"Nick. Nick."
Gabriel's voice. He sounded almost panicked. Hands
gripped Nick's shoulders, shaking him. "Come on, Nicky.
Please. Come on."
Nick couldn't remember how to open his eyes. It felt like he'd
been hit by a truck.
"No, you idiot," Gabriel said, that panic giving way to
choked relief. "You were hit by lightning."
Were his eyes open? He couldn't see anything. Was he talking?
"You're talking," said Gabriel. "Open your eyes."
He didn't want to open his eyes. The air was dancing on his
skin and it felt wonderful.
Dancing. Adam.
Nick wished he could apologize. He wished he could fix it.
"Come on, Nick," said Gabriel. "You're scaring me."
He was kind of scaring himself. He felt disconnected, like his
body ached, but he couldn't feel it yet.
Next time, he was so making Gabriel play bait.
Gabriel choked out a sound, half laugh, half sob. "I will, Nick.
I promise." It felt like he was patting Nick's cheek. "Come on.
Wake up."
Nick opened his eyes and looked at his brother.
Gabriel was kneeling there in the charred leaves and undergrowth,
holding him up against a tree, his eyes tense and worried.
Nick was struck with déjà vu. They'd been eight or nine, riding
bikes through the woods, jumping the creek the way they'd
done a thousand times. A storm had washed away part of the
creek walls, leaving the ground soft and muddy. Gabriel, in the
lead as usual, made the jump with little difficulty.
But his bike had made a rut. Nick's bike caught it and sank
into the mud, stuck. It had stopped. Nick hadn't. His head had
cracked into a tree.
He'd woken up just like this, staring into his twin brother's
panicked eyes.
"My bike broke," he mumbled now.
"Not this time." Gabriel smiled, but there was still a shadow
of worry behind it.
Of course he'd share the exact same memory at the exact
same moment.
"How do you feel?" said Gabriel.
"Oh. Stellar."
"No—I mean, can you walk?"
Nick thought about it. "Not yet."
Gabriel sighed, but he didn't let him go.
"Tyler?" said Nick.
"He ran," said Gabriel. His voice grew dark. "As soon as you
collapsed. If you think you can stay upright, I'm going to find
him and kill him."
Nick struggled to find his hands, and he grabbed Gabriel's
wrist. "No—no." He paused, trying to make his addled brain
sort out the evening's events. But one thing was clear—they'd
come here with the intent to out Tyler's abilities. Nick remembered
the power in the air, the way his fear had manifested itself
in damaging winds that attacked Tyler until fire consumed him.
He'd been the bully tonight. Not Tyler.
It should have been satisfying. It wasn't.
"Our fault," he said.
Gabriel shook his head. "My fault." He paused. "I should
have helped you."
SECRET 237
Now Nick remembered. His thoughts were straightening out,
finding true clarity. "You let him burn! You called lightning!
You let him—"
"I didn't call that lightning, Nick. He did." Gabriel looked
away. "I should have helped you before it got to that point."
Nick shoved his hands away. "Yeah, thanks. Thanks for
making me play bait, and forgetting to snap the trap."
"An hour ago you got all shitty because I wanted to defend
you! What the hell do you want from me, Nick? What?"
I want you to know what I want.
Nick put a hand against the ground and pushed himself to his
feet. He wavered for a second, but Gabriel didn't grab him.
He looked down at himself. Pieces of leaves clung to his
jeans, and his jacket was smudged with bits of soot where Tyler
had grabbed him, but really, he didn't look any the worse for
wear.
The air was happy he was awake. He felt better with every
breath, as if he inhaled pure power.
He started walking toward the car.
After a moment, Gabriel jogged to catch up with him.
"Give me the keys," he said. "You're in no shape to drive."
Nick wanted to protest, but his twin was probably right. He
pulled them out of his pocket and handed them over. He didn't
look at Gabriel when they climbed in to the car.
This whole evening hadn't solved anything. So Tyler was a
full Elemental. So what? When the next round of Guides came
to town, they could add him to the list. When Tyler came after
him again, he could mess with Nick all that much more effectively.
This sucked.
Nick pulled his cell phone out of his pocket to see if fate had
inspired Adam to send him a message.
Fate told him to go to hell. The phone was completely dead.
Either the lightning had killed the battery, or it had killed the
phone completely.
Great. Nick slammed it into the center console.
238 Brigid Kemmerer
The tension in the car was thicker now than when they'd first
left the house. Nick's skin crawled with it.
After a few minutes, Gabriel pulled his phone out of his
pocket and held it out. "Here. Use mine."
Yeah, right. Nick shook his head.
His brother sighed and shoved it back in his pocket.
Silence again. This time, more strained than before, if that
was possible. The temperature in the car dropped ten degrees.
Nick was almost shaking with the effort of sitting here calmly.
"Fuck this," said Gabriel. He yanked the wheel abruptly,
sending them careening into a parking lot along Ritchie Highway.
By some miracle, they avoided striking a parked car.
"Are you insane?" Nick grabbed the handle over the door.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"Parking." Gabriel jerked the car into a parking place in
front of a coffee shop. It wasn't Starbucks, but instead a huge
café with leather couches and oak tables and hot sandwiches.
Nick had brought a girl here once. After a movie or something.
He couldn't remember her name. Tonight, it was packed.
"What are we doing here?" Nick said.
Gabriel kept his eyes on the windshield. He didn't say anything
for a long moment. "I can't do this, Nick. I know—" His
voice caught, and he took a second to get it together before continuing.
"I know I deserve it. After keeping the fires from you.
But this—this doesn't feel like something you're doing." He
peeked over at Nick.
Nick couldn't move. He couldn't even look at his brother.
"What happened last night?" Gabriel said. "When you were
talking to Hunter?"
Nick's head snapped to the side. Gabriel was referring to
whatever had led to Nick looking like a hot mess on the stairs,
but all Nick heard were Gabriel's words. My brother has
enough freaks pining after him.
He must have looked fierce because Gabriel put his hands up.
"I don't want to fight with you," Gabriel said. "Christ—I don't
even know why we are fighting."
SECRET 239
Nick swallowed and looked at the windshield.
"You don't have to tell me," Gabriel said after a minute. "I—
I wish I knew why you won't."
It sounded like it cost him something to say that.
"I want to tell you," said Nick.
The words fell out of his mouth almost against his will.
And as soon as he said them, he realized how true they were.
He wanted to tell Gabriel about Adam. He told his brother
everything, and now he felt more strongly about another human
being than he ever had, and he couldn't breathe a word about it.
The mental strife was choking him.
No, the terror of losing his brother was choking him.
But wasn't he doing that anyway?
I can't do this, Nick.
Nick couldn't, either. He cleared his throat and nodded at the
front of the café. "I probably should have picked coffee when
you suggested it earlier."
"Pick coffee now."
Sit. Talk to me. That's what his brother was saying.
Nick took a breath. He nodded. "Okay."
The café had looked crowded from the parking lot, and getting
up close to the front door confirmed it. Every table seemed
occupied, but the line for the register wasn't too long.
Still, someplace this packed wouldn't exactly be conducive to
the kind of discussion Nick had in mind.
Then again, Gabriel probably wouldn't flip out in the middle
of a crowd of people.
"We can come back out here to sit," said Gabriel. "Plenty of
room."
Nick looked at him. It was barely forty-five degrees, so all the
tables were deserted. But sitting in the fresh air would help—
Gabriel knew that. This was an olive branch.
"It's not too cold?"
Gabriel dropped into one of the wire chairs in front of the
restaurant. "Nah. I'll hold the table so we don't have to play the
twin game."
240 Brigid Kemmerer
Meaning the thirty-eight thousand questions they encountered
when seen in public together. Nick smiled, though it felt
uncertain. "All right."
He waited in line inside the warm bustle of the restaurant,
wondering if this was an olive branch, too: Gabriel giving him
time to think.
And he needed time to think.
Nerves made him jittery. What if his brother walked away?
What if he said he wasn't okay with it?
Creepy. Freak.
Nick ran a hand through his hair and told himself to calm
down.
Maybe he should lead off with Adam. So . . . I've met someone.
It's new, and it's special, but . . . it's a guy.
Maybe not.
I know you're worried about Quinn, but we're not really together.
No, not since she caught me kissing a guy.
Ugh. This was horrible.
I've been lying to you for years.
Sure.
The line inched along. An older couple came in and got in
line behind him.
Nick took another slow breath. Maybe this would be like it
had been with Michael. Maybe it would be okay. Awkward at
first, but . . . okay.
No, Gabriel was nothing like Michael. Gabriel would have a
reaction.
Who do you think the hottest person in the restaurant is?
Then Gabriel would pick some girl, and Nick could pick the
busboy who looked a little like Adam.
Jesus, he sounded like a frigging moron. These were the best
ideas his brain could come up with? No wonder he was failing
physics.
Some girls came in, giggling and jostling each other as they
moved to the end of the line. He could smell their perfume from
here, bubblegum sweet. Nick ignored them, shifting forward
one place when the line moved.
SECRET 241
But then he caught the tail end of what one girl was saying. ". . .
out front look like they're gonna fight."
Fight. A word practically synonymous with Gabriel.
Nick turned. The lights inside made it difficult to make out
what was going on behind the glass, but he could see his brother's
form. He looked like he was talking to someone.
Then Nick saw the shove, hard enough to make the other
person fall back.
Nick swore and gave up his place in line. Had Tyler followed
them here somehow?
But then he got close enough to the glass storefront to make
out Gabriel's opponent.
Adam.
Nick's heart tripped and stalled in his chest. He couldn't remember
how to breathe. He couldn't remember how to move.
How had this happened?
Adam had his hands up. He looked agitated, but he didn't
want to fight.
Gabriel shoved him anyway. Adam fell back another step.
That forced Nick's feet into motion. He needed to stop this.
Now.
Cold air hit him in the face, carrying Gabriel's voice, low and
angry. "What the fuck do you mean, you're sorry about last
night? What are you doing to my brother?"
"Stop!" Nick said. Neither paid attention to him.
"It's a misunderstanding," said Adam, his voice careful.
Gabriel shoved him again, harder. "A misunderstanding?"
Adam fell back, but he kept his hands up. "Yeah." Now his
voice was edged with anger. "Just calm down."
"Calm down? You want me to calm down?" Gabriel shoved
him again.
Adam gave up the surrender position and shoved him back.
Gabriel drew back an arm to hit him.
Nick didn't even remember moving. He had a hold of
Gabriel's arm and he was driving him back, until his twin hit the
cinder block wall of the shopping center.
"Don't you touch him," he said fiercely. He might have been
242 Brigid Kemmerer
yelling. He gave Gabriel a shove against the wall for good measure.
"You hear me? You keep your hands off him."
Gabriel's eyes were wide. Their breathing was loud, putting
twin puffs of steam between them. Time seemed to hold still.
Nick kept seeing Gabriel's fist drawn back, ready to smash
into Adam's jaw. Nick wanted to slam him into the wall again.
For the first time in his life, he wouldn't back down from his
brother for anything.
Gabriel's eyes went from Nick to Adam and back.
Then he coiled all his strength to throw Nick off.
Nick had leverage—and while he couldn't fight like Gabriel,
he was every bit as strong. He slammed him back into the wall.
Harder this time. Gabriel's head hit the cinder block.
"Hey. Hey." Adam put a hand on Nick's arm. "Take it easy,"
he said quietly. "Let him go. It's a misunderstanding."
Nick looked across into his brother's eyes. He saw the exact
moment when Gabriel put two and two together.
And Nick waited for his brother to swallow the aggression,
to be decent, to take this horrible moment and make everything
okay.
But Gabriel's expression turned dark and furious. "So is this
part of your big secret, Nicky?"
If he'd just said the words, Nick wouldn't have cared.
But Gabriel said it in a high-pitched mocking lisp.
Nick couldn't see through the rage. He lifted a fist to swing.
And that was all Gabriel needed. He twisted free of Nick's
grip and ducked under the flying fist.
Nick's hand cracked into the cinder block wall.
Then Gabriel's hand cracked into his face.
For the second time in one night, Nick went down.
And suddenly, they had a crowd. An older man was in front
of Gabriel, blocking him, his hands up. "Take a walk, son. Take
a walk. Cool off."
Nick saw stars and tasted blood. He couldn't feel his fingers
yet. He started to get to his feet, but Adam grabbed his arm and
held him there.
"Don't get up," he said. "Let him walk away."
SECRET 243
Gabriel watched this, clear derision in his expression. "You
don't have to hold him," he snapped. "Nick will stay down."
"Walk," ordered the older man. "Or we're calling the cops."
He paused. "Now."
For an instant, Nick thought Gabriel would shove past the
guy. The air held so much violent potential.
But then his twin brother turned and walked away. No parting
words, no final epithets. Just measured steps along the sidewalk,
across the stretch of road, before giving way to a car door
slamming.
And then the rumble of an engine. He was leaving.
Nick was distantly aware that his breath was shaking. And
now he could feel pain roaring into his fingers. Not to mention
his face.
What just happened?
Adam was pulling at his arm now, gently. "Come on. Can
you stand?"
He could stand. They tried to get him to go back in the
restaurant, but Nick didn't want all those eyes on him.
But Adam insisted on sitting down, so Nick dropped into one
of the metal chairs out front, the one closest to the shadows of
the next storefront.
The man who'd gotten in front of Gabriel turned out to be
the café owner. He brought them each a cup of coffee and a bag
of ice for Nick.
Nick was shocked this guy wasn't calling the cops anyway.
Nick had been the one to shove Gabriel into the wall.
"I'm sorry for disrupting your night," Adam said to him.
"You didn't do anything," the man said. "The girls inside
said that other boy started it." He tsked. "Shame there are still
such closed-minded people picking fights about this kind of
thing. You're lucky your . . . friend was here to stop him."
"I know I am," said Adam.
"You sure you boys won't come inside? I'm worried he'll
come back."
Had the man not noticed they were twins? That this wasn't
244 Brigid Kemmerer
some random hate crime? Maybe it was too dark. Maybe it had
happened too fast.
Nick cleared his throat. "He's my brother. He won't come
back."
Those words hung in the air for a moment.
"We'll be all right," said Adam.
And then they were alone.
Nick hadn't touched the ice, but Adam sat in the opposite
metal chair and reached for it. Then he put the bag against
Nick's face.
And Nick was struck with an entirely different sort of déjà
vu. A different night, a different fight, but Adam's hand holding
an ice bag just like this.
Back then, Nick had leapt out of his chair to kiss him. Now,
he wasn't sure what to do. About any of it.
"Would you rather put this on your hand?" Adam said.
Nick tried to categorize his injuries and came up with nothing.
He couldn't think past his brother's angry eyes and the fight
and the way he'd walked off.
And what he'd said.
It hurt. It hurt more than anything physical.
Nick swallowed and shook his head.
They sat there for the longest time in the darkness, breathing
the same air. The pain began to fade from Nick's hand as his element
worked its magic.
Nick almost wished it wouldn't. This he wanted to remember
for a while.
When he finally spoke, his voice was rough. "Did he hurt you?"
"No." Adam looked chagrined. "And I shouldn't have
shoved him. But he kept pushing me, and there's only so much
of that big-dumb-straight-boy crap that I can put up with. Especially
since . . . you know."
Nick did know. And if Gabriel had hurt Adam . . . Nick wasn't
sure what he would have done.
But he'd felt a glimmer of it when he was slamming Gabriel
into that wall.
SECRET 245
He pulled the ice bag away from his face and set it on the
table. "I'm sorry that he—that he—"
"It's not your fault." Adam touched his cheek, and his hand
was warm. Nick shut his eyes and leaned into the contact. He
felt the pain, but it was worth it.
He opened his eyes. "Then I'm sorry for what I did. Last
night."
Adam nodded and withdrew his hand, reaching for the ice
pack again. "I am, too." He glanced up, and the slightest bit of
rueful humor slid into his voice. "In fact, I was trying to apologize
to you fifteen minutes ago. I didn't realize that when you said
identical twin, you weren't kidding about the identical part."
Nick frowned. "Only on the outside." Then he remembered
the whole reason for the apology, and he looked away, ashamed.
"Usually."
"No, what you did was nothing like what he did." Adam
caught his eye and held it. "Don't get me wrong. What you did
was not okay."
"I know."
"I know you know. That's why I'm sitting here."
"How did you know I'd be here?"
Adam picked up Nick's hand and held the ice against his
knuckles. He looked sheepish. "I didn't. I came here to avoid
you. I figured you usually go to the Starbucks down the road."
He paused, then rubbed at the back of his neck. "I needed to
grab a cup of coffee on the way to my parents', because I told
them I'd stop by tonight. Then I saw you—well, your brother—
sitting there, and I . . . ah, well, I couldn't go another minute
without talking to you."
Nick studied him. The lighting was dim, but . . . "You're
blushing!"
Adam looked away. "Yeah, yeah."
"But you wouldn't respond to my texts!"
"Well, I couldn't let you think you got off that easy."
"Oh, I get it. So you've been torturing me." But Nick smiled.
"Absolutely. And torturing myself at the same time." Adam
slid his phone out of his pocket and snapped a picture.
246 Brigid Kemmerer
"Oh, good," said Nick. "This is a moment I want a record of."
"You don't smile enough. That makes them meaningful." He
paused, then turned the phone around so Nick could see. His
voice lost any humor. "I should send this to your brother."
Nick glanced at it. A bruise was already forming on his
cheek, more obvious because of the flash in the darkness.
He reached out and pushed the button to make the phone go
dark. Gabriel's mocking voice was a never-ending echo in his
head; he didn't need to see the evidence of physical aggression
on top of it. Such a contrast to that moment in the car, when
Nick had realized how badly he wanted to share this with his
brother.
Or that moment in the woods. Gabriel's voice, tight with
panic. Come on, Nicky. Please. You're scaring me.
Or the thousand moments before that. A lifetime of memories
with his twin brother, undone in an instant.
You don't have to hold him. Nick will stay down.
"Okay," said Adam softly. "Okay. Come on."
It was only then that Nick realized his breath was shaking
and his eyes had filled. Adam's fingers wrapped around his good
hand and tugged. Nick allowed himself to be led.
When he was sure his voice wouldn't break, he said, "Where
are we going?"
"Bus stop. My place?"
Nick nodded. He certainly couldn't go home.
If he was being strictly honest with himself, he was afraid to
go home.
God, he was such a wuss.
But when they were on the near-empty bus, sharing a bench
at the back of the vehicle, Adam leaned into him and spoke quietly.
"When you pushed him away from me—that was the
bravest thing I've ever seen."
Nick scoffed, but Adam put a finger over his lips. "It was.
For me, it was. Take it or leave it."
Nick took it.