Episode 23 The Rejected Devils

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Nothing but dusty wasteland everywhere you looked. Plain, empty, dusty, suck ass desert. Freddy lowered the brim of his hat and tried to sleep as their old Winnebago sped down a dusty patch of highway. Fucking great, he thought dangerously, I finally get a semi normal vacation, and it's in the middle of hell. Lovely.

"Well I think that it's snazzy." Ghostface piped up. Freddy gritted his teeth.

"What did I say a few miles back, fuck face?"

Ghostface didn't answer immediately. "Umm...not to hear your thoughts."

"Then why the fuck are you listening to them, you asshole?!"

"I'm sorry! I thought that-wait a second, Kruger. I'm not 'listening' to them, I'm hearing them and not tuning them out."

Freddy reached over and slapped Ghostface right in the face. "I shit on your mother's grave last night, fucker!"

Hey, hey! Jason thought from the passengers seat, Watch the mommy talk, Kruger.

Michael just sighed and gripped the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles turned white. I swear to fucking God-

"What Myers?" Freddy asked as he unbuckled his seatbelt and leaned in close to Michael. He said mockingly, "Whadda doin', fucker? Talking shit? Fuck you!"

They all stared at him. "What?" he asked.

"What's with you suddenly calling everyone 'fucker'?"

Freddy shrugged and plopped back down in his seat. "I dunno. It's just somethin' that I feel like fuckin' doin you fucking fucker. Now fuck off before I fuckin' break out a can of Tootie Fuckin' Fruity on your sorry ass."

They were all silent as Freddy turned and stared out the van's window. Finally Ghostface asked, "What the hell, Kruger? What is a Tootie Fuckin' Fruity?"

Well what's a Jeepers Creepers? Michael asked. We still haven't figured that one out yet.

Michael shut up, drive and stop ripping holes in the plot; Kruger buckle up your seatbelt, shut your mouth and keep your thoughts to yourself. Ghostface...well, why don't you just go jump in a lake?

Michael sighed calmly and nodded. Yeah. That's what I gotta do. Just keep my eyes on the road...no more stress in my life, not anymore. No sir, none of that for me.

"Hey, freak show! The hockey puck said to keep your fucking eyes on the road!" Freddy yelled from the backseat.

Oh my God, oh my good God. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to utterly butcher him...

"Ah, you couldn't kill a kitten if you wanted, you pussy." Freddy said as he began to scratch on the window with his claws.

A horrible screeching sound filled the van and everyone covered their ears. "What the...Kruger stop it!"

"Make me!"

Ghostface looked from Freddy to the window and began to whine, "Jaaaaaaaason!"

WHAT?!

"Freddy keeps annoying me!"

Well why don't you just ignore him?

"Because I can't or-"

Suddenly the van came to an abrupt stop. Once the dust had cleared a house came into clear view. The yard was laden with all kinds of junk and there were empty beer bottles littered the ground, and within a matter of seconds a number of police cars sped past them, up the driveway, and police men hopped out and aimed their guns at the seemingly lifeless house.

"What the fuck? Why did you stop the van?" Freddy asked as he started to get out. Ghostface caught him and pulled him back in the van a second before the first shot rang out. It shattered a window and was followed by numerous other shots, both coming from the police officers and the inside of the house itself.

They all stared at the gunfight until a bullet crashed through the van's front window. Michael gasped and thought, Get down!

For what seemed like minutes they were all hiding flat on the floor of the van but soon the gunfire ceased. "What the fu-um...hell was that?" Ghostface asked.

Jason dared to raise his head a little and look out of the shattered window. I don't know but I just pray that it didn't have anything to do with (A) Chainsaws or (B)Anything involving leather or faces.

They were all silent for a second then Freddy asked what everyone was thinking, "So...who's going out first?"

Depends on who we can afford to lose the most. Michael thought, staring right at Freddy.

"Why me?"

Because I don't like you.

Just as Freddy opened his mouth to say something particular nasty, Jason interrupted. Well I think that we should keep Kruger because since his body has already been set on fire, if we ever get stranded without food he'll already be cooked. We need Michael because he's the only one who knows how to drive the Winnebago-

"Right. And I love how you totally forget the time that I had to drive us away from Leatherface while Myers was passed out in the back. Real nice." Freddy said bitterly. Everyone ignored him.

-and obviously we should keep me because I'm just awesome. That only leaves Ghostface.

Ghostface looked at the other three and asked nervously, "B...but why me?"

"Because we hate you. And you're the second biggest prick here."

"Who's the first?"

Freddy nodded in Michael's direction. "Myers. He eats dogs and rats for Christ sake!"

"Well I'm not going." Ghostface said. They all glared at him.

[Oh yes, there will be blood]

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The police all turned around as Ghostface was thrown out the Winnebago. He coughed as the dust filled his lungs. Only when a police officer actually came over to him and asked, "Hey, son. You all right?"

Ghostface nodded, got to his feet and dusted himself off. "Yeah. I'm fine, but me and my roommates here-" he motioned to the Winnebago, "-were just wondering what you and the other cops were shooting at."

"Well I'm glad you asked that, son. Come and walk with me while I disclose classified information to you that no one but the police force and the investigating officers are supposed to know." and the cop began to walk towards the house.

Ghostface followed him, but Freddy stuck his head out of the window of the van and asked loudly, "Hey, fuck face? Is it okay to come out?!"

"Yeah," he called back, "it's fine! The nice police officer here was just going to tell me some super secret information."

"Kick ass!" Freddy exclaimed as he hopped out of the van. He turned to Jason and Michael as they to tried to get out. "You two stay here and watch the van."

But-

Michale began. Freddy cut him off. "No butts of pussies for you, Myers. You and Voorhees have to stay here while me and fuck face follow a stranger into a dark and abandoned house in the middle of nowhere."

Jason shrugged. Fine. You go and we'll stay here and chill.

And Freddy got out of the van and hurried to catch up with Ghostface. The cop led them inside the house where he met up with the sheriff. "Oh shit. Not another sheriff." Ghostface mumbled.

Thankfully nobody heard him. The sheriff just showed the other police officer something and said, "You see this piece of shit? This belongs to a clown named Spaulding. Capitan Fucking Spaulding."

The cop nodded and took it. "Okay. I'll-"

"So when you say that it belongs to Captain Fucking Spaulding is that, like, his full name?"

The sheriff raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean, boy?"

"Is 'Fuck' really a part of his name?"

"Seems like an odd name to me." Freddy commented.

The cop shook his head and walked away, left Freddy, Ghostface and the sheriff alone. He could tell that there was going to be trouble. "Well I guess not." the sheriff said. "His name is just Captain Spaulding."

"Then why do you people say 'fuck' so much?" Freddy asked. The sheriff shrugged.

Ghostface glanced at Freddy. "You know what? I smell something weird around here and it sure as hell ain't teen spirit...more like rock and grunge music and sweat. Yeah, lots of sweat."

The sheriff nodded like he understood, but leaned close to Freddy and whispered, "What the fuck is that boy talkin' about?"

"I really don't know. Just play along. That's what I always do."

"Alright then." and he looked at both of them and then at the other police men that were searching the house and hauling out dead and decomposing bodies. "You know who did this?"

Ghostface glanced at Freddy and then asked tentatively, "Are we supposed to?"

The sheriff acted like he hadn't even spoke. "The Devil's rejects."

Everyone in the room gasped and stopped what they were doing. "Uh...the what now from the who when?" Freddy asked obliviously.

"The Devil's rejects."

"Oh. That's what I thought you said, I just prayed to God it wasn't."

"What do you mean?" the sheriff asked.

"Well it seems like a pretty punk ass name. Couldn't you think of something a bit more kick ass?"

"Yeah," Ghostface agreed. "and besides, what does that even mean? The Devil's rejects. Pft. So were they rejected from the Devil's school or something when they were young? Is that why they kill?"

Freddy laughed. Everyone else in the room glared at them murderously. "Yeah. How pitiful must you have to be to get rejected by the Devil?"

Both him and Ghostface doubled over in laughter right before the sheriff took out his gun and aimed it straight at Freddy's head. "Motherfucker get out."

"Uh...right. We were just leaving." he elbowed Ghostface in the ribs and motioned to the door. They both ran out the room, screaming with their arms flailing.

As they both got into the van Jason thought, What's going on?

"I really don't know. All I know is that Myers is gonna drive us to the old gas station we passed a few miles back." Freddy said as he peered over at Michael.

Michael seemed surprised. We passed a gas station?

"There's always an old gas station in places like these. Duh."

Kruger will you please just tell us what's going on? Jason asked.

"Okay. Well it turns out that-"

"Oh, wait! I wanna tell it!" Ghostface interrupted as he raised his hand and jumped up and down.

Jason rolled his eyes. I don't care who tells it as long as it gets told.

Michael slowly backed the Winnebago out of the dirt driveway. Oh, yeah, Voorhees. That totally made sense.

Shut up!

Fuck you!

Fuck me? Michael thought, Fuck you!

"Okay!" Freddy howled, "Can we please just stop fucking each other and let fuck face tell the story?"

Once everyone was under control Ghostface told Michael and Jason everything that he and Freddy had learned. In the end both silent killers stared at him with wide eyes. Jason was the first one to think.

So...we're going to look for a clown named Captain Fucking Spaulding?

"Just Captain Spaulding," Freddy corrected. "The 'Fucking' part is silent."

Jason nodded. Right, right. How could I be so stupid? The 'Fucking' is always silent. Anyway, we're going to get involved in a problem that isn't even ours.

Both Freddy and Ghostface nodded and said simultaneously, "Right!"

Michael sighed. This is like a bad Rob Zombie movie...now that I think about it...he sniffed the air. Jason looked at him oddly.

Uh...Michael? What the hell are you doing?

Ssh! Michael thought, putting a finger to the lips of his mask. He sniffed again. You smell that? It smells like rock music and decaying flesh...it's Rob Zombie!

Freddy rolled his eyes. "Yeah. And you really needed to ssh us to smell the air, huh?"

But don't you get it? It's so obvious! That's why we've been saying 'fuck' after every other word! That's what it's like in Rob Zombie movies! Michael thought more excitedly now as he turned the steering wheel a little to the left. If this is like a Rob Zombie movie then all we have to do is-

"Shut the fuck up, Myers and save the world your pitiful theories." Ghostface said. "We've got a mystery on our hands and you want to waste your time thinking of fucking theories? Jeez. What an idiot."

Freddy nodded. "Yeah. Everyone knows that you're full of fucking crap, Myers, so I say that we all ignore you. This obviously isn't like a Rob Zombie movie and this is obviously our business. Everything in this whole world is my business, so I say that we split up and search for clues."

Hmm. Jason thought, I wonder where you came up with that idea, Kruger? Let's split up and search for clues, huh? Can someone please cue the Scooby Doo theme song?

"Fuck you," Freddy said as they van went speeding along through the abandoned desert.

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What the fuck? Why is there a gas station in the middle of fucking nowhere? Michael thought as they pulled into the parking long. Freddy and Ghostface were eagerly hopping up and down in their seats, anxious to fuck up something.

Just before they sprang out of the Winnebago, Jason turned to them and thought, OK, guys. Listen up, because I'm not getting run down by a giant Texan wielding a chainsaw again. Here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna-

"First off, fuck you, Voorhees. We're not slowing down because you're too much of a pansy. We're not even in Texas to begin with. We're in somewhere that's not relative to the plot line of this story, so it doesn't matter. Shut up. Second, we're doing what I say because I'm the only one of us can talk, so I'm automatically the smartest, strongest and just the best. Third-"

"Wow. Nice way to just ex me out of the whole equation. Bravo." Ghostface said as he went to get out of the van.

The others didn't follow; they just continued arguing in the van. Ghostface sighed and turned away, but gasped at the man that was standing in front of him. It was a clown. A bald clown with a burly beard and face paint. He smiled merrily at Ghostface, exposing a mouthful of yellowed teeth.

Ghostface swallowed and tried to back away. "Umm...sorry sir. Didn't mean to-"

The clown laughed and reached out to pat him on the shoulder. "Aw, it's okay, son. Just do me a favor and tell your friends in there to get out of the van."

Ghostface looked from the clown to the van and then remembered...

"You see this piece of shit? This belongs to a clown named Spaulding. Capitan Fucking Spaulding."

"Sir? You wouldn't happen to be Captain Fucking Spaulding, would you?"

The clown paused and thought about it, then he nodded and laughed again. "Why sure, son. I fucked a few times before. Now if you wouldn't mind telling your friends to get outta the van. I need it for...umm...official clown business."

Ghostface shook his head and slowly found the knife that he always kept in his sleeve. "Sorry, Spaulding. I can't do that."

The clown frowned. "Well why not?"

"Because I hate clowns!" and Ghostface lunged at him with the knife, but Spaulding was to quick for him. He picked Ghostface up right off the ground and flung him against the hood. He began pounding away him as Freddy, Jason and Michael watched from the inside of the van.

After a moments hesitation Freddy asked in a flat tone, "Hey guys?"

Yeah, Kruger? They thought together.

"Why is Ghostface getting beat up by a clown?"

"Captain Spaulding will teach you to say no to him, motherfucker!" the clown yelled. Freddy gasped and tapped his head irritably. Jason sighed.

What are you doing now?

"It's nothing I'm sure, but doesn't that name sound familiar? God it's on the tip of my tongue...where is it from?"

Ghostface managed to sputter out, "He's one of the Devil's rejects!"

But Freddy ignored him. "I know that I've heard it before...Captain Spaulding? Hmm..."

Both Michael and Jason just glanced at each other then thought, HE'S ONE OF THE DEVIL'S REJECTS, YOU IDIOT!!!

Freddy gasped and exclaimed, "He's one of the Devil's rejects! Of course! I knew that I could remember it!" then he turned to the others with a worried look on his face. "Oh my gosh, you guys! Ghostface is in trouble! Come on!"

They all hopped out of the Winnebago but nobody came to Ghostface's aid. Freddy just began jumping up and down and yelled, "Yeah! Go ahead, Spaulding! Kill him!"

The clown raised his fist to punch Ghostface one more time but noticed that the vehicle was no longer occupied. He smiled and let Ghostface's unconscious body fall onto the ground then he jumped in the van. Michael's eyes got wide.

My van! What the fuck?!

And he chased it as Spaulding quickly backed out of the parking lot and drove away. He stuck his head out the window and cried, "Fuckers! Suck my dick!"

They all watched the van speed away. Freddy sighed and adjusted his hat on his head, then he looked from Michael to Ghostface. "Who the fuck left the keys in the ever loving van?"

Ghostface made a grumbling noise from his spot on the ground and rolled over. Jason glared at Michael. "You? You left the keys in the van, Myers?"

He nodded and looked down at the ground. Uh yeah. I...uh, I may have left the keys.

"Left the keys where, Myers? On the counter back home? In the gas station?" Freddy pried. Michael shook his head.

No. I, umm...I may have left them in the ignition.

"The ignition of what, I wonder? Of Ghostface's ass?"

Once again he shook his head. No. I may have left them in the ignition of the Winnebago.

Freddy nodded and began to pace back and forth, his feet stirring up dust. He walked with his hands behind his back and spoke in a steady tone, not angry but not happy. "Hmm. Interesting. Which Winnebago? Be specific, Michael. Surely it wasn't our Winnebago."

Uh, yeah. I think that I may have possibly left them in the ignition of our Winnebago. And, umm...I'm sorry?

He looked to Jason for help, but he said nothing as Freddy strode right up to him and said calmly. "You're sorry? You're sorry that you may have possibly left the keys to our Winnebago in the ignition?"

Michael nodded and didn't look at Freddy as he thought, Yeah. I'm sorry.

"Hmm. I see."

Yeah.

"You're sorry, huh?"

Yeah. Real sorry.

Then Freddy absolutely exploded, his eyes bulging out of their sockets. "YOU STUPID PIECE OF USLESS SHIT! DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE JUST DONE, YOU FUCKING RETARD?! AND YOU'RE SORRY? YOU'RE SORRY THAT YOU MAY HAVE POSSIBLY LEFT THE KEYS IN THE IGNITION SO THAT IT COULD BE HIJACKED BY A FUCKING CLOWN?!"

Michael nodded, his eyes wide and full of fear. Yeah. I'm really, really, really-

Freddy lunged at Michael, punching and stabbing everything that was within his reach. "I HATE YOU, I HATE EVERY ONE OF YOU!"

Jason had to pry Freddy off of Michael before things really got ugly. Come on now, Freddy. It was an accident. Besides, we can still find the van.

"Yeah but what about him?" Freddy spat as he motioned to Ghostface. "How are we gonna haul him around?"

Just as he said this Ghostface let out a sick gurgling noise, managed to clumsily lift his mask and spat out three or four teeth and a mouthful of blood into the dust. Then he let out a painful moan and collapsed again.

Michael said nothing as he dropped to his knees and then became unconscious as well, blood beginning to seep out of his mask. Freddy let out a yell of rage and kicked dirt up into the air. Unfortunately it just blew back into his eyes and blinded him. As Freddy danced around rubbing the dirt out of his eyes Jason sighed.

Yep, he thought hopelessly, we're officially screwed.

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In the end Freddy had to carry Ghostface over one shoulder. Jason carried Michael, the second biggest killer behind himself, over his shoulder as well. They walked along the edge of the highway for hours, but the sun never seemed to get any lower in the sky. Freddy sighed and wiped the sweat off of his forehead.

"Isn't there a thing called, gee, I dunno, night around here?!"

Just shut up and keep walking.

They both walked in silence for a little longer then, "Wooooah...and beat it. Just beat it. You have to show them that you're really not scared. You're playing with your life, this ain't no truth or dare. Just beat it. Just beat-"

What the hell?

"What?" Freddy asked as he shifted Ghostface's weight from one shoulder to the other, "I'm bored as fuck. What do you want me to do?"

Well for starters I don't want you to sing Michael Jackson songs.

Suddenly a voice piped up. It sounded slurred and horrible. "Oh mommy. I don't wanna go to school today. Everyone's mean to me..."

Jason looked around. What the hell was that?

"Ghostface. He's being emo again." Freddy hissed. They continued walking, listening to Ghostface's slurred speech.Finally a dingy motel came into view. They both let out a sigh of relief and hurried to it.

Just as they stepped foot in the nearly empty parking lot, a girl in a shirt and a crudely made mask of flesh came running out of one of the rooms, her arms waving around. She was screaming at the top of her lungs. Freddy released Ghostface's unconscious body and let it fall onto the hard pavement of the parking lot. He covered his ears.

"Hey, get a room, bitch!"

The girl ran right past him and Jason and into the road. Out of nowhere an 18 wheeler came speeding around the bend and slammed into her. A shower of bloody chunks covered Freddy and Jason.

Great. Jason thought dismally, that's just dandy. Now we look like zombies!

Freddy tried to wipe the gory gook off of him and spat out a large chunk of flesh. "Incompetent zombies."

On the ground Ghostface shifted and managed to raise his head and look up at Freddy. "Wh...what's going-"

"Hey! What the fuck are you guys doin' here?"

They all whirled around. It was a young, skinny blond girl standing in the same doorway of the room that the run over girl had ran out of. She had a gun in her right hand and a knife in her left. "Seriously," she said in an annoyingly girlish sounding voice, "what the fuck are you guys doin'?"

"Who's 'dat?" Ghostface asked groggily. Freddy glared down at him and kicked him hard in the head, making him, once again, unconscious.

"Shut the fuck up, idiot. That's obviously-"

"Did or did I just not ask you a question, motherfucker?" suddenly the girl was right in his face. She was a cute kid, young and innocent looking. Freddy couldn't suppress a smile as he patted her on the head.

He said in mock sweetness, "Now listen here, honey. I'm not the kind of man that you wanna go pointing guns at, see? I'm Freddy-"

"I don't give a fuck who you are, just get in that motel room and maybe I won't have to fuck you up."

Freddy's smile dissolved and he asked, "What did you just say?"

"I said get in the house, motherfucker!" she clicked the hammer back on the gun and pressed right between Freddy's eyes then poked his cheek and giggled. "Wow, you're pretty crispy, aren't you fella?"

"Jason..."

Already on it. Jason thought as he began to get out his machete. The girl turned the gun on him, managed to press it right against his temple, and fired four times before the gun clicked empty. She frowned and backed away, still pointing the gun at Jason.

Freddy waited and waited for it, for Jason to bounce back suddenly and slash her in half with his machete, but he didn't; he just fell to the ground without another sound, letting Michael's body fall off his shoulders. The girl jumped up a little and giggled, her blond curls bouncing lightly on her shoulders.

"What the hell..."

"Get in the room." she said, now glaring at Freddy. Out of nowhere she pulled a gun out of her pants and aimed it at him.

Jeez, Freddy thought as he allowed himself to be led back to the motel room, haven't they ever heard of reloading? Don't need to buy a gun every time you run out of bullets...

Why didn't they know this? Why could the Devil's rejects pull guns out of their pants? Because they were just that purely homicidal. So yeah. Eat that.

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Hours later an old Winnebago pulled into the parking lot of the motel. A man with clown paint stepped out of the vehicle and stared at the black cloaked figure laying in the dust and the mess of roadkill on the road. Spaulding shook his head and smacked his lips.

"Now ain't that ashame? Tsk, tsk, tsk. What a tragedy." and he stomped towards the motel room.

Once his footsteps faded, Ghostface dared to raise his head. God, did he have a headache. I'll have to pay Freddy back for that...he thought to himself as he slowly got to his feet.

The truth was that every part of his frame hurt, but what could he do now? "Just save their sorry, miserable..." his voice trailed off as he crawled over to the Winnebago, all the while looking back to the room to see if anyone was coming out.

With careful precision he made his way to the driver's side and climbed in. Okay, so he hadn't driven in a while, but he was sure that he could-just as his feet tapped a pedal, the van was sent rolling backward, crunching over Jason's seemingly lifeless body.

"Shit! Oh...I mean fuck!" he yelled in frustration as he stomped on the gas and looked around. The door to the room came flying open, the young girl peeking out. Her eyes darted around the parking lot until she saw the moving van.

She smiled wickedly and retreated back inside. Ghostface sighed. "Ha. I was too smart for her." and made the Winnebago ease out of the parking lot a little more, slowly edging his way into the now empty road.

In a second gunfire filled the air as Captain Spaulding and the girl, Baby Firefly, came bursting out of the room, shooting like mad at Ghostface. He gasped and ducked under the dash as he pressed the pedals a little more, edging blindly into the road. The firing stopped, though.

Baby Firefly turned to Spaulding and hissed, "Stop it! We're just waisting bullets now! C'mon and let's call Otis. He can take care of that motherfucker and his friend."

"Which one?" Spaulding asked, motioning to Jason's now crushed and lifeless corpse. "Tweedledee or Tweedledum?"

She smiled. "Tweedledumber. Now c'mon and let's go check on that other one inside."

"What if he drives off?"

"He won't. Look at him. He don't even know the gas from the brake!" they both went back inside, leaving Ghostface to cower in the Winnebago feeling hopelessly and utterly alone.

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Freddy sighed and looked over at the alarm clock that sat next to the bed. It just kept blinking annoyingly 12:00...12:00...12:00...

Baby Firefly and Spaulding came back in the room laughing. The clown strode over and slapped Freddy on the back like they were friends. "Well now, sonny. Looks like your friend got the better of you."

"You mean the one in the hockey mask?" he asked hopefully. If anyone could get him out of here, it was Jason...well, maybe not. But still, it helped to have some false hope to hold on to.

The girl just sat down next to Freddy. "Looks like you're stuck here with us until Otis gets here to take you away."

"Otis? Who's Otis?"

Spaulding and Baby Firefly glanced at each other and smiled knowingly. They said together, "You'll find out."

No. Freddy would most certainly not find out. He had no mind to. He just smiled at them and said in the most innocent voice he could manage, "Excuse me, but may I use the bathroom?"

The girl smiled and said playfully, "You gotta hit him first." and she motioned to Michael.

Freddy tried to act like he didn't want to as he said, "I have to...hit him?"

Spaulding laughed. "Yeah, yeah. Right across the face!"

"Well okay..." Freddy said. He turned to Michael. Somehow Baby Firefly had managed to drag him in here all by herself. Quite a feat for someone as small and petite as herself.

Without a trace of remorse in his eyes, Freddy raised his clawed hand and smacked Michael right in the face. Since Michael was only half conscious, he just let out a grunt of pain and recoiled, still not fully sure of what was going on.

Spaulding and Baby Firefly laughed insanely before permitting Freddy to go use the bathroom. He hurriedly got up, went to the bathroom and slammed and locked the door. "Now hurry up in there," the girl's sweet voice called to him. "we don't wanna have to come in and get you."

"Don't worry," he called back, "you won't."

He looked around the bathroom looking for something, anything, that might be able to help him. "Shit, shit, shit, shit!" he hissed as he checked the medicine cabinet. Nothing but a bunch of pills.

Then he looked up and saw his salvation; a single window, just big enough for him to crawl through. With a huge smile plastered on his face he went over to the window, unlatched it and climbed out...

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A loud, rumbling truck came pulling into the parking lot and came to a screeching halt. A man stepped out, a man with long, blondish hair and a thick beard. He looked around with a sneer on his face then went over to the room where Spaulding and Baby Firefly were in. He knocked on it and waited. It opened quickly and sounds of shouting came drifting out into the dusty wasteland.

"What do you fuckin' mean he got away?!"

"He got away. What the fuck do you want me to tell you?"

"I want you to tell me that you can actually do something right for once! Jeez..."

"Oh, c'mon, Otis! Give the kid a break! She just made a mistake is all! We can get 'em back easy. He can't have gone too far."

"Ah, fuck you man."

"Fuck me?"

"Yeah, fuck you."

"Well then fuck you!"

Otis came stomping out of the room carrying with him a sawed off shotgun and a case full of bullets.

Baby Firefly was following close behind, pulling at his shirt like a little kid looking for attention. "Otis! Where you goin'?"

"Find me them fuckers. They can't have gone far. You stay here. Spaulding will you please just go and jump in a fuckin' lake for me?"

Spaulding spat on the ground and yelled back, "Ah, go jump in a fuckin' orgy, you fucker."

"That doesn't even make sense, you stupid fuck." Otis hissed as he jumped in the truck and backed out of the parking lot. "Imma go kill me some fuckers. But hey, what's that?" he asked as he rolled over Jason's body.

"That there's one of them. I think that he's dead but-"

"Hell, Spaulding, this fucker ain't dead. Look at him. He's still breathing. Didn't you two check to see his pulse or something?" Otis asked as he got out and tried to haul Jason's corpse into his truck.

Both shook their heads idiotically. Otis sighed. "Well anyway we can't just go leavin' dead things in the parking lot. What the hell's the matter with you two?"

"Sorry." Baby Firefly mumbled.

Spaulding grumbled a nearly silent, "Yeah. Sorry."

"Well that's fine. Just try and be a little more careful. Now I'm gonna go take this fucker off a ways and finish him off. You two think you can handle things until then?"

"When you come back can we get outta here?"

He shrugged. "Supposin' that you and Spaulding can finish the rest off, then yeah. See ya later." and he got into the truck once again and was soon on the road with one hand on the steering wheel and the other aiming a gun at Jason.

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So in case you've lost track of what characters are where here's where things stand at this point:

Freddy is hiding somewhere close to the motel.

Jason is in the truck with Otis.

Ghostface is still crawling along the highway in the Winnebago at the pace of a dead snail because he really doesn't remember how to drive.

Michael is stuck inside the motel room trying to see straight and probably dieing-if he could die, that is-of internal bleeding.

Got it? Good. Now while the others were busy trying to fulfill their own plans of escape, Jason was lying half conscious in Otis' truck as they sped along the highway. That's when he felt the coldness of the gun against his skin. That sure woke him up.

Jason looked around wildly. Otis just laughed softly and turned up the radio. "Hey, you like this song?"

Jason shrugged and tried to tell him that he couldn't talk, but Otis just repeated the question and clicked the gun, his trigger finger tensing up. "I said do you like this song?!"

I guess...it's okay. They've played it so many times on the radio that it's sort of done with and-

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Jason sighed. When will you all finally understand that I DON'T KNOW?!

There was silence for a second then Otis slammed on the brakes and motioned for Jason to get out the truck. He climbed out and followed Otis. They walked for a few minutes then Otis stopped and sighed.

"You know that the stress of the day is really getting to me."

Jason didn't think or say anything. He just followed Otis. "You know what I'd really like right now?"

Jason still didn't answer. He just kept walking and Otis just kept talking. "I'd really like for you to answer me when I'm talking to you motherfucker!" he aimed the gun at Jason.

He sighed. I can't talk, you backwoods hick! Piss off!

"What did you just say? Did you just tell me to piss off-OH!" he was cut short as Ghostface came hurdling out of nowhere, tackling Otis to the ground.

Ghostface? Jason thought as he watched Otis regain his focus and start punching Ghostface in the mouth and strangling him. What the fuck are you doing here?

"Motherfucker...DIE!!!" Otis yelled.

Ghostface gasped for breath and managed to rasp, "Help me! He's killing me!"

But we can't die. We're slashers, remember!

"I...can't...breath..."

Oh...right. Sorry.

And Jason jumped in the fight, but by now Otis had reclaimed his gun. He raised it and shot Jason in the throat. The slasher gripped his throat and staggered backward, blood oozing from between his fingers. Ghostface began to breath again, chocking full breaths of fresh air.

"Wh...why are doing this?" Ghostface asked breathlessly as Otis knelt next to him, pulling yet another gun out his pants.

"I am the devil and I am here to do the devil's work."

With an empty look in his eyes, Otis shot Ghostface in the head.

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Freddy looked around the now vacant parking lot. It was now or never. Carefully and slowly he made his way out of his hiding place and into the empty street. "Okay so fuck face has the Winni and Otis McFuckbrains has that piece of shit truck..." he looked around. That meant that he must take Spaulding's clown mobile.

The clown mobile was a rusted old car that probably didn't even work, but what could Freddy do? Play Jesus and pull a miracle out of his ass? "Fuck it." Freddy muttered as he ran up to the clown mobile. Luckily enough for him the keys were in the ignition. "Ha! Payback, bitch!"

Just as he climbed into the car Spaulding and Baby Firefly came running out the motel room, waving their arms in the air and shouting. "Stop!"

But Freddy didn't stop. Spaulding and Baby Firefly didn't even have enough time to shoot at him. Freddy just started the car, backed out of the parking lot and sped away, leaving Michael to rot in that room.

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But thankfully enough for us, Michael wasn't rotting in the motel room. He had regained enough sense to know that he was in deep shit, so when Spaulding and Baby Firefly ran out of the room to chase Freddy, he got up and strolled right on out the door.

How could he do this?

Because he's Michael Myers and he's fucking awesome, that's why.

Anyways, once he was out Michael ran and rand and ran until he found the highway. Then he just waited until he saw an old, rusted car driving towards him at a breakneck speed. It looked like it was about to fall to pieces on that highway.

Thank God. He thought as the car came speeding towards him.

Upon seeing Michael standing there with blood crusted onto his jumpsuit, Freddy slammed the brakes. Sure it had been a while since he had driven, but what kind of idiot forgot how to drive? Jeez, that person must be dumb.

"Want a lift, Myers?" he asked as he rolled down the window. Michael was already getting in the car. He looked exhausted and totally drained. Then again it was hard to tell, considering the fact that he had that whole mask deal going on.

I...WANT...TO...GO...HOME!!!

"Okay, okay Myers. Chill out. First we have to locate a few more obligations then we can be on our way...actually no, scratch that. Then its payback. Just come on and get in the car. Hurry up. I don't have all day."

Once Michael was in the car, Freddy pressed the gas down and they were off, traveling along the abandoned and lifeless highway. Suddenly a familiar tune began drifting through the air, a tune full of life yet somehow sad and downcast...

If I leave here tomorrow

Would you still remember me?

For I must be traveling on now,

'Cause there's to many places I've got to see.

But if I stayed here with you, girl,

Things just couldn't be the same.

'Cause I'm as free as a bird now,

And this bird you can't change.

And this bird you can't change.

Lord knows I can't change...

Freddy gasped and turned to Michael, a look of triumph on his face. "Myers. I have a plan."

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The shot rang out across the hills and valleys. Otis just smiled and lowered his gun, looked from one dead slasher to the other with a content look on his face. Just as he turned to leave, the clown mobile came driving out of nowhere, running him over and crushing him between the wheels.

Ghostface gazed at the car. "What's going on around here?"

Jason hauled him to his feet and dragged him to the clown mobile, not really caring what was going on at this point. Doesn't matter. Let's just get the hell outta here.

Once they were all safely in the car, Freddy sped off, leaving Otis behind in the dust. "Okay. Here's the deal, fuckers. I've got a plan. First we have to drive then-"

As they passed an ice cream sign Ghostface couldn't help but interrupt. "I could sure go for some ice cream right about now."

Freddy just glared at him. "What? Is that some kind of blow job deal or something?"

He shook his head. "No. I'm just sayin' that I could sure go for some Tootie Fuckin' Fruity right about now."

Freddy sighed and drove a little faster. "No way. There is no fucking ice cream in your fucking future."

{FIVE MINUTES LATER}

Boy, I'm sure glad that we stopped. Michael thought as he licked his ice cream cone. Jason nodded and ate some of his as well.

Yep. You see, Kruger? It didn't kill you.

"Honestly yes it did kill me a little inside." he muttered dangerously as they sped down the highway.

"Oh c'mon, Freddy! Lighten up! Here...have some." Ghostface said as he shoved the cone in Freddy's face. He tried to move it away, but the car hit a bump and Ghostface's grip slipped; the ice cream cone splattered against his face and for one minute he was blinded.

"Ugh! Look what you did!" Freddy howled as he wiped the ice cream out of his face. He looked disgusted. Ghostface just shrugged cheerfully.

"Tootie Fuckin' Fruity."

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The Devil's rejects drove along the highway swiftly. Otis was driving, his face bloodied and swollen from his encounter with the clown mobile. It was a fabulous moment as they drove, completely sure that they had evaded the law yet again, but as the car came round a bend he saw it.

Freddy, Ghostface, Jason and Michael standing behind the clown mobile, guns drawn. Otis looked up at the sky and let out a tired sigh. Freddy just smiled, knowing that he had won.

Otis reached beside him. Pulled out guns, passed them to Baby Firefly and Spaulding, who sat in the back seat.

Freddy's smile grew. He, Ghostface, Jason and Michael prepared themselves for the shower of bullets.

Otis slammed on the gas and they came speeding towards Freddy and the others, their guns aimed and ready.

But as soon as Freddy pulled the trigger he didn't hear gunfire; he heard the song again, playing loudly and sorrowfully.

I'm as free as a bird now...

...and this bird you can't change.

Lord knows I can't change.

The bullets found their way to their targets; Otis, Baby Firefly and Spaulding dropped into the car, let their guns fall out of their hands. Otis lost control of the car.

The Devil's rejects were dead.

For now.

Won't you fly high free bird?

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First off I've just finished the Rob Zombie movie, The Devil's Rejects and I surprisingly love it. The last scene is one of my favorite parts in a movie ever and although it can not compare to classic movies like Halloween and Friday the 13th in my heart, I still enjoy it. Yes, I do cry when I watch the last Freebird scene. So what?

Anyway, hope you enjoyed Halloween. I know I sure did. Now episodes will be coming more regularly and please feel free to review them. I always like that.

ONE THING I CAN TELL YOU IS YOU GOT TO BE FREE...

come together right now over me.

& remember to eat some Tootie Fuckin' Fruity.