So, to begin with, since I found out I wrote the last chapter already, I've decided to get started on this next chapter. In an attempt to start, I started writing my name and filling out the heading like it was for school. I probably should not be writing right now. Well, here I go anyways.

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Chapter 24: Zexion

Spring turned into summer which is my least favorite of all the seasons normally. Long sleeves when it's ninety degrees out is not too pleasant. Bandages covered the scars, but I wore short sleeved tops now, loose cotton things that belonged to Demyx and were too big for me. I was always in his clothing, I wore his pajama pants, shirts, when it was cool I would wear his sweatshirts and he seemed fond of it, always teasing me lightly, before he kissed my temple and let a sea breeze wash over my mind.

Demyx was the summer, he was the beach, the waves, the water, the rain on a steamy day, he was a playful river that wound all around a beautiful forest. He was warm, tanned, and he glistened with innocence that was difficult to believe. I knew he was not pure. I knew he was not strictly innocent, but I also knew that in his actions, he was. He was pure and clean, he was fresh cotton on a clothing line by the sea.

Summer vacation had begun, various things were happening, those of the student body who lived there under the ruse of it being a boarding school left, and those who were orphans or simply sold into it stayed among the brick walls. No one in out clique went home. Demyx toyed with my hair as I read something, a book I had found in the library. We laid down on the ground in the courtyard which was littered with people, Roxas was off in one end sat on a bench and watched the clouds. Riku was placed a wreath of flowers onto Sora's head, they both laughed and then kissed lightly. Then there was Axel. Axel was watching Roxas, he looked like a dying man. A tortured man trapped inside of a boy's body, wishing to be set free, to do just what he wanted to. I placed my book onto my chest, the binding open still to save my page, but I wanted to watch Axel.

I wanted to do something but I knew that it was not simply that easy. Over the weeks and months I had known everyone, I had discovered Roxas and Axel's odd relationship of jealousy, inconsistency and friendship. I witnessed Axel's undying devotion to Roxas, despite his ignorance to the fact Roxas did notice it. I watched as the blonde skater boy stared in deep set envy at the affection the pyro showed to Demyx and I. They loved each other but were both too stubborn to admit it to themselves.

A fist curled around the binding of my book, as I focused so firmly upon the space between the two. Axel was deteriorating, you could form a conjecture like that simply enough, because his hair was lackluster, his eyes were hazed, is skin was insipid and bland. In all, his lively countenance had gone, leaving the shell of what he had been.

Demy leaned his face close into my hair while taking a deep breath and enjoying the scent that drifted into his nostrils. He smiled and nuzzled into me a smidge. In stark contrast to Axel, my guitarist had come alive, with his eyes like the endless sky reflecting out from his face, the pristine glow of his skin, the golden radiance of his hair. Demyx was alive and basking within the glory of being in love. I turned to look at him with the intention of speaking but the soft warmth of his damp lips brushed up against my mouth. His eyes were shut, the lashes long and delicate upon his glowing cheeks. My eyelids slipped shut and a blush ran to my cheeks when one of his hands sifted through y hair, the other on my hip elegantly. Demyx flustered me so much.

"Zexy, I love you." He threaded the words into kisses and stole my breath when I opened my mouth the return the sentiment. I felt dizzy for more than just want of air. Sometimes I couldn't understand the way he made me feel, sometimes I couldn't fathom why he felt like that, but mostly I just accepted it and moved on with my life. He loved me, I loved him. We didn't need anything else.

I forgot what I had been about to say as he kissed me again and again, taking me from the place I was sitting to laying on the grass upon my side, pulled to his chest. Our noses touched as we stared at each other's eyes, and then he kissed me again, so softly, with those damp petal lips. So carefully, almost hesitantly, his tongue slid onto my lips, but as I tried to meet him with my own, he kissed me gently again, teasing lightly.

He drove me crazy.

I wanted to drown in the essence of him, I wanted to let the tides of Demyx flow over me, taking me to new lands, carrying me to safety and always holding on so lovingly. E stopped kissing me again, whispering of his adoration, which I returned this time without interruption of kisses. The sun was setting by he time we left the garden, the stars were just barely peeking out from behind the deep abyss of space. Demyx's hand was in mine, his eyes focused on me, while mine traveled around as if I could not focus which was far from the truth, I simply felt weird starring at him so intently.

"I'm going to rest, I'll come to dinner later, alright?" I asked gently, my attention fully devoted to him now as we stood outside of our room. Demyx nodded, before catching me by the cheek gently, with his hand cupping it carefully, and he kissed me again. His departure was not something I wanted. My boy felt bare and cold. It was like his presence had given me life and when he walked away, he took it all with him. I was in a good mood, there was nothing wrong, so I wasn't sure why I did what I did next. As I shut the door, I let Axel's man-on-fire look seep into my mind once more. I thought of my selfishness, I allowed my old insecurities to creep up, all the ones about not being good enough, of being unnatural, imperfect, diseased, disgusting, unworthy… Axel deserved a better friend, because I had forgotten about him, Demyx deserved a better boyfriend because I always let him down. I was so contemptible it was repulsive.

I knew where the blade was, the neon color of it was like one of those glowing signs in the city. I lifted my mattress a little, and retrieved the small plastic and steel piece. I held it like it was going to bite, and it very well could have… in a sense of course. I didn't think too much besides the nagging self-disgust and the vagrant want of the blade. I didn't think of the fact that it had been about 5 months since I had sliced up my skin last. I didn't think of how well I had been doing. All I thought of was the way that the blade would feel, torn against my skin. All I thought of was how beautiful the iron-rich substance would be if I released it from my body. All I wanted was the endorphins that would rush into my mind and envelope me in sweet bliss for a few moments. I ignored the fact that it would all turn to shit after when the guilt and panic set in. I remembered the parts of cutting that were nice, but I chose to forget the ones that showed me just how much it was not worth it. I disregarded the bad to embrace my old ways.

The blade hurt more than I had remembered. It wasn't as cleansing as I had thought, it truly hurt, but the rush after came seeping into my mind with reverence. The cooling calmness was what I had missed. I pressed the blade into my hipbone again, and slide it over the small protrusion of my bone. I felt the air heave out of my lungs peacefully, as my thoughts drifted away from the frenzy they had been in.

Footsteps were outside of the door. I panicked and shoved the blade under the mattress after pulling my pants and shirt to cover the evidence. The person kept walking by, but the wake up call had been brought, and my mind was now realizing that Demyx would find out. That he would have to know. Responsibility for my own actions slammed into me like a brick wall and it was starkly clear that I had made a large mistake.

What would Demyx think of me now? What about Axel? I thought of the conversation the pyro and I had had when he disclosed his burning problems, and I felt a wave of sickness wash over me. I had ruined everything for something so small and insignificant. I would lose their trust and respect. I would hurt them both with the little mistake. Or was it a large mistake? I wasn't quite sure in truth.

A few days passed by, and nothing happened. I kept my relapse hidden, I kept myself away from time alone near the razor and most importantly I spent my time with Demyx, to keep busy and happy. If a bad mood did strike me, the guitarist could make it disappear, he could make me feel like everything would be okay. With him, I felt safe. I had begun to forget that I had relapsed in the first place.

"Zexy?" Demyx's voice was warmth through the cold of the air conditioned library.

"Yes, Demyx?" I asked while glancing up from my notebook where I had been taking notes for one of our summer assignments. Demyx's eyes were dusty blue, an odd sort of color, sort of clouded. I smiled softly at the small smirk on his lips.

"I want to move, come dance with me!" His voice was low but he was excited, that much was obvious as the enthusiasm in his voice was unmistakable. I closed my books and got up, following him out of the studying space, like a little puppy. I loved him. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders as we walked despite the glares from the occasional other students. I listened as he hummed something to himself, and walked through our room door as he held it open for me. He laughed a little and grabbed me around the waist, kicking the door shut. He held me to his body, his abdomen pressed against the top of my own, and his chest on mine. He was taller so I felt like a girl as he spun us around, humming to himself.

"Demyx, aren't we supposed to be dancing to music?" My question came out half giggled as he smiled down at me, and shook his head. "Why not?"

"We don't need music to move together." He replied simply and ran a hand through my hair gently. I blushed lightly as his body pressed closer to my own and he kissed me deeply. The dancing did not stop, but instead sped up and in turn it morphed into something sexual, our torsos rubbing against one another to the pulsing beating of our hearts. One of his hands were on the small of my back, the other was grabbing wildly at my ass, while mine were on his chest and in his hair. I kept pulling him closer and closer to me, and I was insistent on bringing our bodies nearer.

"Demyx," The gasped half moan was in the air before I could stop it when his mouth attached to my neck, his groin rubbed up against mine and in turn I felt his member against my leg, erect from the excitement. I twisted out of his grasp, kissing him, and turning instead, my arms were raised above my head, interlocked in his hair as my back pressed onto his stomach. They I forced my ass onto his groin, grinding into it hard, and exacting a strangled moan from his lips. His hands flew down to my hips where he held me in place, fake music blasted in my mind as we moved in tandem, grinding and rubbing each other like animals in heat.

Then he tore away, his eyes even more clouded by a dusty expression I now realized was lust. He kissed me furiously, not sparing a second for regrets as he feverishly explored my mouth. He held no reservations when I moved us over to the bed, and I wanted nothing more in that moment than I wanted to feel his skin upon my own. So we did just that. Carefully I stripped his shirt off, caressing each muscle as they became seen, and he gently removed my top, we laid down, his strong and heated body was atop my own frail countenance. I wanted to touch him all over, I wanted him to touch me.

"Zexy, is this too much?" His timid voice came suddenly, when he snapped back from another passionate kiss. Worry formed creases on his forehead that looked foreign and obtrusive. It took me a few moments to understand exactly what he was saying. I wanted him so badly, I could feel his finger tips ghost over my hair, and I wanted them to be in so many other places that it was not even funny. Couldn't he brush them along my stomach, down over my pubic hair, all over my shaft up onto the tip or my erection? Could he not do that and leave conversation for another time.

"No, not at all, I want you Demyx." I whispered against his lips as I leaned to kiss him. It made a blush pop onto my cheeks at how brusque I had been. He shivered a little bit and pulled on my hair, forcing me back into the pillow. Now, that was sexy.

"Are you sure, Zexy-bear?" He cooed, with a playfulness as his body lifted off of mine and his hands untwined from my slate locks. He grinned like the Cheshire Cat, and crawled down my body, his lips barely brushing my skin in teasing kisses that made my skin tingle. His breathing was light and tickled just as the few strands of his hair did that reached down over his face.

"Y-yeah…" my voice was dying in my throat, my eyes simply glued to his as his tongue started to swirl over my stomach.

"What do you want, Zexion?" He whispered against the low rise of my pants, his teeth nipping at the skin just above my hips.

"I don't know, fuck, Demyx, don't tease." I whined a little, finding it so odd that I was being this… different than my normal self. Demyx always took care of me. Demyx was a good boy. Demyx was always good to me. Demyx knew what he was doing. I trusted Demyx. Right then and there, the boy was unzipping my pants. The pressure was releasing slowly, the forces keeping my erection sheathed were disappearing. I felt him tugging at my boxers as air left my lungs. I wanted him so badly. I could almost feel the wet warmth of his mouth around my cock. I was almost trembling with the anticipation when he suddenly stopped. I whimpered a little, noticing for the first time that my eyes were shut tightly and I had been biting my lip pretty viciously. I looked down at my guitarist dazedly, when the situation became clear. Two big ugly red slices were on my right hip, staring him in the face.

"Oh, Demyx, I'm sorry, I can explain." I whispered hurriedly while I pulled up the cloth underwear, and zipped my pants up so quickly. I had forgotten. I couldn't believe I had forgotten. He was going to hate me for it, he was going to be so upset. He was going to leave me. "I'm so sorry, Demyx, it's okay, it is, I was going to tell you, but-"

"Zexion, it's not okay, and I don't think you were." He said numbly out of nowhere. I wanted to cry. I hadn't meant for him to find out, let alone that way. I didn't know what to say to make it any better. I wished it had never happened, I wished he hadn't seen but that couldn't change anything at all, because we are not allowed to go back and change our pasts. All I could do was stare my lover in the face and hope he would forgive me.

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Late, I know, I'm really sorry. In return I gave you fan service. I had prom and school work and my last day of school was just this past Friday, sooo I should have more time to write. I love you all, thank you for all the support, I'm on to the next chapter now.

Just so you know, this half of the series will be coming to an end soon, I have 21 pages written of the closing segment haha soooooooo that will be cool…. When I finish it. I'm like half done. Then we'll be on to part 2 haha which… I haven't planned at all… so… there might not be a sequel? I don't know. I have another Zexym in the making! It's cute so far, dark of course, but no cutting. I hope I'll be able to figure out what my plot was going to be for part two but if I don't I'll take a hiatus from this story and outline it while posting the next Zexym fic I have that has like 3 chapters already. Anyways, it's getting late, love you all!

R & R please!