Chapter 25: Hopeless

A/N: Well, here's the newest chapter! I would like to apologize for my long absence. During that long absence, see, I started and finished Camp Nano Wrimo, and wrote thirty k on it :) And, I also just freaking realized that this story is godawful. But I felt I owed it to you guys to pull something out, no matter how horrible it was. I hope this is okay.

Oh, also, I say Hiccup was absent for two days, and he was only absent from school on Monday and Tuesday, because he collapsed on Friday, so he spent the weekend in the hospital, and his father got him on Tuesday, about late afternoon. So it is now Wednesday morning :)

Toothless' house was about as far from mine as you could possibly get. The living room was large, with wooden floors that had been polished until they literally gleamed, and a wide staircase with the little boy from the backyard running up them, tripping all over himself.

"Be careful!" Toothless called up to him, and the boy nodded once before disappearing into one of the bathrooms. I heard the water start up from the tub after a few minutes, and Toothless led me into the kitchen. He barely seemed to notice the grandeur of his quarters, but all I could do was stare. This place was nothing like my house.

My house was dark and empty and quiet. There was almost never anybody inside, unless you counted me, studiously counting my Xs and never eating and telling myself that I would be perfect if I could just change. If I could just fix something about the awful sight I saw whenever I looked in the mirror, things would be better. In this house, people were all over the place, tripping on the stairs and running each other over and laughing about it. The smell of something baking hit me, and my stomach lurched with how much I wanted food.

And I knew then, the moment my stomach twisted, I knew that I couldn't stay. I took a few steps back from Toothless. "I'm sorry, I can't do this. I just remembered that my dad's expecting me, so…"

No. My dad was not expecting me. But what did another lie really matter?

Toothless looked sort of disappointed, and I couldn't figure that out, because he should have been relieved, but all I knew was that I had to get away.

His aunt appeared in the doorway to the kitchen, holding a platter of some kind of dessert. I couldn't tell what it was supposed to be, but I put a hand protectively over my stomach, warning myself not to show a sign of hunger. Whatever that food was, I didn't deserve it.

"Leaving so soon?" she asked, setting the platter down on the edge of the table. "Well, the weather says there'll be scattered thunderstorms tonight, so at least let me drive you home."

"No, that's okay…" I tried to say, because I wasn't actually allowed in my house anymore, but she had those soft eyes and that kind look again, and I knew she wasn't taking no for an answer.

As I crawled reluctantly into the passenger seat, mumbling my thanks, she turned the key in the ignition.

"Oh, it's cold," she whispered to herself, turning on the heat. Warm air rushed from the vents, and I sank down in my seat, drinking in the warmth. Though the rain had long since stopped, my clothes still weren't completely dry. Remembering how much rainfall we were supposed to get tonight, I shivered a little. I really, really didn't want to sleep outside.

"Are you cold?" she asked sympathetically, turning to look at me as she backed out of the drive. "How long were you out in that rain? You're wet!" It was as if she had just noticed this, and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why she cared.

"It's nothing," I replied quickly, pulling the sleeves down as far as they would go, both to lock in warmth and to hopefully hide the 'X' on my arm. I didn't want her to see that. "I just took a walk out in the rain, and couldn't find my way back home."

Toothless' aunt looked kind of pitying. "Well, I'll help you find it. Speaking of which, where is your home?"

"Um, I live on Dragon Whisperer's Way…" I began uncertainly, but stopped myself when I heard her make a strange noise in the back of her throat. "What's wrong?"

"Over there?" It was then that I realized just how far my neighborhood must have been from this one.

"I'm sorry," I said miserably, shrinking down in my seat and staring at my hands. "I didn't mean to be any trouble…"

"Oh, no, you're fine, I didn't mean…well…" she kind of sighed and started down the road, making a wide arc as she finally pulled out of the neighborhood. I sat back against the fake leather seat, staring out into the darkening sky and feeling more miserable than ever.

The night wasn't that fun, but I survived. Mostly, I just tried not to think about it the next morning at school. I didn't sleep half the night, because I tried to sleep on a park bench, and I kind of dozed for an hour or so, but then a police officer who seemed to like to call me 'sonny' told me that I apparently wasn't allowed to sleep there. So, mostly I got up and walked around, looking for places to sleep that weren't illegal. I didn't find a whole lot, so I ended up sleeping on the sidewalk and waking up again at about four o' clock, when I decided to give the house another shot, because it was raining. It had been locked when Toothless' aunt first drove me there, and Dad's car had still been in the drive, so I didn't dare enter then, but it started pouring rain when I woke up on the sidewalk, so I walked home fighting tears.

I know it was weak, but I just felt like collapsing on the ground and crying. I'd cried way too much earlier that day, though, so I just pushed them back and tried to find home. I wandered around, hopelessly lost, until about six, when I finally stumbled across my neighborhood, and tried the door. It was unlocked, and Dad was gone. I stumbled into the house, almost crying with relief as I stripped off my wet clothes, used the bathroom and took a shower. The water was warm and soft, so unlike the rainwater that had been pelting me hard all day. I scrubbed myself as hard as I could with the soap, trying not just to remove all the dirt accumulated from the night, but also every memory as well. I stepped out of the shower, dried myself off and pulled on the only other pair of jeans I owned that still fit.

I thought about school, and how much I really didn't want to go. I felt like crawling in bed and sleeping, but I remembered my own advice to myself: never miss a day. I couldn't afford to get behind, not even by a day, because Dad would get a call from the school, and he'd want to know why I stayed home, and I'd have nobody to blame but myself, because it was my own stupid fault that my dad locked me out of the house. I was sure that when he came home to signs that I had been here, he would regret unlocking the door for me before he left. I swallowed, ran my fingers through my hair, grabbed up my backpack and left the house. The rain was mostly drying up, and all I could think was how glad I was, how much I hated it. I had had enough experiences with storms to last me quite a long time.

And when I got to school, people stared. They pointed. They whispered.

"That's Hiccup."

"That one who collapsed in the gym?"

"I think that's him."

"He's all bruised!"

"He just hit the floor pretty hard, I bet…"

"No, you idiot, he's been out for two days, that bruise is new!"

I flinched inwardly at their comments, positioning my bangs in front of my eyes, hoping that would stop any questions.

But hope and I didn't really get along that well. I had hoped that I wouldn't be a mistake one day, and that hope hadn't gotten me anywhere. I had hoped that I'd one day have friends, but I realized now that I didn't deserve them. And I'd hoped that one day my father would love me.

And that was never, ever going to happen.