Here, Chapter 25 just take this bullshark.
To say that living with Klaus was pleasant…would be an absolute lie. The blood-sucker was full of surprises, and seriously didn't take threats lightly. His days ranged from smashing things when angry to leisurely sipping some whiskey by the dead fireplace. Generally his moods started up when he was left alone too long or if the Salvatore brothers visited. Mostly the former.
It didn't seem to me that anyone here actually worked, well at least not that I've seen just yet. Hayley was always here, like a bothersome shadow clinging to Klaus and she only ever left the house when he did. A time or two I thought joining them would perhaps be a good idea, what were they doing? The question grated on my nerves, the wolf in me hated the thought of Klaus and the hybrid alone. So I tagged along, didn't get as far as the front lawn before Klaus demanded to know why I was following them.
Damn vampire supersonic hearing.
The days have been somewhat boring, Klaus didn't lie about Mystic Falls being dull, but then again I blame the boredom on him. The one day I'd tried to venture out to scope out the town and Klaus all but my locked me inside to keep me from wandering after him. I'm not sure what he feared exactly, as he had said, my life didn't mean much to him after all.
I did my own exploring, mostly of Klaus' home, trying to memorise all the nooks and crannies, careful to leave closed doors as they were. I came across more portraits and some breath-taking landscapes, a bust of a narrow nosed man and a detailed vase depicting bright yellow roses. His study interested me most of all; books lined the walls, old and new, surrounding a hearth and in the middle of the room his desk and a chair. It was the warmest room in the house, despite the pyre never being lit, and Klaus' scent clung to everything in it.
Despite him never formally inviting me into the room I assumed that since I'd been in it before, it was okay to go there again. Even so I was careful.
My feet rustled along the floor, my eyes searching the shelves until I found my prize. The book, its cover was faded brown leather; the pages yellowed and stained. The cover was soft and worn to a thin sheet by many caressing fingers. I flipped it open, to a page at random, the spine groaned at the movement. Despite how I strained my eyes I could not understand the words written on the sheet; they were letters I was used to, but the words were a messy jumble – a different language. But so beautiful in their script that it made me sigh in longing.
Fingers traced over the hurried scribbles, soaking in the smooth edges of each letter; the curve of 'c' and the stretched dot of the 'i'. Unconsciously I turned the page, again and again, until I reached a change. Instead of the writing, the yellow page was covered in a sketch, a very accurate one at that. My breath caught as it traced the fine features, lingering on the lively expression of the model. A girl, with light hair and eyes, a face shining with joy; each feature lovingly sketched with ink, even so, I could see no inaccuracies. It was brilliant, so well-drawn that it almost seemed to be a photograph.
For the longest while I stared at the girl, even though her ink had bled somewhat and faded it was still magnificent, so good that I wondered if the subject had been close to Klaus' heart. The hastily scrawled word Rebekah remained my only clue. A sister? A friend? Either way I felt a prickle of envy darken my mood.
With one last look at the book – Klaus' personal scribbling, I assumed – I replaced the object and stepped away from the shelves. Indeed that tome was the most worn of the lot and it lingered of Klaus' scent more than any other. It made me wonder if it was his diary, an old one of course, but a diary nonetheless, but that seemed unlikely. I doubted Klaus would leave anything private lying around for someone to pick up and indulge in, the past has everyone's darkest secrets.
I glanced around the room, my eyes snagging on a few new sheets of paper crumpled at the foot of Klaus' desk. It wasn't right of me to snoop around his things, he'd been pretty harsh about this, but my curiosity won over and my fingers reached for one page. To say I was surprised at what I found was an understatement; I very nearly choked on the air in my lungs. Because when I smoothed out the page my eyes made contact with no one other than Caroline. His depiction of her was perfect, a masterpiece in and of itself.
My lips twisted as I stared into the eyes of Elena's friend, Klaus truly put everything he had into the image – the girl might have been more beautiful on paper than the real object. If the sketch of Rebekah woke my envy, this one… it lit my chest on fire. My breath parted in a harsh stutter and my eyes began to sting when I didn't blink. I crumpled the picture anew and reached for another page, I ended up squeezing my eyes closed at what I saw.
Caroline.
I hadn't known the girl long enough to like or dislike her yet, she had seemed alright, but a strong part of me was smouldering in fury now. The wolf brushed at the edges of my mind seeking to escape and put bestial jaws around Caroline's neck. It was a bad idea; one I was sure would cost me my life if what I saw in these drawings were correct. Klaus, I concluded, was in love, there was no way to deny it the way he filled her eyes with adoration and her lips with mirth.
For a moment I was transported back to La Push; the sea breeze biting at my skin, whipping my hair against my cheeks, hiding the bleakness of my skin. And the sound of Emily's laughter as Sam pulled her close, the image of my cousin wrapped in my lover's arms; it felt like someone was stabbing me. The others indulged in their Alpha's joy, splashing in the water and spraying streams of glittering ocean into the air. I didn't need Seth's concerned squeeze on the shoulder to know that I'd started crying again.
In my hands Caroline's face morphed into Emily's and my breath froze in my throat. No… I crumpled the page and let it fall to the floor, my skin feeling tight and itchy as I hurried from the study. No. My mind whirred and I stumbled as I raced for the steps. No! I took two steps at a time, my vision starting to fuzz.
I lurched into the room and shoved the door closed a split second before the first scream parted my lips. My body slumped to the floor, trembling and shaking uncontrollably. The force of the screams grated my throat in pain, my back arched and my neck strained, banging against the door.
I felt the tendons pressing into my skin, covering my body in shivering goose-flesh. My muscles pulled and contracted at my bones. My face scrunched, pressure building behind my eyes as the tears began to flow, streaking down my face and falling to the floor soundless.
The screams didn't stop; they smothered everything else until all I knew was agony. Until all I could feel was my body rejecting itself, trying to snuff out my existence.
It was Jane all over again, and this time there was no one to save me.
I felt more than heard the first bone break, the force reverberated through the rest of my body and made my screaming falter for a moment as my mind swam and my gaping lips sought to suck in air.
Then the screeching started again, louder, a high-pitched siren's cry. My body welcomed the next few breaks with screams of torment. My spine bowed and muscles popped, fingertips digging into my palm.
It must have been hours.
Days.
Weeks.
Months.
The pain dissipated and I lay gasping on the floor, shuddering. When my eyes finally cracked open, I yelped and tried to stumble to my feet. The world spun in dizzying greys and blacks, my mind whirring without comprehension as my head whirled.
Moments passed in light headed confusion and slowly I became aware of four paws on the ground beneath me, a brilliant coat of grey fur lining my body and the twitching of ears atop my head. Relief washed over me, mixing with the fear, and my trembling legs let me fall to the ground.
I lay on the floor, my colourless eyes flashing back and forth across the room in concerned anxiety. They lightened on the remains of my clothes, material scraps like confetti strew around me, the claw marks on the back of the door. A measure of amusement spiralled through me when I saw the carpet untouched by my vicious phase. It was washed away quickly.
My ears pricking back and forth, listening for any sounds. It was so quiet. The thought bothered me some and my ears lowered against my head, my muzzle parting to release a low whine. The paws on either side of my head buckled to push me up. I rose to my legs slowly, shaking like a new-born trying its legs for the first time. My large body moved silently, wobbling slightly but otherwise steady as I ventured across the room.
Outside the curtains it was still day and light washed across the floor and half-blinded me when I entered it. The fur on my spine rippled, hackles rising under the warmth. Behind me a tail swished, too-long fur lashing against the floor repeatedly.
If felt good.
My paws danced on the spot, antsy, eager for movement. Finally my chest lowered to the ground, paws stretching out in front of me and my hide pushed into the air, tail dancing happily as I stretched.
It felt really good.
I phased, it was a jubilant realisation. My wolf body shuddered in relief, I hadn't been sure if I would ever be able to do so again. Granted it was agonising, but I had still done it. A tingling sensation built in my throat and I wanted to howl at the roof, laugh this small joy to whoever could hear it. But I suppressed the urge, thinking of Klaus, of Damon, of all the people I'd met here so far. A part of me wanted to burst through the door and explore the nearby woods, but that would have to wait. I settled for trotting around the room instead.
It became clear after a few moments; I couldn't hear my pack and their annoying conversations, there were no thoughts to interrupt me. It felt so lonely. So quiet. I might have hated these aspects of being a wolf, but without them I felt truly alone in the world. A whine let my muzzle and I stopped my trotting to stare vacantly at the window. Out there, somewhere, my pack was running through the woods, together; a misshapen, odd pack that was based on mutual need to protect our families.
My family was out there.
I couldn't protect them from here.
Pity welled up in me and my ears fell flat, my teeth gnashing together in anger. My land, everything I'd lived to protect for so long was lost to me. It was my fault, I knew. My own selfish need to escape had brought me here, broken the ties with people I'd considered family for so long. Despite the pain I'd gone through with them, it was preferable to this loneliness.
Klaus was my reason for staying here now and I feared that I'd already lost him, before I even had a chance. I should have known, I had suspected, but I hadn't truly believed that he could have someone. He did though, didn't he? Caroline clearly loved her Tyler, but that did nothing to release Klaus from his love for her.
I knew as well as anyone that unrequited love didn't die easily, in fact, I still loved Sam. If I didn't love him it wouldn't hurt me as much as it still did. Even though Sam was taken, even though I had found my soul mate, the love remained. All those times we spent together had been real, all my emotions were real, it wouldn't vanish with a snap of my fingers. I was determined to burn these feelings, but it wasn't easy, especially when so many things here reminded me of them.
So, I understood, I got it. It made sense why his foulest moods came when he was left alone in his study, left to himself to think of the woman he loved who was with another man. It made so much sense now that I'd seen those drawings.
I'd known Klaus didn't have much, but now I knew for certain; he had money and looks and an adoring hybrid at his beck and call, but he didn't have anything in his heart, he was empty. Devoid of love and humility and compassion, because of whatever had happened in his past, and now that he had found love he couldn't have it. She belonged to someone else. Just like Sam.
We were more similar than I'd realised and it made me sad. I didn't want this. Klaus was my soul mate, your soul mate could be your best friend or lover; it didn't really matter. But I didn't want this, this constant loosing, the knowledge that I'd never have anything, because he didn't have anything. We were just two empty people seeking someone to fill the holes in our hearts. He had the ability to mend the damage in me, I had no doubt, but I knew it would cost him dearly. He would never love me; never truly care for me, not like the imprint was urging me to do every time I thought of him.
He might be my soul mate…but I wasn't his.
I would have been fine with being his friend, but Klaus didn't have friends; that was the conclusion I came to. Even if Klaus wanted friends and even if that friend happened to be me, Klaus had nothing left to give, he was empty and the little he had left was focused on something he could never have.
I pitied us both, our silly hopelessness.
This was perfect, because if would never work. It was somewhat amusing, even though it wounded me more than it should have. Maybe that's why it was amusing.
I curled in on myself, wrapping my tail around my paws and laying my head next to it, staring at nothing. My thoughts haunted by the ghosts of wolf thoughts and memories of times past.
A while passed before I moved, my body groaning when I opened my eyes to see the world washed in colour. I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling, my mind wrapping around everything that had happened. I fell asleep and woke up human again. I could almost believe the phase was a dream, yet the cry of my muscles and my bare body told a different story.
I rolled to the side and pushed myself onto my feet, slightly unsteady but better than it had been as a wolf. My gaze lingered on my shredded clothing and ruined sneakers, leaving me wondering how much of the clothes Alice had packed for me was as appropriate and comfortable as the pair I had just ruined.
The bag lay unpacked at the foot of the bed and I had to shove half its contents out to find something to wear. By that time I'd concluded that I had to go buy my clothing, which meant I needed money. Ultimately, I thought it was time I got a job.
"Leah!"
My head snapped up and I dropped some stray garments. Klaus was back… excitement coursed through my veins mingled with confusion and fear. Can I tell him? Could I tell him now that I've changed?
"Leah!"
Instinctively I hurried out, shutting the door to my wrecked room and flying down the stairs, concerned for the tight snap of Klaus' voice. What had happened now to make him sound so livid? I reached the landing, cringing slightly at the sudden burst of activity, and came virtually nose-to-nose with Klaus. He looked about ready to rip out my throat. I yelped and stumbled; taking two steps back up the staircase.
"Who did you let in my house?" He snarled, following me up the steps and getting in my face, bloodlust tinting his face dark and wild, it frightened me.
"No one," I tried to say clearly but it came out more of a startled squeak than anything else.
His hand flashed forward and his fingers locked around my upper arm in a painful, iron grip, I whimpered and wanted to slap myself for sounding so pathetic. "Who. Came. Into. My house?" He growled, finally looking like the creature he usually acted like, a rabid wolf.
My lips ran dry and I placed one hand over the wrist of the hand he was gripping me with. "I've been here alone, the whole day." I try to reassure, images of Emily's scared face flashing through my head. "I promise, no one came in here," I pause, recalling my nap, how long had that been? "None that I know of," I correct and force myself to look him in the eyes, although it feels strangely like how Sam would dominate us in the pack.
His lips curl and he yanks his hand out from under mine, his eyes ferocious and not seeming to notice my careful gaze, "Who was it? Don't lie to me, you reek,"
I recoil, my eyes widening and my mouth falling open. I can't explain it. How do I tell him that it was me? Instead I do the only thing I can, something I'd learned to do, been forced to do, since my first change. I submit. My knees buckle slightly, I'm not used to doing this as a human, it's easier as a wolf, but I bend them as far as I can, shrinking into myself and lowering my head. I become aware of the way Klaus' breathing stalls for a moment, how silence falls between us. He knows what I'm doing and I don't think he's used to this show of obedience and surrender. The kind of action you only give your alpha.
Then he turns and walks away, his back stiff. A sigh passes through my lips and I straighten slowly, watching him retreat to his study.
Why do I feel so empty?
Duck. Every time I think things are getting better, life bitch slaps and laughs at me. I hate life. I'll just live in FF and screw the real world.