Elsa looked around dubiously. Last time she'd been in the forest she honestly had not been paying much attention. She'd been too concerned with running away. Now, of course, things were different. The ground was so uneven in places it was making using her wheelchair almost impossible. She'd been forced to make a path of ice smooth enough to ride along. Anna was well ahead of her, rushing between the trees, impatient to reach their final destination. All Elsa could see of her sister was her fiery orange braids and bouncing satchel—into which she'd crammed several things Elsa had not quite caught sight of. Things that didn't quite fit, and were hanging out the sides.
The dusky light filtering through the trees gave the scene an almost otherworldly cast, Elsa decided at length. It was as if she'd stepped out of reality and into one of the fantasies she'd often read. Maybe even a fairytale. She sighed. Life just wasn't like that. Now even the sound of Anna's footsteps had vanished, replaced by the burbling sound of running water. A river perhaps? The sound continued to build, and the pitch dropped to a deep, basso rumbling. Elsa still had no idea where they were going. She hoped they were close.
There was a clearing ahead, and Elsa could see the rippling surface of a large pool of water. Set back from the edge of the pool, hidden behind the trees, were several bautasten—standing stones. Venturing closer she could make out some runes carved in Elder Futhark. It was too dark to read the runes properly, but not so dark their form was unrecognizable. She turned to face the waterfall, noticing it seemed much darker now.
"Come on," Anna pleaded from behind the waterfall, emerging from what was obviously a narrow cave. "You have to see this."
"It's getting hard to see out here Anna."
"Here, let me help you."
Elsa was about to tell Anna to wait when she saw Anna moving behind her chair, carefully wheeling it into the cave. It was surprisingly large inside. Elsa was also surprised that nothing seemed to be using it for a shelter. They had traveled only a short distance when the roaring of the waterfall receded, and a short distance further on it became nothing more than a quiet whisper.
A new sound emerged in the darkness, and despite the roughness of the terrain she was being driven over, Elsa was intrigued. It was a soft susurration. A whisper on the wind. It sounded like a soft caress of wind against an entire forest. Was this what made the place so special? Elsa squinted, was it getting brighter too? A moment later she knew what it was that made this place special. Magical.
The narrower cave path broached into a large cavern. Water streamed in from above, whispering gently against the rocks as it descended in thin sheets. It fell against the lower pool like rain. Elsa suddenly felt the tension flowing out of her. Perversely she wanted to hold on to it, afraid she was losing something important, afraid she would forget something vital. A hand placed on her shoulder stilled that desire.
That same hand gestured skyward and Elsa felt the beginnings of something new stir within her soul. Above, past the flowing water, she could see the blue-black evening sky, and in that she could see the first stars. She looked again. It was just the first star, reflected off the running water and into the pool below. Suddenly the sky was aglow with pale colours and swirling lights. Bright greens and modest blues. A tiny trail of red snaking down from the heavens only vanish an instant later. Elsa was transfixed. Here was beauty she had often taken for granted from the window of her room. Now she was seeing it in a new light, and she shivered. This was what magic was supposed to feel like.
While Elsa was lost in wonder, Anna had taken the time to strip down to just her undergarments, well aware that the night would eventually be cold, and the fact she didn't want to sleep in wet clothes. That was also why she'd bundled towels and blankets into her satchel. The stones underfoot were smooth but not too slippery. She sat at the edge of the underground pool, kicking her legs in the water, enjoying the way the ripples distorted the reflection of the sky above them. It was something quiet and relaxing—probably the last thing Elsa expected her to do, Anna thought happily. She was always glad to be able to surprise her sister, in a good way, she would often remind herself.
She was also secretly hoping that being in this place would mean Elsa would let her guard down, drop the walls around her heart. There were things Anna wanted to talk to her sister about. Little things, big things, embarrassing things and private things. All of those things at once. But she would have to speak carefully. She didn't want Elsa shutting her out again after all the progress they'd made. She wouldn't, Anna told herself. She just doesn't want to talk now—which could be code for 'I never want to talk about this'. Anna sighed, then turned to look at Elsa.
Her sister sat almost motionless in her icy chair, staring at the sky in wonder. It was as if she hadn't even noticed what Anna was doing. Perhaps she hadn't, Anna considered, realizing that she herself hadn't made much noise getting undressed and dipping her legs in the water. She didn't want to break the spell—Anna could see the smile forming on her sister's lips. Elsa was happy to just be, even for a moment. It was something precious and sacred. Anna couldn't bring herself to interrupt a moment like that.
"What is this place?" Elsa asked at length, breathless. Only then did she look over at Anna. "And what are you doing like that?"
"It's what I saw in my dreams Elsa. Just like I told you. The standing stones outside were what was marked on the map Kai showed me. Oh, and I'm taking a dip in a refreshing cave spring, care to join me?" Anna slipped into the water with that last line, floating gently towards the centre of the spring.
"I–uh," Elsa was at a loss. What could she say? Something trite about getting cold; something about behaviour unbecoming of princesses; or even simply 'no'. There was more to it of course, there always was. But it was obvious now that Anna wanted to bring her here for something special—or to show her something special. She'd succeeded. Then Elsa realized she was probably over-thinking things yet again.
"I'll join you, but you have to help me get there," Elsa remained in her chair, a safe distance from the edge of the spring. It was also clear now why Anna had insisted she wear one of her ice dresses for the occasion. Her sister was developing a surprising streak of duplicity when it came to sharing time with Elsa. She wasn't quite sure what to make of that.
Anna paddled slowly to the edge of the water, pulling herself out of the spring and moving over to collect Elsa. Wrapping her arms around Anna's shoulders for extra stability, Elsa let her sister carry her to the edge of the water, then gently place her in it. It was cold. Not that that ever bothered her, but she was surprised Anna wasn't bothered by it. If she was honest, it was not particularly cold, just… not very warm either.
Elsa marveled at the way she was floating in the water. Her legs drifted of their own accord, driven sideways by the current. She splashed around a little with her hands, managing to direct herself back to the edge of the spring. Anna floated past, hair spreading out beneath her like a tangled halo. Elsa looked to the sky once more. The aurora was still in full force, a display almost as beautiful as the one floating beside her.
The beauty Elsa saw in her sister went well past the merely physical. It was ephemeral, ethereal, and elemental. It was as much a part of Anna as her freckled skin or fiery hair. What Elsa found so beautiful—had always found beautiful—was Anna's capacity for love and forgiveness. Even in her darkest moments, Anna had not stopped loving her. Even after learning Elsa had nearly killed her twice, she forgave her. Elsa sighed softly, blinking back tears. She had nearly taken this wondrous light and snuffed it out for eternity. If that had happened—there was a thought, something they'd never spoken of. Something Elsa had never even thought to ask, despite how much she cared for Anna. Something that she was truly afraid to ask, because if the answer was what she thought it was, she'd have much, much more to atone for.
"Did it hurt?" Elsa asked quietly, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Did what hurt?" Anna was a little confused. What was her sister getting at here?
"When I–when I froze your heart. Did–did it hurt?"
Anna quietly changed the direction she was moving in, drifting closer to Elsa. As she took Elsa's hand in her own, she squeezed. That act was enough to draw out her sister's unshed tears. But it wasn't an answer. Anna knew the real answer would break her sister's heart. She could remember every excruciating second. What it felt like to literally have ice flowing through her veins. To feel her heart stop. To realize that she, too, was all too mortal. And finally, the pain caused by that blade before the utterly consuming darkness of oblivion. The warmth of thawing had been nearly as painful, but mercifully brief. She still wouldn't have wished that kind of punishment on her worst—and quite possibly only—enemy.
"Anna… did I–did I hurt you?" there was a pleading note to Elsa's voice now. It was tugging at Anna's heartstrings. "Please, just say something… please."
"I–I," Anna began. She didn't know how much to say. She didn't want to hurt Elsa, but she didn't want to lie either. She knew Elsa would take her silence to mean the pain had been unbearable. She'd probably see through any lie she came up with too. Not answering was out of the question—that was Elsa's specialty, not hers. In the end the truth won out.
"It hurt," Anna squeezed her sister's hand as she spoke, drawing strength from their connection. "I won't lie to you Elsa. It really did hurt. But you can't really feel cold and it doesn't bother you, so you'll probably never know what it feels like to be that cold, so very cold Elsa. Please don't beat yourself up over it. Please don't do that. It won't help anyone. Can you just accept that you hurt me, but it was an accident, so I forgive you?"
"Maybe," Elsa squeezed her sister's hand. "One day. I don't know how you can forgive me so easily, I still can't forgive myself."
"Easy," Anna replied smoothly, gently paddling them towards the centre of the spring. "Because I know it's not your fault."
"But it was. If I'd had better control, if I hadn't gotten so emotional it wo—"
"Then I guess this is entirely your fault too," Anna spoke sharply, placing her sister's hand atop her breast. "Because it's something you were afraid of doing, and now suddenly you're doing it."
"I—wait. Something… umm, that's entirely different. You put my hand there."
"…and you could have stopped me doing that at any point, you realize?"
"It's not the same thing."
"Sure it is," Anna replied with unshakeable faith. "It was an accident. If I'd been standing a foot to the right, or two to the left, the ice would have missed me. Did you know that? If I'd had the presence of mind to duck it might have hit me in the head again—and we'd never have had this conversation. You're not the only one to blame for what happened in your ice palace Elsa. I did kind of provoke you. It was me that made you run off into the night after all. If anything, all of the blame for—for everything should be mine. If I hadn't tried to rush into things with Hans and if I'd just maybe let you speak with me alone or even if I hadn't taken your glove, then… all of this might never have happened.
"But if this never happened, then I never got to meet you again. The real you. Things would have gone back to the way they were. I would still think you hated me. I'd think true love was something I could find overnight. Hans might even have won. On the ice I joked that this cost us an arm and a leg. Maybe the price was high. But understand this: I would never trade what we have now for anything in the world. These little moments when we can really see each other for who we are—where no one else can judge us. I'd give up my legs if it meant we could share more of these moments Elsa. That's how precious they are to me—I mean these moments, not my legs and oh no what did I just say?"
"I hate you," Elsa whispered, her voice hollow and empty. "You're everything I could never be."
Anna drew her sister close, trying awkwardly to hug her while floating in the middle of the spring before finally settling on taking her hand once more. The tears flowed freely, and as Anna squeezed, she felt Elsa squeeze back. The connection gave them strength. The aurora dimmed as Elsa's tears ran into the water. Eventually she stilled. Something about the stars above them made everything seem small. Compared to the vastness of the heavens, their problems were as nothing. It made the world alright, just for a moment.
"Can we… talk?" Anna asked after a prolonged silence.
"About what?" Elsa asked cautiously.
"About those things you don't want to talk about. Like lady parts, or choosing your boyfriend, or—"
"Anna!"
"What?" Anna was the picture of innocence. "Like anyone would ever hear us in here."
"It's just… I'm not ready to talk about it Anna."
"Well, if you do pick one of them, eventually they'll want to… and don't you want to know if…?" Anna trailed off suggestively.
"If what?"
"If it still works?"
"If what still wor—Anna. Enough. Please."
"Fine. But we're gonna talk about this one day. Hopefully before you choose one and… hey. Okay, cold cold cold cold. I get it, I get it."
There was a pregnant pause.
"But you know I'm only asking because I'm concerned about you. Y'know, all of you. I mean, I want you to be happy, and I've heard that's a really great way to—cold. Very cold. Oh come on, it's not like you never…" Anna trailed off, finally realizing something important about her sister's experiences in life. "Oh."
Elsa laughed, a little self-deprecating sound. "You're right, you know. Up until very, very recently, I'd never even thought of that. I mean, I knew what it was, what it lead to. But I never thought of it as an option for me. Never thought I'd find someone who'd be able to accept the burden of loving me like that. Then you came along. And—ugh, it's all so messed up. I don't know where I am. What I'm doing. I know I kind of like Hank. Søren too. I like you more, and that just seems wrong and… and… I don't know what to do Anna. I just don't know."
"It's okay to not know things sometimes, Elsa. It means you get to learn something. Like how you really got the white in your hair. Or that your sister has ice powers. Or why your boyfriend always smells like reindeer. Or that your sister loves you like that. And that she's never touched… cold. Cold. Elsa, behave. We need to have this talk. Fine just try and freeze me then—but it's either me, here, now; or when we get back I'll find a way to get the physician—"
"Doctor Arnesen," Elsa corrected automatically.
"—okay, I'll get doctor Arensen to give you a lecture and a proper exam. Is that what you want?" There was a slight pause, then: "Cold. Cold cold cold. Okay, that was immature. You remember when you wanted to talk to me about my arm?"
"And you ate all the chocolate?"
"What, I was nervous," Anna turned to face her sister. "I guess I never asked how you felt talking about this—are we talking about this? Did we just talk about this? I'm sorry if it makes you so nervous but I—I don't actually know why I want to know so badly. I just kind of do. Is that weird? Am I weird? Yeah, I'm weird. Wait, what?"
"Anna?"
"What?"
"You're doing it again."
"Oh, right. Sorry," Anna took a deep breath, looking her sister in eye—as much as she could while they both floated in the spring. "Elsa, can we please talk about a certain part of your body that might or might not be working properly. I know you don't want to talk about it now—cold—but every time you say that I get more and more afraid it means you don't want to talk about it ever. Cold. Elsa!"
"Sorry," Elsa winced, aware of the trails of ice spiralling around her at that moment. "I'm not really that nervous Anna. I guess I'm willing to talk about—"
"Then why do you keep trying to freeze my butt off?" Anna asked skeptically. "I quite like it still attached to me, you know?"
Elsa sighed heavily. "It's because I'm scared Anna."
"You're scared of talking?"
"No, Princess feistypants, I'm scared of what it means. What if… what if… I'm broken?"
"I'm not exactly sure how you'd break that," Anna joked. "I mean, I can see what might break the other bit, but what we have? I'm not seeing it."
"Anna, if you really do want to have this talk, then please take it seriously."
"I'm sorry, it was just—okay, I'll take it seriously," she let out a deep, calming breath. "But I may explode if I can't use some of the jokes I learned recently."
"Oh no…" Elsa's face fell. "No… you didn't."
"I did. I still don't see what's wrong with like half of those jokes anyway. They're brilliant. And we're getting distracted."
"It's just—it makes me uncomfortable Anna. I know I need to talk about these things with someone, one day. It's just… well, I feel awkward talking to you about it," Elsa winced, looking away from her sister. "You're my sister, and I don't think we're supposed to talk about things like that, but I really don't know anymore."
Elsa sighed heavily, and Anna remained silent. "I'm afraid of losing you again Anna. You're more than just a sister to me now. You're a confidante, a helper. More than that. You're my best friend Anna—and I guess my only friend too. I never wanted to burden you with that but—"
"You're not a burden Elsa. You never are. You're my sister, and that's all you need to be," Anna brushed her hand against Elsa's cheek, forcing the blonde to turn. "Never doubt that."
Elsa placed a hand gently on Anna's cheek. "Never change. You're just so amazing the way you are. You even managed to get me to talk about—this"—Elsa gestured between her legs with her free hand—"I never had the courage to talk about things like that with anyone. I wish I had your strength."
"You do," Anna assured her sister. "You just use it differently. I know I could never have put up with that much paperwork. Or those letters. Or the angry visitors, or—anyway, we keep getting distracted."
"Maybe we both don't to talk about it," Elsa suggested casually.
"No, it's just you," Anna winked at her sister, "I, on the other hand"—Anna giggled at her own wordplay—"was going to suggest to you that there's an easy way to find out whether or not your lady parts are 'broken', like you said. I mean it's really, really easy, although I'd guess you'd want to be alone with your thoughts when you test it."
"Anna, what are you getting at?"
"I mean, haven't you ever touched yourself… you know… there?"
"Have I ever what?" there was a distinct look of consternation on Elsa's face as she tried to figure out what Anna was saying. There was silence save for the falling water as the moon rose higher and something finally clicked in Elsa's mind. Several tense minutes had passed for Anna, once again wondering if she'd somehow managed to 'break' her sister like that night in the bath—or worse, insulted her somehow. Elsa did seem quite prudish to her.
"Oh, you mean…?" Anna could tell from her sister's confused tone she didn't want to complete the sentence.
"That. Yes," Anna replied helpfully. "I used to think of prince charming—now I kinda like thinking of Kristoff."
"What?" Elsa's deadpan tone wouldn't put off her sister.
"I wouldn't be upset if you wanted to think of me, while you…" Anna winked devilishly. Elsa almost missed it in the moonlight. Almost.
"Anna!" the horrified shock and embarrassment in Elsa's voice made it worth it. Anna shivered on the surface of the spring, dragging herself towards the edge. She was looking for a very warm towel, and didn't care what her sister thought at this point. Especially as most of the spring was starting to ice over.
"Anna, no—I didn't mean to—I'm sorry Anna. You just—no, I just…"
"It's okay Elsa, I'm just cold, not frozen. Don't worry about it—the look on your face…" Anna dissolved into a fit of giggles, rolling around on her towel.
Elsa hid her face behind her hands, slowly trying to thaw the spring. "Why do you have to make fun of everything?"
"Come on, admit it, I make everything fun. Look, I'm just gonna go get some fish—I hear there's a particularly cold one in this dark cave somewhere in the forest—"
"Anna!" but Elsa was laughing as she tried to admonish her sister, ruining the effect.
After letting her drift a while longer, Anna carefully helped her sister up onto the shelf of rock around the spring, laying out a towel for her next to her own. Then, after a few moments of rummaging around in her satchel she withdrew a small lantern and a tin of matches, which she promptly used to light the wick of the lantern. The slowly flickering firelight lent a soft, dusky glow to the cave and the uneven ground between the sisters.
Making sure Elsa was comfortable on her towel, Anna lay down once more, turning sideways to just watch her sister. She knew, deep down, that there was something between them. Something more than their bond as sisters. Something deeper and stronger and quite possibly forbidden. But Anna didn't mind. It was part and parcel of Elsa, and she wouldn't ignore it any more than she could Elsa's laugh, or that tiny smile she got when thinking about some of the men she knew. Anna wasn't about to judge because she knew she probably had the exact same smile whenever she thought about Kristoff.
Anna realized something else in that moment. Something important about the relationship she had with Elsa. What it was developing between them. She could show Elsa something, bypass certain barriers, and let her know that certain fears were completely unfounded. It would work as long as Elsa didn't scream or something when she got touched. Anna smiled—Elsa wasn't likely to scream, no, she'd more likely freeze, but that was much easier to deal with.
"I figured it out," Elsa heard Anna say, the redhead suddenly leaning over her. "I mean, I think I have. What you wanted between us."
Elsa gasped as Anna laid her hand on her groin. She didn't know if she could—or would—feel anything, but it sent a terrifying shiver up her spine knowing only the thin fabric of her underwear was keeping Anna from touching her most intimate places. Indecision paralyzed her, and Elsa didn't know what to do. So close to something she'd thought she'd wanted—but now she was afraid of it actually happening. It didn't make any sense. At least until Anna started speaking again.
"What you wanted was never there," Anna said gently. Elsa only had time to think how wrong her sister was before she felt Anna's hand gently touching the top of her breast, just to the left of the middle of her chest. Her heart was pounding now, and she was certain Anna would feel its insistent rhythm. But when Anna spoke again, it was calm, inviting, barely above a whisper. Meant for her ears only.
"It was here," Elsa felt Anna pressing lightly against her chest when she spoke, surer than ever that her sister would feel her racing heart and know something was amiss. But she didn't. And suddenly they were very close. So close the glistening wet strands of fiery hair were blocking out the light from the lantern. Elsa knew then what her sister was trying to do—had succeeded in doing. She'd touched Elsa—in intimate places—and nothing bad had happened. No ice. No freezing. No powers at all. She was trying to show her it would be alright to actually have someone love her like that.
So when she felt Anna's lips brush against hers Elsa nearly fainted in surprise. Just as suddenly Anna was longer on top of her, but breathing rapidly beside her. Elsa touched a finger to her lips, trying to figure out if she'd just imagined that kiss. She couldn't tell. It was so brief she had no way to know. She hadn't even known she'd wanted something like that from… anyone, to be honest. And she certainly hadn't expected her first kiss—if it had actually happened—to come from her sister. She didn't want to break the spell of that moment, but her desire to know was just too insistent. That, and her sister's rapid breathing told her that it probably was real. Right?
"Did you just…?" Elsa asked, completely breathless.
Anna didn't answer at first, just gently squeezed Elsa's hand. Then, finally: "Yes."
"My first kiss…" Elsa wondered out loud. "My sister…"
"Your first?" Anna asked in mock horror, throwing her arm across her head, pretending to hide her shame—while laughing the whole time. "You realize this means I'm your one true love and we have to get married right away, right?"
Anna would have rubbed her shoulder if she'd still had another hand. That might have been slightly harder than Elsa had intended. It still felt like she'd just won a medal.
AN: Okay, that was fun to write. Also, really difficult to write too. I'm not sure I managed to get everything between the sisters right, but at the end it felt right, so I'm going with it. As always, if you have a comment or a review, don't hesitate to put it up—I will always try and respond to those reviews.
Serendipitously, this chapter marks both the end of a particularly entertaining—to me, at least—story arc, and a major milestone, being the 25th chapter of this story. I'm honestly not quite sure what to make of that except that I probably have too much free time.