That One Time I Fell In Love
(And Other Impossible Things). Fred Weasley II finally meets his match in the form of one loud-mouthed and free-spirited, Emma Terry. [NextGen GIR World!]
Chapter 25: That one time I cuddled.
Internal screaming.
I did a lot of it, considering that the next couple of weeks were gonna be some of the most thrilling, daring and terrifying weeks of my given life! Rather unfortunately, I did not suddenly become some smooth motherfucker with roses between my teeth overnight. In fact, rather than eventually squashing the part of me that kept screaming, it turns out that I was just throwing him aside every now and then and I was so scared of that moment I knew was coming, where I wouldn't be able to shut him out any more.
Because I didn't have a plan. I didn't know what we were establishing. I mean hell, we literally talked about anything except what we were doing! It was a friendship, it was sex and it was probably something close to what I was refusing to call a relationship, because WHOA, DUDE, ONE EMOTIONAL HURDLE AT A TIME, OK? Jesus, what more do you want from me? I spent the first several terrifying days being on edge, petrified that Emma would want to talk about it. It was an entire weekend where we didn't leave my flat, but we still somehow managed to walk tiptoes around each other. I wanted to ask about a lot of things, one of which being if she was going to stay the night again at one point, but I honestly couldn't get the right words out. In the end, I'd just kissed her for the lack of knowing what else to do. Eventually, in between the periods of mind-blowing sex, it turns out that my strategy was to speak about a hundred miles a minute about absolutely nothing. I think my reasoning was that perhaps if I kept talking, then she wouldn't be able to get a word in and then BOOM, problem solved!
But finally, on Sunday night, my nerves caught a break. We were in the kitchen, making the last tea/coffee round of the day as I rambled, her watching me in bemusement from over the top of her mug. I leaned a hip against the bench, regaling her with yet another unimportant story from work.
"… and that was about when Jenny crashed in!" I said enthusiastically, waving my hands a little. "I didn't know who in the hell she was at first, because she was raving like a lunatic and I was only supposed to be there to arrest her husband but then there was the thing with the giant fish so–"
Clatter. The mug was placed roughly onto the bench as she reached up and suddenly pressed her lips to mine.
"Mmmfpt – wait, I didn't explain about what happened to the–"
"Fred," she whispered. The hand she had reached out with was in my hair, the arm curled around my neck. She kept her forehead close as she massaged my scalp with her fingertips. I gulped slightly. "Look, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I don't giva fuck."
Shit. Shit, shit, shit. This was it, she was finally going to say something. She had finally gotten sick of me rambling the last couple of days and was going to say what she wanted to say. Ask what she wanted to ask.
What are we? Do you love me? I love you. Is this a relationship? Do you feel the same way about me?
Oh, would you look at that, I can barely breathe.
I was bracing myself for the words, not knowing what on earth I was going to reply with, when she took me by surprise. She pulled my head back down to hers and kissed me again, thrusting her tongue into my mouth. Jesus. She was unrelenting, a kiss that obviously meant she wanted it to lead somewhere. She added her other arm around me, pulling herself close. Emma always sizzled at the touch and literally everything went south thanks to that kiss, making me forget entirely what I'd just been thinking.
She pulled away slightly to whisper, "As you might've guessed, I really don't wanna talk anymore …"
Thank god. I picked her up, her legs locking around my waist and I turned, shoving her up against the kitchen bench. She whimpered into my mouth at the motion, biting down on my bottom lip gently before getting a little rougher. I didn't intend on things escalating right there – my poor kitchen was probably tired of us abusing it by this point, and the kitchen table never had quite looked the same since the night of James' birthday party – but Emma burned when she was wrapped around me like this. Things quite severely escalated against my better judgement, until the tea was forgotten and our bodies connected in all the right ways.
"Emmaaaa – fuck – Emma, I don't think I thought this through–" I moaned against the skin of her neck at one point. "This – this can hardly be sanitary–"
"Christ, Fred," Emma reached up and tugged on my chin, bringing her lips to mine. "I told ya to stop fucking talking!"
Ok. I finally stopped talking.
That was the moment where it became clear that perhaps, I shouldn't worry so much. Perhaps, Emma was just as determined to avoid talking about this as I was! Maybe it should have concerned me that she didn't want to mention it, because I'd been so certain that she would in that moment. Like, seriously, why didn't she want to address the fact that we were sleeping together again? But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Sure, I'd never done something like this before, but also remember that the last time Emma had, it had ended with her sanity and self-worth barely intact. She was a hot mess about as much as I was, and that thought was at least a little comforting.
Thankfully, sex was never awkward between us. It hadn't been for a long time and it was the one thing I could count on. I barely understood everything that I was feeling, and I didn't know what was happening between us or what would happen in the future … but I could always count on her being able to fuck me into oblivion. There was no adjustment period this time. There was no self-consciousness or fumbling or hesitation. We already knew. Sure, it's never perfect 100% of the time, but we didn't have to spend days agonising over that one time one of us accidentally farted anymore. It was good between us. Really good.
And I was happy.
I'm not kidding! Those days eventually turned into weeks and honestly, I was so fucking happy that I didn't even know what to do with myself. Emma made me feel a lot of things, petrified being only one of those, but she also made me the happiest I think I've ever bloody felt in my life, and that said something. That's when I knew that whatever the fuck this was, no matter what happened from here, this was something life changing.
I try not to think about it too much.
"Would you stop looking at me like that? I fear you're about to break something," Emma said to me at one point during May, when we had both met up for drinks at the Flash Dragon for Yael's birthday.
"I can't help it!" I muttered back. "I swear, they all bloody know!"
"Know what? They know nothing," Emma snorted. "Seriously, chill the hell out, these are just people you work with."
"Emma, these are mates of mine!" I cried. "Don't you remember Sapphire? Oh, sweet baby Jesus, she's gonna take one look at me and–"
"FRED. Relax!" Emma insisted, clamping her hands on my shoulders and shaking me slightly.
"Yep," I gulped. "I'll, uh, just do that."
She rolled her eyes, turning away from me, probably in disgust. I don't know. I don't seem to know much of anything, these days. I hadn't even expected Yael to do anything for his birthday, much less invite me to it, but Kayla had caught me in the office earlier and said that they were all just meeting up for drinks later today and that I should come if I wanted.
"How are you guys?" I'd asked her quickly in the corridor.
"Yeah, I'll let you know after a pint or two," Kayla had answered.
So clearly, Reddale was still in the wind! He was certainly playing his cards right, I'll give him that. But tonight wasn't about commiserating over that son of a bitch! No, it was about Yael turning whatever the hell age and me wondering why in god's name I'd thought it was a good idea to bring Emma with me. I guess I had realised that if I didn't bring her, I'd no doubt be owling her later anyway when the hour was early and my mind was less than sober, and I think she would prefer this over the alternative. Still. She was wearing jeans that she'd accidentally left at my flat three days ago and contently sipping from a drink that I'd bought for her. She was the fucking hottest thing in this place and it made me want to die sometimes, but I'm good, I'm goooood.
"Where is Sapphire?" Emma asked me then, nudging me with her elbow to bring me back to her. "I've met her one or twice before, right?"
"Once. Worst experience of my life," I grumbled.
"Yeah, right," Emma smirked. "Wait, that was when you drunk owled and I actually came over, only to have you pass out on me, right?"
"Did you not hear me say that it was the worst experience of my life?"
"Blimey, I think that was like, nearly two years ago," Emma mentioned. "Have we really been fucking up for that long, Fred?"
"Apparently."
She grinned up at me. "Seriously! Where is she?"
I sighed. "Come on, Princess. I have no doubt that she's busy drinking her way through the entire bar."
My predictions were naturally correct. The two of them ended up greeting each other with hugs, Sapphire shrieking happily that it was great to see Emma and immediately getting roped into a conversation. I shook my head in amazement as I left them to it. I guess I kind of needed the breather, since it was starting to get a little surreal to have her here. I guess I hadn't thought about it, but I realised that she'd been slowly but surely infiltrating my entire life from the moment I'd met her, until this point now when suddenly, she was everywhere!
And it was scary to think that I was sort of ok with that.
I watched her and Sapphire talk from the bar for a moment. I was so ridiculously in love with her, of that I was at least still very certain. If I didn't know a fucking thing, I did at least know that. It wasn't going away, like I might've thought it would this time last year. It was growing, spreading like a disease and hell, I was goddamn welcoming it! Every time she came round when I didn't even need to ask, every time she rolled me underneath her and did wicked things with her mouth, every time she was still there in the morning, I fell a little bit more. I'd accepted that fate by this point, but the difficult thing had been accepting that just maybe, Emma had made that same decision.
"Blimey, you must be thinking hard!" Yael's voice cut in over my thoughts, cheerfully.
"Yeah, yeah. Happy birthday, bastard!" I threw back at him. Yael just laughed before throwing his arms around me.
"Another year that I'm still alive! Real achievement that, considering," Yael said as I clapped him on the back before pulling away. He leaned against the bar next to me and noticed where my eyes were straying.
"Holy shit, you actually brought her!" he said in utter surprise.
"Yeah, I figured it was better to have her meet you guys under my own terms, rather than get to the point where she was committing crimes just to get arrested by you."
"Are you serious?"
"Eh, I wouldn't put it past her."
"I honestly cannot believe that you actually brought her here," Yael said, shaking his head in delight. "She looks cool! Does she already know Sapphire?"
"They've met before," I said.
"Oh, man. Where's Kayla? She's gotta come meet her, too!" Yael glanced around vaguely, but he appeared to have lost his partner somewhere deep in the depths of the pub. He hung his bearded head dejectedly and I laughed.
"She'll be around! Emma's not going anywhere."
"Sometimes I wonder," Yael muttered.
"TRUST ME, Emma would have forced her way into this party if I hadn't have–"
"Thanks for the assurance, but I was actually referencing Kayla," Yael sighed. "She hasn't said anything to you recently, has she?"
"About what?" I asked in surprise. "I've asked her how she's been lately and I assume it's been hell like usual, but–"
"Hey, mate, forget about it. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get into it," Yael certainly looked like he was turning a year older today … though maybe ten years was more accurate. His eyes were lined with concern, his beard starting to get on the wild and unruly side. I eyed him in confusion before asking,
"Get into what?"
"Look, you ask her how she's going, she'll say she's fine," Yael eventually said. "but the truth is she's tired. We both are, but I'm not … she's talking about leaving."
I carefully tried to come up with something to say.
"… I mean, damn," I winced. "That's huge, right?"
"HOW, HOW COULD SHE?" Yael suddenly burst out. Ok, apparently he was more hurt by this than he was letting on and was simply waiting for a safe space to get it out! Knowing that I'd done my fair share of screaming, I let him have it. "How could she even CONSIDER leaving when there's still so much left for us?! I'm not stopping until that bastard is either dead or in Azkaban, but it's like she's giving up! Tried to tell me that we weren't even living at this point, that we were just existing and waiting for something that might never happen. She doesn't want to do that anymore, APPARENTLY!"
"Uh, mate?" I began warily.
"I know – I KNOW – I'm sorry," Yael whined again, rubbing his eyes. "I don't know why this is suddenly getting to me now, she's been talking about it for a while. Maybe it's because it's my birthday. Another year without catching him, or whatever."
"Maybe a stupid question, but have you actually tried talking to her about this?" I asked.
"What the hell do you think?"
"MATE," I said.
"OHHHHH NO, don't you 'mate' me!" Yael accused, waving a finger in my face. "Mr Commitment Issues, who refuses to even acknowledge the fact that he's totally dating someone! You couldn't have a serious conversation about emotions even if you were held up at wand-point, so don't you get on at me about talking to her about it!"
"I can TOTALLY have a serious conversation!" I said, coughing.
"Oh, yeah?" Yael smirked. "Call her your girlfriend! Right now, I DARE YOU."
My mouth gaped for a moment, but eventually I managed to counter back, "Shut the fuck up!"
"My point stands," Yael grinned.
"FINE, I have no place in telling ya to talk to her," I grumbled. "but you know that absolutely nothing else is going to do anything, right? You love Kayla! This isn't just about her leaving the Aurors, it's about potentially losing her, isn't it?"
Yael groaned, leaning an elbow on the bar and burying his face in his hand. "I don't know what to do."
"Well, I'm apparently the Love King now!" I said cheerfully, punching him on the shoulder. "Tell me all."
"I don't know what to say! She's leaving, and I can't do anything about it."
"Bullshit," I scoffed. "You've always said that you don't have time for each other, and honestly, I get ya! But like, you need to straight up find out if she's leaving because of you, or if it's because she's sick of the job, and you're not gonna find out sitting on your arse at the bar."
"You mean the whole 'talking to her' thing again?"
"YES, the talking to her thing again!" I said exasperatedly. "I mean, honestly! I don't care if I'm being hypocritical, TALK TO HER, tell her to stay, tell her you love her, I don't fucking know, just tell her SOMETHING–"
"Like it's so easy," Yael complained.
"At least I told a girl that I loved her."
"WHEN YOU WERE DRUNK."
"HEY, NOT THE POINT!" I yelled. "Like, can't I get just a little credit, here?"
"And what good did it do you?" Yael pointed out.
"Sure, she turned around and said that she was seeing someone else," I rolled my eyes. "Yes, as a result, I will probably never say it again for the rest of my goddamn life, but the point is that telling her actually did something! If I hadn't have told her, we probably wouldn't even be speaking right now, so whatever crazy shit might've happened as well, it doesn't matter. It's worth talking to her, Yael."
"Who are you and what have you done with Fred Weasley?"
"I kidnapped him. You'll never find the cellar in which I have him locked away," I deadpanned.
Yael snorted with laughter, but turned his agitated and forlorn face towards me, the tattoos stretching on his neck. This was a man who was at the end of the line and didn't know what to do (I get the feeling, mate, truly). "What if …" he whispered, then covered up the rest of what he was going to say with a gulp of his drink.
"What?"
He sighed. "What if she is leaving because of me?"
"Well, think," I rolled my eyes. "You done anything to piss her off lately?"
"We've been good!" Yael insisted. "Well, as good as we can be. Ever since Reddale escaped, that was the first time she brought up the idea of leaving and I brushed it off. It came up again once or twice, but I never thought she was actually serious."
"Did it occur to you that maybe she's hoping you'll ask her to stay?"
"C'mon," Yael scoffed. "Why wouldn't she just ask what I think?"
"The same reason you're refusing to talk to her now!" I cried. "Because you're two emotionally stunted screw-balls trying to hunt a serial killer! She's tired, she's gotta be, but she's probably waiting because she won't quit unless you say it's ok!"
"But I HAVE been saying it's ok!"
"Fucking Jesus …" I muttered, slamming my head against the bar.
"Oi!" Yael exclaimed as I grumbled, throwing his arms into the air. "What am I supposed to say in response?! Of course I'll support her in whatever decision she makes, what kind of idiot would I have to be to say no, your opinion is invalid? She says she wants to leave, so of course I'm gonna say I'll support her in whatever decision she makes!"
"Oh, that's a bullshit answer if I ever heard one," I said.
"What?"
"It's a cop out! You're not saying stay, you're not saying go, you're trying to leave the ball in her court when she's clearly already thrown it into yours," I said, almost laughing by this point. "Yael, mate. You and Kayla are all each other has. Don't fuck this up!"
Yael stared at me a while. I didn't know where the bout of wisdom was coming from, but it made sense in my head, and hey. Like I said earlier, I'm the Love King! His brain was clearly working intensely behind those eyes and beard and he stared until eventually, his gaze strayed to somewhere over my shoulder. I turned to follow it and noticed Kayla. She spoke to Sapphire and Emma, the three girls apparently giggling and laughing together. Kayla's auburn hair stood out amongst them and it was clear that Yael's mind was made up when I turned back to him.
"What do I do?" he asked fiercely.
"You tell that girl that she doesn't quit without you."
He didn't even finish his drink. He slammed it down without another word and stormed around me. I hastily ran after him, trying to get the girl's attention wildly behind his head. "KAYLA!" I tried yelling without actually yelling. Yael approached steadily and determinedly, winding his way through his own birthday guests until he reached his partner.
"Yael!" She was startled as he ran up to her. "Hey–"
"Happy birthday!" Emma said cheerfully. "We haven't met yet, I'm Emma–"
"Hi – yes! – so sorry," Yael said distractedly as I finally rocked on up. "Thank you for coming, I promise I'll introduce myself properly soon, I just gotta do a thing first–"
Emma leaned over and hastily muttered in my ear, "Whaaaat is going on?"
"Uh … you'll see."
"Kayla," Yael spoke determinedly to his partner. "Stay."
Kayla stared at him a long moment. Quite honestly, with the lack of context, I didn't think she was going to catch on, but then again, the two of them always did seem to be able to communicate with unspoken words. Unfortunately, Sapphire was staring between them in confusion and burst out,
"She ain't a dog, Yael."
"SAPPHIRE," Yael squeezed his eyes shut. "Just for the next few minutes, could you please not?"
"I know what you meant," Kayla said, softly. He opened his eyes to look at her. "You said you'd support me no matter what decision I made."
"Yeah, well. I changed my mind," Yael said. "Please, stay."
"You're … you're asking me not to leave?" Kayla asked. I think she looked touched, or at least Emma seemed to think so, since she had rested her head on my shoulder with a slight 'aw' sound.
"Either that, or we both leave together!" Yael nodded firmly. "I don't care. Reddale, all of it … none of it fucking matters anymore. We've risked our lives enough times, we've dedicated enough bloody years to this, we've done more than our fair share. I honestly don't care what we do, so long as we stay together."
"Yael," Kayla sighed. "You know that you could never leave the Aurors, not with him still out there."
"I could. I would, if that's what you wanted."
"I'd never wish that!" Kayla said. "Yael, I couldn't make you leave any more than you could ask me to stay–"
"YES, I can!" Yael cried. Emma and Sapphire exchanged looks as I continued to watch with wide eyes. "Kayla, you talk and talk about it, but never actually do it! It's like you're waiting for something, waiting for me to do something about it, to try and talk you out of it – so this is me, asking you to stay, because I want you on this with me. I want my partner, Kayla! I want us to stay together, I don't – want to lose you–"
"Yael–"
"Look, if it turns out that I read this wrongly and you actually do really want to leave, then that's fine too! I'm leaving as well," Yael just ploughed on furiously. "because this isn't about the work anymore, and you know it."
"Don't–"
"We both know it," Yael thundered. "We haven't brought it up in a while, but it's always there: I love you, and you love me, but we never fucking DO anything about it!"
"Christ almighty," Sapphire said, eyes wide as she watched with glee.
Kayla's face had gone bright red, Emma tugging incessantly on my shirt sleeve like I didn't already hear the exact same thing she did. I wasn't sure if Yael had been intending on bringing THAT up, but Kayla certainly hadn't been prepared for it! She shuffled her feet, glancing quickly at the rest of us as her cheeks burned, and she whispered, "Yael, this isn't the time–"
"Hell, it's NEVER the right time for us!" Yael exclaimed, hands gesturing wildly. "It's either you're not ready, or I'm not ready, or there's too much shit going on or we're too busy trying to catch Reddale – I'm sick of us still trying to make excuses."
"We're not doing this here, in front of our friends–" Kayla began to thunder.
"OBJECTION," Sapphire cut in. "I have no qualms."
"Just sayin'," I added.
"FRED," Emma cried.
"What?"
Kayla turned and shot us all a look. Quickly, the girls and I had to pretend to notice something several feet away, Emma pointing vaguely at nothing and myself dragging Sapphire after us. I guess I forgot that not everyone was like the Weasley family and was willing to have uncomfortably personal conversations in front of everyone else! Nobody else thankfully seemed to have noticed the intense discussion that Yael and Kayla had seemed to have gotten into, so we piled together at the end of the bar, pretending that we weren't trying to listen.
"But I want to know what happeeeeens …" Sapphire was whining.
"Oh, quit it," I snorted. "If they can barely talk to each other, what makes ya think they can talk in front of other people?"
"What'd you even SAY to him to make all that come out?"
"He was being ridiculous. Might've given him a nudge or two."
"You?" Emma smirked.
"Don't you look at me like that!" I accused, pointing a finger at her. We were pressed in close together as the three of us were leaning as far across the length of the bar as we could feasibly get away with to still try and listen in. Sapphire hung over my shoulder, balanced on a bar stool while Emma stood in front of me, her back leaning against the bar so as not to be blatantly facing the partners further down. She glanced up at me with that smirk and I would have kissed it away if Sapphire hadn't been hovering over us.
"Lookin' at ya like what?" Emma asked.
"I know what I'm doing, I'm not completely emotionally inept!"
"Coulda fooled me," she rolled her eyes.
"You tell 'im, girl," Sapphire laughed, although she hadn't taken her eyes from Yael and Kayla. She gave a frustrated sound and added, "We're too far away! I can't tell what either of them are saying …"
The three of us tried to stay silent a moment, but even though we were only a couple of feet away, there was just too much ambient noise. The rumble of voices throughout the rest of the pub, the clinks of glasses, the not-so-soft music playing, it all added up so that while we could hear that they were indeed speaking, their voices didn't carry far enough that we could make out actual words.
"Anyone know how to read lips?" Emma asked dryly.
"Or the innate art of body language," I added.
"Only you, Fred," Sapphire snorted.
"Well, surely we can interpret some things," I said. I gestured with a hand, saying, "Look at 'em. She seems a bit embarrassed to me, and he looks like he's about to cry."
"Yael ALWAYS looks like he's about to cry," Sapphire pointed out.
"But they're smilin'," Emma added, watching from over her shoulder. "They're smilin', right?"
"I don't know, some idiot with a big head's gotten in the way–"
"Wait, climb up here–"
"I'm not standing on the bar just to spy on your mates!"
"GIRLS?" I said, vaguely. "I think Kayla just kissed him."
"WHAT?!" both Emma and Sapphire cried, but it was hard to tell because of the stupid group of birthday guests who'd taken up a spot at the bar right between us and the partners. I could have sworn I'd seen small Kayla step up and sweetly kiss Yael's bearded face, but I'd lost sight of them behind all the people! "Oh, fuck this – c'mon!" I pulled away from the girls, grabbing each of them by the hand and dragging them after me through the pub.
When we reached Yael and Kayla, they had their arms around each other. Her hands were clasped around his neck, forehead pressed to his, neither of them saying much of anything. They just stood together, his arms around her waist, and I swear Emma squealed slightly.
"Contain yourself," I muttered into her ear, winding an arm over her shoulders.
"Shut up," Emma smiled up at me.
'Course, Sapphire took a slightly different approach. She stole a small bowl of salted nuts from a nearby table and started pelting them at Yael and Kayla. "GROOOOOSS! GROSS!" she yelled.
"Saph!" I protested as Yael and Kayla both jumped in shock, protesting as Sapphire continued her assault. She just laughed.
"Don't worry, we're all secretly thrilled," I called over.
"Girl, quit it!" Yael complained, holding up his hands to shield himself.
"You're adorable and it's disgusting!" Sapphire instead starting eating her nuts as Kayla shook her head, apparently trying fishing a nut out of her bra. "Please tell me you're gonna stop being ridiculous?"
"I'm not leaving the Aurors just yet," Kayla said, shooting Sapphire a look but there was amusement in her eyes.
"We got shit to do," Yael added, gazing at her fondly.
"That's great and all, but could you like, kiss again?" Sapphire asked. "We kind of missed it because Fat Arse over there got in our way–"
"Fuck off," Yael answered. "How about you wish me happy birthday and buy me a drink instead?"
"Ehhhhh," Sapphire rolled her eyes. "Only 'cause I like you."
"And you're Emma!" Yael added, hastily moving forward with his hand outstretched. Emma offered him her hand from the arm that wasn't currently around my waist as he said, "Sorry, I was distracted earlier – it's great to meet you finally!"
"You as well!" Emma grinned.
"Like I said, she would've committed crimes if I hadn't have brought her," I said, squeezing her shoulders.
"How many times do I have to tell ya to shut up?"
"You got more than one way of doin' it, Sweetheart," I threw back at her. "Or did you forget?"
"WHO WANTS ALCOHOL?" Sapphire suddenly yelled from the bar.
Everyone turned towards her, moving forward to say what drinks we wanted. But Emma had turned her face towards me as she stood there under my arm. "I didn't forget," she whispered with a smirk, before kissing me swiftly.
… I think I just died a little.
So the days continued.
I honestly hadn't thought that establishing a routine of some kind would be so damn hard. Probably because many parts of it were already so familiar, but turns out that there was also a lot of other shit to think about. Like, I hadn't expected Emma's kiss in the middle of the fucking pub, because we don't do PDA shit! We never have, right? I mean, yeah, maybe we groped each other a little if we'd been drinking, but we'd both had perfectly sound minds in that moment, and she had just gone and kissed me with no warning! To be fair, nobody had actually seen, as everyone had been busy heading for the bar. But it was one thing to throw an arm around her and another entirely to kiss me deeply for several seconds.
But eventually, that's how things progressed between us. We wouldn't do it until suddenly, one of us got brave enough to cross the line. Now, I can ask her if she's staying the night. She never has to knock before coming over anymore. We're both ok with walking around naked. She can steal my t-shirts and not give them back. We have conversations. It's more than just sex in the dark with the lights off, this was truly something I'd never done before. We laughed. We still talked like we always had, before anything ever went pear-shaped, about work and our families, about ridiculous conspiracy theories, or coming up with crazy stories about my neighbours.
"Otis is NOT the goddamn Reddale killer," Emma argued back at me once, making toast in my kitchen one morning.
"Think about it! The demon is certainly evil enough–"
"But with that logic, Mrs Ramsey is knowingly harbouring a serial killer."
"Maybe not knowingly! Maybe he's been an animagus this whole time and that's why it's been so hard to catch him!"
"You'd think Yael and Kayla would have figured out if he was an animagus by this point."
"They've been so busy staring at each other, I'm surprised they even managed to arrest him in the first place," I waved that off.
Emma turned back over her shoulder, throwing me a smirk. "It's hard to take your theories seriously when you're still standing there in your underwear."
"You're not complaining about it."
"Did I say I was?"
I just shrugged. "Let me convince you."
"You're not convincin' me of anything this morning, I've gotta get ready for work!"
I just sauntered over as she turned to place the butter knife she'd used in the sink. Before she could face me once more, I quickly wrapped my arms around her, pressing close against her back and crushing her against my chest. "Freeeeed …" she muttered as I started kissing down her neck lightly. She still held two pieces of toast in her hands, refusing to let go. "Stop it, or I'll be late!"
"Eh … be late then," I muttered against her skin.
"Nooo, no, I'm never late, everyone would ask questions and …" But I'd found a spot under her ear that she liked and I knew that I was slowly winning. She still refused to let go of the toast but sighed slightly as I worked my mouth slowly over her. One of my hands snaked up her body and under my t-shirt that she'd been wearing as pyjamas. "Ohhhhh, fuck you …" she groaned.
"Admit it! Otis the Chihuahua is the Reddale killer …"
"I hate you."
"Oh, sorry! Would you prefer that my hand to go south instead?" I whispered, moving it softly down her body.
"I swear to god, Fred Weasley, if you go anywhere near – FUCK–" She yelped as I hit home.
HA. She never could resist. She gasped against me, probably seriously reconsidering her decision to not put underwear back on before she came out here. Finally, she let the toast fall to the bench, moving to press her hands against her eyes as she tried not to give in. Unfortunately for her, I knew how her body worked. Using one arm to keep her tight against me, I worked her over with my fingers, pressing and circling until she was gasping and panting against me.
"Admit iiiiit …" I grinned against her hair.
"I don't – I can't – even remember – what I'm admitting–" Emma gripped the bench in front of her, knuckles white.
"Perfect, exactly what I was going for."
"If you – if you think I'm returning the favour yougotanotherthingcoming," she rushed out her words on one breath.
"I think I'll live."
"Fuck, fuck – oh god, right there – don't fucking stop–"
"Then admit itttt."
"I can't – fine, I admit it!" Emma cried. "Jesus Christ, Fred – just make me come already!"
I did, quickly and triumphantly, and it was bloody beautiful. Nothing muffled the noises she was making, and the smell of her was going to hit me every time I walked into my kitchen all bloody day, but I didn't care. For a moment, she slumped against me, apparently completely spent. However, soon she turned around in my arms and kissed me hard.
"Did you seriously just use sex to make me admit that a fucking dog is a serial killer?" she asked.
"No, I think I used a bloody good hand job to make you admit that a dog is a serial killer," I smirked back.
"I mean it, I hate ya."
"That's what I'm here for."
"I also meant it when I said I'm not helpin' ya out," Emma pulled out of my arms, patting my cheek a little too hard to be considered affectionate. "Have fun takin' care of yourself on your own!"
"Yeah, well," I pretended that I was totally cool, watching her as she moved to pick up her probably cold toast by this point. She took a bite with an over-satisfied grin before waltzing out of my kitchen, leaving me alone. "At least I'm good that!"
"Soooo am I, Fred!" Emma called back, her voice warbling down the hall.
"Show me sometime?" I yelled, a little taken aback.
"Maybe, if you admit that Otis the Chihuahua isn't the Reddale killer!"
I smirked and picked up my mug of coffee that Emma had made for me earlier. It was a little cold, but I didn't really care.
So things were good.
No really, I was honestly happy! And a million other things, because not gonna lie, sometimes I would wake up with my stomach in knots, but most days I could carry on, excited to see her again. Admittedly no, we don't talk about us. We can talk about the actual serial killer out there somewhere, or our jobs, or the first Auror interview I was about to have soon. But we didn't talk about us. We argued over the potential of the dog across the hall being a serial killer, but we didn't talk about how we felt, we didn't talk about what we were doing, we didn't talk about anything to do with what was happening between us. I mean, in a way, we didn't have to! We'd never been great at talking about our relationship, no matter what form it took at that current time, so why in the hell should this be any different? Like I said, things just happened with us. We cross bridges when we come to them. If I had to actually stop and think about something, I think I might combust (or flip a lid and run, but you know).
One thing we definitely didn't talk about was cuddling.
Let's face it, Emma's a cuddler. She always has been. She fucking loves it, I have absolutely no doubts about that, but personally it terrified me. When we'd first been sleeping together we had never done it, for obvious reasons, but this time was different. I could tell that she was holding back, always moving away from me, and I was grateful since every time we got close like that, my head screamed. Overwhelming didn't cover it. There was just a fine line somewhere that I hadn't been willing to cross yet, because there was just something too intimate about it.
The morning of my first interview, we woke up like that, though. Sometimes that happens. Usually I wake up choking on her hair, or with her foot digging into me, but occasionally I open my eyes to have her head on my shoulder, or our legs tangled. This morning, I woke up first like usual, only to find her resting her cheek on my chest, obviously having gotten cold against some point in the night, as once again, she was wearing a t-shirt that had once been mine (like seriously, I don't think I'm ever getting it back).
We all know that Emma is tiny. Like, mate, she's barely over five feet. But for some reason, I glanced down at her and felt like she weighed a million pounds, which I was never going to mention, lest she kill me. It wasn't so much that she was physically heavy, but the emotional weight of her just damn near killed me. Every time we got this close it felt so comfortable it was insane, yet I still felt the paralysing need to pull away all the time. I prayed that she didn't wake soon, because I knew what would happen if she did. She would moan about the time, wish she didn't have to get up, but ultimately notice her position and roll away from me. While it would allow me to breathe without me worrying that I was going to explode, it also killed me a little every time.
How do I like … like this, without bloody panicking?
"Stop it …" her voice suddenly rumbled.
"I didn't know you were awake," I muttered.
"I'm noooot," she mumbled. "but you're so tense I can practically feel you thinkin', so stop it."
"I'm not tense!"
"Fred, just go back to sleep, it's the middle of the night."
"Actually, it's about six thirty–"
"Ugh, I don't care," Emma moaned. She moved slightly and I figured welp, this was it, this was when she pulled away. But to my surprise, she just slumped further down my body until her face was buried against my arm, her body pressed in close to mine. "To me, that's the middle of the night."
She was quiet for several moments in which I freaked out so severely that I figured I just hadn't noticed that she'd fallen back asleep. However, I was mistaken when she quietly asked, "So what're you worried 'bout?"
"What … what makes you think I'm worried?" I muttered.
"Told ya," she murmured sleepily. "Too tense. You could slice watermelons on that jaw line. I can't sleep if your brain's goin' a hundred miles an hour. Is it the interview today?"
"Uhhh … yes?" I tried.
Emma sighed, pulling back. It abated the pain in my chest a little, but I still felt kind of pissed off at that fact. Why couldn't this be easier? Why was I only fine once she had moved away from me? I knew that it was only so that she could open her eyes and look at me, but it still felt like there was something wrong with me. Why couldn't I just enjoy this like a normal person?
"Don't be worried, Fred," she said. "You'll be brilliant, seriously."
"Ok," I snorted.
"Honestly," she tapped my arm gently. "Don't let it get to your head. It's only the first step, after all."
I smiled vaguely. "I never dreamed I'd ever become an Auror."
"Not even as a kid?"
"Oh, you go through the phases," I shrugged, moving onto my side to talk to her easier. "Quidditch player. Minister for Magic. Doesn't everyone go through a time of running around the house with your parents' wand, pretending that you're taking down bad guys?"
"Guess I missed that phase," Emma smiled.
"I wanted to be one when I was like, eight or something," I said. "And when I got into bail enforcement, I worked closely alongside them a lot, so I considered making the jump sometimes, but it was never serious. It was always because the glamour was so tempting, but that's only about 10% of the job."
"But you want this," Emma assured me. "You do."
"Do I really? I've talked and talked about it, but it was only a fleeting idea for ages."
"Within five minutes of you bringing home the application, you already had it half filled out," Emma said.
"Fine, whatever," I rolled my eyes. "but it's three years of training. And sometimes I wonder whether the only reason I want this is because Reddale's still out there."
"What, and if he finally got caught, you'd suddenly regret applying?" Emma shot me a look. "Shuddup, Fred. You're gonna go to the interview and you're gonna get accepted. You'll be a brilliant Auror and I'm gonna worry every bloody day over ya, but you'll be chasin' bad guys, so it'll be worth it."
"You're gonna worry?"
"Don't even try and tease me, 'course I will," Emma shoved me lightly. "Will you go back to sleep now?"
"Only if you tell me what you wanted to be when you were little."
"Fine. I wanted to be a fairy," Emma yawned.
"I can see why that dream panned out."
Emma kicked me. "I didn't know what I wanted to do when I was at school at first. Then, someone came to talk to us during career day from the Cursebreaker Division and I loved the sound of it. The rest is history."
"That's when you met Libby, right?"
"We were assigned to the lab together with a few others," Emma's eyes had slid closed as she remembered, smiling slightly at the memory. "I climbed into a sarcophagus and scared the livin' shit outta her when she opened it."
"Wait, that's how you met?"
"I thought she was gonna hate me, but turns out she thought it was hilarious," Emma snorted. "She climbed in too so we could scare Sarah."
"So I guess … if you hadn't have become a Cursebreaker, you never would have met her," I mentioned. "and then eventually, we never would have met either."
"So we have my job to thank for this?"
"Just sayin', think about what my job could cause in the future."
"If this is you still trying to come up with excuses to get out of it, it's not working," Emma accused. She suddenly burrowed in close, an arm curling around and up my back, her nose pressed against my bare chest. Fuck. I froze immediately, one arm trapped between us and the other too afraid to move. "Fred, you want this," she murmured. "You'll be ok."
Her voice was low, comforting. She wasn't talking about the job anymore and she was right: I did want this. I wanted it so badly it hurt, but I just didn't know how to relax with her around me like that. It's like … it's basically a hug, right? Yeah, just a horizontal hug! In bed. With not a lot of clothes on. Just fucking hug her, you eejit! Like she said, you'll be ok.
Slowly, I wound my free arm around her. My heart was thumping up somewhere around my ears as I tentatively moved until my hand rested right between her shoulder blades. She didn't move, but instead let me maneuverer myself around her until we shared the same pillow, the same space, same breath. I was so tense I was sure that a bomb could have been dropped on me and I still wouldn't budge, but hey, I was here!
It took a long time to calm. I didn't think I was going to at all for several minutes there, but I did, slowly but surely. However, by the time I had actually finally managed to relax my muscles enough that I could have potentially fallen back asleep, my alarm clock was going off. I sighed and normally Emma complained for a million years when she had to get up, but for some reason, I felt her grinning against my chest.
"See?" she whispered. "Told ya you'd be ok."
"So today's the day, huh?"
I turned as I walked, noticing Kayla call out from the entrance to the Homicide Division that I had just passed. I grinned and slowed down so that she could catch up. She had looked so tired the last I'd seen her, but today she was positively glowing, which I'm sure had totally nothing to do with Yael's birthday a few days ago. "Yeah, interview's in – oh, shit, ten minutes!" I swore at my watch. "Sorry, girl, I can't chat much, they wanted me there at least twenty minutes before in case they were running early."
"I'll walk you there!" Kayla hurried forward. I offered my elbow as a joke, but she took it anyway as she led me through the Auror Office. We had to wind through the extraordinary amount of traffic down the corridor. It was one of the main thoroughfares through the office, from the front doors at the entrance to the huge space, all the way through the various divisions towards the higher up offices at the back. Every five seconds we had to dodge somebody with a whiteboard, or escorting a suspect of some kind, or in the case of the Vice Division, apparently putting on a fashion show as they went through the stock outfits they apparently kept in the Uncover Operations Cupboard. I hastily ducked down behind Kayla so that no one from THAT division noticed me! Memos swooped overhead, and the chaos actually helped keep me in check and not freaking out like I might have done if I had my mind to myself.
But then again, I wasn't really as anxious as I might've been. Perhaps Emma had knocked some sense into me after all.
"You'll kill it today, don't worry, Fred!" Kayla told me.
"Your confidence hits me so," I said back, nudging her shoulder. "Thanks, Kayla."
"This the first or second interview?"
"First. If I get through this, then it's a medical and physical exam. I need to be able to run something like two miles – TWO MILES! Who the hell runs in the first place?!"
"I figured all you had to do is get weird with Emma," Kayla grinned. "Then you run like hell, right?"
"Oi!" I complained. "I did a favour for you, girl, don't you go making fun of me!"
"True, true, I do owe you one," Kayla said. "I know you said something to Yael at his birthday. It pushed him into talking to me, so whatever you did, thank you."
"I honestly didn't do THAT much," I told her. "He just needed a nudge, is all. OH, which reminds me, we didn't get to hear exactly what you guys said!" I shoved her with my elbow. "C'moooon, are you guys like, going out now or what?"
"Fred, you know it's more complicated than that," Kayla rolled her eyes.
"Yeeeeah, but you are basically, at the end of the day, right?"
She glanced around quickly and I shook her elbow as it was looped around mine. "Kaaaaayla!" I said and she laughed.
"You can't say anything around here!" she hissed between giggles. "Ok? I'm serious, if Huntley found out, we'd be separated for sure–"
"Hate to break it to you, sister, but I'm pretty sure Huntley already suspects something," I snorted.
"He knows nothing."
"Honey, the whole bloody office knows something!" I laughed. "I wouldn't worry too much. If he thought you guys working together would be a conflict of interest, he would've separated ya a long time ago. Besides, you guys still got Reddale to catch."
Kayla was exasperated, and her cute face was a little red around the edges, but she smiled. "Hell yeah, we do. Just think though, couple of months and you might be one of the new trainees!"
"Yeah, exactly how many trainees do you guys usually get who are already over 18?"
"You'd be surprised how many, you won't be the only Old Man," Kayla said as we slowed down to a halt in the corridor. We had wound our way right to the back to the offices, to a small waiting room where there were about ten other people milling about. Some were pacing, some were waiting on the stuffy sofas, but all of us were here for the same thing: waiting to be interviewed. Kayla unwound her arm and squeezed my shoulder before heading back towards her own division.
"Good luck!" she called after me. "You'll be brilliant!"
I hadn't said much back, just waved in thanks. It was a strange feeling to be left standing there with several other people who all wanted the same thing that I did. I knew that not everyone interviewed got accepted into the next stage. But if all I had to do was impress the man interviewing me, Head of Auror Training, Oscar Tillman, then uh … turns out that I had a pretty good chance.
He turned out to be not quite what I expected.
"Welcome!" Head Auror Tillman cried enthusiastically, practically leaping out of his chair to shake my entire arm as I was eventually called into his office. "Come take a seat Mr Weasley, it is always exciting to meet new potential recruits!"
"Uhhh …"
"Oh, there's no need to be shy. It's all open in here! Feel free to ask me ANYTHING during this interview – go on, I DARE YOU!" Tillman threw his arms out in excitement.
Merlin, what was this guy on?
"Uhhh … thank you?"
"You're welcome, you're welcome," Tillman nodded, although I wasn't entirely sure what I had even thanked him for. I sat down in the chair opposite his on the other side of his desk a little taken aback … ok, maybe I had whiplash. I'd stupidly assumed that my interviewer would be yet another Huntley clone, stuffy and uptight and someone determined to hate me on principle. But all throughout the bizarre interview, Auror Tillman appeared less like Huntley, and more and more like a punch drunk panda bear.
"There's no need to feel anxious about today! This is just an initial interview to get to know you and your personality!" Tillman exclaimed. Seriously, he could have even said 'your rent is due tomorrow' in that tone and still make it sound like the best thing that had ever happened to him. "I want to get to know the REAL you, Mr Weasley. Mind if I call you Fred? My friend's call me Oscar. Or Auror Octopus! You don't want to know how I got that nickname," he chortled.
"Oh, I bet," I said hastily.
"But the REAL you, Fred," Tillman added. "No interview persona, I know what it's like when you're trying to impress, you advertise what's great about you and hide the bad, but I want to know EVERYTHING! Can you agree to do that?"
"You don't want to know about the time I kicked my neighbour's dog, right?" I asked hesitantly.
Tillman roared with laughter. Blimey.
"I like you! Ok, let's get into it …"
His questions got more and more bizarre as the interview went on. They started off as simple, "Would you rather be stabbed to death or buried alive?" or "What would you do if you found a hundred Galleons in an alleyway?" but soon progressed to, "You have five seconds to do the best impression of your favourite animal … GO!" I barely had time to think before I found myself barking like Otis, and I don't even LIKE dogs. Hell, I was barely even an animal person, for crying out loud!
"Ok, ok," Tillman said, not even giving me time to recover from the disaster of an animal question. "For this one, I want you to think of someone close to you. Might be a partner, might be a sibling or a friend, just the first person who comes to mind when I say someone close to you …"
My head suddenly swam with several people, which still surprised me every now and then. I forget that I actually have a few people that I actually give a damn about. There was James, of course. He would always be my best friend, my bro, my partner in crime. Libby and baby Clara. Crazy Rose sprang to mind, and Yael, Kayla and Sapphire …
But I said, "Emma."
"Excellent," Tillman grinned. "Don't worry, I don't need to know who she is. Scenario is this: you've been asked to go undercover for a year and you are not allowed to tell anyone. To go undercover, you have to pretend to die in real life, so everyone you know is going to think you are dead. Emma suspects something is not right and rightly guesses the death was fake. She tracks you down and confronts you. What do you say?"
I sighed, thinking. "She'd kill me for real before I could say anything."
Tillman chuckled, "Ok, but assuming she doesn't kill you?"
"I …" Blimey. What would I say? Why did I have to pick Emma, I knew what I'd tell anyone else! It was my decision, suck it up. I'm not dead, so you better not tell. There, end of discussion. But that wouldn't fly with her, and I knew it. She would be furious for not telling her. Not after everything and we'd argue long into the night over it. I would tell her she had no right to tell me what to do with my life and she would say I had no right to fuck with hers. Though no doubt we'd soon realise that we were both wrong …
And it would probably end with me getting her a cup of tea. Goddamn it.
"Uhhh … I guess I would explain that it was my job and I hope she understands why I did it?" I practically asked.
Thankfully, Tillman seemed to accept that answer.
"Excellent! Now, tell me, imagine that you are locked in a room with nothing but a toothpick, roll of toilet paper and a live duck …"
A/N: I BRING Y'ALL A RANDOM UPDATE FROM DENMARK! I know, of all places, but I'm staying with a friend who actually has decent internet, so. Again, I'm not back regularly and I have absolutely no idea if I'll be able to update again from another random country, but you never know. (For the record, I'm having a good time travelling!).
BUT Fremma. Yo. They be relationshipping. Fred, honey, you are fucked. There's no goin' back now! Also cutesy Auror side couple, bc I'm ridiculous. I hope you all liked this, PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU LIKED IT!
Thank you so much for your reviews. I can't quite believe the response I've had to this story, compared to the response I thought I was going to get. I've gotten so many comments saying how invested you are, how much you care about these characters, and it means so much to me. I literally don't know what else I can say, except thank you!
So thank you. I love you all. I miss you all, you have no idea!
- Moon. xoxo