Chapter Twenty Five
I could have sworn I heard the sounds of Prim screaming. Could it be that the torture in the jungle is what Katniss fears the most.
Panic sets in. My heart races and all I can do is with the butt of my knife begin to hit the invisible wall.
Emotions flood my mind, what could they be doing to her. I need to get to her.
I feel her hands on my arms trying to get me to stop.
"Peeta, stop," says Johanna. "It's no use."
I collapse to my knees exhausted. A single tear streams down my cheek.
"Beetee, surely there has to be a way through?" I ask.
He looks at the wall and feels it with his hand.
"No, it will disappear after the half hour is done." He says.
I continue to bang at the wall not caring what he had just said.
"The odds are with her, though" says Beetee. "There are two experienced Victors in there. Their partnership is one of mutual survival. They will protect each other."
I look at him seeking out the truth in his facial expression. Has he been feeding me what I wanted to hear? People have been trying to shield me all my life. Don't they realize that being kept in the dark is much more harmful than the truth would be?
The realization of the depth of how much I care for her, hits me like a ton of bricks. The fact that I never got to tell her how much I love her, eats away at my very soul. There is a physical pain in my heart, I try to catch my breath but find that I can't. I would never get to feel warm embrace. I would never again feel her hand intertwine with mines. The things you take for granted when you think you have more time.
It feels like it is forever, time slows down in my mind and I am looking to Beetee for confirmation that the time has expired. I continue to bang on the wall but exhausted it barely makes a sound.
I lay my back on the wall wondering when this hell is going to end. Johanna crosses her arms and walks away muttering something. Beetee looks to the sky like he could tell when by the position of the stars.
Beetee looks down and his eyes widens. I turn back and see her stumbling out of the jungle. She is being pulled by Finnick. They running away from something but not looking where they are going.
"There is an invisible wall," I yell out to them, but it is no use. Both Finnick and her hit the wall at full force and fall back on their back. Finnick hit straight on and is now bleeding from his nose. Katniss is now holding her shoulder.
I put my hand out on the wall. I see her hand meets mine.
"I love you," I say, but confusion is on her face. She can't hear me. That is when I see what has been tormenting them appear. A flock of jabberjays land on the tree branch and immediately I see Finnick curl into a ball and hold his hands to his ears.
Katniss turns and fires arrows at them. One by one, they fall, but another takes it place. She finally loses her will to fight and falls under the sounds and is in the same position as Finnick.
"Fight, Katniss! You have to fight it," I yell.
I start to pound at the wall even harder. I try to get their attention and find that their main concern is the two people trapped in the wedge. Damn it when is it going to end. She is so close and yet I cannot get to her. I cannot protect her. I failed her before, and I make my promise that I won't fail her again. It is like the Gamemakers are reading my mind; because I see the jabberjays one by one begin to leave. It is almost over. Just a little bit longer.
I bang on the wall, and continue until the banging is gone and I almost fall. I begin to hear the jungle sounds again.
"Come on. Beetee, Johanna, grab Finnick" I tell them.
They go over to Finnick and both pick him up and take him to the ocean.
I rush over to Katniss and quickly scoop her up in my arms. She still has her eyes closed and her hands on her ears. I carry her to the edge of the beach right where the water hits the sand. I lie her down on the sand and prop her up on my lap as I begin to gently caress her hair and her face.
"You are safe," I begin to tell her. "It is over, you are safe."
I can feel her body still tense.
"Ssssh, it is okay," I continue.
What can I do to get her to realize that it is over and that it isn't the jabberjays mimicking my voice? The memories that we have before the Games are the only thing I can think of. There weren't that many memories or actually none where we had together except for one. I sigh and begin to softly sing the lullaby I heard so many years ago.
"Down in the valley,
Roses bloom all day,
The wind through the trees
Hearing what they say,
Come what may,
Along the rosewood way,
See the sunlight die,
See the rabbits run and hide
Know that you are safe,
Feel the rainy dew
Know that through it all,
That I love you."
"You remember the song?" I ask. "I heard it sung by this amazing little girl so many years ago. I didn't know it then but that day you stole something of mines. All these years I have been chasing you to get it back. And now when I almost lost you I have decided something. "
I brush her hair out of her face.
"I have decided to let you keep it. You have stolen my dreams and every night I dream of you." I say.
She begins to lessen her grip. She must remember the song that stole my heart, the little girl in the plaid. I place my hand on her hands and slowly move them down. Her eyes begin to open. The grey eyes just stare at me for a while. We have found each other.
"It's all right, Katniss," I whisper.
"You didn't hear them," she answers.
"I heard Prim. Right in the beginning. But it wasn't her," I say. "It was a jabberjay."
"It was her. Somewhere. The jabberjays just recorded it," she says.
"No, that's what they want you to think. The same way I wondered if Glimmer's eyes were in the mutt last year. But those weren't Glimmer eyes. And that wasn't Prim's voice. Or if it was, they took it from an interview or something and distorted the sound. Made it say whatever she was saying," I say.
"No, they were torturing her," she says. "She's probably dead."
"Katniss, Prim isn't dead. How could they kill Prim? We're almost down to the final eight of us. And what happens then?" I ask her.
"Seven more of us die," she says.
"No, back home. What happens when they reach the final eight tributes in the Games?" I lift her chin she that she would look me in the eyes. "What happens? At the final eight?"
"At the final eight?" She repeats. "They interview your family and friends back home."
"That's right," I say. "They interview your family and friends. And can they do that if they've killed them all?"
"No?" she asks.
"No. That's how we know Prim's alive. She'll be the first one they interview, won't she?" I ask.
Her eyes searches mines for truth. I can see she wants to believe me.
"First Prim, Then your mother. Your Cousin, Gale. Madge," I continue. "It was a trick, Katniss. A horrible one. But we're the only ones who can be hurt by it. We're the only ones in the Games. Not them."
"You really believe that?" she says.
"I really do," I respond.
Katniss looks over to Finnick for confirmation and I find that Finnick had been looking at me all this time.
"Do you believe it, Finnick?" She asks.
"It could be true. I don't know," he says. "Could they do that Beetee? Take someone's regular voice and make it…"
"Oh, yes. It's not even that difficult, Finnick. Our children learn a similar technique in school," says Beetee.
"Of course Peeta's right. The whole country adores Katniss's little sister. If they really killed her like this, they'd probably have an uprising on their hands," says Johanna. "Don't want that, do they?" she shouts. "Whole country in rebellion? Wouldn't want anything like that."
Leave it to Johanna Mason to make an impression. She is the only one that I know that would have courage and disregard to say something like this. Wonder what the Capitol did to make her like this, or has she always been so cheerful.
"I'm getting water," she says as she picks up some shells.
Katniss stops her before she goes in.
"Don't go in there. The birds -" she begins as she holds onto Johanna's hand.
Leave it to Katniss to even stop those that she cannot stand from suffering. Another thing that I love about her,
"They can't hurt me. I'm not like the rest of you. There's no one left I love," Johanna says.
There it is the thing that the Capitol did to her to make her this way. Typically when you lose everything and everyone, you kill yourself or you die inside. Johanna guessing she chose the latter.
She comes back strolling, and hands Katniss a shell of water. Katniss nods and she smiles and walks making sure that she rubs it in their faces that she walked in and nothing happened to her.
We walk towards the water her still holding onto me, shaken. I gently caress her palm. She looks at me with a smile.
"How are you?" I ask her.
"Still a little bit unhinged. Her voice, Peeta, it sounded so real. I felt that I was being torn apart by my memories," she says.
"Who did they use against Finnick?"
"Somebody named Annie," she says.
"Must be Annie Cresta," I say.
"Who?" she asks.
"Annie Cresta. She was the girl Mags volunteered for. She won about five years ago," I say.
"I don't remember those Games much," she says. "Was that the earthquake year?"
"Yeah. Annie's the one who went mad when her district partner got beheaded. Ran off by herself and hid. But an earthquake broke a dam and most of the arena got flooded. She won because she was the best swimmer," I say.
"Did she get better after?" She asks. "I mean, her mind?"
"I don't know. I don't remember ever seeing her at the Games again. But she didn't look too stable during the reaping this year." I respond.
Just then a cannon blast and we all look to each other. We see in the distance a hover craft come and see the claw go down multiple times, but what we see come up are pieces of someone. However he died must have been a horrible way to go.
We all assume the time is around the six to seven o'clock hour.
I grab the map I had started again. Twelve to one is the lightning zone. One to two is the blood rain. Two to three is the fog. Three to four is the monkeys. Four to five is the jabberjays. Six to seven is the beast.
She looks at me wondering when this all going to end.
"Not to worry it is almost over." I tell her.
"Something that I don't want to think about," she says as she places her hand on my cheek. "I am going to clean up. Wait for me?"
I nod and sit down while she takes a swim to get herself cleaned. After a little bit she comes up and I help place on the ointment. I see Finnick has woven another net and is there catching fishes, placing them on a basket. I move the basket over to where we are, and Katniss starts to clean them.
The sun begins to slowly disappear behind the jungle and we all walk towards our new camp. Everyone had settled in an area and after cleaning the weapons, the anthem begins and we all look to the sky to see how many of us remain.
Cashmere, Gloss, Wiress, Mags, the girl from District Five, the girl who saved me from the monkeys from District Six, Blight and the man from District Ten. Eight. Gone forever.
"They're really burning through us," Johanna says. With the eight that died today, and eight from the first night that is sixteen. There are five of us on the beach.
"Who's left? Besides us five and District Two?" Johanna asks.
"Chaff," I say. I wonder how the old man is fairly. Would he kill us without thinking? Has Haymitch spoken to him like he has spoken to these three on the beach with us?
A silver parachute slowly descends and I grab it. It is bread. The bread is square shaped and bite sized. District Three.
"These are from your district right, Beetee?" I ask.
"Yes, from District Three," he says. "How many are there?"
Finnick counts them, "Twenty-four"
"An even dozen then?" says Beetee.
"Twenty-four on the nose," says Finnick. "How should we divide them?"
"Let's each have three, and whoever is still alive at breakfast can take a vote on the rest," Johanna says.
Katniss begins to laugh. Johanna just looks to Katniss and there is an approving look. Johanna is the kind of person that although she one to keep your eyes on, she deserves respect for how she reacts to the situation. She reminds me of Clove from a year ago. I wonder if any of the tributes from our Games if they had survived instead of us, would they survive here. Would there be an alliance like this, or would it be everyone for themselves. The "what ifs" would drive anyone mad so I just concentrate on the raw fish with the warm bread from District Three.
Not many people talk through the meal with the exception of Johanna's comment on who would be the next to go. Or how would the careers attack.
"Who knows?" Katniss says. "Probably they will just get killed by the arena."
That would be the worst thing though when you think of it. That would mean that we would be left, and then our alliance would be broken and it would be the fight of our lives. This thought keeps in my mind. I know that Katniss would fight to keep me alive and that this alliance could be to keep me alive. Finnick saving me, Mags, the girl from District Six and even Johanna they all through their own way have placed their own lives to protect me.
The old man might have a double deal and we are both fooling ourselves. We wouldn't know who Haymitch truly wants to live, so it is probably a good time to lay out the cards.
We see the wave come out in the ten to eleven o'clock zone. We all move the camp to that zone. This gives us about twelve hours of safety from the arena. There is however a lot of clicking noise coming from the eleven to twelve o'clock zone. Whatever it may be, insects or animals we make an extra attempt to keep away from that zone. I grab the map and pencil in insects in that zone. When everyone has settled down in the camp, I hear Katniss says.
"I will take the first watch," Katniss volunteers.
"I will keep her company," I say.
There are no complaints and everyone quickly falls asleep. For the first couple of minutes it is just us one looking one direction of the beach and the other direction. After a while I feel her head against my shoulder. I place my arms around her and she allows me to caress her hair.
"Katniss," I say softly.
"Hmm?" she says.
"It's no use pretending we don't know what the other one is trying to do," I say.
We both know that we are trying to keep each other alive. Sooner or later she has to let me go. I have to make her see reason to it.
"I don't know what kind of deal you think you've made with Haymitch, but you should know he made me promises as well." I tell her. "So I think we can assume he was lying to one of us."
She looks up at me. When she sees my eyes she turns around to face me.
"Why are you saying this now?" she asks.
Everything has lead up to this. If my words have to count for something make it count for this moment. Everyone says that I have a way with words that I can move a crowd, but my crowd now is just her. Let them count.
"Because I don't want you forgetting how different our circumstances are. If you die, and I live, there's no life for me at all back in District Twelve. You're my whole life," I say.
Does she realize that this is the truth? She has to begin to realize that this is not for the cameras but for us.
"I would never be happy again," I continue.
"Peeta, don't –" she starts to object.
I place my finger on her lips.
"Please let me get this out. It's different for you. I'm not saying it wouldn't be hard. But there are other people who'd make your life worth living." I say as I remove my locket.
I hold it up to the moonlight so she can clearly see it. I open the locket and she lets out a little gasps. Her eyes trained on the pictures. She reaches out for the locket. I place it in her hands. She places a thumb over her mother and Prim, caressing the picture. She seems surprise to see that Gale is on the other side, smiling.
From the one who gave it to me, Katniss's mother. To the words that she gave me of remembering who I am fighting for. Knowing in my heart that she deserves happiness and to have a family of her own, this is my one desire even if it is not with me.
"Your family needs you, Katniss," I say to her closing the locket in her hands.
Her hands I can feel trembling. I look deep into her eyes so she realizes that it is the truth of my heart.
"No one really needs me," I say. "I have come to terms with this, my family has as well."
I look down at her hands. She has small hands. I never realized that until now. I see her hand come out of the grip and up to my chin. She lifts it, and that is when I see it. The grey eyes looking through me, past all of my defenses, searching deeply, the stare works down through the Games, the love, all the memories and finds that scared little boy.
She sees me. The ones everyone else just walks away from. She sees the scare little boy that knows that he isn't good enough for her. All the work I do, and all the training, and I would never be as good as the ones in the arena. All the words that my father tells me and I would always just be a boy trying to chase the dream. She sees me, and it scares me.
"I do," she says softly holding the tears. I can see the watery grey eyes. "I need you."
What good is her needing me if I can't be with her? If she could see that this is a selfish response. We only have probably this moment, who knows what will happen tomorrow. If she dies, then I would die inside.
I take a deep breath and just as I am about to let her know that she needs to think about her family that needs her. She leans in and kisses me.
Her lips are soft and passionate. It takes only a second and I have lost control. No, this isn't fair. I try to pull back to put up the walls, but she feels me and I can feel her. She knows that she has my heart. She has to let me go. It is too painful to think of her dying. Can't she see that? My heart longs for hers but the pain is too great. I can't live without her. If this is our goodbye then let it be. I know that in my heart if she dies I will die, but if she lives then I my memories of her will live in my heart forever even after I am long gone. Either way I know that I will not leave this place, this arena. I pour my heart in the kiss and find that she doesn't pull away but pulls in. We both for a moment lose ourselves in our hunger for each other. I cannot get enough of her; I could never get enough of her.
The lighting strikes and we are brought out of our dream world.
Finnick shoots up. In frustration he finally says "I can't sleep."
He looks at us obviously he is taken a little bit back on what he saw. He seeing both of us wrapped around each other. "Or both of you. I can watch alone."
"It's too dangerous," I say to Finnick. "I'm not tired. You lie down, Katniss."
I walk her over to where the others are. She lies down and I put the locket over her neck. Placing my hand over her stomach I smile and say.
"You're going to make a great mother, you know." I lean in and kiss her softly. She smiles and slowly closes her eyes.
I walk over to Finnick. We each take our posts.
"You really care for her don't you?" he asks.
"More than you know." I say.
"Isn't that just a great feeling, to love someone whole heartily?" He says.
"Is that how you feel about Annie?" I ask.
He turns around and looks at me.
"You were mumbling something and I could hear you calling out to her." I say. "I'm sorry, didn't mean anything by it."
He smiles and looks up.
"You see that star up there?" He points. "That is our star."
I look up and see a bright blue star in the night sky. It is shining brightly near a cluster of stars.
"Before I left for the Games, we both picked that star, so that if I was anywhere in the arena, I can just look up and find our star and know that she is looking at the same thing at the same time." He continues.
"So she is looking at it right now?" I ask.
He nods.
This is the first time I realize that although Finnick is considered a womanizer in the Capitol, his heart is with Annie.
"When did you know?" he asks.
"When did I know what?" I ask.
"That Katniss was the one?" he responds.
"When she sang as a child a song that stopped even the birds outside." I say.
"So you mean to tell me, that all she had to do is sing and the jabberjays would have stopped?" he says with a smile.
"Well who knows, it might have worked, although I doubt Katniss would have wanted to sing at that moment." I say.
"How do you do it then?" he says. "Knowing that neither of you might make it out. I don't know if I could have been able to,-"
"I sorry Finnick, I don't know." I say.
I see the fog begin to go through two sections down. It reminds me of Mags, how she sacrificed herself for me.
"Is that why Mags volunteered when Annie's name was called?" I ask.
He nods and looks down to the sand.
"Well she is safe back in your District." I say. "I am going to try to get Katniss back to her District so she can be safe."