don't go think that this was your fault, it's not your fault you couldn't do anything".

"Speak for yourself" the father growled glaring at the vampiric pair, "a military medic couldn't fix a scratch",

"It was more than that-" she protested.

Ignoring her comment he continued in a bitter tone, "as far as I'm concerned... It should've been you. You got lucky".

All three women had their mouths hung open in shock before the mother muttered hurried embarrassed apologies before rushing her husband away in a flurry. After several seconds of silence Seras spoke,

"Are you okay?" She asked timidly, "you know it's not your f-"

"I know that" Victoria snapped, "I know she was going to die, I know I couldn't save her, and I know the only reason I lived and she didn't was because of pure fucking luck. What I know is my fault, is that I couldn't kill the bastard who did it, I missed my shot and he got away" she rasped shaking with anger.

Seras frowned and did her best to avoid looking into Victoria's blank gaze, "Victoria, your shot wouldn't have killed him, it takes more than a few to kill those vampires" she explained softly. "You can't let this hatred burden you forever".

"Well I can't forgive him" Victoria stated dryly, "I will kill him or die trying",

Seras spotted the priest approaching the mourners and let out a long sigh. 'What can I say' she thought, pulling out a packet of crumpled tissues from her purse. "Come on, the service is starting" she replied softly,

Victoria glanced at the group before hurriedly striding towards the mourners, "Let's get this over with".

XxX

The drive to the airport was short, but it gave the vampire enough time to think about his actions. His meeting with the artist earlier, was both unplanned and disappointing, him not getting the response he desired. Alucard let out an unnecessary sigh and suck deeper into the soft leather seats, watching as the small planes in the distance grew larger. His optimism had given him the hope that she would be there to see him off, wish him good luck as she always did when he left for missions.

Suddenly the phone in his pocket let out a violent buzz and he scrambled to retrieve the device, flicking it open only to be disappointed to find a message from Walter, co-ordinates for the plane. Scowling he looked past the message to the home screen, a default wallpaper by the phone company, the memory of his previous phone being shot to pieces in his coat pocket when he was.

After several more minutes of brooding the car pulled up alongside the plane, parked on Hellsing's private airstrip. From the mirror he saw the driver give a simple curt nod and the vampire climbed out of the car ungracefully, slamming shut the door and the terrified solider driving away in a hurry.

Striding over to the plane he recalled his strict instructions and easily climbed inside the low small jet, before pulling the cover down and flicking on numerous switches, the engine roaring to life.

After several minutes the radio crackled into life and several voices could already be heard arguing, not in the mood to make a snarky comment he remained silent as the navigation system went online. The pilot begun calmly instructing the vampire, which he could barely hear over the background noise. Quickly punching in the co-ordinates the plane quickly set off down the runway, the vampire feeling more nervous than usual.

XxX

The service was short, simple, but overly religious for Victoria's liking, however it was arranged by the woman's catholic parents, so it was somewhat expected. Immediately after the service ended, the small crowd dissipated quickly, making Victoria wonder if they knew the woman at all. Looking around only a handful of people remained, Alex's parents lowing the urn into the hole and covering it with dirt, her boyfriend still weeping, and herself, staring at the headstone with a blank expression.

"Children are never supposed to die before their parents" the artist commented dryly, "If there was a god, it wouldn't allow her to die, she has done nothing wrong".

Seras carefully listened to ever word, noticing her tone become more stern and vicious. "It was a freak accident, it was no ones fault but Jake's" she replied softly. "I'm worried about you" Seras confessed suddenly, "ever since-"

"No, ever since the...incident, people have been acting weirdly around me" Victoria rambled, "Walter and Integra avoiding me completely, avoiding eye contact. Alucard, angry and violet at what Katja did, not even bothering to understand why she did it!"

"What do you mean?" Seras muttured numbly, "don't tell me you're siding with her!"

Victoria scowled and glared at the blonde, "I've been where Katja has, it's lonely and cold and shit. You envy the person who gets to walk among your friends, so yes, I can understand why she did the things she did" She snapped. "But you Seras. You treating me like a child, who can't care for themselves, but...at the same time you're scared of me".

The fledging took a step back from the women almost tripping over her numb trembling legs, "no, no! Victoria I'm looking after you because you're my freind!" She cried, "it's Katja I'm scared of!"

Victorias lips formed a snarl and she ripped the glasses from her face to reveal her dark eyes equal parts red and brown. "No, you're scared of us" she spat, Katja's accent slowly leaking into her tone. "I don't need looking after, it's you who needs it" she growled glaring at the blonde who's face was locked in a horrified expression.

Seras couldn't talk for fear of her voice cracking instead she collapsed on the bench nearby and buried her head in her hands. "Victoria I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I couldn't help, master made me promise to look after you, he told me never to leave your side.

"Both of you...god...I can't" Victoria mumbled, "go home Seras, I'm staying here for awhile".

Seras not wishing to argue with the woman, did as she was told and rushed away to the car nearby.

XxX

Victoria felt a painful pang in her chest, something she hadn't felt of awhile, and as she watched Seras disappear into the distance she scowled. 'Why would I say that' she thought recalling her conversation which seemed to be hazy and lacking detail. 'Katja, she did it' she cursed internally.

'Actually no, it was mostly you, however I must admit my anger slipped out somewhat' Katja replied smoothly.

However before Victoria could argue back she felt a figure brush past her,

"Boy, you really messed up this time" he muttered in amusement.

Victoria quickly turned around to be faced by a bemused schrodinger, while a larger stoic figure hidden in trench coat looked down the the woman intimidatingly. "Y-you're from millennium... Wait you got shot to bits" she shrieked jumping back from the boy, "what are you doing here?!" She asked shakily wondering if she should call for Seras.

At seeing the woman glance around frantically he let out a short sigh, "I just vant to talk, I don't mean you any harm" he reassured. "Give me... five minutes".

The artist nodded slowly, agreeing to his request, figuring that there was no way she could take on the both of them alone. "Okay" she agreed shakily, "five minutes".

"Vonderful" he chirped, "well, our organisation vould like to offer condolences for your friends death-"

"Condolences?! You sent the bastards who killed her!" She barked shrilly, "it's your fault she's dead!"

Schrodinger feigned a sorrowed expression, "us? No ve did no such thing, it seems they have told you a lie".

"Bullshit" she snorted, "they said so themselves",

"Ja und you trust them?" He asked slyly, "really, we vouldn't vant to waste the resources on...that kind".

"What kind? They are the vampires your organisation makes" she replied dryly staring into the boys eyes sternly.

"Oh no, I think it vas the result of one of our...assets getting loose, obviously infecting the person who killed your friend" he explained.

Victoria remained silent, taking in the new information which made her more confused than ever. "I knew them both, they targeted us" she muttered, "almost like they were sent".

"Nonsense, ve believe that there is a place for you in our organisation" Schrodinger chirped, "therefore ve aim to protect assets, ve vould hate to harm you".

Victoria body tensed and she back away from the pair, "you want me to join millennium?" She asked in shock. "You are the bad guys though! You want to destroy Britain!"

"Oh has the Hellsing lady been telling lies again" he tisked, "besides, don't you feel under appreciated there? Isn't everyvone turning against you?"

"Well yes I suppose, but it's home, they've looked after me and I have friends there" she defended.

"Oh you'll see them again, but vhy not show them that you are better than their group? And I'm sure you'll fit in with our group, ve have people eager to meet you two" Schrodinger explained. "You both vill be appreciated I'm sure".

"I don't know" Victoria sighed, "it's wrong, I'm betraying them",

"They have already betrayed you by treating you this vay" the boy replied shortly, "look, here is something Major told me might sweeten the deal, the person who attacked you and your friend ve believe is still out there, und ve can't have that. We vill be dedicating resources to finding them" he lied.

"Wait really?" Victoria asked in disbelief,

"Ja, und Major is offering you the chance to finish them off when we find them" he replied eagerly, "but! Ve would like you to think about it, if you decide to come with us I vill meet you outside the gates at exactly five past two tonight".

"And if I don't?" She asked anxiously,

"Vell, we vill see you on the battlefield" he smiled sweetly, "think about it" he commented slyly before gesturing to the man for them to leave.

"I will" she muttured, mulling over the tempting offer in her mind.

XxX

Pacing nervously around her room she looked at the untouched blood bags beside her, even though her throat was dry and parched she didn't feel particularly hungry. The house felt uncomfortably silent and empty since Integra and Walter had left, only a handful of Geese and the two vampires behind. However, these would make it easier for her to leave, if she wanted to.

But since her long walk home in the rain she had thoroughly thought it over, weighing the pro's and con's of deserting Integra, Walter, Seras and Alucard. However her greed for vengeance had already swayed her opinion one way, enough for her to be holding three thick envelopes in her hand.

The first for Integra, formal, to the point, but most of all apologetic, a majority of the two messy handwritten pages filled with thank you's and apologies, because despite her slight resentment for her now, the artist was plagued with guilt and debt. A note wishing her luck on the battlefield was also included. This was to be placed on her desk, not that she would return for awhile but Walter's back and forth trips would ensure she got it.

The second letter, three pages of heartfelt apologies and reassurement that her actions weren't the fault of the fledglings. This was the hardest to write, not because of the emotional strain, but because Victoria struggled to find enough words to apologize. This was to be placed on top of her coffin, she would return there eventually.

And finally, consisting of two page's of handwriting, was a combination of Victoria and Katja's words. Victoria suspected that Alucard may not read this while she was alive, which made it all the more easier to write down their true feelings. Heartfelt, sorrowful, filled with regrets, but most of all understanding. Before sealing the envelope she placed the dreamcatcher charm inside and wrote a phrase most suiting on the flap, 'may we meet again another time'. This would be placed beside Seras's, she would know to hand it on where possible.

Looking at the clock on the wall the minute hand ticked just past two, swallowing a hard lump in her throat she threw her bag over her shoulder and flicked off the light for the last time.