S Meyer owns Twilight. I own a copy of Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe for PS3. Hubs can't beat me when I play as Catwoman.
M is the best pre-reader and sister a girl could ask for.
Maxipoo1024 was sweet enough to offer to beta, and I didn't hesitate to take her up on it. If you're a SoA fan (and I know some of you are), she just started writing Harleyward. Check him out.
Any mistakes left are mine.
Chapter 25
Two are born to cross
Their paths
Their lives
Their hearts
If by chance one turns away,
Are they forever lost?
(Something More Besides You- Cowboy Junkies)
-o-
It's just dinner.
This is what I tell myself over and over as I dry my hair and try to figure what to wear. Casual. Definitely casual.
I settle for jeans and a baggy v-neck sweater- nothing fancy, no makeup. It's just dinner.
His car is already in the lot when I arrive at Pam's. I'm glad because the place looks kind of crowded, and I'm not the kind of girl who likes to stand around alone- not in PA anyway.
He's already seated at a booth in the corner reading a flyer, and I manage to slide in across from him ninja-style before he even realizes I've arrived.
"Hey," he says, folding the paper and placing it on the table.
"Hey."
I slide my coat off and put it on the bench next to me, trying not to fidget. I leave my hands in my lap under the table, in an effort to hide the small tremor that started when I walked through the door and laid eyes on him.
A petite brunette comes over to get our drink order, and I steal a glance at Edward as he answers her. He's wearing an Aerosmith t-shirt over a fitted black thermal, and I'm not the only one checking out his arms. He fills out his shirts nicely. The waitress barely glances at me when I tell her I'd like a Sprite. When she's gone, we're left with an uncomfortable silence I'm not quite sure how to break.
He picks up a bottle of Parmesan and turns it nervously between his hands. They're much bigger than I remember. I'm looking at a man's hands now. He's thicker.
I can tell he hasn't shaved since the wedding. His hair is still damp, and I swear to God, someone should bottle Edward's after-shower smell. It would force Calvin Klein out of the cologne business.
His eyes are the same. Even the dark circles beneath them look familiar, and I can't help wondering what he sees when he looks at me now, besides blue highlights.
"Thanks for helping me today," I tell him. "The new house should be ready in a couple of weeks. I want to take care of as much as I can to make it easier for Mom and Phil when they get back from the honeymoon."
"You're not upset that your mom remarried?"
"Not at all. She and Phil are perfect for each other, and he's a good guy."
"He really is," he agrees as he finally puts the bottle back on the table. "You mentioned going to school in Florida?"
"Yeah. There's a small college in St. Augustine, and Phil has an amazing house on the beach. The ocean is clear and warm, and everything smells like salt. He offered to let me live there if I decide to go to Flagler. Rent free."
"Sweet. Have you picked a major?"
"No, I'm only eighteen. How am I supposed to know what I want to do for the rest of my life? Renee says I should be a teacher, but the last thing I want to do is go back to high school, day after day, for the next forty years. It was bad enough going through it once, even if being a teacher is different. All the miserable parts of it would still be there." Snobs, bullies, loners, stoners…kids you can save and kids you can't. I don't have the emotional fortitude to survive high school year after year. "What about you? Have you picked a school yet?"
"I've mailed a few applications and sent some game tapes, but I haven't really picked a where yet. Coach said the offers should start coming in after the first of the year. It has to be a school with a strong Computer Sciences department. I haven't narrowed down a specialty yet, but I know that's what I want to major in."
I can totally see that. He's always been a bit of a geek when it comes to computers and gaming. "Well, at least you have your what."
The waitress returns to deliver our drinks, and we place our order. We decide to split a cheese pizza, and he orders an Italian sub. I almost feel sorry for the poor girl because she can't seem to focus while Edward is talking to her. She gets her shit together enough to glance at me and ask, "Is this together or separate?"
"Are you sure you won't let me pay?" I ask him. He nods. "Separate," I tell her. "Half the pizza and one of the drinks is mine, and can I add a salad with extra Ranch?" She huffs a little but scribbles my order on the pad.
"Did you like the Bahamas?" he asks as soon as we're alone again.
"Sure. The beaches are gorgeous. I hated the cruise part. If I ever go back, I'll fly. I don't think I ever want to go on another cruise again."
"I'm scared to ask why."
"I'm afraid of the ocean."
"But you cliff dive and you want to move to the beach?" he asks, trying not to laugh.
I don't blame him. I realize how dumb it sounds. "I'm not scared of the beach. I'm only scared when I'm completely surrounded by ocean," I explain. "I remember going out with Charlie and Grandpa in a boat when I was younger, and I was never scared. I think it's because I could see the shore. But being surrounded by endless miles of water scares the shit out of me."
"So what did you do?"
"Most of the time, I read and drank beer. There were teen clubs, but they were really lame. Oh! I did get a really badass massage from a chick smaller than Alice. That girl had mean hands." The massage was the best part of the cruise. No doubt.
He laughs, and by the time the waitress comes back with our drinks, I've decided that this isn't nearly as weird as I expected it to be.
"How is Charlie?" he asks.
"He's had a rough month." He looks concerned until I continue. "Bratty teenage daughter, ex-wife getting remarried, you know."
"Women." He sighs, shaking his head. I know he's teasing because he's smiling. "Charlie is a good guy. You should go easy on him."
"You're not mad at him?" Charlie let Mark handcuff him on my porch.
"Well, he could have arrested me for drinking and driving. He should have arrested me for being stupid enough to show up on his doorstep drunk. And he had every right to be angry with me for talking to you the way I did. I hate that I did it, and I hate that he heard it."
"I know."
We could beat this dead horse until the end of time, but I just don't see the point. He's sorry. I'm sorry. We both fucked up, and we both paid the price. The last thing I want to do is keep score.
We don't have to be perfect to be friends.
"What did your parents say?" I'm sure they were pissed.
"Mom drove my car back to Port Angeles. Dad made me ride back with him. It…wasn't fun." He grins a little, shaking his head. "Then I got into some trouble at school which made it worse. They grounded me for three months when we came home from spending Christmas in Seattle with my grandparents."
"Just some trouble at school? You were fighting with Ben again…at school." At the sound of Ben's name, his smile disappears. "Phil said you quit the team."
"I did."
"I'm really sorry about that."
He leans forward and places two balled fists on the table between us. "Nothing Ben did or said was your fault, Bella. He's a sick, twisted fucker."
"What did he say?"
The waitress brings my salad and his sandwich before he can answer. He puts the dill spear on a napkin and hands it across the table before she even walks away. I take it from him silently and try not to freak out over a stupid pickle.
"He was running his mouth and being an asshole, so I decked him." He chuckles. "In the nose."
"You hit his already broken nose?"
"Yes, and I want to break it again every time I think about what he did to you."
I don't miss the way he skirts around my question. Phil wouldn't tell me either. Ben must have said something terrible for both of them to hide it from me. Maybe I should just let it go. I shouldn't care what he said.
Our pizza arrives as I'm finishing my salad, and I let the waitress take my bowl, but I hang on to the small extra cup of Ranch dressing so I can dip the crust in it.
I let him change the subject as we eat, and we talk about school. Not the people we go to school with, just our classes. He's happy to be done with Spanish and impressed when I tell him I'm taking AP Physics and AP Calculus. With any luck, I'll be able to test out of those and lower level English courses. My goal is to have as many credit hours on the books as possible before I even step foot on a college campus.
We talk through two drink refills before I realize the evening crowd has come and gone. It's getting late. He doesn't object when I signal for our checks.
"I've got to go," I tell him. "I have to do all of my Christmas shopping tomorrow and sort through some of those boxes."
"You haven't done any shopping yet?"
"No. Things have been a little chaotic with the wedding and Grandpa and Charlie."
We both stand and put on our coats.
"Did it hurt?" He looks genuinely curious as he holds the door open for me to exit.
"What?"
"The tattoo. I noticed it during the wedding, but I didn't get a good look at it."
I turn away from him and lift my hair so he can see it. "Yes, it hurt like a bitch." The pad of his finger runs gently down the center of my neck. Thank fuck it is cold outside. The Carhart coat I'm wearing is thick enough to hide my evil nipples and the goosebumps I can feel on my arms.
"It's beautiful."
I drop my hair and step away quickly. Touching isn't an option. Obviously, I'm still hardwired to get stupid any time we have skin to skin contact.
Being physically attracted to an ex is normal. I think.
"Thanks. Mr. Berty's wife did it. You remember, the punk chick from the playhouse?" He nods, and I continue. "Leah and I went together the weekend after my birthday. Hers is bigger than mine, but I'm convinced mine hurt worse. Camilla explained it's all about location."
"Bella?"
"Yeah?"
"I don't want to fight anymore either. That's what I was trying to tell you at the wedding when your boyfriend showed up. I don't know if we can be friends again, but I'd at least like to try."
God, I want that more than anything, just to know that we're okay. "It won't be easy."
"Nothing ever is with you." He laughs.
"I'm a complicated girl."
"And we've already established that I'm a dumbass."
"I'm serious, Edward. I'm not perfect. I'm not special. I'm just a girl. And most of the time, I'm a bitchy girl."
"I'm not perfect either. But not being friends sucked. I'm willing to take the risk."
I can't help but wonder if that was our real mistake back then: each of us so convinced the other was perfect. We were both so wrong.
"We can try." It's the best I can do. I don't want to make any promises.
"Trying is good."
He's right. This does feel good. It's weird and a little awkward, but I feel like a fifty pound weight has been lifted off my shoulders. This is what I expected to feel at the wedding. This is what I thought apologies and goodbyes would give me.
I'm not sure yet, but I think I like this option better.
He waits until I'm in the truck and buckled up before walking away. This is definitely better than our last parking lot goodbye. We didn't make any plans to see each other again, and that's okay. I'm sure we'll cross paths again eventually.
As soon as I get home, I call Jake to find out what size clothes Hannah is wearing these days. I always try to help him out by getting her things I know she'll need. Then I call Alice to see if she wants to go shopping in the morning.
She shows up around noon the next day with gas station coffee and eggrolls. It's a disgusting combination, but I haven't been grocery shopping, so I can't really complain. It's nice having her around for Christmas Break. She decided to stay in Forks this year to spend the holidays with us since she's leaving after graduation.
She forces me to tell her what happened the night of the wedding over a bowl on the back porch. I give her the run down, and then she grills me to make sure that I'm really as okay as I seem. As we're finishing up, it starts to rain. We decide to take Jeanette's car since it has a trunk, and we'll probably be hauling back massive amounts of crap after an all-day shopping trip at the mall.
Alice is really good at finding things on clearance. We find all sorts of baby jumpers, baby jeans, and onesie thingies on clearance at Baby Gap. The dresses from last season are all marked down, so I buy a few of them in bigger sizes, hoping maybe Hannah can wear them by her birthday. And for her birthday, I'll come back here and get clearance stuff for next fall. It's the best way to maximize the funds I have budgeted for her and ease some of the stress for Jake.
We pass Riley's store, and I can't help but look for him. He's working today, helping a little old lady at the ornament display. He looks good, and I'm glad he seems okay.
Before we leave the mall, I force Alice to come with me to Babbage's, and on a whim, I buy my own Sega and a copy of Mortal Kombat. My days of hanging out and playing with Sam are over. I don't really have any reason to hang out over there anymore. I'm going to miss Medusa.
We spend the evening eating Chinese takeout, wrapping gifts, and watching White Christmas.
My internal clock is still set for six thirty even though school is out. I let Alice sleep late Wednesday morning and spend my time going through some of the boxes from the attic. Some of them have clothes in them- my Gran's clothes. I put those on the front porch and make that the designated "Goodwill" zone.
She finally wakes up around eleven, and we hit the Waffle House before she leaves for Forks.
There are boxes of pictures I want to take back to Forks with me. There are old records and film reels I want to keep too. The "keep" boxes start to stack up, and by the time I'm done, I know I'm screwed. There is no way I can fit all of this shit and the wrapped gift boxes in the cab of my truck. It's raining and sleeting, and I don't have a tarp.
Dammit.
I do the only thing I can think of. I call Emmett. He's a little breathless when he answers after the third ring, and it grosses me out that he might have been fucking Rosalie.
"Hey, jackass. Are you busy?"
"Nah. Just benching. What's up?"
"I need you and your station wagon, but it involves a drive to Forks." He can jack his ride and pimp it out all he wants, but it's still just a station wagon, and I can fit a bunch of this crap in the back of it.
"Hang on," he says before muffling the mouth piece for a few seconds. "Edward is with me. Is that a problem? I mean, he said you guys are cool now, but I can ditch him if you don't want him around," he says quietly.
"Emmett, you can bring the whole PAH baseball team for all I care," I tell him, looking at the boxes.
"Damn. You're going to make us work again, aren't you?"
"I'll feed you, fucker."
"What time?"
"Whenever. I don't work until tomorrow."
They show up an hour later, and I carry an umbrella back and forth escorting them to Em's Jeep while they load up all of my boxes. Em carries it for me while I lug Hannah's gifts to the passenger seat of my truck.
"Who's the Sega for?" Edward calls from the porch. He's being nosy and checking out the contents of the huge plastic Babbage's bag I left by the stairs.
"Me." He laughs and so does Emmett. I bitch face them both. "Girls can't like video games?"
"Do they have Betty Crocker games?" Emmett says between laughs. Fucker.
"Don't be an ass, Emmett," Edward says as I take the bag from him.
"Whatever. Do you two want to hit the diner in Forks or order pizza?"
They agree on pizza, and we hit the road. The drive is slow because the weather is shit. So I follow Em carefully, listening to 13 Songs and wishing the rain would stop so I could burn one on the way. Fugazi's music begs for marijuana.
I'm relieved to see Charlie's cruiser in the lot at the station when we pass it. He's never really cared for Emmett, and I'm not sure how he feels about Edward after what happened this time last year. I don't think he would hold a grudge, but men are as complicated as women. They're just less bitchy about it…most of the time.
It doesn't take long to move everything inside once we get to my house. I have them take all of the boxes upstairs to my room except the one labeled "Pictures". I need it to make Charlie's Christmas gift. While they're busy with that, I carry in Hannah's gifts and add them to the small pile Charlie has already placed under the tree. There are a few for her and a few for me.
I'm hoping this means he's not mad at me anymore.
"Can you guys hook up the Sega while you're here?" I ask them after I've ordered pizza.
Emmett smirks. "Can't even plug it in, and she thinks she can play."
I let him gloat and silently watch as they move the TV and connect cables and curse until the Sega logo graces my television.
"Who's first?" I ask innocently as they finish up.
Edward calls it. I pick Liu Kang before he even has the second remote in his hand.
"What, you don't want to be Sonya?" Emmett taunts.
Edward chooses Sub-Zero and as soon as the announcer says "Fight" I unleash two, back to back, rounds of "Bicycle Kicks" on him and then throw him a little "Dragon Fire." They're both silent as my character is declared the winner of round one. He grips the remote tightly and moves a little quicker for round two, getting a punch or kick in periodically, but I still kick his ass. When the game is over, he throws the remote down on the couch and crosses his arms.
"Bullshit," he mutters.
"I don't remember you being such a sore loser," I taunt. He gives me the evil eye and picks up the remote. I trounce him again as Emmett laughs behind us.
"Here, fucker. You try," Edward grits, tossing the remote.
It's no surprise when Emmett picks Johnny Cage as his character. How predictable. He picks a character modeled after Van Damme. Because I'm a bitch, I choose Sonya. Losing to two girls will hurt a little more.
He shakes his head and grins. Until I "Leg Grab" him three times in row and thoroughly kick his ass, easily winning both rounds.
"Heh. Take that, bitches." I toss my remote to Edward. "You play. I need to work on Charlie's and Jake's Christmas presents while we wait for the pizza."
They pout silently for a while as I bask in the glory of wiping the floor with their virtual egos. It's what they deserve for being sexist pricks. Sam and Riley acted this same way when I first caught on and started beating them. Jake never liked losing to me after he taught me to play cards and shoot pool. There are more universal truths about guys than what Emmett shared with me years ago. Once Edward and Emmett get used to it, they'll start losing gracefully like the others.
I make a quick trip upstairs to grab money, a Walgreens bag full of sleeves of developed prints, a shoebox full of old pictures, and two of the four new photo albums I bought a few weeks back. Some of the pictures in the box downstairs are of me and Charlie from way back. WAY back as in baby pictures. I bought him a really nice watch, but letting these pictures stay in a box is such a waste. Maybe having them will help him when I'm gone. I don't usually give Jake anything for Christmas, but I have double sets of all the pictures I've taken of Hannah since she was born. He should have them. She's a gorgeous kid.
The guys are cussing at each other and laughing as they play my new game while I sort through the pictures in the bag, removing all the ones of Hannah. I'm half way through the old pictures from the box when the pizza arrives.
Since I've covered the dining room table with my "projects," we eat in the living room and watch How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Every time he taps his chin, I think of Carmen and her ridiculous bright green hair last Christmas. It makes me smile, even when the bastard is stealing all of the toys.
I've been away from home for almost a week, and I have no idea what shift Charlie is working, so I work on his present first. It would suck if he walked in on me making it.
Emmett makes fun of every single picture of me, especially the one of me and the girls wearing New Kids on the Block shirts when we were eleven. Charlie was brave enough to take all of us to a concert in Seattle. He looks reluctantly amused in the picture.
"The New Kids, Bella?" Edward's amusement is anything but reluctant.
"Don't," I tell him, pointing a finger at him in warning. "We liked them for about five minutes. It doesn't count."
"If you went to the concert…" he pauses, taking another look at the picture before crushing my pride "…and you bought…are those buttons?" He smirks a little, and I know that he knows they are. "It counts."
"Give me that." I snatch the stupid picture out of his hand and slide it into one of the open slots in the album. "Speaking of concerts…" I use my best snob voice "…I went to see Pearl Jam a few weeks ago in Seattle. Sixth row."
"Damn. How was it?"
"Don't be stupid. It was awesome."
"My parents wouldn't let me go because of school."
"Yeah, Charlie wasn't exactly happy with me. It's one of the things we fought about. I'm hoping this photo album might remind him I'm not always shitty and help him get over our spat."
He shakes his head. "He won't be able to stay mad at you for long. Trust me." His tone is playful, but those two little words are a reminder of my failure. I don't know if I've ever really trusted anyone. I don't know if I'll ever know how to. Instead of replying, I focus on Charlie's album, and pretend not to notice that he's looking at me more than the pictures.
When the last page is full, I wrap the album quickly as Edward carries the box containing the rest of the old pictures upstairs to my room. I try not to think about him being in there, and I keep my ass firmly seated at the dining room table and start on Jake's present.
I'm not exactly known for making wise decisions when left alone with Edward near a bed, or any other flat surface.
Emmett loses interest and asks for permission to play my Sega. I expect Edward to join him when he comes back downstairs, but he comes to sit with me at the table instead.
"Whose kid?"
"This is Jake's daughter Hannah."
He glances at the stack of presents he helped me carry. "All that stuff is for her?"
"Most of them are clothes. Charlie and I try to help Jake out as much as we can. Being a single dad sucks big time." He lifts a picture to study it. "I mean, he's not miserable because of her. He loves her, and he wants her. It's just hard on him financially. He's taking care of his dad, raising Hannah by himself, trying to watch out for his sister, and working full-time…he's got a lot on his plate."
"Did you take these pictures?" he asks as he looks through the set of duplicates.
"I did. Every time I see her, I go camera crazy. She's too cute, and I have fun following her around and catching that smile."
"She is a cute kid," he agrees, grinning. Because that's what people do when they look at Hannah. She makes people dumb.
"I have pictures from Florida in that bag if you want to see Phil's house."
He looks through all of the Hannah/Jake pictures first, laughing at a few of them and asking me questions about others. We've never talked this civilly about Jake before, and it feels good to not feel bad about my friendship with Jake.
"The Florida pictures are in the two thickest sleeves," I tell him when he reaches for the bag. There are pictures of me with Riley and his family in one of those packages, and I don't want things to get weird.
He only brings out the Florida pictures and looks at them silently as I finish up Jake's book.
"Jesus, Bella. Some of these are amazing. Look at this," he tells me, holding up a picture of Renee and Phil standing in front of the fountain at Flagler.
"I've seen it," I remind him. "I took it."
"You should have this enlarged and framed for them."
It's not a bad idea. There are enough pictures for me to make a small album for them too. I'm not celebrating Christmas with them until they get back on New Year's Day, so I have time.
"I might do that."
"Is this his house?" he asks, holding a picture of the back side of the house.
"It is." I lean over and point to the second floor balcony. "That's my room. Waking up there is amazing."
He flips over to a picture of the beach at sunrise. "I bet."
I wrap Jake's gift silently as Edward flips through my pictures. He takes his time, studying each one before moving to the next.
"I can see why you like it there. Everything is laid back and beautiful," he says. "Even the school looks like a vacation."
I think he's right. My attraction to a big city like Seattle or New York is still there, but the life I imagine in places like those is a busy one, filled with parties and places to go. The life I imagine in Florida involves homework on the beach and falling asleep to the sound of the ocean every night...in a really fucking comfortable bed.
I put the pictures away quickly when I hear a car door slam in the driveway. Edward has a brief moment of panic and glances at the back door in the kitchen like he might try to escape. He shoots me a dirty look when I giggle.
Charlie throws the front door open wide and glances around frantically as he enters the house. He relaxes a little when he sees Emmett on the couch punching away at buttons on the Sega controller. When he spots me standing next to Edward in the doorway, he scowls and says, "Do you want to tell me what the hell is going on here, Bella?"
Edward shifts uncomfortably. "Chief-"
"Is your name Bella?" Charlie cuts him off with a glare that scares even me, and Emmett looks like he might piss his pants at any given moment. "In the kitchen. Now," he says as he passes me on his way through the house.
Shit.
"I'm sorry," I tell them. "If you want to go, I understand. Thanks for helping today."
"We'll wait," Edward says. "I want to talk to him. I didn't thank him last year."
Emmett groans. "We should leave now, Edward. While we still can. Dude carries a gun. It was on his hip when he walked by me."
"I'll be back. Go if you need to." If I keep Charlie waiting, it's going to piss him off even more. That's the last thing I need.
He's pacing when I reach the kitchen. "Are you trying to kill me? Coming home to Emmett McCarty's Jeep parked in front of my house? It took a few years off my life, Bella."
"It's good to see you too, Dad."
"Why are they here?"
"They helped me move some stuff from the house in Port Angeles. I gutted the attic, so I can rent the place for cash. Grandpa is giving it to me as a graduation gift."
"Shouldn't your current boyfriend be helping with that?" he asks bitterly.
"We broke up, Dad. I'm not going to Philly." Christmas is three days from now. I don't want to fight with him anymore, and if hearing that Riley and I broke up doesn't make him happy, nothing will.
For a second, he looks elated. Then, he glares me. "That doesn't explain why Tweedledee and Tweedledum are standing in my living room."
"Now you're just being mean." He relaxes a little and has the decency to look ashamed. "Edward wants to talk to you."
"Oh, he does?" he asks, crossing his arms over his chest. "Send him in."
Poor Edward. "Dad, please. We're trying to be friends. I…it's important to me." Having Edward in my life again is weird and unsettling, but I like it. I like it so much more than trying to hate him or forget him.
"Fine," he says quietly. "I'll be polite."
"Thank you."
Emmett is waiting by the front door by the time I rejoin them. "He's all yours," I tell Edward, thumbing over my shoulder toward the kitchen. "Sorry in advance for his bad mood. That's my fault." He disappears as I pull on my coat so I can have a smoke on the front porch and get Emmett out of my house.
He breathes a sigh of relief the moment I close the door behind us. "Your dad is scary, Bella. He always looks at me like he's taking aim."
"He is," I mumble around a Camel, seconds before lighting it.
He doesn't find it funny. In fact, he paces across the porch while I push back and forth slowly on the swing as I smoke. "This is why I hate coming to Forks. We're gonna have to hang out in P-A, Bella. Just being around your old man freaks me out."
He jumps when the door opens and doesn't relax until Edward steps outside to join us.
"Everything okay?" I ask.
He nods. "Yeah. He didn't shoot me or threaten me, so it's cool." He runs a hand through his hair. "I guess it's cool. He didn't really say much…just stood there looking at me like I was trying to shoplift at a Seven Eleven store. Then he said, 'You're welcome' and walked off."
"Dude, you're lucky you lived to tell about it," Emmett whispers.
"It wasn't that bad. I hope I don't ever have to do it again, but it wasn't that bad."
"We're gone, Bella. I love ya, but I can't hang with the Chief," Emmett says as he approaches me, leaning over to pull me into a hug. "Merry Christmas. I'm glad you called. Even if it means I had to see Charlie."
"Merry Christmas," I tell them. "Thanks again for helping me. I promise that next time I see you, I won't make you work."
"Yeah, yeah," Emmett grumbles as he steps off the porch and into the rain.
"Good luck with Charlie," Edward says quietly. "I'm sure you'll work it out."
"I hope you're right."
Before I can move, I'm in his arms, and he's hugging me against his chest. "Merry Christmas, Bella."
"You too." Two words are all I can manage and my arms come up, but I can't make them actually touch him before he pulls away and disappears into the rain and the dark.
If a light holiday squeeze leaves my hands shaky and my heart racing, how am I ever going to do this? It doesn't make sense because we're nothing like we were, but he's still the same in some ways.
"Are you going to tell me what happened with the child predator?" Charlie asks as soon as I close the door behind me.
"Dad, I love you, but you have to stop. Riley isn't a child predator. He didn't touch me until after my birthday."
"You're not helping his case."
"There is no case. There is no Riley. We broke up. End of story. I'm not going to Philly or anywhere else with him ever again."
"Good."
"This might be our last Christmas together for a while, Dad. If I decide to get a job, I might not be able to come home next year. Or the next. Do you really want to spend it fighting?" He shakes his head. "I feel bad enough about the Riley thing. Rubbing it in my face only makes me feel worse. I don't like knowing that I hurt him."
"Fair enough, but I won't pretend to be unhappy about it."
"Fair enough," I agree.
Mrs. N scheduled me for early shifts this week, so I hit the sack early and fall asleep easily. I've only been gutting the house for a couple of days, but I feel like I've been going nonstop for weeks.
The days pass quickly since the store is busy and filled with last minute shoppers. It's hard for me to be irritated with their desperation since I'm a bit of a procrastinator myself.
Alice and Jasper join us for our yearly Bing Crosby movie-thon on Christmas Eve. Charlie has been in a much better mood since we talked. I can tell things still aren't quite right with us, but I can't figure out what's really wrong with us either. At least the silent treatment is over.
When Jake and his family arrive on Christmas Day, Charlie calls me to the front door. Hannah is walking next to Jake carrying a small wrapped gift and smiling even though her knit hat is pulled down over her eyes, and her head is tilted back so she can see.
I meet her halfway across the lawn and pick her up, lifting the hat and earning a sloppy kiss on the cheek.
"Ewww," I whine, shaking my head at her. "You're a bucket of drool, kid."
"But she's a cute bucket of drool." Jake grins.
True.
"No kisses," I tell her. "Kisses are yucky." She scrunches her nose, mimicking my own facial expression.
"Bee," she says, jamming me in the face with the wet finger she pulled from her mouth. I swear if this kid wasn't so damn cute, I'd be tempted to disown her little butt for always coating me in saliva.
"You taught her to call you B?" Charlie asks.
"All my girls call me B," I answer. "Right, Hannah?"
"Bee." Again, with the wet finger…
I put her down and let her walk beside me. It takes her five minutes to climb the porch stairs, but she refuses assistance. We stand behind her and watch as she triumphantly reaches the porch, turns around, and claps for herself. And because she makes people stupid, we all clap for her too.
As far as kids go, she's not so bad.
She pauses when she gets to the front door, bending over to pick up a wrapped present propped against the wall. One of Charlie's female admirers must have left him a gift. Hannah carries it into the house and drops it next to the tree. Then she claps again, and we clap again.
She claps every time she opens a gift. Well, she claps every time anyone opens a gift.
I tear up a little when I open my gifts from Charlie. My own copy of White Christmas on VHS and a stack of pre-paid long-distance calling cards. He ends up misty-eyed too as he flips through the photo album I made for him.
Jake picks up the package Hannah found on the porch, and instead of giving it to Charlie, he tosses it in my lap. It's flat. A perfect flat square with a white bow and matching name tag with my name printed on it. In Edward's handwriting.
"I'll open this one later," I tell him, placing it on the table and excusing myself to the kitchen so I can check on the ham and catch my breath and clear my head.
Alice and Jeanette show up not long after, and I'm thankful for an excuse to step out back for a smoke. Rachel and Alice join me, and we sit in the Think Tank and split a joint that Alice produces from her Marlboro box.
Later, as I sit next to her, looking around the room at these people I love and will miss, I realize I had the best family in the world all along. I just didn't figure it out until now. I was so worried about what everyone else had, I never even noticed that what I have is so much better. I get to be a part of so many families.
As happy as I am, it still feels like something is missing.
I wish there were phones in those huts in Tahiti.
Alice helps me clean up after dinner. Jasper and Jake sit at the kitchen table playing with Hannah and talking about cars. Since Jake is leaving soon anyway, we decide to drive around to look at Christmas lights. It's one of Alice's favorite things to do while stoned, and she only gets to do it a few times a year, so we humor her.
We all walk out together, and Jasper helps Jake with Billy.
"Bee," Hannah says sleepily as I carry her out to the car. She lays her head against my chest, and I hug her tightly as I breathe in the candy cane scent in her hair. She's a sweet kid, and I almost hate that she'll have to grow up and be a teenager one day.
She's out cold by the time I place her in Jake's arms so he can buckle her into her car seat. When he's done, he closes the car door as quietly as possible and turns to me.
"Thank you. For everything," he says, scooping me into his arms. "You're the best. I love the album, Bella. It's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. Someday, I'm gonna be worth all the trouble I caused."
"Shut up, you big dummy."
He gives me a quick peck on the cheek before releasing me. "Not all kisses are yucky. Thanks for scarring my kid," he teases. "Let's hang out again before you leave, okay?"
"Don't be silly. We have plenty of time."
But when I think about it a few minutes later as I sit in the back seat of the Impala on our way to the school, I realize that I really only see Jake and Hannah four or five times a year. I can see why he would think our time is running out.
We smoke a bowl in the parking lot since I know Charlie is getting ready for work and Mark is at the station getting ready for shift change. Then we drive around listening to Guns N' Roses and looking at Christmas decorations.
They drop me off at home around ten and stay long enough to see me safely inside. The only light in the living room is coming from the lit tree. Charlie must have noticed the unopened gift on the table and moved it under the tree.
I sit on the couch and stare at it for what feels like forever. I have a lot of regret. I've been carrying it for a long time. Opening that present might add to it.
I lean over and pick it up, turning it in my hand. Before I can stop them, my traitorous fingers are ripping the paper to shreds. What's left is a forty-five of A Kiss To Build A Dream On and I Get Ideas. There is a folded paper tucked into the sleeve with the record.
Bella,
I found this at Spin City in
Seattle during Spring Break.
You might have already found
a copy, but I picked it
up anyway. I thought about keeping
it and buying you a New Kids CD instead,
but I decided to be nice.
Merry Christmas
Edward
The ink blurs as I press my fingers to my lips.
He kept looking.
He probably only gave two or three bucks for it, but he kept looking.
He kept looking for something I gave up on a long time ago, and I have no idea what that means. I stand and walk to the stereo, holding the vinyl and carefully placing it on the stand. The scratch of the needle, a muted cackling and then soft piano music makes the snot festival even worse.
I have to wait a half hour for all the sniffling to stop. It's almost midnight, but the urge to pick up the phone outweighs the time and my common sense. My fingers punch the numbers in quickly, even though I haven't dialed them in a year and a half. There are some things a person never forgets.
"'Lo?" He answers on the first ring. I'm pretty sure I woke him up.
"God, I'm sorry! Were you asleep?"
"Not really. Well, I might have dozed off for a few minutes. What time is…damn, it's midnight. Are you okay?" He's awake and concerned now. Not that I can blame him since I called him in the middle of the night like a crazy person. Damn. I'm the crazy ex-girlfriend.
"I'm fine. I just wanted to say thank you." There's a long silence, and for a moment I wonder if he fell asleep.
"You didn't have it?" he asks quietly.
"No. But I do now. I can't believe you kept looking."
"I told you it was out there."
He always swore we'd find it. I restart it in the background so he can hear it, and I play it over and over, occasionally switching sides and songs as we talk about our holidays, our families, and our gifts. An hour later, I'm sprawled on the couch yawning as we say goodbye.
I'm comfortable in the dark with the soft colored glow of the tree, so I stay on the couch. Every time I close my eyes I can hear trumpets and piano, but having that record doesn't mean what I once thought it would.
It isn't important to me because of my parents anymore.
-o-
A/N- That was pretty painless, right?
Baby steps.
Thanks for reading!
-MSC
Quick note for "Tofurkey" readers- I've gotten a couple of private messages asking if I'm ever going to write the future-takes. Yes. I will after TGAG is complete. It's hard for me to write comedic semi-smut and teen drama at the same time. I just wanted y'all to know I haven't forgotten.