A/N: Hello my little pretties! It's so good to see you all here today! To my new readers...very big hello! I got some polyvore sets and a playlist to go along with this chapter like always. Links are on my profile. Thanks to mamadog for pre reading and shadowed by passion for doing my beta work. Don't blame her if you see mistakes, I tweaked it a little after she sent me the edited copy!

Playlist:Breathing-Lifehouse, Lift Me Up-Christina Aguilera, Never Gonna Leave This Bed-Maroon5, Take Me As I Am- David Cook

Chapter 25

Bella

I heard an explosion of sound outside my door. Several sets of footsteps as they pounded up the stairs as Edward continued to bang on the door. He shouted at me over and over again. I could hear the excitement in his voice, the hope even. I sat in the window seat and asked myself, did I want him to hear me? Is that how he got inside my head after all of this time?

So often, I had things I wanted him to know and then again, almost as often I was glad he couldn't hear what I thought about him. It seemed like a double edged sword to us if he would have been able to get in my head all the time.

Now, the thought that I could release my hold, my guard…dare I even say, release my shield; to allow him in only when I wanted, well that buoyed my happiness. Because as much as my brain told me I should be unhappy about it, I still loved Edward Cullen with all of my heart. I still wanted him with every fiber of my being.

Would this new event help in our understanding of each other? If he could see into my mind, see how much I hurt for him all the time he was gone, would it help? If he could see the reasons for the tattoos and drinking, would that change about how he feels about me? Would he think I was weak for the way I dealt with the pain? Would he judge me because I was so small that I couldn't move on when a boy left me. Again…double edged sword!

How much did I tell him? How much was too much? I grabbed my chest and held the spot where my heart used to be; it hurt for some inexplicable reason. I had too much to take in to process it all right now.

I needed to hit something, to hit it hard.

I ran to the closet and dressed in yoga pants and a sports bra. I threw on some ridiculous tennis shoes and pulled my hair up in a pony tail. I still heard the mob of family members outside my door as they discussed me quietly. I laughed at them, I don't know why they thought that was enough anymore, but I guess old habits die hard.

I jerked the door open and they all turned to look at me. I saw admiration, pity, concern, hopefulness and lust.

Emmett whistled low and long at the skin I showed. It was the first time anyone other than Alice, Rose and Edward saw the tattoo. "Wow, Bells, hot!" Jasper snorted at Emmett and slapped his arm.

Carlisle spoke before anyone else could respond to Emmett. "Bella, are you okay?" The concern radiated from his and Esme's eyes.

"Yeah, I will be. I just…" I scratched my head and dug for the exact description to explain it. I settled for, "it's a lot to take in. The whole absence, thinking I had lost this, then the dramatic turn of events in Seattle, now this and him." I tilted my head towards Edward. He shoved his hands in his jean pockets and dropped his chin to his chest.

"Bella, this is a lot for both of you. I know that I am by no means, in the thick of things, but I know that this is new for both of you. You have to adjust to a lifestyle you have never lived before." Carlisle turned and waved a hand toward Edward. "He has to learn to think of someone else and include them in his decisions. He has lived a long time alone, and while that is not an excuse, it should help you understand how he could be in the habit of not consulting anyone else." He turned to glance at Edward and I assumed he was talking to him through his thoughts. Edward made no move at all. "I am selfish; I want my entire family to be happy and together. But I also know that this is for you and Edward to solve. My only concern now is how do you feel after letting Edward in?" The entire group seemed to step closer, as if they would have trouble in hearing what I had to say to Carlisle. I was thrilled that they cared, that it meant that much to them all.

"I feel tired, worn out, and sad, but I don't know if it's letting down my shield or…" as I tried to finish the sentence, Jasper whooped and hollered.

"I told you she was a shield, I knew it." He turned to Edward. "Can you hear her now?" Edward still gazed at the floor, but shook his head to indicate his answer to Jasper.

"I only heard her when she was in her room, when she cried out to me, not now though." His eyes met mine. They held his grief, his pain and showed how much my cry for help had affected him. To know that I needed him and he couldn't help me, that he hadn't reached a point in our relationship where I would trust him enough to help me. It obviously hurt him.

"Okay, I say we let these two work this out," Carlisle said as he ushered the others back down the stairs to other parts of the house before he turned back to look at me. "Bella, let's try to work on this soon and see the extent of your shield, when you feel like it, okay?" I nodded.

When Carlisle disappeared down the steps, I turned and walked back into my room. I flopped down on the window seat and called out to Edward. "Are you coming in?"

He didn't answer, but I heard the door close and the whisper of the carpet as he walked into the room. He sat in the chair furthest from me. I tilted my head to suggest he move closer. He did without even looking at me.

I didn't like seeing him broken and so scared. But this was about me; this was about what I needed and how to fix the damage that was caused to me. So I put his feeling aside for now.

We sat in silence for a long time. It wasn't as uncomfortable as I thought it would be. In fact, it almost seemed relaxed. We took the time to gather our thoughts, to form them into something that made sense before we spoke; instead of going off all half cocked and spouting out whatever came to mind. At least that is what I did; there was no telling what Edward did in the silence.

"You know, part of me wants to tell you how much I still love you and let this all go." His face rose at a rapid speed even for a vampire and his eyes lit up.

"Really?" His small whisper almost broke me.

I felt the words on the tip of my tongue. "Yeah, really. I never stopped loving you, ever. This distance is not a matter of me not loving you; it is a matter of me protecting myself from hurt. I can't survive you leaving again. Especially not now, now that everything I have ever wanted in life is so close." I turned back toward the window. "If it slipped away now, I would lose my mind with pain and longing."

He rushed to my side on his knees as he spoke. "I would never do that to you again. I know the pain and the hurt of being alone after being with you. You got under my skin so fast and it killed me each and every day I was away from you, I swear it." His hand slid across my leg and it still amazed me how his touch could set off sparks within my body. "I can't do that to you anymore. I couldn't do it to me either."

I nodded. I didn't know what I wanted to say, so again, I sat in silence. "How do I know that? I know you say the words, but you said them last time, how do I know it is different now?"

He turned his body and sat on the floor beside the window seat. The side of his head pressed against my thigh and his hand thrown up over his shoulder and across my shin. I was so encouraged that he wanted, maybe even needed, the contact with my body as much I as wanted or needed contact with him.

"Bella, back when I was human, well… men were supposed to know it all, and women were supposed to be treated with kid gloves. They were nice to look at, but they weren't supposed to give their opinions at all. Men did the thinking, not women." I dropped a hand on his shoulder and he began to rub small circles on the bare skin of my shin. "My mother was an accomplished woman. She knew so much and was capable of so much, but my father was trained to not see it. He saw her as a trophy; something he deserved or won, something that was pretty to look at on the mantle. I guess I was more like him than I thought." He sighed and drew in a deep breath as he continued. "I slipped back in that mind frame. I was wrong. I acted out of haste and fear. I should have spoke to you, at least sought your opinion on it. I know how wrong I was and how much it hurt us both." He turned his body and stared up at me from the floor. "Bella, I love you more than my own life; I swear this and I'll spend the rest of my time here on earth trying to prove it to you." He laid his head down against my leg when he finished. He almost looked like the words took too much out of him, like he was drained when he finished.

I pulled on his hand and he rose up to his knees. My body twisted and I pulled him in between my knees. It felt right with him there. His face was a few slight millimeters from mine, his nose almost brushed against mine. "We'll be fine, I just need time and you need to show me, prove those words you spoke are the truth that I can lean on."

"I will, I swear it." His sweet breath washed across me and I moaned before I could stop the sound. I was still a virgin and my experience was very limited, but he turned me on with his every move, his subtle smoothness, and certainly with his body.

"I just want to try one thing, be very still." I mimicked his words when he kissed me for the first time. I leaned the fraction of the inch and pressed my lips to his. He returned my kiss; every move of my lips was matched with his. His hands flew to my hips and I felt his thumb brush against the skin just above my pants. When I moaned, his grip tightened on my hips.

"Oh God, Bella. You're magnificent; I can't begin to tell you how good you feel." He moved and kissed the side of my jaw and then down to my neck. It all felt amazing. "I was so stupid to ever let you out of my sight. I should have changed you the first moment I could. That way I would have had you with me for all of eternity from the start." He placed open mouthed kisses along my neck and shoulders as he spoke. This allowed his breath to brush across the wet kisses he had left. I shivered and pulled him closer to me. "I can't be without you for the rest of my existence, I just can't." I pulled his face back to mine and kissed him on his lips.

My mouth opened against his and his tongue slid inside of my mouth. I was breathless and almost lightheaded with the sensation of it all. Edward's hand moved around and pressed against the naked flesh of my back to hold me close to him as we kissed.

Edward slowed our movements until it was just small pecks with our closed lips. "Bella, I want to do this the right way. You know me; I'm nothing if not traditional." I could only chuckle in response to him, because he was indeed as traditional as he could get.

"I know." The smile was so evident in my voice, even though his head was pressed against my shoulder, nestled into my hair.

"Why did you change clothes?" Edward asked.

"Actually, I took off the dress and threw on a sweater to relax around here. Then when I panicked and got upset, I wanted to go down and box with Emmett, so I put this on."

"Box, why?" Curiosity laced his voice as he asked.

"Well, as a human, the emotions and adrenaline are dealt with naturally. We cry, we yell, we scream and do all sorts of other things to rid ourselves of that. But as a vampire, we can't cry so it seemed that the one outlet that felt right, to rid myself of these emotions, was unavailable to me. So, I thought that if I worked out my anger then I would no longer feel the need to cry it out." I shrugged my shoulders. I didn't know if it made sense to him, but it made sense to me.

He tensed and pulled away as he took my hand. "Then let's go and box!" He pulled me out the door of my room and into his. He grabbed a pair of gym shorts and a pair of tennis shoes. A few moments later, he sauntered out of the bathroom dressed and prepared to box with me.

Several pairs of eyebrows rose as we move past them in the family room and out to the new space we had started. Rose and Emmett led the pack that immediately followed us. I wasn't surprised to see them or Jasper and Alice, but I was shocked to see Carlisle and Esme.

Carlisle threw up his hands and spoke. "I'm here to keep you two from killing each other." Emmett and Jasper both laughed at that statement. It was probably true yesterday, but not now that I knew he loved me. We just had a few details to work out and then we would be back to where we were before he left. All that was left now was for him to re-earn my trust.

A/N: I got your reviews and I want to say thanks, many more than I was expecting were on Bella's side! All for the same reasons...he shouldn't have decided for her and left her with no choice (to use his own words, LOL). Leave me some love let me know what you think is going to happen next, I love your theories!

Till next time...