Ulquiorra woke up to a knock on the door, he groaned, "Damn it…..my first nap. Gone." Then the baby started crying and Ulqui became more pissed. When I find the idiot that knocked on my door, he's fuckin dead.

He picked up the wailing child and opened the door, "What the fuck do you wa—oh….why are you here Byakuya."

The cop held up a drunk Grimmjow, "Found him in a gutter. Keep an eye or your husband will ya."

"Ulqui~~~~~~~~~~ my loving wifie~~~~~~~~~ how are ya~~~~~~~~~~" Grimmjow sing-songed as he was shoved into the house.

"I will. Thanks for bringing him home. Have a good night." Ulquiorra smiled as he shut the door. He turned to Grimmjow, a dark look in his eyes, "You're fuckin dead bastard! I finally get a nap, and it's ruined by you coming home drunk! That's it! You're caring for the damn child! I'm taking a vacation!" Ulquiorra kicked Grimmjow and stormed to their room, locking the door behind him.

"Aw~~ Ulqui~~~ I'm sorry~~," Grimmjow whimpered like a kicked puppy outside of the room. "Pwease let me in~~."

"No way in hell!" He snapped, "You're on the couch tonight!"

"But that's so mean~~~~~!"

"Tough luck! You deserve it!"

Grimmjow sniffed, "Fine. But you don't get any more gas station chocolate and beer."

"I'm perfectly fine with that, bastard. It was shit anyway."

"You're so mean!"

"Deal with it! You're the one that married me!"

"Fine then! I want a divorce!"

"You can get a divorce if you can call a lawyer without assistance."

"I can do that! Uh….Ulqui…..where's the phone?"

"No assistance."

"…..fuck you….."

"Tomorrow okay. Too tired…" Ulquiorra mumbled, Aquavelva had finally shut up and Grimmjow was falling into drunken sleep, it was now time for that much needed nap. He curled up on his side, Aqua nestled under his chin, and soon fell asleep.

Ulquiorra awoke the next morning to the smell of food. "Huh…." He sat up, to realize he was in his bed and Aquavelva was missing. "Gah!" Ulquiorra jumped up and ran to the kitchen, to see his blue-haired husband sober and…cooking?

He rubbed his eyes, Am I dreaming…...and where's Aqua!? Ulquiorra hysterically searched the kitchen, finally spotting his blue-haired son sitting in his high chair blowing spit bubbles and giggling whenever they popped. Aw~~~~~, Ulquiorra walked over to his son and tickled underneath his chin, "Who's a cute baby~~."

He felt hands slide around his waist, "Morning sleepy~."

Ulqui leaned his head back into Grimmjow's shoulder, "Morning Grimmy."

"You want breakfast?" He cooed happily.

"Since when can you cook?" Ulquiorra looked up at him, worried.

"Since I had someone cook it for me and I just have to keep it warm." He grinned.

"That's my Grimmy~." Ulquiorra chuckled, "So, what are you keeping warm?"

"Eggs, bacon, fancy potatoes, and toast." Grimmjow said as he pulled away to put the food on the plates.

Ulquiorra frowned at the sudden emptiness that came when Grimmjow left, "Have you fed Aqua?"

"Yep. And changed his diaper."

Ulquiorra's eyes widened, "Seriously!" He hugged Grimmjow happily, "I love you~!"

Grimmjow smiled, "I felt bad about last night, I want to make it up to you. I promise from now on I'll be more of a help~."

Ulquiorra narrowed his eyes, "If you're doing this only for sex forget it."

"No! Well, kinda…but I am swearing to you that I am going to help care for this baby. Starting with until that child is in middle school, I'm staying sober. No alcohol." Grimmjow handed a shocked Ulquiorra a plate with food.

"What…are you drunk…"

"You heard me honey~, no alcohol for twelve years! And I'm perfectly sober!" Grimmjow smiled and grabbed his own plate, sitting at the table.

Ulquiorra followed, doubtful, "You can't even last an hour without alcohol, let alone twelve years. It's like sex."

"I may be giving up alcohol to care for the child, but no way in hell am I giving up sex!"

Ulquiorra looked at him and saw that the idiot was being truthful, Well, this'll be interesting…. "Okay, fine. Let's see how long you can go without alcohol. And everyday that you don't have alcohol, you get three sex sessions."

Grimmjow kissed Ulquiorra happily, "This is one of the reasons why I love you~."

"Mhm….." Ulquiorra mumbled, "But due to your little scene last night and falling asleep in the gutter you don't get it for the rest of the week."

"….damn it! You're so evil!"

Ulquiorra chuckled and started to eat, "Enjoy seven sexless and alcoholess days Grimmy."

A/N:…..this is what happens when I type stories at two in the morning while listening to Futurama….I need to stop that…..or continue doing that…idk….and if you guys have an idea for an upcoming chapter or even a story please share! I'm home sick with something for probably the rest of the week and need something to do besides attempting to yell at my cat while he tries to eat me soup…...