March 1995-May 1995
She had decided to try again. Years earlier, she had applied for a job at BCBG with help from Brian but that interview had flopped. She had completely bombed the interview, not knowing what to say or do but she decided maybe it was time to try again. She had officially been a waitress for six months. She was absorbing her big city life and now maybe she would try to step into fashion again and when she got an interview for an Assistant Buyer at Saks Fifth Avenue, she felt it was absolutely perfect for her and what made it even more perfect was that the Assistant Buyer position at Saks was Brian's old job. He had been the assistant buyer at Saks and she felt the fact that she had gotten an interview must have had something to do with fate or some unknown helping hand.
She desperately wanted that job but there was the interview. She remembered how terrified she had been the first time, how she had sweat so profusely, she had felt a puddle forming around her so the night before the interview, over a poker game with the others, they helped her prep the best they could.
"Okay, tell me about trends in fashion," Monica said, grabbing a potato chip from a bowl and dipping in some salsa before eating it.
"I can….okay...I um...flannel….there is a lot flannel. I see that and-and-yeah-flannel is awesome and-okay-the trends that I see in fashion... move towards more comfortable attire such as flannel and overalls and-and-high waisted jeans and everything goes in circles and-"
"And if you answer like that, you're golden," Chandler joked. Rachel glared at him as she grabbed a napkin and threw it at him.
"What did you do for your BCBG interview? How did you prepare for that?" Ross asked.
"Brian helped...a little. He-I don't know-he got me the interview and-and-I just-I hate interviews," Rachel whined.
"How did you get the job at Central Perk?" Monica asked.
"I wore a low cut top and a waitress quit as I was interviewing," Rachel said.
"Well, let's just hope you're that lucky," Chandler said.
"Rachel, calm down….look, they're just as interested in you as you are in them," Joey said.
"Yeah. and you have more experience now. You're a waitress," Phoebe said.
"I hope so...oh, I want it and it was Brian's old job. This has to mean something...I mean, Pheebs, you're into all that universe and sign crap, doesn't me interviewing for Brian's old job mean something?"
"Kind of….it is strange," Phoebe said.
"Or it could mean, if you take it, you'll die," Joey mused looking at his cards. Rachel, as well as the rest of the group, stared at him with disgusted looks on their faces. Joey looked up, "what?"
"Too soon, Joe. It will always be too soon," Rachel said. "Oh and he took me to New York Fashion Week. I remember that….and he took me to the after parties. What if I get the job and I can take myself to New York Fashion Week and go to the after parties. Those after parties were amazing."
"I used to go to those," Joey said. "They were like in lofts and crap."
"How? How did you get in?" Rachel asked.
"I'm an actor and I used to hook up with a bunch of models that walked those shows," Joey said.
"Hmmmm…..if I get this is a job….maybe this is a sign. It's my turn, right? I hope."
Rachel let out a sigh, she desperately wanted this. She wanted to step back into fashion and it just seemed to be the perfect fit, the universe was stepping in. That was what she wanted more than anything. She would walk in the way she had before, with confidence. She did have a little more experience.
The next day, she walked into Saks and waited. The woman she interviewed with was tall and blonde, her name was Jessica Robbins and she greeted Rachel with a big smile. The interview was actually surprisingly easy. She didn't feel nervous, more like she was talking to an old friend, They discussed clothes, life and Rachel felt comfortable enough to let Jessica know she knew someone who had once worked there.
"You knew Brian?" Jessica asked.
"Hey….he was one of my best friends and I know he used to be an assistant buyer here and…"
"He was so good. Such a shame. Oh, you know what...his boyfriend still works here. You want to meet him?" Jessica asked.
"I'd love to," Rachel said as she and Jessica got up and walked out of Jessica's office towards a cubicle at the back of the office. She noticed a young man sitting in front of a computer. He was handsome with brown hair, black glasses and a thin frame.
"Dan?" Jessica asked.
"Yeah?" Dan responded turning to look at Rachel and Jessica.
"This is Rachel Green, she's applying for the Assistant Buyer position. She was friends with Brian," Jessica said.
"Oh my G-d, the Rachel Green?" Dan got up and immediately hugged Rachel.
"Yes. Did he mention me?" Rachel asked.
"He loved you. You dated his brother?" Dan asked.
"Yeah, we broke up though...and I'm so glad to meet you," Rachel said.
"You were the one who found him, right? Dan asked.
"Yeah," Rachel said.
"I'm sorry," Dan said, hugging her again.
"That's okay and I'm sorry too," Rachel said.
"She has to work here," Dan said. Jessica just grinned and after finishing her conversation with Dan, Jessica continued to introduce Rachel around the office and she left that interview feeling confident, she felt there was no reason she wouldn't get the job. All the stars were aligned in her favor, everything lining up perfectly.
Which is why it made no sense when a few days later, during poker with the rest of the group, she got a call saying she did not get the job. She didn't get it. It was Brian's old job. The interview had gone well, how did she not get it. Maybe she had read the signs wrong. It made no sense. Maybe the message was she wasn't supposed to be working in fashion? She wasn't sure what it meant but maybe she did need to give up.
After the poker and some more hanging out, Rachel retreated to her room still heartbroken over not getting that job. She pulled out out her box of mementos as well as one of her sketchpads and began looking at them when there was a knock. She looked up to see Monica standing in the doorway with the box of Twinkies.
"Twinkie talk?" Rachel asked as Monica walked towards the bed and handed her a Twinkie. Monica grabbed one for herself and picked up one of the sketchpads.
"What is this?" Monica asked.
"Oh," Rachel said, grabbing the sketchpad,"I never told you this….did I? I used to...draw clothes….it's silly."
"Can I see?" Monica asked.
"It's dumb."
"Can I see it anyway?" Monica asked. Rachel handed it to her and Monica began to look through the pages, stopping on the outfits.
"Ugly, right?"
"No...no...Rachel, I like these. A lot."
"Mon."
"Would I lie to you?"
"No, you wouldn't," Rachel said, getting off her bed and walking towards her closet and grabbing a big, black canvas bag. She opened it and began looking through it. She kept all of her old sketchpads in it. The ones she had done when she was younger. She grabbed one and walked back to the bed where she sat down and began to look through the pages until she found what she was looking for.
"Is that me?" Monica asked, looking at the drawing Rachel had done years ago of Monica in the Bat Mitzvah dress she would have wanted to see Monica in.
"Yeah….I…I loved what you wore to your Bat Mitzvah but I sketched a dress that I thought you should have worn."
"I would have loved this."
"Doesn't really matter anyway. I'll be a waitress."
"Rachel, you have to pursue this."
"Why?" Rachel asked. "I did. That interview? Mon...I could have done that and well and...and all the signs were there. It was Brian's old job I was interviewing for."
"You will get there. Do not give up."
"I wanted it so bad."
"I know. Look, you've only been in the city for six months. You're still new to all of this and I am so proud of you. Brian would be proud of you and I love these sketches. I'm not letting you give up on yourself. You're working so hard."
"Yeah," Rachel said letting out a sigh as she picked up a stack of pictures from her box of memories. She began to look through them, they were pictures from New York Fashion Week. She stopped at one from the after party they had gone to and stared at it. As she looked at it closely, she noticed something or more importantly, someone in the background. That afterparty, cute actor guy had hit on her….a cute actor guy who now looked strangely familiar. "Oh my G-d."
"What?"
"Look at this picture," Rachel said, handing the photo to Monica.
"Cute. You and Brian and-"
"Look in the background," Rachel said, pointing. Monica looked and suddenly, her mouth dropped. Rachel grabbed the picture back and immediately raced into the guys apartment where Chandler and Joey were sitting on the couch watching a VHS tape of Baywatch together. Rachel walked towards Joey and dropped the picture on his lap. Joey picked it up.
"What?" Joey asked.
"Look in the background. Do you see someone who looks familiar?" Rachel asked. Joey looked at it and then stared at Rachel.
"We were at the same party?"
"Oh my G-d….you hit on me at that party."
"I did. You were there-"
"With Brian."
"I had just gotten back from Los Angeles."
"Oh my G-d….that's….oh, we knew each other," Rachel said.
"So...how you doin'?" Joey asked.
"Really?" Rachel asked, shaking her head as she grabbed the photo back. She stared at it, still smiling. That night had been such an incredible night. She loved the shows, watching the fashion.
"What are you thinking about?" Monica asked.
"How much fun that night was. I loved sitting there and watching the shows and going to the after party where Joey hit on me," Rachel said.
"So maybe you shouldn't give up," Monica said.
"You're giving up?" Joey asked.
"I don't know," Rachel said.
"Well, that's dumb," Chandler mused.
"Thank you," Rachel said.
"What? Don't give up. That's dumb. You didn't get one job….there will be others," Chandler said.
"You're paying your dues," Monica said, putting her arm around Rachel to comfort her.
"I'm paying my dues," Joey said.
"No, dude...I'm paying your dues," Chandler said which made Rachel laugh as she looked back at the picture. She wanted a fashion show, she wanted to see her clothes on the runway. It had always been her dream, her secret dream. She had told Brian that, she had wanted to be surrounded by fashion and it pained her that she did not get that job. She thought she would have gotten it but maybe Monica was right, she had a few more dues to pay.
And she continued to pay them, day after day, serving coffee and dreaming. She would look at the customers she served and in her head, she would correct their outfits. Her days were spent walking around, talking to others and imagining herself doing anything else. She was thrilled when the rest of the group would come by to keep her company. It was always the highlight of her day but the one she didn't expect was Mindy. It was now early April when Mindy stopped by, eager to talk to her so Rachel decided to take a break. The two sat on the orange couch and Mindy seemed quite nervous until she spit it out that she wanted Rachel to be her Maid of Honor. Mindy was now engaged…..to Barry.
"What?" Rachel asked, not quite sure she was hearing her correctly.
"Can you be my Maid of Honor?"
"Okay, do you hear what you're asking me?"
"Yes."
"You know what you're asking?"
"Yes."
"You want me to be your Maid of Honor at the wedding between you and my ex-fiancee?"
"I was your Maid of Honor?"
"Totally different."
"Rachel."
"Why me? Why not Sharon or Nancy? They've known you as long as I have….longer, right? Didn't you guys go to nursery school together?"
"Yeah but...okay, after you left...after that lunch? Our group imploded," Mindy said.
"What?"
"Nancy starting dating some old guy and she doesn't talk to us and Melissa no longer speaks to us and Sharon moved to Texas with some guy and...I have no one and I know it's strange and…"
"You're marrying my ex-fiancee. Barry and I broke up seven months ago."
"I know...hey, it's not like you were faithful either. I mean, Vegas," Mindy said.
Rachel's eyes widened as she looked towards the door and back at Mindy, "we do not mention that here and that's not the point….I was wasted and it was clearly a one night stand. You and Barry started a relationship while I was still with him."
"Rachel, please."
"Our group imploded?"
"Yeah," Mindy said.
Rachel let that sink in and a smile appeared on her face. She didn't mean to smile, it just appeared. Mindy took notice.
"That makes you happy?" Mindy asked.
"No….well...it proves my point. Our group...we sucked as friends."
"Maybe...just-"
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"I'll be your Maid of Honor."
"Oh, thank you," Mindy said as she leaned into hug Rachel. As they separated, Rachel looked at her, concerned.
"Does Barry know you're asking me this?"
"Yeah….he thinks it's crazy."
"I have to agree."
"Just….there's no one left."
Rachel nodded as she and Mindy hugged again. She would have to talk to Barry. She wanted to get his take and let him know what had happened. She had a lot to tell him.
After her shift, she took a cab to Long Island to go to Barry's office and was happy when he took a break to talk to her. She walked into his office and the two stared awkwardly at each other, after all they had not seen each other in seven months.
"You're engaged," Rachel said.
"I am."
"Congrats. I'm Mindy's Maid of Honor."
"It's strange."
"Wow...you definitely moved on quickly."
"Rach."
"No, no...it's okay….guess I'm easy to get over."
"No, you're not."
"That's sweet. You know, I applied for a job at Sacks as an Assistant Buyer. Brian's old job."
"They never filled it?"
"No, they did….that person left but um...I didn't get it."
"I'm sorry."
"I guess I'm still paying my dues...but good job on getting married."
"Rachel….I miss you."
"Barry."
"I do. I miss you. I mean, Mindy is great but she's not you."
Rachel let out a sigh as she walked towards Barry. She gave him a hug and he hugged back. She missed him too. She missed how safe it was with him, nothing was safe now. Her new world was filled with new moments, new fears, new adventures. Barry had been her comfort zone, her way back. No matter what she tried, she had a net, she had Barry to catch her. Maybe it was the sadness she still felt from not getting that job, maybe it was the sadness that knowing the door on her relationship with Barry was officially closed but before she knew it, they were kissing. It felt so familiar to kiss Barry, so sweet and lovely but then she remembered. He was engaged to her best friend. He had moved on and so had she and she was now being the other woman. She had to stop the kissing. She gasped and stepped back.
"No, no, Barry….this isn't good."
"What? I made out with Mindy when I was with you."
"Hmmm, yeah….no….I can't. I'm sorry. I'll still be at your wedding but I can't...I'll see you around, Barry," Rachel said as she walked out of the office. She started to feel bad for Mindy. She wondered if Mindy knew what kind of person Barry was but she figured maybe she did, after all Mindy had been the other woman in her relationship with Barry.
When she returned to Central Perk, she noticed Chandler sitting on the couch reading so she plopped down next to him. He looked at her as she stared at him.
"What?"
"I am Mindy's Maid of Honor."
"That's weird," Chandler said.
"I know. Barry and I kissed in office."
"That's weird too. Why did you do that?"
"Do you think I made a mistake? Walking out of my wedding, leaving….I mean, I've been here for seven months and I...I'm still waitressing."
"You're starting over. Look, were you happy in that old life?"
"No...but it was safe."
"But this is fun."
"Yeah."
"You'll make it."
"You think so?"
"I know so."
"Thanks and no, I know I did the right thing...I just-"
"You just wanted that job," Chandler said.
"I did and Barry is moving on….quickly. I just…"
"It will happen."
Rachel smiled as Chandler gently squeezed her knee to comfort her. She let out a sigh as she stared off into space. She just wanted things to move forward. She wanted things to change for her, she just wanted to no longer be a waitress.
She would be turning twenty five that May and she felt rather sad. She felt stuck. She had thought she would be farther along but she wasn't. She had not gotten that job and hadn't applied to anything else yet, Barry was getting married and she was starting to doubt herself. Had she made the right decision?
Big changes were also happening got the rest of the group. That May, Ross' son was born. He was a father. Carol had given birth to Ben. Rachel had tried to flirt with the doctor who had helped Carol give birth but that didn't go anywhere and she began to get restless again. A few days after Ben's birth, she and Ross met up for lunch by the museum in what had become a tradition for the two. Mexican food and margaritas. Ross kept talking about Ben and she wanted to listen, but her mind kept wandering. As they walked off their Mexican food, she was barely paying attention.
"You alright, Rach?"
"Yeah….just sad. I'm gonna be twenty five in a few weeks and I feel like I've accomplished nothing."
"Seriously?"
"You're a dad. Barry's getting married. I didn't get a job that I so wanted and...I mean, I gave everything up and I'm getting no reward."
"You will. You've made so many changes…you've….you're a different person."
"Hmmm….oh," Rachel said, stopping in front of a store front. She looked at a brooch in a store window. It reminded her of a pin her grandmother had that she had loved. She remembered her grandmother being her biggest fan, encouraging her, pushing her. She didn't see her grandmother a lot but when she did, it warmed every part of her and that pin in the window reminded her of her grandmother, of the encouragement and love. She mentioned it to Ross who just seemed to be listening to her. She let out a sigh though, it wasn't like she could afford to buy it for herself anyway.
By the time her twenty fifth birthday arrived, Rachel was sufficiently depressed even though Monica did try to cheer her up. She had decided to do a barbeque for Rachel's birthday. She invited the others although Ross had to go to China for work so it would just be herself, Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Joey. It was a smaller birthday than she'd been used to as well. When she was twenty, she had spent it flying to Paris. Her twenty first was spent in Vegas and her twenty second birthday was spent in Spain. She had been proposed to on her twenty third birthday. Her twenty fourth birthday had been relatively low key with just dinner with family and friends and now her twenty fifth was spent eating burgers in her apartment. It felt sad to her, she wanted a change. She wanted big things for her twenty fifth year.
Thanks to Chandler, she might get that chance. She was opening gifts when Chandler let it slip. She had always known Ross' feelings or at least a little. She never knew how deep they ran until she opened Ross' gift and her breath was taken away by his gift to her. He had bought her that pin and then came Chandler's comment about how Ross had once gotten a ridiculously expensive crystal duck for Carol because he loved Carol so deeply. Rachel kept staring at the pin. Ross really did have feelings for her that ran so deep. She did like him, she always liked him but staring at that pin, she began to wonder if she could like him more than just in that friend way. Maybe for her twenty fifth birthday she could give herself a gift, looking at Ross a little differently. It could be a change, a new adventure…..a risk but maybe it was a risk worth taking?