Prompt: tactile

Ace!Holly

What you told Izzy was true all those weeks ago was true. You and Holly had never "boned," as Oliver's delinquent daughter had put it. You hadn't had sex of any kind with the doctor.

Not then, and not now.

The thing, the thing that you didn't tell Junior Shaw because it wasn't just your thing to tell, is that you and Holly had never had sex. And you're honestly not sure if you ever will.

No, not because of the break-up, you'd made up within days of Holly kissing you in the observation room.

And no, not because of San Francisco. Because Holly had talked the lab there into letting her work through the duration of her 12 month contract remotely. They'd ship samples to her, she'd do her science stiff with them, and then once or twice a month she'd have to fly to California. The trade off was that she lost a chunk of the salary they'd offered, but she was still working at the medical examiner's office as well, so it pretty much evened out. It was going to be a stressful year, but you'd be together for it. So you both were happy.

No, the sex thing wasn't based on either of those factors.

Instead, it was based on Holly.

You hadn't understood completely when Holly had explained, but after talking it through and looking at some websites the brunette had pointed out, you had a better idea of what Hol was trying to say.

She was asexual. She didn't experience sexual attraction like other people did. It didn't mean that she didn't have sex—she did. But it was a biological thing, not a desire thing.

Holly'd told you early in your explorations together, wanting to give you a chance to step away if you couldn't do it, be in a relationship with someone who was asexual. And, admittedly, at first you weren't sure you could. You liked sex. You really did. It had been the basis of most of your previous relationships, really.

But the more the two of you talked, the more you took the time to communicate and understand each other, the more convinced you became that you could do this. Be in a relationship with a woman. Be in a relationship where sex and sexual attraction weren't the strongest connections, the primary motivations for being together.

Because already your relationship was so much more, your connection so strong. And it had nothing to do with physical or sexual attraction.

It had everything to do with the way Holly made you feel—loved, cherished, safe. It has everything to do with the fact that just sitting on the couch watching tv, or even going to the batting cages and being laughed at as you struck out time after time were some of the best nights of your life.

It was more than friendship, because you'd had friends before and didn't want to kiss them, didn't want to go to sleep held in their arms and wake up to watch the sun rise with them.

Yes, you'd had questions.

How could Holly be asexual and still kiss you like she had in that tub? How could she call herself a lesbian even if she didn't feel sexual attraction to anyone?

And that's when you'd learned the difference between asexual and aromantic.

How could she like sex, enjoy the release of orgasm, and not consider herself sexual?

And that's when you learned that when she needed release, Holly preferred masturbation to sex, preferred extended foreplay sessions and then to bring herself to climax while her partner did the same. You learned that she liked to give oral sex but didn't like to receive it. She liked the sensual over the sexual, she'd told you.

But in the end, there was only one question that you needed answered. Did Holly want to do this, have a relationship with you?

You already knew what your answer was.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

She'd felt the same.

And now, six months after the temporary break-up, the two of you are in a healthy, stable relationship. When you come home from work, she's there waiting for you. When she's on-call and gets a phone call in the middle of the night, you get up and make coffee while she showers.

When you've had a hard day, she draws you a bath and drags a washcloth slowly and lovingly over your body, uses her hands to knead out knots in your shoulders and back. And it's not sexual, it's meant to soothe and not seduce. And you love it, because with every touch of her hand, every brush of her lips against yours, you feel safe, and loved.

One weekend when she was in San Francisco you'd signed up for a basic massage class, wanting to be able to do the same for her, to soothe and ease and love. And when she got home, when she followed the trail of rose petals up to the stairs, you were waiting for her upstairs in the bedroom, wearing your comfiest flannel pajama pants and a sports bra in a room lit only by candles. You'd laid out a towel on the bed, and lined up your oils on the bedside table.

You'd told her to go and wash up, shower, while you opened a bottle of her favorite wine.

And then when she came back, you'd had her lay down on the bed, and put your new skills to work, pulling out the tension of traveling from the base of her spine, the frustration of hotel rooms from her shoulders and neck. You felt her body slowly relax as you loved the aches and pains right out of her.

When you were done, after you'd gently tucked her tired limbs under the covers and begun to blow out the candles, you heard her speak.

"I love you, Gail."

You turn back to the bed and sit in the edge, looking into her warm brown eyes, lids drooping more and more with each slow breath.

"I know," you say and lean over to kiss her forehead.

You watch her slip into sleep, and just before she slips under, you kiss her forehead again.

"I love you too, Hol."